We've somehow managed to reach our tenth episode, so I've officially finished the first third of the season! Kind of unfortunate Superstars hasn't exactly gotten far yet despite having half the cast, but I've got way too many good plans for that to cancel it.
I've also started to reveal the second season's newcomers, and since I'm so nice, I might as well reveal a few scrapped characters from that season:
Jacque Portsman (Ace Attorney) (would've been a first boot who would harass the cast later on)
Gex (Gex)
Catwoman (DC)
Elesa (Pokemon)
Skyla (Pokemon)
Pearl Fey (Ace Attorney)
Ruby (Battle For Dream Island)
Scott The Woz (guess who? brought in Superstars)
Nelly Raimon (Inazuma Eleven) (also in Superstars)
Toy Bonnie (FNAF)
Now pretty much all of these besides Catwoman and maybe Scott & Nelly would've been fodder so not much was really lost by removing them.
And now, the response to reviews:
Guest: The cast is 12 veterans, 17 newcomers and 5 additional characters from another story of mine.
HaplessGaming: Cool. By the way, how's your story coming along?
G-Man 2.0: To be fair, they only lost this time because Banban was an oblivious moron.
Now let's get it on with the episode!
"Last time on Total Drama Multiversal Madness. The campers were forced to do labor work for our guest star Yellow Face by creating commercials. 1 was shitty, 1 was disgusting shit you'd find on AO3, and 1 was actually good but was given the worst score somehow. Toby Queef finally got out for not being woke enough for his teammates, but we failed to put him in the TLC of Shame so I guess he probably drowned in the Atlantic Ocean. Who will get out now? Find out here on
Total!
Drama!
Multiversal!
MADNESS!"
Episode 10: Bro, dying is gay
We were now in the TLC of Shame, where most of the eliminated contestants were, alongside Fries and EDP445 who were locked up by Chris for trespassing on his island.
Nightwing was trying to sneakily grab one of Fries' fries for him to eat, but the McDonalds box quickly slapped his hand and turned around to call him out.
"Don't touch my fries under any circumstance!" He demanded.
"But Fries, we've been starving for weeks! The only reason we're still alive is because we had to eat Cocoa Cookie's left arm!"
We then cut to Cocoa without her left arm. "Don't worry about this. A little surgery and I should be able to get an easy prosthetic replacement."
"I don't care! I'm DEAD without any of my fries, so you don't get anything okay?!"
"What, do you want me to end up like Monika?" Nightwing asked as he pointed to Monika, who became feral due to isolation and lack of food.
She had entirely green skin now, her hair was almost completely gone with just a few strands left, her clothes were full of holes, and her toenails grew so wide it destroyed her shoes. The only reason she didn't eat anyone there is that Wonder Woman prevented her from doing so by holding her up in the air for weeks.
"Hey guys, does anyone have any cupcakes?" EDP asked. "I'm starving."
"We all are EDP445, and you're probably the luckiest one here, since your big thicc body can probably let you survive for a few more days than us." Fries tells him.
"Hey! I ain't fat!" EDP445 delusionally denies.
"Can someone just kill me already?" Nightwing asked.
Jeffy was hitting his head on a tree near his team's cabin, for some reason.
Meanwhile, Ashley was casting some spells on the wildlife for practice.
A bear was lunging at her, but that didn't startle her at all.
"Turnintus Domesticatus Petus!" She muttered in latin as the bear suddenly completely changed demeanor. It now acted like a dog waiting to play fetch, and Ashley got it to run off by pretending to throw it a stick. "Yup, same stupid animals."
She then noticed Jeffy being a retard. "Jeffy, why in the world are you trying to give yourself brain damage?"
Her feminine voice caused the retard to stop hitting himself. "Oh hi Ashley, wanna see my pee-pee?"
"Uh, no."
"ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?!"
Ashley wasn't very pleased. "Yeah, I'm gonna go...somewhere, somewhere that I can't tell you because being mysterious is so much cooler than being straightforward."
"Damn right it is! See ya around, maybe we can do some diaper roleplays later!"
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Confessional: Ashley
Ashley: Jeffy is, to put it simply, a nightmare to be around for any woman. I've got to find a way to make him shut up, whether it be by spell or by a stern talking to.
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Confessional: Jeffy
Jeffy: See that daddy? I got some skibidi rizz, and you don't! Gyatt the fuck out with that!
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Plankton had arranged a meeting with his two girls at the dock, where no one would ever go to because it's not like you can swim with your clothes on.
"Took you two long enough!" Plankton berated them. "I've wanted to have some alliance talk since yesterday, but you two were too busy playing dress up apparently."
Rottytops yawned. "Hey, not my fault that fashionista tried to literally white wash me! Shoulda seen how I looked with all that ugly face paint, ooh, I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemies."
"I'm terribly sorry for that inconvenience Plankton, I promise I'll never be late again!" Cordelia said.
"Good. Now, let's talk about our team's main source of conflict: Johnny Cage."
"If you want my opinion sir, I believe we should vote for him the next time we lose. He holds no shame in his antics towards Brody, and I'm afraid things will escalate the longer he stays." Cordelia explains.
"And that's exactly why we're going to use that conflict to get Brody out!" Plankton declares.
