•This fic is about the events leading up to my other fic Ruins (Ruins can be read as a standalone if this story doesn't interest you.)
•Trigger warning: mentions of depression, self harm, death and drug use.
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Chapter 1: Home
Edward's POV
She was only a few feet away, but I couldn't reach her.
There was a distance that couldn't be measured by the space between us.
At first, I blamed myself for it. I had left her alone; I had done this to us.
But as I sat with it, I realised that wasn't true. Scanning my memories and revisiting conversations we'd had.
This barrier had always been there.
only now it seemed more prominent.
Pulling at the sleeves of her sweater and tugging at her hair, attempting to torture them into submission. Maybe if they'd lay how she wanted, that sharpness would disappear from her eyes.
But her hair never looked the way she wanted. And her sweater was clearly too tight for her comfort, even though it was loose fitting. She sighed heavily at her reflection and dropped her eyes.
It was just a moment. And like most important moments, it went unnoticed by the world.
She cringed. Flinched at the thoughts in her own mind.
Then a forced smile with sad eyes. A lie when asked if she was okay.
I didn't push her any further than that.
Her fingers intertwined with mine and we stepped lightly through her house, leaving it with silence we had crafted.
In the weeks since my return, we had fallen back into the familiar routine. But it felt different, heavier somehow.
I looked at her from the corner of my eye as I drove.
She noticed.
The smile I was offered was enough to have me second guessing my concerns. Was I looking too closely, creating a problem to punish myself further? It wouldn't be the first time.
"Are you alright?" She questioned casually, leading me to smile.
I lightly laughed and shook my head when I noticed her concern mirrored my own.
"I'm fine" I assured her before I stepped from the car and made my way to her door.
"You're quiet." She added as she stumbled to her feet, adding to the countless number of near accidents.
Bracing her arm to steady her, I couldn't help but smile. She sighed and shook her head as she met my eyes.
Her questioning forgotten as we intwined our fingers and walked through the crowded car park toward.
Weaving through the other students towards Bella's "friends".
I often wondered if I'd be blinded to the desire behind Mike's gaze, if I couldn't read his mind. It would certainly make my life easier if I didn't have to hear his constant daydreams about a girl, he knew next to nothing about.
And they didn't know her.
Not really.
I had to remember that when Jessica would begin judging absolutely everything about Bella, right down to the socks she wore.
Even Angela wasn't as she appeared. Most of the time she was genuine and looked at Bella as a close friend. But beyond that, was her desire to please Jessica. It was something she herself couldn't quite understand.
I stood behind her while she talked
I smiled and nodded when necessary.
But beyond that, I stayed quiet. Desperately trying to ignore Mike's thoughts. Trying to block out the ridiculous fantasies he had created.
Her hand found my own. Her fingers curled around mine as she pressed herself against my side.
Silence.
The bell rang, drawing her eyes to mine. For a moment we paused and smiled at each other, even when a gust of wind blew through the courtyard, urging everyone to make their way inside.
I wondered how she could forgive me for leaving her. How she could still look at me like this after everything.
I didn't deserve it.
I knew that now, more than I ever had.
I'd seen her, living like a ghost in their memories. Haunting me every time they recalled the wounds I had inflicted when abandoning her.
It suffocated me. But I didn't dare admit that to anyone.
This was one of the many consequences of my actions.