The Frozen Whisper

by Asagiri

When it became clear that Orihime Inoue would be successfully rescued, Ulquiorra decided to capture Rukia Kuchiki for a prospective scheme to get her back. He didn't foresee, however, just how much this decision would affect his life. Rukia, too, would have never expected that she would find something this meaningful in Hueco Mundo. AU-ish from around chapter 297. Ulquiorra x Rukia

30. Winter War (Aftermath)

Hey, loves! Hope you're doing all right!

First and foremost, millions of thanks to my sweet sweet reviewers!

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You brighten my life! I'm so glad to have you still, despite my rare updates. Thank you for your patience!

It took me a while to finish this one, but it's also the longest chapter at almost 17k words. I'm rather happy with it, and I hope you'll enjoy it, too!

朝霧 -Asagiri-

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Chapter 30
Winter War (Aftermath)

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In fake Karakura Town Byakuya stood with Renji on the sidelines. The 4th Division's members had patched them up, but they were still severely weakened. There was little they could do, but if it came to the worst, they were ready to exhaust their last reserves of strength to bring Aizen down.

That being said, since he might not be of great use here, Byakuya would rather return to Soul Society and check upon Rukia. He trusted that Arrancar enough not to hurt her, but just by being near her he could hurt her reputation. Already a contemptible rumour had reached his ears before – people seeking an entertainment in vile talk – so he would rather avoid adding fuel to it.

Moreover, he still hoped to talk Rukia out of whatever relationship she had with that Arrancar. Nothing good could come out if it. If forced, he was ready to just seize her and ground her somewhere solitary, until she came to her senses and saw past her infatuation. He wanted to keep her safe no matter the price.

He had seen Ichigo Kurosaki confront that Arrancar, and then go after him, so perhaps he could help him get rid of the problem. It would be the quickest and surest solution. Rukia would be upset, but she was still young and had a whole life before her. Time would heal wounds, and surely she would find a more suitable man he actually could approve of. His sister deserved the best, and a man with such a loathsome background was not it. Not to mention, he still wasn't convinced that she hadn't somehow been coerced into that relationship. It had been a few weeks with only him for a company – with loneliness and fear both mind and heart could be easily manipulated.

"Captain, shouldn't we follow after that Arrancar?" Renji asked, clearly having similar doubts, even if he didn't fully grasp the situation and the behind the scenes. He hadn't even stopped to wonder why their lives had been spared.

"Our main mission is to protect fake Karakura Town and defeat Aizen," Byakuya replied matter-of-factly. "Ichigo Kurosaki went after him, let us hope he can handle him."

"What if he finds Rukia? What if—"

Byakuya raised his hand to silence him. "Rukia will be fine. Stay focused."

From the moment they arrived, Aizen with Tōsen and Ichimaru stood in place, surrounded by Captain-Commander Yamamoto's ring of fire. Yoruichi, Urahara, Tessai, and three of the Visored watched them closely, too. It appeared that Aizen was conversing with them about something. Perhaps the traitors had the leisure to wait for the last pillar to fall, but it was guarded by Kyōraku and Ukitake. No matter how strong was the Espada who went against the two captains, chances they would defeat them were close to zero.

Byakuya had used to respect Aizen and Tōsen, though he hadn't interacted much with them. Out of the three, he knew Ichimaru best… though 'knew' was used here loosely.

The man often had come up to him for a chat. At first, he had found him a nuisance, always talking nonsense, gossip, or a joke. But here and there he smuggled in wisdom and wit, and Byakuya had begun wondering if his frivolous behaviour wasn't just a façade. All these years he had kept him guessing who he really was. Ironically, out of the three men Ichimaru's treason had surprised him the most. Still, only one fate awaited a traitor.

Apparently losing his patience, Aizen smugly manifested his overwhelming reiatsu, extinguishing the flames around them. A declaration that it wasn't that they had trapped him, but that he had let them trap him. Most of the Shinigamis in vicinity, who weren't lieutenants and captains, fainted.

Byakuya and Renji, too, swayed on their feet, but persevered. Even though they were over fifty yards away from the epicentre of that reiatsu burst, it didn't save them from being affected by its crushing pressure.

"Keep it together, Renji," he told his lieutenant.

Tōsen chose this moment to leave the group. He seemed to be aiming to find someone. No-one followed him, everyone focusing on the biggest threat. His place was taken by a young Arrancar, who came up to the front to guard his masters. Resurrección changed him into something grotesque, and his power matched his monstrous appearance.

Captain-Commander Yamamoto proceeded to encircle them with flames again. The Arrancar stepped in, but instead of getting incinerated by the blazing fire, he somehow extinguished it.

Before the incredibility of this stunt could even begin to settle in, Ichimaru made his move. A thin white cloth slithered out of the depths of his sleeve, enwrapping Aizen's Kyōka Suigetsu to prevent its Shikai release.

"What?" Renji gasped in shock.

All Byakuya could do was shake his head. Apparently that man would never cease to surprise him.

Ichimaru's action was a cue for the Soul Society party. Captain-Commander Yamamoto grabbed the grotesque Arrancar away. Tessai and the pink-haired Visored man restrained Aizen with Bakudō Spells. Yoruichi and Urahara moved closer, but still kept some distance.

Aizen chuckled and exchanged a couple of words with his old subordinate. Byakuya wouldn't be surprised if Ichimaru told him a joke in return. Then, he released more reiatsu, pushing everyone away and shattering Bakudō restraints. With one flick of his hand, he cut off Ichimaru's right arm that was binding his zanpakutō. Unflinching, Ichimaru produced another thin cloth from his other sleeve and grabbed the previous one, holding now both. His always smiling lips uttered more words.

With no delay Tessai and the Visored man bound Aizen with Bakudō Spells again. Yoruichi added her own thin cloth to reinforce the seal on Kyōka Suigetsu.

Aizen kept destroying one barrier after another and another. But there was no end to them. The moment one shattered, two were erected. Yoruichi, too, kept casting Binding Spells with her free hand to help out.

Urahara approached with his zanpakutō unsheathed, and released his Bankai. A giant woman clad in red appeared, a serene expression on her face. She began working on Aizen, cutting him apart and sewing him back together. As much as it looked brutal, it didn't seem painful. The traitor's reiatsu surged, becoming more refined… more divine. Restraints around him kept breaking, but Tessai and the Visored man kept putting new ones up. Their faces were set in determination. They were the pillars of this operation – if they slipped, the terrifying odds were that all was over.

Renji fainted. Byakuya had a hard time keeping it together. He'd order anyone weaker than him to retreat, but they were already unconscious… most likely dying. Aizen's inconceivable power brought him to his knees, and squeezed the breath out of his lungs. Black dots were dancing in front of his eyes. Blood seemed to boil in his veins. A droning sound assaulted his ears, and he felt like his eardrums were to burst any second now. His only thought was to stay conscious… If that thought strayed to anything else, he feared his life would be done for.

Then, when even the ground was beginning to shake and disintegrate from Aizen's power, the massive reiatsu collapsed. Almost like a supernova, but instead of a black hole it culminated in nothing.

Time seemed to stop. Silence was almost deafening.

After what felt like an eternity, an explosion in the distance broke the spell, and everything resumed. The war was still going on.

Byakuya coughed. Taste of blood filled his mouth. Only now he noticed he was lying on the ground, the moment his body made a contact with it had escaped him completely. Unsteadily, he got up and approached Renji. Thankfully, he was still alive.

The giant woman continued to work on Aizen, who was now made almost entirely out of stitches. Then, she stopped. If she was proud of her handiwork, she didn't let it show, her face as serene as before. Same with Urahara, who casually approached Aizen, and took the Hōgyoku out from his chest. He only allowed himself a tired smile, when he hid the jewel inside the folds off his green samue. His Bankai disappeared. Aizen's body returned back to normal. But once gone, his reiatsu didn't return.

Tenteikūra from Lieutenant Sasakibe confirmed that Aizen was defeated. Byakuya didn't need to listen to it, when he could watch with his own eyes the traitor being put under binding Spells he had never even seen or heard of before in his entire life.

Byakuya commented quietly, "This is how a man overcome with hubris ends – not with a bang but a whimper." It was oddly fitting.

Ichimaru was nowhere to be seen. The Kuchiki heir had no idea when he had disappeared, or where to. But he looked forward to another chat with the man, where they would mention nothing of this day or those months before it, acting as the time between the day Ichimaru's Shinsō had pierced his lung and today didn't exist.

Before long, Hanatarō Yamada approached them. He revived Renji, and healed their internal injuries as best as he could in these provisional conditions. Vials with sweet tasting liquid replenished their reiatsu a bit.

Byakuya scanned the vast battlefield. Noting that Captain-Commander Yamamoto was fully in action, and morale of all Shinigamis surged, he decided that their assistance wasn't needed here. He had pressing matters to check back home, too.

He ordained, "Let us return to Soul Society, Renji. Hanatarō Yamada, accompany us."

---

Orihime sat on the ground next to Captain Hitsugaya. He was still unconscious. Powerless, she could only watch the heart-rending spectacle, as dread seeped more and more into her gut. She couldn't see well what was happening in the distance, but something wasn't right. Why Kurosaki-kun kept attacking not only Ulquiorra-san, but Kuchiki-san, too? She could understand him being angry, but not to this extent… right? The couple clearly wanted to escape him, but he kept pursuing them like a hungry animal its prey. Persistent. Merciless.

Kurosaki-kun, please… she begged in her heart. Just let them go.

Ulquiorra-san kept Kuchiki-san close to himself, trying to protect her from fervent attacks. The longer the fight dragged on, the more difficult it was becoming. Constant manoeuvres and injuries were sucking the strength out of him. Kurosaki-kun wasn't giving them a moment to breathe.

Orihime lost the sight of them for a moment, but soon they clashed again. Then, one got knocked away, and the other started to fall. Only then she noticed Kuchiki-san wasn't with them. Her heart sank. She got up to her feet. At the same time, a white mist rose into the sky and exploded into a flurry. Cold breeze reached her, stinging her cheeks.

"Kuchiki-san…" She recognised her reiatsu, though it wasn't like first frost anymore, but glacial winds of the arctic. There was something heart-breaking in it.

A feeling in Orihime's gut urged her to move. Her friend needed her! She gathered Captain Hitsugaya onto her back. With his zanpakutō in hand, she hurriedly made her way towards the battlefield. The further in she ventured, the colder it was getting. Now everything was covered in a layer of ice. She had to tread carefully, or she would slip and fall over.

