"Your Majesty...?"
There was a knock at the door and Lucifer's hand slipped, making his knife slice through the clay, creating a massive line in the middle of his project. Fuck. He couldn't get any goddamn peace. This was the most important thing he had ever created and even then he wasn't granted the space to actually function. Maybe that was why he couldn't complete his only task.
He looked at the ruined clay, carefully trying to resculpt the sweet cheeks, the happy little smile, the... lifeless eyes.
Fuck.
Who was he kidding?
He couldn't do this. He couldn't make anything anymore. At least... nothing that mattered. It had been so easy up in Heaven. Just dream it, sculpt it, and then watch it come alive the moment it was finished. Now...?
He stared at the sculpture in his hands, smoothing the damage out until it was perfect once again. So beautiful... so soft. It would be the first bit of hope that Hell had ever seen... which was why it lay still on the table.
Unmoving.
Just a doll.
And that is all it would ever be.
Lucifer lost his chance at joy when he stood up to Heaven's tyranny. And now? Now he was living a meaningless role, making shells of what he used to be able to create. Hollow. Empty. Dead. Nothing could change it. And nothing ever would. Abandon all hope, ye who enter.
"Your Majesty..." another knock against the workshop door and Lucifer took a long, deep, calming breath. Snapping at a servant would do him no good. He tried to keep his voice level as he responded.
"What is it?"
"Breakfast is served."
"Ah, yes. I'm busy."
"The Queen is already at the table."
"... right." Lucifer looked at the pile of clay, unmoving on his desk. It wasn't going anywhere, no matter how much he wished it would move on its own. How it would giggle and flutter it's eyes, even, cry. But despite how much he wished, how much he tried nothing in his unholy magics could create the spark of true, life. That secret slipped through his fingers, tumbling out of his reach as he Fell into the depths below. He might as well give up on this whole, stupid dream he knew better than to dream in Hell.
So, with a heavy sigh and an even heavier heart, he got to his feet. He stood, going to the door and opening it to see an imp in the finest tailored suit waiting for him. Upon seeing the king, the imp bowed instantly.
"Your presence is requested at breakfast, my King."
"You're dismissed."
"Yes, my King!" The imp hurriedly scurried away. Lucifer sighed, heading down the stairs passing maids hard at work keeping the mansion spotless. In the dining hall, Lilith sat at the table, surrounded by fresh food, as servers hurried in and out of the massive kitchen.
"There you are my love," she smiled, getting to her feet upon seeing him. She took his clawed hands in her own, and knelt down, pressing a kiss to his lips. "I was wondering if you were going to show up."
"Sorry my darling, I was caught up in the workshop." He returned the kiss, squeezing her hands. A part of the display was starting to feel a little theatrical. But Lilith loved him, and he knew that. He also knew they had been arguing last night and he had spent the night working on his projects rather than sleeping in his marital bed. So, the warm greeting felt a little forced. (Unless Lilith really was over the argument, but that seemed unlikely.)
"How is the project going?" They returned to the breakfast table, Lucifer piling his plate full of sweets, Lilith putting her hand over the hand he was resting on the table. She was genuinely interested; he knew she wanted this complete just as much as he did.
"It's... coming along. Any day now really." It wasn't. It was a complete and total failure. But Lucifer couldn't break her heart.
"I can't wait." She smiled, squeezed his hand. Quiet fell over the two. Lucifer tried to cover for the silence by shoving food in his mouth. Lilith's free hand drummed on the table. Lucifer knew what she wanted to talk about, but he really didn't want to argue again.
"So," he swallowed his food, looking over at her. "How, uh, how's the weather looking today? Maybe we could go for a walk."
"Hot. But nothing too dramatic."
"Cool, cool. I should probably call Cain, have him do some maintenance on the gardens, they're looking a little overgrown."
"We have a gardener. We actually have several. You don't have to drag Cain out of his work for touch ups. He has an important job."
"Right, but I just kinda feel like they aren't as good as Cain." Maybe Lucifer just wanted to find an excuse to talk to Cain. It had been a while since they last spoke. The garden just felt like the only reason he could justify having Cain brought over.
"I think the garden looks fine, my love."
"Yeah, I guess." Lucifer didn't have another excuse, so he let the silence fall over them once again. He took her hand that was on top of his and kissed the top of it. She smiled, as beautiful as the day he had first laid eyes on her in Eden. Seeing her reminded him of everything he still had, what Heaven couldn't take. He smiled back at her.
"My King, my Queen," one of the butlers walked into the dining hall, dodging around the servers to reach the table. "Lady Death is at the door, requesting an audience." Lilith's face instantly fell and Lucifer felt his own heart drop.
"Tell her she has a lot of nerve showing her face here after what she did." Lilith was on her feet almost instantly, towering over the servant. Lucifer could see the anger in her eyes, in the way her body tensed, her voice wavered. He understood why she was upset, but at the same time...
"Don't tell her that. Just a moment in private, love of my eternity?" He glanced at Lilith, his most charming smile on his face. She met his gaze, her heart long ago hardened to his usual tricks of persuasion.
"I don't feel like this really needs to be a discussion "
"Lil, humor me, please, my darling." He offered her his hand. He watched her eyes roll as she begrudgingly placed her hand in his. She didn't like arguing in front of the staff any more than he did. It was a matter of pride, after all, and Lilith was almost as proud as Pride himself. He took her by the hand to the bedroom, the room warded from any intruding eyes or unwelcome visitors. Even eavesdropping was impossible through the ornate, decorated walls. Lilith waited until he closed the door to speak.
"You can't honestly be thinking of letting her into our home after what she did, right? You're not that desperate to appease her..."
"Appease?" Lucifer scoffed at the word. "I am not appeasing anyone! Azrael is our friend, and has been since the beginning-"
"She's one of them." Lilith said the word as if it was poison on her tongue. Lucifer understood the rage, he felt it too. Angels were the reason he was down here, miserable, day after day- his only joy coming from moments with the woman he loved with all his heart. He hated Heaven just as much- if not more than his Queen.
