Derek always knew he would have children with Addison.
It wasn't just a desire; it was a certainty. Something that came built into the very idea of marriage. That's how things worked in his family. His parents had married young and had five children, and then his sisters followed the same path. At some point, family gatherings started to feel like implicit competitions over who could have more babies in a year. There were children everywhere. Dozens of them.
It was to be expected.
He grew up seeing that image repeated over and over: houses filled with children's voices, gatherings with babies in arms, the beautiful chaos of a life surrounded by family. It was an unwritten tradition that simply fulfilled itself. And with Addison, it couldn't be different.
They talked about it early on. They both wanted to be parents. At least one baby. It was part of the plan, as clear as moving in together, finishing residency, building successful careers.
And Derek imagined it with a clarity almost painful: one day, Addison would look at him with those blue-green eyes he had fallen in love with in med school and tell him they were going to be parents. And someday, a baby with those same eyes would look back at him in the delivery room. A future so concrete he could almost touch it.
But over the years, that certainty began to crack. Conversations about their future became less frequent, more tense, until they simply disappeared.
Addison wasn't ready. Not yet. She still wanted to grow in her field, establish herself, advance, learn many things. And he... neither was he. He was too busy running the neurosurgery department in New York. There was no space, no time, no calm to stop everything and try for a baby.
Their house filled with other sounds: arguments, thick silences, doors slammed harder than necessary. The dreams got trapped beneath the routine, and hopes wilted among endless shifts and unfulfilled promises. By the time their marriage began to wobble, Derek had already accepted it: that baby wouldn't come. And though it hurt, he had learned to coexist with that void. Like someone getting used to living without a part of themselves.
And yet, now she was there.
Addison was dragging him by the arm through the parking lot of the practice, and he couldn't formulate a single word.
His mind was blank. Everything was happening too fast, too confusing. He didn't understand how he had gotten there. He felt no joy. He felt no relief. Not even the euphoria he had imagined for years. He only felt the weight of shock, crushing his chest, leaving him breathless. Addison's hand gripped him tightly, as if trying to anchor him to reality, as if she knew he was about to float away amid the chaos.
He looked at her in confusion.
She pushed him into the passenger seat of her car and shut the door firmly. Derek didn't even remember having opened his. Everything seemed to move without him. He could barely register what she was saying. Her voice was like a distant murmur, muted, as if he were listening through a glass wall. She mentioned something about not wanting to argue in front of her colleagues. About finding a more private place. Random words that failed to sink in.
"Was it Amelia?!" finally, Addison's shout jolted him.
"Huh?" he blinked, feeling his throat dry.
"Did Amelia tell you?! Did Amelia bring you here?!"
"Um... yeah. I mean, no... no..."
"What was it, an ambush? A plan to give me a heart attack? What the hell, Derek?!" Addison was speaking quickly, stumbling over the words, her voice filled with hysteria. "How could you just show up like this?! In front of all my colleagues, at my own practice?!"
Derek opened his mouth but didn't know how to respond. His brain still wasn't functioning. His heart was pounding in his ears.
"I... um... didn't know…"
"Stop looking at me like that, damn it!" She let out a choked sob. "I knew you were gonna make that face! I was going to tell you!"
Her voice cracked for a second, but she didn't stop talking. The words rushed out of her mouth like a dam that had just broken.
"I know I waited a long time, but I was gonna tell you! Okay?" She hiccuped through tears, trying to catch her breath. "I had already booked the tickets to Seattle for Saturday!"
"Addison..."
"You can't be mad!" She shouted, her face flushed with frustration and distress. "You have no right to be mad! You were the one who called me a whore, you were the one who left me alone in that moment, you... you...!" Her voice broke as a hiccup shook her. "I didn't even know I could get pregnant! I found out late, I was nine weeks along and was scared of having a miscarriage!" The words kept spilling out uncontrollably, almost drowned by her sobs. "I wanted to make sure everything was okay before telling you, but then I had so many complications, I was throwing up everything I ate, I was falling apart everywhere... and the practice, and Sam, and... and... you can't be mad, I was going to tell you, Derek!"
"Addison, calm down. I'm not mad."
She turned her head sharply to look at him for the first time since they had been sitting there.
"You're not?" her voice was barely a whisper, filled with disbelief.
"No... it's just that... God, I'm trying to process what just happened. It's a lot of information all at once, and it would help if you weren't shouting like that."
"Sorry."
Derek ran a hand over his face, exhaling heavily. He sat in silence for a moment, looking at her flushed face, her trembling lips, her watery eyes. And then, as if magnetized, his gaze fell to her belly. The thin fabric of her pink dress hugged her body, outlining the curve that peeked over her lap.
It was really there; there was really a baby in her womb.