"What?" Cordelia asks.
"I'm with you there sis, why's the dumb guy our target now?"
"Someone like him may be an idiot, but he's also likeable and decently helpful, a perfect recipe for an underdog."
"Oh, now we're talkin'!" Rottytops says.
"Good to see someone's listening to me. Since I doubt the rest of our team would ever vote for him, I suggest we make the situation around them a little violent."
Cordelia started to sweat. "W-Wait, you want to injure Brody?! That's awful! You can't just do that!"
"Hey, it's just a game sweetie, plus, I'd be quite fun to do that." Rottytops admitted.
"I...I need to go somewhere else if you'll excuse me."
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Confessional: Cordelia
Cordelia: I didn't expect for one of my allies to seriously even consider actual violence to advance in the game. I just hope they don't go through with that idea.
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When Cordelia and Rottytops went off on their own, Banban & Boba Fett had arrived to talk to him.
"So Plankton, why were you talking to those two?" Boba Fett asked him.
"Oh them? They're my alliance members from my team."
"Alliance? You didn't tell me that."
"So what? I doubt you and Banban would care about it." Plankton said as he saw that Banban was just staring. "Banban?"
Banban still kept staring, until he a tear came out of his eyes. "You...replaced us?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"Can you keep it down? I'm going, can't stand him." Plankton declared as he got out.
Banban was still crying. "Banvan, please stop. Banban!" Boba Fett said.
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Confessioxnal: Banban
Banban was crying again.
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Confessional: Boba Fett
Boba Fett: I hope Banban can stop it with the sobbing, both for his mental state, and honestly mine too.
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Dee Jay & Sanders were getting out of the cabin due to how annoying Banban's cries were.
"No idea what could be troubling him so much mon." Dee Jay said.
"Banban always seems to live in his own little world to be honest. Always having something strange to say."
"Hey, so long as he doesn't harm anyone, I'll say he's alright."
"Sure." Sanders said before realizing something. "Hey, have you ever noticed that, whatever channel we watch on the TV in Toby Queef's van, Total Drama is never on the schedule? Considering how fast they edit these episodes for broadcast, you'd think they'd be somewhere on the cable channels?"
"Maybe they just gave the rights to a streaming service? Happens all the time."
"...Ok, you're probably right."
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Confessional: Sanders
Sanders: Something still feels a little fishy, but I'll lay it off for now.
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At Team Cocoa Connor gathered everyone for a special announcement.
"Everyone, I've come to make an announcement. We need an air conditioner!"
Everyone was confused.
"Wh-Why would you want an air conditioner Connor?" Player asked. "We've got an entire island worth of fresh air."
Pillow then swallows some air and throws up. "Are you sure about that? Wait, that's probably just Homer's farts again!"
"R-Regardless of that, when global warming comes to Wawanakwa, we need to prepare ourselves for it!" Connor explained.
"Bro, climate change won't affect us that directly until like a few decades or even centuries. People are worried about it mostly for the distant future, not the next couple months." Mr. Cheese said.
"You guys do realize that by downplaying what's happening to the whole world, it's gonna get crappier right?" Sonic explained.
"Can we just talk about something else please? Connor's stupid, who cares about him?" Mr. Cheese says.
"Isn't that a little mean Mr. Cheese? Connor isn't doing any harm towards others." Player defended him.
"Gasp! A different opinion than the supreme Mr. Cheese's?! That's an outrage! Team, attack!"
Homer made a battle cry that sounded more like he was getting pleasured in bed and then punched Player in the face.
He was then stomped by Mr. Cheese, Homer, Pillow & Ash.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" He yelled in pain.
"Wow, and here I thought Eggman had a more fragile ego." Sonic said as Player was getting beat up.
After they were done, Player was on the ground, trampled beyond belief.
"Alright guys, let's go!" Mr. Cheese commanded, which got the rest of his team to exit the cabin.
All except Connor, who sat on his bad and casually talked to the injured Player.
"You know, you and me have a little more in common than you realize. We're both losers. No one ever listens to our ideas. No one takes us seriously. Difference is that while I learned to live with it, you haven't, as far as I'm aware."
"Don't even try comparing us Connor." Player replied. "Your ideas are completely nonsensical most of the time, and you just seem completely out of touch with the real world."
Connor didn't think much of what he said, and just continued chatting. "If you say so. But I'm just gonna remind you that I'm one of the few people on the team who hasn't treated you like garbage."
"...I suppose you're right on that. Are you trying to entice me to an alliance or something?"
"What? No, just wanted to chat is all. I'd prefer to not side with anyone here, and I doubt most of them would appreciate it." Connor explained.
"Oh. Sorry that I misinterpreted what you were saying man."
"Don't care."
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Confessional: Player
Player: Pretty sure that by this point, Sonic & Connor are the only people on my team who actually like me. Maybe also LSP but she has basically no screentime so I dunno.
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Confessional: Connor Roy
Connor: My life is sadder than Kanye West's last concert.
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We now cut Family Guy style to a Kanye West concert.
"What's up guys? It's Ye, 'bout to cover a song made by my favorite person in the world." Kanye West said before he started to rap.
