Welp, this is it: The Merge! This episode is gonna be a fun one, to say the least, and a HUGE milestone!
So yeah go ahead and read, and be sure to leave a review when you finish doing that!
"Last time on Total Drama Multiversal Madness!
We had some dumbass join just to annoy Player because he's a pissy bitch. The whole challenge was a total snoozefest that was super boring. Sanders tried to play the role of swing vote on her team, and when they lost, bragged about how safe she was. Boy was she wrong, cuz her team turned on her literally right after she said that and voted her off like nothing! Now we're finally in the merge as the final 19 prepares to up their game!
Will we have a huge, dramatic episode? Or is it gonna be actual hot garbage? Find out now on
Total!
Drama!
Multiversal!
MADNESS!"
Episode 17: The Retardculous Race
The TLC was now filled with a dozen or so people who were equally starving to death.
Fries was constantly slapping the hands of anyone who tried to eat his fries.
"Don't touch that!" He yelled at Jeffy. "Get your filthy hands off of me this instant!"
"C'mon Fries, don't you think it's a bit selfish to not allow us to eat your DELICIOUS little fries?!" Leafy said, her eyes hyperfocusing on his fries.
"Don't even THINK ABOUT IT LEAFY! Gosh, when in McDonald's name are they gonna let us out? I'm not even a frickin' contestant, GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!"
Meanwhile we see that the other TLC people were banging on the metal walls.
"C'mon, how hard are these walls?!" Sanders wondered.
"Considering we've been doing this since forever, very." Cordelia replies.
"Thank goodness I don't have to do anything!" Mr. Cheese bragged as he had Ash cool him with a palm leaf he somehow had. "Even here Mr. Cheese is still the golden boy!"
"Talk about being self centered." Nightwing muttered. "This is torture."
"At least you didn't have your arm get eaten!" Cocoa Cookie said to him. "Luckily, it's not very expensive to replace a limb as a cookie."
"Why did you bother eating Brody's limbs when she was right there?" Mr. Cheese asked.
"What is wrong with you?" Cordelia asked back.
Then right after that they heard Chris and Swag talk.
"Bro I really REALLY REALLY REALLY need to piss! Can I open the can just this once?" Swag begged.
"Sure, they've probably all starved to death by now anyway. We didn't give them food at all, maybe like 3 are still alive."
Swag then proceeded to open the lid and was surprised by seeing (most) of them still alive. "Oh shit! Ah whatever, I'll just ignore them."
He took out his pee pee out and started to piss in the TLC.
"Quick, overwhelm him before he closes it again!" Sanders demands.
Leafy proceeds to cut the duct tape keeping Feral Monika from eating everyone and throws her at Swag's dick. "Blue skidoo, she'll bite your wiener too!"
Feral Monika proceeds to bite hard into Swag's wee wee, which surprisingly arroused him.
"Aw! That's super damn hot, do it more! Bite it like it's hot, bite it like it's hot!"
"Normally I would be disgusted but this is Swag we're talking about. Not surprising in the slightest he's into that." Chris remarked. "Wait a sec, is that Brody guy dead?"
Jeffy checked his pulse. "I dunno, maybe?"
"We ate his fucking limbs, how WOULDN'T he be dead?!" Nightwing responded.
"Wait, I have an idea." Chris said before going and grabbing a recovery center and putting Brody's name in it. "He should be alive in a few seconds."
The moment he touched the "recover" button, Brody was brought back from the dead.
"Woah bro, what the heck happened? Last thing I remembered, Johnny pushed me off a big staircase, and then, woop! Nothing!"
"You got eliminated after being paralyzed." Cordelia explained. "Oh, and sorry for eating your body. I cried for every bite I took."
"No worries girl!" Brody replied. "Wait I'm eliminated?"
Chris then pushed Brody onto the TLC of Shame. "Yup, and now you're back where you belong."
Chris then started to close the lid again.
"WAIT WAIT WAIT! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS TO US!" Leafy shouted.
"Please, we've been here for so long, just give us food, that's all we need!" Nightwing begged.
"Ok, now that I think about it, I think we can find a good use for you guys." Chris admitted. "I'll talk to the boss about it."
"Yeah!" Swag shouted, with Feral Monika still biting him. "Do it harder, harder!"
Chris vomits. "I hate my life."
Swag drops his phone and Leafy proceeds to grab it. "Guys, I know a REALLY good service that sells some good islands!"
She then types the phone number. "HELLO I'M LEAFY AND I WANT A LEAFY SHAPED ISLAND!"
Mr. Cheese grabs it. "Gimme that! Cheese island all the way!"
Sanders grabs the phone herself. "Stop making silly, unrealistic requests! Hello, I want an island made of KFC."
"PEE PEE ISLAND!" Jeffy shouted.
"We might as well invite the people not in the TLC as well to order some islands." Cordelia suggested.
"Great, McLean's definitely gonna use our salary for this." Chris complained. "Asshole."
"Hey Chris don't you want to get your dick bitten by an anime girl?" Swag asked him.
"Kill yourself."
Back to the contestants, Gumshoe was seen spying on Chris from a bush. The latter did not notice him at all, because he was stupid.
"Ok, nothing suspicious for now. Amazing pal." He went. "This is gonna take a long time."
"I know, crazy how no one has ever catched him despite all the evidence!" Caine remarked.
"I wonder how the digital circus people are doing." Gumshoe wondered.
"Probably CRIYING AND SHAKING that their beloved ringleader isn't around!"
Cut to the circus performers and Bubble having a rave party, with Kinger as the DJ.
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Confessional: Dick Gumshoe
Gumshoe: Pal, this may be the best chance I'll have to advance my career in my life! Plus, Chris is evil, he needs to be behind bars!
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We see the team cocoa people all eating at the same table.
"Well everybody, I just want to say that from now on-" Pillow began as she lunged a knife into the table. "-we won't be teammates, so I suggest watching out at night."
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Confessional: Player
Player: Like she didn't already kill one of us on day 2.
