Adam was surprisingly comfortable. He could feel chilly air against his cheek, but the heavy, thick blankets were blocking out the worst of it. There was something warm underneath him, solid, pleasant to lay against. He felt surprisingly relaxed given his constant torment.
"Hey... wake up." A gentle, husky voice practically whispered in his ear as he felt himself being shaken. He didn't particularly want to wake up. He ignored the hands on him, nestling back into the covers. "It's morning." Adam didn't care that it was. He just wanted to sleep.
Then suddenly Adam felt himself flying through the air toward the ground. He managed to grab the covers, because if he was going down, he was at least going down warm and comfortable. "What the fuck!?" He tried to sit up but he was tangled up in the blankets. He blinked, shaking his head trying to clear it.
"You knew the bed was mine." The Devil rolled onto his stomach, gazing down at the First Man from his comfortable position still on the massive mattress. He rested his chin on the duck Adam had given him. He had half a mind to snatch the thing out from under him and take it back.
"It's fucking huge, you don't need that much room. You're literally not even a fraction of the size of the bed." Adam had been enjoying his sleep, and now he was cranky.
"You're not that much bigger than I am, you know, since you're the same size you were when you were alive." The Devil rolled onto his back so he was staring at Adam upside-down. He slid a bit further down the bed toward him. Adam did his best to keep glaring from his cover-cocoon looking as threatening as he could while surrounded in blankets. Lucifer lowered his voice, smirking as he added: "which wasn't very tall compared to modern day humans, asshole."
"Hey! I am a perfectly respectable height! Unlike some tiny, insignificant, little Fallen Angel with a God complex that I could mention." If Adam had been in possession of a pillow, he would have thrown it right at that smirking face. Alas, he hadn't had the forethought to grab one on the way down.
"So grumpy. That's no way to talk about Carmilla." The Devil gave a snort. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Adam's eyes narrowed.
"I WOKE UP ON THE FUCKING FLOOR!"
"Because the bed was for me~ We discussed this like two seconds ago, don't you remember?" Lucifer sat up on the bed, looking as if he were ready to get up for the day which begged the question of why he had bothered waking Adam up at all when he could have just left.
"Asshole." The First Man flopped back onto the floor, curling up more in his comfortable blanket nest. The comforter was so thick, even the ground wasn't unpleasant to sleep on. If Lucifer was going to be that much of a bitch, Adam could just go to sleep where he was. He started to drift off again when suddenly he was lifted into the air. "AH, PUT ME DOWN!" Below him the Devil stood, fully dressed. (Goddamnit! Adam knew that fucker was getting ready to go. What was the point of fighting over the bed, then!? Adam was just going to climb back in the moment he was gone.) He was moved so he was directly over the bed before Lucifer decided to drop him on his face. At least he had a soft landing. He scrambled to sit up but inevitably failed. The bed was too soft and his limbs were too tangled for success. "Stop that!"
"What? I put you down." Lucifer looked ready to head out, so Adam started to make himself comfortable on the bed once again. "Listen," of course the Devil had to keep talking. "Last night you said something to me and I don't know if you were just rambling or if you were serious." Well, this looked like it was going to be a whole ass conversation. Wasn't Lucifer leaving? What happened to him leaving? Adam made a visible effort to roll over, facing the Devil in question, narrowing his eyes in annoyance.
"I don't ramble."
"You do. A lot. You are actually pretty chatty in your sleep."
"That doesn't sound like me." Adam didn't love the idea that he talked in his sleep as he could never remember his dreams and the idea Lucifer might know what was going through his head at night wasn't filling him with confidence and joy. Night was an uncertain time for him.
"Look, you told me: Heaven is where I got sick. Did you get Corrupted while in Heaven? Is that true? Or were you just sleep-talking?"
"I..." Adam tried to think back on the night before. He remembered talking to Cain, watching a video of Abel and Seth on his phone as he fell asleep... Abel and Seth... there was something... about them...
Adam's ears started to ring, his face felt flushed. His vision started to tunnel, everything in the room was suddenly moving further away.
"It's fine, forget it." Lucifer's voice sounded distant. Adam could barely hear it over that piercing ringing in his ears. And then he felt the blankets shift so they were over his head trapping him in his own covers.
"Hey!" Adam struggled against the fabric restraints, the ringing faded and his vision started to return to normal. "What the fuck!? Let me out of here!"
"Tell me where you are." Lucifer's voice sounded calm from the other side of the blankets.
"In a fucking blanket trap!"
"I mean, your exact location."
"Hell? The cold part? Dude, I don't know all the fucking names!" Adam barely knew how to find the mansion in the Ring he lived in. That was one of the many reasons he didn't often leave the property. That, and Lucifer didn't want to risk him making others sick. So, when Adam did leave, it was often only with Lucifer as an escort. (Though, he and Lysander had gone out once or twice for groceries or to a gym.)
"And your sons' names?"
"Cain, Abel, and Seth."
"Okay." Lucifer must have been satisfied with Adam's answers to Hell's most fucking random quiz because the blankets released their hold on him and Adam finally managed to claw his way free. He immediately regretted the freedom as the frigid air of Treachery smacked him directly in the face like a sucker-punch from Mother Nature herself. He wrapped himself up in the blankets to restore his warmth, only letting his face be free so he could pout and glare at the Fallen Angel who had decided to take him hostage.
"What was that about!?" Despite looking vaguely like a fluffy potato curled up in his blankets, Adam attempted to sound demanding.
"I don't want you to bite me again."
"I'm not going to bite you. I'm fine." So that was what this whole exchange was about. Adam had made the Devil nervous. Admittedly, for a moment. He hadn't felt great. But that passed and now he was back to normal.
"I... I think you are." Lucifer looked visibly relieved and Adam wasn't sure if he should be offended or not. He chose to be offended because it was the Devil, after all, and insults were kind of their thing. "Now go back to sleep, I have work stuff to do." Adam's eyes narrowed more.
"I could have still been asleep if you hadn't fucking thrown me."
"You were on top of me," the Devil gave a shrug as Adam felt his own heart speed up in his chest. "I reacted accordingly." Adam felt his cheeks heat up.
"You were warm. It was instinct." It was true. Adam had been drawn to the warmth because the air outside was so cold. It wasn't his fault the Devil was like a personal space-heater.
"Hmm, yes, but you really shouldn't have been in the bed at all, you see. You know, because it is mine and you had the couch.
"Look, I know you think you need room for both you and your massive ego, but other people deserve a soft, fluffy bed too." Adam couldn't miss the opportunity to poke at the Devil's swollen sense of self.
"Well now you and your massive ego can have a nice place to stay." The Devil thought he was being clever, but Adam could tell he was just projecting. "I'll check back in on you later. If you start feeling badly, you have my number."
