"Hey chat," Robert said, lying on his bed, "How dumb do you think our dear Stevie is?"
A large blue textbox floated to the top of his vision, blocking the ceiling light. "9" was all that it said.
"Thanks for the 200 yen dono, femboytomboy_lover083, but nine?" he raised his eyebrows, "like nine out of ten? That's way too high for our lil snake boy!" he smiled and rolled over. He glanced around his dorm. It was almost like a hobbit hole, the ceiling was low and round, and the room was dim and warm. The plants smelled slightly malnourished however, perhaps he should drag the mandrakes out for a sunbath again…
He looked at the invisible camera again, "IQ of 9? That's more like it!" he chuckled lightly. The chuckle faded quickly as he really stopped to think about Steven. He had been so quiet at the match today and Robert was faintly worried, as much as he tried to deny it. He would never check on Steven himself, so he had to do it indirectly. "Hey chat, who should I send to bother Stevie tonight?". He secretly hoped that they would send him, but suddenly someone donated and suggested his friend. HIS friends name was Tam. Tam was a fucking bastard. He had a total of 3 boyfriends and 2 girlfriends. And that was only at this school. He goes to 2 other schools and a timbered third that he owns and has a harem. There's even a chance he is 35 and dating a few teachers on campus. I think most of these are fake other than the fact that he is 35. He's a foot taller than most of us and has a full grown beard. He's been a senior for around 10 years too so his age does make sense. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he did have a relationship. He has a massive bulge around his crotch. It's very noticeable. I'm straight btw.
Wait, who am I? The narrator? Woah! Man, do I love having self-awareness, can I please not? Do I look like Nick Caraway? No? Exactly.
The cold winter night finally passed and a few days had passed. PENIS1 was rotting in the courtyard like usual. PENIS2 was being beaten up by some random kids. I really wanted to join them, however I didn't have the time. Robety had been conspiring with Tam, attempting to find where Steven was, but to no avail. They met in the potion room, and while most other houses would be fearful of the Slytherin- Robert as a Hufflepuff did not care- he only wished to see Steven again.
Walking into the bleak potion room, it carried a putrid stent, and the cauldron carrying it was a dark green. Robert greeted Tam, whoALAKABLAMMED. He transformed from his previous form, and assumed that of a starkly noticable white WOLF HYBRID with a set of dark green dwmon eyes that matched perfectly with the cauldron's color.
But forgive me, I cannot agree, personally, I think wolves should be made with #42 concrete, because the length of this screw, it's very easy to directly affect the torque of the cauldron.
"But if that's so, then we'd need to use Voldemort when consuming expeliarmus, since it's common knowledge that we cannot dig coins with alchemical salts. So unicorns must be fed French racial discrimination, which is unreasonable since they've already made the frogs gay."
Mayhaps he shalt drink a door? Maybe lick the ceilings. Perchance. Soap is bread afterall and he had 21 arms. The butter, however… if butter can be churned from cream, then he would really like to have a butterpie.
He felt a shake on his shoulder and groaned with teary eyes. "Robert!" he heard someone yell. It sounded distant. His head hurt, and his nose was stuffy. "Robert Schlong are you okay?"
Who is that? He thought to himself, and what was that chaos of a dream? He hoped it was Stevens, oh, his sweet Stevie the tsundere. He felt sick. Was it because of the rain? Aw… can't stream today…
"Robert!" his voice was louder now, and through the gaps of his eyelids, he saw Steven standing by his bed. HOLY GUACAMOLE. Was it really Steven just at his bed!? "Hey Stevie~" he tried to sit up, but a firm hand on his shoulder forced him to stay on his bed. "Robert, you need rest," a slight bit of concern leaked into his voice. "The nurse said you got a fever." "Hah! You're not the nurse, why are you here? Unless YOU wanna be my nurse?" Robert winked. Steven groaned and rolled his eyes, but Robert could see the embarrassment in his face as he slightly blushed.