"I... I can't believe it," his voice was barely a whisper as he covered his mouth with his hand. "You're pregnant."
"Yeah..." Addison looked down, dropping a hand over her belly. It wasn't a voluntary movement, but Derek's gaze fixed on that part of her body made her a little uncomfortable.
"And this baby is mine... is... is it my baby?"
He knew that question might sound a bit offensive, but that wasn't his intention.
"Yes..."
"How far along are you? I mean... I know you've been pregnant since February, but... how long is that? How many weeks?"
"Sixteen weeks, three days. Next week we enter the fifth month..." Her gaze shifted to the side as if she couldn't face it, as if it embarrassed her to say out loud how long she had kept it from him.
"Damn, sixteen... It has fingers now."
Addison let out a tearful laugh.
"Not just fingers," she smiled, looking at him again. "She already has nails. And eyes, ears... she can even make facial expressions... Oh, and she loves sucking her thumb."
Derek's expression changed quickly. Something flickered in his eyes. A small, tremulous smile appeared on his lips.
"She? It's a girl?"
Addison nodded. Her lips quivered in a small pout that he found adorable.
"Addie, we're having a girl?" his voice cracked slightly with emotion.
Addison, seeing him tear up, couldn't help but do the same.
"We're having a girl," she repeated, crying.
"Elowen!" he exclaimed, with a huge smile.
But Addison, instead of smiling with him, broke into an even louder cry.
"What? What's wrong? Don't you like it? Did you have another name picked out?"
She shook her head, covering her mouth with her hand.
"It's just that... all these years, I mean..." she sobbed, barely able to form the words. "I can't believe you still remember the name we chose for our daughter in med school."
"How could I forget Ellie? We talked about her for years."
It was true.
One day, when they were in Connecticut, at Addison's childhood home, Derek had found an old fairy tale book in the library of her room. The cover was worn from the years, and the pages were filled with notes and childish drawings that she had made herself.
Addison had told him that her grandfather Joseph had given her that book a few months before he passed away, and it had been her favorite since she was a child. Its protagonist, a guardian fairy living in a magical elm, was named Elowen. With a nostalgic smile, she had said that if she ever had a daughter, she would name her that.
Derek clearly remembered how magical and special the name had seemed to him, perfect for the daughter they imagined together. Since then, Elowen had been their imaginary girl.
And now... she was no longer imaginary.
"Elowen..." Addison smiled as she said her daughter's name aloud for the first time after so many years, "I guess it couldn't be any other way."
"Do you... do you have any pictures of her?" Derek asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Oh, yeah... the advantage of having an OB mother is that she gets ultrasounds every week," she laughed, "they're at... they're at my house. I have some in my office but... most are at my house. Do you want to continue the conversation there...?"
"Oh... whatever you want."
Addison nodded. She fastened her seatbelt and started the vehicle. It was already dark by the time they left the parking lot, and her stomach was already asking for something to eat.
"Do you wanna pick up some takeout?" he offered, as if he had read her mind.
"Oh, yes. I was gonna tell you I was craving some Chinese food."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Is it a craving?"
"Absolutely."
~•~
Derek never imagined that Addison would live by the sea. Literally.
As he got out of the car with bags of takeout in his hands, he paused at the doorstep while she turned on the warm lights at the entrance.
It felt strange to be there...
Not only because he was in his ex-wife's house, but because... that house didn't look like her. At least, not like the Addison he had married.
The Addison he remembered lived in an elegant brownstone on the Upper East Side, one of those classic red-brick homes with stone steps and solid wood doors, with original hardware that had been in place for over a century. Their home was a statement of sophistication and tradition. Perfectly polished dark wood floors, intricate moldings on high ceilings, a neutral color palette that ranged from blacks, creamy whites, to soft grays.
The furniture had clean lines, designer pieces she had carefully chosen one by one. A gray velvet sofa in the living room, a marble dining table, leather upholstered chairs, bookshelves filled with leather-bound books, and discreet but expensive décor. There was nothing haphazard. There was no chaos. Everything in her apartment had a purpose, an assigned place, a calculated harmony.
But this... this was something else.
White was the dominant color here. The distressed wooden tables, linen-upholstered chairs, wicker furniture, and hanging lanterns gave it a rustic, almost bohemian vibe. On the sofa, vibrant green and blue cushions looked like they had come straight from a postcard of a beach house.
Ceramic lamps with coral motifs cast soft shadows on the walls, and throughout the house, there were seashells and sea snails, some carefully arranged on shelves, others piled on the kitchen counter, or hung as decorations. Or in pictures. There were pictures of the ocean or nature hanging on every wall. And candles... there were hundreds of scented candles, in all shapes, sizes, and colors scattered everywhere.