"No, she's not." But Lucifer would stand up for the only angels that he still trusted. "She is cursed just like we are!"
"She didn't support your cause."
"But she supported me." Lucifer had served as the Archangel of Light, the leader of all the other angels in Heaven, only the Metatron herself above him. And during that time, Azrael had been one of his top Seraphim- right alongside the likes of Syriel and Balrael. She had not supported his desire to change things, but she had supported him. She kept her mouth shut when Heaven asked questions. And for that... she was punished. She didn't Fall but Lucifer often wondered if she would not have been better off if she had.
"She is still loyal to Heaven, and she will always be. She is the reason the monster who mutilated you was in our domain!" Her words hurt because of the truth behind them. Lucifer knew Michael had been here in Hell. He hadn't seen him, he couldn't. But Lilith had gone to try and settle the conflict as a wonderful, passionate queen should. She had not succeeded; Lucifer knew she wouldn't and had begged her not to go to spare her the heartache.
"War tried to overthrow the other Horsemen. Heaven put a stop to it. That was not an attack on us."
"He is one of us! One of our people!"
"The Horsemen are considered unaligned."
"He was Hellborn! He may have been unaligned by technicality but he was loyal to Hell in his heart! He dared to try and dream big, to improve things, and what does Heaven do? What they do best! Squash the dreams and crush the dreamer."
"We have no say in this, my love." Lucifer didn't know the whole story; he had always found War to be a little loud and obnoxious. But he knew if the Horsemen were thrown out of balance that was it. The Apocalypse would come. Heaven and Hell would go to war...
And Lucifer knew how that would end.
"That's bullshit, and you know it. We are the rulers of Hell. By definition we should have had the authority to defend him!" Lilith cared about her people, from Hellborns to Sinners, she was the reason Hell wasn't just wonton chaos. She had built up a society from nothing. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't even all that good, but it was at least... functional.
"It is not our place to interfere in the Horsemen." Lucifer hated taking the passive stance when he knew Lilith wanted him to be enraged like she was. And he was mad, furious. That blue winged dickbag had been on his turf dishing out divine justice to his people. But at the same time, he knew that what War was doing was wrong and had to be stopped. Azrael would never have asked for help if the situation hadn't been urgent. She knew how Lucifer felt about the Warden of the Pearly Gates.
"It's our job to protect our citizens."
"And we are protecting them. We're making sure the fucking world doesn't end." Lucifer grabbed Lilith's hands, holding them in his own, looking up at her. He could see the unhappiness in her eyes and it cut him through to his very core.
"It seems awfully convenient that one of our loudest voices was the one that had to be crushed."
"You're looking too much into it, my darling. I know you are unhappy that they took one of our own, I hate it too. But his replacement is also Hellborn. So, if you think about it, we haven't really lost any-"
"His replacement is complacent. Just like Balaam has become." Lilith pulled her hands away. "Hellborns who listen to Angels are no better than the Angels themselves." Lucifer could have taken the time to correct Lilith that Balaam was, in fact, a Fallen and she knew this, but Lucifer didn't feel as if his wife would react well to this rectification in her language.
"I don't know what you expect me to do here, Lil." He let his hands fall back to his side, letting out a long sigh.
"I don't care what you do; I just want you to do something to prove that you still care about this, about us, about everything we have built!"
"I do care! That's why I am making us a child! But you can't expect me to boss around Michael no matter how much I disagree with his actions!"
"I don't know how much I want to raise a child in a world where you let Heaven walk all over us after everything they have done." Lilith's words were out of anger, and he knew that, but it didn't make them hurt any less. "So, maybe it's a good thing that you haven't been able to finish her yet." Lucifer took a step back.
"I am not letting them walk over us. I have kept them out of our hair for thousands of years. This whole War fiasco has nothing to fucking do with us. I am not involved because it's not my fucking problem. If you want to get killed by Heaven, then be my fucking guest. I don't give a shit!" He didn't mean that. He instantly regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. He saw the way his wife's face fell. "Lil, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"If you were trying to hurt me, it worked."
"I'm sorry." Lucifer stumbled on his words. Apologies were not easy for him, and Lilith was about the only being in all of existence that he would apologize to. She was the only one who he genuinely loved enough to overwhelm his pride and get him to acknowledge his actions. "I didn't mean it. I love you, more than life itself. Paradise was nothing until I found you."
"Don't." Lilith held her hand up to stop him. "I'm upset right now. Just..." she took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Deal with Azrael. And don't let her hang up any more of her creepy bug paintings."
"Shouldn't be a problem, last I checked she was really into cooking." Lucifer didn't want to leave while Lilith was still pissed, but he knew better than to push when she needed time to cool off. He wished Azrael had actually Fallen it felt like Lilith would be more receptive to her if she wasn't still an Angel.
"I don't- I don't care, Lucifer. Just get rid of her."
"Of course, my love." The Devil sighed, exiting the bedroom and heading down the stairs to the front door. He nodded to the doorman, who opened the door to reveal the Pale Rider herself. Her skin was white as paper, her eyes as black as the starless night. Her long, white hair seemed to defy any gravity, floating like she was in space, flickering like the flame of a candle. Her long snowy dress flowed around her, the bottom vanishing into white fog that seemed to follow her wherever she went. Her halo was unique, a loop at the top, a long line at the bottom. It was Death's Halo, a reminder of who she was.
"Thank you." She smiled to the doorman, curtsying deeply. Her face lit up, seeing Lucifer before her. "Lulu! How have you been!?" She went in for a hug, arms wide, but Lucifer held his hand out to stop her.
"Fine. Busy." He turned to the staff around him. "I will be in the parlor, do not bother me unless the Queen tells you to." He turned back to Azrael. "Come."
"Sounds good!" If she was at all upset by his rejection of her hug, she didn't show it on her face. She followed behind him, all the way to the parlor. "Oh!" She stopped as they passed a painting of a moth. "You hung it up!" Her face brightened more. Lilith hated the painting, but Lucifer didn't have the heart to tell Azrael that. And he genuinely liked the painting. He thought it was perfect for the Devil's mansion. He might have to take it down one day, but he hoped Lilith would continue just to roll her eyes at it whenever she walked past.
