Daisugi: The Art of Growth

by LytnX5

New genin graduate as the hopes of the Land of Fire. Shinrai Uzumaki, adoptive brother of Naruto Uzumaki and the other wicked half of the Demon Twins. Kusari Hyuuga, sister of Neji Hyuuga, trapped by destiny. Gosei Senju, descendent of the Shodai and eldest heir to the Senju Clan. Their sensei, Ryujin Hiyenzo, Kyuubi Jinchuriki and former student of the Yondaime. FullSummaryInside

54. Chapter 46

A/N: Happy Easter! (Happy 4/20.)

𓍊𓍊 ~ Chapter Forty-six — Thread By Thread ii ~ 𓍊𓍊

Fire. Gosei whipped his head out of the way of a flaming dodgeball. Dammit, when did she get so fast—

"TAKE THIS SUCKER!" Natsuyo cackled as her scorch enveloped another chakra-resistant ball. With a toss into the air she kickedit toward her brother.

Breathing deep, Gosei coated the ball he had in hand with soaking waves. The moment Natsuyo's ball got close, he hurled it at his sister's—his elemental advantage just barely cancelling out her jutsu, but not overtaking it. The two balls bounced onto the bare dirt of the uprooted training ground.

"Ugh! I'm stronger than you and I'm still only tie-ing you!" Natsuyo huffed, grinning at her brother.

Gosei let out his own tired breath. They'd been playing since the sun came up. "Raw power isn't the only factor in a battle, little sister." It was assuring to know that Natsuyo hadn't leapt past him in every category.

Falling on the dirt, Natsuyo laughed. "Maybe…" she muttered, rubbing a bruise where an earthen ball had struck her shoulder.

He scoffed. "Definitely." he walked over to her and smiled, offering her a hand. "Let's clean up and get something to eat."

"Alright!" Keeping her smile, Natsuyo took Gosei's hand and pulled herself up. His sister always had a fire to her. Never did she stop smiling, never did she stop burning a path through hell and high water to get to her goal.

It was how she surpassed him, after all.

He needed to learn that fire for himself.

Not only so he could unlock his own Fire Release, no, but to challenge Suani. Every problem couldn't be solved through combat, but she was one that could for certain.

He knew that much about her.

It didn't take long for him and Natsuyo to clean themselves up and set out into Konoha, outside of the Senju Training grounds. Usually, he'd go for his father's home cooking but Natsuyo insisted that they go to Ichiraku Ramen. Naruto had apparently indoctrinated her into his little ramen cult. At least he could attest to the food being good, so he didn't complain at all.

"You're paying since this is your idea," Gosei said flatly as they exited the compound.

Natsuyo huffed. "Of course I am!"

"Good." Their walk to the ramen stand remained relatively silent. Seeing Konoha progress and rebuild day by day was satisfying. Bouncing right back, just like he knew they would. The way Natsuyo's eyes beamed over the landscape showed that she felt just the same as he did.

Before long, they arrived at Ichiraku's. Business seemed to be booming—it was one of the few quality food places active. People were sitting on the floor because the seats at the stand were full.

"Alright guys!" announced the woman at the stand. "We don't have enough for everyone to get seconds, one bowl for everybody, sorry!"

There were some grumbles, but everyone accepted it. Natsuyo snapped her fingers in disappointment. "Dammit!"

"Well, it looks like we'll be going home to father regardless…" Gosei said, chuckling victoriously.

Natsuyo stepped on his foot—"Ow!"

At that, she laughed.

"Immature brat…" grumbled Gosei, walking forward toward the stand. She dragged her feet behind him, giggling still. "Greetings, I will have what you gave me before!"

"Alright!" she looked back. "Old man! Another pork bowl!"

"I told you to stop calling me that, Ayame!"

"Can I have a chicken bowl please!" Natsuyo said.

Ayame frowned. "We're out of chicken…"

"Aw!" Natsuyo huffed. "A veggie bowl?"

"Add a veggie bowl to that!" Ayame yelled back.

There wasn't a response this time.

As they waited for their ramen, Natsuyo seemed to be focused on something else. Gosei traced her line of sight to see her watching a man and his daughter, assumedly. He handed her a birthday cakeflavored lollipop. A great, childishgrin crossed her face as she unwrapped the candy, with her father chuckling as he carried her off.

Beautiful… Gosei couldn't help his smile. Bit by bit, Konoha was gaining its footing, returning to its former strength, former joy. Natsuyo had her own proud smile, though it was followed up with a question.

"I still don't get why birthday cake is a real flavor."

"Because… it tastes like a birthday cake?" Gosei shrugged.

Natsuyo groaned as she turned to him. "No, a birthday cake could be any flavor. Father baked me a strawberry cream flavor this year, and he baked you a carrot cake! They're both birthday cakes but they don't taste like that candy flavor because a birthday cake can be ANY flavor."

He blinked at her rant. "But those are technicalities, a standard birthday cake would taste like the flavor—"

"No it wouldn't!"

"What if they want a birthday flavored birthday cake?"

"That's just redundant—"

"—Because a birthday cake flavor tastes like a standard birthday cake!"

Natsuyo flailed her hands. "There is no standard birthday cake!"

"Says who?!"

"Me!" she declared, standing from her seat. "Everyone wants to have their favorite flavor as their birthday cake! Tell me one birthday party you went to that had a birthday cake flavored birthday cake."

"... I didn't go to birthday parties," he answered, crossing his arms.

Natsuyo huffed. "Well I did, and NOBODY had a birthday cake flavored birthday cake."

"Then that was your friend group, that doesn't speak for the entire population!"

"I had a lot of friends and I've been to a lot of parties!" she pointed at him. "I have a good sample size, dammit!"

"Why do you care so much?! This is stupid!"

"That damn flavor is stupid!" Natsuyo groaned. "It doesn't even have a distinct taste."

"Yes it does?!" He looked incredulously at her. "It tastes like vanilla and sprinkles."

"THEN WHY NOT CALL IT THAT?!" Natsuyo yelled, drawing attention. "It's accurate and not misleading!"

"Because vanilla and sprinkles is a stupid name."

She glared. "Oh, and cookies and cream isn't? How about mint and chocolate? Oh, certainly peanut butter and jelly is a stupid name. Caramel and chocolate is a terri—"

"Quiet!" Gosei commanded her, huffing and looking away.

That got a victorious rise out of her. "When you become Hokage you better make it your first order to change the name of that flavor."

"That's not in the Hokage's hands?!" Why had his sister been sprouting so much stupid drivel today? That bastard Naruto had been having too much of an influence on her, dammit.

Natsuyo crossed her legs as she leaned back on the stool. "Well then, I'll take the hat and put it in my hands."

"That's known as an abuse of power."

"It's not abuse if it's for the right reasons!"

"You sound like Shinrai."

"I'm still angry with that bastard!" she yelled, leaning back forward as she almost growled.

Gosei rolled his eyes. "He's just… a pity. Kusari told me about him."

"Yeah, Naruto told me as well," she admitted. "I've been training with him too, but I still don't like him for what he did."

"Mhm, he hasn't done anything to earn forgiveness…"

She sighed. "Naruto got angry with me when I said that."

"Then allow him to be angry."

"I dislike it when he's angry with me." Natsuyo almost slumped in her posture. "It feels like I did something wrong; it's a weird feeling."

"Eh?" Gosei looked at her like she was going crazy (because she was).

She shrugged. "I dunno! It's weird. I don't like it. So we don't talk about it and when Shinrai's around, I stay cordial."

"Alright…" He shrugged. "I simply don't interact with Shinrai Uzumaki. Our sensei seems to have abandoned us so I'm at least grateful I'm not forced to see him."

"Lucky…" She groaned lively, rocking back and forth on the back legs of the stool.

It didn't take much longer for their ramen to come. Of course, they thanked both the runners of the stand and the natural world for this meal. As they ate in comfortable silence, somebody else came in.

"Hey, can you give me what's most convenient?"

Gosei and Natsuyo looked to their left to see—"Sensei?!" he said in absolute shock.

Ryujin nodded his head at the two. "Gosei. Natsuyo."

"... Why have you abandoned my brother?!" Natsuyo immediately stopped rocking in her seat and pointed an accusing finger at him.

Well, Gosei would've liked for that to have been asked with more tact. Though, Ryujin's initial response was a sigh, he had more to say. "I… don't have a good reason, really." His seating position shifted to face Gosei. "I apologize. I failed in my responsibility as a sensei, to you, to Shinrai, to Kusari… and I'm here to finally set it right."

"... I see," Gosei said. Well, at least he was taking accountability. As a matter of fact…

…Suani...

…Ryujin might have been just the person he needed to see right now. "I'll accept your apology on the grounds that I didn't find myself too negatively affected by it."

"I see…" responded Ryujin, nodding.

It seemed like Ryujin was going to continue, but Gosei did so first. "Furthermore… I would like to apologize for my own transgressions. For too long, after you became my sensei, I looked down upon you due to your lack of noble heritage. I have since come to learn that heritage means nothing in terms of respect. I was a fool… and you deserve every ounce of respect for accomplishing everything you have for Konoha."

Gosei, of course, then bowed his head to his sensei.

Ryujin just looked dumbfounded—his face schooled into indifference, but his eyes betrayed every ounce of shock he felt. "I…" He shook his head. "Well, I'm happy you pulled your head out of your own ass…"

"Tch," Gosei picked his head up, crossing his arms. Natsuyo snickered. "I'd rather you not phrase it that way…"

"Oh well, it's whatever." Ryujin shrugged at his apology. "I never really… cared, since I knew you were wrong."

"Fair enough," murmured Gosei, having just finished his ramen. His eyes drawled over to Natsuyo's bowl, which seemed to have been empty for a while. He met her eyes and Natsuyo sighed, digging in her pockets.