"I am Adolf Hitler: Commander of the Third Reich!
Little known fact: also dope on ze mic!
You are Vader, vith your little boots and cape,
And helmet to cover up that burnt-ass face!
You have the force to move objects; I am a force truly evil!
Even went back in time and turned you vack in the prequel,
'Cause look at you! You're not even a real person!
I preferred you in Spaceballs: ze Rick Moranis version!"
Mona wasn't feeling too well from what happened yesterday. Watching some dude get CBT'd isn't exactly a trauma free experience. She was staying in her bed, pretending to sleep.
Cabby came into the cabin to see her.
"Mona, is there something troubling you? Since you certainly don't seem fine."
Mona came out of her blanket, clearly tired. "I mean, I just...I haven't been feeling all that well for a while. First there was that really racist challenge, totally bonkers the producers allowed that! Then some guy yelled at me for no good reason and made me look like a crybaby, then the truth challenge, which while it wasn't particularly bad for me, I still couldn't stand how much everyone was utterly embarrassed. And finally, Johnny's started to treat poor Brody like he's some kind of animal, when in reality he's the nicest guy here!" She explained as she slightly teared up.
Cabby was taking noted this whole time, and paused to talk to her. "I see. Judging by the way you talk, you seem pretty overwhelmed by Total Drama. That's not exactly a bad thing, you're not "weak", you're just an average girl who can't handle such harsh situations."
"Oh, then, thanks Cabs! Good to see someone's listening to me!" Mona responded, now a little more happy than before.
"No worries there Mona. You can always talk to me if you've got any trouble."
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Confessional: Cabby
Cabby: It always feels good when I end up using my files to help others, makes me feel validated. It also works to improve my social game, but that's secondary to the actual bonds I want to make here.
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Bea was training as usual in the woods. She was beating into a dead tree, and managed to take it down with just a few kicks.
She then stood on that fallen tree's stump to rest. She was then approached by Nichelle, who seemed pretty happy to see her.
"Hey Bea! Now, if you don't mind, can you, uh, train me? I don't really care that much about becoming better than you anymore, but I still want to prove myself somehow!"
Bea let out a slight chuckle at how desperate she seemed to act. "...Haven't gotten used to being nice to others, have you?"
Which didn't exactly please her. "A-ARE you mocking me?!"
"Calm down. I was only kidding of course. Where do we start at?"
Nichelle was surprised to hear her old rival be so willing to help her. "Really? This is fast. One day we hate our guts and then the other we're all buddy buddy."
"You apologized. I accepted that apology. Something wrong with that?"
"Uh, nooo. Let's train here! I'd be great!"
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Confessional: Nichelle
Nichelle: First time in a while that I'm not full of myself or wallowing in self pity, all thanks to that Bea. Honestly, I mostly did this as an opportunity to get closer to her, since she's cool and all.
Nichelle's cheeks blushed.
Nichelle: N-Not because I like like her or anything, no! Even if she's got some fine abdomen, a-and a handsome face-Oh my god! I've fallen in love with Bea!
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Amy had managed to track down Sonic, who was running around across the island beach, carefree. She had a little gift in her back to give him a warm surprise.
"Oh Sonic! Your future spouse is here!" She yelled at him as he was running and he stopped.
"Sup' Amy, just going through my daily walk. Hey, you've got something pretty spicy!"
"Yes, yes I do. Wanna take a lil peak under my dre-"
"What? No, that's disgusting. I just smelled some good ol' chili dogs in the back!"
Amy freezes in shock to his comment, dropping the now revealed chili dogs she was holding, before Sonic used his super speed to grab them just before they hit the ground.
"Thanks a lot. I miss shoving these in my mouth!" Sonic said whilst eating. "Smell ya later!" He said as he left the beach.
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Confessional: Amy Rose
Amy: Curse that McLean for putting us on different teams! That and all the torture he puts us through, which is objectively worse than that, but this is personal okay?!
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Confessional: Sonic The Hedgehog
Sonic was finishing his chili dogs.
Sonic: Y'know, maybe women do belong in the kitchen!
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The whole ass cast went over to the challenge area and were of course awaited by Chris.
"How does everyone feel about having decent screentime for once?" He mockingly asked. "Only took Banban being a crybaby bitch to not have him hog the spotlight."
Banban was still crying over the whole "replacing" drama he made up in his mind, so Chris' assessment was 100% right.
"Tell us what the challenge is dipshit. I'm going to watch a Trump rally in a few hours so I can't waste my time like this!" Johnny complained.
"Alright alright Mr. mexican hater. Today's challenge is going up a bunch of stairs."
Absolutely no one was impress-
"Oh my god! That must be the most diabolical challenge you've ever come up with!" Said Homer the retard.
"I'm dying inside." Player casually muttered.
"Knowing him, it's probably like 300 stairs." Sonic snarked.
"Close enough. It's 1500 stairs!"
Ok, now everyone gasps at that.
"Hey pals, at least I can maybe lose some weight climbing all that!" Gumshoe exclaims in his usual childish optimism.
"Can you stop fatshaming plus sized people?!" Leafy complained.
"KYS fat activist!" Jeffy then fired back.