"Tsundere," he said with a light chuckle. He leaned closer to Steven's face, when Steven forced him back down yet again. "I'm not gay Robert–"
"That's what they all say, before I–" he was interrupted by a cough, when he noticed the nurse's assistant with a cup of tea in his hand, his friend Tam from his odd dream, though not at all as he dreamed him. "Tam!" Robert shouted in delight. Tam contrasted Robert greatly in personality and looks, but thetpy got along great anyway. Tam was tall with green eyes and dark course hair, while Robert was shorter with brown eyes and fluffy dirty blonde hair. Tam was pale from staying indoors and Robert was tan from all his sports. Having pretty average features was part of what drew Robert to Steven in the first place, with Steven's red eyes and ginger hair. Robert always was jealous of the fact that although he was speckled with freckles by all his time in the sun, Steven had them naturally despite being a shut-in who spent most of his time outside in the shade or at night. Differences draw people together after all.
Steven backs away from the bed to let Tam give Robert the tea. Robert takes it willingly and takes a few sips before noticing Steven is slowly but surely leaving the room.
"Stevie?"
Steven looks back one last time before making a run for it, leaving the room silent. Dejected, Robert puts his tea on the bedside table and sighs. Tam begins speaking, unaware of the sexual and romantic tension Steven and Robert share. "How you doing mate? Still feel sick? The spell should be done in about an hour, you fell pretty hard," he inquires.
"I'm fine. I think I just need rest. It's nothing personal but could you leave the room?" Robert answers.
"Okay," Tam hesitates, almost asking why he always acts weird around Steven, but he doesn't. He leaves Robert, alone and solemn, to wallow.
"Coward!" he grumbled. "Why can't Stevie just—"
At that, Robert stopped as Nurse Sarah came in. She carried the same dirty blonde hair as Robert, and was nearly white as day as she came in.
"Oh, gr-ee-tings…" the pronunciation on the syllables arose for a moment, as it then seceded as he felt a pain in his throat.
"You guys always push yourselves too far, always jumping from one thing to another," her tone was soothing accompanied by the soft notes similar to that of an endearing mother.
"Teenagers, amirite?" he chuckled dryly.
She rolled her eyes. "Barely children by the looks of it."
"Hey! I told ya I was a big buff man from the future 2020s that got reborn!"
She nodded with a smile, "In the Muggle world, they call this the eighth-grade syndrome." She looked at him with a mix of delight and sympathy. Reaching into her bag, she grabbed a flask of a dark red liquid and handed it to Robert. "Drink this," she said as she patted his head, "you'll feel better after you rest more."
"I shouldn't have gotten you into mangas, plus I by Muggle standards is an 11th grader!" he pouted, and downed the whole flask. His face twisted. "This tastes worse than cilantros…" he felt a sense of exhaustion wash over him, and as he lay back down, he remembered.
"Oh right, Auntie, remember to take my mandrake for a walk…"
She was on her way back to her desk, but turned her head instantly when she heard the mention of "mandrake."
"Again?!" she stared at the fast asleep Robert with wide eyes, she sighed. "Twenty points… from Hufflepuff," she muttered. Shaking her head, she walked back to her desk.
"Robert Long Shlong! I challenge you to a duel!" Steven yelled, his face lit with embarrassment and anger.
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, back when they were 3rd years. Finals had passed not so long ago, and it was hot out on the bridge. Really hot. Down in the lake, the giant squid floated by the shore, occasionally splashing the passing by students with ice cold water.
"Chat you heard that too right?" Robert said softly as he put a finger next to his mouth. He looked at Steven curiously, with a mischievous smile on his face. "A duel!" he said excitedly, "but why, mister Perkins?" he leaned uncomfortably close to Steven
"Because you took my first place in transfiguration!" he said loudly as he backed away from Robert. "I will prove that this is a fluke! I demand a duel of pure transfiguration magic!"
He saw Robert smile again, the smile looked like curiosity, excitement, and… delight? It was a smile more than affirming, it was cheering him on. He had never seen a smile like that before, so positive, so caring, it held a sense of acknowledgement he did not know was possible, a sense that Robert knew him and believed in him more than he could ever do so himself.
"Sure, my dear friend," he said, walking backwards carelessly with open arms, "where do you want it to be? Here? Down in the grass? Or… in my room?" he said, licking his lips alluringly.