"I'm fine." Adam attempted to get comfortable once again. Lucifer had really woken him with a start this morning, but he was so fucking tired, as of late, it didn't matter. Every time he got sick, and vomited that awful black goo, he just felt drained for the rest of the day. And he had made the mistake of giving Lucifer a gift for the holiday, so he felt like shit. He should have just wrapped a box with a picture of a middle finger inside. That would have been gift enough. But seeing Lucifer holding the butterfly Azrael had made, seeing him broken like that... it should have felt great. But it didn't. So, Adam had worked to make the plush duck, utilizing his sewing skills from back when he made toys for his sons in their youth. Of course, fabric had come a long way since Adam and Eve had to weave it themselves, but fortunately he had taken some sewing classes in Heaven when Abel had wanted a giant stuffed sheep bigger than he was. The end result had a sheep large enough to be Abel's bed, and he had used it as one for many years.
The thought of his son brought a smile to his lips as he finally started to relax. He could feel Lucifer watching him, probably making sure he wasn't going to leap out of the bed and attack. But Adam really did feel back to normal. Eventually, sleep won out and Adam didn't even hear the Devil take his leave. It was amazing how much better he slept after Lucifer had returned the night before. That existential dread that weighed him down back at the mansion- at least, before he started sharing a room with the Devil- had been creeping back into his brain in the beginning of the night, but it was gone now.
He wasn't sure how long he slept, but Adam was awoken by a single, loud, thud against the door. He blinked, sitting up, wrapped up in his blankets. He squinted at the door in the distance, by now the crimson sun was high enough to be bathing the entire room in light, but it did little to bring warmth to the First Man.
Adam begrudgingly got to his feet, dragging all the blankets with him as he trudged toward the door in question. He wriggled an arm free, turning the handle and swinging it open, before drawing his arm quickly back inside the blankets. Standing at the door, was Lysander in shorts and a T-shirt, sunglasses in his hair and a box tucked under his arm. "Adam! G'mornin', mate!" Adam blinked, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes as he silently judged Lysander's clothing choice.
"If you're looking for Lucifer, he's not in here."
"Uh, no, I knew that. He's off doing something for my auntie. I was looking for you!"
"For me?" Adam was starting to wake up. His cheeks flushed gold as the realization hit him. He tightened the blankets around him, giving Lysander a look of annoyance. "Why would you look for me in Lucifer's room!?" Yes, they had been sharing a room because Adam had almost died in his sleep, but that was supposed to be secret.
"Because you guys share, right?"
"No, we don't! What would give you that idea!?"
"I mean," Lysander's eyes flicked over to the bed behind Adam and the untouched couch in the corner, "you dragged your whole ass bed down the hallway that one time, and there have been two beds in Boss's room ever since."
"What bed? What hallway?" Adam was still quite flustered by the revelation that Lysander knew. He hadn't been around when Adam and the Adam-clones had actually moved the bed. "You didn't see anything."
"I could hear it?" Lysander looked a little confused by Adam's accusations. "Look, mate, I'm just trying to see if you want to play a game with us, I'm really not here to judge."
"What game?" Adam relaxed a bit. "Also, it's not what it looks like, we're just doing this because Lucifer is a little bitch and is afraid of spiders."
"Spiders?"
"Yeah, so you know, he asked me to stay with him because there was a spider in his room, but then it skittered under something and he lost sight of it. And now he's freaked out."
"Right. Do you want to play the game or not?" Lysander didn't seem entirely sold on Adam's spider-story, but the seeds had been planted and that was enough.
"What game?"
"Mammonopoly."
"What's that?"
"It's a board game where you try to own all of Hell and charge other players exorbitant amounts of money until they go broke. It's fun."
"Yeah, okay, I'm in." Adam had only the small grasp of money, given that in Heaven everything was free, and he had died before the concept had really been established. However, he had a paycheck in Hell, and he had used it to buy things in the past. So, he felt as if he had enough of a grasp to win this game. "Let me just get changed."
"You're good. I'll wait." Lysander gave a nod. Adam closed the door behind him as he found the clothes Lucifer had made for him so that he wouldn't freeze in the low temperatures of their current location. He slid the white and gold coat on before shoving his feet in the fur lined boots. Even the gloves were lined with fur, though, Adam didn't feel the need for those quite yet, so he shoved them in his coat pocket. Still, Adam felt more comfortable if he had the blankets as well, especially since he was holding off on the gloves in order to maintain his dexterity, so he wrapped the comforter and heavy blankets around himself and opened the door again.
"Ready!"
"You look cozy." Lysander snorted at bit. "C'mon, I can introduce you to my family." He gestured for Adam to follow him down the hall. "Oh, first, let's invite Virgil."
"Virgil, really?" Adam made a face. It wasn't Lysander's fault that he didn't know the truth behind the handyman. But at the same time, Adam still felt uncomfortable being around the guy who probably would have cut his wings off by now if he hadn't made a deal with Lucifer.
"Yeah, he's part of the staff. I don't want him to feel excluded."
"What about Charlie?" Adam felt the princess would have been a much better gaming companion than Michael anyway, because she wasn't allergic to fun.
"She's packing up to go home. She has something going on at the Hotel."
"Lame."
"Yeah, pretty lame, but I'm not about to say that to a royal's face. So, the Handyman is our last stop." Lysander knocked on the door in front of him. The door opened and Adam wondered if it were just his imagination, or if somehow the air around them had just gotten colder. The First Man could see his own breath despite being indoors. "Virgil! Hey!"
"Hi." Virgil's reply was flat, even for his typically monotone voice. Adam got the feeling that he had missed something rather important.
"We were going to play some Mammonopoly! You want in?" Lysander held up the box under his arm where Adam could finally see it. There was a rather large, jester looking man that he assumed was Mammon, rolling on mountains of money and crushing what looked like Imps underneath him.
"No thank you. I appreciate the invitation, but, sadly, I have some work things that I must tend to." Even the way he spoke made Virgil seem upset, and knowing who Virgil really was, Adam felt himself growing quite concerned. He didn't want Lucifer having his new wings hacked off just yet. Not because he cared, but rather because the Devil had been tragically pathetic while recovering from the Shoggoth attack and Adam really had no desire to listen to him whining again while he waited on him hand and hoof.
"You sure? We're on vacation, after all." Lysander looked a little surprised by the rejection. Adam felt like he had to at least question the behavior.
"Is everything okay?"
"Oh, yeah. Everything is great." The sarcasm was new for Michael. Adam had always been under the impression the Archangels were too good for something as low-brow as sarcasm. (At least, Adam assumed from the heavy inflection that Michael was being sarcastic. Maybe he wasn't.) "Our wonderful King is just off gallivanting around in the living world. We are so lucky he's such an invested monarch."
"Lucifer's in the Living world?" It was Adam's turn to be confused. He looked over at Lysander who was eyeing Michael with concern. The Hellborn noticed Adam's gaze and nodded.
"Oh, yeah, he's looking for the guy who broke into my Grampus's old office. It was a whole thing last night. But Boss Man has it all under control."
"He sure does!" Michael's voice definitely sounded strained. There was no way Adam was imagining it. "I'm sorry. I have to get back to work."
