"I don't know." Buffy mumbled.
"That's not an acceptable answer, Buffy." Joyce said sternly. "I think you know very well why you don't respect Xander or his contribution. I want to hear from you your reasons. Put them into words, from my outside perspective you have a guy who risked his life to save yours multiple times, for which I'm grateful. Why aren't you?"
"It's not that I'm not grateful, it's just, it's hard to take Xander seriously." Buffy tried to explain. "He's goofy and he's not very smart and he reminds me of a puppy. He cracks bad jokes and trips over his own feet, how can I take that seriously?"
"His jokes are a shield both against pain and to lighten tense situations, they're deliberately stated most of the time. As for tripping over his own feet, he's literally still growing into his feet and having growth spurts, in time he'll get steadier and be less self conscious. And as for his intelligence, why do you think he's not very smart? I've seen his school books when you guys study together, some of them are the same courses Willow takes. Maybe he doesn't call attention to his intelligence because he knows being a genius matters to Willow and he's content to just do his work and hand it in."
"Maybe, I never really noticed." Buffy admitted. "But his crush made me uncomfortable, he was very obvious about it."
"Did you ever discuss the matter with him? Tell him his crush and how he expressed it made you uncomfortable?"
"No, I didn't do or say anything, I figured he'd notice I wasn't interested."
"Unless you explained your feelings, Buffy, he may have thought you were engaging in playing hard to get. For all you know, since you didn't ask him what he was thinking or tell him what you were thinking. I remember when I bought you that dress for the dance at the end of the year last year, I asked you if anyone asked you to the dance and you said someone and I said, not the right someone. Did Xander ask you to the dance?"
"Yes and he was harsh when I said I don't feel the same way. Besides, Willow was really into him and she told me how much he meant to her and I didn't want to get in her way -."
"When did Willow tell you how she felt about Xander?"
"Well, she was pretty obvious about it herself and I thought he was being an ass for ignoring her, but we had a conversation about it, oh about a half an hour before Xander asked me."
Joyce closed her eyes and sighed, these were the kinds of conversations she was supposed to be having with her daughter, helping guide her though growing up. It was too bad their relationship had been so strained that Buffy hadn't felt she could talk to her back when this was all happening, Joyce could have saved them all a few angsts along the way. "Buffy, what are the odds Willow didn't know Xander was planning to ask you to the dance and that conversation happened when it did so you'd be thinking about her feelings if you said yes to Xander's invitation?"
"You think Willow did it in purpose?"
"I'm surprised you don't because it seems very obvious to me that yes, Willow timed that conversation on purpose."
"Oh, but it's just because she liked him for so long and hoped he'd notice her." Buffy tried to defend her friend.
"Xander is more observant than you realize, Buffy, he'd have to be to use his jokes to deliberately try to improve morale."
Buffy remembered how when Xander had been possessed by the hyena he'd been mean to Willow, calling attention to her crush. The spirit knew what Xander knew, being in his head, right? It would have to, at least it made sense to think that. So Xander knew how Willow felt, but didn't feel the same way himself. A conversation between Willow and Xander might have cleared the air, the way a conversation between her and Xander might have cleared the air. Only no one suggested it for any of them and it hadn't occured to any of them. And than there was when they were dealing with the attempt to resurrect the Master and she'd been staring at his bones, she remembered hearing Xander say 'let her work out her issues' or something like that. Had he understood she needed to vent in order to start recovering from what the Master did to her? Killed her. Maybe he was more observant than she'd realized.
"He was kinda mean when I turned him down." Buffy told her mother.
"What did he say?"
"He said, 'I guess a guy's got to be undead to make time with you' and that he knew he didn't handle rejection very well."
"Yes, he didn't handle it well, but few people do. On the other hand, it seems he was right, the guy you were interested in was a vampire. A dead body with a demon in it, as in undead. Xander could have been even harsher given he hates vampires for what they did to his friend. I could be even harsher given I can't fathom what you were thinking that made you think that getting involved with Angel was in any way a good idea. Buffy, you're aware that Angel was willing to let you die at the hands of the Master rather then help and you still chose him over the guy who was willing to risk his life to help you. None of that makes sense."
"I didn't think about any of that, not until recently, just how great kissing Angel was."
Uhg.