Title Song: "Let 'Em Talk" by Kesha (yeah, Queen Bee)
Tina's first hour with Alastor's associates was awkward. When Tina tried to make small talk, Niffty would go on a tangent about the best way to get bloodstains out of a carpet, while Husk sat there staring at the floor. Tina figured he was just being shy, when in truth, he was trying not to stare too long at her.
She stirred something in him that wasn't like any other burst of infatuation he'd feel for a beautiful woman. This was unnatural. Like if he didn't reach out and touch her, he would explode. The only thing restraining him was his boss's threat.
Then after a few rounds of poker, Husk's attraction diminished. The dame was still pretty and likeable, in his opinion, but he felt more at ease and in control of himself. He chalked it up to the novelty of seeing a human woman for the first time in fifty years.
Without the lustful haze of the Radio Demon's curse, Husk was able to properly assess Tina's character. She didn't come across as a damsel locked in a tower, but a levelheaded woman completely unbothered by her situation. At least, she hadn't seemed scared of Alastor. Of course, he didn't know if this was how she really felt, or if she was masking her fear.
It was also strange for Husk to be in a human body again. Apparently, the human glamor was as tactile as it was visual. He struggled to hold his cards, not used to having fingers. He noticed Niffty squinting a lot, as if still getting accustomed to two-eyed vision.
"Uh, Niffty?" Husk prompted. "This is the part where you show your cards."
"Oh! Okey-dokey!" Niffty slammed down her cards. "Go Fish!"
Tina raised an eyebrow in Husk's direction.
"My theory is she landed on her head when she fell." He peered at Niffty's cards. "Pair of sixes. Not bad, considering you don't even know what we're playing."
Niffty didn't seem to hear him as she started building a tower out of her poker chips. He set down his hand.
"Four nines. Beat that."
"If you insist." Tina smirked as she revealed an ace, a king, a queen, a jack, and a ten, all in diamonds. "Consider yourself royally flushed."
Husk snapped his fingers in playful defeat.
"Does this mean I win?" Niffty shoveled all the ships into her arms. "Finally! I can buy that deluxe bug zapper I always wanted!"
"Not playing for real money, Niffty," Husk reminded her.
"Maybe we should stop before she robs us blind." Tina scooted her chair back. "It's getting around lunchtime anyway."
She offered to make sandwiches. Husk admitted to liking fish, so she made tuna. They ate in the parlor, since the dining room only had two chairs. Once they were seated on the red velvet couch, Husk finally addressed the elephant in the room.
"So, uh," he broached carefully, "how did a dame like you get mixed up with a demon like Alastor?"
Tina paused with her mouth open over her sandwich. "What do ya mean a 'dame like me?'"
"No offense, but you don't strike me as the type of woman to marry some demon who shows up out of nowhere. You're too…" He gestured to her, searching for the right words. "Sensible."
She huffed. "Honestly, I didn't have much goin' for me back on Earth. This just seemed better than the alternative."
He nodded. "Down on your luck, nothing left to lose, eh? I get that."
After all, that was what had driven him to make a deal with the Radio Demon. He preyed on the desperate and downtrodden.
"What about you two?" Tina asked. "How'd y'all meet Al?"
"Uh…" Husk picked at the crust of his sandwich, wondering how much he'd be allowed to tell.
"He found me in the garbage," Niffty said with her mouth full. "Now I clean for him."
Selective parts of the truth seemed like the best course of action. "Uh, yeah. I used to run a casino but hit a bit of a rough patch, and Alastor, err, helped me out of it."
Tina chewed slower and swallowed. "Did he make deals with y'all too?"
Husk's eyes widened while Niffty chirped, "Yup!"
"That is, uh…" Husk glanced at the deerlike shadow watching them in the corner. "He, uh… It wasn't—"
"I ain't dumb." Tina rolled her eyes. "It's obvious y'all are in some kinda deal with him. What with Al handlin' you, girl, like some kinda pet, and you, Husk, obviously scared of him. Y'all sold your souls to him, right?"
"Uh-huh!" Niffty nodded like it wasn't a big deal.
Husk looked nervously at Chesterfield, whose empty eyes were forming a scowl. "You heard her! We didn't say nothing!"
Tina followed his gaze. Quickly, Chesterfield morphed into its human shape, plastering on an innocent grin.
"Does he have shadow spies on everyone he makes a deal with or am I just special?" she quipped.
"Well, I mean," Husk said with a shrug, "you being his wife automatically makes you special, I guess."
