WARNING: The following is a highly random, very funny (I hope), and entirely off-script spoof on Lord of the Rings. Yours truly does not own any of the stuff you recognize from a book, movie, etc. . . etc. . . Anything you DO realize is CanonSmasher's precious. With that said, read on!

Elrond, Lord of Rivendell, was swamped in paper. Almost literally in fact. Papers were piled up on his desk, spilling to the ground, and landing in inconvenient places on the floor. You see with the highly daunting task of organizing a Fellowship (he'd already come up the name, like FanFictions, the name was the easy part) came names of applicants, hopefuls who thought that taking the One Ring to Mordor would be like something in a highly popular movie, or a timeless book. Lists and lists and lists and. . . Well, you get it. He strode into the room, tiptoed through the mounds of paper, and sat on a chair behind his desk.

"Usael!" he snapped, his head whipping from side to side as he scanned over five lists at once, "Usael?"

The top of an elf's head became visible not two feet from the desk as the elf-lord's assistant straightened up.

"Yes, Milord?"

Elrond sighed, "I fear this will be a venture without hope," he said.

Usael's eyes clouded as he nodded, "The Fellowship must remain steadfast, true to their teammates and-"

"Not the Fellowship you moron! Finding the members of the Fellowship!" he gestured hopelessly to the mess around them, "Look around you! How are we to get through this all?"

"Well Milord, we could start reading now, maybe assign more elves to the task-"

Elrond laid his head on his desk, "Usael. There is a reason I've barricaded myself into a remote wildness and built a haven in it. To avoid this very thing!"

Usael put down the mess of papers he held, then looked at the distraught elf-lord before him, "But evil does not-"

"No, no, no," Elrond shook his head, "Not evil, work!" he pushed a stack of neatly arranged documents off his desk, "Or worse yet, the highest of elf-banes, paperwork!"

There was a long silence in which the elf silently agreed with this statement, then, with a slow grin Usael ran from the room, returning with a large hat.

"The solution, Milord! We cut up the papers, so just the names are left, them toss them in here and draw nine!"

"That Usael, is the best idea I've heard yet."