"It's a good painting."
"Thank you! I just got this one." She snapped her fingers showing Lucifer a painting of a bluejay and a cardinal sitting on a tree branch.
"So, you're into birds now?"
"Oh, no. I didn't paint it. It's good though, right? I got it from this Angel in my painting class, Karen. She's sweet."
"Careful that she doesn't develop any feelings for you. Heaven isn't big on romance. Just a heads up."
"It's not like that." Azrael laughed as the painting vanished. "I think she just wants to be friends because we both go to that class and she is very shy. Not a lot of Angels will talk to me, so you know, if that's what she wants I am very open to having a new friend! Try not to be too jealous, Lulu~"
"Right." Lucifer took a seat on one of the couches and gestured for Azrael to sit across from him. "I thought you were giving up painting to do cooking full time?"
"I am not good at cooking, turns out." Azrael let out a small sigh. "Poor Adam, every time I touched ingredients they would die. He bought me gloves, but it didn't help all that much. By the end of the lessons, he had to do pretty much everything for me."
"Ugh." Lucifer was in a bad enough mood already without having to hear Adam's name brought up in conversation.
"Sorry." Azreal covered her mouth, realizing her mistake. "Anyway," she quickly shifted the subject, "I am now a seamstress!" She snapped again and a beautiful, fluffy, stuffed butterfly made of the softest fabrics Lucifer had seen, appeared in her hands. "It's reversible!" She reached on the underside of her stuffed animal and pulled the fabric so she flipped it inside-out revealing a moth pattern on the other side. "I couldn't decide between the butterfly design or the moth, so I was just like: both! Now the baby can choose which she likes better!"
"There isn't a baby, Az." Lucifer felt a pang in his chest. He had talked about his idea with her, after he and Lilith had decided to try. She had been there during his Angelic Reign, after all, she knew his capabilities.
"Did you change your mind?" She looked surprised. Lucifer bit his lip. He had no desire to admit his failure, even to her.
"Yes."
"... oh." Her face fell for a moment as she looked at the toy in her hand. "Did you really?" She locked eyes with him.
"Why did you bring Michael here?" Lucifer immediately changed the subject. Azrael's frown deepened. She sighed softly.
"I had no choice. Azazel was... acting irrationally. He wanted to end the world early; he thought the influx of Sinners would give Hell the push it needed to overwhelm Heaven's defense and take what was: rightfully theirs."
"And you couldn't have just dealt with this internally?" Lucifer recalled hearing the name Azazel before. But it was far more common to just call the Horsemen by their titles unless one had a very close relationship to them.
"You don't think I tried? He was obsessed. He thought if he took Syriel and I both out that Hell could rule the Horsemen, that Hell could choose the End of Days. If Michael had not stepped in, someone might have ended up dead."
"You're Horsemen you can't fucking die. Don't be dramatic."
"I am being serious-."
"Az, please."
"I know that you are upset; I understand why but please know that I would not have involved Michael unless it was absolutely necessary. You know I wouldn't. I'm your friend." Her voice shook. Lucifer believed her. He really didn't even question her motivations, but at the same time, a line had been crossed.
"Was anyone killed?" Lucifer couldn't bring himself to push the issue further. He didn't want to make Azrael cry.
"No. Thankfully. One of Azazel's sons was almost killed, but when the War title was stripped, it ended up going to that son, so he gained our immortality. If that had not happened, he would have been slain in the crossfire."
"And what about the Original War? Michael didn't find it necessary to kill him since he had no wings to cut off?"
"No, Azazel was simply stripped of his title and power. Without the Horsemen's Immortality, he will die eventually, as Hellborn do."
"Seems cruel."
"Angels do not kill."
"Except for you."
"I don't kill, I'm Death. There's a difference."
"Why did you come here, Azrael?" Lucifer leaned back on the couch, watching the Angel sitting across from him as his tail twitched.
"To apologize. I knew this would be upsetting for you, for your family. Lilith made her feelings on this very clear."
"Well, you brought Michael into Hell, she's got a right to be pissed."
"She does, but I promise you, it had to be done."
"You promise?" Lucifer raised an eyebrow.
"I do." Azrael did not hesitate. Lucifer sighed. The word promise wasn't something angels used lightly. "Lucifer, you know what the end of the world entails, what that means for you." Her voice was still shaking. Lucifer did know what that meant. Heaven and Hell would go to war, and he was not meant to see it through. "And we're supposed to retire, remember?"
"Retire?" Lucifer laughed. He recalled the conversation from when he had first mentioned the idea of making a child. "That's right, my kid becomes the new ruler of Hell, and Lilith and I retire to Purgatory, sipping martinis on the beaches..."
"And I get to visit all the time because I already live there." Azrael smiled gently as Lucifer reminisced. "Maybe even I get to retire too."
"You and Balaam, joining Lilith and I on the beach..." Lucifer laughed at the absurdity of it all. Azrael was never escaping her wretched, grim job-just as Lucifer never would- and yet she could still smile and pretend.
"I'm with Balaam in this scenario?" She giggled.
"You know he's in love with you, right? He has been since before he Fell." Lucifer relaxed a bit. He knew Balaam would deny everything, but Lucifer also knew love. Heaven would never allow it, but this was a dream, after all.
"Is he? I hadn't noticed." She smiled, but it wasn't filled with her usual cheer. "He is really great... but..."
"But... Heaven." Lucifer knew the strict rules could be the bane of any Angel's existence. Even Death felt the need to obey the rules.
"No... not Heaven. I just don't think I would be a very good partner. I can't even get him flowers without them dying." The smile returned to her eyes and she laughed. There was still sadness in her voice, Lucifer could hear it, but he smiled in return.
"But you could give him one of your fun projects."
"I mean, they are pretty fun." She held up the stuffed butterfly again. "You should feel it, it's really soft."
"Oh wow." Lucifer took it from her, he took his glove off, running a finger over the soft fabric. "That's soft as shit."
"Thank you! Babies like soft things. I wanted to make sure it was something your little one could actually enjoy."