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Confessional: Pillow
Pillow: Killing them is gonna be so fun!
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Confessional: LSP
LSP: Why did we never vote off that psycho again?
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"Ok, but can you target Captain first?" Player asked her. "Pretty please."
"What's he done wrong anyway?" Connor wonders. "He seemed nice."
"You say that because you've not had to know him for years and gotten continuously harassed by him ALL THE TIME!"
"I'd be flattered if I were you, to know someone cares about me that much. My wife for example, she cares about me."
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Confessional: Player
Player: Talk about having issues.
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"Whatever Connor. Let's not fret so much about this. Captain sucks, end of day."
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Confessional: Connor Roy
Connor: What's so bad about him again?
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Captain was going over to Team Rose's table, more specifically to the alliance between Bea, Dee Jay and Nichelle.
"Hey there folks. Can I join your alliance thingy?"
"Uh...nope." Nichelle responded.
"Is it because I'm white?"
"No mon. Where'd you get that idea?"
"Well you all picked the brown skin, which shouldn't even be possible without mods, so you all must really like the color brown. And I've picked the white color, which is my main one, so there's some conflict of interest there."
The three of them then proceeded to leave him.
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Confessional: Captain
Captain: Darn, who knew brown crewmates could be so mean?
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The final 19 went in to the challenge area where Chris and his two interns were.
"Sup' my least favorite group of campers ever! Do you know what time it is?"
"Time for you to shut the fuck up?" Banban replied.
"Fuck you Banban. No one likes you, not even G-man 2.0 likes you!" Chris tells him, causing Banban to cry.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Everyone covers their ears to that.
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: a
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: b
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: c
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: d
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: e
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: f
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: g
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: h
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: i
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: j
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: k
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: l
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: m
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: n
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: o
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: p
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: q
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: r
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: s
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: t
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: u
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: v
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: w
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: x
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: y
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Confessional: Banban
Banban: z
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"Did Banban spell the whole alphabet in 26 confessionals to pad out the wordcount? Yes he did." Chris admitted. "Anyway, now it's time for the merge to start!"
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Confessional: Nichelle
Nichelle: WOOO! Third time's the charm baby! After doing so badly in the previous 2 seasons, I can finally say I'm good at Total Drama!
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Confessional: Cabby
Cabby: For once I am able to merge without needing to rejoin. Right now the best I can do is bond with the people from the other teams.
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Confessional: Homer Simpson
Homer: Wahooo! Take that Marge, I knew I could get this far on my own! Lifetime supply of donuts, I'm coming!
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Confessional: Lumpy Space Princess
LSP: Cool.
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Confessional: Johnny Cage
Johnny: Not too surprising, I mean, clearly I'm the coolest guy here, of course I'd make it far!
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Confessional: Player
Player: Well well well, the merge is finally here. Now that I'm not stuck on a team of idiots, I think I'm gonna do pretty well.
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Confessional: Rottytops
Rottytops: Ya know what? Not even gonna bother celebratin', since I was bound to make it this far anyways!
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Confessional: Captain
Captain: Normally I'd say something about Superstars, but I blocked most of it out of my memory due to trauma, so no spoilers for you guys at home.
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Confessional: Plankton
Plankton: Hehehe, my 6 person alliance may not be in the majority right now, but with all the idiots here, it wouldn't take long before we become unstoppable!
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"That means you won't have to deal with your stinky old teammates anymore!" Chris explained. "If I had any empathy I'd probably sympathize with you guys having to deal with Banban for so long!"
"Bro stopped 6 guys from game ending themselves." Swag said, his dick still getting bitten.
"Don't ask him why he has a likely teenage girl eating his wee wee." Guard Chris adds. "God can someone hand me a noose?!"
"Later." Chris tells him. "Anyway, here's how the opening merge challenge starts: You will be traversing a bunch of floating islands, all of which have a different challenge that you need to complete to progress! And here's a little twist: interns, get them!"
Swag and Guard Chris grab the TLC with their bare hands somehow and the eliminated contestants appear through a lone window to greet the mergers.
"Hey guys! Did you miss me?" Mr. Cheese smugly said.
"NO!" His entire team shouted and groaned.
"Oh hi Mr. Cheese!" Captain greeted. "Didn't know you were competing as well."
"Whatever, can you let us outta here Chris? Mr. Cheese has things to do and all that."
"Nope. You'll instead be the ones handling the challanges on the floating islands." Chris explained. "Speaking of floating islands, here they come!"
A helicopter proceeded to come in and drop 18 floating islands near Camp Wawanakwa.
"One last thing: this challenge will be done in pairs, with the last pair who completes it being automatically eliminated from the game!"
"Woah, that's crazy mon! We've never had an elimination like that before!" Dee Jay noted.
"We did, but you're too lazy to watch the previous seasons." Chris told him. "I mean yeah, they suck and are made for infants compared to this shit, this one still sucks but hey I can say whatever the hell I want now because this is a fanfiction and fanfiction dot net is total doo doo!" Chris brags. "Now onto making your pairs for the challenge! I'll give you a minute or two and we can begin!"
Immediately after Chris announced that people were already starting to form pairs.
Captain proceeded to grab Player. "Hey Best Friend! Wanna be teammates this time? I'm sure we'd make a dream team together!"
Before the latter managed to distract him. "Captain look, an impostor!"
"Where?! I gotta find that sneaky impostor and get them off the game!" Captain shouted as he went the other direction.
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Confessional: Player
Player: Phew, that was close.
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Meanwhile we see Johnny approach Nichelle from her back.
"Hey Ms. Veteran, wanna team up? We're both Hollywood stars and all, like a birds of a feather type thing."
"Nope. I'd rather stick to one of my previous teammates." She responded while pointing at Bea. "Besides, Hollywood sucks, and you remind me too much of my of the old me, the narcissist diva."
"Oh yeah? You wanna be like that? Well here's a better deal: whoever does better in the challenge gets to-actually no, no reward, I just feel like having a rival honestly."
"Bring it on then."