"Yeah, no problem, Virg, we'll uh... we'll catch you next time." Lysander gave a little wave as Michael slammed the door closed. They were silent for a moment before turning to keep walking. "Is it just me, or is there some personal beef between the King and our Handyman?" Adam snorted. He wanted to say: you have no fucking idea but settled on something less implicating for himself and Michael.
"Well, he is a Fallen, maybe they had some kinda history in Heaven."
"Like an ex?" Lysander raised an eyebrow as Adam almost choked on his own breath.
"I- uh-" he stammered trying not to start coughing, "I don't think it's that. Lucifer's a human fucker anyway, he likes 'em bitchy, free spirited, tall, and unholy."
"So more like you?"
"Yes-NO!" Adam realized what Lysander had said a little too late in the conversation. "I'm not unholy I am here because of a paperwork snaffu."
"You're also not tall." Lysander emphasized the point by putting an arm on top of Adam's head. Adam shoved his arm away, his cheeks tinted gold once again.
"I used to be taller, my Angel power let me change my height at will."
"Too bad you got kicked out because of paperwork. I would have thought it would have been all the murder."
"Where are we going to play this game?" Adam didn't like talking about the past. It made him antsy. Now that he knew the Exterminations were one big lie, thinking about them made it feel like the inside of his skin was itching and he could never quite scratch it.
"Oh, the game room back at my place." Lysander seemed willing to drop the subject as he guided Adam outside of Lucifer's winter home. There was a carriage waiting, it looked as if it were made of steel, the horses seemed to be more like wraiths, with no visible legs, and sunken, eyeless faces, icicles dripping from their gaping maws. Their breath was visible in the frigid air. The driver seemed to be another one of the icy Hellborn like Lysander's family. Adam hesitated, but followed the security intern into the coach, which took them both back to the Krampsion. Lysander led him through the long, pale blue halls. Eventually he pushed open a pair of large doors and Adam saw Lysander's father and Uncle deep in conversation off to the side in a large arcade looking room, there was another Hellborn who looked a little like Lysander who was talking with Syn, and what Adam assumed to be a Sinner standing to the side, palm on his forehead. The possible Sinner was a translucent looking blue color, the skin looked almost as if it were made of gelatin, and Adam could vaguely see the bones of his skull underneath. The First Man could hear some of the conversation between Lysander's father and uncle as they drew close.
"You can't just leave a horse on my third floor. I don't care how well trained he is, he's melting our flooring." Lysander's uncle seemed frustrated.
"He's just hungry, and you know how hard it is to get him back down stairs once he's up." Lysander's father responded with a shrug.
"Well, he can't just stay up there forever! There has to be a plan to-" The uncle seemed to have more to say when the Sinner interrupted.
"We will take the horse back home." He had a heavy accent that didn't match Lysander's father's or his aunt's. "Isn't that right, milyy?"
"If we take Demetrius back home then who is going to guard the office doors?" Lysander's father protested. This, most likely, had something to do with the events of the night before, all of which Adam had, apparently, managed to sleep through.
"Our guards." Lysander's uncle pinched the bridge of skin between his eyes, his tail thrashing in annoyance.
"The guards who didn't stop the break-in the first time? I don't fuckin' think so." Lysander's dad crossed his arms when the Sinner moved closer to put a hand on his shoulder. Adam recognized that to be Lysander's other father, his papochka as the Security Intern called him. (Adam wasn't sure if that was his name or not.)
"Guards are fine, let us take Demetrius home. He gets cranky when he is out too long."
"Fine." Lysander's Hellborn father did seem to listen to his husband. "I'll get him back to the house, but if you start Mammonopoly without me-"
"Dad, it's fine." Lysander interrupted the conversation holding the box over his head like a trophy. "You'll just have a disadvantage. Which shouldn't bother you too much because you always cheat. You gonna play, papa?"
"You hold my spot until I get Demitrius back." Lysander's father put both hands on the shoulders of his husband looking him dead in his large, blue eyes. "Take everything from them, and take no prisoners."
"Of course." The Sinner turned back to Lysander. "I am playing till your father returns." Lysander grinned, grabbing Adam by the shoulders and shoving him forward.
"Papa, this is Adam, the chef. He helped me sneak in the new popcorn machine to the movie theater last week."
"Ah, Adam, I have heard much about you from Sander. I am his father; you may call me Yuri." The Sinner offered his hand to Adam who hesitated, looking at the gelatinous texture of his skin, but decided to take it, anyway. (Lysander was cool for a Hellborn, after all, and Adam had enough enemies as things were. And it probably wasn't the worst idea to be on the good side of a Horseman's family.) The skin felt rather cold and left Adam's hand wet after they shook hands, which wasn't a great feeling in the frigid air.
"Abdiel." Lysander's other father took Adam's hand (which was just hovering in the air as he wasn't sure if wiping it would be rude) and shook it. "We met before, briefly, after our eleven o'clock meeting with your boss."
"Oh yeah, I remember you." Adam put his hand behind him when Abdiel let go, and wiped it on his coat before putting the gloves on. Thank fuck Lucifer had made some for him. "You rode a horse through our window."
"Yeah, that sounds like me." Abdiel laughed; his tail smacked the ground behind him playfully. "And I'm about to do it again!" He turned on his heel heading toward the doors from which Adam and Lysander had just entered.
"Wait, what?" Lysander's uncle did a double take as Abdiel walked past. "Abi! Wait! No! Those are expensive-" He hurried after him and it wasn't long before Adam could no longer hear the conversation. It was nice to know that riding a horse through windows was just a quirk Lysander's father seemed to have, and wasn't a personal attack on Lucifer and his (clearly tacky) decorative tastes.
"Ah well, that'll probably all sort itself out." Lysander watched the doors swing shut for a moment before turning back to Adam. "Let's get this game started!" He walked over to the table where Syn was sitting with the Hellborn.
"ADAM JUST ADAM!"
"Hey Syn." Adam smiled a bit at her enthusiasm as he carefully sat so all his blankets were wrapped firmly around him without compromising his arm movements. Syn flew up and immediately started trying to burrow in the blankets with him. "Ah! Syn! No!" Adam had not anticipated that. "You're cold!" Syn was at least in some part metal, and when she touched him, it was like an icicle slapping his cheek.
"I will fix that!" Suddenly, Syn's little torso took on a reddish glow and Adam felt warmth emanate from her core.
"Wait, do you have a heater? Shit, get on in here!" Adam immediately stopped his struggle at the revelation. He moved the blankets so Syn could wiggle in, cuddled up beside his cheek, sitting comfortably on his shoulder. The warmth was nice.
"So, you're Adam! I've heard a lot about you." The Hellborn to whom Syn had been talking, smirked in amusement at Adam's blanket mountain.
"Like what?" Adam wasn't sure what sources this stranger had in regard to Adam's complex and quite frankly wonderful personality. The Hellborn shrugged.
"Like Syn got her eyes from you."
