(The story begin with screenshot of the exterior of the Mystery Shack a playing.The scene cuts to the TV, where it shows a tan baseball player, a green baseball player, and a fire pit. The green baseball player releases a projectile and the tan baseball player jumps into the fire pit.The scene cuts to Dipper, Wendy, Soos and Stan,They all groan in disappointment. Then everyone stares at Soos.)
Dipper:I told you to jump over the fire pit Thomas, not fallintoit.
Mabel:(Off-screen)Happy Shack-iversarry!
(She runs into the living room with gifts, laughing)
Soos:(Looking at Dipper and Wendy) What's a Park-iversarry?
Wendy:Dude, "Park-Anniversary". Just break it down.
Dipper:(Whispering to Soos)Mabel is gonna give out really lame gifts, but just pretend like you like it or you'll hurt her feelings.
(To Mabel)
Mabel:(continued) Hey, Mabel! Happy Shack-iversarry!
Soos: I come bearing gifts! I've picked out just the right presents for all of you.
(Mabel gives presents to Soos, and Stan)
Mabel (continued):Oh, I can't wait!(Waving his arms)Open them! Open them!
Soos:(He goes through his bag to find green socks with red toe tips, a smiley face, and text saying "Be Smiley")Wow! Novelty socks.
Stan:(Hepulls out a mermaid figurine)A mermaid statues made of shells? Man, this is...super neat! Thanks, Pumpkin!
Mabel:When in doubt, buy shells.(Ducks down)Now for Dipper and Mabel's gifts.
(She lifts up two gift bags)
Mabel (continued):I think you're really going to like these.
(Dipper and Wendy grab their gifts)
(Wendy begins ripping the wrapping paper. She sees a box with the text "TANTS CO." in red and sees a man eating a turkey with tants on. She begins reading the text on the box.)
Wendy:''Tants. Dare to dine anywhere with flare in Tants!" "The pants that are also a table!"
Dipper:Uh, they're great, Mabel.
Wendy:Yeah, thanks, Mabel
Mabel:(laughing)Wonderful! I knew they'd be a hit. Well, I still have gifts for Candy and Grenda. Happy Shack-iversarry
(Everyone says bye to Mabel as she exits the room).
Dipper:What are gonna do with 'tants'?
Soos:I think you hit the jackpot this year. Those tants are pretty fresh(pulls the 'nice' gesture)You know, I could take those tants off your hands for ya. Free of charge.
Dipper and Wendy:Hmmm
(Dipper agrees 'hm, hm')
Wendy:Yeah, sure. Go for it.
Soos:A wise decision, dude.
(Scene moves to Dipper playing video games and Wendy spectating. Mabel enters the room.)
Mabel:Ta-daaa(He is wearing the tants)
Dipper:Woahhh, what are you wearing?
Mabel:(spinning so they can get a glimpse)Tants! I'm wearing tants! You must have not tried them on yet.
Dipper and Wendy:(both laugh awkwardly) Yeah, you got us.
Mabel:You know, I didn't want to make a big deal in front of the others, but I gave extra-heart into picking out your presents.
Wendy:(confused)Really?
Mabel:Oh yes! I wanted to use the Shack-iversarry as an opportunity to thank you for being such good friends to me.
Mabel (Continued):I thought we could all wear our tants and have lunch together!
Dipper: Uhhh, we...uh...kinda-don't...have the tants...anymore.
(Mabel makes a whining sound after hearing the response, crinkling her face so it looks like she's going to cry)
Dipper (continued):We gave the tants-
(Mabel is on the brink of a tantrum)
Dipper (continued):-Uh-huh, we gave the tants-
(Tears well up in Mabel' eyes)
Wendy:We gave them to the dry cleaners!
Dipper:-uh, yeah-yeah! We took them to the dry cleaners to make sure they would be clean the first time we'd try them on!
(Mabel immediately recovers from her to-be tantrum and gasps in relief)
Mabel:Then let's do lunch tomorrow when you pick up your tants.
