Triggering themes are heavy in this chapter. If you'd rather skip it and come back to chapter 15 you can PM me for a breif summary. Thanks, take care of yourselves.
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Merle stared out of the window of the truck he was riding in. He was riding with his lil bro and the Princess. It was illuminating.
"Can't believe ya wearing more fluffy socks. How many of the damn things ya got?" Daryl asked Lara.
"Only the two. I'm telling ya they're the comfiest things ever. The turning for safe house A is on the right if we need it," Lara replied.
"I know, ya been telling me fer the last two damn days," Daryl grumbled his eyes on the road.
Lara waved the walkie at him that she'd just used to tell the other truck the information. Daryl shrugged and smirked at her. "Yer we're tellin' me too an' yer know it."
"Maybe. Sorry if I want ya somewhere safe if it goes to hell," Lara rolled her eyes and folded her arms.
It was like Merle wasn't even in the truck with 'em.
Merle had had more than his fair share of girlfriends back in the day. Been engaged once. Bitch hadn't thought being a Dixon was good enough in the end, but he'd been close to havin' a ball an' chain. He'd been in love. Once. But he knew what it felt like. What it looked like. And those two had it.
He liked Carol, a hell've a lot. He reckoned he would end up falling fer her. She wasn't his usual type. She didn't go fer all that fake shit, she was close enough to his age, she didn't have a mouth on her until she was pushed to her limit. But. She had this strength that was so fuckin' attractive and she was all Suzie homemaker till she had to take care of shit then she was like a whole other person. She was fuckin' amazing. And she was a damn good mama. She was pretty an' her eyes were dazzlin' Yeah he could fall fer Carol real easy.
Not as easy as those two though. They'd been together a week and they were both head over heels already. He reckoned most o' that happened before they'd fallen into bed together though.
He was damn happy fer 'em both. They both deserved it. Had enough bad shit happen that they should have each other.
He thought it was time he had another man to man talk with Darylina though. There was no way in hell he knew it was love he was feelin'. So Merle would have to spell it out fer him. He'd get Mitch ta talk to the Princess.
"- yer so full o' shit," Daryl said in between a deep laugh. One Merle hadn't heard since they were kids. He smiled. First love was a hell o' a thing.
"I'm telling ya! She said it!" Lara was laughing too.
"Merle?"
"Hmm?" Merle broke out of his thoughts. He looked properly at their surroundings, five minutes or thereabouts till they were there.
"Twink, tell him what she said. He doesn't believe me!"
"'Cause yer full o' shit," Daryl snorted again, leaning his shoulder against her to nudge her lightly. Merle rolled his eyes. He wasn't riding back with the love birds. It was making him nostalgic and evaluating his own relationship. He could do without that bullshit.
"What she said when? Gonna have ta be more specific, kid damn near never stops yammering," Merle said.
Lara chuckled. "When she was talking about cussing."
Merle let out a laugh at that. The damn kid kept 'em on their toes. She was somethin' else.
"She came out and told the Princess there, she wasn't allowed to say shit no more. Then started saying how Lara only used fuck on a special occasion," Merle chortled. Him an' Carol had busted up at it when they were alone. Mostly at the look on the Princess' face. That shit had been priceless.
Daryl laughed and then looked at Lara. "Alright, I'll take it back. Yer not full o' shit. This time."
"Oi, kids. Up ahead," Merle broke their squabbling. In front of them were the gates to the farm they were gonna be hitting up. He could see the farmhouse set way back and a couple of barns. He also saw Lara's emergency get away cars parked up outside the gates. They hadn't been touched so it was a good guess that no other people had been through since she had.
Lara instantly became serious. The smile dropping from her face and her hands flashing to her weapons. She turned her head and checked Merle's knife hand. He didn't even bother to bristle anymore. Her checks had saved his ass a time or two. The Princess then checked Darylina's bolts. Daryl raised his eyebrows at Merle but didn't say anythin' as Merle shook his head. It wasn't worth it, she was gonna check no matter what either o' em said.
Merle took the walkie talkie off her and got out of the cab. He was opening up the gates, a car door closing behind them meant Jesus was watching his six along with the others inside of the vehicles. Lara had been training Jesus for four days almost constantly. Merle thought it was wasted time but she had insisted. She didn't want anyone getting hurt because someone didn't know their signals, or some shit.
