This Thing of Darkness, I Acknowledge Mine

There were two things revolving around Artemis' mind, circling like a merry-go-round as Artemis watched from the side. Lit up in bright pastel colours hiding the rusty bolts from the years it had been battered by the elements, the ride continued to clunk through the same motions. Almost every seat on the ride was empty. Music chimed, similarly repetitive and equally as nauseating. He recognised the words playing, sounding like voices stuck in a tin can – unusual. Artemis hadn't been to many fair grounds … if any … but he didn't remember the rides singing. Seated atop a caricature horse adorned with a jewelled saddle and golden shoes, a familiar face sang along:

"It's raining, it's pouring," Orion beamed, sickeningly joyful as usual, "Artemis is snoring. He went to bed and bumped his head, then couldn't get up in the morning!" Orion let out an excited giggle, making 'giddy up' cowboy noises at the hollow horse between his thighs. The ride continued to turn; Orion bounced with it. As the ride clunked through another rotation, Artemis felt a chill prick the hairs along his spine. He noticed another person on the ride, sat silently with a vacant expression. His seat wasn't a trusty steed, but a toy car. The driver of the car stared through the glass windscreen without blinking, his hands atop the steering wheel though doing nothing to control where it was going. The music continued to chime, the various hollow, plastic adornments to the ride bobbing along.

"Who are you?" Artemis demanded to know, his desperate shout out of place with the jubilant music.

The version of Artemis behind the wheel of the toy car did not respond. Not even Orion's elated whoops and giggles, nor the sea-sickening wave of the ride could trigger this Artemis out of his empty reverie.

"You're sweating, Artemis?" Butler commented in a tone of voice that betrayed the anxiety in his expression. Suddenly, Artemis blinked and appeared alarmed. The colour drained from his face. Butler was trying to read his expression.

"I think I've eaten something bad," his charge replied, skin almost translucent it was so pale, "I'm pulling over."

Butler regretted that this vehicle did not have a second set of controls somewhere, like a learner vehicle, so that he could immediately take control. From the way Artemis' hands were trembling, it appeared as though he was going to lose control imminently.

"Deep breaths, Artemis," he said, feeling utterly useless. "There's a service station just up ahead."

Artemis visibly swallowed. "Hard s-shoulder," he muttered, fumbling for the indicator.

"Clear left," Butler finally found a use for himself as he checked the mirrors for Artemis to guide the car towards the hard shoulder. They decelerated at a speed that was barely safe, wheels screeching a little under the pressure. Almost as soon as Artemis had the handbrake on, his other hand scratched along the inside of his car door until he grasped the handle and burst into the fresh air. He stumbled a few paces, Butler already at his side. The bodyguard caught his charges' arm but was hastily pushed away whilst his Principal staggered to the grass verge. Vomit barely skimmed the shiny toe caps of his Oxford shoes. The young boy continued to heave vomit that was mostly liquid, shaking uncontrollably. He moaned between heaves. When he could throw up no more, his body still cruelly convulsed. Butler was soon the only thing holding him up as his legs had long since given away beneath him.

"I bet you're glad we dropped off the young miss," Butler attempted to be light-hearted. "Wouldn't want her seeing you chunder all over your suit trousers." He didn't receive a response from Artemis who had gone completely limp in his arms. "Artemis?"

"Mm."

"Still alive then."

"Just feeling slightly pathetic."

"You do look it at the moment. We best get you back in the car before any chance journalists snap a photo of the Great Artemis Fowl II hunched over his own vomit." Artemis finally tested his legs. "Although, it might make them think you're just a normal teenager after all. You could get away with saying it was a heavy night on the booze last night."

Artemis gathered his energy and planted his feet on the ground. He knew Butler was chatting away to distract him. He really did feel pathetic right now. What followed the despair of his current pathetic appearance was the dread of the questioning that was sure to follow when he was bundled into the back of the car. Of course, Butler knew he hadn't eaten anything dodgy this morning because he would know that his young charge had not eaten anything at all. Artemis was feeling his control slowly slipping out of his fingertips and that terrified him. More so that he had just nearly killed his best friend. He was completely losing track of reality, to the point where he was daydreaming behind the wheel. His nightmares were even reaching his waking hours.