( Dipper and Wendy agree with replies)
Mabel:Splendid!(She laughs as she exits out of the room, hitting the wall due to her tants, but runs through at the end, laughing with joy)
(We hear more noise from Dipper and Wendy 's point of view, with Mabel having several collisions and laughter fades away)
Wendy:Dude, did you see her face?
Dipper:Yeah, we can't make Mabel cry. Those tants are really bad, but hurting Mabel' feelings is worse. Come on, we gotta see Soos about those tants.
(Scene cuts to Soos's house. Dipper knocks on the door.)
Soos:Yes?
Dipper:We really need those tants back.
Soos:Yeah, okay. Me and Melody are done with them anyway.
(Scene cuts to the tants. They are ruined.)
Dipper and Wendy:AH! WHAT THE?!
Wendy:Gross, what did you do?!
Soos:All I did was have a pizza dinner, with Melody.
Dipper:Ugh! Did you even eat any of it?
Wendy:There's like a whole slice in the pant leg!
Soos:Dude you don't need to get all worked up about it, just wash them, they'll be fine.
Dipper and Wendy:Ugh!
(Scene cuts to the dry cleaners).
Dipper:More up!
Wendy:Wait, let me switch my grip.
Dipper:Alright, now, turn the tants to the right.
(Wendy turns the tants to her angle of right)
Dipper (annoyed):No,my right!
Wendy:It's not fitting.
Dipper:Because you need to turn the tants!
Wendy:I am turning it, you just have to push it more!
Dipper:It's not gonna work like that! The tants won't fit.
Wendy:Why do you keep saying 'tants' so much?
Dipper:Just turn them.
Wendy:Just shove 'em in!
(He seizes Dipper's side of the tants and attemps to push them in the washing machine. He gets the large parts to fold on each other and pushes, but the force of his push caused the cardboard to rip. Wendy panics)
Dipper:Agh! You're breaking them! Take them out!
(Wendy grunts as she and Dipper attempt to remove the tants from the washing machine. As he lifts a part, Dipper unwillingly hit the 'start' button with his arm on the machine. The sound of water was heard within the machine)
Wendy:What was that?
(The machine starts rumbling).
Dipper:Dude, look out!
(He pulls Wendy to his side and they both fall to the ground. The machine starts spinning, as the fatal crunching sounds of the tants is heard. Dipper and Wendy watch in distraught).
Wendy:Maybe we can fix it?
Dipper:There's nothing left to fix!
(The tants are completely destroyed.)
Dipper:We gonna have to buy new tants.
(Scene cuts to a computer screen where 'tants' is searched)
Wendy:There it is! Click it, click it!
Dipper:Alright, Lets see.
Wendy:Which one is it?
Dipper:Uh, this one!
Wendy:Two hundred dollars?!
Dipper:The ergonomic cup holder makes it limited edition?
Wendy:Ugh. I can't believe Mabel spent so much money on us.
Dipper:We're not limited edition friends, we're just standard issue jerks. We're gonna have to tell Mabel
Mabel:(suddenly enters the room) Dipper! Wendy!
(Dipper and Wendy jump out of their chairs in surprise)
Mabel:I've been looking all over for you! I've been so excited about tomorrow!
(Mabel starts to laugh in excitement Dipper and Wendy look at reach other. Mabel starts to cough due to her laughter. She recovers and takes a breath and wipes her mouth with a hankie)
Mabel:Anyway,I forgot to ask which beverage you'd like. Lemonade or Pink Lemonade?
Dipper and Wendy:Uhhh...
Mabel:Oh, what am I saying? (flaps her arms in front of her) I'll get both! Let's go wild, it is our first tants lunch together.(Laughs)I "tant" wait for it.
(Mabel runs out of the room, laughing in joy as he chants,'Tants lunch! Tants lunch!' constantly till the noise fades away)
Dipper:We can't tell Mabel.
Wendy:Ughh...What're we gonna do?
Dipper:Just let me think. It's just pants in a table. Maybe we could just make some tants.