She could tell Kurosaki-kun was still alive and his injuries weren't life-threatening. As for Ulquiorra-san…

He was already gone. She found him lying on the ground, his wings sprawled under him, like a fallen demon. Bloodied and frozen. But his features were gentle, almost smiling. He must have been content in his last moments, having protected the girl he loved.

Tears started to roll down her face, as grief began filling her up.

Orihime followed his gaze, and her heart stopped. "Kuchiki-san!"

She ran to her, but halted a couple of yards from her. Shock at the scene brought her to her knees. She felt Captain Hitsugaya slid down her back and onto the ground, but she didn't react, stupefied.

Kuchiki-san was on the ground, and clearly had wanted to reach her beloved, but her body had failed her. Ice and frost covered her now motionless form. Blood stained her lips and chest, and her right arm was missing… It couldn't have been Ulquiorra-san's doing… But if it wasn't his… then…

"Kuchiki-san, Kuchiki-san!" Orihime cried, and on her fours she approached her—

"Don't touch her," a harsh, warning voice came from behind her, and someone grabbed her ankle.

She turned around. Her wild eyes saw Captain Hitsugaya.

More gently he added, "You might freeze to death."

Orihime nodded slowly. Turning back to Kuchiki-san, she spread Sōten Kisshun around her. With little strength left, she didn't know how long she would last. So, she started rejecting the gravest wound first – a stab in the chest. Unmistakeably, it was imbued with Kurosaki-kun's reiatsu. A sob escaped her throat, while more tears flowed down her cheeks.

---

First thing Ichigo registered was a biting cold gnawing at his skin. He tensed his muscles, and forced them to move – his limbs, his head. His movements were accompanied by a sound of ice cracking. He forced himself to sit up. Shattered ice fell off his body. In one of the shards he saw an imprint of a terrifying grin. It made a shudder run down his spine.

He had no idea what had happened in the last gods-only-knew-how-many minutes. In fact, he hoped it had been just minutes…

Only now he noticed he was badly wounded, ice having numbed his body and, consequently, the pain.

Ice… Rukia…!

The last thing he remembered was waking up and seeing her in front of Ulquiorra. He could see only her feet dangling in the air, rest was obscured by his wings. He had been sure that bastard was choking her or ran his hand through her chest. Fear for her life overwhelmed him, and then there was only a violent darkness.

Ichigo focused. His senses couldn't find Ulquiorra's reiatsu. But he found Rukia's. It was but a smidgen, faint and fading. Worry overran his mind, but soon subsided, when he noticed Inoue was next to her. And Tōshiro?

He got up to his feet and stumbled his way towards them.

---

"Rukia!" Renji yelled her name in horror, seeing her small body all battered up, and Inoue quietly sobbing next to her, doing her best to fix her. Regret and rage squeezed his insides. "That bastard… We should have…" he uttered through gritted teeth. How he wanted to get his hands on that Arrancar! He was lucky to be dead, otherwise he would have made him pay dearly for hurting his childhood friend. He would have returned Rukia's pain to him tenfold!

He glared at his body in the distance, and started making his way towards him…

"Renji," Captain Kuchiki stopped him in his tracks. "That Arrancar is dead."

"I want to kill him all over again," he seethed. His fists clenched, eager to pummel that despicable man out from Hell and back to it again. Or better yet – take Ishida's arrow and destroy his soul completely…

"Calm down. The most important thing is that Rukia survived."

Renji knew his captain was right, but at the same time he was unable to understand how he could be so composed right now. They had failed Rukia. They not only hadn't avenged her, but had let her tormentor find her and hurt her again. Hadn't it been for Ichigo, who knew what blood-curdling scene would have been waiting for them, when this was already horrifying enough.

Grim thoughts overcast his mind, so he shook his head to scatter them. He was about to ask Inoue what exactly had happened, but seeing her so distraught, he decided against it.

"Captain Hitsugaya, can you tell us what happened here? Why is Rukia in such state?" he turned to his other superior, who was being patched up by Hanatarō. The medic also filled him in on the events in fake Karakura Town.

"Sorry, Abarai, I don't think I can," he replied. "I got knocked out and didn't see this fight… But…" A frown made its way to his face and he fell into a confused silence.

"But what?"

"The last thing I remember of Kuchiki is her almost crushed to death by the 0 Espada. And here she is… no sign of those injuries… And if I'm not mistaken, all this ice around her is her Bankai. Nobody would have any strength for a Bankai in the state she was in… I feared…" His voice cracked and he shook his head, unable to continue.

Renji gaped. His surprise slowly turned into excitement, as he said, "Rukia has a Bankai? Oh wow… We'll—"

"You might be right, Captain Hitsugaya," Captain Kuchiki interjected to add his own observations. "The radius and scale is too big for any of Rukia's Shikai techniques. Though it appears to be difficult to control, and as a result she has put herself in a cryostasis."

The young captain nodded. With his chin he pointed in the direction of the Arrancar bastard. "And there's him…"

Renji again scowled at the thought of that scumbag. He couldn't be thankful enough that he was now just a bad memory. Once things settled down a bit, he would grab Ichigo, Rukia and the rest of their friends to celebrate. Aizen was defeated, their nemesis was dead, and Rukia achieved Bankai… It just couldn't get any better.

Speaking of the redhead, he was already nearby. He shouted his name and waved at him in a greeting.

At the same time, Captain Hitsugaya continued, "That Arrancar appeared then and there, and spewed some nonsense, or so I thought back then. But now I don't quite—"

Ice shattered. Ichigo did what Renji was itching to do – brought his foot to that bastard one last time, for good measure. Once close, he commented, "Looks like Rukia got the final blow… Good for her."

・

Hearing Abarai-kun call Kurosaki-kun's name, Orihime for the first time wasn't sure what to feel when it came to her crush. Warmth still spread inside her chest just by him being near her, but it wasn't perfectly genuine. A bud of resentment tainted it. Then, a noise of ice breaking startled her. Standing up, and looking at its source, she froze in shock.

"Kurosaki-kun…!" His name came out as a tearful wail. She couldn't believe her own eyes at what he just did. What drove him to such a barbaric act? Was Ulquiorra-san's death not enough for him?

She shook her head, her eyes still wide in disbelief, but fresh tears started streaming down her cheeks.

Orihime knew they all saw Ulquiorra-san as an enemy. No matter how much she had tried telling them that he wasn't a bad man, no matter how much Kuchiki-san had iterated that she owed him her life… They just wouldn't listen.

And what was this nonsense? Kuchiki-san killing Ulquiorra-san? Never! She had come here and interrupted the fight to stop it, to save both of them. Kurosaki-kun had been there, he must have seen her determination! How could he smear such a horrible act on her?

"Why…" she uttered, but sorrow trapped her voice in her throat. Why couldn't you just let them go?

She found a surprising ally in Byakuya-san who coldly reproved, "That was unnecessary, Ichigo Kurosaki."

Kurosaki-kun blinked, surprised by their reactions. He replied in his own defence, "It was just an ice outline. His body has already turned into reishi and his soul – if he had any – went to Hell."

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime cried in a hopeless reproach. More sobs shook her body, and she could feel her legs go weak. Before she hit the ground, Byakuya-san caught her.

"You ought to rest," he told her gently.

"But… Kuchiki-san… She…" she protested feebly. The determination was there, but she had little strength left to follow through.

"You have already saved her life. Her other injuries can wait for later."

・

Ichigo didn't understand why they snapped his head off, when he had done nothing wrong. They hadn't been here and hadn't heard the things that bastard had said and done. Just remembering it made his skin crawl, and anger blaze up. But even if they missed that, they could see the damage he had done to Rukia, couldn't they? She was gravely wounded! They could see the determination with which she had killed her tormentor, couldn't they? She had used the last ounces of her strength to get her revenge!

"He deserved worse than that, anyway. You, Inoue, should know best, and yet…" he trailed off, shaking his head. There was no point bringing up her defending Ulquiorra and pleading for his life.

Her bottom lip trembled, and her eyes dimmed with sadness. She looked away.

Ichigo's gaze softened. He didn't mean to blame Inoue or upset her. Nothing of this was her fault. She was a gentle girl that detested violence, no wonder she had tried to stop it. Unfortunately, Ulquiorra couldn't have been reasoned with and had been too big of a threat. That unforgivable bastard had already done despicable things with no hint of remorse. There had been no other way. He himself wasn't really proud of bringing that beast down, but this way his friends were safe. He would have done it all over again if he had to.

With time, Inoue would understand, surely.

Question from Renji brought him out of his musings, "Anyway, Ichigo, what happened here?"

"I… I don't remember."

His friend had a fitting reaction and just stared at him in disbelief. "You… don't remember? How?"

"I saw him hurting Rukia, and I just lost it," he explained. No matter how he strained his memory, the second part of his fight with Ulquiorra was just darkness. The vestiges of that feeling made him shudder. "Next thing I know, I'm breaking out of ice like a hatching baby bird."

・

"We ought to discuss it later, there are still more urgent matters that need to be taken care of first," Byakuya interjected. Besides, he had heard enough to more or less grasp what had transpired here.

"You're right," Captain Hitsugaya agreed, "I can sense there are still some Gillians left. I leave Kuchiki to you, Kuchiki." And with that he picked up Hyōrinmaru and left. It wasn't just his duty moving him to action, but the need to distract himself from the sorrow.

With trepidation Byakuya scanned Soul Society for hints of her reiatsu, but couldn't find the unruly lieutenant of the 10th Division. He doubted she would have left her captain in such a time…

"Do you know the whereabouts of Lieutenant Matsumoto?" he asked the Human girl. She lifted up her head and her tired face contorted in grief even more. A sob escaped her and she shook her head. It was enough an answer for him, and he nodded in understanding, sparing her the pain of voicing a tragedy.

"Renji, go assist Captain Hitsugaya," he ordered. "He will need help recovering the body of his lieutenant."

"Rangiku-san?" Renji asked in shock, with Ichigo Kurosaki echoing right after him.

"I fear she did not make it."

Renji's face set in a mix of grief and vengeful determination. Nodding grimly, he left to join the young captain.

"Hanatarō Yamada, provide first aid to Ichigo Kurosaki. Ichigo Kurosaki, once mobile, help with cleaning up Soul Society. I shall go take Orihme Inoue to Seireitei to rest, and shall be back soon with help to move Rukia safely to Seireitei, too."