"All this edgy nonsense reminds me of that Guy Fawkes VS Joker rap battle." Dee Jay said.
We now cut to Guy Fawkes & Joker, who were having a rap battle.
Warning: skip this part if you don't want to read a bunch of edgy shit copy pasted from a decade old rap battle.
"En garde! Here I come, ripping your head off! With your face full of cum, nothing to be scared of! You're just a pathetic, depressed little clown, who cannot remember how he drowned! I'm the symbol of liberty, your life's a buffoonery. Mine's a destiny, I gathered an online army! I brought anarchy, you ended up in jail! Let's put a smile on that face that just got raped!" Guy Fawkes said.
"Woo hoo hoo, and here we go! You little bastard, no one even remembers your name! Now you're just a mask, not even an idea! Every fifteen years old put it on for something lame! Man, seriously, you're famous because you failed! It's like your whole life turned out to be a complete waste! This is what happens when a mad dog chases a fucking asshole! Bend your burnt body, body and suck my balls! Guy Fawkes? He's gay folks, Rhyming with his small talks! He hide his face, don't wanna tease, Because of bad herpes! In a way you may complete me, I never defeated Batman, you never banged Portman!" Joker said.
"Don't make me laugh, you freaky emo queer, I'm the bad Guy! I destroyed the government while you tried to make a bat cry! You think you're tough with your scars and your fancy make up? I'll beat you rough, I'm tough, no jokes, you better give up! I'm violently violating your vagina, voraciously and viciously, Vanquishing the virulent vermin with a vendetta! I'm very sorry but I'm not kidding! You better be crying!" Guy Fawkes said.
"Jeez, don't be a jerk, Jesus! You're just jealous! I'm the genuine genius joking as a jeering Anonymous! You freak, wanna see a magic trick? Here is your ass and here's my dick! Why so serious while I'm raping your anus? Feel the fear in your stomach, well it's just my penis! You little slut, call yourself V for victim! Get over here and let my knife have a deep talk with your rectum!" Joker said.
"Don't remind me of that." Sanders told him. "That video scarred my niece for life."
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Confessional: Nichelle
Nichelle: Sheesh. that is absolutely not something kids should be able to watch! Or this show in fact.
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"Fuck off with the cutaways man, Family Guy sucks!" Chris said his opinion on Family Guy. Daring today, aren't we? "Interns! Bring in the bigass staircase!"
We then see Swag & Guard Chris somehow bringing in with 2 small helicopters 3 large staircases that each had 5 points with no stairs.
"Holy crap. That's the largest thing I've seen!" Mona noted.
"Nah, my pee pee is still bigger than this! And pointier too!" Jeffy said, to the horrors of everyone, myself included.
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Confessional: Ashley
Ashley: Psychologically breaking down this pervert is gonna be much harder than it normally is.
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"The kid reminds me of my ex wife in a bikini, cuz he disgusts me." Chris said. "Anyway, here's how the challenge works: you get chosen at random to climb up that shitton of stairs until you get to a checkpoint of sorts. Then the next one on the team climbs up even more stairs to the next checkpoint. Rinse and repeat until you get to the top before the rest. 5 people are sent out, and the last team to get to the top loses, and, since we've not had one in a while, and we've still got a ton of dudes left, the losers will eliminate TWO people cuz FUCK YOU!" Chris finished his explanation before giving the middle finger.
"Double elimination? Great." Plankton remarked. "Now we've gotta be EXTRA good this challenge if we wanna win!"
"Since the other 2 teams have 8 members each, they're likely to target us in particular, as we have 3 extra." Cabby points out. "So we should be careful.
"Bitch you think anyone who isn't a villain has any strategy? Besides Heather, Courtney, Alejandro, Scott, Scarlett, Bowie, MK, Julia, Nom Nom, DIO, Cinder, Dr. Coyle, Light Yagami, Rick Sanchez, Tenpenny, Starscream, Alastor, Darla & Katz, literally every other contestant in every other season seems to think just being nice to people is the only possible strat to win the game." Chris told her.
"Who the hell are most of these people?" Brody asked.
"A lot are from crossover seasons from other universes. Or at least where the authors actually completed their work. But whatever, I'm going to pick a name from a hat on who will run."
Chris then pulls out some names. "For Team Cocoa, they have Sonic, LSP, Player, Mr. Cheese & Connor. For Rose, it's Bea, Nichelle, Dee Jay, Sanders & Banban. And for Pee Pee, you got Jeffy, Rottytops, Gumshoe, Johnny Cage & Brody. All in that exact order."
"Seriously? We could've saved Sonic for last for an easy win, but instead we get stupid old Connor for that." Mr. Cheese said.
"Hey! I'm not useless." Connor countered.
"Connor, I like you and all but the only time you've ever done good in a challenge was due to a dumb loophole." Player pointed out.
"I, um, just forget it."
Quickly enough, Sonic, Bea & Jeffy were ready to start racing.
"Now before we begin." Chris began. "I'd like to say something about the viewers: go write actual reviews, no "wow this is good, keep it up!" if this is all you'll write, then you clearly have nothing to say. Be honest about what you think, go in-depth, even if you absolutely hate this story with a passion. Don't bother with it if you don't have anything to say."