"Yeah, uh…" Tina leaned in, lowering her voice. "I gotta ask. Am I…am I the only wife he has right now?"
His eyebrows raised at the question. "What, you think he has…more than one?"
"Well, I don't know. He says I'm the first woman he's done this with, but how can I tell if a guy like that is lying? For all I know, he's got a whole slew of human women stashed away in their own apartments and that's where he is right now."
Husk and Niffty burst out laughing, the latter spewing crumbs and tuna chunks all over the carpet.
"What? He could."
"Alastor," Husk wheezed, slapping his forehead, "keeping a harem?!"
"That's the silliest thing I ever heard!" Niffty rolled onto her back and kicked her legs. "Sillier than a woman having her own bank account!"
Tina frowned. "Actually, nowadays—"
"Look, kid." As his laughter died down, Husk wiped away a tear. "I don't know how long the boss has kept you down here, but surely you've noticed by now, he ain't exactly the…lustful type."
Tina thought back to her first night with Alastor, and how he'd been surprised to hear her assumption that they'd be consummating their marriage. "I, uh, guess that's true."
"And believe me, I've known Alastor way longer than you have," Husk continued. "Oh, dames and gents will fawn over him in the streets, and he won't offer them so much as a sideways glance. He'd much rather spend the night with a glass of whiskey and a jazz record than with a person in bed."
"Until you came along, of course!" Niffty exclaimed.
Tina blushed, taking a big bite out of her sandwich.
"Yeah," Husk said. "You could imagine our surprise when he told us he had a wife. Let alone a living wife."
"So." She swallowed. "This…isn't a thing he does often?"
Niffty shook her head. "He said he fell in love with you at first sight! That he couldn't wait for you to die! Isn't that romantic?"
"So, he says," Tina murmured as she shoved the last bit of sandwich into her mouth.
Husk tilted his head. "And, uh, out of curiosity, what do you think of him?"
With how candid she was being, he might not even need to break out the alcohol.
She shrugged. "He's okay, I guess."
"'Okay?'" Niffty snorted. "She really just called Alastor the Radio Demon 'okay?'"
"Radio Demon?"
Husk scowled at the disguised demoness. "That's, uh, his nickname down here."
"Oh. Cuz he used to be a famous radio host, right?"
"Err, right."
It seemed Alastor had divulged some information about his past life to Tina, but not the darker aspects. Obviously, she wasn't aware of exactly what he did on his radio show.
"What I mean is," Husk said, glancing warily at Chesterfield, "he, uh, treating you alright? Like he hasn't…hurt you or anything?"
He doubted Alastor would ever go so far as sexual assault, but the man still had a temper. He thought Tina would be hesitant to answer, but she merely shrugged off the question.
"Not really, no." She stared at her right palm. "I mean other than makin' me slice my hand when we made the deal."
"Wait, what?" Now Husk was curious for a different reason. "He had you do what?"
"Cut my hand, then he cut his hand, and we said our marriage vows, I guess. You know, typical weird Satanic stuff." She paused when she noticed both demons staring. "What?"
Even Niffty was quiet as the two of them exchanged looks.
"Oh my gosh." She squealed, clapping her hands. "You two really are married!"
"Huh?" Tina wrinkled her nose.
"What Niffty means is," Husk said, "the whole palm slicing thing isn't typical of soul deals. What exactly did you two say when you shook hands?"
Tina took a moment to recall. "Something 'bout me pledgin' my heart and soul to him in death and in life."
Husk bit his lip. "And…did he say the same thing."
"Not exactly. He pledged his heart and body to me for the rest of eternity." She snorted. "Though I think that last part was cuz he's already dead. Not sure why he pledged his body instead of his soul."
Husk knew, but figured Alastor didn't want to admit to his wife that he didn't own his soul.
"So, he formed a blood bond with you."
"A what?"
"A blood bond. See, if it were just a matter of you selling your soul to him, you would've just shaken hands and that would've been it. But because your blood mixed during the handshake…" Husk's voice quieted. "That's the deepest bond two demons can make. And it's not usually something a demon does twice."
Tina tilted her head. "How come?"
"Well, if he owned your soul, he'd be your master. He could make you do whatever he wanted, and you'd be powerless to fight back." Husk rubbed his neck. "But by forming a blood bond with you, he marked you as his equal. It still binds you to him, but he can't make you do anything."