He gently picked up the Human girl, and with Shunpo made his way to Kuchiki Mansion. There he left her, unconscious from the exhaustion by then, with his trusted housekeeper Suzume. The old lady had been serving his family since as far as he could remember, and he was sure she would take a good care of Rukia's friend. Then, taking two guards of Kuchiki Mansion with him, he returned to the former battlefield.

Ichigo Kurosaki only nodded at him and was off to take care of the remaining Gillians. Hanatarō Yamada asked for further instructions, so he sent him after the Substitute Shinigami. Where the fighting continued, there surely would be people in need of his medical assistance.

The two guards proceeded to slowly and gently move Rukia onto the stretchers. It was a tricky operation, as her body temperature was still low enough to freeze anything and anyone that directly touched her for too long.

Byakuya looked around, admiring the fairytale-like landscape. Sun made the ice glitter in a rainbow of colours, and a soft mist hung above the surface. Even though it was created by a Bankai, the cold winter morning held it up from dispersing. It was truly regretful that such picturesque vistas were accompanied by tragedy, both at its centre and at its surroundings.

Ichigo Kurosaki was wrong. Rukia hadn't killed that Arrancar. She had wanted to save him. So desperately that she had tapped into power she wasn't ready for yet.

Perhaps he and Renji should have returned to Soul Society earlier, after all… But he would be lying if he said that he wasn't glad that the Arrancar was gone.

Byakuya approached the shattered ice. Indeed, his body was there no longer. He must have used up all his reiatsu in that battle, that it had disappeared so quickly after his death. Had he been as desperate to protect Rukia as she had been to save him? Because – if he wasn't mistaken – it was Ichigo Kurosaki who had hurt her, not the Arrancar. The Substitute Shinigami must have misunderstood the situation between the two and gone berserk, as proved by his lack of memory of the events.

Whatever had transpired here, he would later get the whole truth out of Rukia… And then, he would bury this truth in obscurity to keep her safe. Their taboo relationship could never come to light.

Noticing something between the ice shards, he picked it up. It was Chappy the bunny. With a solemn sigh, he hid it in his sleeve. He would later decide if he should give it back to his sister or destroy it.

---

Nel slowly came to her senses. Opening her eyes, the first thing she saw was a familiar star-less night sky, and teary faces of her dear friends. It seemed she was safe in Hueco Mundo.

She sat up and immediately noticed that her body was fine. No injuries, no hole in her stomach. Even her clothes were back to normal. It must have been Orihime's doing, no doubt. Either the girl had found her on the battlefield, or – more likely – someone had taken her to her.

"What happened?" Nel asked. "How did I get here?"

"Grimmjow-sama brought you to us. He asked us to tell you… that… um…" Pesche hesitated for a moment, trying to find appropriate words. "Grimmjow-sama is glad he was able to save you in time, and asks you to never ever worry him again. And that the two of you are more or less even, but you still owe him some beer."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Grimmjow said that?" It didn't exactly sound like him…

"Yup. More or less," he admitted sheepishly. "I don't remember word for word, but that was the general sense of his message for you."

That figures… "…He cursed a lot, didn't he?"

Pesche chuckled, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Maybe a bit…"

A feeling of uneasiness spread through Nel's gut. Grimmjow had witnessed her fall first-hand… He was right – she was a dumbass and a fraud, preaching that they should fight to overcome their Hollow instincts, while in the end completely succumbing to them herself. Did he think less of her now? It surprised her that she even cared about his opinion of her, but she did…

"Also, Aizen-sama is gone, he's been defeated, don'tcha know?" Dondochakka announced, pulling her out of her apprehensive musings. "We should be careful, don'tcha know?"

Nel blinked in surprise. "Oh?" She didn't know how long she had been out, but it must have been still the same day. That such a powerful man got done in so quickly… Soul Society must have had some terrifying people.

She laid back on the sand and stared at the night sky. For the first time the moon seemed to smile at her. She smiled back. Without Nnoitra her Lamentation was quiet, and without Aizen-sama she had no master she had to serve. She was now free to do whatever she wanted. Life was good.

Well… there still was a debt she needed to pay. "Beer, huh?"

---

The New Year began in chaos and was a stage to many tragedies. In a short time many lives were lost, and many homes were destroyed. But Soul Society overcame those tribulations and persevered, closing that fateful day in victory. It gave hope and strength to its residents. The moment the last threat had been eliminated, people rushed to rebuild their homes. It would take a lot of time and effort, but be it Shinigamis or Souls, they all seemed quite optimistic about the future.

Orihime, too, trusted that everything would be all right from now on.

Last couple of days she had spent mainly with the 4th Division doing her best fixing injuries, while her friends helped somewhere else. She rarely saw them, but deep down she was glad they were all busy. She didn't really blame Kurosaki-kun for what had happened – he didn't even remember a thing, so how could she? – but she still wasn't ready to face him. It would take some time for her to be again comfortable around him.

He had tried to question her about what she had witnessed that fateful day. Unable to give him a satisfying answer, she squirmed and faltered in her words. After all, it wasn't her place to tell. Thankfully, Byakuya-san had saved her then, cutting short any discussions that involved Ulquiorra-san.

"Do not speak of that Arrancar ever again, especially in front of Rukia," he had said adamantly. "A battle report she files in shall be the last mention of him."

Orihime deplored their grudge against Ulquiorra-san, as well as her own meekness. But until Kuchiki-san herself didn't confess the truth, she kept quiet on the matter.

In the evenings she returned to Kuchiki Mansion. Byakuya-san had invited her to stay, and she had gladly accepted. She was safe here from her friends' inquiring gazes and her own complicated feelings towards them, especially Kurosaki-kun.

She kept Kuchiki-san company, speaking to her softly about her day, confessing her inner turmoil she wasn't sure how to deal with, or reminiscing the past. When she talked enough, she would just sit there, and watch her serene face. Their friends visited, too. Was it Byakuya-san's admonition or the quiet atmosphere of Kuchiki-san's room, but they didn't talk much but for a casual, light-hearted chat.

It was the fifth day of January and Kuchiki-san still hadn't awoken from coma.

Physically she should be fine now. Orihime had finished fixing her the first chance she got. Despite this, her body was still cold, though not as freezing as before. Byakuya-san theorised that she had released her Bankai prematurely, probably without even having learned its name yet. Overcame with desperation, her zanpakutō had responded to her and gave her its power, even though she hadn't been ready for it. Her body and mind needed time to recover from the shock.

Everyone agreed that that must have been the case. Orihime, however, also theorised that struck with grief, Kuchiki-san wasn't ready to return yet to the reality where Ulquiorra-san was gone. So apart from her body and mind, also her heart needed time to heal.

"Kuchiki-san reminds me of Snow White," she mentioned softly to Byakuya-san one evening. It was late, so it was only the two of them, and he just came to check upon his sister before turning in for the night.

"Snow White?" he asked.

"It's a fairy tale, quite popular in Human World," she explained. "There is a princess with skin white as snow, hair black as coal and lips red as blood. Just like Kuchiki-san. Long story short, Snow White gets poisoned by an evil witch, jealous of her beauty, and falls unconscious. And then…" Sudden sadness overcame her, making her pause. Clearing her throat, she continued quietly, "And only a kiss from princess' true love wakes her up and they live happily ever after."

"That man is dead."

"Ye—" Orihime bit her tongue, suddenly realising what he had just said and the implications of it. Cold sweat ran down her spine. Nervous, she could only stammer out, "I-is… is that so?"

Byakuya-san turned around, a solemn expression on his face. "I trust you to keep Rukia's involvement with him a secret."

She could only stare at him wide-eyed and slowly nod her head. Her brain seemed to short-circuit and get stuck in a panic mode, repeating questions: How does he know? What does he know? Since when does he know?

He looked back at Kuchiki-san and caringly tucked her hand under the thick blanket to keep her warm, even though she was still colder than the chill of winter night. "Let us hope she wakes up on her own."

Byakuya-san never brought Ulquiorra-san up again, and Orihime wondered if she had imagined it. His attitude towards his sister also didn't hint at any resentment or disappointment, making her doubt her memory even more. The man who had been once ready to execute Kuchiki-san for breaking rules, now seemed to genuinely care about her. He often took her hands into his trying to warm them up, and spoke to her softly.

So whether he knew about Kuchiki-san's love for their enemy or not, Orihime trusted he would take a good care of her and keep her safe.

---

For the last week Ichigo and his fellow Human friends helped out Soul Society as much as they could, but now they were finally ready to return home. They could have done it earlier, but they wanted to prolong their stay in order to attend the funerals of their fallen friends – Rangiku-san and Ikkaku-san, as well as Hiyori and Love-san.

They also hoped that Rukia would wake up, but sadly she was still in a coma. Her body seemed to be growing warmer, so they trusted it was only a matter of time.

Going back home filled them with joy, but also dread. They had been away from their regular affairs, family life, school, and classmates for so long, that they couldn't even fathom what they had missed out on. The following weeks would be them just catching up on everything, school being the most important one. They sure would be busy cramming for tests they had missed and writing overdue papers. End term exams were drawing near, too, somehow more daunting than facing Aizen and his army.

No matter what the future held for them, though, Ichigo was positive everything would be all right. They had each other to rely on, after all.

"Well, if you ever need any help or just hang out, you know where to find us," Ichigo said to the three men that came to see them off.

"You bet," Renji replied with a grin and extended his hand for a shake as if they were closing a deal. "We'll have to celebrate our victory and Rukia's Bankai, once she comes to."

"I hope it'll be soon, too!" Hanatarō added.

"Byakuya-san, please do let us know once Kuchiki-san wakes up, will you?" Inoue asked the Kuchiki heir.

He nodded his head. "I shall send you a message." Handing her a lacquered food box, he added, "From Suzume. She is grateful for your help and company."

"Oh, I love her cakes! I'm sure I gained some weight because of them," she chuckled, evidently delighted. "Please tell Suzume-san my thanks."

Ichigo observed this exchange, feeling a bit… odd. It was as if he was slightly jealous of Byakuya. Inoue beamed at the man cheerfully, and he returned it with a soft smile of his own, as if there was some camaraderie between them. She had stayed at Kuchiki Mansion, so had some opportunities to get to know him a bit…

Since the Winter War had ended, Inoue seemed a bit distant, and her smiles more restrained. He actually felt that she was trying to avoid him. This sudden change made him realise that he had got so used to her warm, affectionate attitude towards him, that he had been taking it for granted. Now, with it dwindled, he couldn't help but miss it. There was some kind of misunderstanding between them. He hadn't expressed his thoughts clearly, and had let anger get the better of him. It had been a battlefield, and he hadn't had the luxury to be merciful.