"What?" Adam blinked. Was Syn like his daughter? Was this genetics? Or had Syn stolen a pair of eyes from Adam. Adam himself only had one eye in his Sinner form so he really couldn't afford to lose the other. He looked down at Syn who rotated so she was staring directly back up at him. "Oh, you mean the googly eyes." The realization clicked the moment Adam stared into those wiggly, plastic orbs. "Yeah, I gave her those ages ago." He was, honestly, surprised they had stuck around this long. It wasn't like googly eyes were known for their durability.
"And I love them!"
"Adam," Lysander pulled the chair out beside Adam, twirling it before taking a seat and dropping his game on the table. "Meet my cousin, Tom." He gestured to the other Hellborn who gave a little wave in greeting.
"Tom?" Adam repeated the name.
"Yep, short for Tomparahk the Gruesome." Tom replied with a grin. Adam immediately perked up at the revelation.
"Oh shit, really?"
"Nah mate, it's short for Thomas." Tom let out a laugh as he and Lysander high-fived each other from across the table. Lysander put an arm around Adam's shoulders.
"Sorry, we can't all be named Zanthar the Destroyer."
"I went to school with a Zanthar the Destroyer." Tom piped up. Adam narrowed his eyes skeptically at the other Hellborn.
"I don't believe you."
"He's tellin' the truth this time, mate." Lysander confirmed. "I remember Zanthar, I think he's an accountant now." He released his grip on Adam. "All right! Who is ready to play some Mammonopoly!?" He returned his focus to the game. "We gotta get this started before dad gets back. I need a head start if I'm going to beat him."
"It is true, your father has been called Conquest by many." Yuri seemed rather amused by Lysander's determination.
"The rules are simple! Gather as much money as you can, cheating and stealing are encouraged, and anything you do at the expense of your friends is a bonus!" Lysander's explanation of the rules wasn't supremely helpful.
"I am going to destroy each and every one of you."
"Might be hard for you to play without hands little one." Yuri seemed to think Syn was a child. (Lucifer had said she was only a few years old.) Though, Adam suspected that would lead him to underestimate her in the game. Syn could be conniving when she wanted to be. (He had learned that from the sniper fake-out.)
"Will someone play for me?"
"I will." Adam had no knowledge of the game prior to this. He felt as if he were already playing at a disadvantage. Maybe teaming up with Syn would give him an edge. He really didn't have the best grasp on money.
"HURRAY!" Syn's lights flared up in an array of colors. Adam was just happy to keep her close after the discovery of her heating function. "We are going to crush them." Her Lights went pink, then red. Lysander blinked.
"I'm a little intimidated." There was a sound from above them that sounded suspiciously similar to the last time Adam had listened to a Hell-Horse jump out of a window. Lysander quickly started handing out fake bits of paper money with the green, jester guy giving the middle finger on every piece. "Right, let's get started!"
The game itself was... something else. There was a lot of back stabbing involved. Especially, after Lysander's father the Horseman took over for the Sinner. Tom and Lysander were having to try to join forces to stop Abdiel from taking them both out of the game. Syn was more underhanded than Adam realized, as she had successfully guided him to stealing at least three of Abdiel's properties while he was focused on destroying his son. He had also filed a law suit, which was apparently something he could do in the game.
"Ah damn, I got stabbed in a back alley." Lysander groaned as he looked at the card he had just drawn.
"That's rough, cuz." Tom sighed looking at his own cards. "I'd help, but I am still dealing with the loan shark who has my family hostage."
"That is gonna cost you dearly, son." Abdiel patted his arm. "I'll miss you. But I'm not paying your medical expenses."
"Papa, are you going to let him do this to me? Your only son?" Lysander tried to bring his other father into the mix. Yuri was sitting off to the side reading a book, seemingly enjoying the chaotic nature of the game from a distance.
"Sorry moj mal'chik, I can't pick sides."
"Don't involve your papa, I don't want him to witness your demise." Abdiel patted squeezed his son's arm, empathetically. "You can try and collect $200 dollery-doosv from the peons by passing go, but you might not make it there."
"You will need your father to bail you out of all that medical debt. Too bad he is suffering from a political scandal." Syn sounded like the villain from one of those TV shows that Lysander liked to watch. She was all but cackling evilly from her spot on Adam's shoulder. Abdiel, Lysander, and Tom all stared at her. "Pssst," She lowered her volume and gently nudged Adam's cheek with the top of her cylinder, "play the card we got that I told you to tuck away until the time was right."
"Oh, right." Adam fished for where he had stored the card in his coat. (The last time he had placed a card on the table, Tom had stolen it, and Lysander would peek at the cards in his hand by shifting his third eye onto his tail and holding it behind Adam's head.) He found it, and played it face up on the table. "You've been caught by the media in a scandal pay the bribes, or donate twenty thousand to charity."
"Wait, who gets the bribes?" Abdiel grabbed the card looking at it for himself. "Aw are you fucking kidding me!? All of you get the cash?"
"SYN! You kept us in the game!" Lysander looked rather pleased as Abdiel started gathering paper money to hand to each of the players. "You're the best!"
"You owe me your life."
"Wow, she is a little scarier than I was expecting." Tom looked over at Lysander as he took the money from Abdiel.
"She gets competitive. I knew that." Lysander took his share as well. "I just didn't think she's be so well versed in the rules of Mammonopoly."
"I downloaded the rulebook before we started!"
"I am glad I teamed up with you." Adam snorted as he took the money as well, placing it where Syn could keep an eye on it.
"You are a good meat puppet."
"Umm..." The First Man squinted at the tiny tycoon on his shoulder. "Thank you? I think?" Was that Syn's attempt at trash talk?
"Oh fuck," Abdiel spoke up, drawing attention to himself. He wasn't looking at his slowly dwindling pile of fake money, he was looking instead at his phone. His expression seemed to be one of genuine concern. "That is not good." He started to get to his feet. "Sorry kiddo, I actually have to go... something came up."
"Dad?" Lysander looked surprised. "Are you just trying to piss off because you might lose?" He grinned, but Abdiel's face remained stoic. Lysander's expression started to fall at the lack of a reaction.
"Is everything okay, milyy?" Yuri also looked taken aback by the sudden urgency in Abdiel's voice. The Hellborn hadn't taken his eyes off his phone.
"I fucking hope it will be." Abdiel was heading toward the door. "Stay here. I'll come back for both of you if things get worse."
"What's he talking about?" Adam didn't like how serious the air in the room had become. He felt cold despite Syn's warmth.
"I don't know..." Lysander went to stand but Yuri shook his head.
"Your father said stay put."
"Did something happen to the horse or...?" Adam looked around the room trying to figure out why everything had suddenly become very tense.
"He is just mad that he was losing."
"Sounds about right." Lysander grinned at Syn, but Adam couldn't shake the feeling that the smile lacked its usual carefree enthusiasm.
"Now... what?" Adam looked around the table. No one seemed to really be moving and the jovial atmosphere had been virtually strangled out if the room.