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Confessional: Nichelle Ladonna
Nichelle: And unlike my previous rivalry, It'll all just be some friendly competition and all.
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Confessional: Johnny Cage
Johnny: I feel like I don't have much presence on the island, which is pretty bad for a movie star like me. I need to keep all my fans on the edge of my seat, so a rivalry like this is sure to bring up discussion.
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Johnny then looked around at his alliance members to see who to pick.
"Hmmm, first off, no Banban, that guy's a total fricking wreck. No Rottytops either after the shit she pulled on me last challenge. Plankton probably thinks i'm stupid, and being around Amy would make me look like I'm as bad as Diddy even though that's stupid, so that leaves me with him."
He pointed to Boba Fett who was nearby. "You, let's be partners for this. We're pretty much the only reliable people on our alliance besides Amy, but who cares about her?"
"Fine. You don't seem too incompetent compared to Banban." Boba Fett replies.
Meanwhile, Banban saw the two and quickly grabbed Plankton. "Alright bro, let's be teammates! We weren't on the same team before, so we gotta make up for all that lost time."
"S-Sure." Plankton reluctantly said so that Banban would let him go.
"Yay!" Banban cheered. "Now we can be epic fortnite gamers together!"
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Confessional: Plankton
Plankton: Kill me!
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"So I guess it's between us now Rottytops." Amy observed. "The two girls in the alliance together."
"Hmmm...NAH! I'm not going to bother going with some dumb pre teen like you girl! I like 'em older than that y'know!"
"What?"
"I'm gon' find someone cooler now, BYE!"
So Rottytops left the vicinity and leaving Amy alone.
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Confessional: Amy Rose
Amy: Urgh, can anyone give me even a lick of respect?!
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Captain was going over everyone else to find a partner.
"Hey Pillow, wanna team up and be the White Power duo?"
"First, that's kinda racist, second, I find it unfair how you could just join in out of nowhere for literally zero reason." Pillow replied to him. "Third, I dunno, me and probably everyone else thinks you're cringe."
"Oh, sorry then for not being a based sigma giga chad Pillow. If my girlfriend were to show me her you know what I'd probably log off the server."
"You mean killing yourself?"
"Uh-no, what are you talking about?"
"Kill yourself, I dare you you worthless piece of fluffing garbage!"
Captain then cries off like a bitch.
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Confessional: Pillow
Pillow: Wow, he sure is a crybaby. Might just not kill him later 'cause I'd be so funny to leave him for last!
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"Hey Homer. Be a nice man and help a lady out." Pillow ordered him.
"You're not my wife! Only she can peg me!" Homer replied.
Pillow then went to the forest, grabbed a bee's hive, painted it blue, put it on her head, and came back.
"Hey sweetie, wanna be my partner in this challenge?" Pillow asked in an 80 year old woman's voice.
"Marge is that you? You looker whiter." Homer said.
"I got a bad case of wiggerism and I lost all my yellowness."
"Makes perfect sense, let's go!"
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Confessional: Homer Simpson
Homer: Maybe when we get first place we can sleep in the same bed!
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We then cut to all the contestants (beside Captain) having sorted out their pairs.
Bea and Nichelle
Amy and Ashley
Boba Fett and Johnny Cage
Rottytops and Mona
Homer and Pillow
Player and Connor
Plankton and Banban
Cabby and Gumshoe
& LSP and Dee Jay.
"Welp, looks like all the pairs have been settled." Chris noted.
"But I don't have a pair Mr. McLean!" Captain protested.
"Hey man, don't forget about me!" Kellam said.
Wait
Who the hell's Kellam?!
"Is this another one of those retards who stumbles onto the island somehow? We've already had a goddamn debuter an episode ago, so fuck off!" Chris whines.
"What are you talking about? I'm Kellam, me and my wife were both on the same team in the pre merge, from the very beginning!"
We then cut to a bunch of flashbacks from previous episodes showing Kellam doing challenges and shit but getting ignored. I would elaborate on this but nah I'm too bored to do that.
"See? Does that ring any bells?" Kellam asks.
"Nope." Chris admits. "Captain will be going solo, but he would also carry around that empty suit of armor that's just randomly there for no reason. Challenge start!"
The whole cast was running to the first floating island to begin the challenge at Chris' orders.
The contestants were all supposed to use a vine to get to the first island, and most of them did it with ease, Cabby had a lot of trouble.
She tried to climb it up but her thicc body wouldn't allow it.
"Well that's not good!" She remarked. "I don't think there's a way for me to get up there unfortunately, so we've got to think detective."
"But how pal?" Gumshoe asked her.
"Wait, let me look into my files!" Cabby realized.
Meanwhile Captain was having trouble lifting the armor he was supposed to carry. He very slowly was able to barely move it.
"Come on muscles, don't fail me now!" He said, desperately trying to move the armor.
"Hey, actually, Captain, since we're stuck in the same predicament why don't we help each other out someway?" Gumshoe suggested to him.
"Good idea fat man!"
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Confessional: Dick Gumshoe
Gumshoe: That hurt pal.
Caine: Do you need to go to the doctor? I sure think I can find one!
Caine then grabs a banana out of nowhere and uses it like a phone.
Caine: Hello, may I speak to my family doctor, Doctor Air?
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Captain managed to get the 3 of them fucking jetpacks somehow, I think it'll be explained in Superstars, just give or take a year or two, and they use it to get to the first island finally, where Chris and his two interns explain the first challenge to everyone.
"Normally we'd get Monika to make a challenge for you guys, but since she's busy bitting down hard on Swag's big thicc dick, I'll make one myself." Chris announces. "This challenge is about trolling Memeking The Third, for not only getting all the attention from readers, but also not picking any of MY characters in his shitty spinoff that I wasn't gonna read anyway!"
"Sounds pretty petty of you." Player told him.
"It is, unlike the author who was only mildly disappointed and has no hard feelings about that guy in any way." Banban said, almost as if someone had controlled his dialogue and wanted to make it incredibly clear that he doesn't have any actual animosity with this Memeking fella.
