New Life. New Struggles

Late June, 1836

Over the next several days, Elsa adjusted to her new life. Should she call it a new life if it's in her old home? This castle was the place she was born and spent the first three years of her life. This was the place she was supposed to grow up had Fritjof not arranged for her to be taken from this place. By all rights, she should feel comfortable here. Yet…It seems hard for her to grasp that.

Turning back to a home you barely remember, and away from the one you've been accustomed to for the past fifteen years is something that cannot change overnight.

Life here was so…easy. There were so many worries that Elsa had shed. Every day Elsa didn't have to wake up with her guard constantly up. Nor she didn't have to worry about predators that could kill her. Nor did she no longer have to worry about finding her next meal. Nor did she no longer have to worry about injuring herself. Nor did She no longer have to worry about people finding her with ill intentions. Or heaven forbid, Fritjof finally finds her

It was a complete contrast to the life she had lived. A feeling that she was not used to.

Thankfully, there are those in this castle who were more than happy to help Elsa get adjusted in whatever way is best for her. Anna has been a dear like she always is. Posing as a handmaiden gave them the opportunity for Anna to show around the castle, who is who, where is where, and all that. Anna also always took Elsa out into the town whenever the opportunity arose. Kristoff was of course always nearby to help her out as well whenever he could. But that was something Elsa had expected from them by this point.

Her parents, on the other hand, she's still learning things about them. All she had were snippets from Anna from the few occasions she did mention them and the blurry memories she has. Other than that, Elsa knew nothing about her parent's personalities. She did not know how they would react to certain things she did. At the same time, they're still learning how she reacts to certain things as well. The first several times spend back at the castle she saw what kind of people her parents were. More importantly how they treated her compared to Fritjof.

The scars that Fritjof left her, physical and mental, had peaked out. She kept her guard up constantly. Elsa wanted to trust her parents wouldn't hurt her but as Anna told her once, old habits do die hard.

But over the next several days, Elsa started to see that her parents, and everyone close, were willing to be patient with her. Willing to answer any questions she has, no matter how stupid they were. And we're willing to comfort her whenever she is in any type of distress.

Her family wasn't always around to be with her throughout the days. That's when she spent time with those who knew her. The first in mind was Captain Storstrand. The captain seemed like a trustworthy man. Everyone in the castle, her family included, seemed to have only good things to say about him so it was enough for Elsa to give that captain her trust as well. But she was still curious about him. When the time came she got the chance to finally speak to him.

"Your job is to protect my family?" Elsa asked the captain.

"Yes, but not just them. The royal guard must ensure the safety & security of the kingdom. My position allows me to ensure that the members are doing their duty." Storstrand responded.

"Is it hard?"

"It's hard work. Though Arendelle is a peaceful kingdom, we must always strive to be alert to any danger that may come. Everyone's safety, including your family, is always a top priority. That is the the goal of the guard."

"Then…Why didn't they protect me, when I was stolen."

Storstrand was surprised by Elsa's words. The man was quiet, his expression of shock transitioning to that of shame.

"One of our own betrayed us…" Storstrand told her, the tone in his voice riddled with a mix of sadness & anger. "His name was Stonewall. He was a member of the guard. Instead of doing his duty and protecting you, he helps take part in your kidnapping all for some coin."

"How did you catch him?"

"We received an anonymous tip a few months later. We investigated & questioned Stonewall. Took a while until he finally confessed. He tried to get away but your father…apprehended him. Stonewell was then sentenced to life in the dungeons, but he committed suicide only a month in."

"Why would someone join the guard only to do that?"

"There are those who would join only for the glamor. Some would do it to have power over those they deemed lower. But I assure you since that incident we had re-examined all of our protocols and made our rules stricter to ensure no one like Stonewall gets in our ranks ever again. I will be happy to go over them all with you if that'll ease your worries."

"That might be helpful."

Elsa spent the remainder of that day learning all of the protocols Storstrand had every member of the Arendelle Guard go through. It was a very informative, well-detailed plan. By the end of it, Elsa could see why Storstrand was Captain.