"I've got eggnog." Tom pulled a rather large jug out from under his chair and put it on the table. Adam wasn't sure if it had been there the entire time they were playing, or if Tom had some sort of weird eggnog manifesting ability that was specific to him. (It sounded like something a Krampus could do.)
"Is there booze in it?" Lysander looked interested. Tom gave a nod.
"Of course."
"Yeah, gimme some of that." Lysander nodded as Tom reached under his chair again and started pulling out glasses. Adam couldn't resist, he scooted his chair back so he could look under the table, he was trying to be subtle, but when he was more blanket than man, it was a little difficult to have muted movements. There was a big brown bag under the chair, but it looked empty, though every time Tom reached in it, he pulled out another glass.
"You want some, Adam?"
"I do!"
"You're too young to drink, Syn." Lysander shook his head at Syn's interjection. Adam wouldn't mind a little alcohol to warm him up, and maybe take the edge off. He just felt... uneasy.
"Yeah, gimme some."
"Awww, I feel left out."
"Here," Tom reached under his seat again and pulled out a second jug, opening it, and pouring out a glass. "Nonalcoholic." He pushed the glass toward Syn.
"Hurray!" Syn floated over to sit on top of the glass like a weirdly shaped bird on her nest. Adam was quite disappointed to lose his space heater.
Adam didn't have too many drinks; he didn't want to be completely useless in case something happened. He wasn't sure what was going to happen, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Then again... the eggnog was good, so he poured a second glass. Instinctively, he kept scratching at his neck where the invisible collar of the chain that linked him to Lucifer would have been attached.
"You doing okay, mate?" Lysander slid him another glass. The Hellborn had definitely thrown back a few drinks, though he and Tom seemed to be neck and neck for drinking the most.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just..." Adam scratched at his neck again and Lysander rested his tail on Adam's hand, pushing it back down to stop him.
"Careful, you'll draw blood at this rate."
"Sorry." Adam didn't need to drip Corrupted blood on the expensive table of a random high-up Hellborn. That was certainly a way to ruin Christmas- or Sinsmas- or whatever. Lysander had no idea how bad it would be. "I just... everything feels really uneasy since your dad left."
"Well yeah, he's a Horseman of the fucking Apocalypse, my dude." Lysander laughed but there wasn't a lot of humor in it. "When he gets a work call like this, it can be kind of a mood killer."
"It has happened before." Yuri spoke up, taking a swig from his own glass. Adam could almost see the liquid moving from his mouth into his throat. "Back in 2000."
"And 2012." Tom added as he downed the rest of his drink, head thrown back. Adam stared at his own eggnog. He was only one his third glass, and he still had most of it. Once the initial warmth of the alcohol wore off, he just felt colder. He looked over toward Lysander.
"Is Lucifer okay?"
"I would assume so? He's pretty much the most powerful thing here so if he's not we're kinda fucked." Lysander lifted his tail off of Adam's hand. "But he's in the Living World so there isn't much there that could do anything to him. He's probably safer there than he is here where Heaven can find him."
"Master will be home soon! I know you miss him." Syn flew back to Adam's shoulder and he was pleased to have his space heater back.
"I don't miss him, just to be clear." Adam felt like he had spent a good deal of his day just explaining to his friends- Adam stopped his own thought process as the word slipped into his head. Friends? That must have been the alcohol getting to him. "I did miss him once, but my aim is getting better." Lysander snorted at the horrible joke.
"It's okay to admit you guys are friends, mate. No one gives a shit. In fact, being friend with the King is fucking impressive."
"I don't like him though," Adam wasn't really sure who he was trying to convince at this point. "We hate each other. It's mutual." Lysander sighed, shaking his head and clicking his tongue.
"Look, you may not know this, but things have been a lot better for the Boss Man since you came around. Like I said, I don't think he knew my name for like three years and I used to be his secretary before Syn came around."
"Wait, really?" Adam couldn't imagine Lysander doing Syn's job. Even Syn could barely do Syn's job with how avoidant Lucifer could be.
"Oh, it was a fucking disaster. There's a reason I do security now. But even after Syn came around, I maybe had twelve conversations with the guy? Now he takes us to Lu Lu World and shit." Lysander sounded genuinely pleased by the changes that had taken place since Adam's arrival in Hell.
"He also requires less self-care time!"
"Right, that too." Lysander gave Syn a thumbs up. "All this to say, I don't think the Boss is going to go down without a fight. At least, not anymore."
"Because he has to come back and fight me." Adam did feel a little better. Lucifer was too much of a proud asshole to be killed while Adam still drew breath.
"Dude, you would die if you tried to fight the big guy at full power. You're just a human." Tom spoke up, putting his glass on the table. "You can't even come to Treachery without him. All he would have to do is leave."
"I would find a way." Adam protested. Sure, it was probably a death sentence, but if Lucifer had plans to fight him later, then nothing could happen to him now. "I'll be right back, I gotta show you what I won off that asshole in a bet." The mood was still a little on edge, but Adam was buzzed enough to feel like music would solve that problem. "C'mon Syn." He wasn't about to lose his space heater.
"Hurray!"
"You guys wait here." Adam got to his feet, chugging the rest of his- now third glass- and took his blanket-covered self, down the large halls back toward the exit so he could make his way back to Lucifer's mansion. The coach should still be there, and he would think it would give him a ride back. Syn could probably speak horse if the coachman wasn't there. That seemed like a viable plan. He saw the coach outside, but the horses- or horse-adjacent-beasts were not there. That was a bit of a bummer. "Syn, you can drive a coach, right?" Adam started to try and get the door open.
"I have never tried! But I like to think I can!"
"Awesome." Adam took the reins where the horses would have been hooked up, and did his best to wrap them around Syn as if she were a sled dog. It was a little difficult given that Adam had gloves on, and also, he was still a little tipsy. Those Hellborn knew how to party.
"Sir!" The Coachman came running up as Adam tried to clamber into the coach by crawling through the window when he realized the door was locked. "Please don't do that!"
"I am going to drive!"
"No, no, no, no, no." The Coachman took one look at Syn and started to untie her. "Can I take you somewhere?" He must have recognized Adam from the way in.
"Lucifer's sweet ass winter home." Adam replied from his position hanging halfway out of the stage coach window. "Wait... what am I doing?" He took off his glove and touched the glass, it was so cold it burned the flesh of his palm but it only lasted a second as Adam entered the window's reflection and popped out the other side, face-first into the plush blue seats. The Coachman looked thoroughly unamused by Adam's amazing talents. He was probably just jealous.
"I will take you there... just stay put and don't touch anything."
"I could have done it." Syn flew through the open window and settled herself back in Adam's hood as Adam managed to flip into his back. He might have been a little more than tipsy, he realized, as he stared up at the ceiling and wondered if it was just him, or the ceiling looked a little bit like a swimming pool, except it had no water, it was just blue.
"You totally could have, but, that asshole was worried you'd be too good and then he would lose his job." Adam assured Syn as he chose not to sit up.