"Memeking? More like MID king!" Johnny Cage joked. "Epic trolling right there!"
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Confessional: Johnny Cage
Johnny: For the record: if Memeking is actually a popular figure, I'll say that I didn't know who he was and that I'm sorry for my hurtful joke.
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"That was hella cringe, but it is trolling, so I'll allow it." Chris stated. "Now you two go!"
"Surprised that worked out." Boba Fett wondered. "But that doesn't matter now, onward Johnny."
"Yeah man, let's do it!"
LSP and Dee Jay saw Boba Fett and Johnny go up to the next floating island and the former got scared.
"Oh my, Dee Jay, have you got like any idea on what we should do?" She asked him.
"Uh, not really mon." He replied.
"Wait guys I have an idea!" Banban shouted. "Let's all use the dimensional machine thing to troll his characters! It's gonna be so much fun!"
"Why are you helping them Banban?!" Plankton muttered under his breath.
"Relax brah, let's go!"
So then every other pair besides Pillow & Homer and Captain and the probably empty armor went to get those dimensional machines.
"Aw shucks." Pillow remarked. "Homie sweetie, we're gonna lose."
"I know babe, we're gonna need to work hard and something I forgot about!"
"Can I enter this conversation please?" Captain asked.
"No." Homer plainly responded.
"Shut up retard." Pillow also responded.
We then cut to the Infinite 3 players doing shit I'm too much of a lazy ass to describe.
Max (ask Gman 2 point 0 who he is since no one watched his show besides him and memeking) came up and said something.
"What's up niggers?" He asked racistly.
"You're not black Max." Mae who is not dead here said to him. "But I am, nigga."
"Haha you're so funny with your sarcasm-spasm, you stupid cat! No wonder you died in that other universe!"
"Don't we all eventually?"
Then all the other people from this fic came into their universe.
"WE'VE COME TO FUCK YOU GUYS UP!" Banban shouted.
"Wouldn't be the first time some schmucks from another universe do that y'know?" Deadpool remarked.
"Yeah, I don't want to deal with these losers, let's get 'em outta here guys!" Lobo shouted before he pulled out a huge ass gun.
"Wait wait wait! I need to do 2 things before we go!" Banban exclaimed.
"Ok." Everyone said.
Banban goes to Kronk and gives him a bomb and whispers to him. "This is a bomb shaped condom by the way, throw it when you see a couple being straight for each other."
"On it." Kronk whispered back.
"ENGAGE!" Banban yelled, prompting everyone else to beat up Oscar Proud to the ground.
"Oh my!" He simply went as he got a taste of Bea's sexy feet in his-
Banban stop writing when I'm looking at discord messages!
Sorry brah!
Anyway Kaiba smugly looked at his rival. "That looks quite fun, perhaps I can join in?"
And started kicking him too.
Pillow finally had an idea. She took her phone out and called the police.
"This is the police how may I help you?"
"I want to report a man known by the name of Memeking The Third for being a gooner."
"Oh really? The total drama infinite guy? Do you have any evidence?"
She then showed him a screenshot of Memeking on discord saying he watches Nuxtaku. "That enough proof for you or what?"
"OH MY GOD! WE'RE SENDING A SWAT TEAM TO HIS HOUSE IMMEDIATELY!"
We then cut to Memeking The Third writing Bernadetta smut on his alt (c'mon Meme you know you do that) when the police bursts into his room and aims their guns at him.
"GET ON THE GROUND YOU PERVERT! YOUR GOONING IS A DISGRACE TO ALL OF AMERICA!"
"WAIT GUYS I SEE A RANDOM BLACK GUY WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET! LET'S SHOOT HIM!"
The swat team then left Memeking alone to beat up an innocent black man for no reason instead, sparing him from death.
Captain was thinking of how to troll Memeking.
"Hmmm, I have an idea! I should post a mean review to his story!"
He then types out a guest review on Total Drama Infinte: Star Carnival that was really mean (check it out).
"Do I pass?"
"I don't care anymore, you just do." Chris declares. "Now everyone can get to the second challenge!"
Everybody then goes on to do the second part of the challenge on the second island, where Chris is at again.
"Since Mae fucking died back in episode 3 we're going to do a challenge a random guy i found digging out my trash suggested. Here he goes." Chris says.
Then a british manchild appears in a King Olly cosplay.
"Hello dear contestants, my name is Dogseatingdogs6 from the Super Origami Kingdom. I make amazing mashups and funny reviews of bad movies."
"Do we have to deal with special ed kids now?" Johnny wondered.
"Don't be rude." Bea replied to him.
"Anyways, I was gonna do an EXTREME MEGA KILLER RANT about how bad modern SML is, but since all my collab partners either got outed as groomers or ghosted me because i made a 2 and a half hour rant on some children who disagreed with my opinions, so you guys are going to be helping me make it as part of the challenge instead!"
Literally everyone collectively sighs at this.
"God, can't we do something normal for once?!" Johnny complained.
We then cut to a youtube video on Super Origami Kingdom's channel.
DED6: Hello everyone, my name is DED6, and, after a long hiatus, I'm back again with another rant on Super Origami Kingdom! Now there's been quite the drama within the channel since our last rant, but I assure you that this one will be as good as the previous ones. Now, before we start I'd like to let all the people I'm collabing with right introduce themselves.
Plankton: Uhhhhhhhhh...I'm Plankton, I'm evil, I have a restaurant called the Chum Bucket you can check out in Bikini Bottom if you'd like.
DED6: Wise words Plankton.
Banban: Hi I'm Banban from the hit indie horror Garten of Banban! I'm an epic gamer, and I also want to introduce my chocolate girlfriend Bea!
Bea: This is stu-I mean hi everyone! I'm Bea, Banban's love interest.
Banban: Wanna give me a foot job honey?
Bea then immediately leaves.
DED6: Well that was something. Anyone else wanna join in?
