Re:Zero as regular isekai anime.
Subaru was walking to an gas station to get a few groceries, which was a potato bag.
As he finished paying for his stuff, he crossed the street-
Suddendly a truck stopped infront of him while he was in the middle of the street
"Ay-ay! Do you think you are free from squashing onto my windshield like a little bitch Subaru?"
Subaru turned to the truck "What"
Truck responded "Well, enough talking-"
The truck's tire screeched as the exhaust pipe spitted flames, and rocketted towards subaru, sending his body into pieces and blood and his mangled body sprangled onto the side walk
"My job done here, now there was that little girl that i need to isekai her ass. Bye subaru!" And truck ran off
Emilia was having a nice walk in the marketplace of Lugunica when suddendly, a man appeared out of existance in weird tracksuit
"Yeah seems normal" she said
Subaru turned to Emilia "Oh hey, are you the girl im suppose to met?"
Emilia then said "Yep, love interest right here." she patted her own chest "Now love me will you? Otherwise there will be no sex"
"And i promise i will be useless and just be there to suck your dick at the end of the story" She winked at him.
Subaru looked around and back at Emilia "Can't we just do it now?"
"Nope! At the end of the story!"
"But-"
"AT THE END OF THE STORY!"
Both walked togheter, and subaru asked questions.
Subaru "So what is this world anyway?"
Emilia responded "Thats a great question my rapey hero, this is a world of magic with dragons, magic, andddddd.. talking cats"
She summoned puck from her necklace "Eyo, im puck, your old perverted cat" he waved at Subaru
Subaru responded "Oh hi old perverted cat."
"So what we do anyway?"
Emilia responded "Oh, you see, i lost an tiny object that will qualify me as the ruler of this nation. And since it was very precious, i put it in my purse, which shouldnt have been stolen, but it did."
"So were going to the guild to make a job offer to find said thing"
At the loothouse, among the stupid slums
Emilia said to subaru "This is the guild"
Subaru looking at the loothouse responded "This looks more like a shack"
Emilia "Well you're right but this is the guild trust me" she shrugged.
Emilia dragged subaru inside.
then subaru asked "So, i need to signup or something?"
Emilia responded "Yep, you gotta throw up blood in this basket"
Subaru recoiled "But why!"
Emilia scowled and grabbed Subaru's head "You gotta throw up blood in this basket because i say so"
"Alright.."
Emilia then grabbed subaru and started to gut punch him for 30 minutes, each stabbing punch to his gut prompted him to vomit blood, in the meanwhile Emilia would say "Oh yeah," "Spit moar blood!" "Do this for my love!"
Finally after 30 minutes, the basket was full of blood.
"Good job subaru"
Emilia casually lifted it up and set it on the table "Is this enough old beggar?" She asked to old man rom
Old man rom inspected the basket with a magnifiyng glass "Hmm.."
"There seem to be missing 00.2 milimeter of blood Emilia, we need just a little bit more"
Emilia's eye widen as a scowl contorted her face, she slowly looked at Subaru, which was folded onto the ground, begging to stop.
Emilia crouched beside's subaru "one more time" she said as her fist raised in the air.
"No, please.."
After 0.02 blood more into the basket, old man rom said "Alright, this is enough. Subaru is officially an adventurer now."
Suddendly someone entered the guild, it was a woman with purple cloak. "Ara ara, looks like someone just joined the guild"
Elsa walked to Subaru, who was laying onto the ground "Looks like the rapey hero is dead, when is there a funeral for him?"
Emilia frowned "He's not dead!" she yelled
Elsa poked Subaru with a stick "He looks pretty dead to me"
Finally Subaru regained concioussness "Oh god, what happened" he said calmly
"You passed out" Elsa and Emilia said to him
Then Elsa picked up Subaru and let him stand up on his own "Anyways, my name is Elsa, im-"
Emilia continued "The greatest bitch in this country. She has a body count of 20000 people"
Subaru snapped to Emilia "20000 people? Why she fucked so many people?"
Emilia and Elsa looked at Subaru, and Elsa spoke "You know she's talking about how many people i killed right?"
Subaru let out a sigh of relieve "Oh thank god, i thought that was your- WAIT THAT'S HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU KILLED?"