"That is fair, I would be very talented."
"I know, you're good at everything." Adam moved his hood so Syn was more or less trapped in it. He didn't want to lose any of her warmth.
"Sir, are you ready to return to the King's winter home?" There was a knock on the window as the Coachman had returned and hooked the scary devil-horses back up.
"Yeah, I need my guitar!" Adam tried to sit up, but failed as he realized he was much happier just lying on his back while the Hellborn did his job. He could get used to this kind of treatment. "You gotta see my guitar, Syn. It's fucking awesome. Lu gave it to me."
"Lu?"
"You know, Lucifer."
"Awwww! Master got you a Sinsmas present after all!"
"Nah, the guitar I won in a bet, because I'm awesome, and not even the Devil stands a chance against my mad powers of prediction." It was more Adam's mad powers of common sense but Syn didn't have to know the details. The important thing was that Adam had a sick guitar made of gold. "I mean, he did give me a gift, I guess..." he thought about the phone call he had gotten from Cain. That had been better than just a guitar. He rolled over onto his side with considerable effort. He could feel the coach moving along the streets of ice and snow. He wondered briefly if he should have stayed in the Krampsion in case the Apocalypse was coming. But it was far too much of a good day for the end of everything. Plus, who ended the world on a Friday? (Or was it Thursday? Either way, it wasn't a fucking Monday and everyone who was anyone knew that Monday had that Apocalypse feel to it.)
The carriage eventually came to a stop and Adam pulled himself into a sitting position. He pressed his face up against the window waiting for the driver to open the door, but he slipped into the reflection, landing on the small bit of his seat that had been reflected in the glass.
"Where are we?" Syn peeked out from inside his hood. Adam looked up; darkness surrounded him outside of the reflected area on which he was laying. Overhead, were pinpricks of light from other, nearby reflections. Adam put his hand against the solid invisible wall before them.
"Don't worry, I got this." He assured Syn as he pushed through the glass and fell on his face back on the seat of the coach. "Ah fuck, I went the wrong way." The door opened and Adam righted himself before stepping onto the step between the stagecoach and the ground, slipping on his blanket and accidentally tumbling on top of the poor employee who was only trying to do his job. What he had done, was successfully stop Adam from having an unhappy collision with the snow. "Good work, Peter." Adam patted the driver's face with his hand.
"My name is Drax'Thar." The driver spit out some fur from Adam's coat that had gotten in his mouth when Adam had fallen on top of him.
"Here," Adam fumbled in his pockets and grabbed a wad of the green paper Syn had him tucking away periodically for: reasons she could not disclose. "Buy yourself something nice." Adam rolled off of the unfortunate Hellborn, and somehow managed to get to his feet.
"This is Mammonopoly money-" the driver also sat up, trying to protest Adam's generous gift. The First Man put a gloved hand over the Hellborn's mouth.
"Shhhh, no more words. Don't spend it all in one place." And with that, Adam made his way to the door. He grabbed the handle and suddenly there was a bright light, like fire, making a symbol on the door. What was that symbol supposed to be? An apple and spaghetti? Weird. The fire traveled up his arm and circled his neck, it surprisingly, didn't burn. Adam blinked as the collar and chain binding him to Lucifer became visible again.
"What's that?" Syn was clearly curious about the green collar as it disappeared again when the fire withdrew. Adam had to think about it for a second.
"It's like a metaph... meta... you know what?" He didn't have to explain this shit. "I'll tell you when you're older." The fire withdrew and the door opened. "It's a very special key."
"Do I get one?"
"No. It's for humans, not for Syns."
"Awww."
"Sorry, thems the rules." Adam wasn't entirely sure what had just happened either but it got him inside where the snow wasn't so he would take it. He closed the door behind him, as he and Syn entered what he assumed to be an mostly empty house. Michael might still be holed up in his room like a nerd. And Charlie... had probably headed out by now. Lysander said she was packing when they left. He made his way through the hallway, only stumbling a perfectly acceptable amount before he found the door and swung it open. "Here we are Syn!"
"This is a closet."
"So, it is." Adam squinted at the door. Whoops. "I just wanted to show you this closet real fast. Look at it. It's a great fucking closet. So much space."
"It is very nice."
"Anyway, the room is this way." Adam went to the next room throwing open the door and wondering when the bedroom had gotten a white tile floor and a toilet in the front and center.
"That is a bathroom."
"Who put a bathroom there?"
"I assume the Master did when he built the house." Syn wriggled free of Adam's hood, flying out into the cold, empty hallway. Adam reached after her.
"No, come back you're warm."
"If you are looking for Master's bedroom where you have your slumber parties, it is this way!" Syn started flying down the hall. Adam chased after her, grabbing her as she stopped outside of a pair of large, ornate doors of white and red. That did look familiar, Adam had to admit.
"You gotta keep the slumber parties a secret." Adam whispered in a hushed voice as he shoved Syn back in his hood. "We don't want people getting jealous."
"Okay!"
"Good, you're a good kid." Adam turned his head and gave the top of the cylinder a little kiss the way he would kiss his sons on the foreheads when they were young. Syn's colors all flared up the way they did when she was particularly happy about something as Adam threw open the door and stumbled into the bedroom. "Welcome, Synthia to my super cool room with a really comfy bed." Adam had to remember where he put the guitar.
"Master and Adam's room."
"Shhhh, it's secret, remember?"
"Affirmative!"
"See? You got this." After a little trial and error, Adam found the golden guitar in the closet. It still looked awesome, though the metal was somewhat cold by this point, Adam could feel it through his gloves. He made his way to the bed where he flopped down, face first.
"Weeeeeee! It is like riding a ride at Lu Lu World!" Syn seemed to appreciate Adam's attempts at moving normally while the floor swam around. She wiggled free of Adam's hood again, landing on top of the stuffed duck that Adam had made that was laying on the bed. "Did Master like the gift you made him?"
"Yeah, he thought it was a super cool gift. Probably the best gift he ever got," Adam assumed he like it, since Lucifer had been all but snuggling it when he tossed Adam to the floor. Syn's wings drooped and her lights turned to blue. "Oh, I mean, except for those sweet drawings he got from you. Those were fucking awesome." Adam quickly doubled back. Syn's lights all turned pink as Adam seemed to have cheered her up.
"You really think so?"
"I know so." Adam managed to get into a sitting position as he strummed the guitar in his arms. "Now get ready to have your socks knocked right off by this sick ass song!"
"I do not have socks."
"Oh shit, you're right." Adam put the guitar down. Syn was absolutely correct. She didn't have socks. That was sad as shit. He got to his feet and fumbled around the room opening drawers until he found one with socks that probably belonged to Lucifer or his bitch of an ex-wife when they used to live there. He grabbed a pair of socks and brought them over, un-rolling them, and taking one in his hand. He stretched the fabric a bit before picking up Syn, and putting her in the black sock. It made it about half way up her cylinder with a little bit of fabric dangling off the bottom. "There were go! Problem solved!"