"You were fine until just now," Butler commented almost the instant that the engine booted back into life. "What's going on, Artemis? Do we need to make some phone calls?"

"I'm going to meditate," he replied after swallowing some of the cool water that was refrigerated within the centre console. It helped clear some of the burning in his throat but not the pounding in his forehead.

"It's almost as if you're trying to avoid an explanation, young master Fowl!"

Artemis still did not feel well. His forehead was damp with cold sweat and he could feel his shirt sticking to his back. The bottle in his fingers was grasped loosely and threatened to fall from his hand every time another convulsion wracked his body. He still felt like he might throw up but there surely could be nothing more left in his stomach to get rid of.

He closed his eyes and was surprised by how drowsy he immediately felt. He would probably be able to fall straight to sleep.

Good,he thought,I should he used a personal trick he had developed to erase the thoughts in his head – well, more of a tic than a trick, since it couldn't truly work. He pinched his nose and imagined all his thoughts being sucked into that precise zone of pain. It took longer than usual to clear his mind. As soon as he let go, the rule was that his thoughts would evaporate with the pain. For once, Artemis managed to keep his head clear and soon felt himself sinking into sleep.

When Artemis opened his eyes, he felt like he had been conscious for some time now. Though he hadn't moved, now that his brain had whirred into life, it could recall glimpses of the last hour. He remembered the car pulling up to their London apartment and rolling into the underground car park. He could feel where Butler had lifted him up into his arms like a child and carried him to the lift. Later on, he remembered hearing Butler's phone go off several times, and the hushed sound of thunder as Butler escaped elsewhere to answer. Something about the lingering smell in his nose tasted like steak in the back of his throat, and perhaps he remembered the beep of the oven, too. But amongst those memories were dreams blurring his reality, faces dancing round his mind that he couldn't quite grasp.

"How are you feeling, Artemis?"

"Butler," the boy murmured and sat up. "What about our engagement this evening?"

"It was only dinner with one the Fowl branch CEOs. I cancelled it." Artemis could hardly complain. He didn't feel like dragging himself out to a social interaction and attempting to act like nothing was wrong with him. Astute businesspeople tended to spot even the tiniest fluctuation in a smile; it would be a tiring engagement to attend. "I told her you'd gotten food poisoning. Which, to be fair, is more or less what you told me."

"You couldn't think of a more glamorous excuse?"

"Artemis, forgive me but I had more on my mind."

"I sometimes wish I had less on mine." Artemis sighed. Butler made no snide comment – he appreciated just how rare a declaration this was from Artemis Fowl the Second. He was almost admitting there was something wrong. Almost.

"Artemis, you need to take a long hard think about what makes you happy. Don't think about money or businesses or the planet. What gives you even the tiniest bit of satisfaction? Then, you must make sure you're giving it to yourself. This," he gestured to Artemis sprawled on the sofa, "is not sustainable."

"Nothing about my life is lacking, Butler."

"You have just completely ignored what I said. I'm not talking about your wealth or success. I don't know if your big brain realised what happened today but from my experience of life – which, might I add, is quite considerable –youjust had a panic attack."

This made Artemis visibly flinch. "No I didn't," he replied in an instant, somewhat petulantly. Artemis Fowl did notpanic. "A panic attack? I was hardly hyperventilating – I was ill-"

"Look into the catalogue of psychological textbooks nestled in your brain and you'll be able to tell me a hundred reasons why I am right."

The ape of a man heaved himself into the sofa opposite and Artemis suddenly felt like a patient in a psycho-analysis session.

"Moreover, let me just list the common symptoms of depression and let's tick them off, shall we?" When Artemis met Butler's gaze, the man's eyes were hard and cold. Not understanding. Artemis realised that this was his reality check. Reality check? When had Artemis strayed so far from being practical, grounded, perceptive? Butler continued against the turmoil cycling round Artemis' head, "Number one: feelings of worthlessness, guilt and a hopeless outlook."

"I am most certainly not feeling worthless – I've saved the world multiple times, piloted the newest renewable energy schemes and stood up in Parliament at least six times. Of which, our motion was supported every time, might I add. What nineteen year old has achieved even half that?" Artemis refused to lounge like a client anymore. He snapped himself upright and crossed his legs. With an attempt to be as much the professional young genius on the outside as inside, Artemis cooled his expression and folded his hands into his lap. He tried for a semi-raised eyebrow, too, for added arrogance. Even he could feel how unconvincing he looked.