When Storstrand wasn't around there was Kai & Gerda. They were always ready to help her with whatever she needed. They were never annoyed with any request she had. They also help get her acquainted with the other servants that lived in the castle as well. There were a lot of faces for her to memorize but the couple was eager to help out. They had even shared several stories from when she was still living in the castle. They both were always happy to have her around.

"I never knew so many people worked in this castle," Elsa told the couple once the introductions to the staff were finished.

"A castle as big as this one requires a lot of people to make sure it is well taken care of," Kai replied to her. "It is my and Gerda's job to ensure that everything is in order."

"How long have you both been doing this?"

"Since when we were around your age I believe," Gerda shared happily.

"That long?!" Elsa exclaimed. "That means you knew my papa since he was my age?"

"Younger than that. Way younger. Back before his majesty King Runeard tragically died," Gerda clarified.

"What was papa like as a kid?"

"Energetic. Very curious. Always getting into trouble." Kai answered with a smile. "I can imagine Princess Anna got those traits for him."

"What about grandfather? What was his relationship with papa like?"

Everything went suddenly silent. The two head servants' expressions were written with uncertainty.

"Is there something wrong?" Elsa broke the silence.

"King Runeard's relationship with his majesty was…complicated," Gerda answered.

"How so?" Elsa inquired.

Kai sucked in a breath. "Runeard was very dedicated to his duty as King of Arendelle. The kingdom's safety and well-being were always a top priority for him which made him a beloved king by many. But such focus on his duties had left little time for his family, your father included. Usually, it was the late Lieutenant Mattias who watched him. But after he, and Runeard were lost in the forest up north that task fell upon me & Gerda."

"So papa didn't get to spend any time with his own family?"

"That's the truth. I believe that King Agdar's strained relationship with his father always motivated him to spend as much free time as he could with Queen Idun, Princess Anna, and you. When you were born, he wanted to be with you every step of the way. Same with Anna as well. He didn't want to put you girls through what he had."

"What about his mother? Didn't he have one?"

"Her name was Rita. She did spend time with your father. Unfortunately, she died when he was only five years old." Gerda disclosed sadly.

"How?" Elsa asked.

"We don't know the full story. At the time, Kai & I were only lowly servants so we didn't work with the royal family closely. The details were very scarce. Runeard claimed that she died from an illness. Though there were rumors that evil spirits took & killed her."

"Evil spirits? Are they real?" Elsa was alarmed by the revelation.

"They are stories of such spirits but they're very old. We doubt that claim is true." Gerda's assurance seemed to calm Elsa.

"But after Rita's passing, Runeard tried to rid every memory of her. Paintings of her, possessions she once owned, and anything related to her were hidden away. He even made it illegal to mention her name, punishable with banishment," Kai explained further.

"That's a bit…much." Elsa was shocked by that revelation.

"We thought so much. Which is why Agdar had it overturned once he became king. Thankfully no one was banished for it and he managed to find a few items related to her," Gerda shared.

"But…Why would grandfather do that? He loved grandmother, didn't he?"

"We always believe he was very grief-stricken to think rationally." Kai paused for a moment, eyes appearing glum. "Sometimes grief makes people do…extreme things. By the time their senses return the damage has already been done."

Elsa was quiet for a minute. "Did…Did papa make it forbidden to mention my name after I was taken?"

"Not to the extent your grandfather did. He only hid it from your sister. He wanted to wait until Anna was able to understand. He still took your disappearance very seriously."

"How hard did he take it?"

Kai glanced over to Gerda, who shared the same uneasy expression as he. "...Very hard."

"I see…"

"But that is now in the past," Gerda spoke with a brighter tone. "All it matters now that you're back with us."

By the end of that day, Elsa could see why her parents and Anna trusted the servants so dearly. And now she could as well.

Finally, there was Bishop Ruud. Elsa did not often interact with the man given that the Bishop was often busy with his duties. There were a few occasions when they would interact in the courtyard and would exchange smiles.

One day, however, Elsa decided to visit the chapel herself. She had grown very curious about what Ruud does and what goes on in the chapel. The Bishop was the only one there, doing some cleaning when Elsa arrived.

"Oh hello, El-...'Joan'," Ruud said her cover name in case someone outside was listening. "What brings you here?"