Merle got the gates open and then closed after the two vehicles had passed 'em. Jesus and he walked towards them together.
Lara and Daryl had got out of the truck, their hands on their weapons already.
"Ya good?" Merle muttered to Jesus as Red and Kill Bill got out of the second car. This one an estate, enough room to hold some shit but the van was their main transport for the stuff they were hopefully getting.
"Yeah. I think I know more about this run, this farm and the safety plans than I ever knew about history or geography," Jesus said, his voice just over a whisper. He was smiling even as his eyes were on a swivel taking everything in.
Merle snorted and nodded. He was sure Princess had done the right thing including the guy. He was sharp as a fuckin' knife and fast as a fuckin' bullet. Going on this 'practice' run was a stroke o' fuckin' genius too.
They all met up in front of the truck.
"Barn two first. Barn one next, then the house. Jesus, you're with Candyman. Kill Bill with Red, Barton with me," Lara recited the instructions everyone could tell her in their damn sleep before marching towards the barn furthest from the vehicles. She'd been a dumbass at first though and had put Daryl with Red and her with Kill Bill. The bitches were good together, but they weren't the Princess and Daryl good together. Stupid. Still he'd set her straight and she couldn't argue after she'd had 'em in different pairings to find the optimal ones.
"Is it me or does she make you want to salute when she's like this?" Jesus whispered, not quite loud enough for the bitch to hear.
"It's not just you," Michonne said from right behind them.
The barns had been emptied easily and loaded up onto the truck before they headed for the farmhouse. Between barns they got a damn tractor, plough, tools and bags of wheat grain. They didn't have much room for anything else in the truck. Whatever they got now would need to be split between the estate and the cars Princess had waiting.
The farmhouse was a large sprawling building. Lara had them check the back first, which was clear, the back door bolted shut from the inside. She then had them all go around the front.
Merle took point this time. Wrapping on the glass fronted porch door. They waited but when no one answered he tried the door. It was locked.
Merle sighed. He hated it when people locked their shit up. Meant he had to either take the time to pick the damn lock or bust the door down. And he knew which one the damn Princess wanted.
Sure enough she was behind him with her lockpick kit. She gestured for him to move and he let out a sigh. He was glad the bitch was taking this one, he hated doing that. It was easier to just bust the fuckin' thing down. Still he got why they didn'. Having something stop Walkers or people follow 'em in gave a bit o' piece of mind.
Lara had the door open in less than a minute. Bitch had been practicing. She smiled and pulled it open.
A walker lunged for her the second the door was swinging outward. Her eyes went wide and her hands came up, blocking the teeth from taking a chunk out of her throat. She grunted with effort for a second before a bolt took out the walker. Merle hadn't even had time to raise his knife.
Michonne grabbed Lara and pulled her up, away from the stinking farmer's wife. "You okay?"
Lara nodded and looked over her shoulder at Daryl. "Thanks." Daryl nodded his teeth chewing on the inside of his cheek. Little brother had been scared. Merle couldn't deny his heart had given a lurch as well.
They split into their pairs to clear the house before they started looting it.
Merle and Jesus had cleared the upper floor when he heard Lara call out of their walkie talkies. "Candyman, Jesus, out on watch, Red, Kill Bill I need ya to bring the estate right to the front doors. We hit the motherload."
Merle shared a look with Jesus and they both headed down the stairs. Lara was standing at the bottom waiting.
"These guys were doomsday survivalists. There's enough canned goods down there to last us all a few months. There's more weapons, a shit load of weapons, looks like there might even be some explosives! MER's. Lanterns. And coffee. Loads of fucking coffee," Lara said with a huge grin.
Merle smiled. A real good fuckin' run that day. They had farming shit, they had more food and they had coffee.
He didn't know about the rest of them but this run was making him feel a damn sight better about the big one.
0101010101
Daryl snorted as he put his walkie talkie down and waited for T-Dog to come relieve him so Daryl could rescue Goldilocks from somethin' stupid again. Only this time it wasn't entirely her own fault.
She'd been on kitchen duty and the walk-in fridge door had shut behind her. The release and handle weren't working. Rain and Merle were tryin' ta get 'er out but Daryl was gonna go help. If only so he could see her pissed as hell face when she was let out. She was hot as fuck when she was pissed. He wondered how angry sex with her would be. He bet she'd scratch the hell outta him. He chuckled.