Wendy:Make 'em? How?
Dipper:Remember that one time Stan made shack uniforms for everyone?
Wendy:Oh, the ones we only wore once?
(Flashback showing Dipper and Wendy wearing golf-like shack uniforms, both unhappy, and Stan is smiling at his work)
Dipper:Yeah, those. Anyway, if we use that sewing machine, we can make new tants.
Wendy:Oh yeah!
Dipper:Where was that thing again?
Wendy:The basement?
Dipper:Yeah! The basement!
(Scene cuts to The Corduroy's house Dipper and Wendy standing and staring towards a sewing machine in the Corduroy basement).
Dipper:Dude, I don't know how to use this thing.
Wendy:Well neither do I!
Dipper:What are we gonna do?
(Dipper and Wendy gasp and snap their finger, for an idea came to mind)
Dipper& Wendy:Tambry!
Tambry:Wow! A diamond crown Stitch Horse 5000 double-diamond series?! You know they stop making these in '75. It's the last of its series to have a solid steel throat-plate.
Wendy:So does that mean you can do it?
Tambry:With a workhorse like this(pats the machine)I think I can manage. But if we're gonna get these tants done by tomorrow, you guys will need to help.
Dipper and Wendy: Hm hm!
(Montage begins of Dipper, Wendy and Tambry creating the tants. After some research, mistakes and construction, the trio slide the cardboard into the 2 tants).
Wendy:Whoa, Tambry, they look great!
Tambry:They really do, don't they?
Dipper:Awesome! Now we just have to add the logos and make them look legit.
(Dipper comes back with a trash bag and opens it, revealing the damaged tants. One of them has the logo spelling 'Tants Co').
Tambry:Are you sure about ripping off the logo? The warning seems pretty specific
(Inside the tants, a label says 'Warning: Tampering or removal of Tants co. logo is punishable by TantsCo law').
Dipper:But if we don't use the real logo, Mabel would know they're different tants. We have to take it. For Mabel' lunch.
(Dipper tears of the logo, revealing a red button that starts beeping ominously and emitting noise.)
Dipper:Huh?!
(The button then flashes subsequently. The trio yelp and run as a laser comes shooting out of the button. The laser then draws a door shape in front of the trio, which becomes a portal. Two arms come out, a leg, and then a man's face. He comes out of the portal followed by 4 tant-wearing men in soldier uniform. Themanin the black suit, who was unusually tall, stood in the middle of the pack).
Tants Co. President:Cease and desist!
Dipper:Who are you?!
Tants Co. President:Hm, only the active president and founder of Tants Co., maker of tants! I'm here to investigate a grave violation of Tants Co. company rules: Tampering or removal of the official Tants Co. logo is forbidden by law - of my company, and is punishable - by my company.
Tants Soldier #1:Uh sir, you better take a look at this.
(Two of the Tants soldiers pull the prepared tants towards the Tants Co. President, who takes a deep breath)
Tants Co. President:Do you know how many Tants Co. laws you're violating with these off-brand tants?!
(Dipper, Wendy and Tambry murmur unknowingly)
Wendy:A couple?
Tants Co. President:Well, its at least seventeen-easily! The Tants Co. company makes subsequent products on my families bread and butter. Heck, those products are family to me! It's like you're walking into my home and taking the food right out of my wife's mouth! Well, I can't let this continue. Today, it's Bootleg Tants, but will it be tomorrow! Bootleg Glups?!
(The trio, aside from Wendy, look at each other)
Tants Co. President:Ugh...you know, the gloves that are also a coffee cup?
(A Tants soldier is seen wearing Glups on both hands)
Tants Co. President:Or, maybe you wanna make Sombrasses, the sombrero that's also glasses?
Tambry:Ugh!
Tants Co. President:And what about Shtilts? The shoes that are also stilts! Are you gonna bootleg these?
(He pulls down his long trousers, to which Dipper and Wendy prefer not to look at)
Dipper and Wendy:Whoa, whoa!
Tambry:It's okay. He still got pants on.