Derek scanned the place, trying to match this image with the woman in front of him. Addison placed the keys in a blue ceramic bowl and took off her heels with a sigh. She seemed completely at home in this space. She didn't fit with the Addison he knew—the one who was genetically programmed to love New York and reject everything else—but clearly, she fit with the Addison she was now.
On the main sofa in the living room, a curled-up orange cat stretched and stared at him. For some reason, that little detail convinced him that this Addison was different.
She noticed him.
"What?" she asked, setting the takeout bags on the counter.
Derek shook his head, still processing it all.
"Nothing. Just... I didn't expect this."
Addison raised an eyebrow.
"This?"
He gestured vaguely with his hand, encompassing everything: the house, the décor, the cat, the relaxed vibe he had never associated with her.
"All this. It's... new."
Derek looked her in the eyes and felt his stomach churn.
Addison had changed.
She had built something new, something that belonged only to her...
Something where he no longer had a place.
"Um... he's Milo," she murmured, trying to lighten the mood. "He was a... gift from a patient."
"Oh... hi, buddy..." he approached with a smile to pet the feline, but before he could even touch him, Milo scowled, or at least it seemed that way, and let out a hiss so fierce that Derek nearly stumbled back. "Whoa!"
"Oh no, Milo..." Addison covered her mouth, suppressing a laugh. "I think that's the first time he's done that."
"Did you talk so badly about me that your cat hates me too?"
Addison couldn't help but laugh while Milo stood up with complete dignity and walked toward her, brazenly brushing against her leg before climbing onto the counter, away from Derek.
"He's a good boy..."
"Yeah, sure. A real charmer," he said ironically, shooting a glance at the cat, who was watching him from above, making it clear that he was an intruder in his house.
"Do you want wine?" Addison asked, pulling two glasses from the kitchen cabinet. "I'm not drinking," she clarified quickly before he could respond, "but if you want..."
Derek, who had already opened his mouth to respond, paused for a second and then smiled softly.
"I think I'll join you in whatever you're drinking."
"Thanks for the consideration," she exclaimed sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.
"As long as you don't give me green juice..." he joked.
"Oh, I can't stand green juice anymore," she rolled her eyes as she walked toward the refrigerator. She pulled out a pitcher of fresh lemonade and began pouring it into the glasses. "And it's your fault."
"My fault?"
"Your daughter hates it when I drink green juice," she stated seriously, handing him a glass filled with ice. "Your stupid genes interfere with my digestive system."
"I'm sorry about that..." he murmured with a smile that faded as soon as he noticed Addison avoiding his gaze.
She didn't respond. She simply picked up the takeout bags and headed to the sofa, giving a slight nod for him to follow.
She casually arranged the cushions and sat at one end, her legs crossed. She opened her chow mein container and stirred the noodles with her chopsticks unhurriedly. Derek sat at the other end, keeping some distance, although his attention remained fixed on her.
They began eating in silence. The only sounds were the faint rustle of the cardboard boxes, the clink of chopsticks, and the tinkling of ice in their glasses. There was no background music, no television, not even the sound of the ocean, even though it was just outside.
"How did you find out?" she finally asked, her mouth full. "Did Amelia tell you?"
"Technically, she didn't say anything."
"Then what? Why are you in Los Angeles? How did you end up at my practice…?"
"I operated on Erica Warner this morning. I came for her surgery."
Addison looked up, surprised.
"Oh… you were the other surgeon Amelia was going to operate with…"
"Yeah."
"What a bitch. I'm gonna kill her."
Derek let out a short laugh.
"The surgery went well. We removed the tumor completely. She's gonna be fine. Cooper and Charlotte were very grateful."
"That's good to know… Mason's a good kid…"
She looked down at her food again. This time she took a big bite, chewing silently. Derek also returned to his meal, though with less appetite.
Silence fell again, but it wasn't comfortable. It was like something thick hung in the air between them, something neither of them knew how to cut through.
Derek turned slightly toward her, hesitated for a moment, but then gathered the courage to ask, "Was it… was it hard?"
Addison froze mid-movement with her chopsticks. She didn't look at him.
"What was?" she asked, trying to sound casual, chewing more slowly.
"The first few months. You said you had complications… What kind of complications?"
She set the chopsticks down on the box, sighed, and rubbed her forehead with her free hand.
"A lot happened," she answered with a humorless laugh. Her voice trembled at the last word. She dropped her gaze and began stirring the noodles without really eating, as if searching for something among them would keep her from having to look at him.
"Addie…"
She blinked several times, trying to keep the moisture in her eyes at bay.
"The baby is fine," she said quickly, with a voice steadier than she felt. "All her parameters are normal. Despite everything, she was always fine."