Connor: Hi, my name is Connor Roy, who was interested in politics at a very young age-
Banban: The elections have been over for months Connor.
Connor: Ok.
Pillow: Hi I'm Pillow. I was busy setting children orphanages on fire until I remembered I HATE modern sml, so I took a lil break from my hobbies to rant on it.
Banban: Fake and gay.
Pillow: You're right, unlike you idiots, I actually LIKE SML.
Banban: That's even worse.
DED6: Hey! You can't just do opinion bashing Banban!
Banban: Oh I can.
Banban then proceeds to punch the word opinion somehow.
Plankton: Not even gonna bother asking.
DED6: Continue with the introductions!
Player: But there's still over 10 people to introduce, can't we just go on and ignore that?
DED6: IN-TRO-DUCTIONS!
Player: Ok ok. I'm Player, I like playing video games.
Boba Fett: I'm Boba Fett.
LSP: Hi.
Homer: I like donuts!
Cabby: "Cock and ball torture (CBT)[a] is a sexual activity involving the application of pain or constriction to the male genitals. This may involve directly painful activities, such as-" w-wait wrong file! Uh: "My name is Cabby and I am here to rant on modern sml with my friends here."
Suddenly Chris comes in to yell at everyone.
"Okay cut, I SAID CUT! We're NOT doing this if that is how long the INTRO is going to take!"
"What's wrong? We're only at page 3 out of our 1303 page review." Dogseatingdogs6 stated.
"Exactly. Get the fuck out of here you Rosalina obsessed retarded autistic bitch!"
"Talk about being an edgelord." Pillow said hypocritically.
"Everyone passes the challenge by default, now advance or something!" Chris demands.
And so the whole cast went on to quickly climb the next island which had a challenge hosted by Wonder Woman.
It was about whipping your partner till they liked it and it went about as well as you'd expect.
Homer was getting whipped by his "wife" and he screamed a lot.
"Like it you kink shaming wuss!" Pillow casually demands.
"Sorry Marge, but I can't! What if our kids watch this?!"
"Dude, we have slurs shouted every couple episodes, so stop being a pussy and submit!"
"Okay, challenge is prematurely over again! God I hope this doesn't happen again." Chris announces.
The next island after that had a little circus theme, with a tent right in the middle of it.
Swag and Guard Chris went and grabbed the TLC to let Nightwing explain his challenge.
"I'm Nightwing, fourth boot. Your little challenge is to perform acrobatics in the circus tent over there. No mistakes and I'll let you pass."
When Player heard this, he took one look at Connor and already shrugged.
"Well, I think we're gonna have a hard time Connor." He noted.
"What, you think I'm weak or something just because of my age? I'll have you know I'm not!"
"N-No, nothing like that, hehe!"
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Confessional: Player
Player: Yeah, no offense, but he's gonna be a load for this part.
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The first pair to do the challenge were Cabby and Gumshoe, the former of which was confused on how she could do it, so she looked into her files for help.
"Hmmm...oh, I think I found a way to do this, but bear with me detective."
Cabby proceeded to take out the cabinet her face was attached to and gave it to Gumshoe. "Ok, let's do this."
"Sure pal."
They then proceeded to do the acrobatics thing together.
Up next were Player and Connor.
"Okay Connor, I'm just going to say right off the bat I think this is gonna be hard to do with you around."
"HEY! I've accomplished plenty of things in my life!" Connor responded. "This is gonna be easy!"
Then when he tried to, he immediately backed off.
"Hang on, I gotta think about it." Connor declared.
"Seriously?"
"Y-Yeah."
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Confessional: Connor Roy
Connor: I Am Not Useless!
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Whilst Player and Connor were stuck, the rest of the cast advanced to the next part of the challenge at Cocoa Cookie's island. It was a brown, cocoa filled paradise of course, with cocoa rivers, chocolate trees, I think you get what I mean.
Boba Fett and Johnny Cage were the first to arrive and see Cocoa Cookie herself.
"Hey everyone, glad to see you again!" She greeted. "I want all of you to get a cup of cocoa for me, that'd be really nice of you!"
"That's it? With all the cocoa here, it should be the easiest challenge yet!" Johnny remarked. "Let's get some bottle from the kitchen, then simply fill them up with the cocoa."
"Hey, I didn't want for anyone to struggle because of me." Cocoa Cookie admitted.
"Pussy." Johnny said. "Let's do this Bob."
"Don't call me that." Boba Fett told him.
So most of the contestants went back to the bottom to get bottles to fill them up with cocoa, meanwhile Homer was busy munching on a cocoa tree.
"Mmm, delicious!" He exclaimed whilst Pillow starred at him lifelessly.
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Confessional: Pillow
Pillow: Hmmm, now that I think about it, I know just the way to screw with everyone.
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She proceeded to take out a donut and waving it at his face. "Hey Homie, wanna donut?"
He started to act like a dog playing with its owner.
"Oh, if you want it that bad, here, take it!" She then threw it into the cocoa river, with Homer being sad that the donut was gone.
"Wait a sec! I know what to do!"
He then began sucking the entire river, until it looked like the Sahara desert.
"Sweet, both literally and figuratively." Pillow said.
She took Homer to Cocoa Cookie, then proceeded to kick him so he could release some of the cocoa on her face.
"Here you go potential murder victim." Pillow plainly told her.
"Uh...ok? I guess you can pass."
"WOO! We did it!" Homer exclaimed.
So as they advanced to the next island, the other pairs came back with their bottles and saw there was no more cocoa.
"WHERE DID THE FRICKIN' COCOA GO?!" Plankton shouted.
"In your mom." Banban joked before Plankton slapped him.
"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT!"
"Ok, but how are we supposed to advance like this mon?" Dee Jay wondered.
"I dunno, maybe like, make cocoa ourselves?" LSP suggested.
"Good idea cloud person." Banban told her.
So they all went back to the kitchen to make cocoa, and eventually came back with it.
Meanwhile Pillow and Homer went to the island of Nick, who came back after he decided to stay in Goiky after his elimination. It looked like an old british courtyard.
