CHAPTER 8

Christian caressed her lips with his thumb while cupping her face. He leaned in and kissed her deeply. When he broke the kiss, he said, "I'm not gay and never was even before. I pieced together my past life through my shrink I had before, my Chief of Security, coworkers and my family over the last four months. This is what I found out…." He took a big sip of wine and handed her glass to her off the coffee table.

He inhaled and exhaled big then said, "I was born the son of a crack whore in Detroit, Michigan. She neglected me because of her addiction. Her pimp would abuse me by beating us both, watching him rape her and putting his lit cigarettes out on my back and chest. I found the scars on my chest and back. When I was four years old, my mother overdosed and died. I was left alone with her body for four days in the shit hole we lived in. I guess the pimp came in and screamed at me telling me I killed my own mother and slammed the door leaving me there alone. The EMT people came in because they received a call about the smell coming from the apartment. They took me out screaming because I couldn't tolerate them touching me on my chest or back so I was like a little wild animal. I was taken to the hospital and that is where I was told I met Dr Grace Trevelyan Grey. She was working on the afternoon shift covering the ER. She treated me and didn't touch me like the others tried to do but fed me. A couple months in a foster home later, I was adopted by her and my father Carrick Grey. They had a son previously adopted. Elliot is a couple years older than me as you might know from public records. I was told that I had a lot of trouble adjusting to things. I hoarded food all the time and I wouldn't talk for the first two years I was with the Grey's."

"They brought home one day, a baby girl about three months old, and said she was my baby sister, Mia. They said I would sleep on the floor next to her crib, watching over her and protecting her at night. They said one night the baby started to cry and I went to get my mother and said the name "Mia". My mother cried because she was so happy I spoke for the first time. I started talking after that." Christian looked over at Ana and she had tears falling down her cheeks as she was wiping them away. Christian sat his glass down, reached over and wiped her cheeks off with his thumbs. He kissed her on the lips. He whispered, "Don't cry, beautiful Anastasia, it was all a long time ago and I don't remember it anymore." Christian continued after a sip of wine. Ana scooted closer up next to him on the couch and lightly caressed his hair on the back of his neck. Christian closed his eyes and moaned. He sat back up inhaling deeply and Ana put her hand back in her lap.

Christian cleared his throat and continued, "My shrink said, I never felt like I deserved my family's love. That I wasn't worthy of them. By the time I was in my teens, I was going through puberty and was fighting a lot because the kids at school would try to touch me on purpose to piss me off. Sometimes, the touching would happen accidentally, causing me burning pain on my back and chest. I would automatically lash out. I desired girls but they could never touch me on my back and chest and it caused me angst, fear and frustration. After a couple years went by, I was told around fourteen to fifteen, I started drinking and stealing booze from my father. I was kicked out of three schools for fighting and drinking and my parents were at their wits end."

"My shrink told me all of this part… One day, my mother sent me over to do yard work for Elena Lincoln and her husband to remove debris from their new addition and landscaping as punishment. I was working there in the heat and took off my shirt. Elena came out into the back yard wearing close to nothing in a see through robe or something with a glass of lemonade. At the time, she was about thirty nine years old. I said some smart mouth comment to her and she slapped me across the face, then she kissed me." Anastasia stiffened.

"The next day she took me in the house and sucked me off. She said if I wanted more, to keep coming back. One day, she took me down to her dungeon and let me fuck her and said I could gain control of myself through BDSM. She said if I was good and did as I was told and made my parents happy, I would get rewarded and get to fuck her. If I didn't do the right things I would get punished." Ana sat back away from Christian. Ana was pissed.

Christian continued, "When I was 18, I went to Harvard and I was told to not even look at the girl's there. Elena would drop in to check up on me randomly. I dropped out after my first year. My father was furious and wouldn't let me use my trust fund money to start up my business. Elena gave me $100,000 dollars to start up my business as an investment. I had been her submissive for six years over all, until that moment I wanted her to train me to be a dominant at age twenty one. She was what they call a "switch", when you go from a dominant to a submissive. She told me that the only way I could have sex was by tying the women up so they couldn't touch me. She said that I was incapable of love anyway because I was too damaged and would have to do it the way she taught me only. I really have no idea what the hell my former self was thinking at this point." Ana nodded.