"Yo man, I'm here, go save the damsel in distress," T-Dog grinned as he came into the guard room. The other man looked as though he found this shit as funny as Daryl did.
"Yeah, I'll tell her ya called her a damsel too, a'right?" Daryl replied, getting to his feet and leaving the sniper rifle where it leant against the brick wall.
T-Dog shook his head. "Ya want me to get beat? No thank you. You might be able to handle the Princess, but not me."
Daryl always found it funny when people said shit like that 'handle' her. No one could handle Lara, she was a law unto herself. He wouldn't want her any other way. Most o' the time anyway.
He walked down the stairs, through the yard, waving at Rick an' Carl who were outside and then in through cell block D. He passed the people sat around on their time off, reading, playing cards, taking care of weapons and into the cooking area. Everyone was relaxed, no one worrying about the 'big run' in four days.
Axel and Merle both looked more anxious than Daryl thought they should. There were procedures before the world went to shit so that people couldn't die in fridges no more. Even if they hadn't been followed, Lara'd have enough air for days. Let alone the hour or two it might take for 'em to get her out.
"Come on Sugar! We're gonna get ya out just let us know ya haven't hurt yerself!" Merle was yelling through the door and yanking on the handle. Which was obviously not budging. Axel had a whole load of tools by his feet. At the moment it looked like he and Merle were trying ta get in with a chisel and mallet. That wasn't ever gonna work.
Daryl frowned at the two.
"What tha hell?" He asked.
"It's Princess, she was freaking out till a couple of minutes ago then went all silent. She might have hurt herself. We can't get in with these." Axel was the one who explained looking worried.
Daryl just rolled his eyes.
"Yo, gonna get ya out Goldilocks! Ya good?"
He didn't hear a reply but didn't expect to. Unless she was yelling he wasn't gonna hear shit.
He barged his brother out of the way, grabbed a screwdriver and popped the cover of the handle off. "Ya got a wrench? Take these nuts off, the handle's gonna come off, the release inside should pop off and it should just swing open. Hopefully."
Merle looked at Daryl with raised eyebrows. "What? I worked tha' summer in tha' diner in Tyrone. Shit hole never replaced crap. Had ta do it during lunch rush once. Was a reason I only last a few weeks."
"S'not that, why ain't ya freakin' out about the Princess?" Merle questioned as Rain got to work. The man was usually the go to man for anything handy. He should'a known that chisel would never fuckin' worked.
Daryl shrugged. "Can't hear shit in those things unless ya yellin' at the top of yer lungs. She's alright. Gonna take a damn sight more than being locked in a fridge for half an hour to take Goldilocks down."
Merle chuckled and watched as Axel dismantled the handle, grabbed a long screwdriver and wiggled it through the newly revealed hole. They heard the hard metallic thunk of the release hitting the floor the other side.
Daryl smirked at them both as the door swung open a crack.
He grabbed hold of the fridge door and opened it fully. Daryl frowned as Lara wasn't standing waiting as he had expected. Witty remarks on her tongue and attitude on her face.
Daryl squinted into the dim space, there was no light inside. There should have been, could be it wasn't working no more and they'd need to get another one, worse could be that the fridge isn't workin' and they'd need a new one of them. That would be a huge ball ache.
He spotted her work boot clad feet first, they were poking out from the side of the last row of metal shelves.
"Goldilocks?" Daryl asked, he was confused. Was she playin' a trick or somethin'? Was she gonna jump out at them?
The boots slid further into the corner. He couldn't see them now.
Daryl sighed and shook his head. If she was gonna play it like that then he'd play along even if it was dumb.
He glanced at Merle and rolled his eyes. Merle didn't return the gesture, instead he looked concerned. Daryl huffed. Only thing wrong with the woman was that she had horrible taste in jokes.
He stepped into the fridge, it was cold but not overly so. They needed to look into that ASAP.
His heavy footsteps echoed down the metal container as he got closer to his woman. Well he thought of her as his, that hadn't really been discussed since the first time they'd slept together.
Daryl got to the end of the fridge and looked down at Lara hiding between the shelves and the wall. She was curled in on herself and shaking violently. He was only half sure this was some kind of joke now.