Derek nodded slowly but didn't look away. The knot in his stomach tightened a bit more. She had gone through all of that alone. And now that he was there, he felt like maybe he didn't have the right to ask—but still, he couldn't help wanting to know more.
"And what about you?"
Addison swallowed hard, still fidgeting with the chopsticks.
"I don't wanna lie to you… It was… it was hard, Derek…" Her voice was barely a whisper. "The pregnancy hit me like a bucket of ice water, it was so… so unexpected, so shocking… I was in the bathroom at St. Ambrose, holding a positive test in my hands…"
Derek tilted his head slightly, paying close attention to every word.
"I found out late," she continued, with a hollow laugh, more bitter than anything else. "I was nine weeks along. I confirmed it with an ultrasound I did myself that night. Nine weeks, Derek… Nine weeks earlier, I'd been mourning my mother, and suddenly I was pregnant with your baby. Not Sam's, my boyfriend at the time—the one I was trying to fix things with. I was pregnant with yours. After everything that had happened… I was pregnant."
Her lower lip trembled, but she forced herself to keep it together.
"From that point on, it was like a storm inside me. Vomiting, nausea, unbearable dizziness… I felt like my body was at war with me, constantly reminding me, every damn second, of the mistake I had made. I was so tired, so exhausted… there were days when getting out of bed seemed impossible, keeping my eyes open in the OR, keeping my composure… it was impossible. All my body wanted was to sleep. Nothing else. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to move, I didn't want anything but to close my eyes and disappear for a few hours from my reality."
Derek looked away for a moment, exhaling slowly, as if hearing her physically hurt him.
"After that, Sam… Sam and I broke up as soon as I told him about the pregnancy… I guess it was to be expected. Same with Naomi… I fought with her too. I lost them both. And as if that wasn't enough, at the practice… a colleague was sued by a patient and lost her medical license. The medical board was all over us. They investigated me, interrogated me, that day I almost threw up in front of the medical investigator…"
Addison pressed her lips together tightly, feeling the pressure in her throat rise.
"And one day I collapsed. I guess my body just couldn't take it anymore and… I passed out. I woke up in a clinic bed, with an IV in my arm."
Derek closed his eyes for a second, clenching his jaw.
"You were hospitalized?" he asked. "That time when Amelia called me… was it because of that?"
Addison nodded.
"Yeah. Amelia shouldn't have done that, but… yes."
Derek pushed his takeout box aside and rubbed a hand over his face, frustrated.
"I don't know how to explain it, but… I knew."
Addison frowned, confused.
"You knew?"
"That day, when Amelia called and then hung up—I knew something bad had happened to you. It was like… this strange feeling I had all day… it was… damn it, I just knew."
She lowered her gaze, unable to hold his eyes.
"Were you in the hospital for long? What was the diagnosis?"
"Dehydration. It was only two days… Turns out vomiting everything I ate wasn't as normal as I thought and… hey, hyperemesis gravidarum."
"Oh, Addie…"
She gave a humorless smile.
"My OB gave me an intensive treatment and it's under control. I've barely thrown up since I started this medication, I've even gained weight. It's just that… the exhaustion, the sleepiness, the stress… that doesn't go away with a simple pill. I think… I've never been this tired in my entire life."
Derek took a slow breath as if trying to process it all, but his expression said it all.
"You should've told me, Addie…"
"I know. I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner, but… I couldn't. I told you I had a lot going on and—"
"That's exactly why you should've told me, so I could help you," he said, his tone more serious now.
Addison let out a dry laugh, shaking her head.
"And what were you gonna do, Derek?" she asked with a broken smile, just as the tears finally began sliding down her cheeks. "Were you going to help me get Sam back? Reconcile with Naomi? Stop my colleague from getting sued?"
Derek stayed silent. Addison wiped a tear with the back of her hand, but another took its place instantly.
"No, but… I could've been there when you were in the hospital. I could've stayed with you when—"
"When I was tearing my throat apart throwing up?" she cut in, her voice heavy with irony. "When I woke up every morning feeling like I'd been run over by a steamroller? When even the taste of water made me gag? When I looked in the mirror and saw a raccoon because of the circles under my eyes? No, thanks. I didn't want you anywhere near me then."
Derek looked down, his jaw still clenched tight.
"I would've liked to be there when you felt like shit…"
Addison scoffed in disbelief and slammed her takeout box onto the coffee table.
"I felt like shit because of you."
The weight of those words knocked the air out of him. Derek looked away, exhaling slowly, the guilt sinking deep into his chest.
"You showed up at my mother's funeral uninvited, stayed in my house, slipping in between us like you were still part of my family. You made me believe you came to support me, but all you did was push me into betraying my partner. And then you had the nerve to be angry at me for it. You yelled at me, humiliated me, made me feel like absolute garbage!"