"Ah, not these 2 idiots again." He lamanted.
In response Pillow pulled out a knife. "You were saying?"
"GAH! I mean hi mate, nice seeing ya! Your challenge is to give me a back massage, alright? Do it."
Pillow pulled out her knife again, this time at Nick's back. "With pleasure~"
We then zoom out and hear Nick's screams.
Meanwhile, Connor is still not doing the challenge, with Player growing more and more frustrated.
"Come on Connor, we need to do the challenge right now, we're so behind!"
"I-I know, I just, need to focus, you know, I promise I'll do it!" He claims.
"Do it then, we need to win this!" Player demands.
"Fine, Let's do it!"
He then finally decided to try to pull off the acrobatics, even if he was flailling his arms around for most of it.
They barely managed to do it right, and Nightwing clapped in response.
"Congratulations, now, onward to the next challenge." He announced.
Connor looked like he could barely walk after that, and Player offered to carry him.
"Hey, get on me if you're having trouble man."
And then they went to Cocoa Cookie's island.
Bea and Nichelle reached Nick after Pillow and Homer were done, and the latter looked quite annoyed.
"Girl destroyed my bloody back! Now I'll have these scars forever. You two give me a massage to get over that damage to my body!"
The two women looked at each other and nodded.
Then we cut to Bea giving him a back massage karate style, with Nichelle looking a little arroused by it all.
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Confessional: Nichelle
Nichelle: Man, I sure want her to do my back like that!
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We then get a montage of the next 3 challenges:
Donald died, but the challenge in his place was to sail a boat to the finish line.
We see some of the contestants on boats rowing them down.
Then for Frisk's challenge all they had to do was not getting beat up by him(?)
We see Banban getting his shit kicked out by her(?).
And finally Toby Queef's challenge, or what would've been his had he showed up since well, he didn't, so the challenge was to say something racist instead.
You can imagine how that went.
Johnny and Boba Fett arrived at Brody's island, which looked like a regular tropical island.
"What's up bros? Wanna hear about my super rad challenge?!" Brody shouted.
"Wait a second, wasn't Brody braindead?" Boba Fett asked.
"What are you talking about man? I'm fine, y'know, nothing too bad! Anyway, what you dudes need to do is something me and my good pal Geoff do in our spare time: surf! There's a couple surf boards to my right that you can use to make epic surf tricks!"
Johnny ran to get a surf board for him and his partner. "You see that water over there? We take this wood thing, and ride on it till we get a good wave to get on. Sound good?"
"Alright then."
We then get to cut to some of the pairs doing some surfing.
For example, Dee Jay was having the time of his life riding a wave, with him holding LSP in his hands like a baby since she doesn't have legs.
"WOO! Yeah mon!"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
On the other hand you had Connor nearly slipping whilst surfing, with Player able to just keep him stable.
Then after everyone was done with the challenge they went over to the next island, which belonged to Cordelia.
The island was a simple plain field filled with pegasi flying around, with the only remarkable landmark is a bunch of circles that looked like they were made for the challenge.
"Hello everyone, I've decided my challenge should be about riding a pegasus into the sky through rings, and if you fly through all 5, you will advance." Cordelia announced.
"Man, these eliminated contestants ran out of ideas real fast." Johnny declared.
"True, good thing I eliminated that man stealing bitch." Banban said.
"I still haven't forgiven you for that Banban." Cordelia replied.
"Yeah yeah, let's do this." Banban went.
We do a montage of the contestants doing her challenge.
First you have Nichelle and Bea racing on their pegasus along with Johnny Cage and Boba Fett doing the same.
"Hey brown tomboys, get a taste of this!" Johnny exclaimed before he ordered his pegasus to slam into theirs, causing it to cry in pain.
Bea also nearly falls off the pegasus, but Nichelle grabs her hand right before she plummets down, saving her.
"Woah, t-thanks." She said, blushing a little as well.
"No problem girl. Now let's show that jerk who's boss!" Nichelle declared as she got the pegasus moving again before it sped up and caught up to them.
"Your little stunt sure didn't work." Boba Fett told Johnny.
And the girls quickly outpaced them and completed the challenge first.
The two did a high five whilst Johnny looked frustrated.
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Confessional: Johnny Cage
Johnny: Those two think they can beat me? Yeah right.
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The next 2 challenges were from Ash and Cream who are too fodder-ish for me to even bother to get into it lol.
We skip to Sonic's island, which looked like Green Hill Zone because he's that unoriginal.
We also see Swag still simping for him.
"OMG it's my waifu Sonic! I'm gonna spew hot cu-" Then he was cut off by Sonic kicking him out of the island straight through the ground.
"Nope, not dealing with him again." Sonic plainly said.
The first to pair to reach him were Amy and Ashley, and of course the former was pretty happy to see him and hugged him.
"Oh Sonic, it's sooooo good to see ya again~" She muttered lovingly to him. "And, I'm sure you've thought long and hard about me now did you? Are you ready to finally admit your love to me-"
But Sonic simply dropped her and scowled. "Y'know, spending so much time away from you felt great, amazing even."
"W-WHAT?!"
"Yup. Sorry Amy, but I am NOT ever going to get together with you in my life, and just because you have long thought up a fantasy where I proceed to make love to you every night, doesn't mean that would actually happen!
"B-But Sonic-"
"So yeah, no shot girl, no shot. We can still be friends through, just sayin' Amy. Amy?"
Of course Amy was shocked to hear this, and not in a kinky way, more like a "stand in place and look like you're gonna cry" way.
"Huh, talk about being overdramatic." Sonic plainly said. "Anywho, my challenge involves speed, as you'd expect. Basically, you need to run all around Green Hill Zone and collect 100 rings in under a minute, sound good?"
He then noticed Amy was now crying loudly.
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Confessional: Amy Rose
Amy: WH-WHY?! WHY DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND?! I CAN'T EVEN-WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-
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Then we get a montage of all the players running around the island to collect some gay fucking rings lol.