A few seconds passed and she used both hands. Another few went by and she stood from her seat, frantically patting herself down… then she went pale. "I forgot my wallet…"

"You IDIOT!" Gosei facepalmed, almost popping a damn blood vessel. Groaning, he grabbed his own wallet and paid for them. "You owe me fifteen thousand ryo."

"... Okay," she huffed, kicking her heel against her foot. Her hands never left her pockets.

Ignoring her, Gosei looked to his sensei, letting out a breath. "Honestly, sensei, you came back at the perfect time."

"Oh, did I?" Ryujin said, raising his brow.

Gosei nodded. "My mother gave me her lioness contract, and I've been trying to earn their respect. The Lioness of Earth, Kandaka never resented me and I recently earned the respect of the Lioness of Water, Shimojin. Now… I have to earn the respect of the Lioness of Fire, Suani." Gosei's fist clenched, and he brought it to his face as he looked his sensei dead in the eyes.

"As the Avatar of the Sun… I see nobody better than you to teach me the spirit of fire."

"Hmph." A smirk slowly crossed Ryujin's face, as he looked up at the noon sky. "Well, let's not waste any time?"

"Well, then I'll go train with Kakashi-sensei again!" Natsuyo countered him with a grin, stepping back. "See 'ya Gosei, Ryujin-sensei!"

Ryujin waved while Gosei nodded. "Goodbye!"

With that… master and disciple went to isolate themselves… with a trial by fire.

—

Kusari took a day to prepare herself and inform her supporters of what she'd be getting up to. All of them were truly happy for her and supportive. It was par for the course, she should've expected it but dammit, she couldn't lie and say it wasn't at least a tad overwhelming at times. On top of that, there were only about a dozen Hyuuga that overwhelmed her. How the hell did Hinata handle this as a toddler—?

That wasn't important. At the news that she was on a mission to learn how to harness fate itself, without the Tenmei, her supporters seemed to have stars in their eyes. What made those stars shine brighter? Kusari promised to teach them too.

It didn't take her too much longer for her to arrive where she told Kotei to hide, back in the training grounds. Having a giant spider travelling with her would have caused too much alarm amongst the Hyuuga. But, now she was travelling with him… to training ground 7.

Despite being forced to wait for hours, Kotei just seemed… happy. "Y'know, I've never been to the Earth before! It looks just as green as it does from the stars!"

"That's nice," said Kusari, honestly, though it probably didn't sound that way.

Thankfully, Kotei caught on soon enough, giving a spider's version of a smile. "My favorite part is the trees. They're like stars! They might look the same from afar, but in detail they're all so unique! Each tree has its own story to tell! Just like every star does! It's beautiful!"

"I…" Kusari hummed, taking a moment to truly look at all the trees they were surrounded by. "I never thought about it that way."

"Did you think that of the stars before coming to my home?"

"Of course not," she responded quickly, as if it were obvious. "The stars are the guiding lights of the Hyuuga Clan. To take in anything less than every part of their majesty… would be a disservice."

"I see!" He blinked happily with all eight of his eyes. "That gives me hope that your thoughts on Tokomiya are going to change soon."

Kusari's demeanour turned bitter. "...Why would I accept the fate that declares that I'll destroy my clan?" Her lavender eyes turned to her like twin suns.

Immediately, Kotei's demeanour shrunk. "Because… as twins in Tokomiya… we're at our best when we're together. Twins in fate are meant to be in tandem, working as one. We'll never be at our full potential if you never accept your fate… accept me."

There was guilt that pained her heart. It was a shame such a kind individual had been born from such a putrid fate. "Then we'll have to be strong separately, I suppose."

Never, was the fate Kimimaro forced upon was going to define her.

Never, was she going to accept it.

With a sigh, Kusari realized that she should double check whether Sasuke was actually there. Her Byakugan flared to life. Great! Sasuke was there. So was Naruto. Hm… he would be a useful option, indeed. Perhaps another Kyuubi Rampage would help in exterminating Tsuchigumo… should he be taken care of. Which it probably would be considering that Kakashi was also there! Also, Natsuyo was present with them; she seemed to have surpassed her brother so maybe she was the better pick as opposed to Gosei as a whole?

"Convenient," Kusari muttered, smirking.

Kotei looked at her. "What is it?"

"My entire squad is right in one place…" She flickered forward, picking up the pace with Kotei doing so with little effort. A hum filled the battered Konoha canopy. "Hm… how powerful are you?"

"Uh, I don't know!" He had the nerve to smile when saying that. "I never really had the opportunity to… see. Though, I'm stronger than most of the other spiders that have less consequential fates to monitor. But among the spiders who oversee constellations…

"... I'm not really anything special. What that means in Shinobi terms, I have no clue."

Kusari was going to ask for a spar. It… would have been smarter to conserve her energy. "I see," was all she gave as a response.

Kotei gave one of those high-pitched spider-y giggles.

…This bug was going to grow on her, wasn't he?

It only took a few more seconds for them to reach Team 7 and Natsuyo. Naruto and the girl in question screamed immediately—

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" — "IS THAT A GIANT SPIDER?!"

"Wait, is that Ashu—?" Kusari slapped him atop his head, glaring.

Kotei pouted.

Kusari hated how that made her feel bad.

"...That is a unique summoning contract," Kakashi commented.

Sasuke, unphased, rolled his Sharingan eyes. "Did you come here to show off?"

"No, actually," Kusari said without missing a beat.

His Sharingan whirled with anticipation. "... Did you come to spar?"

"No." Her denial was flat.

He sucked his teeth.

"Kusari—of ALL the summoning contracts to choose, why would you take SPIDERS?!" Naruto screamed out, pointing at Kotei.

The spider in question smiled and waved. "Hi! I'm Kotei!"

"I'm… Naruto Uzumaki?" An unsure greeting was followed by a disjointed wave.

Kotei giggled. "I know!"

"How?!" The boy panicked.

Kotei used another leg to point to the sky. "You see a lot when you live in the stars."

"... What."

"You must've seen how bright I burn, right?!" Natsuyo puffed her chest out and grinned.

Kotei turned his attention to her, still smiling. "Uh… The one in charge of your fate is great at upkeep, yes!"

"Yes!" she cheered.

Kakashi and Sasuke continued to watch as Kotei delved into an… interesting conversation with Naruto and Natsuyo. The Jonin turned his attention back to Kusari, brow raised. "Well, what brings you here…?"

"Yes, yes, I would like to recruit everybody here on a mission of high importance." Kusari walked over to him, drowning out the noise of Naruto and Natsuyo's voices.

Intrigue crossed Sasuke's face while suspicion laced Kakashi's. "Mhm…"

"It has come to my attention that in the northern border of the Land of Fire, a Yokai known as Tsuchigumo has been wreaking havoc. In order to secure the safety of Konoha in this vulnerable time, as well as prove myself to the spiders, I wanted to bring this to your attention so it can be taken care of."

"...That is above your paygrade, Kusari," Kakashi said flatly. "When I was in ANBU, there were only three missions I have ever failed…" His tone turned dark and Kusari braced herself. "... and my mission to hunt Tsuchigumo was one of them."

"Does that mean you're scared to try again?" countered Kusari, tensing.

A deadpanned look crossed the Jonin's face. "No. It means that I don't want Genin on an S-Rank mission."

"It wouldn't have been my first and I came back just fine!" Kusari made direct contact with Kakashi's visible eye. "On top of that, you will have information which I can say with confidence, you didn't have before." She gestured to Kotei, who was still talking to the two blondes. "That information, via my summonee, is tied to me.

"Even if you don't want to bring the other three, you will need to bring me, if you want a reasonable chance of success on this mission." Did Kusari embellish? A biiit. Did Kakashi see through it? Probably. But, her logic was sound, was it not?

Kakashi's response seemed to agree. "I suppose…" Consideration crossed his face like gritted teeth.

Sasuke watched his sensei with anticipation in his Sharingan eyes.

The other three were too occupied to notice.

"Kusari, what is the name of your summonee?" asked the Jonin.

"Kotei."

"Thanks!" Kakashi said with an eye-smile, trekking over beside the spider, catching his attention. "Hello, Kotei."

"Hello Kakashi Hatake!" Kotei, stepping backward to face him.

Natsuyo crossed her arms. "That was rude, we were talking!"

"This is important," Kakashi brushed her off as he looked down at Kotei. "Now, how much accurate information do you know of… Tsuchigumo of the Yokai?"

"Quite a lot," answered Kotei, looking serious for once. "He was the first summoner of the Spider Clan, and he committed a great atrocity against us. There isn't a time where he isn't being monitored. But, because of the role of the spiders, it's difficult for us to spend time tracking him down physically, on the earth.

"Any spider powerful enough on their own has a role equally time consuming."

"Mhm…" Kakashi considered. "I can't say I'm too familiar with a spider's body language, so I can't tell if you're lying or not."

"I have no reason to lie," Kotei said sternly. "My only wish is to right the wrong against my clan, and to assist Kusari on her journey."

"Is that right…?" muttered the Jonin.

Kusari spoke up. "The Queen of the Spiders said the same thing. I don't see why they would… lie about this."

"I suppose. There are unspoken codes of honor between summoners and contractors… to betray the goodwill of the summoner would be breaking the contract, and nobody wants the consequences of breaking a contract…"

Kakashi sighed, defeated, but upon looking at Naruto… a sense of confidence steeled him. "Sasuke, Naruto, Natsuyo, Kusari, prepare yourselves.

"We are going on an S-Rank mission to track down Tsuchigumo of the Yokai."