"Guilt, Artemis." Butler's tone of voice asked,do I have to spell it out for you? The young man felt even more affronted, and at the same time, he could feel his stomach twist with panic.

"But-!"

You're being found out, his subconscious kept saying,they know.

Of course, they know!Artemis scolded doesn't?!

And then …know what?

"Second, a poor sleeping pattern." This was definitely intended to be a one-sided conversation. Something which Artemis had never been any good at.

"I've always slept irregular hours. The sun never sets on the Fowl Enterprise."

"No, Artemis," Butler literally waggled his finger. "You used to preach that adequate sleep was essential for you to work at optimum capacity. You could even tell me how many hours that would be-,"

"Seven hours 56 minutes-,"

"-And you've often lectured me on the effects of an irregular circadian rhythm. You wrote a thesis paper on the effect of shift work on the human condition."

"Increased risk of heart disease and cancer." Artemis nodded.

"Loss of interest." Butler ploughed on through Artemis' interruptions.

"I'm still interested in plenty of things."

"You don't enjoy studying like you used to." Butler countered.

"Well, University has the habit of sucking the fun out of things you previously liked."

"Anxiety," He continued, "For example-,"

"It wasn't a panic attack."

Butler was so unconvinced that he didn't even bother to argue back on that point. "Irritability."

"That's not fair." Artemis felt completely affronted. "I'm a teenager. And I've always been testy."

"Nineteen, not thirteen, Artemis. I'll continue, though you seem desperate for me to stop. Changes in appetite and weight." At this point, Artemis had decided to stay silent and pursed his lips shut. He had never felt more like a silly child being scolded for acting up. "I can't remember the last time you ate three square meals without Angeline forcing it down you. You've always been skinny but recently, you've got the figure of a grasshopper. And another symptom for you - mood swings." When Butler said this, he noticed the young man before him almost fold with dismay. He was mortified. But despite the twinge of guilt in Butler's stomach, he knew this was needed. "One moment, you're bright and inspired. And then perhaps a minute later, I'll find you staring blankly out the window like the world is ending before your eyes."

Butler took a second before making his final point. Artemis seemed more childlike than ever before now that he had decided to accept his scolding in silence. This next and final point, however, was going to hurt them both. Yet, it felt like it was time to confront this, so Butler hoped the boy would not notice his throat bob as he swallowed. "Suicidal," he said, and Artemis did not move.

Those beautiful blue eyes of his continued to widen with an expression that Butler had rarely seen and swore he never wanted to see again. He couldn't quite read it. The old servant had always struggled to understandexactlywhat Artemis was thinking. However, for the most part, they were old friends. And he had spent more time with Artemis than anyone else. They trusted each other. They understood one another as much as two human beings could.

The individual sat opposite Butler had slowly constructed a sheet of bulletproof glass between himself and the world over the past few years. No one had noticed it go up, but now that they could not get through, it was becoming clear just how resistant the wall had become. Butler could no longer reach him.

"I just-," Artemis began, the words cracking through his tense throat. "… I …" There were enemies out there that would pay to see this young man at a loss for words. At times when their relationship had been most tense, even Butler would have felt some satisfaction in seeing Artemis' mouth search for words he could not find (not without guilt). Right now, it did not bring the weathered bodyguard an ounce of pleasure. "How … did you know?" The words came out barely louder than a whisper as Artemis Fowl lifted his hands to his face. His palms propped up his forehead like his skull weighed too much to bear, fingers clawing at the black strands of hair hiding his expression. The moment Butler noticed his slight shoulders shudder with a sob, his own eyes stung. He rose, huge figure blocking out the evening light from the apartment window, striding across the room to his young charge to fold his small frame into a tight embrace.

Neither Butler, nor Artemis were 'hugging' types. They made an exception tonight.

…

"That stupid mudboy," Holly spat, circling her office once again.