"Addie…"
"And as if that wasn't enough, you got me pregnant so I wouldn't be able to forget you all this time," she went on, not letting him speak. "Because I haven't. I've thought about you every damn day. And I'm not just talking about the physical symptoms… Every time I try to cut you out of my life, somehow you show up and tear everything down again. You always leave me wrecked."
"I'm so sorry, Addie," Derek said, taking a deep breath and looking at her with sincerity. "I'm sorry for what happened in Connecticut. For the way I treated you. For the things I said that day. I had no right… to any of it."
Addison shrugged halfheartedly, avoiding his gaze. She wiped her nose with her hand and let out a sigh, as if trying to convince herself that none of it mattered anymore.
"Whatever… it's over."
But her body betrayed her. Her voice tried to sound indifferent, but her fingers trembled slightly over her belly. Her breathing was still uneven.
Derek swallowed hard, choosing his words carefully.
"I know you think it was just another night for me, but… it wasn't."
His eyes searched for hers, hoping she'd meet his gaze. Addison blinked, but didn't look up.
"That night…" Derek paused, rubbing the back of his neck. Finding the right words was hard when he wasn't even sure how to explain what he felt. "I've been thinking about it all these months. About what it meant. About what happened between us. And now… with a baby in the middle, I can say for sure that… it wasn't just another night."
He let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head, like the words he truly wanted to say were stuck in his throat.
"God, Addie… I'm so sorry."
She gave a slight nod but didn't trust her voice to answer.
After a few moments of silence, Derek dared to ask, "Can we start over?"
Addison blinked, trying to focus on him through her tears.
"What do you mean?" she whispered, her voice fragile, shaky.
"Can we… forget what happened in Connecticut?"
She let out a short laugh and lowered her gaze to her belly.
"I don't think I can forget I've got a baby inside me," she said, resting both hands on her bump. "You know… these things start kicking at night."
Derek smiled, feeling a tenderness he hadn't known before. It still felt surreal to see her like this. Pregnant.
His gaze moved over her face, lingering on her tear-reddened eyes and the fresh tracks of tears on her skin. He swallowed again and spoke softly, as if afraid to break the moment.
"Can I hug you?"
She blinked, surprised. She hadn't expected the question, hadn't expected him to ask. And yet, she nodded.
Derek didn't hesitate. He stood from the sofa and crossed the short distance between them before wrapping his arms around her. Addison didn't think—she clung to him immediately. She sank into his embrace like she'd been waiting for that shelter for months.
And then she broke.
Violent sobs tore from her throat before she could stop them. She rested her head on his shoulder and let all the pain, fear, loneliness, and exhaustion of the past months crash over her without mercy.
Derek held her tighter, enveloping her completely in his warmth. His hands moved gently over her back, trying to soothe her, but he was trembling too.
"Addie…" he whispered, his voice cracking. He closed his eyes tightly, resting his chin on her hair. "We're gonna be parents…"
"I know…" she whispered, clutching his shirt in the middle of her crying.
Derek didn't let go. He held her against his chest, letting her get it all out. He felt the dampness of her tears soaking through the fabric of his blue shirt, but he didn't care. None of that mattered in that moment.
Little by little, the sobs began to fade, and Addison pulled back slightly—just enough to lift a trembling hand and wipe her tears with the palm of it.
When she looked at him, her eyes were still glassy, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips.
"Look what you made me do…" she murmured with a soft laugh.
Derek let out a small chuckle.
"You're right, this is totally my fault."
Addison laughed a little louder this time, shaking her head, and he took the chance to wipe away a stray tear with his thumb.
The air between them had shifted. There was still a lot left unsaid, still open wounds and heavy things lingering in the background… but at that moment, none of it mattered. They were happy about their baby, about the little family they had made—and that was all that mattered.
Derek settled into the sofa and, without letting go of her, pulled her closer against his chest. Addison didn't resist; on the contrary, she let herself be wrapped in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder while the rest of her body curled up on the sofa. Outside, the ocean breeze drifted in gently through the slightly open patio door, bringing with it the crisp scent of the sea. Even though it was summer, being so close to the water made the evenings cooler, and the contrast between the cool air and Derek's warm body made her snuggle closer.
They didn't speak again. They just stayed like that, wrapped up in each other in the quiet of the living room. Derek ran a hand gently along her back, drawing light circles, until he felt the shift in her breathing. Slower. Deeper. Her body had grown heavier…
She had fallen asleep.
He looked down and saw her curled against him, her chest rising and falling in a peaceful rhythm. Carefully, he stretched his arm just enough to switch off the lamp on the side table. Then he tilted his head and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, closing his eyes for a moment.