(Dipper and Wendy sigh in relief. The camera tilts from the bottom to the top of the shtilts, up to the President, who is much smaller than expected)
Tants Co. President:If these fraud tants exist, it will open a floodgates to all kinds of bootleg Tants Co. products! But I'm not about to let that happen to my company! I'm destroying these imposters.
(The President advances towards the unofficial tants. Dipper, Wendy and Tambry make a dash to stop him, protesting)
Dipper, Wendy and Tambry:NO! STOP! YOU CAN'T!
(The Tants soldiers come to stop them from advancing. Dipper faces the 'glups'- wearing soldier, who Dipper can't attack due to the mugs and almost has coffee spilt on him).
Wendy (punching)
(It shows Wendy trying to punch a soldier but due to his size he can only reach the waist he's not even hitting).
(Tambry is seen trying to overwhelm the soldier with so brasses but no luck, whilst grunting).
(The trio are overwhelmed and are pushed back by the tants soldiers who surround them as the Tants Co. President laughs modestly).
Tants Co. President:You know, brand-made Tants Co. Tants are fireproof Did you makeyoursfireproof?
(He takes the Tants to a furnace)
Dipper:Don't do it!
Tambry:No!
Tants Co. President:Hmph. Before I torch these imposters, just tell me one thing. Why on this good green Earth, would you make fake tants?
Dipper:Because we had to!
Tants Co. President:Ha! Liar, liar, tants on fire! There is no good reason to bootleg tants!
Dipper:Mabel! Mabel is a good reason. She bought us real tants from your company. She just wanted to have one lunch with us in tants, but we didn't appreciate Mabel or her gifts, and they got ruined. We were just trying to fix things.
Wendy:And Tambry worked really hard to help us!
Dipper:I'm sorry we ripped the label off. And I'm sorry we made fake tants. But we couldn't let Mabel down and still call ourselves her friends.
(Dipper and Wendy look down in guilt)
Mabel (o/s): But that is the reason I consider you my best friends.
Dipper and Wendy:Mabel!
(Mabel is seen at the front of the basement steps)
Mabel:I heard everything.
Wendy:Mabel! We're so sorry!
Mabel:No! I won't hear it. The lengths that you went for my sake mean more than any lunch in tants! That is true friendship .
Dipper:Thanks, Mabel.
(The Tants Co. President is crying. He dries his tears with an oddly-looking tie with and end shaped like a hankie).
Tants Co. President:(Sad voice) Tiekercheif.The tie that's also a handkerchief.(The President tucks it in his shirt)I've never seen such a touching display of friendship in all my life. This is why I started TantsCo...for the people. It's more beautiful than any product my company can make!
Wendy:Does this mean we can have our tants back?
Tants co. President:NO!
(He suddenly pushes the tants right inside the furnace incinerating them)
Dipper, Wendy and Tambry:NO!
Tambry:MY WORK!
Tants co. President:Hahaha! Real friends deserve reactants! Tants all around!
Dipper:Nice!
Wendy:Aw, Sweet!
Tambry:I don't even know what's real and what's not...
(Scene cuts to the afternoon. Dipper, Wendy and Mabel are wearing tants, all wielding a dish on their table. Mabel is holding lemonade, and Dipper and Wendy are holding glasses filled with it)
Dipper:You know Mabel, these tants are pretty choice.
Mabel:Yes, isn't the fabric nice and breathable?
Wendy (chewing):Yeah, totally!
(Soos and Melody appear holding each other and have their legs in a four legged trouser fuse).
Soos:Check it out dude! The Tants Co. President gave us this prototype frelt!
Melody:It even came with these four-legged acid wash jeans!
(Dipper and Mabel and Wendy look astonished).
Soos:It's okay if you're jealous. Tants are pretty last season.
(Soos and Melody take off, with their arms in each other's back trouser pocket).
Dipper: Mabel, I know we're friends, but please don't ever buy us frelts.
Mabel: Oh. I'd never do that! Those look ridiculous!
(The trio laugh)