"Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?" Joyce Summers asked the young man that until recently she would have numbered as one of Buffy's best friends. The severing of their friendship had to be painful and she wondered if there was anyway to salvage it or if it was too late.
"Sure. Mrs. Summers listen, I uh wanted to apologize."
"Regarding?"
"Sending Buffy to Pylea, it was an accident, I didn't even know there were demons that grant wishes, though this being Sunnydale... nevermind. Look, as mad as I am and that's pretty damn mad, I never intended to cause you any problems. Seeing how upset you were over Buffy being missing reminded me that you're a Mom that actually loves their kid."
"You regret Buffy being sent to Pylea because of how it affected me? Does it matter how it affected her?"
"Well, since the actual wish was that she finally see the truth about her supposed soulmate and she actually did see the truth of him, I can't say that I'm all broke up about how she was affected. And she managed to do some good while she was there, started a rebellion against demons and all."
"And if she'd died?"
"I didn't want her to die, Mrs. Summers, there's been too much death because of her choices, I don't want there to be anyone dying because of mine. I'm glad she didn't die, that doesn't mean I'm not still angry. My parents weren't like you, Mrs. Summers, they never wanted to be parents, let alone good parents, but they didn't deserve what Angelus did to them. And Willow, she's all I've got left of the family we made over the years. Vampires are responsible for that too. Buffy was willing to just let Angelus go, again. To let all that death and pain go unpunished, again. She kept refusing to see the monster that was there all along, her getting sent to Pylea meant she had no choice but to see the monster. But no, I didn't want her to die and wouldn't have been happy if she did."
"I know you're angry and I don't blame you for being angry, Buffy's choices, I don't understand them myself. Well, in a way I can. I was a teenage girl once too and the one time I met Angel, before the Angelus nastiness, I thought he looked like he could have stepped off the cover of a romance novel. So, I understand the initial impact of her meeting him, but from the moment she knew he was a vampire and I still find it hard to believe they're actually real, her choices in regards to him after that, make no sense. But then neither do Mr. Giles', apparently he allowed the relationship because he thought it made her more willing to be the Slayer. As if that's all that matters. But, that isn't what I wanted to talk to you about."
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Buffy's hopeful that you'll eventually forgive her."
"Oh, she is, is she?" The now blank faced Xander asked. "At the moment I don't see any reason to forgive her. If she can think of any, she's welcome to explain why she thinks I should forgive her. But I honestly don't see any reason to forgive her. Maybe if Willow's able to forgive her and asks me to try, I might be willing. But I just don't see why I should forgive her. Do you think she deserves forgiveness for letting Angelus go, more then once? For stopping first Giles and then me from destroying him after he killed and hurt people that mattered to us? She knew damn well he wasn't Angel and she knew he was killing people. He tried to kill someone right in front of her. He made a vampire out of one of our classmates and sent her after Buffy. I stopped her. She stood over Ms. Calendar's grave and apologized to Giles for not being able to stop Angelus for him and one week later, she stopped me from destroying him. How many did he kill in that week besides my parents? Does she know? Does she care? Because she's never stated she gives a damn about any of the victims except Ms. Calendar. Who she also blamed for making the same mistake Buffy and Giles made, not trying to find anything out about the curse."
"I know she's hurting."
"So are all the families and friends of his victims. Victims like Willow and family and friends like me, Oz, Cordy, Willow's parents, who have no idea what hurt their daughter. They're rarely around but they do kinda care."
"What would it take to be able to forgive her, do you think?"
"Well, she could start with actually being sorry. It wouldn't hurt if she actually apologizes. But then she's never apologized for some of the other things she's done, at least not to me."
"What did she do to hurt you before, Xander?"
"Well, you might ask her how she thanked me for reviving her when she drowned last year. She wasn't dealing well, I get that, she died. But her way of thanking me was one of the cruelest things anyone's ever done to me. I forgave her even though she never asked for forgiveness, never said she was sorry. That won't be happening this time. If she wants me to forgive her, she has to actually be sorry and she has to say she's sorry. Until she does any of that, I don't see forgiveness even being remotely possible."