Things were back to normal, and there was no danger looming over them anymore. They could finally relax and live their Human lives. So Ichigo would talk to Inoue at the earliest opportunity and clear things up. He really missed her heart-warming smile.

---

Rukia's eyes fluttered open. Darkness surrounded her. Her mind was hazy, and her body numb. She flexed her fingers, but they didn't feel quite right. Same with her toes and then her other muscles – as if she hadn't used them for a while.

Looking to her right, she saw a familiar shelf with Chappy plushies and other merchandise. It was her little shrine to her favourite mascot. This was her room, she was home.

Yet, it all felt off. Something was missing. Or rather… someone. Ulquiorra…

"Ulquiorra!" Rukia wailed hoarsely, and sat up. She moved around frantically, trying to do too many things at once. To get up, to think, to get dressed, to clean herself, to leave, to remember… So she fidgeted in place, while tears started streaming down her face. In the end she remained sitting in her bed, because there was nowhere she could go to find him. Ulquiorra was gone.

"Rukia-sama?" a female voice asked, and the door to her room slid open.

"Suzume-san…" she choked out, seeing the old housekeeper.

"Oh, thank goodness, you are finally awake. I shall get Kuchiki-sama at once. He has been most worried," she fussed, and disappeared before Rukia got the chance to stop her.

Facing her brother was the last thing she wanted right now. She just wanted to be alone. Having no choice, though, she dried her tears with her sleeve, and buried her feelings deep down inside her soul.

"Rukia." Byakuya-nii-sama rushed in, still in his night yukata. He didn't even bother putting on a haori.

"Nii-sama," she said, and clumsily moved to her knees to greet him properly, but he stopped her. "I apologise for making you worry. And for—"

"No need for that. More importantly, how are you feeling?"

"I am fine, maybe slightly weakened, I think… I feel mostly confused," she replied. "What happened? How did the war end? Did we really defeat Aizen? What about my friends and my Division?" She asked all those questions to steer the conversation away from herself. Anything was better than talking about how she felt.

"Before I get into the details, there is something I want to ask you," he replied. "Do you know the name of your Bankai?"

For a moment there she had thought he was going to ask her about Ulquiorra, and her heart almost stopped. So, she was relieved, hearing his actual question, but also puzzled. "Bankai? I do not think I understand."

"Captain Hitsugaya and I hypothesised that you used your Bankai prematurely and it was too much for you. You froze yourself, and have been in a coma for fifteen days, slowly thawing out of it."

"Fifteen days? Thawing?" she echoed in surprise. "No wonder my body feels so odd." After a minute to take that in, she added, "I have been conversing with Sode no Shirayuki, but she is yet to reveal her Bankai to me. I shall meditate later and learn more."

"You do that," he instructed. "It appears your Bankai is as beautiful as dangerous, so take care in learning it properly."

"Yes, sir."

"As for the war, Aizen indeed was defeated. Urahara somehow retrieved Hōgyoku from him and made him lose all his reiatsu. Apparently, only temporarily. His zanpakutō has been sealed away. He is in custody now, awaiting his fate. Tōsen is dead, eliminated by Captain Komamura and Lieutenant Hisagi."

Rukia was glad to hear that. With Aizen and his schemes no longer threatening them, peace could return to Soul Society. They all needed it to rebuild from the destruction he had brought.

"Ichimaru is… gone… There are reports of him being seen carrying Lieutenant Matsumoto's body, but nothing after that. He disappeared with her. I am quite certain everything he did was for Lieutenant Matsumoto, though his true purpose is unknown. Without her, I do not think he is alive anymore. Then again, with Ichimaru you can never know for sure."

She frowned at the odd tone of his voice. He spoke about Ichimaru like he wasn't a traitor and their enemy. He even smiled softly at the end.

Seeing her confusion, he explained, "You are not aware of it yet, but he helped us bring Aizen down. It turned out Urahara was in touch with him, and counted on him to make sure we got the real Aizen and not his illusion. He never truly betrayed Soul Society."

Doubt was the main thing she felt when it came to Ichimaru. And inexplicable repulsion. But if he really had been true to Matsumoto-san, then perhaps she could forgo her hate towards him.

Byakuya-nii-sama continued, "Many of the Arrancars were eliminated, though some of them fled back to Hueco Mundo, including three Espadas. They have kept quiet since then."

That must have been Nel and Grimmjow, and… Rukia wanted to ask about the third person, perhaps there was a chance, a one in a million— No, she knew better. No use indulging in false hope. Ulquiorra was gone. She had seen it with her very own eyes, and felt within the core of her soul.

"We lost many men. You already know about Lieutenant Matsumoto…"

"Yes… I… was too weak to save her. I tried, but… failed…" Tears that had already welled in her eyes when thinking about Ulquiorra, fell down for Matsumoto-san. "How is Captain Hitsugaya?"

"I would like to say that he is coping, yet Soul Society has not seen this cold a winter in centuries…"

Rukia nodded in understanding. Despite constantly having complained about Matsumoto-san, Captain Hitsugaya cherished her greatly. With his trusted lieutenant and a friend gone, he must have been overwhelmed with grief.

"We lost Captain Komamura. He gave his life in order to bring down Tōsen or whatever it was he had become. Lieutenant Omaeda is also gone, perished at the hands of the 2nd Espada. Madarame, too. He survived his fight with the 7th Espada, but his wounds were too grave, and he succumbed to them. Two of the Visored also fell during the battle. And many seated and unseated officers I do not even know the names of. Over a fourth of 6th and 13th Divisions is gone, and the same thing can be said about other Divisions."

She listened to her brother's recounting, and couldn't wrap her head around it. It all felt so surreal, as if from a nightmare. She couldn't imagine that there were so many familiar faces she would never see again. Worried, she asked, "What about Captain Ukitake? Kiyone and Sentarō?"

"They survived, and have been checking on you often. Although Ukitake has been bed-ridden after a tough battle with the 1st Espada. I shall inform him in the morning that you woke up. Such good news surely will speed up his recovery."

A sense of relief washed over Rukia. She was glad they were safe. "I would like to visit Captain, if possible."

Byakuya-nii-sama smiled softly. "Of course. Once you have the strength to."

She was grateful for her brother's support, so she smiled back at him, yet couldn't quite meet his eyes. She felt inadequate to do so.

"Your Human friends, too, are all fine," her brother added, anticipating her next question. "They had to leave Soul Society and are back home now, but are eagerly awaiting any news about you. I shall send them a message in the morning, and once you get better, you can visit them, too."

"Yes, I would love to do that," she replied, trying to sound enthusiastic, but deep inside she wasn't ready for it yet. She did want to see Inoue, but not the rest of her friends, especially not Ichigo. She needed to sort out her feelings first. Right now, she just wanted to be alone and drown in tears of her grief. "Thank you, Nii-sama, for filling me in despite such late hour. I do not mind waiting until morning to hear the rest, but I would hate to keep you up any longer. I am sure you have a busy day ahead of you."

"Do not worry about it, Rukia." He paused for a moment, only to resume in an accommodating tone, "But you are right, other news can wait. Hanatarō Yamada has been performing daily check-ups on you, and nothing has been out of ordinary, but take it easy for the time being. Suzume will draw you a bath and prepare some light snacks, as I suppose you will not be able to sleep for the night."

"Thank you, Nii-sama, that would be perfect," she replied graciously. "I think I shall spend the rest of the night meditating with Sode no Shirayuki and doing some light exercises to get back in shape."

Byakuya-nii-sama looked as if he wanted to say something else, but stopped himself. Bidding her a good night, he retired to his room.

Rukia's legs didn't work properly yet and gave out under her from time to time, so Suzume-san helped her up and to the bathroom. Even though she was left alone during her bath, she held back her tears, fearing that if she started crying, she wouldn't stop. The old matron was already fussing enough over her, and she'd rather not send her into a fit of worry.

Hot water soothed her body and loosened some of its stiffness. Gradually it started to feel like it was hers. There were no scars from the wounds Ichigo had inflicted on her, but she had that odd sensation in her chest. She didn't want to blame him for anything, but perhaps she couldn't escape the resentment towards him after all.

Done with her bath and back in her room, she assured Suzume-san that she would be fine on her own. It took her multiple attempts, but she eventually managed to send the old matron back to bed.

Finally alone, Rukia let out a shaky sigh. She carefully went to get her zanpakutō, and with her in her lap, she began meditating. Sode no Shirayuki.

Immediately, she was pulled into a cool embrace.

«I'm so sorry for your loss, I truly am,» Sode no Shirayuki said, her throat clutched in regret. «I tried, but it wasn't enough. I even ended up freezing you.»

Rukia just sat there, dumbfounded by her action. They were at odds over Ulquiorra, so she didn't expect her to comfort her. Her eyes clouded with tears and before she knew it, she was clinging to her as if her life depended on it, sobbing quietly into her shoulder. She maintained only enough self-control not to wail and wake up everyone at the Kuchiki Mansion.

Thank you for trying to help me back then. I really appreciate it, she said, once she could think more coherently.

«Shhh, it's all right,» Sode no Shirayuki whispered soothingly, stroking her hair and back. «Everything's going to be all right.»

She wanted to believe that, but she wasn't sure if it was possible without Ulquiorra. Those couple of weeks being separated from him were agonising enough, and now… she would never see him again. He was gone. This terrible thought again intensified her tears. It hurts so much… I don't know what to do without him.

«It's going to be all right,» the zanpakutō spirit repeated. «We'll go one step at a time, and figure things out as we go, all right? I'm always by your side, so lean on me as much as you want.»

Rukia nodded her head, and continued to cry as silently as possible, until she was emotionally numb. I think I'm a bit better, she said, and finding a handkerchief, she wiped her eyes and nose. Wanting to talk about something else, she remembered her conversation with her brother. She said, I heard from Nii-sama that your Bankai is beautiful.

«Of course.» Sode no Shirayuki put her chin up proudly. «I'm not called the most beautiful zanpakutō in Soul Society for nothing.» Then, realising who in the first place described her like this, she blushed and added shyly, «Byakuya-sama is too kind.»