"HURRAY!"
"Now," Adam got back on the bed, picking the guitar up again. Good thing he had tuned it the night before because there was no fucking way he would be able to do it in his current state. "Are you ready for the best fucking song that Hell ever heard!?" Adam had sung to Charlie a few times, (though she had started it) but the Princess never seemed to appreciate good rock."Let me stop you right there, save us all precious time."
"Okay!" Oh, so, Syn was one of those who thought songs were talking to her. Sugar Tits was like that too up in Heaven. That was why she was never allowed to be in the Exorcist musical numbers.
"If what you're suggesting is letting them climb,
up the ladder or they'd rather
cross the Pearly Gates?
Sorry sweetie but there's no defyin' their fates!
Cause Hell is forever
whether you like it or not!
Had their chance to behave
better now they'll... drink from the pot!?
The rules are black and white;
there's no use in trying to fight it..." Adam trailed off, was this really an appropriate musical number for Syn? No, this was a bit too violent, he thought the boil in the pot line was bad enough to change, the next bit was much worse.
"They're... dancin' for their lives...
Until we...hug 'em again!" There. He fixed it.
"The rules are like you!" Syn's lights had been pulsing to the tune of Adam's guitar playing. He assumed that meant she was enjoying the song.
"Huh?" Adam fumbled with the chords for a second.
"Black and white!"
"Huh... I guess they are." Damn, if that was the entire fucking reason Adam looked like this... he was going to punch someone. He wasn't sure who, probably Lucifer, that asshole found shit like this funny.
"Keep going!"
"Right..." Adam had to be careful with the song.
"Just try and Chillax, babe,
you're wasting your breath.
Are you trying to imply that they don't... wanna be left?
Are they Sinners are they Winners?
Cause it's cut and dry!
Fair is fair! An eye for an eye!" Adam thought about his own missing eye, vaguely wondering if he would look complete different in Hell if he had just chosen different song lyrics.
"And when all's said and done;
there's the question of fun!
And for those of us with the King's Ordainment,
Mammonopoly is entertainment!
Bow-now-now-now-now guitar solo fuck yeah!" Adam started to shred on his guitar, Syn was bouncing along with him in the air.
"Hell is forever whether you like it or not!
Had their chance to behave better
now they'll drink from the pot!
The rules are black and white;
there's no use in trying to fight it.
They're dancin' for their lives
until we hug 'em again!
Fuckin' Hell is forever,
but it's really not that bad!
The King is an asshole,
but he's just kinda sad.
Long as I've got your attention,
I guess I should prolly mention
that we've made the determination.
That this was a really fun vacation!
It hasn't been a whole year,
since I fell from on high,
and though I'm stuck with the Devil,
I'm... actually fine..." Adam paused at but at the end, the words tumbling from his mouth surprised him. He was better at improv drunk than he was sober. Because clearly those were just meaningless words.
"AMAZING!" Syn made the sound of applause as all her lights flashed. She did a few flips before settling back on Adam's lap, in front of the guitar. "I am unable to remove my sock. But know it has been blown off!"
"Thank you." Adam could respect her lack of arms in a scenario like this. There was more clapping and Adam squinted at Syn. It sounded like it was coming from the doorway. "Holy shit, Syn, can you throw your voice!?"
"That is not me!"
"Huh?" Adam looked up to see none other than the Archangel Gabriel leaning in the doorway, clapping his hands politely. He had his halos out, though his wings were tucked away. "You visiting Big Blue?" Adam had to admit he was a little confused about why an angel was attending his impromptu song, but at least Gabe enjoyed it?
"Who is Big Blue?"
"Lucifer." Adam had forgotten that Syn was unaware of Michael's presence in the staff. (Probably due to the alcohol). "They call him that because of the Depression."
"Ohhhhhh."
"I'm actually here to get you." Gabriel didn't correct Adam's very smooth recovery (he ALSO didn't stop Adam from making the mistake in the first place, so if Syn found out the secret, they could all agree it was Gabriel's fault.)
"Get me?" Adam blinked.
"Yeah, I have to bring you back to Pride. Both of you, actually. Hi Syn." Gabriel gave a little wave to Syn who was still half in a sock.
"Hello guy who knows the red-haired lady that we hate!"
"Why are you coming to get me?" The First Man squinted at the Messenger, grabbing his guitar and holding it up like a weapon. "Where's Lucifer!?"
"He's fine, he's at the mansion. There was a bit of a scary moment in the Living World, but it's over, everything's fine." Gabriel held up his hands passively.
"Prove it." Adam leaned forward to poke Gabriel in the chest with his guitar, but as it turned out, Gabriel was much further away than he thought, so Adam's attack mostly resulted in the First Man practically throwing himself onto the floor.
"Woah." Gabriel caught him before he smacked his face again. "You're... drunk. Well, that's fun. You guys must have been having a little party! Sorry I'm dragging you away from it all. But you can't cross the barrier without help, and leaving you here alone isn't an option. So, we're going back to Pride! How does that sound?"
"Suspicious." Adam picked the guitar up as Gabriel was setting him back on his feet. "That sounds like a trap."
"It's... not a trap." Gabriel remarked dryly.
"How do I know you're not just going to steal my eye? I only have one Gabriel and you have so many." Adam wasn't sure where Gabriel got all those eyes from, but he couldn't prove that it wasn't through stealing them.
"What?" Gabriel looked confused. Adam stared back up at him with his only good eye, giving up on escape entirely.
"Is the only reason I look like this because I sang a song?"
"Let's get you home." Gabriel picked Adam up off the ground, carrying him bridal style.
"WAIT!" Adam put his hands to Gabriel's chest to stop him. "I need my guitar and Lucifer's duck." He pointed to the bed.
"Well, you are holding your guitar, but I can get the duck." Gabriel picked the stuffed toy off of the bed and placed it on top of Adam. The First Man had made that damned duck with his own two hands and by God the Devil wasn't going to leave it. Syn flew up and landed on Adam's stomach, on top of the duck, as Gabriel opened the door and suddenly Adam found himself in the foyer of the mansion he had been calling home. "I've got Adam and Syn!"
"Oh, that's good," a familiar and gentle voice spoke up. Adam was surprised to see Michael in his angel form standing with Uriel and Raphael like they had just been having a rather in-depth discussion. "Lysander can just get home on his own. But I think it's best for Lucifer that we bring Adam and Syn back."
"Hello scary man from the Fall, Green man, and Red-haired lady we hate!"
"Aww they hate me?" Uriel looked sad.
"They hate everyone." Adam assured her as he wiggled in Gabriel's arms until the tall angel put him back on the ground. The duck fell and Adam had to pick it back up and tuck it under his arm along with the guitar. (Not everyone could make objects appear or disappear at whim.) Syn reoriented so she was on his head.
"Oh, um, Adam, really quick." Michael spoke up. Gabriel quickly sucked in the air through his teeth and was instantly behind Michael, putting an arm on his shoulder.