The cast was confused by what Chris said, as if he was possessed by a higher being as a mouthpiece for a problem they didn't know jack shit about.
"Ok." Said everyone.
After that random scene, Chris was now going to finally start the challenge.
"Ready, set, GO!"
Before the other two could even begin to run, Sonic instantly climbed all those stairs and reached his checkpoint in a second.
"That was easy!" He proclaimed.
"So I guess Team Cocoa's got a head start already. Though considering the rest of their members, I doubt it's going to last!" Chris quipped as he chuckled at the thought of Team Cocoa losing.
"Psst, LSP, it's time for you to race okay? Get us to win." Player tells LSP who is staring at her phone once again.
"Wait, oh, yeah, like right. I'll go." She said with UZZING excitement as she slowly floated towards the next checkpoint.
Meanwhile, Jeffy & Bea actually started to run.
"If I get there before you, your choco feet are gonna give me a good footjob on the pee pee okay?" Jeffy told his opponent, who sneered in his direction and ran even faster, quickly outpacing him.
"Fuck!" He said disappointingly.
Jeffy tried to run with Bea, but the fighter managed to get to the checkpoint first.
"And so Bea gets to the first checkpoint for Team Rose! Next up is Nichelle!" Chris declares.
Nichelle got to the stair and began the long walk, notably less confident than usual.
"Uh, wish me luck guys!" She yelled at her teammates before sprinting up.
"Gee, that's pretty unheard of her to not be an overconfident bragger!" Amy noted.
"Suppose her talk with Bea yesterday really did make her think mon." Dee Jay said. "Let's hope she keeps it up, or else her butt's gone ASAP."
We now focus back on the competitors and see that LSP's outpaced Jeffy, who was at the first checkpoint, which caused him to get a little angry.
"God fucking dammit! Couldn't I at least been beaten by a 11/10 chocolate waifu instead of a 2/10 fatass bitch?!"
LSP didn't react at all to the retard's rant, and just moved on.
"Jeffy's reached his checkpoint guys! Go Rotty go!" Mona proclaims.
"Alrighty then, watch and learn!" Rottytops declared as she detached her legs from her body and ran real fast with 'em. "Yo Chris, does this count?"
Chris shrugged. "I suppose so. I don't give a shit honestly, this season is whackier than the time Yanderedev groomed a minor online."
We cut to a terminally online game developer known as Yanderedev who is coding his game Yandere Simulator. He's in the midst of adding a worthless new feature that no one wanted instead of making actual progress, but is stopped by a notification on his phone.
"Hey" said a DM from Snapchat.
He then proceeded to groom that minor for the rest of the day because he's a fucking narcissistic pedophile.
Then, right before he goes to sleep, he sings a song:
"Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(Whoa-ho)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(Optimus Prime)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(I groomed a minor)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(I groomed a minor)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(I groomed a minor)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(I groomed a minor)
[Verse]
If you're alone and you are sixteen
Come in my room, in my country it's legal
I cannot have a grown woman
I'm grooming kiddies tonight
[Refrain]
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(That's what my baby said)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(Coochie coochie coo means that)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
(Big Chungus- I don't know)
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
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BACKR00MS
Playboi Carti
Groomer Nae Nae
Cosmodore
(G)I-DLE - Wife (Engli Translation)
Genius English Translations
[Chorus]
Groom, groom, groom, groom
I want you in my room
But only if you're sixteen
Can't have you if you're eighteen
Groom, groom, groom, groom
I want you in my room
But only if you're sixteen
Can't have you if you're eighteen"
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Confessional: Rottytops
Rottytops: Ok, also partly because I did not want that pervert Jeffy anywhere near my body! I like teasing dumb guys and all, but he's just repulsive!
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LSP got to the second checkpoint way before the other two and let out a monotone "Yay!" to celebrate.
"Guess that means Player's up next for the cocoas!" Chris declared, which caused some of Player's teammates to groan.
"BOOOOOOOO!" Homer in particular yelped.
"Loser." Mr. Cheese said.
"I don't have any original witty insults." Pillow blurts out.
"At this point I'm barely affected by the bullying. I'm off, screw you guys."
Nichelle was right at the first checkpoint with Bea there.
"Alright, halfway through!" She yelped whilst sweating profusely under all the running, until she slipped. "Whoa!"
She felt the fall for barely a second due to Bea grabbing her hand and getting her back up.
"Phew, t-thanks, I guess?" Nichelle said to her savior as she blushed a little then turned her head around for Bea to not see it.
"No need to thank me. Just move on with the challenge."
"Okay." Nichelle said as she continued on with her climb. "Don't forget about our training sweetie!"
"S-Sweetie?"
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Confessional: Nichelle
Nichelle crossed her arms.
Nichelle: Stupid idiot! What did mommy and daddy teach ya about not getting it on with girls?! I so hope that comment doesn't make it on air.
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Rottytops' legs were walking on their own and had no trouble at all, reaching the first checkpoint quickly.
Jeffy tried to flirt once again. "Oh hey there! Would you be interested if you gave me a footjo-" He then got kicked in the ding dong by Rottytops's boots. "My pee pee hurts." He nonchalantly stated.