Elsa grabbed Subaru, her other hand brushed under his chin as her body pressed to him. Elsa licked her lips "You know, rapey hero, i could be your second love interest"
She unfolded her knife "And if you don't, ill kill you"
"Deal!" Subaru yelled
"Good." Elsa said
"Anyways that was the quest, heres the thing for Emilia to rule this kingdom" She handed him a piece of paper with an image of Emilia's proof of the candidacy to rule
Then someone out of nowhere kicked subaru lightly. "Oy!" She yelled
SUbaru looked down at her "Im Felt, Take me out to cheap dinners and its a deal"
Subaru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose "Alright.."
Subaru, felt, elsa and emilia held hand togheter and skipped towards the next location, while singing "la la la"
At the malgrave mansion they arrived, as the gate opened, two maids stood there, one pink and one blue.
"Hello rapey hero, tiny bitch, biggest bitch, emilia. We welcome you to malgrave mansion" Both the maids said at the same time
Then the pink maid said "For good measure, im gonna use this club to let you in"
THe pink maid jumped in the sky and bonked into unconcioussness all four people
"What we do sister" the blue haired maid asked.
"We cut the rapey hero's balls" The pink haired maid said
"But im best girl, i want to be rapey hero's love interest"
The pink one sighed "Alright, were not cutting the rapey hero's balls."
The blue one carried all four of them and dropped them in the same bed.
Hours passed by and they finally woke up.
Subaru stood up, and looked at the women in his bed "What the hell, did i get drunk and dont remember what happened"
"Nope, sex only at the end of the story" All three women responded in unison
Then someone cleared their throat, it was the blue haired maid "I want to talk to rapey hero"
Emilia then asked "Is it about becoming the rapey hero's love interest?"
Rem nodded, and she stood up "But before that, i want to verify something"
She walked up to subaru and opened his shirt, and she trailed her tounge from his chest to his chin, "Rero rero rero rero" after that, she closed the shirt and backed up "You smell like shit, i lke it, take me out to dinner without my sister and its a deal"
Subaru shrugged "Alright."
Later subaru when into a secret library containing a small loli
"Hi rapey hero, you are so dumb. Can i be your next love interest? In exchange ill suck off your mana and dick"
Subaru gave thumbs up "Alright"
a few months passes by and all four women leave him blue balled for months, before the plot advanced further-
The election of the candidates!
The council said "Candidates! Show yourself!"
Crusch was the first one "Im the next best girl"
Priscilla presented herself "Im gonna be another best girl"
Anastasia presented herself "I don't even exist"
Emilia presented herself "Im gonna be the queen of this realm because im in the same team as the protagonist"
The council said "Excellent candidates, the fifth one wont be showing up because she's being lewded by the rapey hero, so she wont be present."
The crowd and knights nodded and with approving murmur
Then Subaru entered the election from beneath the floor
"Hello hello" subaru said "I am natsuki subaru and im gonna be the greatest knight ever"
there were more approving murmurs
then subaru sank to the ground and dissappeared again
The council said "That was the greatest knight ever, even though we havent seen anything"
As subaru and his harem join the whale battle, Subaru yelled "Abracadabra!"
The whale exploded into million pieces.
Crusch and subaru stood infront of eachother, Crusch then said "This day will not be remembered anyday, anyways, is there more space in your harem?"
Subaru nodded "yep, theres space"
Crusch smiled and said "Then make me in your harem line! You take me out to dinner and expensive dinners and its a deal!"
After a pause, she pointed at Felix "My sex slave, Felix argyle is also gonna join your harem line. he acts as a great fleshlight."
Felix smiled as he put his hands up like a cat "Nyah nyah, please fuck me master" he winked
Subaru smiled and gave thumbs up "Alright! Deal!"
a few months more, they met beetlejuice, he contorted and laughed as his mysterious and EVVVILL cult went on the malgrave lands.
He walked around and met subaru and his huge array of harem.
"Nyohohohohohoohohoho, looks like rapey hero has come to stop me" Beetlejuice said
"Yes. Now can you go fuck yourself" Subaru said
Beetlejuice yelled "OOOOOOOOHHH, why i didnt think of that? Why i needed a woman in my life if i could just fuck myself!"
Subaru raised an eyebrow "wait, i didnt mean-"
"Oh!" He let out an orgasm "Oh yeah, right there." "Hmm, oh yeah.. right there, right there.. Hits the spot.."
As Beetlejuice orgasmed, Subaru turned to his harem "Can we just go home?" to which they nodded
for now i stop lol. End of the chapter.