—

It had been years since she last did this. The day had barely started and Hinata was sitting here. Hyuuga maids were making her a dress, doing her makeup, perfecting her hairstyle, all down to the most intimate detail. Father ordered her to do this in order to 'cement her reputation' after Kusari's downfall. Lady White Eyes needed to make a true comeback. This didn't make her as happy as she wished it did. It still felt… overwhelming, all of it. Hinata wished it back for so long and now that she finally got her wish, she still couldn't appreciate it. What was wrong with her? Disgraceful.

Layers of robes held her down, restricted her movements—it wasn't heavy like they were when she was a child, but they were still suffocating. At least the makeup was subtle, standard; it didn't intrude much on her. Though she could have done it herself, like she had every day she left her home since her mother passed. She should've been used to this; every touch on her face, her body—she was hypersensitive to it. It was hot, like she was in a swarm; overstimulating, even the sound of her own breathing was too loud. Too close, everything was too close, the walls were closing in, she was being smothered—

—No, no… thinking about this wasn't productive. Facing the Hyuuga in a sour mood was not a good idea. Hanabi was so, so pure, so good… and waiting for her on that stage. Never did Hinata truly fail in keeping her composure, but she hated thinking about the fact that she'd have to in spades today, especially with Hanabi as a witness. Miya-sensei came to mind but so did the way she failed her as Shino's teammate. The thought of Kiba was equally heartbreaking.. Immediately, she ceased that train of thought.

Away from her obligations, away from her failed responsibilities, away from her pain… Shinrai? Shinrai… he still made her sad, but thankfully not in the same way everyone else did. Sad in the way you'd look upon a wounded animal. He was just lost—like she was for so long (like how she pretended she still wasn't.) However, seeing him in his current state, it made her think of how far she came since the time before her blessing; when looking at him it was a mirror that revealed her own progress. In an admittedly selfish way, it was gratifying. Now, how could she bring him up to where she was now?

Who got her out of her rut was Miya, and Bontena's blessing only solidified it. What Shinrai needed—if what her old self was anything to go by—was somebody to let him know that he mattered. Though, if Miya hadn't gotten through to him, then that meant he was stubborn, or he was so deep that he was beyond being help—Hinata almost shook her head profusely, but she stayed still so her maids could continue their work. Please hurry up.

No, no, he wasn't beyond helping. There was nobody that was beyond kindness, she liked to think. 'A deadman' was the answer he came to. Corpses were still valuable, graves were worthy of upkeep; that didn't change a thing, if he truly was as he described. Unfortunately, Hinata didn't know him, so she couldn't make an assumption for herself.

Though, Shinrai made his own assumption about her, and it turned out to be surprisingly true.

"You look like the type of person that always wants to scream."

Who was Shinrai… to her? If she had to answer his question for him, like he did for her, then who would he be? Thoughts flowed like a stream, one that was calm and one that didn't bring her pain. Everything overwhelming felt a little farther. The claustrophobia loosened its grip and Hinata could breathe.

As for Shinrai?

The Wounded Rabbit. That was who he was. Somebody who simply… needed help. Everybody did to an extent, but, to her, Shinrai needed it more than most. The memories of her hands stained with his blood never left her. She knew they could never leave.

"Lady White Eyes!" one of her maids said, with all of them—finally—stepping back. "You are ready." All of them bowed to her.

Hinata let out a heavy—albeit grateful sigh. "Thank you." With a breath… her blessing spread across her. Lady White Eyes finally embodied her title. Pearl midnight suns shone in her sclera as white chakra drifted around the room like a wave of peace. But… the mark brought her everything but—all she felt were all of her existing emotions tenfold. They were stronger—the irritation, the exhaustion, the overstimulation—her clan was so loud—all of the weight on her shoulders compounded. Everybody ten steps away felt like they were only one, and…

…Hinata wanted to scream.

Alas, she couldn't. The smile on her face felt like it was cut into her face with broken glass. Hidden tears from her eyes joined the blood flowing down her cheeks.

Nobody could see.

She wouldn't let a soul witness this.

Hinata walked out of her tent of preparation. A crowd of the Hyuuga Clan members were awaiting her. After the slightest hesitation, they all cheered at the sight of her. No, they didn't. They cheered at the sight of her White Eyes. Had she come out like she did on any other day, they wouldn't give a damn. To her left, was her father, standing tall like the Head he was. To her right was Hanabi. Her presence brought Hinata the bit of solace that she needed to exist on this plane. The look Hanabi gave her shook that solace.

At the sight of her so-called blessing, Hanabi gulped, doing her best to school her face into a smile, a skill that she should have never learned from Hinata. So uneasy—the White Eyes that the Hyuuga adored, Hanabi almost hated. For once, Hinata seemed inclined to agree—no. No, she needed to keep herself together… despite it all.

The Hyuuga Clan remained to push her away with their empty, meaningless cheers. The Main Branch members sat front and center, while everybody else had to stand. Shouko's Byakugan was active, looking where he shouldn't be, with the smile that made her skin crawl to no end. She felt his eyes like mold growing on every crevice in her body—Just being in his presence was rotting her beauty and sanity away. Please stop, she begged but nobody heard it because she hid it all away.

To them, she was overjoyed.

They wouldn't know of anything else.

A part of her wished they witnessed it. if they loved her then they'd notice anyway

With her wound of a smile, Hinata spoke. Empty words of assurance flowed from her mouth like water. Come tomorrow, she'd be unable to recall a syllable of what she said here. Yet, she could recite every word of what Shinrai said to her yesterday. All Hinata saw was her clan being mesmerized by her empty, empty words. Some had smiles as true and wide as the sky, while others had endearment shining in their lavender eyes. All of them were happy to bear witness to her; at least this meant well to them… as much as it hurt her.

Hinata spoke words of love to the ones she loved, and yet they didn't love her back.

Love me, love me, why don't you love me? you used to, why don't you anymore?

Their smiles grew and some cheered preemptively as she reached the climax of her speech of nothing.

Why don't any of you love me? like you once did every day

The bleeding smile on her face was cut even wider.

Thread by thread, she was coming apart—I love you so much and you don't love me.

Thread by thread, she became undone—Why can't any of you requite my love?

Thread by thread, she had been stripped to nothing—I'm giving you my heart, my everything and you can't give me more than a smile.

Thread by thread… Hinata had fallen apart. "Hyuuga Clan, I will love you forever and not even death will stop my love for you!" Even if you'll never love me the same.

Noise, noise—so much noise rose from their joy, their happiness, and Hinata simply couldn't feel the same. A tear slipped from the crack in her mask—the smile on her face was slashed from ear to ear; it had never been wider.

All of their cheers were just noise. Her clan was a damn circus and there was no bigger fool than, of course, her. The White Eyed Clown—the main show, the attraction everyone came to laugh at while she cried and bled all over her face. All of this was a joke—that was all she was, the stars' most prized jester.

But, finally, it was over. Hinata turned her back to the Hyuuga and started to walk home. Immediately, Hanabi did the same, grabbing for her hand through the layers of royal robes. That brought all of the peace she needed to let her mark fade. Everything felt so much more distant, everything felt better. Her scarred smile shrank, but it would never, ever fade.

Father stayed to give closing words to the clan and dismiss them. Hinata simply kept walking forward. She was not going to deal with Shouko today, please, no. Upon her deep breath, Hanabi grabbed Hinata's hand even tighter.

Strong, Hinata needed to stay strong. She couldn't fall apart in front of Hanabi. With all the effort she could muster, Hinata wove herself back together (it was less effective than she'd like), and walked faster.

She needed to go home.

Thankfully, Hanabi didn't protest.

The moment she opened the door, she led her sister in and shut it. The breath she let out was ugly and Hinata hated that Hanabi had to witness it. "I apologize, Hanabi."

"Big sis…" Hanabi frowned. Her eyes had never looked duller and Hinata never hated herself more for being the reason. "I don't think you're up to being Clan Head."

"I-I'm… sorry?" Hinata's brows furrowed—dread dug into her skin and pulled as painfully as it could.

Hanabi put her other hand on Hinata's and her eyes peered into hers. "The Hyuuga Clan doesn't make you happy. It's true that you make them happy, but it's not good if they make you so sad."

"Hanabi." Hinata forced herself to inhale to get ahead of her stutter. "This was the exception, not the rule."

"I know when you lie to me, Big Sis." Hanabi said, frown deepening, a bit of frustration biting in her eyes. "I always know when you lie, I always knew when you cried, I refuse to let you keep doing this to yourself!" Hanabi's grip around Hinata's hand tightened. "The Hyuuga love me, too! I can make them happy, and that makes me happy, Hinata!"

Her eyes went wide and her hand started to shake in Hanabi's grip. Hinata had always knew this, to an extent—that Hanabi saw through her like nobody else—but to hear it like this hurt.

Again, she was nothing but a damned failure.

"I know that tear wasn't a happy one, just… be happy, please! Let me be Clan Head so you can be happy. Everyone'll be happy if I'm Clan head, but everyone except for you will be happy if you are."

"Hanabi—" Hinata wanted to sound scolding, but it sounded like she wanted to cry (She did. She really did.). "I-I was born first, being Head is my-y responsi-ibility—" Damn this stutter!

"Yeah, you have a lot of responsibility, one of them was to help me grow…" Hanabi almost glared into her sister's eyes. "And my responsibility is to surpass you. Let me do that so you can be happy, please, Big Sis!"

Hinata didn't know why she was stunned. This was the girl that she raised. The fact that she was seen through like this hurt—especially by the one she was responsible for, that she had to be strong for. Hanabi still saw all of her weaknesses. Why was she never strong enough—why was she always a failure?

A heavy sigh slumped Hinata to her knees as she pulled Hanabi into an embrace. "I-I truly appreciate you, Hanabi. More than anything else i-in this world." Before she could respond, Hinata stood, putting on a true smile that didn't need any cuts to exist. "Thank you, little sister."