This threw Tina for a loop. All this time, she'd assumed she'd sold her soul to Alastor. But looking back, other than keeping her under lock and key, he hadn't really forced her into anything. Sure, he'd argued with her over silly things like the TV, but those arguments would usually end with a sort of compromise, not something a slave master would be expected to allow.
"So," Tina said, running a finger over the gem of her ring, "what does it do?"
"When a demon sells their soul," Husk explained, "they pretty much become a piece of property. The blood bond is more…permanent. You can't be traded, bought or stolen. No one can sever the bond, not even Lucifer or the heavenly beings themselves. Only thing that can break it off is if you both agree to it, or if one of you dies in the afterlife."
The different wording of their respective vows made much more sense. Tina had pledged herself to him in life and in death, while Alastor's promise had been for all eternity.
"But if I die as a human…" Tina concluded.
Husk nodded. "You'll end up down here with Alastor. The bond makes it so you can never be truly separated from each other. He will always be able to find you, and you will always be able to find him. Niffty's right. Essentially, you are really married to him. As much as a demon and human can possibly be, anyway. But it's not something all married demons do, because it's so sacred and deep."
"Lucifer and Lilith have a blood bond!" Niffty piped.
"Yeah." He huffed. "And after ten thousand years, they're regretting it."
"Why would…?" Although there was no scar, Tina could still feel the cut on her hand. "Why would Alastor do that with me?"
"Duh!" Niffty rolled her eyes, which for some reason, went in different directions. "Because he's obviously head over heels in love with you!"
"I don't know about that," Husk said, "but…it does sound like he's taking this, uh, marriage with you seriously."
"Or he just wanted to make sure I'd never try to leave," Tina murmured.
Knowing the power of this blood bond didn't change much. Just because Alastor didn't technically own her didn't mean it didn't feel that way.
"Do you think he doesn't," Husk said, rolling his wrist, "you know?"
She crossed her arms. "Can we stop talking about him?"
Husk was starting to see what Alastor had meant about her not being forthcoming. The woman had a wall up with no gate for anyone to enter. Husk was the same way, of course. What little shred of common courtesy he had left in him didn't want to press any further. The invisible chain around his neck, however, urged him to continue.
"Well," he said, hoisting himself up, "I could use a drink. Want one?"
Tina raised an eyebrow. "Bit early in the day, ain't it?"
He shrugged. "Not in Hell."
She couldn't argue with that logic. "Grab me a whiskey."
The first time Lilith had invited Alastor to a Sins meeting, he'd been looking forward to gaining insight on the intricate dealings of the Seven Deadly Sins that no other sinner would be privy to. Then he quickly learned that they were hardly different from Overlord meetings, riddled with dull business discussions. Even the fights that occasionally broke out were only mildly amusing. Unlike the Overlord meetings, however, Alastor was not expected to contribute. His purpose was solely aesthetic.
Most of the Sins would bring along one of their underlings. Satan of Wrath's little assistant slash life coach, Yogirt, was dutifully taking the minutes of the meeting. Beelzebub of Gluttony had her latest hellhound paramour standing by her seat, not that she needed bodyguard. The clownish imp Fizzarolli used to accompany Mammon of Greed, before he quit and his relationship with Asmodeus of Lust became public. Now, Fizzarolli was handling the slides of Asmodeus' sales report on sex toys. Alastor was even less interested in this presentation than Mammon, who was chowing down a bucket of green chicken, and Belphegor of Sloth, who was fast asleep.
Not that Alastor could focus on anything when he was kneeling on the floor beside Lilith, his head begrudgingly in her lap as she threaded her fingers through his hair. He wasn't sure why she insisted on placing him in such a humiliating position in front of all these powerful beings. Perhaps having a submissive pet of her own was her way of establishing dominance over them all. Or maybe she just wanted to appear unbothered by her separation from Lucifer.
The Radio Demon didn't want to sit here listening to the quarterly profits of dildos while the Queen of Hell petted him like a dog. He wanted to get back home to his wife. If she petted him like this, he might not mind so much. He closed his eyes, tuning out the drabble and tried to imagine Tina's fingers running through his hair. While Lilith's were slender and smooth, Tina's were thicker and callused from playing piano. Imperfections gave her skin character.
It was a shame Alastor couldn't share his wife with the public. He'd love Tina to accompany him to the next Overlord meeting, but he wouldn't have her sit on the floor. No, she'd sit right on his lap where everyone could see her. Then he would watch Vox's screen buffer in jealous fury, the fool wishing he could acquire a spouse so captivating.