"Maybe don't, Adam's a little-"
"I hate you." Michael cut Gabriel off as the angel in white had been searching for the right words to describe Adam's condition (sexy. Sexy was always Adam's condition). "I think you are stupid, and I regret seeing you in Heaven."
"Do not be mean to Adam! He makes Master happy!"
"Dude... that's kinda hot." Adam stumbled forward a bit toward Michael. "I like it when you talk down to me-"
"Adam!" Gabriel was instantly behind Adam, pulling him backward as Michael turned a rather bright shade of gold. "I tried to warn you Mike, he's had a bit to drink."
"Oh. Well." Michael seemed thrown off by Adam's response. "It doesn't seem to work anyway. Nothing's happening. I'm so sorry Adam I didn't mean any of that." Adam gave Michael a playful wink.
"Suuuuure you didn't."
"I really didn't." Michael insisted, clearing his throat.
"Hurray you apologized! Now we can hug it out!"
"No, I think we're fine." Michael held up a hand to keep Adam back as if the First Man had some sort of plague. (Which to be fair, he did.)
"So, we can rule out being cruel." Uriel nodded to Raphael who seemed to be taking notes. "So, it must be something else."
"It was a good guess though." Raphael shrugged. "Adam, you should probably hydrate or you are going to feel terrible in the morning. Something with electrolytes, you're probably incredibly dehydrated right now."
"Yeaaaaah." Adam didn't know what this angel meeting was about, but he didn't have enough halos to be included. He only had the one, and currently, it was floating above is head in pieces. Syn was also on his head, but she did not count as a halo. Adam stumbled toward the kitchen. That was where liquid was kept.
"Quack!"
"Quackers!" Adam practically face-planted into the soft yellow feathers. His eyes were tearing up. "I missed you so much my dude."
"Quack quack."
"No! You're drunk." Adam countered.
"Adam requires hydration!"
"Quack." Quackers rolled over to the fridge and opened it, giving Adam a rather bright looking sports drink: Satan's Sporter-Ade. He had drunk it before, after working out. He started chugging, trying, and failing not to spill it on himself.
"All right, Quackerino, let's get COOKING!" Adam threw the empty container in the vague direction of a trash can and started toward the stove only to feel a tugging sensation on the back of his hood as he was lifted off his feet into the air by Quacker's beak.
"Quack. Quack quack quack."
"No! I'm totally fine to cook. I had a drink." Adam insisted.
"Quack."
"Okay! I will man the kitchen and you take him to Master's room where he sleeps!"
"Quack quack quack quack?"
"Negative. Master does not know he is here."
"Quack quack quack quack quack quack?"
"I do not know if he would get him or not."
"Quaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack."
"I know buddy, you can just stay and let me cook." Adam tried to pet him, but Quackers still had him by the hood facing outward. Quackers didn't want to leave the kitchen, but at the same time, he didn't seem as if he wanted Adam to stay. So, he rolled through the double doors, still holding Adam in his beak. "BRO! YOU LEFT THE KITCHEN!? THIS IS SUCH A BIG DAY FOR YOU!" Adam tried to whirl around and hug the duck but Quackers had him tightly.
"Quack quack QUACK quack quack."
"Who taught you those words? What the fuck?" Adam was distracted briefly as the wheels in Quackers retracted and spidery, mechanical legs popped out that allowed Quackers to clamber (or rather skitter) up the stairs toward Lucifer's room. "That is... horrifying. Not gonna lie." Adam was suddenly less proud of the leaving kitchen accomplishment. Quackers went all the way to Lucifer's room before dropping Adam on his ass and pecking at the door.
"Go away!" Lucifer's voice was distinct. Adam would recognize that bitchy whine anywhere. "I don't wanna talk!"
"QUACK!"
"Quackers!?" There was the sound of movement from the other side of the door before Lucifer threw it open to see the fluffy, golden, robotic duck standing in his doorway, Adam sitting in front of him with a guitar and stuffed duck tucked away under his arm. "Adam?" Lucifer looked rough, or maybe he was just ugly. Adam was having trouble remembering, but that was probably from the alcohol. Quackers made a horrible, retching sound and three more, large bottles of Satan's Sporter-Ade Drink came tumbling from his beak. "Gross."
"Quack quack quack quack." And with that, Quackers rolled away.
"What was that about?" Lucifer looked at Adam on the floor.
"Lucifer!" Adam struggled, but managed to get to his feet, shoving the duck into Lucifer's arm. "You forgot my gift you ASSHOLE!"
"I didn't know I was going to end up here." Lucifer closed the door behind Adam, taking the duck and putting it back on his bed. "Things went... really bad at the hotel, Adam, it was... a disaster." He put his face in his hands. "Michael's pissed."
"Michael tried to hit on me." Adam placed his guitar against the wall before deciding to flop on the Devil's bed beside him. "This is so much softer than my bed, what the fuck!?" Lucifer did a double take as he watched Adam.
"A... are you drunk?"
"No." Adam reached up a hand putting it on Lucifer's face. "But I might have had a little special eggnog from Lysander's cousin."
"Goddamnit, Adam, don't drink anything you get from the Hellborn outside of Pride. They have a way higher alcohol tolerance than humans do. That eggnog probably had four times the amount of alcohol that you're accustomed to! How much did you drink?"
"Just like... three glasses."
"You're fucking shitfaced." Lucifer looked for a moment like he was going to say more, but instead, he started to laugh. Adam laughed too, he wasn't sure why they were laughing, but he didn't want to be left out.
"Hey," Adam struggled to sit up, using Lucifer to pull himself off the bed, leaning heavily on the other for support. "I'm sorry Mikey's mad at you. You want me to fight him?"
"No, God no. He could kill you." Lucifer tried to push Adam off of him, but the First Man wasn't moving. "He... has a right to be mad."
"Because he's no fun?"
"No, I mean," Lucifer snorted, "yes, but... I sort of... messed things up. Like... really messed things up. Uriel almost got hurt."
"Well, that's not surprising. Fucking shit up is kinda your whole brand."
"Wow, thanks, dickhole."
"Shhh," Adam rubbed his hand against Lucifer's face. "Lemme finish-" He stopped himself, snickering, "heh... finish."
"Okay, Adam-"
"No no no no, shhhh." Adam resisted as Lucifer tried to push him off again. "You fuck shit up, but like... you're also trying to make things better, right? That's new for you... fixing things, I mean. So obviously you're gonna fuck it up a lot at first, but over time... you'll get better, then you won't be such a disaster." He put his hand down, his head resting on the Devil's shoulder to stop the world from spinning. "You're making me better, aren't you?"
"Shut up." Lucifer's face went bright gold as he shoved Adam off of him completely. "You need to get to bed, dumbass."
"I want this bed."
"No. We're not doing that again." Lucifer picked Adam up in his arms and unceremoniously dropped him on his own bed.
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you too." Lucifer sat on his own bed once again. Adam could see the Devil gazing down at him. "And Adam?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."