"I already figured out it wasn't Angel being happy that broke the curse." Buffy said bitterly, pushing herself away from the table. "After all, he saw me dead, he saw Xander give me CPR, revive me and that wasn't enough to make him happy and he'd already told me he loved me. So if he loved me, why wasn't seeing me alive again enough to make him happy enough to break the curse, but sex with me apparently was enough? What did he get out of the one that he apparently didn't get out of the other?"

"A very good question." Joyce agreed, also standing and wrapping her arms around her daughter as she cried. "It too late to know what he got out of it and I'm sorry, Buffy, if I'd been the mother I was supposed to be sooner I could have helped you see he was taking advantage of you."

"What do I do about Xander?" Buffy swiped at her tears. "How do I make him forgive me?"

"You don't make him do anything, Buffy, you give him time to recover and maybe - and that's a big maybe - he'll decide to try being friends again. You know, it's ironic."

"What's ironic?"

"That if he'd wanted to Xander could have done what Angel did, made you feel sorry for him."

Buffy frowned. "You mean since his parents are dead? Because he's an orphan now? He blames me for that, he's not trying to make me feel sorry for him."

"No, I meant, he could have used his own life story to make you feel sorry for him, the way Angel used his to make you to feel sorry for him."

"What are you talking about? What life story?"

Joyce examined Buffy's face and saw only confusion and realized, Buffy really didn't know. "Buffy, you told me his parents weren't great people."

"Willow said a couple things that made me think they're like hers are, like you used to be. You know, never home, always something else that's more important. You with parties and Willow's parents with lectures and Xander's parents with whatever they did."

"You really never asked him anything about his life?" Joyce said slowly. "Buffy, when's Willow's birthday?"

"In October."

"When's Xander's birthday?"

"I don't know."

"You've known him for over a year, he had just turned sixteen just before you met him, he's seventeen now."

"Okay, he never mentioned his birthday, Mom."

"And you never asked and I'm thinking Willow must have glossed over a few things. This isn't something I should be discussing with you, if you really want to know something about the boy you claimed was your friend, than ask him, maybe he'll tell you."

"If he ever decides to forgive me, he's really mad, Mom."

"He has reason to be, Buffy, you took advantage of his friendship, you used him. He did everything Angel told you he wanted to do, he helped you. Sure, part of it was because he hates vampires, with good reason, I might add and part of it was because he had a crush on you and part of it was because he wanted to help you and part of it was because meeting you gave him a purpose in life, something he sorely needed. But the point is, he was the one doing all the work, being the actual friend and really helping you, not Angel. Xander gave up on the possibility of gaining your love, but he didn't give up on being your friend, on helping you with being the Slayer. And you chose a vampire to love, the enemy, curse or no curse and when the curse broke, you let the monster you unleashed go. He killed in front of you, he killed people you know and you couldn't bring yourself to stop him or to let someone else stop him and because you couldn't do it, because you stopped others, Willow is in the hospital and his parents are dead. He has good reason to be angry and no reason to forgive you. And you know it, so why is it so important he forgive you? So things can go back the way they were, with you using him and ignoring him and mistreating him when you feel like it?"

"No, of course not, I didn't even really know I was treating him like that -."

"Oh yes you did, Buffy, you're not stupid, you knew exactly how you were treating him and he let you treat him like that. Why, Buffy?"

"Because he was stupid and he was going to get himself killed!"

"If you were worried he or Willow might be hurt why not get Mr. Giles to train them? Why let them patrol with you?"

"Willow's a genius, Mom, she's not stupid and she helped me -."

"She supported you and Angel, so she gets a pass, but Xander doesn't. Why?"

"Because he's just like Pike, so willing to help, hating vampires and he was going to get himself killed!"

"Willow was in more danger then he was and you had to know that, so again. Why?"

"Because he was going to die like Pike did! And it would be all my fault! I wanted him to just go away and stop trying to help so he didn't get his stupid self killed trying to help me!"

"Pike? The boy you ran away with after the fire, he died?"

"And it was my fault!" Buffy howled. "And it's my fault again -!"

Joyce just held her and let her cry and damned herself for not seeing her daughter until her daughter's pain was so great she had to scream to be heard.