The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters has gone off with Pete. Just some madness from my tiny mind. Takes place the day after my other story The Scarlet Chapeaus Tea Lunch. Pete's in…

A Dilly Of A Pickle

"Well…" Pete remarked as he hung around the kitchen with Trevor, Sasappis and Thorfinn. "Yesterday was interesting."

"Yesterday was nuts," Trevor snickered. "Who knew older women had such wild sex lives? I would have killed if I managed to live past 50!"

"You did so many drugs you couldn't live past thirty," Sasappis snorted.

"Says the guy who didn't even make it to thirty," Trevor gave him a look.

Sasappis grumbled. "You don't have to rub it in."

"I'm just making a point," Trevor told him.

"So…" Pete paused. "What are we doing today?"

"The same thing we do every day since we died," Trevor looked at him. "Absolutely nothing. What's Hetty doing? I saw her and Alberta sneak off after breakfast."

"They're watching Bodices and Barons with Nancy," Sasappis explained. "Isaac is following Sam around again."

"Is it Wednesday already?" Pete asked. "Gosh the days just seem to blend in. Where's Flower?"

"When I last saw her, she was talking to a wall," Trevor sighed. "To invisible gnomes. Probably mice but she thinks they're gnomes."

Thorfinn nodded. "Flower does that from time to time. Keeps her busy."

"And just like that we're back to our boring afterlife," Sasappis sighed. "I guess I'm going to be staring at a tree branch for a few hours. Hoping it falls."

"Branch still there?" Thorfinn asked. "Thorfinn will watch with you for a while."

"There was an extra crack the other day," Sasappis told him. "It's really getting close to falling now."

"Need wind," Thorfinn nodded. "A good wind will make branch fall."

"I think it's supposed to be mild today," Sasappis remarked. "Still worth a few hours. Trevor you in?"

Trevor waved. "As exciting as watching a branch fall sounds, I'll pass. I've got other stuff to do. I could always do some extra reports on the iPad for work."

"Sam and Jay are letting you keep your job?" Pete asked.

"For now," Trevor admitted. "After I agreed to share my salary this month. Well technically it's paying rent so…"

"I'm thinking of visiting Donna," Pete said boldly. "I have to talk it out with her and its past time. I think I need to break up with her."

"Ever since you found out she's a killer," Sasappis added. "Who murdered her husband with a pitchfork."

"Just had to say that didn't you Sass?" Pete looked at him.

Sasappis shrugged. "Gotta admit. It's really juicy. Way juicer than any rumor I've come up with."

"Thank you for that!" Pete snapped. "Look, I really need to clear the air with Donna. Get her side of the story."

"Explain why she killed her husband with a pitchfork?" Trevor asked.

"Yeah, that," Pete winced. "Boy that re-enactment was really graphic."

"Why a pitchfork?" Sasappis asked. "I mean…There are dozens of other ways she could have killed him? But a pitchfork…?"

Pete looked at Sasappis. "I don't know Sass. Maybe because her meat cleaver was getting cleaned?"

"Oh, bring up question in conversation," Thorfinn spoke up. "Thorfinn would like to know answer. Ask how well it handles compared to knife. Obviously pitchfork effective but looks unwieldy. Does Donna have special technique…? What? Is valid question."

Trevor looked at Thorfinn. "Sounds like you and Donna would hit it off."

"Uh Pete might have problem with that," Thorfinn coughed.

"Not as much as Flower," Sasappis pointed out.

"Good point," Thorfinn nodded.

"Anyway…" Pete took a breath. "I think it's time I broke up with Donna. I can't leave her hanging like this. It isn't right. I'm going to ask Sam to drive me to the airport. And write another 500-dollar check. Gosh this is getting expensive."

"Yeah," Trevor gave him a look. "Having Sam and Jay pay for your love life…"

"That makes me sound like a paid boy toy," Pete told him. "I'm just asking Sam to write a few five-hundred-dollar checks so I can visit my girlfriend. And once I had sex with her. Even though I can't ever pay her back. Okay I'm hearing it now."