We see Connor be unable to actually run so unlike everyone else him and Player are extremely slow.
"C'mon Connor, we can't waste time like this, we gotta hurry!" Player said to him.
"I'm trying, I really am! I promise we'll win alright!" Connor replied.
Meanwhile we see Captain struggling to make a move as he had to carry the suit of armor with him as well, so he wasn't doing any progress.
"Why is this so heavy? It's got a light color, so it should be light!" He claimed. "Darn it McLean, it's like he's trying to get me out!"
Then after that Cabby approached him. "Hey Captain, since you helped us earlier, how about me and Gumshoe return the favor by collecting rings for you as well?"
"Doing absolutely nothing is pretty cool, so yeah."
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Confessional: Cabby
Cabby: It's best to establish connections with others in this stage in the game, and Captain is a good way to do that.
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There was supposed to be footage of the actual challenge, but the cameras were mostly focused on Bea's feet (thanks Swag) so we're gonna skip to the next challenge instead.
The teams reached Jeffy's island, which was made up of a bunch of pencils just because. He was beating his diaper before he noticed Johnny coming in.
"Oh hi Johnny, how you doin'?" He asked.
"Yo Jeffy, I'm doing great buddy, thanks for asking!" Johnny responded.
"Give me something and I'll let you pass bro." Jeffy explained.
He then proceeds to grab Jeffy's pencil and give him an autograph. "From The Cage himself."
"Cool." Jeffy replied.
Pillow tried to take a pencil out to give it to him before Jeffy threw a tantrum.
"YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT HOE! GIVE JEFFY A NEW PENCIL INSTEAD BITCH!"
"That just gave me an idea!" Pillow went. "Homer, let's go to the BFDI universe!"
They quickly run to that dimensional machine and get BFDI Pencil out of it.
"Uh Pillow, what the heck are you doing?" She asked before Pillow ripped her face and limbs off brutally.
She then threw her corpse at Jeffy. "Here ya go."
"Mmmm, looks kinda hot, sure, go in!"
So the two ran off.
Captain threw the armor in Jeffy's face. "You like it?"
Jeffy nods so Captain leaves.
Everyone keeps giving him random shit until it's Amy's turn and she's nervous.
"O-Oh, I-I don't have anything!"
"Well, fuck you then slut, find something!" Jeffy said.
Meanwhile everyone went over to Leafy's island, which looked identical to Dream Island.
"Hey my good for nothing alleged friends!" Leafy shouted. "Say something nice about me and you can pass!"
"You're not fat." Johnny said.
"Sounds good enough, you can pass!"
Then we get Plankton and Banban.
"Alright Banban, say something nice about her and we're guaranteed to win." Plankton remarked.
Banban showed off a tv and played a video to Leafy. "Here is my 38 hour video essay on why Leafy is the worst character in existence, part 1 of 17!"
Plankton looked like he was gonna slap him.
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Confessional: Plankton
Plankton:...THAT IDIOT!
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"Uh...You're nice I suppose." Connor said, which was enough for Leafy to give him an enthusiastic thumbs up and for him and Player to progress.
"You're like the person I can say the least bad stuff about, I guess." LSP told her which again was enough for them to progress.
Soon everyone except Banban and Plankton succeeded at the challenge.
"BANBAN! SAY! SOMETHING! NICE!" Plankton yelled at him.
"Can't hear ya bro, my video essay is playing!"
Finally you had Mr. Cheese's island, which was made entirely of cheese, obviously.
"Hey everyone, my name's Mr. Cheese!" Mr. Cheese greeted.
But everyone glared at him rather than be in awe like he expected. "Wow, still holdin' grudges I see?"
"You're rotten to the core I say!" Homer yells.
"What he said." Pillow says.
"You made my life a living hell for no reason." Player told him.
"You did bad stuff." Connor adds.
"Whatever. The challenge was gonna be making a visual representation of Mr. Cheese, but since you're all butthurt and the author is rushing this real bad, you get to pass." Mr. Cheese declared.
Everyone went over to Sander's island which had no challenge since she preferred to relax in it instead, so it was basically a finish line.
Pillow and Homer were a little behind, so the former had an idea.
"Homer! Let's have sex!"
"Sure Marge!"
Then Pillow undressed Homer and proceeded to do the dirty deed in front of everyone, who just stared as they saw the worst thing imaginable.
"Ughhhhhh...feels...so...GOOOOOOOD!" Pillow moaned.
"This is the best you've ever been in bed Marge! I can't believe it, I thought you were washed up, but you're not, WOO HOO!"
Despite this, Nichelle and Bea, not being straight, were able to ignore that and get first place.
"And thus the dynamic duo of Bea and Nichelle are safe from elimination!" Chris declared.
"Awesome! Take that Johnny, do better next time!" Nichelle bragged.
"Ease up on the ego, okay babe?" Bea asked her before realizing what she said. "I-I mean, uh..."
"Whatever. Let's see how the people who HAVEN'T gotten to the final stage are doing!" Chris said as the camera focused on Amy and Ashley and Banban and Plankton.
Amy was getting more and more desperate to win, until she decided to take off her dress and give it to Jeffy. "H-Here, just PLEASE let me pass!"
Jeffy sniffs it and looks aroused. "Hot, get in girl!"
So the two ran to Leafy's island as Banban's video essay was still not even half an hour in.
"WHATS THE CHALLENGE LEAFY?!" Amy yelled.
"SAY SOMETHING NICE!" Leafy yelled back.
"NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING HERE!"
"YOU PASS!"
Plankton finally snapped and smashed Banban's TV. "I'M SORRY KAREN! ANYWAY, LEAFY, YOU'RE COOL OKAY?!"
"YOU ALSO PASS PLANK MAN!"
"ALRIGHT BANBAN GET MOVING RIGHT NOW!" Plankton shouted.
"BUT I WANNA BITCH ABOUT LEAFY SOME MORE!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The two remaining pairs then run to the end.
