Levi Ackerman and Hachiman Hikigaya – members of the same clan (different branch families) – once took Anya Forger (Loid Forger's daughter) to DestinyLand, an amusement park.

Loid Forger – member of the same clan (different branch family) – told them it would serve as a good bonding trip between the two uncles (Levi and Hachiman) and their niece (Anya).

Levi and Hachiman took what Loid said at face value.

Loid Forger was a psychiatrist, had a beautiful wife and a lovely daughter. In other words, he had his shit together.

Levi Ackerman was an army veteran.

Hachiman Hikigaya was a high school student.

What could possibly go wrong?

Hachiman had an idea.

Anya was a child. She was definitely gonna get the kid's discount.

But what about Levi? He wasn't exactly elderly.

But he was physically scarred and he had lost an eye.

Hachiman was struck with an inspiration.

"Absolutely not!" Levi Ackerman cursed. "No fucking way."

"C'mon Levi. It's just a wheelchair." Hachiman stated. "Specially-abled individuals use it all the time."

"What the fuck are specially-abled individuals. Are you talking about people with powers? Like Titan-shifters?" Levi asked.

"Not exactly." Hachiman went with a different term. "I mean differently-abled individuals."

Levi still didn't get it. "Are you talking about espers?"

Anya panicked. Where did Uncle Levi learn that word? There was no time. She quickly read Uncle Hachi's mind and responded before him. "Uncle Hachi is talking about handicupped people."

"Handicapped." Hachiman corrected.

"Handicapped? You mean disabled." Levi was practically livid. The former soldier stood up, walked towards the brat and then poked him in the chest. Hard. "Do I look disabled to you? Let's go a few rounds in the gym. I bet I can beat the living shit out of you without breaking a sweat. What do you say, brat? Think you can take me on."

Anya got super excited. A fight between her two uncles – that was so cool. "Go get him Uncle Levi!"

"Anya! How could you!?" Hachiman practically cried. "I thought I was your favourite uncle. I brought you a Pan-chan the Panda plushie from DestinyLand."

"So what brat?" Levi scoffed. "I took Anya out for a swing in the city using my ODM gear. Now that's something money can't buy. Didn't you have fun, Anya?"

"That shit was the coolest!" Anya exclaimed.

Levi Ackerman panicked.

"Uh-oh." Hachiman smirked. "Anya used a bad word. I wonder where she learnt that or rather who did she hear using such foul language."

Levi grit his teeth. If Hachiman wasn't family, he would have beat the shit out of him. "Listen hear you -"

"I wonder what Loid would say, hearing his precious daughter use such foul language." Hachiman's smirk only grew more vicious. "I wonder what his wife would say. You know Yor is an impulsive baker. When she gets nervous, she bakes cookies. Have you ever tasted her delicious cookies, Levi?"

Levi grimaced. "I don't eat pieces of shit with my tea."

"Hey! Mama's cookies aren't that bad." Anya protested.

"Oh really? Didn't Loid and Hachiman over hear get food poisoned on Valentine's Day because of over-eating those cookies?" Levi asked rhetorically.

"Mama didn't bake all those cookies." Anya defended her mother. "She had help from Gahama-san."

"Who the fuck is she?" Levi asked.

"Uncle Hachi's girlfriend." Anya said with a shit-eating grin on her face.

"Yuigahama is not on my girlfriend!" Hachiman protested. "Look, we are getting off topic." He looked at the older man. "Here's the deal Levi – if you don't want me to tell Loid that you cursed in front of Anya, going so far as to use the F-word in fact, then you will pretend to be a disabled person and sit in this wheel chair the entire time we are in DestinyLand. Do we have a deal?"

Anya asked the question that was on Levi's mind. "Um, Uncle Hachi, why do you want Uncle Levi to seat in the wheelchair and pretend to be a disabled person?"

Hachiman smiled. "Because I want to avail the specially-abled discount at DestinyLand. Levi is a war veteran and he already has the scars and the blind eye to go with his whole disabled image, but I think putting him in an actual wheelchair will actually sell the fact that he is really a handicapped person. I mean, the staff might overlook the scars and the blind eye, but if you have a guy in a wheelchair, well that is hard to overlook. Don't you agree, Levi?"

"No, I don't" Levi growled. "I didn't live through a never ending war and an extinction level, world ending event, so that you could get some fucking discount at an amusement park."

To this Hachiman said only one thing. "Do you know how much they charge an adult for a ticket at DestinyLand?"

Levi didn't care. It wasn't worth the humiliation. He had some dignity. "I don't care. I have enough money to spare. I won't even make you pay for your own ticket, you brat. Even though at your age Mikasa was considered Humanity's Second Strongest Solider."

"Thanks." Hachiman didn't even look at him. The teenager was busy looking something up on his phone. After he found what he was looking for, he shoved the mobile at Levi's face.

The older man got annoyed. "What the – Get this shit off my face before I shove it down your throat, Hikigaya."