"For what?" she asked, looking up, unsure.

Hinata's smile grew. "For being the way you are."

"Stop trying to chan—"

"I'm going to go relax, okay?" She cut her off harshly, but softly, drifting her hand off of Hanabi. "Please, go find something to occupy yourself with, alright?" Let me be, please.

A beat of silence passed before Hanabi said, "... Okay." She let out a dejected sigh, shaking her head.

Hinata's smile mixed with a frown as she turned her back and walked off.

"I love you, big sis!"

Hinata stopped, feeling her heart warm as she let out a sigh. "I love you as well, little sister." Finally, Hinata retreated to her room. It was new, barren; her bed didn't even have a frame yet. The only thing she managed to—thankfully—salvage was the portrait of her mother. Though, she had to replace the cracked glass. The picture remained mostly intact on its own.

She dug her hands into her face and let out a silent scream. Everything was too heavy. It was too much. Why didn't her Blessing help her anymore? All it did was make what she already felt worse. It made everyone stand closer, the weight pile on heavier, each wound hurt more. She didn't even want to think about activating it.

Why couldn't Hanabi be as blind as everybody else was? Hanabi shouldn't feel responsible for her—for her happiness. If the blessing couldn't make her happy, then nothing could.

Hinata shook her head, feeling the urge to claw into her skin. This wasn't productive. This wasn't good. This shouldn't be happening. She shouldn't waste her time whining. With another ugly sigh, Hinata finally looked around her nigh-empty room with a frown. Her eyes stopped on a dash of red on the self. A ball of cotton yarn, with a needle nearby.

When was the last time she knit something? She had bartered for it on impulse a few days before. It had been a while. Maybe that would get her mind off of this… to calm her nerves. With a deep sigh, Hinata got up off the floor and grabbed the yarn, threading the needle. This shade of red was really pretty, now that she was looking at it, like a fabric of cherry.

With that, she sat on her floor mattress and started working. She didn't have much of a vision for the finished product, besides something simple due to how rusty she was. Knitting, knitting, she just kept knitting.

Thread by thread, she weaved the yarn into something beautiful.

Thread by thread, Hinata felt herself coming back together.

By noon, there was a scarf in her hand. The high sun peered through the window and Hinata observed it, feeling how soft it was, how pretty it glistened in the sunlight. A scarf wasn't her type of fashion, no. At the same time, she couldn't just let it waste. Who could she give this to…? Who needed this…?

Ah, there.

It looks like you…

…Shinrai.

—

Baiko, Baiko, Baiko… He was barely hanging on. Shinrai stared aimlessly at the chain floating in front of him. Baiko, Baiko, Baiko, I need to keep going for Baiko… That was the only reason this dead man kept walking, that was what it felt like, at least. How long had it been since he sat his ass on this couch? Miya was out. It felt like it'd been weeks since he sat, but it couldn't have been more than an hour. He didn't make any progress on these Chains…

Shinrai wished he could keep lying how he used to; that way, the corpse he was could still pretend to be alive. He used to be a good actor, now it was all gone. Allllll gone. Why did everybody care so much about a corpse? It made no sense. Nothing about him was worth care—he was just a toxic heap of rotting flesh. Fuck.

He wasn't worthy of being anybody's friend, anybody's family, especially anybody's lover.

Everyone he ever loved got hurt because of him. He deserved to feel like this—so he could understand a fraction of the suffering he'd put everyone through.

Everyone, everyone, everyone.

Why couldn't everyone let him die—"Baiko, Baiko, Baiko, I need to save Baiko, I need to save Baiko, I need to save Baiko." Shinrai grit his teeth and his Sharingan whirled, analyzing the chakra of the chains. "These chains will help me save Baiko." His breath spread up and felt the urge to scream. To look into the sober sun and tear his voice apart, let his eyes be burned into uselessness.

"I can't—" Shinrai grit his teeth. Why wasn't his mind his anymore? Everything was falling apart. Chains, chains, focus on the damn chains! Shinrai forced himself to draw a seal—in a golden flash, the ink was blown off of the chain, onto his shirt and the couch. Shinrai wiped the ink from him and sighed, his body going limp as he slumped in his seat.

There was a knock on the door. It was in a certain pattern… he wasn't Miya; he didn't recognize it. Either way, Shinrai had to answer it. He was more thankful for the interruption than he'd thought. Hopefully it was Ryu; Ryu… was chill. He was starting to calm him like how Miya did.

However, his hopes failed. As always.

Lavender eyes beamed into his, accompanied by a gentle lotus smile. "Hello, Shinrai."

"Hi…" Of fucking course it'd be her. Shinrai let out a sigh. Hinata had a Byakugan, she knew whether Miya was home or not. She was here for him. His eyes looked down to the folded, red fabric in her hands. It looked soft, especially when it was held by her silky hands—

—Shinrai forced himself to look away from her. "What's up?"

"This is for you." Hinata presented the red fabric to him, her smile growing. Instead of looking so stiff like she always was before she saved his life, she was calm, loose, relaxed.

Shinrai just… stared at it. "What is it?"

"It's a scarf!" she answered. "I was bored, so I began to knit. When I finished, I thought it looked like something that fit you."

"It's the summer…" Shinrai said, shaking his head, analyzing the scarf. "It's hot."

"That may be true," she agreed. "But the cold will come regardless, so why not prepare for it?" Hinata unfolded the scarf, showing its length; it was long enough to wrap around his neck a few times over. "I don't want you to be cold, Shinrai."

His eyes went wide, his Sharingan turned just that little bit. What—"Uh…" Why? Shinrai just stared at Hinata—her silky hands, her calm smile, short hair, her guarded eyes. Just like before, she was becoming undone, he could peek into her soul. All he saw was… genuine kindness—Hinata cared. She cared when she needed to the least.

She didn't want him to be cold. Could she peek into him like he could to her? How—? Cold, he didn't want to be cold, either. "I…" Shinrai just looked at her, dumbfounded.

Hinata's head titled, endearment parted her lips, her teeth showed just a bit with her blooming lotus smile. "Do you want me to put it on for you?"

"Uh…" Why the fuck couldn't he get a sentence out?! "Uh, yeah, sure. Sorry…"

"There's no need to apologize," Hinata giggled softly. "It's my bad for being sudden."

"Yeah…" he half-heartedly agreed, leaning down to make Hinata's job easier. She brought her hands up and she placed the scarf around his neck. Her hands danced around him as she put it on, finishing by resting her hands on his scarfed shoulders. So gentle, her touch was so gentle.

Shinrai forced his breathing to slow and his heart too—the scarf was so soft, so fuzzy, it immediately made him want to fall asleep. The way Hinata's soul peeked through the pale lavender of her eyes made everything just that bit less cold. Why did her smile do that to him? Why did he want to—nonono. Not again. I'm not.

"It fits you, Shinrai," she simply said.

Well, Shinrai couldn't see himself… but he decided to trust her word. "Thanks, Hinata…" He didn't know what else to say.

"You're welcome, Shinrai." Her lotus smile shrank as she took a step back. "I'm afraid that I can't stay for too long."

"Oh…" Why did that disappoint him? "Well, I'm not gonna hold you up anymore…"

"Good day, Shinrai!" She turned her back and walked off.

All Shinrai could respond with was a disjointed wave. He watched her leave for a few more seconds than was necessary before he closed the door. His hand drifted to the scarf Hinata made him, he cherished the fabric, rubbing it against his cheek and Shinrai felt the urge to sleep right then and there.

Most importantly, it was warm. It was like he'd never feel cold again when he was wearing it. But, alas, that wasn't the truth. Shinrai clutched the scarf and grit his teeth. He still couldn't understand why she cared—? Was she just another Karin that he had to watch out for? Shinrai hated himself for thinking about Karin like that. He just couldn't understand, he couldn't understand—but he needed to in order to get better.

Hypothermia was never going to win again.

He needed to save Baiko.

When Shinrai sat back down to work on his chains, his thoughts didn't drift as much, the cold didn't grip him as tightly. It was still there… but it was manageable, not as much as it used to be, though. Progress was made on his Adamantine—he got one simple sealing formula onto it. Granted, it was just a basic explosive tag, but… it was a start.

One thing that was for sure… was that Shinrai wasn't going to take this scarf off anytime soon.

It was warm.

like he wished everything else was

—

Why did she still want him? Karin, again, was at the apartment, alone, doing nothing. She was such a fucking waste of a human being. Naruto was out on a mission, bettering himself while she was just… sulking. Shinrai, Shinrai, she hated how much she still wanted Shinrai. Never had she been closer, so intimate, with somebody—never. She fucked it up. She fucked it allll up and they were both ruined. She wanted his words again, his companionship, his body on hers and her lips on his—god she was pathetic.

Back here, she was still back here and it was all her fault, all alone; she didn't care how much it would hurt her, she just needed somebody to hurt with. Shinrai, she just needed him by her side, why why why she didn't know—he couldn't help but his existence meant so much to her—No! It could never be Shinrai, never again because she was sick of bringing him down lower and lower until they were both in hell. Was there anyone that could make her feel not alone again—anybody?! She needed to be better than this; she needed to be better than this; she needed to be better than this.

Proud, she needed to become a version of herself that she (Shinrai) could be proud of.

Miya.

Karin needed to be like Miya.

Not like this… Thankfully, a knock on the apartment door knocked her out of her thoughts. Her senses immediately clung to whoever was there. Miya. It was Miya. With a relieved breath, Karin made herself look presentable and rushed to open the door for her. "Hi, Miya!" Karin wasn't smiling, but somehow the muted excitement was apparent in her tone.