Player had passed the first checkpoint with Sonic and was in the bottom. "C'mon Player, you've gotta win this one for the team!" He declared to himself.
Nichelle reached the second checkpoint first. "Booyah! Alright guys, get movin'!"
Team Rose heard her from afar and Dee Jay stepped in. "My turn mon, lemme show ya some of my sick moves!"
He proceeded to do a moonwalk over the stairs no biggie. It was a great sight to behold.
"Wow, that looks so cool! Dee Jay doesn't lie when he says he's got moves!" Amy said, totally amazed by Dee Jay's dance.
Meanwhile, Boba Fett was trying to reason with Banban, who was crying, or at least trying to, because his tears dried up.
"Come on Banban, you'll be up eventually, so calm down so we can win the challenge and not get yourself voted off."
Banban couldn't cry tears anymore, so he opted to put sparkling water he got from the kitchen in his eyes as an alternative. "Plankton betrayed us Bob! He never cared about us!"
"Took you long enough to realize. Look, if we want to not get targeted, we shouldn't let our team lose, especially if they could potentially blame us for their loss, so help out or you're out."
"Hmmm, I'll think about it."
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Confessional: Boba Fett
Boba Fett: Banban has been tasting my patience for a while, if he gets himself into trouble, I won't bother trying to save him.
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Rottytops felt her legs touch the second checkpoint's floor and realized she made it.
"Yes yes YES! GOT'EM!" She happily exclaimed on the ground with no legs.
"Ok, so I guess that means she made it. Detective Gumshoe, it's your turn." Cordelia said.
"Got that pal! Time to go!" Gumshoe claimed as he went up the staircase and immediately tripped and fell back onto the ground.
"Oooh, that's gonna leave a mark." Cabby cringed at Gumshoe's epic fail.
"Or a broken neck." Ashley added.
Back at the staircase, Player was able to actually reach the third checkpoint, but was also extremely sweaty to the point where he could barely walk and collapsed.
Dee Jay then arrived almost instantly to his team's checkpoint. "Ok, we've caught up with the other team mon!"
"Mr. Cheese, Sanders, you two are up." Chris said.
"Alrighty then cheesy boys, I'm 'bout to show you how cool I am!" Mr. Cheese bragged as he ran fast.
Both of them ran at the same speed and started to pass up Gumshoe.
"What? Come on, I can't lose this!"
So he started to run faster, but even then he was still slower than the two.
On the ground Homer & Connor were talking.
"Man my family's such a drag sometimes! My son is a trouble maker, daughter's an SJW, the baby still hasn't learned to walk over 30 years later, and my wife-actually my wife's got some nice titties so she's ok!" Homer said to Connor.
"At least yours probably loves you. I've been ignored by mine for most of my life, so much so I've simply learned to not care about being loved."
"I dunno. Sounds pretty cool, cuz then you'd have no responsibilities!"
"I mean, I do still have some, like running for president, or or -ughhhhhhh, actually, just forget it."
"And Mr. Cheese & Gumshoe have reached their respective checkpoints!" Chris declared.
"What? Already? Crap, I gotta go!" Connor said as he tried to run on the stairs, keyword being try, as he was slow as a snail.
We then cut to the stairs again and see Sanders reached the fourth checkpoint.
"And Sanders made it as well! Banban is up for the Roses!"
Boba Fett heard that and was concerned at the still sad Banban losing them the challenge.
"Banban, come on! We'll lose if you don't step up." He told him.
"What's the point? I already lost everything I cared about!"
"Not everything. Think about it: if you get eliminated so early, you won't be the funniest character of the season, right? And that is exactly what you want, to be funny, so do this."
"You're...YOU'RE RIGHT! I CAN'T BE THE FUNNIEST GUY HERE IF I'M NOT HERE! I've got a plan that'll make us win for sure! Just wait for me okay?" Banban proudly declared and left.
"Ok, still not sure if we're going to win or not.
Johnny quickly reached the fourth checkpoint before Connor & Banban even got to the first one.
"Ah, fuck, I'm so tired!" He said as he arrived.
"Ok, now it's down to Connor on Team Cocoa, Banban on Team Rose and Brody on Team Pee Pee!" Chris said. "Whoever places last will get their team to lose 2 members, so this is gonna be interesting!"
Connor was panting, barely able to run as his heart started to give in, and he was barely at checkpoint 2!
Brody was running just fine actually, already at the top compared to the other 2.
And Banban just came back to start.
"How in the world are we going to win if you haven't even started?" Amy asked him.
"Don't worry guys, I ate a bunch of burritos so we should-"
Banban farted a little.
"Ooooh, I can just feel the heat in my rectum right now!"
"What-What the heck Banban?!"
Banban then let out a massive fart that launched him right into the top.
The teammates who were at the checkpoints smelled his fart and were all disgusted, letting out "Ughs" and "Ewws" and coughing.
Banban nearly fell off the final checkpoint but was barely able to hang on and get up.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH BABY, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT, WOOOOOOOOOO!" He celebrated.
"Banban took a page out of Ripper's butt and farted his way to victory! Which is fine by me, since I have an open fart fetish! So Team Cocoa's probably losing, since Connor is as slow as a snail."