"I told you," Now it was Lucifer's turn for his face to fall. "There isn't going to be a baby." He put his glove back on, handing the toy back to Azrael. He couldn't possibly explain such a bright and fluffy stuffed animal to Lilith.
"I know it's difficult-"
"It's not difficult." Lucifer snapped. "It's actually really easy. I used to do this shit all the time. It's just a waste of goddamn energy because why the fuck would I want to bring a baby into a shithole like this? She wouldn't have anything. I may be the Devil, but I'm not a fucking monster. I am not about to make a life just so Heaven can ruin it."
"Your baby would have you. She would have you, and Lilith, and a beautiful life that the two of you would give her- it is still going to be a girl, right?"
"That was the goal." Lucifer sighed. Azrael made the whole idea sound so... sweet, so idealized. For someone who only saw the saddest moments of human existence, she still had so much joy in her heart.
"What if I could help you?"
"No offense, but... this is sort of... the exact opposite of your expertise. Not sure how much help you can actually give."
"I used to make things too, silly! But I will forgive you for that very offensive statement because you did preface it by saying no offense and as we all know, that pretty much excuses anything you could possibly say."
"I take it you still took offense?" Lucifer snorted at her comment.
"No, why would you ever think that?" She grinned at him. She reached across the space between them, pressing the tip of her finger on the center of his face. (It wouldn't kill him, despite her being Death itself, because it wasn't his time, and despite all her jokes, she really was more of an escort than a killer.)
"Just a guess."
"A poor one," her smile was so genuine. Lucifer had almost forgotten what a real smile looked like. He even found one crawling across his own face. "I happen to know a lot about the process, as a matter of fact."
"Do you now?"
"Yes! Rochele and I are best friends. Not like you and I are, don't get jealous." She winked at him, teasingly. Lucifer knew he was supposed to be mad at her, and he was. She had let Michael onto his turf. But at the same time... she had such a positive outlook on everything, it made it hard to sulk. (She was Death and if she could find the good in life, maybe Lucifer wasn't looking hard enough.) "But still, if anyone knows about life, it's her."
"Please don't tell me you invited Rochele to help." Lucifer narrowed his eyes. He had nothing against Rochele, so long as she kept her distance. She was still one of Michael's best- if not his top Seraphim. (Sure, she worked for Gabriel too, but he was also the fucking worst, and if Mike and Gabe had conflicting orders, Rochele would always default to serving Michael. Loyal to a fault, that was the thing with Angels.)
"No. I wouldn't do that without asking."
"I don't even think she could fucking find this place." Lucifer couldn't miss taking a dig at one of Michael's girls.
"I got you something." Azrael put the butterfly in her lap before cupping her hands together to reveal a small golden box. Lucifer squinted, it wasn't big, no bigger than a box for a necklace or a larger piece of jewelry. She offered it toward him. "I know that your powers aren't exactly... conducive to Creation, anymore... so... I thought this might help."
"What the..." Lucifer reached forward, taking the box. The moment he had it in his hands, he felt... something. This wave of familiarity washed over him as if he was finding a long-lost childhood memento. He flipped open the box with his thumb, and a light washed over him. He shut it again, quickly. He looked immediately back at Azrael. "Where the fuck did you get this!?" His hands trembled as he held the box tightly.
"I stole it."
"No the fuck you didn't."
"No, I didn't." She sighed wistfully, a smile still on her onyx lips. "Rochele owes me a favor. I called it in."
"I don't need this." Lucifer was torn between wanting to shout or cry. He dared not open the box again, less the light escape and he lose any and all chances of finishing his most treasured project. "I don't need anything from Heaven."
"It's not from Heaven. It's from me." Azrael reached over, putting her hand on top of the box, still in his grip, and nudging it toward him. "Think of it like... a birthday present!" Lucifer squinted at her, distrustfully.
"We don't have birthdays."
"Well, calling it a Christmas gift seems like it's in poor taste, and also incredibly out of season. How about, happy anniversary! Since it's for you and Lilith."
"I can't take this."
"Yes, you can."
"If my baby is connected to Heaven, at all they are going to take her-"
"No, they won't. Because Heaven had nothing to do with this. This is something I did, on my own. Okay?" She reached up, putting her hands on both of his shoulders. "You trust me, right?" Lucifer looked up, seeing her dark eyes staring into his own. Even as a Fallen, Lucifer could still feel intent. It was a power he had grown numb to, over the years, because no one in Hell ever had good intentions. He simply stopped using it. But now, he could feel her intentions so clearly that he might as well be reading her mind. She wanted to help.
"... why?" It was the only word he could get out of his mouth as he met her gaze. She released his shoulders and leaned back in her chair.
"So maybe your wife will stop hating me."
"Lil doesn't hate you." Lucifer tried to ignore the obvious eyebrow raise he was getting from Azrael. "She just hates Heaven."
"I'm not with Heaven though, I'm Death. Completely different allegiance. Not to brag, but I even have my own horse, which is very cool. It even turns into a motorcycle. Which doesn't help with stairs, but I assure you, is definitely a feature of some kind."
"What the fuck is a motorcycle?"
"It's a type of transportation we have in Heaven. The humans are still pretty far away from inventing it, so it'll be a while before you have them in Hell, but I promise you, it's very cool looking, a real babe magnet."
"Babe magnet?" Lucifer laughed despite his shock at the sheer absurdity of her words. "That's not very angelic of you."
"But making you laugh is angelic, so it evens out." She giggled at his reaction. "The point is, take my gift or I will cry. Then you'll feel bad."
"I'm the Devil, I don't feel bad about anything."
"You would feel bad if you made me cry."
"No, I wouldn't." He would. He didn't care if most people cried, because, quite frankly, he didn't care about most people. He cared about Lilith, he cared about Azrael, and to a lesser extent he cared about Syriel and Balaam. Not that he would openly admit to it. He tried to keep himself isolated from others, emotionally, save for Lilith. He didn't want to be hurt again. But he failed when it came to Azrael. Something about talking to her just reminded him of better days. He took a deep breath, cradling the box close to his chest. If anyone was going to cry, it would be him. "Azzie... I don't..." He trailed off. He didn't deserve this, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. "I don't need it."