Miya chuckled, putting a hand on Karin's head. That unbreakable care radiated onto her and she bathed in it… Karin resisted the urge to pull Miya into a hug…

…Miya pulled Karin into her arms and held on tight. She was… silent. Both of them were. All Miya had was the genuine concern and care that she felt—that she knew Karin would feel too…

…Sighing, Karin gave into her urges and gave Miya a hug. The woman's chuckles went silent but the care in her chakra only grew as it utterly consumed Karin. It helped, again, again, it helped. Miya was warmer than Shinrai. With Miya nearby, it felt like anything terrible that came by would only be bad. Another deep breath, then Karin pulled away.

"Are you okay?" asked Miya immediately after.

Karin rolled her eyes at the question, a bit lighthearted, quite cynical. "Do I have a reason to be?"

"Fair…" Miya sighed. "Sorry, I know I said yesterday—but I've had a lot to do."

"I'm happy you're coming at all…" admitted Karin, looking down at her feet.

Putting a hand on her back, Miya let out another discomforting chuckle. "You're making me feel bad…" It was the truth, Karin felt it.

All she responded with was a shrug. "Sorry?"

"Don't worry about it!" Miya cracked a smile that was faker than not. "Are you ready for what I have planned?"

"I guess so…" Anything's better than wasting away here.

Miya nodded and Karin walked off behind her, shutting the door. They walked out and were greeted by the beating sun—Karin immediately felt the bake of a Konoha summer. The weather was the one thing she missed about Grass.

"Okay, this isn't relevant now… but, how good are you with seals?"

"I learned some basics from my mother… I'm not that good." Karin shrugged, looking dejectedly at the ground as they walked.

"Ah…" Miya responded, nodding still. "I was going to see if I could teach you the Adamantine Sealing Chains, since I just told Naruto about it, but if you're not that good with seals I guess it could wait until you're better at it. But that's not immediate, anyway…"

"I see," was all she could say. "To be honest… I don't really think I care about getting stronger…"

"Karin, you're a Shinobi, you have to," said Miya, giving her a more stern look. The seriousness in her chakra whirled like a tightening tornado of rope. "You can never let your blade dull."

"Yeah… you're right." It's never my choice, anyway. Silence fell as they continued their walk toward wherever the hell Miya was taking her. Before long, they reached a rather large building, and Karin's senses allowed her to feel… children.

Lots and lots of children. This obviously wasn't the Academy.

"This is the orphanage." Miya introduced Karin to the building with a smile. Pride and joy swelled like an Adamantine sun within her.

Karin stood, blinking, sensing it in detail. It was just… innocent, but far from bliss. Most of these kids were sad, the younger ones were innocent to what their sadness really meant; it was almost kind of empty, with flickers of surface level happiness. Of course, there were older orphans… their thoughts were darker, their sadness was deeper… and so was their vengeance.

"When I was the acting Hokage, the place I put the most energy into was the orphanage. It was a blessing that we were able to evacuate every innocent child in Konoha, but many of them had Shinobi as parents, who were killed in the invasion. Even more… had no homes to return to.

"I had to make a place where they could be taken care of." Somber care made her sun dim, like a gentle overcast covering shrouding the sky. "Being here's going to be good for you, honestly. If you want to be like me… then you have to be able to recognize the innocence in a child's eyes…" her mouth remained open, as if the words she wanted to say weren't quite ready to come out.

Miya's eyes peered into hers, the sparkles of Adamantine like mini pupils in of themselves. The longer they held the eye contact, the sadder Miya became; the clouds covering her sun thickened and drops of rain fell like silent tears. Shaking her head, the rain subsided and she continued talking. "Well, anyway, that's what I want you to do! I'm gonna drop you off to where the younger kids are, so you can watch them, help out, y'know?"

"Okay!" Karin didn't really know how to feel about this. Kids were never really a thing on her mind. Locked in Blade's headquarters or being a prisoner under Orochimaru, she never really saw any. On paper… they seemed nice, beings untainted by the bullshit of their own minds.

Miya grabbed onto Karin's hand and led her in. The interior was less childish than she was expecting. Most of the area was full with beige tile, matching the walls with some darker brown carpeted areas around a library, the play areas, and other places where the children would be. It was quite open as well, with entire walls being made up of windows; as dull as some of the colors were, it was a bright building.

Karin was led to the front desk, where an older, chubby lady greeted them with a smile. "Oh! Lady Miya, it's an honor to see you again!" Despite everything, this lady seemed to have made it her goal to stay happy. Deep, deep down, Karin could feel what was like dead soil—but it was hidden by layers of warm, colorful cotton sheets.

Is everyone in Konoha this… hopeful? That's what it feels like… Karin felt the lady's attention narrow in on her. "Oh? You didn't tell me you had a daughter! I can tell she's inherited your beauty as well!"

Miya let out a bashful laugh while Karin just avoided eye contact, looking at the ground. Thankfully, Miya responded. "No, no, we're not related. She is an Uzumaki, though!" She squeezed her hand, whispering, "introduce yourself."

"Uh…" she cleared her throat. "I'm Karin, and I'm here to help with the younger kids."

"Aw, is that right?" The woman gave her a bright smile. "It warms my heart to have youth as good as you."

That compliment ripped open a new hole in her heart. Little did she know… Miya, quickly, put her hand on Karin's back and pushed her gently toward the lady. "I'm gonna leave her here with you, I still have plenty of things to do."

"Wait, what—?" Karin panicked just a little bit as she looked at Miya.

The older Uzumaki's care and assurance swelled out toward her. "Don't worry, I believe you can handle this. Especially with Ms. Kiyoko's help!"

The woman beamed at her. With a sigh, Karin forced herself to relax. It was an orphanage. What the hell could possibly happen to her here? At least she was doing something to keep her mind off of… everything. "Alright," she said.

A smile crossed Miya's face and she gave Karin a quick, tight hug before walking off. She gave a wave to Karin and Kiyoko. "Good luck you two!"

"Thank you!" said Kiyoko while Karin just silently watched as Miya left the orphanage. The moment she was out the door, Kiyoko turned her smile back to her. "Alright, let me show you the kids!"

…Yay. "Okay!" said Karin, trying to sound enthusiastic. If she was around a bunch of sad kids then she'd at least try to sound happy. Did she have the energy to keep that up? She hoped so… for their sake. These kids deserved better, so, so much better.

"So, what made you want to help them?" asked Kiyoko.

Karin dreaded the fact that she had to answer. Tired, she was tired of lying and pretending… The truth was terrifying, but it wasn't draining. "I… I lived a less than stellar life, did things I hate myself for… and then I was lucky enough to come here, meet Miya. I need to do better; I want to be like her so I can do that. So… she brought me here."

"Ah…" said the woman, nodding sagely at her answer. "Y'know I really respect that you're trying to better yourself; that makes you a lot better than most, believe you me. In my years… I've seen my fair share of terrible things, and most of them are because people are too stubborn to accept that they're doing wrong.

"It warms my heart to see that the youth aren't following in the footsteps of people I've grown up with…"

The dead soil beneath her cotton exterior turned bitter while the cotton itself curled with hope—shining like it was alight with fire, the Will of Fire.

Karin wondered if Kiyoko would think the same if she knew everything that she'd done… the damage she'd caused. It was wrong to doubt the things the woman may have seen, but, Karin couldn't help but think her story might've broken her will to forgive, her will to have hope.

For both of their sakes, Karin didn't share. She just let out a hum. "Thanks…" she said, half-heartedly.

Even still, Kiyoko smiled. Their walk continued into the orphanage, going over to the left side of the building, where the children were. The closer Karin got, the less their chakras felt like a depressed conglomerate and more like… actual people. There were easily over a couple hundred orphans in just this section…

"How old are these kids again?" asked Karin.

Kiyoko let out a sigh, it would've been unreadable had it not been for Karin's senses… It was sad. "Five to ten, Academy age. Most of the orphans here end up as Shinobi."

That made Karin's tongue go bitter. "Why?"

Kiyoko just shrugged. "Well, there has to be somebody to fight so less orphans come here…"

It seems like there are more orphans because there are people fighting. It felt stupid to say that aloud, so Karin just responded with a nod.

"Ms. Kiyoko!" A little girl walked up to the two. Her hair was pretty, a glistening blue like a clear sea. Her eyes were a dark yellow, but bright in every other way imaginable. Her chakra rang out like an eclipse. Something so bright and pure shadowed by something so dark and cold.

It was a dichotomy that almost reminded her of Shinrai. At least… how he once was.

"Kuroya!" Kiyoko kneeled down to hug the girl, who grinned in her grasp—her brightness became blinding, absorbed in the affection. Her grin made dimples crease in her dark skin as she pulled back, looking up at Karin. "Who's this girl?"

"I'm Karin," she answered for herself for once. "I'm uh… a volunteer."

"Oh, cool!" Her grin didn't falter as she reached her hand out. "Nice to meet you!"

She's… sociable… Karin, a bit awkwardly, shook her hand.

All of a sudden, there was a loud cry from the other side of this section in the orphanage. Karin could feel wailing, childish displeasure from another girl. Kuroya looked sad, her sun dimming even further, while Kiyoko just sighed. "Kuroya, can I trust you to show Karin around?"

"Yep!"

Wait, what—

"I'll be back to check in with you!" Kiyoko said with a gentle smile before rushing off to the crying child.

Kuroya stepped in front of Karin. "Hi, I'm Kuroya!"

"Hi…?" Karin introduced herself.

"Are you an orphan too?"

Well. Direct, this one was. There wasn't any malice, of course there wasn't. It was just… genuine curiosity. "Yeah…"

"Oh, so you live here, too?" Kuroya tilted her head, eyes beaming.