The pride in her words and the reverence she had for Byakuya-nii-sama made the corners of Rukia's lips curl up just slightly. So you have lent me such a great power… she commented in awe. What is its name?

«Hakka—» the zanpakutō spirit stopped herself mid-name, and continued a bit sternly, «I cannot tell you the full name yet, we need to train more first. You are an integral part of my Bankai. I cannot have you freezing yourself again.»

I kind of wish I didn't thaw out of it, Rukia blurted out, the small improvement in her mood gone. She had been ready to follow Ulquiorra even in death, and that sentiment was still strong. There had to be a world where they could be together, without it being a taboo. This wasn't it.

«Don't say that!» Sode no Shirayuki cried, and shook her by her shoulders, only to hug her tightly again. «Oh, you foolish girl. I know how dear that Arr—Ulquiorra was to you, but it's going to be all right. You hear me? He was so determined to save you, I'm sure he would want you to go on.»

I don't belong here anymore, she said in a hollow voice. Or anywhere else, for that matter. I don't think I did anything wrong, but anyone would hate me for it.

She shook her head fervently. «Nonsense. I was harsh with you before, because I was worried about you. I might have not approved of him, but I would never shun you.»

Once I knew Soul Society was safe, I was going to elope with Ulquiorra, she confessed.

She sighed. «I know… You can't hide anything from me, after all.» A small, sad smile made its way to her face, when she added, «Your plan might have actually worked, I think. And I would have gone with you. Or I would have waited for you to eventually come back to me.»

Sode no Shirayuki… A tide of emotions for her closest companion swelled inside her chest, gratitude and regret being the most dominant.

«I still would have scolded you and cursed you, though,» the zanpakutō spirit said unhappily. «Him, too, for taking you away from me. But if anyone ever says a bad word about you or your feelings for him, I'll freeze them to death.»

Thank you, Rukia uttered, choking on her emotions. She hugged her companion tightly. And I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you.

«Silly, silly girl.»

As much as Sode no Shirayuki's words couldn't fill the emptiness left by loss of Ulquiorra, they did make her feel a bit better. She wasn't alone. She had at least her zanpakutō and Inoue whom she could confide anything to, be it her taboo love or sorrow. Perhaps with time her mournful feelings would be replaced with more happy ones, and she could share joy with them, too.

※

Next evening found Rukia sitting on a veranda surrounding the inner garden. Physically she was well enough, as declared by Hanatarō. He had done a check-up on her in the morning, while shedding tears of relief that she had finally awoken. Renji had also stormed in to see her first thing, but hadn't stayed long as Nii-sama had given him chores to complete. She really was glad to see her friends, but at the same time she wanted to be left alone, at least for a little while longer. She had a myriad of thoughts and feelings to sort out, and she didn't even know where to begin.

Leaning against a wooden pillar, she stared at the falling snow, letting her mind wander. She wondered if she would have been able to convince Ulquiorra to build a snowman with her, or how he would have reacted if she had thrown a snowball at him. She chuckled at the possible scenarios, while holding back her tears. If only they had more time…

She was startled by something touching her shoulders. Looking up, she saw Byakuya-nii-sama putting a thick winter haori around her.

"You are dressed too lightly for this weather," he chided.

Her gaze fell down on her night yukata and tabi. Admittedly, she wasn't wearing anything remotely close to being appropriate for freezing temperatures. "I do not feel cold, or rather it does not bother me," she explained, but brought the haori closer around herself.

"Even so, it does not mean it is good for you to expose yourself to it," he pointed out, and sat next to her.

She nodded in agreement. "You are right. I am grateful for your concern. I shall take a better care of myself."

He nodded back at her and shifted his gaze to the garden. They contemplated the winter scenery, each in their own thoughts. The silence was relatively comfortable.

"Something is bothering you," Byakuya-nii-sama said softly.

She frowned, confused. "It is nothing, Nii-sama," she assured him. Just as she was about to tell a plausible reason for her gloomy behaviour – something that wasn't entirely a lie, as she would hate to just lie to him – her brother's next question almost gave her a heart attack.

"Does it have something to do with that Arrancar? Ulquiorra Cifer was his name, if I am not mistaken."

Blood drained from her face and her mouth ran dry. Why was her brother bringing up Ulquiorra? Clearing her throat, she replied carefully, "I… do not think he deserved to die… He never hurt Inoue or I."

"He was a threat," her brother countered.

"He was not," she quickly protested. She should have kept quiet, but she didn't want anyone think he was a bad man. "With Aizen gone, he would have retreated."

"He told me you were his Heart."

She froze, her eyes wide. Her heart convulsed in a sad longing. "Ulquiorra… said that?" she asked in a choked whisper. Feeling tears well up and being unable to hold them back, she looked away. "W-why would he… say such a thing? I…"

"He was sincere about you, just as you were about him, were you not?"

Too overwhelmed by her emotions, she just stared to the side. Her bottom lip trembled, and she almost let a sob escape her. She just wanted to find herself in Ulquiorra's arms again, and to hug him back as tightly as she could. This time she wouldn't have let go. She would have showered him with kisses and she would have finally confessed her love… However this sweet fantasy was soon overtaken by a terrifying thought, He knows. The realisation hit her like a brick. Byakuya-nii-sama knows.

Shaken, she needed to retreat to gather her thoughts. Pausing to regain a semblance of composure, she bowed deeply to hide her face from him, and requested, "If Nii-sama excuses me, I shall retire for the night." A couple of her tears hit the wooden floor. There was no way he didn't notice them.

"Stay a little while longer," he told her.

Just as she nodded feebly, however, it wasn't dread that spread across her chest, but a strange sense of relief. No more hiding how she actually felt about Ulquiorra. No more acting as if she was fine, too. If she was punished, then so be it. Death didn't frighten her.

・

Byakuya couldn't bear seeing just how desolate Rukia was. Her quiet grief reminded him of himself when he had lost Hisana. Knowing that pain first-hand, he didn't want his sister to experience it. But what had happened, had happened, and now he could only help her get through it.

"We rarely have a heart to heart, and I wish it changed," he said. Their relationship had improved greatly since the day of her failed execution. The memory of his deplorable actions back then filled him with shame, but having realised his mistakes he would want to think he was on a good path of redeeming himself, and becoming a real brother to her. There still was a tangible distance between them, born from all those years of his indifference, and propriety. It would take time and effort, but he wanted Rukia to have a big brother in him and know that he was always there for her, no matter what. It was something Hisana would have wanted, too, he was sure of it.

To encourage her to open up to him, Byakuya spoke a bit of his own feelings, "I know it has been hard on you. Losing someone precious is as if your heart was replaced by a void that is about to tear you apart from the inside. That is how I felt when my wife passed away. I was a wreck of a man, yet no-one around me seemed to care. After saying their condolences, everyone expected me to be the Head of the Kuchiki Clan and a captain in Gotei-13. I do not want you to feel like you are alone with your pain, like I did."

"I… do not know what to say…" Rukia still didn't lift up her head, but he could recognise confusion and disbelief in her voice.

"Say whatever you want. Cry if you need to. You can also tell me something about him," he said gently, wanting her to feel at ease.

"I love Ulqiuorra, I really do," she blurted out. Then, her attitude became more distant and proper, and her words more mechanical, "I am not ashamed of my feelings, but perhaps I should not have acted upon them. It is too late for that now, though, and I am ready to face any punishment."

Her words stung Byakuya. She might have admitted her feelings, but she did so with resignation, ready to accept her fate, whatever he might make it to be. Regretfully, she still seemed to think him her judge, her jury and her executioner. So, he adamantly assured her, "No-one is going to punish you, Rukia, I will make sure of it."

"I am also going to resign from my position of a lieutenant, I do not deserve it," Rukia continued, still prostrating herself before him.

Byakuya couldn't stand it any longer, and taking her hands into his, he made her sit up and look at him. He told her firmly, "You do deserve it, and I am sure you will do great things for your Division and Seireitei. Moreover, if Ukitake heard you say that, he would be devasted. He would never allow it, even if he knew the reason behind your resignation." Taking a deep breath, he continued in a gentler tone, "Besides, immersing yourself in work will be good for you. It might bring little solace, but paperwork, training, and interaction with your colleagues will provide a distraction from your grief nonetheless. I say that from my own experience. When I lost Hisana, I also tried to focus only on memories of times we have spent together and cherish them, instead of on the fact that she is gone. I still do, once in a while."

At first Rukia only stared at him, her face painfully devoid of emotions but for her eyes that spoke of sorrow. Slowly her mask she had trained on began to crumble. First, her bottom lip started to quiver; then, a tear fell down, soon followed by more. Before long, she was sobbing woefully.

"I try, but it just hurts so much," she blubbered out. "We have spent so little time together, too."

Shifting closer to her, Byakuya took his sister into his arms. "I know," he said, stroking her hair in an attempt to comfort her.

"I did not even tell Ulquiorra how I feel about him," she lamented into his chest. "I really tried to fight those feelings, I did! I rejected him once, too. But the more I struggled the more I was falling for him. And yet, I never told him and I cannot help but regret it deeply."

"I am sure he knew it."

His heart ached for his sister. Having experienced loss himself, he knew of crushed hopes and dreams, as well as haunting regrets and missed opportunities. It would take time until her heart healed, especially since it seemed she truly loved that man. It hadn't been a mere infatuation, despite it being a fleeting affair. Perhaps having been aware of their circumstances and how uncertain they were, she had put all her heart into it.

What unfortunate siblings they were… They both had fallen for an inappropriate person, and they both had wanted to fight for it, but they both had lost that person too quickly. Life was unfair.

Byakuya genuinely cared about Rukia and her feelings, but at the same time he was glad that Arrancar was gone. If he weren't, he would have been forced to separate the forbidden lovers. Rukia would have hated and resented him for that, even though his strictness would have been for her own good. Fortunately, he was saved from again becoming a villain to her. Now all he had to do was make sure that no report even hinted at any possible relationship between the two.

"You are all cold," he spoke, once she calmed down. "Let us get inside. I will have Suzume put another heater inside your room and prepare you a hot ginger tea. What do you say?"

She nodded, so he lifted her up and carried her to her room. When he was tucking her under the covers, she caught his sleeve.

"I am sorry, Nii-sama, for disappointing you."

He shook his head. "Who am I to judge you, Rukia?"

※

The next day, Rukia was sent off to the Winter Villa to recuperate. It was a small complex with charming old buildings, a garden, and – most importantly – natural hot springs. Their water was supposed to have healing properties, but whether it was true or not, it would definitely dispel the stiffness and coldness that still lingered in her body.