"Plus, you make her and Jay schlep all the way to the airport," Trevor couldn't resist. "Using their gas. Which you also don't pay for."

"Oh, and you would?" Pete snapped.

"I'm the one with the job," Trevor told him. "I'm pulling my weight here."

"Oh sure!" Pete threw up his hands. "Lord that over me! Great now! I feel guilty about visiting Donna just to break it off with her!"

Sasappis looked at Pete. "You know Sam never actually writes a check to the airport, right? I mean…Paying for a seat so a ghost can fly? Really? She just says that so you won't have a hissy fit over it. You do know that right?"

"I do now," Pete blinked. "Okay…I'm feeling less guilty about travelling."

Thorfinn spoke up. "Thorfinn thought the fact she never said which specific airline she sent check to was big clue."

"Yeah, if he can figure it out…" Trevor began pointing to Thorfinn. "Plus, airline tickets cost a lot more than five hundred dollars nowadays."

"Even on Tuesdays?" Pete asked.

"Even on Tuesdays," Trevor nodded. "International flights can cost up to a thousand dollars. Depending on the airline of course. And if you're paying first class."

"Holy Toledo!" Pete gasped. "Okay now I feel bad about asking Sam to pay. Gosh I'm really being an Imposition Irving, aren't I?"

"Pete if it really bothers you," Sasappis spoke up. "Why don't you pay Trevor in backrubs so he can give money to Sam to pay for gas and the ticket?"

"Why me?" Trevor asked.

"You're the one with the job," Thorfinn told him.

"Fine," Trevor conceded. "I'll give Sam some of my money so Pete can go on his trips. And Pete can pay me in backrubs. With interest."

"Fine! We'll do that!" Pete sighed. "Now I can go see Donna without having a guilty conscience over her paying money."

"You just have to worry about your guilty conscience about breaking up with her," Sasappis added.

"Yeah…" Pete sighed. "That."

"A word of advice," Trevor said. "Find out where the ghost boundary is for Donna. Then as you're breaking up with her…Stand either very close to it or behind it. So, if she attacks you…"

"Pete can run like running from angry bear," Thorfinn added. "Smart."

"I don't think Donna would attack me," Pete rolled his eyes.

Trevor reminded him. "That's probably what Gerald said. You know? Gerald? Her husband? Who she murdered? With a pitchfork!"

Pete sighed. "I admit that's a part of her history I'm having problems with."

"Especially since Gerald looked at lot like you," Sasappis added.

"He didn't look like me," Pete told him.

"Uh nerdy looking, glasses, weird Lego hair?" Trevor gave him a look.

"My hair is not made out of Legos!" Pete snapped. "It's my real hair!"

"I didn't say it was made out of Legos," Trevor corrected. "It just looks like a Lego hairpiece!"

"Well forgive me for having a certain style…" Pete gave Trevor a look.

"And that style is early 1980's plastic minifigure," Trevor smirked.

Sasappis decided he couldn't resist. "You know whose hair isn't real? Alberta's. She's wearing a wig."

"What?" Trevor did a double take.

"Sass…" Pete groaned. "No more of your fake gossip."

"I swear this is true," Sasappis told the others. "Isaac was with me when she was putting it on in her dressing room. Her real hair is underneath. Ask him. He'll tell you. He was drooling over Earl."

"So, Alberta's the one with the fake hairpiece?" Trevor asked. "It looks good on her."

"Funny, wig look good but hat is bad," Thorfinn paused. "Strange."

"It really is a nice wig," Pete remarked. "Frames her face well. Wait we're not talking about Alberta! We're talking about me and Donna. And how I should go and tell her…What am I going to tell her?"

"How about this?" Trevor suggested. "Hey Donna did you know there's a program on TV called Vicious Vixens? And guess what? They did an episode all about you! And how you murdered your husband with a pitchfork. That will break the ice."

"And then Donna will probably break Pete in a fit of rage," Sasappis quipped. "That's probably why Donna is a ghost."

"Yeah, Sass I figured that out!" Pete snapped. "Oh, this is a dilly of a pickle."

