Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of the witcher. Those are property of Mr Sapkowski and I using Netflix series canon mixed with the books and my twisted version of the lore.

Warnings : corpse, mourning issues, ptsd (light for the moment), angst, Geralt emotion whump.

Notes :

Oh hello hello hello ! Did you miss me ? 😅

So I am back. I took a lot of time to write this short story. I had a lot of difficulties to find Ciri's voice in me through the lens of Geralt. Also, I am working of the voices of the other witchers for the next instalment. I have found my Coen but not my Lambert yet. Also I had other stories to push out of my system too and they are also in the queue. Life is busy at the moment lol.

Anyway. We are now on the road to Kaer Morhen and on our way to the first stop, following S2 events. I am departing from the books a fair bit too and made my own thing to help Geralt taking a turn that I found hard to believe in the show. Of course I am a little devil so it won't be soft.

Beauty and the beast - part 1

Move

###

Geralt thought Ciri was a strong young girl despite all the odds. She cried just once - when they found each other - but she was holding back a lot now. He could see in her eyes the fear - a lot of fear. Not toward him though, as he would have expected, but toward her recent past. What had she been through ? He felt guilty. Guilty to have run away for so long. Yet as always, he kept his feelings inside.

- "Come with me." He said gently. She nodded and walked by his side.

Geralt was observing her from the corner of his eyes, trying to learn a lot without having to engage in a conversation. He was not ready for that yet. The girl seemed malnourished but nothing irreversible. She had been in the wild since the fall of Cintra - ten or eleven days ago - and she probably didn't have enough to eat since. Other than that she seemed physically unharmed. For her mind it could be another story though.

They moved back to Roach in silence. Geralt was not fully realising what was happening. His hallucinatory night was sticking to his skin while fulfilling Destiny's plan. Ciri was here and he had no idea how to act properly. The only thing he knew was that he had to protect her. But his mind was drifting toward the hills of Sodden… So much that he had an anxious pit forming in his stomach.

He helped the girl get on the mare's back and led them where his heart laid. He forced himself to walk next to the animal. His leg was still killing him but he felt the need to be grounded for what he was about to discover.

- "Where do we go ?" Ciri asked.

- "I have to see something by myself first but we will go north to where my brothers live after that."

- "Ok… Are we gonna see Yennefer first ?"

She was perceptive. She was intelligent. And she already figured it out. Of course, that question poked a sensitive string in him and he hid it, even if this was unnecessary.

- "I hope." He replied then.

###

The Sodden hills were unrecognizable. They shouldn't be there. Ciri was just a child in his eyes and there were so many corpses around, barely hidden by a thin layer of fog. But he needed to know.

It was so cold here, he thought, and it was snowing a bit. The air was full of residual chaos. His medallion was vibrating constantly. Was it possible that his dream was real ? The remains of Nilfgaardian's death machines were still smoking where they burnt and whoever was in there melted with the metallic carcasses. There so many Nilfgaardians… But he recognised other kingdoms features too. There were Aedirn and Temerian's soldiers here.

All these destruction and losses were hard to take and feeding his latent angst, but soon enough his heart twisted painfully in his chest. In the distance, someone was yelling in the silence of the death field. It was a women and she was yelling her name. She was calling for Yennefer.

He followed the voice to the edge of the forest.

Emerging from the fog was a petite feminine figure. This was Tissaia - Yennefer's mentor - in a deep shock state. He recognised her - he saw her a few times during his days with his tempestuous sorceress - but the strict woman was a mess. Probably wounded and an emotional wrech. He asked Ciri to stay where she was on Roach and joined the woman.

- "Where is Yennefer ?" He asked when her tired eyes fell on him.

The sorceress didn't reply at first. She seemed to fight the tears with all her remaining strength. She kneeled by a soldier's corpse, put her hand on his head and closed her eyes for a few seconds. She shivered and suppressed a painful moan, before slowly getting up.

- "I am searching for her too." She finally said. "One of those must have seen her…"

- "What happened ?"

The sorceress looked behind him, to Ciri on his horse. For a brief moment, Tissaia seemed to focus and understand who he was.

- "She happened. She manifested an extraordinary power. She burned half of the army alone, giving the allies the time to arrive. Without her we would have lost."