Foaley was projected onto her work screen which entirely filled one wall with sizzling blue-ish pixels. The centaur nodded knowingly and caught himself chewing his fingernails. Not a good habit and one he thought he had banished. The grooves in his thumbnail suggested different. Caballine would hold onto his hands sometimes just to inspect the damage, and then announce with a sigh,bad day, then?That had been his trigger to un-learn the habit. A little bit of stress, it turned out, would bring it back with a vengeance.

"We spend our lives obsessing over this one human," Foaley agreed. "Or at least I do. Just last week, I spent six hours trying to de-code the bug he left in my server."

"You choose to play games with Artemis during work time. This is different, Foaley."

"Caballine says my greatest weakness is not differentiating work and play," the centaur nodded. Apparently, it wasn't the time for off-hand comments as the glare he received through his VR goggles prickled the hair on his hind legs.

"And I would get him involved," Holly continued, finishing yet another lap of her small office space, "if only to shut him up. If I told Artemis yet another faery secret, I don't think even Frond would forgive me."

"The council certainly wouldn't."

"I'm telling you, he's not cured," she jabbed her finger towards the camera. "Whatever those whacks did to him did not cure him."

"It's not Atlantis. Doctor Argon has a lot of issues, but he is actually a good psychologist."

"I'm going to count his words next time. Did you record our last conversation with him?"

"The one where you told him you didn't want to be friends anymore?" Even as the dry comment left his lips, Foaley wished he had swallowed that one.

Pursing her lips, Holly once again poured flames with her eyes into the camera lens. "I did not say that."

"No, I did not record the conversation. It's not Atlantis, Holly. It's a classic case of high achievers. They get praise pumped up their arses when they're a child and then they reach adulthood, and no one is praising them anymore. They're just another cog in the wheel and everything they thought was important until that point no longer matters. Their schoolfriends that they thought were idiots have somehow found happiness in life and the high achievers get left behind to rot in a dark room, surrounded by their perfect exam results."

"… You've been reading Argon's books again."

Foaley shrugged at that. "All I can say is that we can't spend our lives worrying about Artemis Fowl. He'll get himself back on track and the more time you shelter him from reality, the longer it is going to take for him to fit in with the human world. Now, the real issue is keeping his nose out of Piper's Stones." Foaley tapped his long, knobbly fingers on his desk. "Mind wipe?"

"I would hit you if I was there."

"Okay, okay," Foaley managed a nervous laugh. "But I do have an idea." Holly raised her eyebrow slightly to signify that she was listening. "I've been reading some of the ancient magic scrolls that have been stacked in my office for approximately seven years."

"Wow, you did keep saying you were going to get round to reading them. How many did you get through?"

"Just the one. It's like reading an instruction manual about how to dry paint. However, there are some critical parts to it. There used to be a spell faeries could use to protect certain territory, similar to the sickness we feel entering dwellings we aren't permitted to."

"Territory?"

"It was mostly applied to areas of land. The spell was quite complex and taxing so common faeries rarely used it. Setting up the boarders for the spell was tricky. If it rebounds, you would end up with a severe tummy bug for a couple of weeks – the spell wasn't worth the hassle for most faeries which is perhaps why it disappeared from common use. More often it was used by faery governments of the past to stop The People entering protected areas or locations wrought with humans."

"And how did it stop people?"

"Almost exactly the same as the effects of entering a dwelling. Nausea, pounding headaches, getting the shakes. Some people have been known to start spontaneously singing, which is an interesting side effect. The more powerful the warlock, the more powerful the spell."

"Ah," the numbers finally added up in Holly's head. "Warlock. You're going to ask Number One to figure it out."

"I'm sure it won't take him long. He figured out time-travel, I'm sure putting a travel ban on a mudboy will hardly dent his brain power."

"And then?"

"He sets up a no-go zone for Artemis around the stones. That way, he can't go investigate in person."

"You know he will only send Butler instead."

Foaley shrugged. "It's a preventative measure, not a solution. And anyway, Butler is usually supportive of any schemes to stop Artemis from sticking his nose into things he shouldn't."

"I feel like there's a catch," Holly drummed her fingers on her bicep, suspicious.

"No catch," Foaley replied, brightly. "I'll ring Number One in minutes few and the whole thing will be up and running in, what, an hour?"

"Hmmm." Holly frowned. "I'll believe it when I see it."