She was accompanied by Hanatarō, who was there to monitor her health and keep her company, and two servants. She saw them only around meals, so most of the time she was alone, either brooding, training or meditating with Sode no Shirayuki. She had all the peace and quiet she needed to organise her thoughts and feelings.

Byakuya-nii-sama visited her on the weekend. They spent the whole Saturday together talking or just sitting and drinking tea, while gazing at the winter landscape. He humoured her when she asked him to spar with her. Her stamina was less than a third of the usual, though, and so she had to give up quite quickly.

In the evening they soaked in hot springs, in two adjoining pools separated by a partition, and again talked. During the day it was mostly Byakuya-nii-sama who had relayed news from Seireitei, but now, taking the advantage of their privacy, he asked her to tell him about that fateful New Year's Day. And she did tell him everything. About the gruesome fight with Yammy; how she woke up in Garganta; how she tried to stop the fight between Ulquiorra and Ichigo… and how the man she loved… perished. Her voice cracked by the end of her story, and tears rolled down her face, falling and mixing with hot spring water.

After a good night sleep, Rukia felt that excruciating ache inside her chest lessen just a bit. Both her mood and physical condition improved over the next couple of days. She even hung out more with Hanatarō, chatting and training with him. He was her good friend, after all, and she had been rather neglecting him since they had arrived at the Winter Villa.

It wasn't long before she felt it was time to return to Seiretei and take over her lieutenant duties.

※

With Captain Ukitake still unwell, the whole 13th Division was on Rukia's shoulders. She had helped out with paperwork or errands in the past, so she wasn't that much a fish out of water, but now she was responsible for everything. Fortunately, she had Kiyone and Sentarō to guide and support her.

They were just showing her how some of the documents were organised, when Byakuya-nii-sama arrived. With an elegant motion of his hand, he dismissed her two 3rd Seats. Once they were alone, he gave her a piece of paper.

"What is it?" she asked, taking it.

"Your battle report," he explained. "I want you to stamp and file it unchanged."

He had told her that he would take care of her account, so she wasn't that much surprised. She just didn't expect he would even let her see it, especially since he intended to have it classified. The report was short, so she quickly read it. "It is very succinct, yet quite… vague."

"Only to you. Anyone who does not know the truth will assume your injuries were inflicted by that Arrancar."

Rukia frowned. "I do not like this idea. Ulquiorra—"

"He gave his life in order to protect you," her brother countered. "I believe he would not mind."

Sorrow overcame her, and she complained, "But I do. Everyone already think he was someone loathsome. He was not." Surprisingly, her brother left in the fact that Ulquiorra had saved her from Yammy and had had Grimmjow bring her to Inoue. Although the presumption was that he had done so only to again forcefully carry her off back to Hueco Mundo. Thankfully, Ichigo had been there to save her… "I despise this slander."

Byakuya-nii-sama sighed, and put his hand on her shoulder. "I know," he said softly. "But there is no other way. Besides, truth behind your injuries might implicate not only you, but Ichigo Kurosaki as well. The fact that he lost control and almost killed you will not look good. He might be seen as a potential threat to Soul Society."

Rukia hadn't considered it. If a word of it reached Captain-Commander Yamamoto, it might put her friend in danger… "I think Ichigo ought to know about it, though."

"I agree, and I trust your judgement in what you decide to disclose to your friends. Ichigo Kurosaki ought to learn more from the Visored about his Hollow powers and how to keep them under control. However – officially – it is better not to attribute your injuries to him. It would only put you both under Seireitei's scrutiny, and I cannot see it ending well."

Reluctantly, she nodded her head in agreement. Going back to the report, she noticed another distortion of the events. "You also did not mention Nel, and that Inoue fixed her."

"No need to implicate Orihime Inoue either. Even if that female Arrancar had no baneful intentions, Madarame still died of injuries she had inflicted on him. It is better to leave out your friend's involvement with her. The other Arrancar abducted her in order to heal you is a good reason why she was there. It is not far from the truth either. Timeline does not match exactly, but no-one will notice it or be able to verify it."

"Nii-sama thought of everything." And she was grateful for that, especially in this case. Inoue was too precious a friend and a person to implicate her. Some Shinigamis, including Captain-Commander, distrusted her since her first involvement with Aizen. It filled Rukia with dread at what action they might have taken, should they knew about Hōgyoku and Nel.

Was it Byakuya-nii-sama's bargaining chip? To save Ichigo and Inoue's good name in return of condemning Ulquiorra? It would also save her own reputation. Nasty rumours of things that allegedly had happened to her during her captivity in Las Noches already circulated around Soul Society, but at least – officially – she had clear conscience. Injuries she had sustained would be a clear sign she hadn't wanted to have anything to do with their enemy. Would Ulquiorra really have been fine with it?

He had once said that if faced with no other choice, he would have hurt her if it meant saving her life. Pragmatic to the core, he was a man who wouldn't have shied away from a difficult choice. Ruthless, if needed.

She reread the report a few more times, while battling with her thoughts.

At long last, she took out her stamp. Her hand shook a bit when she pressed it down onto the ink pad and then onto the paper, sealing this falsified narrative as facts.

※

Rukia threw herself into the whirl of work and training, avoiding any free time as much as she could. Just as Byakuya-nii-sama had suggested, it kept her distracted from grief. Being a fresh lieutenant with their captain indisposed, it was easy to keep herself occupied. Paperwork, learning from Kiyone and Sentarō, creating schedules, training with either her Division, her brother or alone, visiting Captain Ukitake to report on their Division's performance, and many more… She was probably the busiest person in whole Soul Society. One evening she even collapsed from overworking herself.

Seeing this, Renji dropped by every now and then to ask if she needed any help. She was reluctant at first, but she didn't want to turn her best friend down. Still, she felt quite uncomfortable having him around, both hurt that he hadn't believed her about Ulquiorra, and scared of losing his friendship had he known the full truth. He never mentioned the War, though. She suspected Byakuya-nii-sama had something to do with it.

One day, Renji had just said his good bye and was already by the door of her office, but stopped in his tracks. He sighed in exasperation. Then – to her surprise – he turned on his heel, approached her, and smacked her on the head. "Whatever you are overthinking in there, stop it."

Massaging the spot where his hand connected, she pouted at him. "What was that for?"

"Rukia, I've known you for years. You like to bottle things up, and never tell me what's bothering you. That's fine, you don't have to. But there's this distance that you put between us. You always do that when you think I'll be mad or disappointed or whatever, and I don't get why." He put his hands on her shoulders, a sad expression on his face. "We've been through thick and thin together, you dumbass. Put some faith in me, will you?"

"Renji…" Guilt and gratitude swelled in her chest. Amidst her grief and all kinds of doubts, she had pushed her best friend away. She didn't deserve him… "I'm so—"

"Don't!" he interrupted her. "Either say what's bothering you or say nothing at all. Just remember – whatever happens or whatever you do, Rukia, I'm always here for you." He poked her in the forehead. "Get that into your thick skull already."

Tearing up, she couldn't get even a single word out, so she only nodded repeatedly.

"Good," he said, and again smacked her on the head. "Now, cheer up. I'll see you tomorrow."

She stared after his retreating form, while tears streamed down her face. In her misfortune she failed to remember how fortunate she was to have her friends and her brother. With them, she could overcome anything.

Soon, she began to again feel at ease around Renji. When she asked him for a favour a few days later, his face – surprised at first – lightened up in a smile. He was happy she wanted to rely on him. Before long, they were bickering like in the past. He was also the one who made her laugh for the first time in what felt like forever.

---

Grimmjow lounged on the throne. He was in a sour mood, his head aching from all the nonsense his 'subjects' came to him with. His hands itched to kill a dozen of them as an example to not bother him with trifles, but he had to watch his actions. He! The king! What a fucking bullshite!

Out of Espadas only he, Nel and Harribel survived. Some lower-ranked Arrancars had demanded that they regroup and storm Soul Society again to free Aizen, but he had ordered against it. Any unauthorised action would be punished by death. As it was now, Hueco Mundo stood no chance against Shinigamis, having lost a vast majority of their fighting force. Not to mention, it wasn't guaranteed that their previous master would be able to aid to their power anymore. Rumours were that he had lost his reiatsu. Sure, he still could be useful with his intelligence and strategic prowess, but not right now. Their top priority should be to rebuild; once back to strength, they could consider retrieving Aizen.

Surprisingly, his fellow Espadas backed him up on that matter. Harribel, though, kept silently scowling at him that he took the throne. Clearly, she had ambitions for the crown, too. The early bird catches the worm, bitch. She tolerated him for now, imposing herself on him as an advisor. But the moment he acted out of line with her vision of a Hueco Mundo ruler, she would definitely step in and depose him.

Nel acted as an intermediary between the two of them, defusing any conflicts. However if he did something unworthy of the title of Hueco Mundo's king, he presumed she would support Harribel's rule without hesitation. This thought bothered him more than he cared to admit.

Outside of the official meetings, Grimmjow didn't see Nel at all. She never approached him, but it wasn't like she had had a habit of doing so in the past. It always had been him bothering her, not the other way around. During the meetings she acted reserved, though he did manage to make her crack a smile with his vulgar tirades from time to time. It always calmed down his anger or irritation, though he did his best not to let it show.

As for him, he didn't seek her out either. Having seen what Nnoitra had done to her, or knowing that even Ulquiorra – the most in-control son of a bitch! – had hurt his dearest girl, convinced him that keeping the distance was for the better. He was all too aware of his own violent nature, and didn't want Nel to be on the receiving end of it.

He cared too much about her.

Grimmjow had finally admitted it to himself. With this acknowledgment came a firm decision to never ponder on his feelings again and stay the fuck away from her. This way all should be fine.

It didn't stop him from thinking about Nel, though, lewd thoughts included…

Grumbling profanities at himself under his breath, he got up, ready to retreat to his chambers. He needed to get away for some time, somewhere where neither his subjects nor his own thoughts would bother him. How he wished to push those away with bloodshed and destruction!

Then, Grimmjow heard the door to the Throne Room open. Fate seemed to be kind enough to send him an unsuspecting victim to vent his frustrations on. Scowling at whoever had the gall to piss him off at this hour, he turned around to disintegrate them with Balas—

It was Nel.

His annoyance dispersed at once, replaced by a sheer surprise.