And then, without letting her go, he allowed himself to drift off too.
~•~
The morning light began to filter through the patio windows, slowly illuminating the entire space. Derek opened his eyes slowly and began to blink a couple of times, disoriented. For a moment, his brain took time to recognize where he was.
The sofa beneath him was plush but not enough to prevent his body from feeling stiff and cramped. He tried to move slightly, but a warm weight on his side made him stop.
Addison.
She was still asleep, deeply asleep, with her head resting against his chest. Her breathing was slow and calm, and her tousled reddish hair fell over her face and shoulder. Derek looked down and felt a small shiver as he noticed how, even in her dreams, she kept one hand resting on her belly. Instinctively. Protecting it.
He let out a silent sigh and averted his gaze, taking advantage of the daylight to better see the house. Now he could notice more details that he hadn't seen the night before.
Right in front of him, a large built-in bookshelf extended on both sides of the white stone fireplace. It was filled with books, some stacked vertically, others lying down, and some in wicker organizers. But all perfectly arranged. On the top shelf, next to a couple of crystal candle holders and a decorative black sculpture, he recognized some medical books that looked familiar. He leaned in a bit, squinting, and... yes, they were his. Or had been. Medical school books, surgical manuals, texts they had once shared.
Addison had taken them when she left. Of course. After all, he had told her to keep everything. And she had... even though she had always hated neuroanatomy.
There were also picture frames scattered among the shelves and decorations, and his chest tightened as he recognized the images within them. Addison and Savvy in costumes in Brooklyn, celebrating Savvy's 30th birthday; Addison in a gray hoodie and tight jeans, sitting cross-legged on the dock in the Hamptons; Addison and baby Maya on her baptism day; Addison in front of the Eiffel Tower on their fifth wedding anniversary trip; Addison in her cap and gown on her medical school graduation day; Addison as a resident, with straight bangs above her eyebrows and her salmon pink scrubs, holding baby Lisa, the first baby she had brought into the world.
He had been present for all those moments. In fact, many of those photos he had taken himself with his analog camera and had placed them on the hallway shelf in his Manhattan apartment. But now they were there... framed in a space that wasn't his. A different home, far from where they had been taken.
Derek sighed and ran a hand over his face. A soft sound distracted him. He looked down and found two green eyes staring intently at him from the glass coffee table in front of him. Milo, the tabby cat, was sitting there, watching him with the intensity of someone who knows the enemy is near.
"Oh, great..." Derek muttered, exhaling in resignation.
The cat tilted its head, sizing him up with distrust, then let out a prolonged huff, clearly annoyed by his presence. Derek frowned.
"Shhh, don't even think about it, furball. Go away," he warned in a whisper.
But Milo didn't seem impressed. He arched his back and hissed again, causing Derek to jump slightly. And that inevitably made Addison stir in her sleep.
She frowned, murmured something unintelligible, and settled against him before slowly opening her eyes.
"Mmm?" she blinked lazily, confused, "What… what happened?"
Derek nodded toward Milo.
"Your cat hates me."
Addison yawned and stretched a little before managing a sleepy smile.
"Milo doesn't hate anyone."
Derek looked at her skeptically.
"No? He looks at me like he's deciding where to bury my corpse."
She let out a stifled laugh, but the sound died in her throat as soon as her brain processed where she was. And worse still, how she was.
Her body tensed immediately. With a start, she abruptly pulled away from him, awkwardly sliding to the side of the couch as if the contact burned her.
"Oh God..." her voice sounded husky from sleep, "damn it. Sorry."
She rubbed her face, trying to wake herself up. It felt warm, swollen, with the marks of his shirt imprinted on her skin. And then the full realization hit her suddenly: her pink dress was wrinkled, her hair a mess, her makeup was surely smudged, and her eyes were still puffy from crying the night before.
Fantastic. Just the image she wanted to project in front of her ex-husband.
Derek watched her in silence, not moving, not trying to stop her. He simply observed her. And she hated him a little for that. She hated how his blue eyes scanned her, calm, patient, as if he could read every emotion on her face.
"It's fine," he finally said.
Addison wet her lips and looked away, uncomfortable.
"I didn't realize when I fell asleep… I… should've gone up to my room," she murmured.
"But you didn't."
There was no reproach in his tone, just a simple statement of fact.
Addison shook her head and, in an automatic gesture, adjusted the neckline of her dress that had slipped out of place. Derek noticed. And he didn't even bother to hide it.
His eyes dropped directly, unabashedly, watching the movement. It lasted barely a second, but it was evident enough for her to notice.
"Pregnancy," she blurted out, not even thinking.
Derek looked back into her eyes. He didn't argue. He didn't make any comment. He just nodded slowly.