Geralt felt suddenly totally empty. He clearly remembered having visions of Yennefer screaming and channelling fire. He knew why fire magic was forbidden and he didn't need more to understand that there was nothing left of her to search for. Yennefer's death was a knife in his heart and soul. On the mountain, he believed he felt the worst pain he could experience in his life. But this was even beyond. Because now there was no turning back. She wasn't there anymore and this was definitive. He was experiencing an impossible reality and he had to live through it now.

- "Was it worth it ?" He growled at the petite woman.

She couldn't say a word. She was shivering, she was lost. And he couldn't care less what her torment was. It was just feeding his. Tissaia was in denial. He would not. The love of his life was death, consumed by chaos. This was it. He wanted to cry and scream. Inside of him there was a storm. Pain had ripped his heart open and had unleashed a maelstrom of emotions. He couldn't name them all. And sadness was just a pale word to describe what he was feeling.

He turned his back to the sorceress and got to his Child Surprise. She needed him. He had to focus. Only that mattered now. As they resumed their journey, he heard Ciri ask him discreetly :

- "Who was Yennefer ?"

- "It doesn't matter anymore." He said with all the composure he could summon to hide the pain.

###

They kept moving and it felt right. They would go to the Kaer Morhen and everything would be fine. He would build back his emotional walls, forget about the last twenty odd years, and fulfill whatever he had to. Protecting Ciri was something he could imagine himself doing. Healing for a lost love he couldn't.

Leave the world behind. Leave this twisted version of himself behind…

They walked out of the field slowly. They were not noticed. They were not followed. Except for a familiar silhouette. The ghost of Jaskier was walking not far from him, but Geralt ignored him. He knew this was not real now. He was just an illusion sent by things outside the world through the monoliths.

His friend finally faded away when they reached another forest. Geralt knew where they were. He walked this path many times in his life. This was one of the secret witcher ways, following none of the humans roads and letting the wild hide they tracks. He knew there was no dark stone for miles and miles around… Nothing to project his friend's to him really. Geralt knew what he was feeling, what he needed right now. He knew what would have happened not so long ago, even if his friend hated Yennefer and probably even after what he did to him. But the easiest way was to refuse to acknowledge the possibility that he was in a deep shock also and needed emotional comfort so that he probably simply daydreamed for a few minutes the one who could provide this support.

When the ghost vanished, for a moment, tears watered his eyes. He didn't let the girl see and he silenced his shaking breaths. He had to move forward and not look back. He had to move forward and...

###

The old Roach was a strong lady and their best asset. Geralt could take narrow accidented paths or cut through the woods. He could stay away from the main cities and the madness of war roaming on they tail. He tried to give the mare enough rest at night to push her during the day, but for this first leg of their journey this was a very hard balance to keep and he could sense the animal's strain growing. He didn't sleep much either as his Child Surprise couldn't take her turn of surveillance. He was feeling the need to rest but he didn't let himself go. His rare dreams were painful, full of his losses and the horrors he went through. It was the same for the girl, he could tell. But she was copying differently.

Ciri wasn't speaking much during the day but she seemed to feel safe and confortable with him. She was also very curious about him. Often after he went to hunt and collect some things to eat, she stayed up late at night, asking him things about the witchers and his skills. Geralt understood quickly that she was trying to avoid falling asleep too, waiting until she was beyond exhausted.

Soon they reached some very wild lands and he had to fight their way through some monsters territories. To his surprise, Ciri began to be curious about his weapons and combat skills, asking if she could learn to fight like him. He didn't want to encourage her in that way but he shared a bit of knowledge with her nonetheless, only vague theorical things.

On his side, the pain didn't fade - Yennefer's death was a blow that would take time to recover from, if that was even possible - but the life on the road and having to take care of the girl were keeping his mind busy. And the thin bond they were building through her curiosity was nice. It reminded him of the good days of early Jaskier, when everything was easy.

###

After two weeks they had reached the Redanian borders, following the Pontar river from afar. They crossed at Piana on an old bridge, near Murivel - a city he had history with from a long time ago. He had some connection with a human lord here. Many years ago, he had accepted a rather strange mission which implied his son, Nivellen, with whom he became friend - if that could be called that way. The young man should be the lord himself by now.

The weather deteriorated a lot and a whiff of winter caught them out of guard. Geralt struggled to find a good shelter and they had an awful night.