"No… I'm a Shinobi, so I can live on my own. I don't live by myself, though."

"With who?" Kuroya continued to ask questions, questions, and more questions. Karin couldn't be mad at her…

Karin debated whether she should answer or not. The Kyuubi attack was a… sore subject for Konoha orphans. Though… the youngest ones wouldn't be any younger than Naruto himself. This should be fine? "Naruto… Naruto Uzumaki."

"Huh, I thought the Demon Twins were brothers?" she asked curiously, no judgement. "And I thought his name was Shinrai—"

"I'm not part of that… I'm just a friend of theirs." Oversimplifying it that much hurt.

"Oh, cool!" Kuroya giggled. "Well, I guess I'll finallly show you around!" With all the confidence in the world, she grabbed Karin's hand and pulled her along.

Letting the girl lead her, Karin decided to ask a question herself. "How long have you been here?"

"Since forever!" she answered with a grin, not looking back at her. "Some evil person called Orochimaru killed my parents when I was a baby, so this place has always been my home."

The fire of fury roasted and churned inside of her. That bastard… He ruined and tore apart everything he touched, couldn't help but spread his evil in every nook and fucking cranny of the world. "I'm sorry…"

"It's okay! It… it might sound weird, but I think I'm grateful for it, y'know? Being here," Kuroya said. "A lot of other kids have their parents killed because of all the Shinobi business; they're sad when they come here, they're confused and don't know what to do.

"So… I help them!" Kuroya said. "I like to help with the really young kids, they all call me big sis! Especially the kids that are in my age group, since I get to talk to them a lot lot more!" Her brightness became the sun—the shadows of her internal eclipse going far, far away as she talked about her passion, what made her happy.

She took the worst imaginable situation and made it something… beautiful. This little girl did what Karin never could. A melancholic inferiority—appreciation spread in her heart. It was like dying to a poisonous rose. "That's… great to hear." No wonder Ms. Kiyoko trusts her so much… Kuroya reminded her of Naruto.

But, of course, Karin could tell there was more than to what she was saying. Her sun was shrouded by the moon, after all. There was darkness and dullness plaguing her light. It felt wrong to try to poke and see—it was wrong. Karin… let her be happy.

Eventually they came to the library section, and there was a girl sitting cross legged in a chair, reading a book. "Suirami! Hi!"

A pale girl, also with blue hair, looked up. Her green glasses were thick and bold across her face, and she was swaddled in blankets. "Oh… uh… hi." From what Karin could tell, she was definitely on the younger side.

Kuroya seemed to be on the older side herself.

The younger girl's chakra was flooded, like a dull, still pond the size and depth of the ocean. At its center seemed to be a sort of… peace, where she resided right now, with her nose in a book. Unceremoniously, Suirami pointed a finger at Karin. "Who's that?"

"This is Karin!" Kuroya introduced her before Karin could herself. "She's an older volunteer!"

"Another one?" she asked bluntly.

There's another—? "Uh, yeah, I am."

Silence didn't get a chance to fall before Kuroya spoke again. "Suirami's new," she said, to Karin, but obviously not being quiet about it either.

New… murmured Karin. That meant she was orphaned by Konoha Crush. Another bitter hurt made its way through her heart. "Ah, I see…" Karin kneeled down. What would Miya do, what would Miya do?

…What did Miya do for me? "What do you… want to do?"

Kuroya watched on, smiling bright, bright, brightly. Suirami shut her book, using her finger to keep her page. In her seat, she shifted—with her giant pond being stirred within. "Uh…" She didn't really say anything.

That peace Suirami had washed over—defensive waves stirring, guarding against her.

Karin's heart cracked a little bit.

Kuroya stepped forward, sitting beside Suirami on the chair and turning her smile to her. "Don't worry! Ms. Karin's nice!"

Suirami's guard lowered and she shifted back, away from Karin. "Uh, I dunno. I think books are cool. I like books." At that statement, that little island of peace she had returned.

Well… that wasn't much she could work with. "That's nice…" Karin responded, having no idea what to say next.

"DON'T DOUBT ME! I'M GOING TO BE THE GREATEST SHINOBI OF ALL TIME!"

All three of them looked over to see a black-haired boy standing on a table, navy eyes flickering as the kids around him were laughing. Karin could see that he was thin, definitely small for his age. On top of that… he was talking about being a Shinobi.

Karin hated to doubt him, but he did not look built for it… at all.

"Darn, Naoya!" Kuroya's brightness flickered with… disappointment. "I thought I told you to stop," she said, more-so to herself than him. She waved bye to Suirami and pulled Karin away toward Naoya.

Karin gave her own disjointed wave to Suirami before letting Kuroya drag her. As she did, the young girl whispered into Karin's ear. "Before she was orphaned, Suirami almost drowned, and that messed up her memory. So don't be offended if she doesn't remember you."

"Oh, okay…" she responded, more than a bit dejected. I wonder if I could heal her…

"Naoya, you failed the Academy entrance exam three times!" said another orphan, looking fully exasperated with his antics.

Naoya looked and felt like he was about to cry. His chakra just rang out with desperation like a thousand brittle blades trying to cut down an invincible wall, breaking over and over. Every part of him hurt. "That doesn't matter because I'll just succeed next time!" he yelled out.

He obviously didn't believe himself.

Kuroya's dark and light melded as a frustrated frown pulled at her face. Letting go of Karin, she jogged up onto the table where Naoya stood and grabbed him off. "C'mon, let's calm down—"

"No!" he yelled out, pulling out of her grip. "My name is Naoya Nozomi! My parents were outstanding Shinobi and I'm going to honor their legacy by following in their footsteps! The more you doubt me the more that's going to push me forward! I can't wait to prove all of you wrong!"

There still… wasn't an ounce of belief in his own words.

Kuroya's frustration grew as she yanked him off the table. "Stop being loud, you dang idiot!" She glared at him.

Naoya glared back, but it seemed that his defense was made of paper. He dug his hands into his face and started to cry.

Karin didn't have a damn idea of what to do. Of course, Kuroya knew how to handle it. Her darkness was swallowed like bitter cardboard as she put on a convincing enough smile and sat beside Naoya. "Hey, hey, it's okay! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a Shinobi."

It took effort for Karin to not express her disagreement.

"But," Kuroya continued. "You need to stop screaming it out and bothering everyone else when you get upset! You can be a Shinobi, I believe in you!"

Naoya… still wasn't convinced. But, admirably, that didn't stop him from trying. "Okay…" he muttered. "I just hate it when people make fun of me!"

"Right…" Again, the dark and light inside of her fought, molding into one consistent force… that eclipse. "I'll go set them straight," she declared, standing up. "In the meantime, you can go talk to Karin. She's a Shinobi!"

Immediately, Naoya's bloodshot, teary eyes looked to her. Everything pointed toward her with… hope. "You are?"

"Yes…" Karin answered, taking it upon herself to approach him. As she did that, Kuroya walked off to deal with the kids that were teasing Naoya.

Upon her confirmation, Naoya got to his knees and bowed. "Please, please teach me how to be strong! It'll almost be too late for me to be a Shinobi—I only have a few more months until I'm eight!"

Discomfort and reluctance ached inside of her. This poor boy was so desperate to get himself killed. "Please, don't bow to me."

He listened to her, thankfully, picking himself up. His expectant look never left her.

"Why… do you want to be a Shinobi?"

"I have to honor my parents," he declared, balling his fists. "I-I was never strong… and they always took care of me. Then they sacrificed their lives in the invasion—so now I have to do everything I can to honor their legacy!"

"That's… honorable…" Karin admitted. "There are other ways to honor them… you don't have to be a Shinobi!"

His chakra sharpened, getting weaker as he forced himself to glare at her. "What, are you like everyone else? You don't believe in me!"

Being a Shinobi isn't a good thing, she wanted to say… but advised against it. "No, I do… but I also know that being a Shinobi is… hard. It hurts. It—"

"I don't care!" he yelled, still glaring, balling his fists harder. "If my parents could do it, then I can too!"

Her mouth opened as she tried to find words… None came to her tongue. No, she didn't think he could do it. No, she didn't want him to do that. Karin couldn't bear to tell him… but at the same time she'd rather die than tell another lie.

"Naoya!" Kuroya's voice and brightness came toward them as she smiled. Once she arrived, she put a hand right on the boy's shoulder. "I made sure they'll never mess with you again!"

"Thank you!" he responded, grinning, and for the first time, his chakra felt secure, safe… happy. Kuroya really made a difference, didn't she?

Karin just… let out a breath. She couldn't bring herself to help Naoya push toward a fate of death and despair. He deserved a life better than hers. "Naoya…" she said, gaining the boy's attention. "The best way to honor those you've lost… is to live happy… and live safely." …and being a Shinobi brings neither.

Naoya just looked her in the eyes, not believing her… or himself. All the poor boy had was being lost in his head. "Okay," he said, dejected. Kuroya gave him a quick, tight hug before grabbing Karin's hand and leading her away.

Once they were out of his earshot, she asked, "Do you like being a Shinobi?"

"No," said Karin flatly.

A light chuckle filled the air. "Ah! Better not tell Naoya that."

"I don't plan to…"

"Do you mind me asking why?" she followed up with more of her curiosity.

Karin's throat hardened with a lump. "It's… self explanatory, I think."

"I see…" She nodded to her answer. "Well, I don't really know that much about Shinobi, so do you mind telling me?"

This girl never stopped pushing, did she? "It's full of pain, full of suffering… it's done nothing but hurt me. Stay away from the Shinobi life if it's the last thing you do… no matter what this village tells you, it's not worth it."

"Aw," Kuroya's shadow shrouded her sun almost entirely. "Ms. Kiyoko always tells me that Shinobi are strong and brave… for putting everything they have on the line to defend us."