Addison felt heat rise to her neck and cleared her throat, as if she could dissipate the tension that had suddenly settled between them.
"I need… I need a minute," she said, standing up hurriedly.
Milo, still on the coffee table, turned his head to follow her movement. Derek watched her as well as she crossed the room, heading for the stairs.
"Addison."
She stopped, her fingers already on the railing.
"What?"
He looked at her for a moment, as if deciding whether it was worth saying what he was thinking.
"Don't go, you look beautiful."
In the end, he just shook his head.
"Nothing."
Addison waited a few seconds, as if expecting him to change his mind. Then she gave a slight nod and ascended the stairs.
When she disappeared upstairs, Derek exhaled and ran a hand through his hair, further tousling it.
Milo, still regarding him with his feline judgmental expression, huffed once more.
"Okay, okay. You win. She's all yours."
Derek exhaled through his nose and leaned to the side to retrieve his phone, which was still trapped in the back pocket of his jeans. He unlocked the screen to check the time and...
07:03 a.m.
There was only one new message in his inbox, and it was from Mark.
"Whr da hell r u??"
Derek allowed a faint smile to form. He was not going to respond. He had not told anyone about his swift trip to Los Angeles. The only one who knew he had left the city was Owen, and that was simply because he had to explain when asking for those days off.
He put the phone away and rose from the sofa, stretching his legs slowly. His body felt numb, his vertebrae crackled in protest, but he did not regret having slept there. He made his way towards the entrance to find the bathroom.
He walked beneath the stairs, where there was a low-light wood console decorated with a ceramic lamp, a small vase with dried flowers, and several picture frames. His steps faltered as he stopped to examine them closely.
Those photos were vibrant with life. Addison laughing with Amelia at what appeared to be a bar near the coast. Addison wet, emerging from the sea with a sarong tied at her hip and a carefree smile. Addison with her coworkers, posing in the waiting area of the practice. Addison on the same sofa where they had slept, holding a blonde baby whose identity he could not ascertain.
All were photos taken in Los Angeles... all were photos of her new life... without him.
He continued to walk until he found a white door ajar just behind the kitchen. It was the guest bathroom. He entered, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it for a moment. The space was small but tidy, with a faint vanilla scent and a hanging plant in a ceramic pot above the mirror shelf.
He relieved himself, then approached the sink and turned on the faucet. He splashed water on his face and remained there, bent over, taking deep breaths with his eyes closed. He was tired.
Beyond the accumulated sleepiness, beyond the body battered by the journey, the stress from Erica's surgery, and the sleepless nights, he felt emotional exhaustion. In those last days, too many events had transpired that he had yet to fully process. The argument with Meredith, the potential separation, Addison's pregnancy... Addison's new life. His new life, now being a father... it was too much.
He straightened up and looked at himself in the mirror. Dark circles under his eyes, a tense jaw, slightly disheveled hair. He closed his eyes again and dried himself with the towel hanging beside the sink.
Then he heard her voice from outside.
"Derek?"
He opened the door, and there was Addison, dressed in a new, smooth cotton dress, in a soft lavender hue that perfectly accentuated her belly. Her hair was gathered in a loose bun, and there was no trace of the makeup from the previous night. She appeared calm, more composed. She held a folder in her hands.
"I apologize for the delay..." she murmured with an almost shy gesture. "I wanted you to have this..."
She extended the folder towards him.
"What is it?" he inquired as he emerged from the bathroom and walked behind her.
"The first images of Elowen."
Derek smiled upon hearing the name of the baby on her lips and took it gently. He opened the cover and began to view the ultrasound images. As was to be expected, Addison had organized them by date. From the earliest to the most recent, the first being a small bean at nine weeks, with barely visible limbs, and as he progressed, he saw how those limbs elongated, how her body began to take on more shape, and how she increasingly resembled a baby.
"She's beautiful..." was all he could manage to say.
"I wanted you to have some..." Addison spoke in a low voice, as if apologizing for something. She rested her hands on her belly while watching it. "I know it is a bit... cold, I don't know. But I thought it was fair."
Derek carefully ran his fingers over one of the pictures.
"It's not cold," he said without looking up. "It's... a lot. Thank you... I'll take them with me to Seattle."
She nodded silently. After a few seconds, she walked to the kitchen, opened a cabinet, and started making coffee. Not because she was tired, or because she wanted to drink it. Rather, it was because she didn't know what else to do with her hands.
Derek sat in one of the white chairs next to the counter, holding the open folder on the round table. He couldn't stop staring at that baby in the pictures.
His daughter. His little and perfect daughter.
Addison finished filling the coffee maker and turned it on, silently. She moved naturally, as if that kind of morning was something ordinary between them. But it wasn't. It hadn't been for a long, long time.