"Well, it's yours. Do with it what you will." She shrugged her shoulders dismissively. "I am just excited to finally get a chance to meet the little devil." She giggled, holding up the stuffed butterfly again. "I bet she loves soft toys!"
"I mean, she's going to be Infernal, she might like sharp spikes. It's really anyone's guess." Lucifer had to be snide to avoid accidentally shedding a tear and showing weakness in front of another being. Azrael didn't seem offended, as she let out another, bell-like giggle.
"She'll be part angel whether you like it or not. A Fallen is still an angel."
"Azzie." Lucifer narrowed his eyes.
"Fine, I'll make some spikes just in case. I have something else in mind for her first birthday! Or her day of creation, whatever you want to call it!"
"You..." Lucifer met her gaze, "you haven't told anyone about this, have you?" The last fucking thing in the world he wanted was to see his family swooping in, stealing the only bit of joy he was ever going to experience.
"You know I wouldn't."
"You're an Angel."
"I'm your friend."
"I..." he could feel the honesty in her words. "I know. I'm just... scared." He held the box a little closer. Suddenly that smiling infant made of clay, lying still on the table upstairs didn't feel like such an unachievable dream any longer.
"Life is full of scary things, but we're literally two of the scariest right here: The Devil and Death, it doesn't get much worse than that."
"You have a point." He smiled despite himself. "How are you so... fucking positive?" He laughed, but it was more anxious than joyful. "After everything you've seen, after what Heaven did to you... how can you be happy?"
"Just because life is difficult, doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy the good parts of it." Her words were genuine, but Lucifer just felt anger on her behalf. Heaven didn't even treat her well, the lesser angels were predominantly scared of her, they judged her. (Even though it was allegedly forbidden to judge another. But those bastards didn't give a shit about the rules unless Michael was watching.) "My inaction is the reason I have this job, but I don't see it as punishment, not anymore. Taking souls to the afterlife is actually... so fulfilling. I get to talk to them, know what they have done with their lives- Abel still sends me cards. I have the opportunity to take the worst thing a soul can experience, and make it not so scary. I just hope... one day... someone can do the same for me." Her face looked briefly forlorn.
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Lucifer was annoyed, something in her expression made him feel uneasy. "You can't die, Azzie, you're a Horseman."
"You're right..." her smile returned. "And it really is a good job! Despite everything, I feel like what I do is important."
"But you have to deal with Purgatory." Lucifer was willing to do anything to veer away from such a morbid topic. And, he liked Purgatory in small doses as it was a break from fucking Hell, but it wasn't great long-term. There weren't a lot of real people there, aside from the boat captains, the other Horsemen, and- well it wasn't important who was there. It was still a dangerous place, and Azrael had to be there constantly.
"Oh, don't be like that." She smiled, shaking her head. "Purgatory has a lot to offer! It's really quite lovely-"
"If you ignore all the fucking monsters."
"The city is safe. That's the important part. And I usually don't see too many abominations where I live. I don't exactly go wandering through the land. The souls love it there, but I have been considering changing the name... you know, something more light hearted and digestible for when they first arrive!"
"Just don't make it some stupid fucking pun. Lilith and I have to visit that place for vacations because we have very limited options."
"Oh, it will definitely be a bad pun. Just for you."
"You wouldn't do that to me, Azzie, we're friends." Lucifer smiled, the light hearted tone returning to their conversation.
"I absolutely would, because we're friends."
"Your royal majesty," One of his servants stood in the doorway, announcing themselves as was proper protocol in the presence of the King or Queen. Lucifer knew they were in the parlor, an open room where anyone could walk past, that was somewhat intentional so Lilith could join if she saw fit. Not that she would but Lucifer wanted the offer to be open. "Will Lady Death be staying with us for lunch? The chefs would like to know how much food to prepare."
"Ah," Lucifer was torn. On the one hand, Azrael had just given him the most incredible, meaningful gift. On the other… Lilith was still (rightfully) upset about the roll the Angel of Death had played in what happened to War.
"I can go." Azrael most have seen the conflict in his gaze, or maybe she simply sensed the uneasiness he was feeling. The servant nodded and quickly took his leave. Lucifer fumbled for a moment, trying to find the right words.
"You know, I'm a little sad. I was hoping you could stay longer-"
"Hey, I get that I'm still not popular here. I know you like me, and that's all that matters." She smiled, but really, that just made Lucifer feel worse. "I wish there could have been another way… you know, with Azazel… but I promise you, calling your brother was my last possible resort-" Lucifer cut her off rather quickly.
"He's not my fucking brother."
"Right… your clone. I didn't want to involve him, but there was no other choice. He had to be stopped, not just for my sake, but for the sake of every realm. He was going to bring everything crashing down around him-"
"Azrael, I don't care." Lucifer's voice was cold. This subject had already been the topic of a fight with Lilith, it was the reason Azrael was on even worse terms with the Queen than usual. Not that Lilith had ever liked Azrael. Well, she had before the Fall. But Lilith had found Azrael's refusal to join Lucifer's cause to be an act of betrayal. Lucifer had been annoyed at the time, but in the end, Azrael had kept what he was doing a secret. It was Michael who had fucked him over for the rest of eternity. And Azrael's silence ended up costing her. Through all her smiles and good cheer, Lucifer knew she was a social pariah in Heaven. She was Death. How could she not be? The fact that a Seraphim of her status was forced to hang out with low-ranking Angels in some bullshit painting class spoke volumes as to how lonely she must have been feeling. He didn't want to kick her out, but until things cooled down, it was probably for the best.
"Remember… he's not dead, Azazel, I mean-" Azrael met Lucifer's gaze.
"That truly surprised me. He didn't have wings for that blueberry jackass to cut off, so I presume his options were limited."
"He had his power stripped, so, he's just a normal Hellborn now. He will die eventually. But he was not slain. We wouldn't do something like that, not with one of your citizens, in your territory. His fate should be yours to decide."