Karin had more to say… but she didn't want to ruin this girl's perception of the world with her pain. "That can be true, as well…" she said, thinking of Miya to make her words sound honest.

"Mhm!" Kuroya's chakra didn't change but she put on a smile nonetheless. "Well, you're not the only Shinobi here."

"What—?"

"C'mon!" she pulled Karin away, somewhere else. As she was dragged, she sensed… a shadow. Her eyes darted in its direction and she saw a boy, only a bit younger than her; Shinrai's age. His chakra seemed to be a living shadow, like a hole of darkness where a person should be. His black hair was tied up into a spiky deer tail and he watched the kids with the blankest expression on face, sitting on a cushioned bench.

The smoking gun was the Konoha headband around his arm. "Is that him?" asked Karin, trying to hide her frown.

It seemed that she saw through it. " Yep! That's Shikamaru. Though, he's really gloomy, I haven't been able to get through to him." Kuroya's lips curled into a frown.

"I see," Karin said, a bit dejected, a bit curious. The way the shadows were his… everything brought her back to Shinrai and his cold.

Cold and darkness went hand in hand, didn't they?

Wistfully, almost a bit aimless, Karin walked over to him, with Kuroya standing where she was, seemingly waiting for her to leave, silently. His dark eyes drawled up to meet her and he sighed at the sight of her.

"Troublesome…"

"...Hi?" Karin greeted him, stopping a bit ahead of him.

He just sighed, keeping his head down. "Y'know, I really wasn't expecting another volunteer…"

"I wasn't either," she wanted to take a seat. The darkness glazed over his emotions, like he was nothing but apathetic. So, she sat next to him. There was no reaction.

What did she even say? How did one socialize? "Uh… what's your story?"

"Skipping past all the small-talk, eh?" Shikamaru just shook his head. "Well, my sensei got sick of me not doing shit… so he dumped me here. Something about protecting the king, or whatever."

"King?"

"Shogi metaphor, symbolism, I don't know the damn word." Another heavy sigh dropped from his breath. "What about you?"

"I got sick of not doing shit, so I asked Miya to help me… and now I'm here," she responded, truthfully.

He rolled his eyes, looking up at the ceiling. "Real original story, don't 'ya think?"

"We could just be similar…" she muttered "...I think it's cool, how similar we are, and how that brought us together."

The way his chakra glazed over with shadowy disinterest hurt… but well, she didn't know what else she was expecting in this life. So, so dark—it was like who he truly was had been covered in the deepest night. Just like how Shinrai's true self was frozen over again and again until it was impossible to uncover.

Shikamaru… was like Shinrai.

he was like her.

Karin pursed her lips as Shikamaru continued to stare at her. "Well, I guess that's cool." He leaned back, sighing. "I don't know what else to say, though. Nice to meet you, I guess?"

"You as well…"

His sensei set him here under the preface of a Shogi metaphor… "Do you want to play a game of Shogi?"

Shikamaru's darkness bent in her direction as his gaze drawled toward her. "... Sure," he said before muttering, "What a drag," under his breath.

Karin decidedly ignored that, going off to look for a Shogi board. She was surprised to find one in the section with such young children, but, if they were training to be shinobi then they had to be smart, she supposed.

With that… they played. Now, Karin wasn't exactly skilled in the game at all. She knew how to play; who didn't? But, her strength came in sensing what her opponent's next move would be, with the intention building in their chakra.

Shikamaru remained to be just a shadow.

His darkness shrouded him more than Shinrai's ice… though, that could just be that she knew what to look for when she sensed Shinrai. Shikamaru was entirely foreign to her. At least, at least doing something he probably enjoyed once upon a time would light those shadows.

Every move he made seemed to be on autopilot, almost. There was nothing improving, no movement of his shadow, zero shifting of his night, not a single change in his expression. He just… moved.

Before Karin knew it, she lost.

"You're terrible," he said flatly, looking her directly in the eyes for the first time.

No interest, no effort, no light.

As Karin peered into the darkness of his eyes… she couldn't help but want to see them alight again.

Kuroya, she wanted to help everybody smile.

Suirami, just wanted… peace.

Naoya wanted to prove himself.

Karin… wanted to help people. She needed to make sure they were all okay, they were all happy—the thought of them smiling again, because of her made Karin think about smiling. If she could help Kuroya, Suirami, Naoya, if she could help Shikamaru…

…then maybe she could bring herself to face Shinrai again.

—

A deadman… Shinrai drawled through the answer he came to yesterday. Again, he was on that couch. At least he wasn't alone. Miya was in the kitchen, making something for the both of them. Shinrai wasn't really hungry… he hadn't felt hungry; he only ate because Miya offered him the food.

Well, a deadman didn't need to eat. But, a deadman wouldn't care this much about a scarf, would he? His hands couldn't stop grabbing the fabric, caressing it… feeling how soft it was. It was beautiful—like a soft bed of roses… like… Karin.

The part of him he was the most terrified of still wanted her. He couldn't love somebody like that and have it go away? A horrifying part of him wished he never left that bed last time he saw her… fuck, fuck fuck—no. He couldn't still want her—the taste of her on his lips lingered like the most bitter sweet ever.

Stop, fuck you, stop… Shinrai shut his eyes and grit his teeth, clasping onto the scarf again.

Hinata made that scarf…

…Hinata saved his life.

His mind was just being torn between those two and he hated it so, so, so much. Would a deadman care this much about this shit? Hinata helped him come to an answer and the next day made him question it all again. Back at square one.

Who is it that repeats the Sage's name?
Who is this dragging corpse about?
What is this? What is it?
What was the original face before my father and mother were born?
Who am I?

Once again, Shinrai didn't have a fucking answer. He just let out a sigh, hanging his head.

"Is something up, Shinrai?" asked Miya, looking back at him.

He aimlessly shook his head, not looking up. "I don't know anything anymore."

"Shinrai—" Miya stopped herself with a breath, taking the food off the stove. It smelled done. "Come here."

Silently, he did as she wanted. Once he was in front of her, Miya's hand rested on his cheek, pulling him closer. "Shinrai, you're young… it's okay. It's okay that you don't know; you have so much time to figure everything out… once you do, you'll be greater than you can ever imagine."

Slowly, he nodded to her words—they had so much love in them, yet they washed over him like cold water.

"What do you think of me?" she asked next.

Shinrai opened his mouth, closed it, then spoke. "You're… great. I love you."

"I love you too," she responded before continuing with whatever she had to say. "I don't have everything figured out, and you still think I'm great. So…" She poked his chest. "...that means, right here, right now, you're still great even though you don't have everything figured out? Being a work in progress doesn't make you any worse, Shinrai, believe that."

"I want to…" he said aloud—he really wasn't expecting to. "I really, really do, Miya, but I can't…"

"That's okay," she said without missing a beat, her smile growing as she peered into Shinrai's eyes. "As long as you're moving forward, as long as you're trying then you're okay? You're good as you are, Shinrai. I love you as you are Shinrai."

Shinrai's teeth grit hard. His breaths shuddered and Miya's words moved mountains—like cannonballs firing against the icy shell of his heart. Frost rose up but Miya's unbreakable warmth did everything to stop it. All Shinrai could do was give her a hug. Miya returned it immediately, kissing him on his head as she held him.

What would he do without her?

What would he do without her?

Was there anybody on this earth that was more to him than Miya…? It seemed like she was everything, sometimes—as long as Miya was here, then he'd be okay. He melted into her only for a bit before there was a knock on the door.

Miya sighed, rubbing his back as she pulled away. "Get yourself dinner, okay?"

"Alright…" Shinrai sighed himself once Miya's touch left him. He set his eyes on the food that Miya made, it was a curry chicken stew… it looked good. Shinrai went to grab a bowl and—

"Dantai what the hell are you doing here?! It's almost midnight!"

Shinrai's brow furrowed. Isn't that Ryu's friend…? I thought he was dead.

"What? Do you have closing hours?" was his response.

Miya yelled out something else and Shinrai just sighed, going to the dining table to eat.

Again, again… he needed an answer.

Who is it that repeats the Sage's name?
Who is this dragging corpse about?
What is this? What is it?
What was the original face before my father and mother were born?
Who am I?

—

"Dantai—" Miya sputtered as she pushed this fool out of her door, shutting it. "Why are you here—?"

"Whaaat? I can't see you?" A frown crossed his face and Miya looked at him amusedly.

"You showed up. At almost midnight. Unannounced."

"Yeah!" He gave a childish smile that was like that of an overly-attached toddler.

Miya continued to give him the look of an exasperated mother. Y'know, when he came back, she wasn't expecting to have another child to keep on a leash. Shinrai, Naruto, Hinata, Kiba, Lee, Karin—now this bastard—?

A sigh came from his breath as his childish smile shrank, something more serious. "But, honestly though… you left that Hokage seat and you're somehow just as busy."

"Yeah?" she said, raising her brow. "There's a lot for me to take care of."

"Mhm… you take care of so many things, take care of so many people…" He stepped closer and Miya had to look up at him. "But who's there to take care of you?"

That shook her stern annoyance—She shook her head, clenching her tongue to the roof of her mouth. "I'm fine, Dantai—?"

"No, you're not," he responded with a snort.

Her annoyance returned.

"Nobody aside from a fresh Genin is fine in this line of work…" His wrist twirled his pointed finger into the night sky. "There are only those who are better at pretending… or a god damn psychopath."

"Right…" Her eyes never left his.

Dantai groaned, gaining a smirk. "Are you gonna keep looking at me like that, tiger?"

"Why'd you call me a tiger—?" again, she was whiplashed from something serious to his bullshit sense of humor. She could find no sense of stability when talking to this man.