The Radio Demon wondered how Tina was getting on with Husker and Niffty. Hopefully, the curse had worn off by now and Husker's head was clear enough to accomplish his task and uncover Tina's true feelings. Alastor was almost afraid of what the cat might find out, as her latest interactions with him didn't instill much confidence.
Just as Beelzebub was starting her report on the production of her Beelzejuice, the double doors to the conference room slammed open.
"LILITH!"
Lilith stopped petting Alastor, who sprang to his knees. Belphegor snorted awake. Everyone else turned to see the King of Pride himself standing in the doorway. To Alastor, the sight was comical, as the doors were ten feet high, while Lucifer was shorter than Napoleon. The infuriated expression on his face made him look like a peeved toddler.
"Luci, hi!" Beelzebub waved from the projector screen. "Where you been, honey? We didn't think you'd—"
Lucifer completely ignored the Sin of Gluttony and stomped towards the head of the table, his red pupils locked on his wife.
"What. The. Fuck?!" He waved his cane around the room. "Do you think you're doing?!"
For a moment, Alastor could've sworn he saw a flash of elation in Lilith's eyes. But the thin line of her mouth masked this.
She spoke as if she hadn't gone without seeing her husband in months. "My job."
"No." Lucifer let out a throaty chuckle. "No, no, no, no, no. You see that," he said, pointing to the chair Lilith was sitting in, "is my seat. See the apple carved at the top? Right there? Above your head?"
He tapped on the hilt of his cane, then at the matching apple in his hat. "Kind of my thing, you see?"
"Really?" Lilith looked up at the apple symbol on the back of the chair in feigned shock. "This is your seat? I couldn't tell." She narrowed her eyes at her husband. "But of course, how could I? You haven't been using it for, oh." She tapped her cheek with a finger. "How long? Three, four years?"
"I've been, uh," Lucifer said, his gaze shifting, "busy."
Lilith rolled her eyes. "Busy making rubber ducks that spit fire."
"Hey!" He stomped his foot. "I'll have you know the duck I'm working on now spits smoke, not fire!"
"I rest my case."
Alastor stepped back to watch the squabble. A hush had fallen over the other Sins, their heads turning from Lilith to Lucifer as if at a tennis match. Belphegor was more awake than ever. Beelzebub had abandoned her presentation and was leaning over the table. Mammon was chewing his snacks more enthusiastically. This meeting suddenly became much more entertaining.
"Anyway, husband," Lilith said coolly, "we are humbled you could pull yourself away from your…productive activities and grace us with your presence."
"Oh, ho, ho!" Lucifer wagged a finger. "Don't think after ten thousand years I can't recognize your sarcasm, Lily. I may not always be available for every little thing that happens in Hell, but let's not forget," he said, pointing to the crown on his top hat, "who is the King here."
"And let's not forget," Lilith said, rising to her feet with regal poise, "who is the Queen here."
She was almost double Lucifer's height, so he had to look up to meet her gaze. The slight gulp from his esophagus did not escape Alastor's notice. It seemed even the Devil was no match for Lilith's intimidating aura.
The Radio Demon's keen ears picked up Fizzarolli whispering to Asmodeus, "I can never tell if those two wanna kill each other or fuck."
Asmodeus giggled. "Probably a mix of both."
Lilith's eyes glowed purple as they darted at the Sin of Lust and his partner. Fizzarolli collapsed his extendable legs to make himself smaller while Asmodeus's three mouths shut tight.
"Lily." Lucifer cleared his throat. "Honeybun. It's cute you wanna help out, but managing the Sins," he said, circling his finger, "is my job. I may hate it, and the health benefits are lousy, but it's still mine."
"If that's the case," Lilith said, crossing her arms, "why have I been doing it the past few years?"
He scowled. "What are you even trying to do, Lily? Kick me off my throne? You think you can run Hell better than me?"
She scoffed. "Given this year's reports, I'd say I already am."
"What?" Lucifer spun on the Sins. "Seriously, guys? You've just been letting her run the show?"
The six Sins, usually large and imposing, looked like kindergartners being scolded by their teacher.
"Well, we tried texting you," Leviathan of Envy's smaller head said.
"But all you did was send us duck emojis," her draconic head hissed.
"Yeah, like what were we supposed to do?" Beelzebub asked. "Let Satan take charge?"
Smoke puffed out of Satan's nostrils. "We put it to a vote, and the ruling was that Lilith represent Pride in your…absence."
"I didn't vote for her, boss," Mammon said with his mouth full. "Let's face it. Women ain't cut out for leadership."
