It was a stormy night, and gay sexual tension was in the air. They were at the quiditch match, and the fights were getting pretty close, literally. You know that thing men do when they fight and get in each other's faces? That's what they were doing, very gay and sexually tense. Anyway, those gays are crazy and I'm homophobic, all those disgusting oiled up men what a disgusting thought I can't stop thinking about hwo gross that is. Anyways, I'm Steven and you're probably wondering how I got into this situation. I am a Ravenclaw, and I have come to despise my house.

My full name is Steven Short Perkins, and this is my third year at Hogwarts. At a glance, Hogwarts is stunning. The stoney and medieval architecture made the castle starkly different from the technology driven muggle society. My personal favorite was the main bridge, which was my go-to study area. It was my place of solace, away from the vexatious rumours and mind-numbing ideas held by the other students. As day fell, I adored the illuminating light the lanterns gave at dusk as I looked upon the sparkling water reflecting the orange light. I hope that someday, I can escape this dreadful place and explore what else this world of magic has to offer.

To my dread, I was snapped out of this trance as I heard a bastardization of my name. "Steven Short Pecker! Snap out of it, we're playing a game here". That sweet voice was my "bully" Robert Long Schlog.i frowned, looking at the twink boy. I've never once won against him in our duels, if we were in a muggle school I would've punched that face. Ugh, that god-awful smirk he always has just pisses me off. And his dreamy eyes I can't look away from… He's so awful!1!1!1

He's always saying weird stuff too… I never really understood what he meant. he always seemed to say things like "Chat is this real?" and "Poggers" and perhaps those incantations were the reasons he always dominated me — in our duels.

"Heyyy Stevie sweetie~" he said with an alluring smile on his face, "are you perhaps too enchanted in my beauty? Oh, my dear, I can't wait to–" he paused, and whispered loudly "chat this isn't gonna get me banned right?"

That "Stevie" stirred something within me, but I frowned and said sternly, "What is this 'chat' you always talk about?"

"Oh don't be so serious darling, you're making me blush," he said with a naughty grin.

I feel my face get hot—with pure rage, obviously.

He chuckled, his eyes lit up as he pointed toward the center of the pitch, "Hey look!" he yelled with excitement, "AP is gonna get the snitch!" And he was right. Potter was right behind the golden snitch and was fast approaching.

I don't like the way he called Potter, or how he called people in general. He always called people only by their first names and gave nicknames to people he clearly never met. I never understood why he would call Dean Finnigan "Megumin." It seemed like the whole world was just a joke to him, and I was as well. Atleast, I thought so. People have always told me he treats me… Different I guess. He never flirts with the other boys, and only flirts with girls in a mocking tone occasionally. He must just hate me in particular, no other deeper implications, I hope.

The crowd wailed in disappointment, I could barely hear the announcer's voice through the mumbles and groans of people around me, "Aw dammit, Potter lost the snitch! Pass! From Cromwell to Greengrass and Score! It's now 150 to 60…" his voice was quickly drowned by the noise of the crowd again.

That reminds me of a time when I was much younger and my parents died in a house fire. It was horrible and devastating. Hogwarts became my only "home" after that. Sometimes I still miss them at night. Fly high mom and dad ️. My dead parents remind me of Robert's dead parents. I feel sad for him and when I first CAME here we bonded over our shared orphan status, but it soon went sour when he started bullying me out of no where. He acts like those grade schoolers who have crushes, but I doubt he has a crush on me. Especially because he's popular with the Slytherins (yuck!) *gags*. Speaking of which, I never understood why the Slytherins took a liking to him.

Unfortunately, Robert continued speaking in an eliciting tone, trying to draw a response out of me. Therefore, I averted my eyes and my thoughts from associating with him, as I continued in deep thought on each of the houses. He perfectly highlighted the problems each of the houses had in particular. Of course, all the houses had their unique members, but I greatly prefer to generalize how each of the members acted.

First off, Robert's House: Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuffs were always over-reliant on others and social interaction to please themselves. Once you meet a Hufflepuff, they will always try to associate with you- for better or worse. Robert characterizes this nearly to a tee. He can never seem to get over his grief, and therefore he overindulges on these meaningless social interactions to find some way to numb the pain. That is why I do not desire to associate with him, I want to find something real that helps me through my grief, not abstaining from what makes something real.

Moving on, Gryffindor- my second least favorite house. These ideas were all drawn from my inferences, as I have actively avoided associating with them. Gryffindors overly rely on their bodies and overexaggerated bravery to solve their problems. Originally, they were categorized to be brave, but it eventually developed into said overreliance on anything associated with this think themselves superior to others, above punishment due to their looks, and hide their problems through using their brute strength. In a way, some can be similar to Hufflepuffs' form of coping, as some will seek validation through artificial relationships this strength brings them.

As for Slytherin, despite having been at Hogwarts for three years, I still know very little about them, as I never bothered to get close. I am a half-breed afterall. However, I heard that many are still overly entitled due to their preset statuses, but I know many Slytherins believe in control, some even obsessing over it. More than half of them are dumber than a cabinet, and more prideful than all of Ravenclaw combined. It's truly a disappointment that Azkaban isn't a house in Hogwarts. They would fit in SO well.

Lastly, Ravenclaw. I have nothing horrid to stay about my house- we are the logistical thinkers who attempt to not allow these absurd ideas to get to our heads.

At the right time, the Quidditch match ended. Dusk had fallen and the night was fast approaching. I followed the others back to the castle. Who won? I have no clue… what was I thinking back there? Merlin's beard, why did Robert Shlong leave such a significant mark on my mind? Ugh.

I sighted and walked back slowly. I shouldn't have come here, this is such a mess.

It's cold and wet, and I feel miserable. Looking at Robert, who's running around me with an open cloak and a soaked shirt, I can't help but feel a bit worried… What if he gets a cold?

I snickered. What am I? His daddy?

I dragged myself into my room. I don't have any roommates; most guys in Ravenclaw don't, because men are quite rare here. Because of this, my room is naturally rather small. Besides the fancy bed, I have a bookshelf against the wall. I don't have any valuable books on the shelf, however.

Out of all the magic I know, I'm probably best with one certain type of transfiguration, specifically, turning anything, and I do mean ANYTHING, into sleeping bags… truly, the bronze knocker was an evil creation. The bed can be a luxury sometimes.

Well, there are no morning classes tomorrow.

I beat up PENIS2, and that made it a good night.