"Because of your hair, duh." He pointed at it but was smart enough not to touch it. "Would you rather me call you a zebra? Well, you are tall and strong, you'd be a fine steed for me to ride into the sunset."

"What the hell." Miya's composure fell apart into exasperated chuckling.

Dantai giggled. "But even the most majestic of battle mounts, or the most gorgeous of felines would be a lot better off if they had somebody to take care of them, y'know?" Again he walked closer and casually wrapped his arm around her.

No, she didn't throw him off of her. "What are you getting at?" she asked, looking up at his eyes.

His shining smirk reflected in the moonlight above. "You're smart, you know what I'm getting at."

"Dantai, I don't need you to take care of me—"

"—Of course you don't! You wouldn't have made this far if you needed someone to take care of you." His hold became gently tighter in a way that goaded her to lean into him. She didn't. "But… I would hope you'd let me take care of you… you deserve it," he ended off the statement in a lower tone that made her sigh.

"But by that logic, who's going to take care of you?" countered Miya. Throughout this entire talk, the eye-contact never broke.

His smirk grew into a smile before he let it fall as he laughed. "You," he said, gently prodding at the boundaries of contact, holding tighter, bringing his face closer to hers. "I think that we'd both be a lot better… if we took care of each other," he said with that same low tone and his fingers intertwined into hers. Instinctively, she clasped back.

"So you showed up at my house at midnight… to ask me out."

"Were you expecting something standard for the course?"

"I wasn't expecting this at all."

Again, he laughed and this time he stepped backward, pulling his hand from hers… Miya didn't put up any resistance. A part of her wished she did. "One of my favorite parts of coming back was being reminded why I used to chase after you so hard."

"Stop—" she sputtered, feeling her cheeks flush.

Laughing, laughing, he kept laughing. "But don't be so quick to write off something good~" His laugh danced into a giggle as his amber eyes beamed at her.

Miya was about to do just that… but really, she really couldn't. Dantai had done… a lot for her. She… hadn't done much for him. Of course, she'd be ready to take care of him should he ever need it. But—in the way of a relationship when she already had so much on her plate—a thousand things running running running through her mind. It was a miracle she hadn't gone crazy yet.

Dantai seemed to have been able to see right through her. "Miya…" The way he said her name was different, like he gilded the syllables with gold and presented the word with reverence. "Don't… hm. Don't look at this as a… responsibility."

"But you just—"

"I know what I said! My bad, us 'taking care of each other' sounds like a lot of obligation. I worded it that way because I was going with a resonate theme…" Dantai grinned. "You're busy, I'm… hopefully going to be busy? But when we're all done and tired we can come together… and take care of each other."

"You want a fling—?"

"Miya," he repeated, looking up into the sky. "I just want you."

Her heart froze for a second in her chest—her cheeks were hot. It took a lot of self control not to cover her face in her hands. "I—"

"You don't have to make your mind up right now… not that you'd force yourself to answer if I asked." He rolled his eyes. "Just… sometime before the heat death of the universe? Sorry for putting another thing in your head, but I promise that I'll make it worth your while… if you accept, of course."

With that he stepped back, disappearing into the shadows in which he came.

Aaaand Miya was alone. "Fuck you!" she declared into the darkness, still flustered and laughing. Though, she was relieved that he left. She had no idea what to make of this. Honestly, this should be the last thing on her mind. But, no, no it presented itself, right there, on a silver platter.

No, no—no—so much shit choked down to stay focused came up and muddied the waters of her path. For so long she envied the memory of Minato and Kushina—when Ryu rejected her again, she gave up on the fact of anyone loving her. Of course, Shinrai and Naruto loved her, but that was different… never would she consider leaning on them for anything.

Dantai was offering himself as someone she could lean on and her heart longed for that. After all she did, all her isolation from Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai, could she even—? After everything that happened between her and Ryu was it even possible?! Her mind screamed with every obligation she had, every damn reason to say no—she knew herself, she knew that even if Dantai offered himself as 'not a responsibility,' she'd work it in her head to not do that and make him her biggest obligation.

But what if she just… didn't?

Easier said than done.

Miya simply hated that all of her repressed desires for love and affection erupted into full fucking force. She didn't like her heart beating like this. She didn't like her face red like this. Dammit, dammit, dammit.

She lost so much, but could she let herself gain one thing? What if that thing led her to lose more? Dantai, she'd fix her mouth to say she trusted him—thinking. She was thinking too much.

'Sorry for giving you another thing to think about,' he said. Dammit, he better have been. This was already giving her a headache. What if he was just bullshitting? That was a common Dantai tactic; he'd left quite a bit of men and women by the wayside before Miruni put him on a leash.

…Would he do that… to her? He was a great liar. It was hard to tell. She liked to believe that they'd established something meaningful over the past few decades.

…

She was almost thirty—

She needed to go to fucking bed.

With a breath, Miya turned back to go inside. The lights were still on… but Shinrai was nowhere to be seen, besides the signs of his presence. His chair wasn't pushed in. Miya walked over to push it in.

His bowl was still there.

He'd barely touched his food.

It was cold.

He showed no signs of coming back.

It was moments like these where she wished she had a shoulder to lean on.

Ryu, I'm so, so sorry

She shut the lights off, went to sleep. Rather, she… tried. Why would she be able to sleep if there was so much to think about?

Shinrai, he… talking to him was like pulling teeth. She'd rather die than tell him this, but loving him was difficult. There were bones in her body that resented him for how much hurt he spread because of his own pain. He had every excuse to act the way he did but that didn't make it okay—Never would she say that to his face, lest that make him worse and worse and worse.

She loved him; she'd never stop trying, never stop pushing for him to try to get even a bit better. That didn't make the effort any less exhausting. Maybe being around other kids would help? Other kids that weren't connected to any of his pain, not Naruto, definitely not Karin.

Karin, shit, she left her at the orphanage. She needed to check in with her ASAP. Hopefully things went well. Ms. Kiyoko was responsible, and Karin wouldn't do a thing to a child, especially one she shared a circumstance with. Shinrai trusted her… but how much did his word truly mean considering everything else she did to him? Everything else he trusted her with?

It was a lot harder to care for Karin than it was for Shinrai. But, she did. She'd rather help this poor girl grow than damn her. Better, everyone simply needed to be better… like she failed to be.

That was why Naruto was so easy to care for. Nothing ever kept him down for long, he kept smiling, he kept fighting, he kept moving forward. It was hard to believe he was real, at times. It was a miracle that somebody like him existed; he truly was every best part about Minato and Kushina magnified.

Well, probably not the talent. He was a hard-head in that aspect… he didn't deserve any less love and Miya gave it all to him. The main thing that disheartened her was the fact that he left on a mission, so she couldn't continue his training with the Sealing Chains.

At least that was one less thing she'd have to worry about right now.

Where was she? Shinrai. Shinrai. She had a training planned with Team 8 and Lee soon…

…Miya was going to bring Shinrai. Four birds with one stone, that'd allow her to help a lot more with Konoha. She still needed to meet with Yosei, keep Aiko's promise, stop the inevitable war with the nations that invaded during Crush. Dammit.

How was her team doing? Being a mentor to two clan heirs was a headache. They were just as busy as she was. At least the Hyuuga was starting to calm down, become self-sufficient. Though, she didn't exactly know how much she could trust that, considering their track record.

Hinata was called to another speech damn-near first thing in the morning.

At least the Inuzuka weren't as stuck up and needy as the Hyuuga. That didn't make Kiba's duties any less time consuming. What was he even doing? She was so caught up in her own shit that she didn't even entirely know. She hadn't even seen him in two days—dammit.

She was falling apart—!

No, no. Keep it together, Miya. Keep it together.

Repairs were mostly done, at least, with everything essential. Lady Tsunade was in charge of moving the medical center from the Academy to the newly built hospital. Yosei gave Miya the hand-waving job of enforcing village policy which involved a new to-do list every day.

Micromanaging Shinobi distribution.

Ensuring civilians were relocated from shelters properly.

Making sure that new residential buildings followed the building codes, though she had about a million subordinates for that. She still had to make sure they knew what to do—the fact that Konoha STILL couldn't afford to pay them made their motivation lower than it really should have been.

How could people be so selfish?! It was infuriating.

What else, what else?

Resource allocation, though Yosei had put Kakashi in charge of that…

…and the bastard just left.

She was going to kill that one-eyed scarecrow.

What else? What else? Even with clones this was time-consuming. She was basically a glorified middle-man. Yosei told her to oversee these programs, in which she would make her presence known and order around the droves of workers and ninja, where those who weren't shinobi had a portion of slackers which she desperately wanted to whip into shape with her Adamantine.

It was like every thread she had was being spread across every individual in Konoha and it pulled her apart until she was suffocating. This was more draining than being an acting Hokage. Her eyes burned and yet she couldn't shut them long enough to sleep. The bed she laid on wasn't even comfortable with how much she tossed and turned.

Miya had all of this running through her brain… and she hadn't even considered Ryu yet. The best she could do was gaslight herself into thinking Dantai had it under control. The more she thought of him the less sane she became. Guilt, blame, regret—pain—there were too many emotions for her to want to sift through.

…and Dantai had uprooted another well she'd long forgotten.

How… nice would it have been for her to not think about any of this.

Dantai offered himself as an escape. 'She didn't have time,' that was bullshit. If she had the time to sulk, laying wide awake like this she had time to forget all of this with him. What time was it? Certainly past midnight. She needed to sleep. Just because she could run on minimal sleep didn't mean she should.

It didn't seem like her mind would let her.

She let herself drift and overflow into half consciousness.

it would've been a lot easier to sleep with somebody next to her, wouldn't it?

𓍊𓍊 ~ Chapter End ~ 𓍊𓍊