She bowed to him – playfully, but not mockingly, and jingled a six-pack of beer in her hand.

Realising her intention, he grumbled, "That won't even cut it." Part of him wanted to push her away, while the other part was disappointed that she only came to him to pay back her debt.

"I'll bring more next time," Nel promised with a smile.

Grimmjow waved his hand. "Forget it." There really shouldn't be a next time… Yet, seeing her smile falter, he blurted out without thinking, "Just have a drink with me tonight and we're even." He was an idiot. Where did the thing about pushing her away go? Whatever… A short encounter shouldn't do any harm.

Without waiting for her reply, he led the way to a small terrace and hopped onto the roof above the Throne Room. He sat at the edge, facing the moon. The pale disk was almost full, so the night was bright. Hueco Mundo sands gently shimmered in its light like a calm sea.

Nel took a spot next to him, closer than what he would have expected from her to choose. She uncapped two bottles and gave him one.

"Are you hurt?" she asked, noticing the bandages around his torso.

"Nah," he replied. "I just removed my Espada tattoo in the morning. It should have healed by now."

"You scorched it off? Will you do mine?" Before he could say anything, she took off her jacket, and rolled up her undershirt, exposing her back.

Grimmjow stared in surprise… and appreciation. Soft moonlight touched her curves, and for the first time in his life he wanted to be a fucking moonlight… It took him a moment to grasp that he was actually ogling her. For fuck's sake, get a grip! He forced himself to look away and took a big swig of his beer. Clearing his throat, he said, "Ask the medics. They'll remove it with little or no scar."

Nel turned her head to look at him, a solemn frown on her face. "I don't mind a scar. I don't want the tattoo, but I don't want to pretend that being an Espada wasn't a part of my past. A scar will be an appropriate reminder. You had the same idea, didn't you?"

He didn't. He just woke up this morning, and remembered the tattoo. Their ranks were obsolete now, so he decided to remove the '6' from his back. He did it himself, because he didn't want to bother with other people. Simple as that, no philosophy behind his action.

"So, will you do it for me?" she insisted.

"Fine," he gave in, and definitely not because he envied the moonlight. His fingers hesitated before touching her skin. It was as soft as he had imagined. He felt Nel tense under his fingertips. Was it in anticipation of pain? Or was it his touch? Or perhaps this meeting of theirs after weeks of avoiding each other?

"Here I go," he warned her. Something akin to regret filled him, when he focused on controlling his reiatsu just enough to scorch off the layer of skin with the tattoo and no deeper. Yet, there was also that odd satisfaction that she trusted him enough to let him scar her. "Done. Just don't come to me later crying that you don't like the shape of your scar, princess."

・

Nel chuckled. "Thanks. And I promise I won't." She tied her undershirt under her breasts to let the wound dry in the desert wind. It would take a few hours for it to heal afterwards.

"Even if it's shaped like a dick?" Grimmjow asked offhandedly.

Her eyes widened and her smile fell. "What?! You didn't!" His response was a smug smirk. "Grimmjow!" She turned left and right, twisting, arching and bending her body, trying to take a good look at her back.

After a moment he burst out in a cackle. Soon it changed into an uncontrollable guffaw. He was most pleased with himself.

"You can be such a jerk!" Nel scowled at him, unamused. "I guess I should have done it myself…" She was about to fix the mess of the wound, but he caught her wrist, stopping her.

"I was just kidding," Grimmjow wheezed out. "It doesn't resemble anything. At least not anything obscene, I don't think." He again started cackling. "But you should have seen your face! I haven't laughed so hard in ages!"

She snatched her hand away and scoffed, "You're still a jerk." At least her worries eased…

He shot her a grin in response.

Seeing him like this, so boisterously elated, even if at her expense, Nel couldn't help but smile back. There was a boyish charm about him that caught her by surprise and disarmed her. She could no longer be mad at him. Besides, he didn't really do any harm, just made a crude joke. "You're impossible. Let's drink to it," she said and raised her beer at him.

"Cheers!" he responded and clinked his bottle against hers.

Nel finally felt that she could relax. It seemed that her company wasn't as unwelcome as she had feared…

Since that fateful day it seemed quite obvious to her that Grimmjow was avoiding her. Assuming it was because he scorned her, she respected the distance he had put between them. Being a woman of principles, however, she was compelled to pay back her debt. It gave her a good excuse to approach him, as well as an opportunity to test just how he felt about her really.

She was pleasantly surprised that they still had that camaraderie. Hearing him call her a 'princess' again, made her also realise just how badly she missed his unruly company. It was a silly nickname, but she did like it when he called her that.

Perhaps she had misunderstood him and he wasn't avoiding her? Perhaps he had just been busy? Or stressed with his new role that he just had no time for her?

Nel still wanted to explain to him the things that almost had led her to her demise, hadn't it been for him. If there was one person she wanted to understand her relationship with Nnoitra, it was Grimmjow. So he knew just how much she appreciated his help. He had literally torn her away from her poison, freeing her. He was sort of her knight in shining armour, and she felt she owed him this explanation, even more than the beer.

"I loved Nnoitra," she confessed.

His smirk changed into a frown, and he grumbled, "I'm not sure if I wanna hear about it."

"You asked about it in the past, so be quiet and listen."

He raised his hand for her to pause. Next, he downed the current beer bottle, and opened a fresh one. Then, he downed it, as well. "Okay, shoot," he told her as he opened the third bottle.

Nel rolled her eyes, unimpressed. "I loved him, but platonically. Like a friend or a dear subordinate. But he became my obsession." She looked away from Grimmjow and to the cold moon. This way it was easier to get this off her chest. "The more his mind and morals deteriorated, the more I was drawn to him. To change him; to save him. It was a toxic relationship, I knew it, but I just couldn't disentangle myself from it. I found sense in being miserable. Finally, that day I mustered up my determination to end it once and for all. But seeing Nnoitra all bloodied and battered, and dying… He was lucid, too, like in the past… Seeing him like this I couldn't bring myself to finish him off. I could only console him, and wait with him for his end. And then things went awry and he almost took me with himself."

Nel looked back at Grimmjow, a grateful smile on her face. "So, thank you again, I'm really glad that you saved me."

"You're welcome, princess," he replied, oddly in earnest.

To lighten up the mood, she declared, "I owe you a big time, Your Majesty. I'm forever at your service." She even bowed to him, playfully, but she really meant every word she said. She did want to support him as the king.

Observing him for the past weeks, she was actually proud of him and how he carried himself. Despite having a short temper, he did extremely well to keep it in check. Tier watching him like a hawk definitely helped, but she could see his struggle to be patient with people and not start killing them left and right. He also had some good ideas and clearly was a natural-born leader. Yet, sometimes she thought she noticed signs of weariness in him.

・

Grimmjow felt appreciated, and it was an awkward feeling. Not unpleasant, though, quite on the contrary. Nel's smile made all his efforts seem worth it. Glimpses of melancholy still could be seen in her eyes, but they were outshone by joy. Her lips curved up sweetly, and were more alluring than ever…

He tore his gaze away from her, and took a big swig of his beer. He mustn't indulge in such dangerous thoughts! She looked the happiest and most carefree he had ever seen her, and he wanted her to always be like this. So that meant keeping his distance, and not wanting to kiss her! Destruction was his element; it would be only a matter of time before he would want to tear her apart. Stay away from her, you fucking idiot!

"Forget it, we're even now," Grimmjow said nonchalantly, and clinked his beer bottle against hers. After a pause, he revealed what had been on his mind lately, "Besides, I'm gonna resign."

Nel frowned in surprise. "What? Why?"

"From the moment I regained the sense of self, I knew I wanted to stand at the top of the top. Now that I'm here, it's nothing special. It's actually fucking boring being the king of Hueco Mundo. People have the audacity to ask me to solve their problems. Who gives a shit? It was better when I just had my pack."

"Oh, so that's why you've been looking quite unhappy recently?" she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

A warm feeling spread inside his chest at the notion that she had noticed it. "More or less, yeah," he admitted, though it wasn't the only reason.

"I think it's more often than not that our ideals or goals turn out to be something else from what we have imagined. Just be proud of what you achieved and move on. Find a new goal. Who knows, maybe this one will be exactly what you were looking for."

Grimmjow smirked at her motivational prattle, but kept a snarky remark to himself. "I still want the power, but not this kind exactly. I want people to be awed not by my title, but my accomplishments; I want mere rumours about me inspire fear or amazement or both."

"That's quite an ambition," Nel commented, an encouraging smile on her face. "I'll be keeping my ears open for those rumours."

"Do you want the crown? I can name you my successor," he offered. From his princess she would become his queen. If there was anyone he wouldn't mind taking orders from, it was her. To a reasonable degree, of course, but still.

She shook her head. "No, I don't want any restraints like this. For the first time in gods know how long I feel free. I want to spend some time roaming Hueco Mundo or Human World with my fraccións."

"Shame. I think you'd make a decent queen. You actually care," Grimmjow said, masking the pang of disappointment. It meant she would be leaving Las Noches, and he wouldn't know immediately her whereabouts. To distract himself from this unpleasant thought, he half-joked, "I might have even let you order me around."

・

Nel laughed, a bit tipsy from the alcohol and his company. "Now that's one tempting privilege, I might just change my mind…" She really had missed this camaraderie they had. It felt both cosy and exciting. She wanted it to last, but she didn't want to get too close to him in fear of getting too attached. "But no. It's not for me either."

"I guess 'queen' doesn't have the same ring to it as 'princess' does, huh?" Grimmjow asked with a smirk, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, as if something on his mind distracted him.

"That's right, it doesn't." But only if he was the one calling her a princess. No-one else better dared to do that.

"I still might listen to an order from a princess, but it better be a fucking good one." His voice and gaze were uncharacteristically gentle.

"If I have a good one, I won't hesitate." Nel felt something was spoken between them in undertones here. It was a small thing just between the two of them, something special. A promise of sorts.

"I guess I'll toss the crown to Harribel, then," Grimmjow said, back to the topic.

She nodded her head in approval. "She's a good choice. Probably the best one you have, really." After a pause, she asked curiously, "Do you actually have a crown?"

"No. Do you think I would look good in one?"

Nel imagined Grimmjow in a regal pose, all serious and quite dashing. It sent her into a fit of giggles. "Oddly enough, yes. I think it would suit you. All hail King Grimmjow the First. Nah, that's bland. All hail King Grimmjow the Great. The Awesome? The Bored-of-Your-Shit?"