"I…I wanted to ask some questions. About…all of this," Elsa gestured to the entire chapel. "If you're not busy that is."

"Oh, it's alright. I would be more than happy to answer your questions, my dear."

What followed for the next several hours was Elsa asking questions about God and religion. Throughout her stay, she had overheard many people, including those close to her, mention the word many times. When she asked Anna about it, her sister gave her an explanation, albeit a brief one, of who God is and suggested that Elsa go to the Bishop for further questions. Ruud happily answered all of her questions, and enjoyed her enthusiasm.

"So this 'God' person created everything? Including me?"

"If you want to believe that. I like to think he did," Ruud answered honestly.

"Even…even those who kidnapped me?"

Ruud gave a slow nod. "Even them."

"Then if God is good, why…why would he create people that are bad?"

Ruud gave Elsa a gentle, assuring expression. "God gave the gift of free will to all of his creations. No one is born evil, nor even good. People are shaped by experiences but ultimately it is solely up to them, and them only, to choose the path to go on. Many will choose the path to be good. But some will also choose the path of evil. A life full of sin, like your captors. That is the nature of the world around us. We cannot stop all of the evils that linger in the world. Sometimes it may feel like there is more evil in the world. But you know what you can do?"

"What?"

"Be a kind person. Never give yourself into darkness fully, and help others in need. Nobody is truly perfect. Good people will sin at least several points in their lives. Even I am guilty of it. But good people can admit their wrongs and do their best to be better people. Bad people embrace their sins and do not make any effort to be good people. There is more good in this world than may it seem. You just need to never give up on that belief. Always keep that in mind, Elsa."

"I will try." Elsa glances at the altar straight ahead of her. "Can I…talk to God somehow?"

"You can."

"How?"

"Prayer."

"What is that?"

Ruud then gave a brief demonstration of prayer. The man lowered his head, closed his eyes, and clasped his hands together. Elsa found it an odd gesture but figured it was not the strangest thing she's ever seen.

"Once you settle down, you then speak softly to him and finish with an 'Amen'. You can do it in any place that you like," Ruud finished with his explanation.

"That doesn't sound very hard. What should I say to him when I pray?"

"Anything that comes to your mind."

"Just like that?" Ruud nodded in agreement.

And then there were the moments she had with her parents. Every day was a different experience for her. For every mess-up she made, they never once got mad at her for them.

A few days into her stay, Elsa woke up one morning with a cramp around her abdomen. It was that familiar sting of her monthlies as Anna called them. Elsa realized that the mark of her monthlies had stained the bed sheet. It made Elsa panic. Fritjof once got upset at her for spilling food on her mattress, staining & making it smell funny. He punished her by hitting her and making her sleep on the cold floor of her cramped room for a week. Back at her home in the ice palace Elsa has adopted methods to clean up her monthlies but here those methods were not available.

In her panic, she didn't realize how much time had passed. It prompted Idun to go up to check on her. When she arrived, Idun was immediately concerned with Elsa's distressed state. When Idun asked what was wrong, Elsa directed her to the bed with the stain. Elsa lowered her head, and readied herself for her mother to berate, hit, or whatever harsh punishment she had in mind.

What she did not expect was Idun wrapping her arm around Elsa in a comforting manner.

"It's alright, Elsa. We can clean it up." Idun spoke with gentleness in her voice.

"You're not…mad?" Elsa utter.

Idun seemed surprised by that suggestion. "It's a common accident. Every woman had dealt with that at least one point. Why would I be upset?"

"My…caretaker used to get mad at me whenever I got something dirty. He would…" Idun could see the way Elsa's eyes went downcast. Quickly, she decided to change the subject not wanting to subject her daughter to reliving something painful.

"Nevermind that. Let's get you cleaned up."

"What about the sheets?"

"Worst case scenario we can always replace it. No need to fret."

Idun guided Elsa out of her room. The queen had Gerda take care of the mess which her old servant quickly set out to do. Idun took Elsa to her bathroom and ran a warm bath and helped Elsa clean up. The warm water helps soothe Elsa's cramps much to Idun's relief.