She took out two green mugs, placed one on the table in front of Derek, and went to the refrigerator. She took out a container of cut fruit, some yogurt, and bread that she put in the toaster. Everything was quick, almost automatic. She placed everything on the table and sat down across from him. She poured the coffee without asking, without looking at him yet. He took the cup, nodded slightly in thanks, and took a sip.
A few seconds passed, and only the soft popping of the toaster and the dripping of the coffee maker could be heard. Then, without looking up from the bread she was spreading with jam, Addison asked what neither of them had dared to say.
"Derek... what are we gonna do now?"
He didn't answer right away. He lowered the mug and set it gently on the table. Finally, he looked up and found her watching him. Her eyes were steady, not with tears this time, but there was a latent fragility that he knew well.
"I don't know," he replied straightforwardly. "I haven't thought about it yet..."
Addison nodded, as if that was exactly the answer she was expecting. Not the one she wanted, but the honest one.
Of course, he hadn't thought about it... This was all new to him. But for her... it wasn't. She had been sleeping with that question for months, waking up with it, making decisions with that question lodged in her mind.
She was going to respond to something, but he was the one who spoke first.
"I'm building a house in Seattle," he said suddenly, his gaze lost on the folder. "On the land where the trailer used to be. It's gonna be a big house... she will have her own room, a playroom, a swing in the garden..."
Addison closed her eyes and let out a slow sigh, one hand resting on her belly.
"Derek, I'm not going back to Seattle."
He frowned, but didn't seem surprised.
"It would be very different from the last time..."
"No," she replied firmly. "I can't. I have responsibilities here. I have a practice that depends on me, I have patients, I have people to take care of. I have a family here. I'm not moving, I'm sorry. We'll have to establish a visitation schedule. When she's older, she can spend weekends with you or..."
Derek shook his head before she finished her sentence.
"I can take her to Seattle on weekends, and she can be with you during vacations, we can alternate holidays and..."
"No," his response was immediate, cutting. "I don't wanna see her that little. I'd miss more than half of her childhood."
"Derek, don't complicate things."
"I'll move to Los Angeles," he announced, without hesitation.
Addison looked at him incredulously. Her hand remained on her belly as she processed what she had just heard.
"Okay... listen. It's early, you're exhausted, it's been an... intense day. You're filled with emotions, it's not the time to make such..."
"I'm serious, Addison," he replied, staring at her intensely. "I don't wanna miss the first moments of my daughter's life. If you won't move, then I will. I guess that's fair after all..."
She frowned.
"Fair?"
Derek held her gaze and nodded.
"You know... I made you leave your life in New York to follow me to Seattle. Now I'll do the same for Elowen."
Addison narrowed her eyes, analyzing him, unsure if he meant it seriously or if it was just a passing impulse. He brought the coffee mug back to his lips.
"Derek... we're not going to live together just because we're having a baby. This isn't like it was in Seattle; we're not a married couple..."
He let out a brief, humorless laugh.
"I know, Addison. I'm not stupid. I'm not saying I'll live with you... I'll live in the same city as my daughter."
"Derek..."
"I'll take care of her at night, change her diapers, be there when she says her first words, when she takes her first steps..." he sighed. "Addie, she's my first daughter. I don't wanna miss all those things that babies do. I don't wanna be a weekend dad. I want to be present, and I want to support you from now on."
Addison pressed her lips together, not convinced by what he was proposing. She didn't know whether to admire his determination or get frustrated by his stubbornness.
"What about your job?" she finally asked.
Derek set down the mug, as if he had been waiting for that question.
"Charlotte King offered me a position as head of neuro at St. Ambrose."
Addison looked at him in genuine surprise.
"Did she really do that?"
Derek nodded with a half-smile.
"I could even work at the practice with you. What do you say? Don't you need another neurosurgeon?"
"No..."
"Addie, first thing tomorrow, I'm going to Hunt's office to resign."
"Derek, stop. Can you hold on for a second?"
"No. This is what's going to happen. In a bit, I'll head to St. Ambrose to check on Erica's progress. Then I'll talk to Charlotte and accept the job. My flight to Seattle leaves at six in the evening. Tomorrow I'll formally announce my resignation at Seattle Grace Mercy West. I'll serve my two-week notice, and by the end of the month, I'll move to L.A. I need you to help me find a place to live. It should be close to the hospital, and close to you, obviously. I'll come next weekend to see you and check out housing options. What do you say? Can we make this work?"
Addison blinked, not knowing how to respond.
He spoke with such confidence, with such conviction, as if nothing could sway him from his decision. And she, on the other hand, still felt trapped in uncertainty. Because, for the first time in a long time, Derek seemed completely sure of what he wanted.
And that terrified her.