"My shrink said, five years later, it was six months after I was trained to be a dominant, my business had took off and I gave her a million dollars in return for the startup capital. By that time, her husband had divorced her. He left her after finding out she was having sex with me and beat her up. The person I was before felt guilty and wanted to help her in return for helping. I guess he was programmed by her to be her money bag from that point on. The shrink said, she started finding me submissives that were vetted by her from the BDSM clubs and charging me $100,000 each. I found that part exorbitant and ludacris. I guess 'former me' thought it was safer than trolling the sex clubs to find subs. The shrink said, I thought my reputation was starting to build up, and I could put them under contract easier than trying to get them myself. She did it because she said she knew what I liked or didn't like, but I think now it was the money. She also presented 'former me' with a business plan for a salon spa business, so former me helped by investing 60% to get her on her feet. Later, she started expanding to three locations now. I found this out to be interesting, she named them 'Esclava'."

Ana wrinkled her brow and said, "Spanish for slave?" He grinned and nodded.

"The shrink said I was adamant making it clear to all of the submissives that it was an arrangement and that it was not an emotional relationship. I guess I got rid of a lot of them. My shrink said it was fifteen subs so far in seven years. I figured I must have been one lone bastard to believe that crap Elena crammed inside 'former me's' head because there were no emotions to be involved. It was only sex, frustration and rage. BDSM was all I knew before I guess. I was truly a fucked up son of a bitch. I hope I never remember all that trauma from 'former me's' childhood and what Elena did. I was an abused little boy and then a pedophile abused me, sexually assaulted and groomed me to be a codependent teen with bondage issues. I had severe touch issues and stunted my emotional growth, so the shrink said. He told me the memory loss may be the best thing that ever happened to me if it's permanent. That woman, Elena, kept chasing me around my mother's house for a week, forcing me to go to my home quickly while I was recovering. She was and is relentlessly trying to get in my pants so aggressively and still was as you saw last night. She was freaking me out with her behavior. I guess my parents have no clue and when that shit gets out it's going to blow up their lives letting a pedophile into their lives and around their children for decades. I wonder if she ever approached my brother. He really fucking hates her. I can tell how he avoids her." Christian exhaled big and took another sip of wine draining his glass. Christian was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Ana to get up and leave.

Ana said, shaking her head, "It's unbelievable that your parents never had a clue. They must have had their heads buried in the sand all this time not seeing the signs. To think they still allow her in their home and your mother calls her friend is horrible. If you ever read up on your own, you would discover that what she was teaching 'former you' was not real BDSM because trust is the foundation and love does exist in that lifestyle. Many dominant submissive or dominatrix submissive relationships are very loving and some couples are even married. I took a Human Sexuality class and 'former you' was taught to channel anger, rage, frustration and aggression into the violence with sex. Elena taught 'former you' to be an unhealthy abusive sadist. She trained 'former you' to separate sex from love and that is what a sexual sadist does. The sad part is that 'former you' could have had a normal healthy relationship if she kept her sick pedophile hands to herself. 'Former you' would have matured emotionally enough to find an understanding girl to explore a normal relationship inevitably. All that was needed was to ask her not to touch your chest and back. 'Former you' was in no way able to give consent at fifteen being under age whether it was wanted or not. Her telling 'former you' was too damaged and unable to love is totally warped because everyone has the choice between love or hate inside them. 'Former you' had been conditioned and groomed to be just like her and to completely be manipulated by her. She's the one who can't love or be loved, I bet and she is a total sociopath from what I saw last night. She wants 'former you' to believe all that because she could maintain control of who you fuck, what was done to the subs, keeping distance with family, probably needing her advice and channeling anger from the violence in 'former you's' past and current life. It was a very unhealthy road 'former you' on and suffered such miserable isolation because of it. Did you find the contracts? Is there a sex room?"