"I'm honestly shocked the dickhole with the flaming sword was able to restrain himself." Lucifer's expression stayed stoic. Azrael's frown deepened.
"I'm sorry I upset you."
"It…" Lucifer looked at the little box still clasped tightly in his hand. "It's fine, Azzie. This whole fucking disaster will blow over in due time and then we can all be pissed at something else. Pretty sure Cain is going to do something to piss Lil off before the week is out, then she can use some of her energy to be mad at him instead of you."
"How is Cain?"
"Annoying as shit, obnoxious, he gets it from his god-awful fucking dad."
"I haven't really seen him much since I brought him to Purgatory."
"He isn't big on people so I wouldn't take it personally. Lucifer was telling the truth, at least, for the most part. He couldn't really bother checking in on Cain at the moment to be sure of what he was doing, but the First Murderer wasn't exactly big on other Sinners so as Hell became more and more populated, Cain stuck more and more with his plants.
"And how are the other Fallen?"
"I don't fucking know, Azzie, I don't really keep up with them." Lucifer didn't exactly enjoy the feeling of overwhelming guilt that hit him in the pit of his stomach every time he crossed paths with one of his fellow Fallen.
"Lucifer, darling?" Lilith's voice carried from upstairs. Lucifer couldn't see her, but he could guess she was on the second floor, leaning over the balcony to make sure he could hear her from the parlor. "Are we almost ready for lunch?"
"Yes, my love!" They had only just eaten fucking breakfast, so the fact that she was hungry again was either complete and utter bullshit, or proof that arguing burned twice as many calories as running or weightlifting.
"I'll go…" Azrael sighed a bit, her shoulders drooped. "But can you promise me one thing before I leave?" Lucifer snorted at the request.
"The Devil doesn't make promises."
"Please?"
"I mean, I'll say whatever the fuck you want, but it's completely and utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of things."
"Promise me you'll come visit. At least once, right after the baby is born so I can meet her." Azrael's request took him quite off his guard. It seemed so simple. He wasn't really sure why she sounded so insistent. "I know babies are difficult, and it might be hard to travel, but it would mean everything to me if you could stop by."
"I mean, you'll definitely meet her." Lucifer had a feeling that Lilith wouldn't exactly be on board with taking an actual infant to Purgatory, and with good reason. That place was fucking dangerous. But the good thing about Hellborn children, was that they lived a long time. His child might even be virtually immortal. He would find time to introduce them eventually. (Maybe they could do a father-daughter trip to Purgatory at some point.)
"I mean it, Luc." Azrael put her hand on his shoulder as she stood. "Come by. Bring your little one so I can see her."
"Sure, Azzie."
"Thank you." The smile returned to her face and she let her hand drop from his shoulder, choosing, instead to wrap her arms around him in a tight embrace. She was cold as ice, she always was, but this time her arms seemed to tremble slightly as she held him.
"Lucifer, my beloved?" Lilith called again from upstairs. Lucifer returned the hug and Azrael let go. Her eyes looked like they were glistening in the dim parlor lighting. She gathered the little plush butterfly, handing it to him.
"Take good care of it until your little one gets it, okay!?"
"Yeah, sure." Lucifer blinked, wondering if the moisture in her eyes was just in his imagination. Had he hurt her feelings?
"Azzie…" he looked her up and down as he got to his feet to escort her back to the door. "…is everything okay?"
"It will be, I think. We just have to give it time! Time for you to perfect that baby!" She was smiling again. Lucifer was fairly confident that everything he had witnessed had just been in his imagination. He smiled back at her.
"She'll be finished when she's finished." He was a perfectionist, and true perfection still took time. Even with Azrael's gift, he wasn't nearly ready to finish his child. There was so much nuance in making something that grew. But now… now his daughter was more real than ever before. The fact that one day he might be able to reach out, to hug her, to compliment her, to fill her with the hope he would never feel again- it was almost terrifying.
"I know, I just can't wait to meet her! Don't forget, okay?" Azrael turned to face him as they reached the door. The doorman opened it for her. She looked back at Lucifer, before taking him in her arms once again. She hugged him tightly, having to lean due to their noticeable height difference. Lucifer heard Lilith clear her throat.
"Good to see you, Lady Death!" Lilith called from up the stairs. Lucifer turned so he could see her, leaning on the banister on the second floor. She gave a little wave, Azrael waved back with twice the eagerness.
"Lovely seeing you, Queen Lilith!"
"I'll see you soon, Azzie." Lucifer gave her one of his most charming and (hopefully) reassuring smiles. Azrael leaned down again, putting a hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze as she looked him in the eyes.
"Don't forget! Okay?"
"I won't." Lucifer watched as Azrael released his shoulder. She stood up, walking out of the door. She stopped again, waving until the doorman closed the door and Lucifer could no longer see the ghostly white figure of one of his only, remaining friends.
If Lucifer had known that was the last time he would ever see Azrael, he would have invited her to stay for lunch. Hell, he would have rushed the fucking baby making just to be sure he was in Purgatory as soon as goddamn possible. But Charlie had taken almost another fifty years to fully complete, and even then they hadn't gotten around to taking her to Purgatory until after the Exterminations had started. (Even then, they hadn't really had time to stop over and visit Azrael who lived off the beaten path, away from the city. Not that it would have mattered…)
Azrael had been dead before Charlie's first visit.
His promise was broken, and there was no way to make it up to her. She was gone. She was gone and she would never have that chance to hold his little girl. The girl she had made possible all those years ago.
Lucifer was curled up on his bed, holding that stupid little butterfly plush to his chest. The box she had given him was stored away somewhere in his workshop, buried under a mountain of ducks. The box itself was a nice keepsake, he wanted to- no needed- find it, but it was what had been inside that made it so special:
The Spark of Life.
It was what they had used during the creation of the Earth to bring life to every plant and animal they had made, every Man and Woman. Lucifer was no longer able to manifest the spark on his own. He had been robbed of that ability when he had lost everything else.
There was knocking on his door, but he had long since tuned it out. No one could see him like this. He was the Devil, goddamnit. He was above such feelings like grief and loss.