Amy and Ashley manage to gain enough momentum to outpace Banban and Plankton, but right before they reach the finish line, Plankton throws Banban at them, knocking them up and managing to reach it before them.
"And Plankton and Banban are safe from elimination!" Chris said.
Meanwhile Amy looked very sad. "Well, I guess this is it for me. I tried my best to play the game, but that wasn't enough."
"Actually!" Chris remarked. "You're NOT getting eliminated, since one team managed to not do ANY challenge whatsoever!"
"Wait what?" Amy wondered. "I'm still in? Awesome!"
We then cut to the surface where we see Mona had hung herself by a tree branch with Rottytops just not doing anything.
"Hey, I tried to get her off, but darn was her body thicc y'know what I'm sayin'?" She defended herself.
Pillow also appeared and got a boner seeing the dead body. "Cool."
"This means that Mona and Rottytops are officially out of the competition! Get fucked fodders!"
"Hey, I ain't a fodder-" Before Rottytops could finish her sentence she got blasted into the sky. "CHAARRAACCTEREEERRRRRR!"
We then cut back to the top.
"Wow Plankton, isn't it so based how we didn't get eliminated?"
Plankton looked VERY pissed at him to say the least. "YOU IDIOT! YOU NEARLY CAUSED US TO LOSE!"
"But we didn't, and that's what matters!"
"I DON'T CARE, YOU'RE OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE ALLIANCE YOU RETARD!"
"W-What?" Banban asked shocked. "B-But that was a o-one time occurence, I'm sure that next time-"
"EXCUSES EXCUSES. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO TRUST YOU, WHEN ALL YOU GIVE ME, ARE EXCUSES. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LEARN, YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. CONSEQUENCES. THAT AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE. Like me. Don't you understand? I'm going to lose the whole game. You may not care about the prize money but I care about getting it. Cause if I lose the game, I'M NOTHING. Do you here me? I HAVE NOTHING! MY RESTAURANT IS BARELY ABLE TO STAY AFLOAT AND MR. KRABS WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER THAN ME! FUCK OFF BANBAN, GENUINELY, FUCK OFFFFFF!"
Banban could hardly muster the courage to speak. "P-Plankton?!" He then began to cry and run off. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Captain was trying to get Player's attention, but the latter pretended not to notice him.
"Player Player Captain, Captain Player, best friends best friends best friends!" He sung painfully.
Gumshoe then grabbed him over. "Hey pal, wanna join an alliance between me and Cabby?"
"Does it involve getting Player to realize I'm his best friend?"
"OH ABSOLUTELY!" Caine said.
"Cool guy I should definitely not be able to see." Captain replied.
"Not even gonna ask how." Gumshoe thought.
After that Chris came back up and went to Bea and Nichelle. "Since you two got first place, you ALSO decide which player out of the remaining 15 to boot instantly!"
Everyone gasped.
"Hey, that's not fair!" Johnny protested. "Why do they get such a massive advantage?"
"Blame that on Captain's super unfair debut in the game." Chris explained. "Now, who do you two want to send home?"
Johnny sweated hearing that, knowing he was for sure-
"Pillow." Both of them said at the same time.
"Really? Wow for a sec I thought I was cooked." Johnny said.
"Why would we ever not boot off the psychopath?" Nichelle responded.
"Fair point." Johnny went.
"Well that was disappointing." Pillow admitted. "I wanted to kill everyone here, but I guess that wasn't possible."
"Bu bu bu BUT MARGE, YOU CAN'T LEAVE!" Homer cried at her feet.
"I'm not your wife you retard."
"Does that mean Marge DOESN'T give good head? Screw her then, I wanna plow YOU for the rest of my life!"
"Okay, please eliminate me." Pillow begged. "See y'all in X-Way Presents: Misfits Fight, coming out never!"
She then got smacked right into the TLC of Shame.
"Well that was super rushed! The merge has come and big things are already happening, from new allies, new rivals and even old allies becoming new rivals! What is Banban going to do now that his own alliance ditched him? Will Player finally recognize Captain is his best friend-"
"He is NOT my friend!"
"-Ignore him. Find out next time on
Total!
Drama!
Multiversal!
MADNESS!"
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Confessional: Connor Roy
Connor tried to say something but stopped. He then hit himself in the head.
Connor: I fucked up!
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Confessional: Dee Jay
Dee Jay: Mon, kinda sucks I didn't get much screentime this episode.
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We hear from inside the TLC.
"Guys, how about we eat Brody, THEN ask Chris to revive him to get infinite food?" Pillow suggested.
"Sounds good to me! I always wanted to see how a David tastes like!" Leafy admitted.
"NO NO NO NO NO!" Brody yelled before we hear him getting his neck snapped.
"Bon apetit!" Pillow says.
We see Dogseatingdogs6 getting thrown out the island by Swag and Guard Chris.
"Bitch never come back and talk about Rosalina again!" Guard Chris demanded before he and Swag left.
"THIS IS DESPICABLE! YOU'RE JUST LIKE THOSE OMNI KING BRATS, IF NOT WORSE! YOU CAN'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!" He ranted like a maniac as he usually does before getting grabbed by a certain racist.
"They won't for long~" The racist went, revealing him to be Toby Queef. "We're gettin' the strongest motherfuckers in da world to kick the everlovin' shit outta that Chris McJew, doncha worry."
As you can see that was VERY rushed towards the end lol. For now I'm gonna try to release at least 1 chapter per month to get the story done. And I WILL get it done, don't worry.
Kellam was initially actually supposed to join the game and make it to the final 8, then final 13 whilst having no relevance whatsoever, but the joke probably would've gotten stale by then so yeah. He's not an official contestant, don't list him as such on a wiki or something.
Speaking of stale jokes, this was the perfect time for Pillow to go. Merge boot just fits her.
Mona was pure fodder through and through, especially after episode 10 since I struggled to actually DO things with her. Rottytops is gonna be in Blood vs Water so her elimination ain't so bad.
That's all I'm gonna say for now.
Ciao!