Leviathan and Beelzebub snarled. Belphegor grunted in protest before passing out again.
"I can't." Lucifer pinched his brow. "I just can't believe this. You all just voted me out after ten thousand years? This place, all of you," he said, pointing his cane at the Sins, "wouldn't even exist without me!"
"Ah, classic Lucifer." Lilith lowered herself back into her husband's seat. "Taking all the credit where it isn't deserved." She glanced up at the apple symbol. "You know, I seem to recall tempting Eve with the apple to be my idea. But of course, with the way they tell it up top, I wasn't even there."
Groaning, Lucifer threw back his head. "How many times are you gonna blame me for something written by an old Jewish guy thousands of years after Eden?!"
"Well, it's not like you make any effort to correct anyone."
"I'm sorry, what am I supposed to do?" He put his thumb and pinky up to his face to mimic a phone. "Ring up the Pope and demand he revise the Bible? Like any of those angel groupies are gonna listen to the Devil!"
"Hey!" Beelzebub fluttered across the room, lodging herself between the bickering couple. "Hey, hey. Let's like mellow out here, okay honeys? It's hard to like get any work done with the, uh, testy vibes here. I mean let's get real, we all want this boring ass shit to be over, so if we don't get it over with, we're gonna like be here all day. So, what say we take a chance to cool off and like break for lunch?"
She sent a wink in Asmodeus' direction. He exchanged a knowing smirk with Fizzarolli, then raised his hand.
"I second that motion."
Lilith groaned. "Fine. All in favor of—"
"Excuse me!" Lucifer tapped on her shoulder. "If anyone's calling the vote, it's me!"
"I'm the one who's been running the meeting."
"Your vote shouldn't even count!"
"And why not?"
"Because spouses and lovers aren't official members! What? We also gonna give a vote to the hellhound and clown and…" He trailed off when his gaze fell on Alastor, as if only just noticing him. "Who is this? Bambi's evil twin?"
Alastor narrowed his eyes. "You've met me twenty times, Your Majesty."
"Mmm." Lucifer tapped his chin. "Nope. Not ringing a bell. Wait." He noted Alastor's position behind the Pride seat. "He's not here with you, is he, Lily? The hell is he doing at a meeting like this?"
Lilith raised her chin. "I can invite whoever I want."
"That doesn't answer my question at—"
"Oh for evil's sake!" Satan stood. "All in favor of reconvening after lunch?"
Everyone raised their hands, even the ones who weren't Sins. Except for the King and Queen, who were too busy staring daggers at each other to hear. And Alastor, who was disappointed to see the drama ending so quickly. And Belphegor, who was still asleep.
"Awesome!" Beelzebub threw an arm around Lucifer, leading him away. "Come on, Luci. I know this little café that serves the best apple turnovers. Maybe a little sugar will like calm you down. Tex and I won't mind you tagging along, won't we, Tex?"
She elbowed her hellhound paramour, who nodded vigorously. "Uh, yeah! Won't mind at all!"
Lilith watched the Sin of Gluttony escort her husband out the doors, her hands clutched into fists. Alastor seized the opportunity to sneak away, but she snatched his sleeve.
"I don't recall dismissing you," she said.
He bit back a growl. "You didn't, Mistress."
"Good boy." She pinched his cheek.
"Hey, Lilith." Asmodeus said as he and Fizzarolli approached the Queen. "Just between us, I think you were running the meeting splendidly."
"Yeah!" Fizzarolli said. "You actually pay attention to our reports. Plus, I may be a guy, but I've always been a feminist at heart."
Lilith gave a soft smile, though her shoulders were tense. "Thank you."
"Anyway, Fizzi and I were wondering if you'd like to join us for lunch," Asmodeus said. "Maybe you'd like to vent about your deadbeat hubby."
"It'll be fun!" Fizzarolli glanced at Alastor. "We haven't had a double date in forever!"
Static crackled as Alastor stiffened. "I am not her—"
"Sounds delightful." Lilith cut him off by hooking her arm in his. "Alastor and I would love to join you."
He snarled, hating when the Queen neither confirmed nor denied their supposed romantic relationship. Lucifer wasn't even in earshot.
It seemed Alastor would have to wait even longer to return to his beloved wife.
By the fourth drink, Tina, Husk and Niffty were all laughing.
"You threw toilet paper at him?" Niffty asked from the floor.
"And lived?" Husk added.