Lucifer felt the tears streaming on his cheeks. The words of Azzie's letter to Charlie, the image of that fucking invitation to her funeral were burned into his mind as if someone had taken a hot poker to both of his eyes. She was gone and he didn't even have a chance to fucking say goodbye. She had been gone for so long that everyone just seemed over it, like Azreal was nothing more than a distant memory.
She wasn't a fucking memory, goddamnit, she was a person. She was his fucking friend! And he didn't even know she was gone.
He had to dig the stuffed butterfly out of the back of his closet and now it was in his arms and he didn't want to let it go. He hadn't even given it to Charlie like she had wanted.
Fuck.
He was a shitty fucking friend.
If he had done something different, if he had been there. If he had visited like he promised. Then… then maybe…
"Lucifer?" A voice cut through his silent mourning like a hot knife. It was just about the last voice he wanted to hear.
"Go the fuck away!" He hid his face; he couldn't be seen crying. "How did you even get in here I locked the door-"
"The mirror."
"Of fucking course, it was." Lucifer wanted to break every goddamn mirror in his house, but he knew from personal experience, that Adam could move in and out of any item, no matter the size, so long as it was reflective.
"Everyone's worried. I mean, not me, obviously, but like… you looked really upset when you ran past me, and Charlie is definitely concerned."
"Go the fuck away."
"No, it's my room too."
"I'm not dicking around! I want you out-" Lucifer sat up, trying to wipe any evidence of tears from his face as he turned to see Adam standing over him. He could see the faint glow from Adam's eye and the half of his mouth that was consumed by the otherworldly white light. The blacked-out side of his face seemed to almost get consumed by the darkness of his room.
"Did Azrael give you that?" The yellow orb that made up Adam's pupil in his working eye fell upon the stuffed butterfly in Lucifer's grip.
"Shut the fuck up."
"She made it in one of the sewing classes in Heaven. She made butterflies and moths in like... everything. I think they were her favorite. Kinda like you with your stupid fucking ducks."
"You don't know her." Lucifer was angry, not necessarily at Adam, really at himself. But Adam was here and an easy target.
"I mean, we weren't close. But we talked. She took my cooking class a few times, and one of my woodworking classes. She was shit at cooking, but her carving was promising."
"She..." Lucifer wanted to scream, to kick Adam out, but it was nice to hear a story about her that wasn't just about her death. "She mentioned that." Adam took a seat beside him on the bed.
"She couldn't do anything with vegetables. She would pick them up, and they would instantly start to decay. And these are holy vegetables. You'd think they would be immune to shit like that, but she found a way."
"How?" Lucifer made a noise that was almost a laugh. It might have been a sob. It was hard to tell, but Lucifer at least had plausible deniability.
"Dude, I have no fucking clue. I even tried having her wear gloves but it did nothing and I mean, literally nothing to help."
"You thought gloves would be more powerful than Death?"
"They were nice gloves. How the fuck was I supposed to know they weren't gonna do shit against Azrael's raw dedication to rot the food?"
"She didn't want to rot the food you know; I don't think she could help it."
"Yeah, she said as much... but she also laughed the entire time she said it. She had a great sense of humor for an Angel."
"She had no reason to be as happy as she was." Lucifer wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. "She was too good for Heaven."
"She was too fun for Heaven. She used to make jokes, even at her own expense. She loved to tease the other Seraphim, especially Sera."
"Fuck Sera."
"Nah, Sera doesn't deserve a good fuck." Adam said the words in such an as-a-matter-of-fact tone, Lucifer laughed. The unexpectedness of his words just caught him off guard. At the same time, he didn't really want to laugh.
"Why are you here?" Lucifer really just wanted to be alone, to vanish into the darkness of his room, and waste the day away with feelings of misery and inadequacy. Having Adam around would really put a dent in those plans.
"Like I said, Charlie's worried. I think Michael is too, but you don't give a shit about him, so it didn't feel like it was worth bringing up. Also, Syn is worried, and you know, that means she won't leave anyone alone."
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? I just needed some peace and quiet to think."
"You..." Adam trailed off. He looked a little uncomfortable with the topic. He cleared his throat, shifting on the bed beside Lucifer. "You haven't really had a chance to grieve."
"I am miserable all the time, I'm surrounded by nothing but grief and misery. I made the time. You can ask Syn, I put it in my schedule."
"Okay, I can ask Syn."
"Actually, don't." Lucifer hadn't had the opportunity to grieve. But he also had no desire for Adam to be right about anything. "I don't want her ranting to Michael about how I spend my day. He'll pretend to get all worried and it's gonna suck."
"Yeah, he's the fucking worst." At least Adam was as annoyed about Michael's constant presence as Lucifer was. He was, honestly, ready to send that fucker back to Heaven. But Charon had said that it was working, having Michael here... and also, Charlie was proud of him. Though, finding that invitation he now knew Michael had been telling the fucking truth about sending it. Which sucked. It was easier when he could blame Michael. He didn't want to blame himself.
"He is." The Devil nodded.
"Look..." Adam took a deep breath. "I know you and Az were close, like me and some of my friends up in Heaven. And I just want to say, sometimes it feels better after you let it all out, you know? Like, you know how many times I've cried over my kids? My wife?"
"Where is this going?" The fate of Adam's wife and kids had been Lucifer's fault, if indirectly. So, it wasn't much of a pep talk.
"Zero times, because I'm too manly to cry. But like, if I did cry, it would probably have been a lot." Adam's joke earned him a bit of a snort from the Devil. "Like every fucking day since I got here. Fortunately for me, Cain loves me, and everything is fine."
"Right. Sounds like it." Lucifer knew Adam had been struggling with his negative emotions since he had first arrived in Hell. For once in his afterlife, Adam seemed to actually be empathetic. And toward Lucifer of all beings.
"Seriously though, it's rough, grieving. But I think if you let at least your daughter in, you might feel a bit better. Plus, Charlie loves this emotional bullshit. She would be pissed to be left out." There was more knocking on the door. Lucifer cleared his throat. He looked at the butterfly in his hands, trying to wipe his face. Adam looked down at the toy, "you know, it's probably what Azrael would have wanted." Lucifer felt his hands tighten on the toy; his eyes started to sting. He could still see her, standing in front of him with that determined look in her eyes.
