The Staten Island Mall stood eerily quiet after hours. The Slayer and the mercenary stealthily navigated through the deserted space, their footsteps echoing in the cavernous halls. She had just gotten a lead, some strange happenings—vampires lurking in the shadows, but they hadn't expected to encounter something bizarre.
Buffy glanced over her shoulder at Deadpool, who was examining a mannequin in a nearby clothing store. "Will you stop staring? We're not here to play dress-up," She urgently said.
He turned, feigning innocence. "I'm just admiring these fashion choices! Look at that ensemble! What a daring mix of polyester and regret!"
Just as she held up an index finger to respond, a low growl echoed through the mall, interrupting her. They both froze, eyes darting around the expansive space. Suddenly, a pack of small, scrappy dogs, burst from behind a row of kiosks—each one sporting glowing red eyes and sharp fangs.
"Buffy, look! Dracula puppies!" Deadpool exclaimed, pointing dramatically at the swarm of vampire dogs charging toward them. "Aww! I bet they don't even need puppy pads!"
She rolled her eyes, brandishing her stake. "Don't get attached! They're still vampire dogs and definitely unfriendly!"
The first vampire dog, a Pomeranian, lunged at her, snapping its jaws. With a swift motion, Buffy sidestepped, driving her stake into the creature's side. It erupted into a plume of ash, leaving behind a lingering smell of burnt fur.
"Nice shot!" Deadpool called, simultaneously dodging a Shih Tzu as it leapt toward him. "But you're gonna need to up your game! They're little furry ninjas!" He drew his swords and slashed at a leaping Dachshund, sending it yipping into the air before it exploded into dust.
"Ninja puppies?" Buffy asked, barely avoiding a third that nipped at her ankle.
"They might be the ultimate adversaries!" Deadpool hollered as he kicked a feral Chihuahua away, sending it crashing into a row of shopping bags.
They fought back-to-back, as the vampire dogs darted and yipped, their fangs gleaming menacingly. Buffy spun around, delivering a roundhouse kick that sent a Yorkshire Terrier flying into a nearby store display. "I can't believe I'm slaying vampire mutts, in a mall, in Staten fucking Island!"
"Hey, don't knock it! These mini-poodles have style!" he shot back, slashing a French Poodle speeding toward him. "I mean, who doesn't want a stylish, undead canine companion in their purse?"
With a final use of her stake, Buffy successively took out a Westie, a Pug and a Corgi, leaving them in a pile of ash and glittering dog collars. She leaned against a nearby display, catching her breath. "I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that we just fought these dogs, or that you were actually enjoying it."
"C'mon, they were so cute! Just imagine their little fangy faces in a puppy playdate!" Deadpool grinned, arms raised in victory. "Next time, we should bring Scooby Snacks!"
Buffy leaned back against the display, bemused. "You know, this might be the weirdest thing we've ever done together."
"Of our earliest endeavors, I agree, which leads me to ask, are we responsible for cleanup?" he said, gesturing to the dust settling on the floor. "We should start a cleaning service. 'Wilson and Summers: Dracula Puppy Exterminators!'"
"Or maybe we'll just stick to beating up the bipedal bloodsuckers," she suggested, shaking her head.
"Fine, but I still want my doggy playdate!" he called, skipping ahead as they made their way through the empty mall.
"Let's not put that idea in the universe," Buffy replied as they continued their walking through the deserted Staten Island Mall, ready for whatever awaited them next.