"I heard that one Chris! Have some respect for your seniors!" Connor yelled at him as he reached the third checkpoint whilst Brody was nearly at the end.
Plankton went over to tell something to Johnny from below. "Hey Johnny, listen to me!"
Johnny had nothing to do so he replied. "What?"
"Brody is about to reach your checkpoint, you should do something about it to stop him! If you do this, I'll vote him off okay?"
"Woooo! That's fine by me."
Brody got to the fourth checkpoint with little issue and greeted Johnny. "Hey man, how you doing?
"Shut the fuck up spic. Just move on with it if we want to win!"
"F-Fine."
As Brody walked to the fifth checkpoint, Johnny pushed him off the staircase and got him to collapse to the ground.
"BRODY!" The whole of team pee pee went out of concern for him, Plankton included.
Johnny however, didn't care, if anything he felt great potentially causing him great harm.
"Jesus! I didn't expect for it to get that violent!" Chris said.
The members of his team rushed to Brody's aid(s), with him making a human shaped hole in the ground.
Everyone else just stared in confusion.
Cabby took Brody's out of the hole, and the results were not pretty.
"Br-Brody, n-no!" Mona yelped, tears starting to form in her eyes alongside the others besides Rottytops.
It didn't take a genius to see how severe his condition was. It looked like he broke every bone in his body, blood was everywhere, his skin was partially ripped off, and his neck was broken.
Cabby tearfully checked his pulse. "He he he's a-alive, if you can even call it that. He seems to be completely paralyzed for life! Poor poor Brody!"
Johnny had gotten out of the staircase with a smirk on his face. "Hah, look at this guy! Serves him right for screwing with the cage!"
He was then quickly slapped in the face by Mona, who looked uncharacteristically angry. "YOU! You monster! You killed him! You killed someone, how can you be so cruel?!"
"She's right you know. You should feel ashamed of yourself!" Cabby added.
"Yeah! I've never seen someone as violent and horrible!" Gumshoe yelled. "You deserve prison time!"
"EXACTLY! YOU'RE A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT! FUCK YOU, FUCK CHRIS, FUCK THIS GAME!" Mona yelled at the top of her damn lungs.
"M-Mona? Are you ok?" Cabby asks, greatly concerned about her friend.
"It-It's-I'm fine! I-I'll just go, I feel like shit."
Mona left the team to their own devices.
"Johnny, in the kindest of terms, fuck you." Plankton said.
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Confessional: Plankton
Plankton: I expected Johnny to beat Brody up a little, but I didn't expect this! I'm evil and all, but I'm not heartless! ...After we got rid of Brody, we're going to vote Johnny off right afterwards, we can't let him stay here for longer!
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Confessional: Cordelia
Cordelia: I hope, hope, HOPE Plankton's not behind all of this, if he was, I'll skewer him right with my lance!
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Confessional: Rottytops
Rottytops: Am I the only one here who doesn't care much about Brody? Guy was the definition of basic bitch, so I won't miss him.
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Confessional: Leafy
Leafy: Johnny was super mean this episode! I'm removing him from my Discord friendlist FOREVER!
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Confessional: Mona
Mona: I'm just...pissed the fuck off right now! I wanted to be on this show for fun and to get a nice boyfriend, and now we just have people dying left and right! I can't fucking do this, I just can't!
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Confessional: Jeffy
Jeffy: Johnny Cage can suck my pee pee! Actually no, my pee pee is too good for him, I want him to get some AIDS!
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We now cut to the elimination ceremony at night, all the 11 members of Team Pee Pee, Brody's fate worse than death body included, were attending it and were all staring at Johnny. Team Rose was also there to watch, for some reason.
Chris was happy to finally have Team Pee Pee go up for elimination again. "Since you guys had Brody be braindead before he reached the top of the staircase, you lost. Now you're going to lose 2 members in 1 ceremony, and you'll also be watched by the winners of today's challenge!"
"Fuck Cordelia! She and Rottytops are ripoffs of me and Boba Fett cuz we have the same colors!" Banban complained.
"You've talked about them for hours. Can you stop?" Boba Fett asked him.
"Yeah, super annoying and we don't even have a clue why you're even beefing with them." Sanders added.
"Whatever, might as well give reasons, Do the honors inferior Chris."
"Fine asshole. Johnny, you're a real piece of work."
"Why do any of you give so much shit about that retarded mexican? I honestly did you guys a favor getting rid of him."
"HE WAS A PERSON!" Yelled Mona. "But move on."
"Brody, he is braindead, what more can I say?"
"Honestly, since we all know it's those two, just vote literally right here, I'm tired as fuck from all this nonsense."
Everyone was about to point their fingers at Johnny before Plankton stopped them. "Guys, guys, let's vote Brody first, okay? I don't want to see him like that for even a few extra seconds."
"I suppose that's true." Cordelia said. "Goodbye Brody."
"Goodbye Brody."
"Goodbye Brody."
"Rest In Piss Brody."
That last one earned Jeffy a slap from Leafy, which is a rare win for her.
"I suppose Brody's gone. Oh well, maybe they can eat his body in the TLC of Shame!" Chris joked which got him a few cold glares from the team.