"Come in." His voice cracked despite himself. Adam looked at the door, then back at Lucifer. He quietly got to his feet and unlocked the door. Charlie instantly burst through, running to her dad. She took him in her arms, hugging him tightly. Adam was right, this did make the pain a little more tolerable.
"Are you okay?" Charlie practically squeezed him.
"Wallowing was not on the schedule until this evening! And this is not one of our self-care days!" Syn sounded distressed as well as she flew into the room to settle on Lucifer's shoulder. The Devil looked up at his daughter, pressing a hand to her cheek as she pulled away. He held up the stuffed toy in his arms offering it toward her.
"Azzie made this for you."
"For me?" She took the butterfly, and Lucifer could clearly see Charlie was wearing the bracelet that Azrael had enclosed in her letter. It brought that wet, stinging feeling to the front of his eyes again. He tried to fight the urge to cry. "You really would have loved her, crabapple..."
"I mean... yeah, it sounds like I would have." Charlie sat on her dad's other side, opposite to Adam who had returned to sit next to him. "Can... can you tell me more about her?"
"Would she have liked me!?"
"Of course, she would have loved your wings." Lucifer tried to keep his voice steady. He could see Michael, as Virgil and Lysander standing in the doorway.
"She met me when I was a babe," Lysander mused. So, he was older than Charlie, at least somewhat. Lucifer really wasn't sure exactly how old he was. "She gave me this baby outfit that looked like moth wings. Dad used to put me in it all the time and tell me it could make me fly. It could not, FYI."
"So, you met her?" Lucifer was a bit jealous on Charlie's behalf.
"Yeah, she is kinda the whole reason my dad is who he is." Lysander gave a nod.
"She really was a wonderful Angel." Michael nodded his head, trying to find the right thing to say, knowing any and every word might set Lucifer off. "She was a hard worker."
"She was so excited to meet you, Char-Char." Lucifer decided to focus on the most important person in the room. "She used to ask about you all the time, even before you were made. I think she just loved babies, if I'm being honest."
"I love babies too! We have that in common!" Charlie seemed to be hanging on every word. The pillow was gripped in her hand. Adam got to his feet. Lucifer could vaguely hear the sounds of retching from the bathroom. (He was wondering when that would finally hit.)
"She used to tell me that butterflies and moths were representative of change and new life and that was why she loved them so much." Lucifer laughed, but he still just felt like crying. "I told her, it was okay to have a fucking favorite animal. She didn't have to justify it." He wiped his face before the tears could make it down his cheeks. "We were supposed to retire together: me and your mom, Azzie and Balaam... or whoever she ended up finding." That image of them sipping cocktails in Port Gatory was completely shattered.
Azzie was gone.
Lilith had left.
Balaam hated him.
"I would pay to see you in one of those goofy sunhats, tacky Hawaiian shirts, and socks with sandals on some Port Gatory beach." Adam came back in, wiping his mouth, returning to his seat.
"Fuck you, I would have rocked it." Lucifer snapped back, trying not to let any more tears fall, and failing miserably.
"I think that sounds like a great goal." Charlie put her hand over her father's, trying to comfort him. Lucifer looked into her eyes, remembering the promise he had made, and he felt himself shatter on the spot. He couldn't stop the tears.
"I didn't..." he could barely get the words out. He thought someone would laugh, would mock him for his sadness. (Especially Adam). But everyone was quiet, they all seemed just as sad as he was. "I didn't even g-get a chance to s-say goo-goodbye."
"Well..." Charlie squeezed his hand. "You're here, with people who knew her, loved her. Why don't you say goodbye right now? We all could."
"I could do it." Lysander nodded. "I was too young for the real funeral."
"And I was not invited!"
"And I thought she actually had retired, I'll be honest. Her fate was kinda unclear." Adam added, earning him an odd look from Michael.
"I do miss her." Michael was the only one of them who had a really attended her service. Lucifer took a deep breath. Charlie was right. They were here already, sharing memories, talking about her. Maybe... maybe he could at least have a chance to say what he never got to.
"I'll go first!" Charlie closer her eyes, holding the toy close to her chest. "Azrael, you seem like a wonderful, amazing friend. Thank you for taking such good care of my parents. And I hope that wherever you are, you are happy."
"You made a kickass onesie, Az." Lysander spoke up, even he looked a little sad. "Thanks for helping my dad. And even though it couldn't actually fly it was still my favorite baby outfit."
"I miss you too, even though we have never met! I bet you would have been a great eleven o'clock meeting! And I will make my wings extra colorful in honor of you!" Syn, true to her word, made her wings come alive with an array of colors. Azrael would have loved it.
"You were a terrible fucking cook." Adam laughed. "But you were still such a fun fucking student it didn't even matter. Abel..." his tone shifted rather quickly, "he always said you made his transition easy. I know I thanked you for it before, but... I feel like I can never thank you enough. I am going to miss you, Azrael. You made dying less terrifying."
"You were a strong, wonderful Seraphim," Michael had his head bowed. "You were your own light in the darkness. And while you had one of the most difficult jobs, and for that, I am sorry, but you were about the only one who could do it. We will always, and forever miss you." Lucifer knew Michael had to stay vague to keep his disguise. He was a bit surprised the Archangel had the balls to speak at all. Though, at least he apologized. At least... he seemed to care.
"Azrael..." Lucifer took a deep breath, trying (and failing) to stop his voice from shaking. "I hope... someone made things as easy for you, as you made them on every human you met. I hope you are still out there, sipping colorful drinks on some... cosmic beach in an afterlife even we don't know about." She wasn't, and he knew that. But it was nice to imagine. "And... I'm sorry I broke my promise." He really, truly was. "I miss you, old friend." He didn't bother wiping his face, he wasn't the only one crying. "Goodbye... Azrael."
Charlie was right, he did feel a little better. It was nice to say goodbye. He liked to think, if Azrael was watching, that she would have liked the ceremony too.