He said, shrugging, "Your right, she really was distancing 'former me' from my family. I found out about that before the accident, they said I barely was around them anymore. My shrink confirmed that my family was right. I wasn't. My shrink said she is desperately trying to suck me back in by the way she's acting so weird. See you're not the only one with a sexual predator around them. I hesitate because of my family but I know eventually it may come out. I wish that mean old manipulative bitch would leave me the fuck alone and stop touching me. Tomorrow I'm severing everything with her. I'll hold the shares in her business as leverage for now but she isn't getting any more money from me. I did find contracts and there is a sex dungeon upstairs. It's a bit disturbing. Elena, when I went home from my mother's, used the codes to get in here from my sister's phone. The crazy bitch went up in the dungeon and was masterbating on the bed. Security got me and showed me on the monitor. They threw her out. I'll show you the contracts and the room if you like? I'm going to rip it out of here."

He got up and got her a contract to read in his office and came back sitting down handing it to her. She flipped through it speed reading.

When she was done she put it back in the envelope and said, "That's a master/slave part time total power exchange contract for a sadist with no room but to pick and choose items to use, where to use them, and rules so narrow they beg to be broken."

He said, sighing, "She must have taught that type of contract. The shrink said I was always attracted to a type, dark brown hair and blue eyed women too. He said Elena trained me to get my aggression out on women who looked like my mother so it became my type psychologically."

Ana giggled and said, "I guess that didn't change."

He said poking her in the tub making her laugh, "I don't think I crashed my helicopter on your trees because you had the right color hair and eyes, you silly girl. Let me show you the room and get this over with." He stood up and took her hand. She sat her empty glass on the coffee table a, took his hand and followed him upstairs. They were walking by a string of doors, being it was the second floor like a loft. He took her to one door that had a combination and lock on the handle. He pulled out a key on his keyring in his pants pocket. He punched a code on the buttons and put the key in the lock. The room was dark and he hit the lights on the switch by the door inside.

Ana walked inside like stepping into another world of sex, lust and domination. The room was blood red with dark wood and blood red leather furniture. St Andrew's Cross, spanking benches, suspension racks and an antique four poster bed all in blood red satin sheets. Every whip, flogger and paddle on display racks and glass cases of restraints with a big chest of drawers. She looked around tuning to see it. It was fascinating to her it breathed of deep dark emotions of beauty and pain. It was surreal to her the dynamic of how complex this man Christian was before. She opened drawers on the dark wood cabinets and saw nipple and genitalia clamps every sexual electronic stimulator and dildo you could think of. There was a bathroom attached to the room. She was peeking into another world she had studied before but never really saw it laid out like the Marquis De Sade or Dorian Gray way in modern times.

She said being observant of her surroundings, "The 'former you' was a very complex man of deep emotional pain and beauty. I find this all amazing and fascinating really to see it laid out so organized. The 'former you' was a OCD control obsessed person. Have you noticed that? I can see it big time in this room." She slowly moves from one thing to another, glancing around every now and then.

He stood at the door and stepped inside to stand next to her looking around. He said thinking distantly, "I feel tension and that control obsession you spoke of. I suffered self loathing and thought I was a monster according to the shrink. Boy, I was fucked up and even more with that crazy bitch influencing 'former me'."

Ana said, taking his hand, "You're ok now. I'm here with you." He leaned over and kissed her temple.

He said softly, "I'm glad you are here and didn't run for the hills after I told you about it all downstairs. I was afraid after you told me about that sexual predator you would run after I told you."

She looked around and said, "I'm not that shallow or easily intimidated. After all you said, 'former you' was a victim of some really horrible people. What kind of friend would I be to walk away especially when you don't remember it." He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her.

He said, "I'm so glad you're here now."

She hugged him back and said, "So am I, Christian." He took her hand and they walked out of the room and he turned off the lights and locked it up.

As they walked downstairs, Ana asked, "Can I see Luke now?"

Christian said smiling, "Sure, follow me." He led her to the security office.