"I didn't think he was gonna teleport straight into the bathroom!" Tina sipped her whiskey. "Anyway, what old fossil doesn't know how periods work?"
Husk raised a hand. "Wasn't my fault though. Anytime I woke with blood in the sheets, my wife would scream at me to get out of the room."
"Talking about lady parts is indecent!" Niffty said. "Women need their privacy!"
As she spoke, she raised feet to rest on the couch, her skirt falling to reveal her pantaloons.
"But it was kinda cute." Tina ran a hand through her hair. "Seein' him all flustered and embarrassed over a little thing like that. Ya'd think he never seen a naked woman before."
Husk guffawed. "Not a live one anyway."
He covered his mouth, alarmed at his slipup.
"Right," Tina mumbled. "Cuz demons are dead."
He sighed in relief. The alcohol must've clouded her deductive reasoning.
"Al is cute." Niffty giggled. "And such a bad boy." She hiccupped. "But you know, he's like my dad, so he's cute in a deer sort of way and not a hunky sort of way."
If Tina caught onto the "deer" comment, she gave no indication.
"More like a creepy sort of way." Husk cradled his bottle to his head. "But if I were drunk enough…"
"Gross!" Tina punched his shoulder. "That's my husband you're talkin' 'bout!" She pouted. "Not that he'd do anything like that with me anyway."
This temporarily pulled Husk out of his alcoholic haze. "How do you mean?"
"Can ya believe," she said, pouring herself another glass, "the hot asshole left me alone on our weddin' night? Creep goes on and on 'bout how much he loves me and how he worships me and yet we sleep in separate rooms."
Husk pinched his brow. That sounded in character for Alastor.
"Dressin' me up, kissin' my forehead." She swirled her glass. "What does he want? A wife or a doll? Even dolls get action sometimes."
"Hold on a second." Husk sat upright. "You saying you…want to sleep with Al?"
On the wall, Chesterfield hunched over, his eyeholes wide. He seemed just as interested in that answer.
Tina downed the glass in one swig, then wiped her mouth. "Have ya seen the guy? Looks like he's walked straight outta some demon porn."
Chesterfield's form rattled, as if shivering.
"Well, sure, but…" Husk set down his bottle, deciding he should stay as sober as possible for this conversation. "I mean…I was under the impression you…didn't like him very much."
"Eh." Tina made a so-so sign with her hand. "He's annoyin' as fuck but come on. What girl wouldn't wanna tap that?"
Sadly, that was true. Most people were attracted to the Radio Demon in some way. But knowing Alastor, Husk wasn't sure this was the answer he was looking for. Then again, the way Chesterfield was stretching along the wall, his jagged jaw opening as if salivating, maybe Husk didn't know his boss as well as he thought.
"Oh, yeah!" Niffty giggled. "Especially with those tentacles!"
Husk took the glass out of Niffty's hand. "You've obviously had enough."
The Japanese woman pouted as she reached weakly for the glass. "But Chichi, I want more juice!"
"Last time you were wasted," Husk said, "you were bleaching the walls with a fucking mop."
Niffty suddenly gasped, clumsily somersaulting onto the floor. "Stain! There's a stain on that lampshade!"
She zipped off to find what Husk could only assume was a spray bottle or vacuum cleaner or something along those lines. He didn't worry too much about whatever she was getting herself into, as Alastor was sure to forgive her for any damage she might cause. It helped to be the Radio Demon's favorite.
"What's that weirdo's fetish?" Tina picked up Husk's half-finished bottle. "Maid? Furry? Lolita? What's a girl gotta do to get a little attention around her?"
He watched uneasily as she chugged the rest of his bottle. "Uh, maybe you should stop."
"Okay, ma!" The bottle slid out of her hand, landing on the couch, empty. "Whatever."
Her words slurred as she sank into the couch. "What…is…his…deal? Am I not sexy for his beddy-bye?" Her head turned lazily, as if it weighed a ton for her. "You think I'm sexy, Huckleberry?"
"Yeah, sure." Husk reached for her. "Listen, maybe we should get you to bed and sober you—"
Shrieking, Tina slapped his hand. "Don't touch me, sicko!"
He recoiled at her abrupt change in behavior. "Sorry?"
"This body," she blurted, pressing a hand to her breast, "is a temple! And I…a goddess!"
"Goddess!" Niffty squealed as she ran up to Tina, a lampshade on her head. "All hail!"
As Niffty bowed in worship and Tina raised her floppy arms in the air, Husk ran a hand down his face. "Fuck, I overdid it."