"Pete, you know you don't have to go back to St. Lucia, right?" Trevor asked. "Like ever?"

"But if I don't, I'll never get closure with Donna," Pete said.

"And if you do Donna might try and kill you," Sasappis added. "Yeah, go to St. Lucia."

"Pete, you waited this long," Trevor reasoned. "Why not think about it for a little longer? And think about what last words you'd like to say. In case she can kill you."

"True but maybe Donna does have actual feelings for Pete?" Sasappis told him. "It wouldn't be right if you led her on believing you'd come back to her."

"It would be less right if she tried to kill him if he did," Trevor gave him a look. "Pete for all you know Donna's already got her hooks in some other poor schmuck."

"Hey that would be lucky," Sasappis realized. "You go there. Find Donna with another guy. Wish them well. Then before you leave, pull the other guy aside and warn him she's a pitchfork murderer. Then get the hell out of there."

"Now I'm conflicted again," Pete winced. "On the one hand…I need to tell Donna that I have to break up with her. On the other hand…I don't want her to be mad at me. And on the other hand…Uh…"

"The sex was really good, wasn't it?" Trevor asked.

"Legally permissible fireworks good," Pete admitted. "With some sparklers thrown in."

Thorfinn nodded. "Thorfinn can see Pete's point. Danger does add spice to relationship."

"Pete, you don't have to go if you don't feel safe yet," Trevor told him. "Nobody would blame you."

"But he needs the closure Trevor," Sasappis gave him a look. "Right Thor?"

"Thorfinn don't care," Thorfinn grumbled. "Thorfinn already out in betting pool."

"What?" Pete asked.

"Thor…" Sasappis winced.

"Way to go big guy," Trevor groaned.

"What betting pool?" Pete blinked. "Wait a minute? Are you guys betting on if I break up with Donna?"

"No," Trevor admitted. "More like when you'll break up with Donna. If you can hang on for another two weeks…"

"No, you need to go now," Sasappis interrupted. "Within the next three to five days would be good."

"Thorfinn thought you'd break up two weeks ago," Thorfinn grumbled. "Thorfinn out of thirty backrubs!"

"I don't believe this!" Pete shouted.

"In our defense," Sasappis spoke up. "There's really very little going on for us around here."

"We watched two musical productions and had a tea party in less than two weeks!" Pete told him.

"And now we're bored again," Sasappis explained. "And to be fair both musicals were the same show…"

"So, you three are betting on my love life for entertainment?" Pete shouted.

"Not just us," Trevor told him. "Alberta set up the betting pool with us, Isaac, Hetty, Nancy…The Cholera Pit…I think there's a separate one next door with Judy and the ghosts at the Farnsbys."

"I don't believe this!" Pete shouted.

"I know," Trevor shrugged. "We really don't have much of anything else going on around here."

Sasappis explained. "Pete, you remember what it was like having one interesting thing happen and then a whole stretch of nothing? So why don't you go to St. Lucia…"

"I'm not going now Sass!" Pete shouted. "Just curious, are there any other rumors or bets about me you're spreading?"

"Well, no other rumors," Sasappis admitted. "There is a bet going on if your next girlfriend will also be a murderer…"

"YOU GUYS ARE UNBELIEVABLE!" Pete shouted as he stormed through a wall.

"Come on Pete!" Sasappis called out. "It's not like it isn't a possibility!"

"Thanks a lot, Thor," Trevor groaned.

"You really do have a problem keeping a secret, don't you?" Sasappis asked.

"Whoops," Thorfinn winced.

Isaac walked into the kitchen. "What's Pete yelling about? He seems upset. I could hear him from the study where Samantha is pretending to do work and not watching cat videos."

Trevor explained. "He found out that we've been betting on when he'll actually go and see Donna."

"Really?" Isaac blinked. "Wait…Today's Wednesday which means…? YES! I won the side bet! Huzzah! Five hundred backrubs for Higgintoot! How did he find out?"

"Thor blabbed," Sasappis gave Thorfinn a look.

"Oh, I got the bonus bet too!" Isaac grinned. "This is a good day for me!"