Afterwhich, Idun & Elsa had breakfast together since they missed it with Agdar and Anna. Both of which were understanding of the situation. It was only the two of them in the dining hall. The whole encounter in the bedroom had raised questions for Idun to ask.

"Elsa…what happened back there, you know what that is, right?"

"Anna told me that they were 'monthlies'."

"And you know they're natural, right?"

"Every woman gets them. Anna told me that as well. She said it was our body's way of saying ``I'm getting older and I could do adult things."

"That's one way to put it…" Elsa took notice of her mother's sudden uncertain expression.

"Is there something more to it, mama?"

"...It's also your body's way of telling you that you could be a mom if you wanted. Though it's more preferable if you do it a few years older than you are now."

"A mom? How?" Elsa seemed genuinely confused by her mother's statement.

Idun was surprised by her daughter's answer. "Elsa…do you know about sex?"

"No…What is it?"

Idun sucked in a breath before she started speaking.

"Elsa, in this world there are three types of love one could experience. The first thing many usually experience is family love. The love me, your father, and Anna have for you is that type of love. The second type of love is platonic. It's love for your friends."

"Like me and Kristoff?"

"Yes. Like that. Finally, there's the romantic kind of love."

"What's that one?" Elsa leaned in with interest.

"It's when two people, typically a man & woman, have deep feelings for each other. It's what I and your father have for each other. These two individuals want to spend the rest of their lives together. Their display of love is different from family and friends. Their love is more…intimate. That's when sex comes in. It's usually meant to be a unification of their romantic bond. Sometimes it results in a child. Does that make sense?"

"I think so…How does sex work? Is it a dance?"

"That's a conversation for another day. The details of that subject are very complex. Trust me when I say it." Elsa remembered that gentle smile that was on her mother's lips when she said that.

Later that day Idun took Elsa for a walk around the gardens. The ice wielder had grown a fondness for this area of the castle. She liked the many types of plants & flowers that are grown here. Idun also loved the gardens as well as Elsa soon learned. Turns out the queen had a bit of a hobby with gardening. Many of the plants here she had helped plant herself. Idun knows almost all the plants here as well.

"We even have some plants that are not even found in Arendelle." Idun directed Elsa to a large golden, but beautiful appearing flower. "That flower right there is from Corona."

"Corona…" Elsa utters out with curiosity. "I think I've heard that name somewhere before. Isn't that the name of a kingdom?"

"It is."

"Is it far from here?"

"It's about a week-long boat trip there so it's not too far. It's a beautiful kingdom. Your father has cousins there. A pair of sisters. There's Willow, who often likes to travel a lot. Occasionally she would like to make a surprise visit here. Then there's her older sister Arianna. She and her husband, Frederick are the rulers of Corona. They also have a daughter around your age. Her name is Rapunzel."

"Are they nice?"

"They all are. Though Fredrick is a bit of a stern one, and Willow is a bit of an oddball. Rapunzel…Has been through a lot, but they're kind people."

"Do they know about me?"

"Your father hasn't told them about you yet. He's more focused on getting you adjusted to here first."

Elsa looked away from her mother. "Would they…Like me despite my magic."

Idun gently moves Elsa's gaze back to her own. "They would love you a hundred percent. I know you and Rapunzel get along well."

"Will I ever get to meet them?" Elsa asked with hope.

"At some point I'm certain. But as I said, we want you to get comfortable here first."

Her father, Adgar, was also the same in terms of patience and willingness to explain. Shortly after the monthly incident, Anna decided to teach Elsa how to ride a bicycle. Though it was raining outside, Anna insisted that it wouldn't get in the way. The young princess decided to teach Elsa in a hallway. Initially, Elsa was reluctant due to a rather expensive-looking vase at the end of the hall. Anna assured her that it wouldn't be a problem.

It only became a problem when Anna decided to let Elsa ride on her own after some teaching. Elsa had a good start-up until she needed to stop which she had difficulty doing. The ice wielder ended up crashing into the podium where the vase was. Elsa was knocked on the ground, along with the vase which let out a loud shattering crash.

"Are you alright?!" Anna said with urgency as she was kneeling by Elsa.