What did that mean? Steven looked around the bridge. "Here's fine"
"Aweee," Robert said with much disappointment in his voice, "how sad." he raised his chin to Steven, pointing a finger at him, "one, two, three, four! I declare… a wizard war!" He flashed an innocent, harmless smile, his joyous voice washed over Steven.
Steven held his wand in front of him and bowed. Robert drew out his wand and did the same.
They stood there silently for three seconds, then—
"Avifors!" Robert said with a flick of his wand. A white spark shot out, aiming at the ground to the right of Steven.
He lunged forward, and with a quick swish of his hand a small barrier appeared, bouncing the spell back at Robert. "Reparifarge," he quickly uttered, following the white spark with a dim gray haze. The spark hit the cobblestone without a sound, quickly morphing it into a bird shape, but the haze billowed after, cracking the misshapen cobble into many pieces.
"See chat, he gets it, dueling rule 1, don't let a transfiguration hit behind you!" Robert rapidly shook his wand and multiple barely visible specks of light shot into the broken debris. "My dear, why don't we take this to our dorm?" He chaffed with a cute smile, "you too chat, you wanna see your fav twink steamer with this cutie right?" Dust-gray ropes appeared and sprang toward Steven. He jumped sideways, swiftly waving his wand.
Fluidly he flung out a thin ribbon of silvery blue light, as it touched the ropes they quickly expanded and warped into large and small sleeping bags, covering the ground in a pile of blue ravenclaw emblems.
"What is this 'chat' entity?" Steven said with a frown, glancing around Robert.
Robert stared at the bags with amazement, "The untaught secret of Ravenclaw!" he gasped with as much tease as genuine fascination, ignoring Steven's question.
There had always been rumors that the house of ravenclaw possessed a type of transfiguration spell that can turn anything into sleeping bags, without much reliance on incantation. And it seems that the rumors were true.
"It's really nothing secret," Steven said coldly, "Incendio!"
A bright orange flame surged out of the tip of his wand, engulfing the sleeping bags. It crackled and hissed, pushing waves of heat toward Robert. The vague shape of a fiery raven rose out of the heaps of flames, shedding its light and overwhelming intensity.
Robert leapt back several steps,"Finite!" he snapped. The spell barely hit the flames through squinting aim. The fire dwindled, its form disintegrated and vanished into thin air. "Aguamenti maximos!"
Following the movement of his wand, a torrent of water gushed toward the roaring flames. Steven dashed forward, slashing his wand down and yelled, "Glacifors!"
The gushing tide diverged into a slanted wall of ice, and the icy crystals quickly started spreading to the rest of the water. Seeing no effect, Robert dropped the control over the water, and loose shards of ice began falling onto the ground.
"Terrafluctus" Steven said forcefully, gripping tightly onto his wand as he dodged a few icicles. The ground beneath Robert started shaking, small rocks lifted out of the bridge structure. The spell would've had more effect if not for Hogwarts' protection spells, but even then, he felt parts of the bridge shaking and cracking. There were people yelling over the lake shore.
"Poor bridge, I didn't expect this to happen," Robert said bewilderingly, "where did he even learn that spell?"
Shrugging, he knelt down and stuck the tip of his wand in the quivering ground. "Vinegra Tenticules" he said, trying to suppress a smirk.
The levitating stones dropped down as if an invisible field of force washed past them, disjointing them from the influences of Steven's spell. Steven fell back, shaking from exhaustion, he struggled to even hold onto his wand. As he hit the ground, vines sprouted out from the rubble and steadily climbed toward -
He stayed in the hospital for the next few school days. Instead of studying, he overindulged himself in the "presents" his friends would leave. They all came from a variety of houses, but none of them caught Robert's interest. His fellow Hufflepuffs all brought him bouquets filled with wilting yellow roses, and a nice potted blue lily. He ignored them, as many others dropped off quick letters or gave a preliminary greeting. The other person to give him an item was Tam- who came in on the day before his release.
Despite the gifts being unable to uplift them, he kept them anyway to store in his dorm.