Hachiman ignored the threat. "This is how much an adult ticket costs at DestinyLand."

Levi Ackerman looked at the screen. Fuck. That was a lot. "Wait a second – you are not an adult, are you?"

Hachiman shook his head. "I'm a high schooler, but I have to buy the adult ticket to get into DestinyLand."

"That's bullshit." Levi growled. "You are not even old enough to vote or drink."

Anya nodded. "Uncle Hachi didn't drink milk with his cookies on Valentine's Day. But Anya drank a warm glass of milk today. Does that make Anya older than Uncle Hachi?"

Hachiman looked at the kid. "How did you come to that conclusion?" He asked.

Anya cocked her head to the side. "Cun – what?"

Levi smirked. "Did you just make Anya say the C-word?"

Hachiman gave him a look. "That's a stretch and you know it." He turned back to the kid. "Look Anya, I'm older than you. You call me uncle and I am a lot bigger than you, right?"

Anya wasn't convinced. "But Uncle Hachi is taller than Uncle Levi too. Does that make you the oldest?"

Hachiman smirked cockily. "Well, an argument can be made that I am more mature than your Uncle Levi."

Levi smacked Hachiman in the back of the head. Hard. "Ow! What the hell, Levi! That actually hurt."

"If I really wanted to hurt you, I would have broken both your kneecaps and shoved you onto this wheelchair and then pushed you off a slope." He looked down at the little girl. "Don't listen to this bastard. I'm definitely the oldest. I'm even older than your father."

Anya looked confused. "Even if you are so short?"

Levi Ackerman tried to smile. "Yes."

Hachiman smirked down at him – and for being such an asshole and having such perfect teeth, Levi punched him in the face. Not hard, though. But hard enough. "Ow! Stop hitting me! I'm a kid too you know."

"If you were a kid, then you would have gotten the kid's discount." Levi stated. He eyed the teenager for a second and a thought came to him. "You know, I can dislocate your shoulder and then when we are done with the amusement park, Loid can fix your arm up. Wanna give it a shot?"

Hachiman's eyes widened. "No! Absolutely not." Taking a good look at the former soldier's eyes, he tried to appeal to his more logical side. "I don't think having a dislocated shoulder quite qualifies you as a handicap."

"I can break both your arms and a leg." Levi added. "How does that sound?"

"Quite painful." Hachiman stated. "Please, just stick to my plan, Levi. What good are all those scars and medals if you can't even get some discounts at an amusement park?"

Levi could have argued he hadn't won any medals for his service.

What he lived through, what he survived – it was a different kind of war.

But Levi didn't want to upset Hachiman or Anya.

Despite everything, the two of them were still kids and grew up in a gentler, kinder, more peaceful world. Hachiman had no idea about what hell-on-earth looked like and he was pretty sure Anya didn't even understand the concept of death.

It was not his job to educate them about the cruel realities of life – he had retired from that old life.

He was an uncle now, he had a niece and a couple of asshole cousins.

This was his new life and he was gonna try his best not to fuck it up. "Fine. I will pretend to be disabled and sit on the fucking wheelchair. You," He pointed at his teenage cousin. "Are gonna push me around and take me everywhere I want to go. If I hear you bitch and moan, I'm gonna run you over with my wheelchair. It will be the most embarrassing death in history. Do you accept these terms, Hachiman?"

Hachiman shook the proffered hand. "I accept!"

"Yay!" Anya exclaimed. "Uncle Hachi is gonna be a famous person."

"…Anya, that would mean you wish me death." Hachiman said pitifully

Levi smirked and ruffled Anya's hair a little. "What did you expect? The kid has brains. Unlike some people I know."

"What do you mean?" Hachiman said. "This plan is gonna be a huge success! You will see."

Author's Note: I wanted to write another one-shot but this one got away from me and I think I'm gonna divide this into two more chapters – what happens at the amusement park and what happens after everyone returns from the amusement park AKA the Levi Ackerman and Loid Forger scene.

Betrayed Dreams challenged me to write some comedic one-shots in the style of his Guilty Pleasure series and I think I am able to write comedy, but my stories are not getting the same amount of reviews as his Guilty Pleasure series does.

Am I doing something wrong? Are my stories not funny enough?

And this story can be considered a direct sequel to the last one-shot – The Valentine's Day Chocolate Bet – Please check it out too!

And I will be writing a lot of comedic one-shots in the future as I explore new fandoms like with this one I explored Attack on Titan and Spy x Family and Oregairu.

So I was wondering if I should post this one-shot in one place as a part of a collection or should I post them individually, separately as one-shots.

I think this one is grounds to do a poll –

Poll 1: How do you want me to post my comedic one-shots?

Option 1: Post all one-shots in a single collection – Like Betrayed Dreams's Guilty Pleasure.

Option 2: Post all one-shot as a one-Shot – individually & separately – in the Cross-Over Section.

Thank you for reading!

Good night!