"I think so…" Elsa groaned, rubbing her head.

"What's going on?"

Agdar stood at the entryway of the hallway near the girls. A fearful expression grew on Elsa after she glanced between her father and the broken vase. She recalled the few occasions where she had broken things under the 'care' of Fritjof. All of these were complete accidents but he did not seem to care whether or not it was true. No matter how much she tried to explain he would viciously berate & beat her as if she committed a great atrocity.

Tension tightened within Elsa's chest as her father brought his eyes to the vase. Her breathing increased as well. "I-I'm sorry, papa. I was…I didn't mean to…"

"Take it easy. Just tell me what happened?" Adgar said with a gentle tone.

"It was partially my fault." Anna stood up. "Elsa wanted to learn how to ride a bike but it was raining outside so I took her here. I let Elsa ride on her own for a bit but she lost control and, yeah…"

Agdar crouched to Elsa's side. "Are you hurt, Elsa?"

"I…I hit my head," Elsa responded simply.

"Does it hurt?"

"Only a little…"

"Then it's probably nothing serious. All you need is to apply some ice."

"Yeah…" Elsa glances at the shattered vase. "You're not mad about that?"

"I can see that you didn't do it on purpose. Vases can be replaced." Adgar looks back to Anna. "But for future reference, I recommend not to have any bicycle teaching sessions here."

"Noted, papa," Anna said with a flustered expression.

"Let's get this cleaned up then."

From the rest of the day forward, Elsa tried to comprehend her father's reaction to the vase shattering. He did not raise her voice to her nor at Anna. It kept on bugging her head throughout most of the day up until she decided to talk to her father about it.

"Why did you react like that, papa?"

"React to what?"

"Me breaking the vase. You were so…calm."

Adgar seemed taken aback by his eldest's answer. "Elsa, it was an accident. Nothing more. How did you expect me to react?"

"Very angrily." Elsa paused. "My…captor did that to me whenever I broke something or anything he didn't like in general, regardless if it was an accident or not."

Adgar gently grasps her shoulder, looking into her eyes with tenderness. "Elsa, let me tell you that neither me nor your mother would ever do that to you over something as minor as that. No one deserves that type of treatment."

Those words went through Elsa's head that night. Elsa lay in bed, eyes glued to the ceiling, comprehending the last several days. There was so much to keep track of. So much to get used to. The question remains: Will she ever be comfortable enough to finally let her guard down?

As she was reliving the past several days, she recalled her recent talk with Bishop Ruud, and his explanation of praying. She decided to finally give it a shot. Elsa slowly sat up on the bed, thinking about what she was going to say. Finally, she placed both of her hands together and started speaking.

"Hey God. It's me, Elsa. Of course, you probably knew that. Bishop Ruud told me that you know everybody in the world. I don't know how you can keep track of that many people but I guess that's why you're all powerful like everyone says. Oh, sorry, I'm getting off track here…."

Elsa stopped her prayer as she took several minutes to think about what to say.

"I…The reason I'm speaking to you is well...Bishop Ruud said it was the best way for you to hear me start. What I want to say is that…I feel so conflicted. I'm finally back home. Back to my family. I should feel safe. I know I'm safe. Yet somehow…I'm scared. I'm scared of something bad happening. What if I lose my guard and everything is going to go wrong. Is this type of feeling normal? All I ask, God, is that I want to know that I can feel safe. I just want to feel…happy. I know you don't give out direct answers but I hope that one day I will feel fully safe here. Thank you for listening to me. Amen."

With that done, Elsa went silent. Nothing, of course, occurred after that. After being awake for who knows how long, Elsa decided to try to go back to sleep.

I'm gonna be honest I had no clue what to do with this chapter. If you were to ask me, the easiest things about fanfic writing is thinking up Major Plot Point A, then B, C, etc, you get the idea. The hardest things is getting to those points sometimes. I'm seriously starting to understand why George R. R. Martin takes a while to write his books.

Despite that I hope you all enjoy this chapter for what it is. Elsa struggling to get adjusted to her new life and learning things about her home and family.

Thanks for the favs, follows, and reviews. Happy Reading I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, and/or happy Holidays, and a great New Year.