The next day they pushed more to the North but the temperature was becoming critical for them. Geralt felt like this was again a sign of Destiny that they were that particular city. He didn't want to reconnect with Nivellen - without knowing particularly why - but he learned the hardest way that he shouldn't fight too much those kind of things.

###

They arrived at Murivel at the end of the day and what they saw troubled Geralt greatly.

The town was deserted but seemed to still work on automatic. The signalisation was still functional, some shops had lights on, but all the people had vanished. There were no corpses and almost no trace of fight, almost no car in the streets. People had just flown away.

- "What happened here, Geralt ?" Asked Ciri, sitting on Roach as they took the silent and empty main street.

- "I don't know…" He replied.

- "Do you think this is Nilfgaard ?" There was a hint of panic in her voice.

- "I don't think so. The war is behind us. We are running away from it. This is something else. And it seems to happen before Sodden." He said looking a wet and durty newspaper on the ground. The date was from the month before. "I know someone living a little bit outside in the hills over there." He pointed to the woody reliefs they could see over the buildings. "Whether he is still there or not, we will have a roof for a few days. We need a little bit of rest. Roach cannot continue that way. And I need to take care of my wounds also. My metabolism has cleared all the poison and I know that my flesh is healing well but it still hurts a lot. I need to take care of that if I want to be efficient."

Ciri nodded and smiled. She always seemed very interested in what he had to say about his biology as a mutant. This felt weird to him, but this was a subject he didn't fear to talk about. He dreaded the "emotions and feelings" conversations. But fortunately - or unfortunately - the girl and him were on the same page on that matter. They tried their best to block everything.

They walked past a multimedia shop that had been partially vandalised but the facade was intact and there were some tellies still functioning, turned their way. The news were on. There was no sound but Geralt could partially read the lips of the host and there was that red band with rotating short news underneath.

He stayed there a moment trying to get all the information he could about the situation of the world. Ciri got down Roach and stuck to his side, trying to do the same. The war images in the background behind the host were reviving painful memories to her. But she was brave and never looked away, even if she seemed quite overwhelmed.

- "Geralt, what does it say ?"

- "The Nilfgaardian's army has taken Cintra entirely now." Ciri muffled a cry of sorrow but listened to the next part. "New alliances are made between the northern kingdoms. Redania and Temeria have begun massive racial cleansings…" He stopped when the pictures of Bleobheris in flames appeared on the background.

- "What is it ?" She asked noticing probably an emotion he couldn't hide.

He couldn't reply as a video showing Jaskier took the left part of the screen. He had changed a lot since he last saw him. Longer and dishevelled hair, growing beard, hollow eyes. He was clearly hurt and in deep shock in the hands of a rescue team. Geralt barely read the words on the woman's lips on the right. His eyes were glued to his friend's footage.

- "Famous… miraculously survived… raid... Temeria army… hospital…" He said with a hollow voice.

- "What ? Who ? That man ? Is it…" Ciri was looking at him worryingly.

- "His name is Jaskier." He explained. "He is a f… very renowned singer. What happened at Bleobheris is awful... it was a sacred and neutral place. I was there not so long ago. Temeria broke a millennial old owth with this..."

Geralt tried to focus on the political part to avoid thinking about the consequences for his friend. He couldn't accept what he had seen. He couldn't accept the reality, right now. This was almost like in his nightmares. Twice he had been informed his old friend could died. Twice he miraculously survived… Twice he was sent to hospital… Twice Geralt blocked the feelings. Twice he forced himself to believe he would be ok. Because he had to be. But this time was harder. After Yennefer's death, he was raw. Everything was more painful… But shutting things down was the easiest way. Always. And he had to for Ciri. He couldn't afford to be crumbling under his own pain. She needed him strong.

- "Let's go, let's find a place to sleep tonight." He finally said.

Ciri nodded and they moved forward.

Around them, the city's lights blinked on progressively as the sun disappeared under the horizon and the fire in the sky turn slowly dark blue.

###

In his back, the screen changed to the host's side to show a blonde woman he once briefly fell in love with. He will never know the tragic events attached to her.

This is the first time Geralt feel the guilt toward Jaskier. But also that he almost accepted that he needs comfort and that his old friend would have been the one he would have turned to. But this is cascading into deep sh.t. See you next week 😈

Also : yeah I had to mention this of course. I am cruel lol