He sniggered. "I like the last one. I'm a great leader of people I acknowledge. But here I have to deal with people I don't give a flying shit about. It's just fucking tedious."

"You do you. If you don't like it here, find yourself a different place. Or a different purpose," she advised. "At least that's what I intend to do."

"Nel…" he began, but stopped himself. Instead, he opted for, "Yeah, you're right."

She wondered what he might have wanted to say, but didn't pry. If he decided to leave it unsaid, then perhaps it was for the better.

"Well, I'll be going now. I hope our paths cross again, Grimmjow." She stood up and he followed suit. "As I said, I'll be keeping my ears open to rumours about you, so they better be good." She grinned at him. Then, before she could think better of it, she added earnestly, "Though I'd rather hear your stories from you."

His face was oddly unreadable, bearing both a smile and a frown. His eyes held unspoken words, matching her own. They would have to wait for another time; a better opportunity. Or they would remain forever unspoken.

Nel sent him a last smile, and was about to turn around to leave, when she felt his arms around herself, bringing her into a tight embrace. Surrounded by his warmth, she just stood there in shock, too aware of his firm body pressed against hers. Her heartbeat went crazy and a blush crept on her face.

"Take a good care of yourself, princess," Grimmjow eventually whispered into her ear.

Just when she relaxed and was about to return the embrace, he let go of her and disappeared. But not before leaving a soft kiss on the side of her head… It was like a breeze on her hair, but she was sure it was a kiss. Or did she imagine it?

"You too, Grimmy," Nel whispered warmly into the endless night.

---

At the beginning of March, Rukia was finally ready to visit her friends in Human World. Renji had been pestering her about it every occasion he got, but she had hidden herself behind an excuse of everyone being busy – she in her new role as a lieutenant, and their Human friends busy with school and final exams. It was the truth, really. But she also hadn't mustered up her resolve to face Ichigo just yet. The events from New Year's Day and how merciless and relentless he had been were still fresh in her mind.

Brooding, she often imagined how their reunion would go, what she would tell Ichigo and how, and what his reaction would be.

At first, Rukia's thoughts were quite bitter, having no qualms about cussing him for having killed her lover; for having not listened to a word she had said about Ulquiorra. She had wanted to let him know just how much she was hurting and how she wished he had killed her then as well.

As time passed, her resentful feelings gradually settled and changed into concern. Ichigo hadn't been himself when it all had happened. He had been like a puppet controlled by his Hollow side. What had caused it? How could it be prevented from occurring ever again? Her main focus now was to keep her friend safe. Blaming him would neither help nor change the past.

Still, apprehension squeezed Rukia's gut, when she went through the Senkaimon. All the way she wanted to turn on her heel and run back to Soul Society. And then, the moment she stepped into Human World, all she felt was nostalgia. When they arrived at Ichigo's home, she couldn't help but smile.

"That's more like it," Renji said offhandedly, and patted her on the head, before ringing the doorbell.

Rukia didn't get to be confused as almost immediately the door opened and she was swooped into a warm hug. "Kuchiki-san!" Inoue cried happily, and swirled with her around. "I missed you so much!"

She wasn't sure if it were the swirls, tight embrace or her emotions, but she felt dizzy. "I missed you, too," she replied tearfully. For the last few weeks she had been wondering whether not to use Kuchiki Clan's private Senkaimon and visit her in secret for a girl talk and just to spend some time with her. However she had never gone through it, fearing that Ichigo would have noticed her arrival and approached her when she hadn't been ready to face him yet. Pulling away from the hug, she noticed a worried expression on Inoue's face. "I'm fine, somehow," she mouthed silently to reassure her.

"Yo, Rukia," she heard from behind.

"Ichigo," she greeted him warmly, as well as her other friends, "Sado, Ishida. It's so good to see you all again."

Ichigo invited them inside, and they sat around and talked to catch up with each other. They got so excited that they ended up making toasts – with juice or soft drinks as most of the company was underage, just sixteen years old. In Soul Society Rukia was of drinking age, but since here she was just a high schooler, she had her melon soda. She didn't drink alcohol much anyway. Renji on the other hand complained that toasts without booze were lame, so Ichigo got him a can of beer from his dad.

"To the end of exams!", "To Rukia's promotion!", and "To our bright future!" were some of the most enthusiastic ones, so that so Mr Kurosaki barged in to check if they all weren't secretly drinking alcohol… only to offer they can take the rest of the six-pack he had. They declined, except for Renji who helped himself to another can.

"Oh right, Rukia, congratulations on achieving your Bankai!" Ichigo said.

She waved her hands in front of her to stop the cheering that came. "Don't, it's too early. I don't have a Bankai yet."

Ichigo frowned in confusion. "What do you mean? We all saw that ice, the scale was amazing."

"I don't know my Bankai's name, so I can't control it yet," she explained. "It will take some more training before Sode no Shirayuki teaches me its name."

"So, what was that?"

"Desperation, I guess," she said half-jokingly, only to realise it was too real.

Ichigo snorted incredulously. "Well, whatever it was it worked. You got to finish off Ulquiorra. Congra—"

"I didn't," she quickly denied. "It was your doing—" she bit her tongue at her almost accusing tone. With a sigh, she added quietly, "I… I never wished him dead. I just… wanted him to leave." And wait for me to join him…

Rukia had imagined this conversation so many times in so many different scenarios that – for the most part – she was able to detach herself emotionally. Despite this, it still was hard on her. However, they were bound to have this conversation either way, so it was better to get over with it. With that resolve, she continued, "I don't really want to talk about that day, too many bad things happened… But there is something you need to know, Ichigo. You don't remember anything, do you? From that fight?"

"I don't. Why?" he asked, clearly perplexed.

"You were the one who tore off my arm and stabbed me in the chest," Rukia revealed, a heavy feeling squeezing her chest.

The room fell silent. Everyone but Inoue stared at her with eyes wide with disbelief. She regretted that they all had to hear it, especially Ichigo. She wished he could have stayed oblivious, but there was no guarantee that it wouldn't reoccur; that something worse wouldn't happen. He needed to learn about it. Their friends, too, so they all could work out a solution to that uncontrollable Hollow part of him.

"W-what?" Ichigo uttered, his face pale from the shock.

"What are you saying, Rukia?" Renji asked incredulously. "Wasn't it that Arrancar?"

She shook her head and looked sadly at Ichigo. "I interfered with your fight. I guess you didn't like it, so you targeted not only Ulquiorra, but also me," she explained. "You were… terrifying. I could barely recognise you. My ice… I was desperate to stop not Ulquiorra but you." A shiver ran down her spine at the memory. "You ought to be careful and train more is what I want to say. Perhaps Shinji and other Visored can still teach you more about that Hollow part of you and how to control it?"

It took Ichigo a moment to get over his shock. Eventually, he said, "I… don't know what to say. I'm sorry, Rukia."

"It's all right," she reassured him.

"It's not all right, I—"

"That's enough," she cut him off. "I don't blame you…" Well, maybe a tiny bit… "Just be careful, and don't push yourself too hard. You have us to help you, you know… Whatever happens we're here for you. So, don't ever lose your heart again."

He ran his hand through his hair, still wrapping his head around all this. "Got it. I'll get to the bottom of it," he declared, his eyes set in resolve. "And Rukia… that should be my line. You have us, too. No matter what."

She smiled, and replied simply, "I know."

※

Step by step, Rukia slowly processed her grief. She truly felt that she could count on Byakuya-nii-sama and her friends, and it helped her immensely. Yet, she decided not to tell anyone else about her relationship with Ulquiorra. Partly because she still was unable to shake off that fear of their judgement, and partly because she didn't want Ichigo to feel even more guilt towards her. Five people privy to her treasonous romance were already plenty, too.

Less often than she would want to, she visited Inoue for a girl talk and just to hang out with her. Their meetings were not only fun, but also therapeutic, and for both of them, too. Rukia dealt with a loss of her lover, while Inoue with what seemed to be an unrequited love for Ichigo.

In Seireitei, Rukia's days were filled with duties to the brim. She quickly learned the knack of running her Division, and with success filled in for her indisposed Captain.

At home everything was well, too. Byakuya-nii-sama suggested she took upon herself a representative role for their Clan. She would start with some small functions, but with time, she could even become the main hostess for big Clan events, if everything went well. Firstly, though, she needed to learn more advanced etiquette and intricate connections between the individuals in all noble families in Soul Society. She had a long way ahead of her.

In rare moments of respite, she could be found sitting under the weeping willow that grew by the pond in the inner garden her room opened to. There she made a small altar to commemorate Ulquiorra. It was just the Chappy part of the hairpin that her brother had returned to her. She tied a red thread around it and hung it on a high branch, so no-one would find it. Occasionally she would burn incenses for him, when she was sure no-one would notice.

There were still times she cried unconsolably, while longing for him and the relationship they could have had. More often, though, she either reminisced about the times they had spent together, or imagined him in her current life. Thinking up how he would have found himself hanging out with her friends or interacting with her brother was – least to say – quite entertaining. It made her smile or even chuckle at how bizarre it would have been, especially in the beginning.

"Your Heart's doing fine. Misses you terribly, though," Rukia whispered softly into the night, a lone tear slid down her cheek. As in vain as it was, she prayed that Ulquiorra would hear her, and came to save her from her yearning.

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Hope you liked it! I didn't want it to be too depressing, but I'm all in for bittersweetness. More of that in the epilogue whenever I get it done! I don't intend it to be long, so hopefully it'll be out still this year. We'll see. Fingers crossed!

I'm still on a mission of rewriting old chapters. I got chapter 17 done recently, but I'll reupload it in bulk with chapters 18 to 20, I think, as I changed the setting a bit, and it needs to get back to the old one, otherwise it would be confusing. I'm adding some small new scenes, too, so Rukia can have more memories of Ulquiorra… *sob sob*

Since we're one step before wrapping up, please share your favourite scene(s), if you have any! (I'll let you know mine next time… if I'm able to choose one, lol.) Or perhaps I have missed something or forgot about something? Perhaps there's a scene you'd like to read? Perhaps something that could become a nice memory for Rukia? Or maybe you'd like to read a silly omake about something or someone? LOL. Do let me know, and I'll do my best to indulge you ;)

Take care and until the next time!

Oh, and Easter is just around the corner, so if you celebrate – Happy Easter to you!

朝霧 -Asagiri-