The Fist Thingy of Despair threw Brody's body into the TLC as everyone felt emotionally exhausted.
"And now we can vote off that good for nothing Johnny." Gumshoe said.
"No U won't! Cuz Team Rose will instead!" Chris suddenly declared to everyone.
"Seriously? Why?!" Cabby asked passive aggressively.
"Because it's super predictable who will get out otherwise." Chris explained.
"Well I suppose we should just vote off John-" Amy was about to say before she got cut off by Banban.
"CORDELIA! THAT BITCH TOOK MY SPOT IN PLANKTON'S ALLIANCE! SHE AND THE ZOMBIE WHORE SEDUCED HIM AND MANIPULATED HIM TO BACKSTAB ME & BOBA FETT!"
"What the fuck?!" Dee Jay asked in disbelief. "Plankton has an alliance?!"
"YES! ME AND BOBA FETT WERE ALLIED WITH HIM SINCE THE FOURTH EPISODE, WE WERE GOING TO GO THE END BUT NO, THOSE SLUTS JUST HAD TO FUCK US IN THE ASS BOTH FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY!"
"Banban, what are you doing?! You're exposing our alliance!" Boba Fett tells him.
"So it seems you do have an alliance Plankton?" Cabby states.
"And I didn't even know we had other members!" Rottytops says.
Cordelia tried to defuse the situation to no avail. "Everyone, we need to calm down, let's just talk it out like normal adults!"
"You're an adult? All anime girls look like they're 15 or younger!" Jeffy said.
"And I didn't even replace those two, the color scheme thing is a total coincidence!" Plankton explained.
"VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA! VOTE CORDELIA!"
"God, we get it mon! Let's just vote off Cordelia to get him to calm down with his meltdown!" Dee Jay said.
"Cordelia."
"Cordelia."
"Cordelia unfortunately."
"COR-FUCKING-DELIA!"
"I guess Cordelia is out for some reason." Chris said. "Go to the TLC of Shame bitch."
"What? What did I do wrong?" Cordelia wondered out loud, confused why the hell she got voted off.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE A MAN STEALING WHORE! SERVES YOU RIGHT!"
"Honestly I don't even care, just please get me out of this autistic manchild's sight."
Cordelia was instantly hit by the Fist Thingy of Despair.
"Hah! You can't beat the Cage assholes!" Johnny bragged.
"About that. Swag, do your thing." Chris ordered.
"Suck on deez nuts in hell bro!" Swag said before shooting Johnny dead with a gun.
"That is more fucked up than the time Vaush fucked a horse." Jeffy said.
We cut to Vaush-
NO
NO
NO
NO!
I AM NOT DOING THAT!
I KNOW THIS IS ALREADY EDGY JUVENILE SHIT BUT THIS IS TOO FAR!
NO MORE SHITTY CUTAWAY GAGS FROM NOW ON!
"Since Johnny was heavily derailed by the author, we will bring in a more in-character Johnny Cage from an alternate univese next day, and you will all make sure to never mentioned this happened again, ok?"
The whole team nodded.
"Now that Plankton's alliance has been exposed, how would the cast react? Will Mona ever be her cheery self again? And will the next challenge actually be good? Find out next time on
Total!
Drama!
Multiversal!
MADNESS!
Dj Not Nice & Toby Queef arrived back on Camp Wawanakwa.
"You sure those faggots won't see us?" Queef asked.
"I am as sure as my father was that we'd win in Vietnam!"
"But aren't you Chinese?"
"Same thing!"
"Ok."
So yeah, I basically sacrificed any potential Cordelia had for the sake of a joke elimination, what a hack I am.
And yes, Johnny will be written completely differently next chapter, don't you worry.
Both of the eliminated characters I gave plotlines a few episodes before their eliminations so they weren't gonna end up as filler, even if I did a terrible job with Brody's to be honest.
And finally, time for the next sequel newbie contestant reveal:
A white guy with sunglasses and a scissors neckchain greeted the camera.
"WASSUP?! It's PolitikZ here, the white boy who's saving hip-hop!" His voice was as grating as possible.
"Yo check out mah mixtape!" He said before we cut to a shitty music video.
"Aha, ayo
Who would've thought that a white boy would bring hip hop back?
Yo, I do it for the real hip hop, you know what I'm sayin'?
Fuck Drake, real hip hop
I'm a spiritual lyrical individual
Spiritual miracle lyrical individual
Spiritual miracle individual
Skippin' and flippin' and dippin'
And skippin' and flippin' and dippin'
The illest, the killest, the skill of the willest
I'm the realest, I'm the realest
I'm bringin' real hip hop back, don't you ever forget it
Fuck Lil Wayne and the government's corrupt
Fuck the government 'cause I don't give a fuck
I'm the realest in the game 'cause I'm underground
And fuck that mainstream shit 'cause I don't give a fuck
I'm a spiritual lyrical miracle
Lyrical spiritual illest of miracle lyricals
Flippin' and dippin' and skippin'
Real hip hop, don't you ever forget it
It's that underground shit, it's the white boy that said it
Real hip hop, don't you ever forget it
It's that underground shit and it's the white boy that—"
PolitikZ-The Realest Of The Realest (The Filthy Frank Show)