"Lara? Hey, Lara?" Every word he spoke had her shrinking back. Now he was starting to get why Merle and Axel were worried. He had a sinking feeling in his gut.
"A'right Goldilocks. Let's get ya outta here yeah?" Daryl said quietly. He bent down to take her hand and tug her out.
Lara flinched away from his touch so violently she smashed her head into the metal wall, she didn't seem to notice or care though.
"No, no, no, no, please, no."
"Hey, hey, Lara. It's me. It's Daryl," he said in a low voice, the same he used to bring her out of nightmares. "I'm here. We just gotta walk out here, okay? I'm here."
It took a moment but she raised her head, keeping her hair in front of her face. She was shivering as though she'd been stuck in a deep freeze for hours. Not this too warm fridge for minutes.
"D… Daryl?"
"Yeah, it's me. C'mon sweetheart. I got ya." Daryl was more worried now. He'd never seen her like this.
Her breathing was getting fast and shallow. He had no idea what to do. Touchin' her seemed like a bad idea.
He couldn't see enough to see if she was hurt. But her breathing was getting worse and her shaking was getting harder.
"Outta tha' way Daryl," Merle growled pulling Daryl back by the shoulder. He hadn't even noticed his brother come in to the fridge. "She gets like this sometimes. Watch. Ya might need it."
Merle crouched down in front of Lara, all up in her space and not caring as she scooted back further. "Princess! Ya gotta breathe. Deep breaths. Copy me."
Merle took several deep breaths. Lara wasn't copying him, she looked like she was trying to bury herself into the wall instead.
"Sugar!" Merle hollered. "LARA!"
Daryl jumped. "What the fuck! Get tha fuck off 'er!" He yelled as Merle smacked her around the face. He went to pull Merle away and kick his ass, anger firing white hot through him.
"Shut tha' fuck up and watch!" Merle yelled, not looking as calm as he had moments ago. "Now, breathe Princess. Deep breaths. Copy me."
Daryl watched stunned as Lara listened and copied him. Her breathing evened out and the shakes subsided a bit.
"Ya with us?" Merle asked after a moment, his voice gentler.
Lara nodded and ran her hands through her hair. "Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry." Her voice was choked and strained.
Daryl chewed his lip. He had no idea what the fuck to do. Or what the fuck that was.
"C'mon, let's get ya outta here."
Lara nodded and tried to get herself up. Merle offered her his flesh hand but she hesitated taking it. Merle didn't look surprised or bothered by it. Daryl was. He'd never seen Goldilocks shy away from Merle before.
Lara took two large breaths then took his hand. Her legs looked like they weren't gonna hold her.
When she finally looked up properly her eyes went wide as they fixed on Daryl.
"Don't suppose you missed that little freak out did ya?" She asked in a whisper, her face pale as she looked to the floor. Daryl wanted to hug her so badly right then, just lend her some support, to show he was there and he didn't care at all. He didn't an' he didn't touch her either.
"He was there before me," Merle said with a shrug as he led Lara out of the fridge.
"Well, fuck," Lara sighed. "I… erm. I have panic attacks sometimes," she muttered quietly, ashamed.
"'Kay. How Merle did it. That's best way to help ya?" Daryl asked.
Lara looked up at him wide eyed, she was still shaking a little, still too pale but she looked better now they were outta the fridge. Daryl noticed Axel had made himself scarce. He wondered if the man knew about those… Panic attacks?
"Ya… Ya still… erm. I mean. Yeah. Merle usually slaps me, brings me out of it enough to listen, breathe deep and all that shit," her hands came up around her arms, her eyes were darting around and her head was turned to the ground. She was gonna run. He could see it like he'd see it from a skittish colt. "I… I need a minute. I'll come find ya later and talk. I promise. But I need ta not be around anyone right now."
The words had no sooner left her mouth than she was gone. He took a half step after her but stopped himself. He got needin' ta be alone. He'd wait. Let her come to him.
He didn't get it though. How had being in a fridge done that to her? Lara was the most badass person he'd ever met. She stared down guns, walker's, herds. She fought every single day, had plans upon plans, not one bit of it had her shaking, or even flinching. But a fridge had brought her down? It didn't make no sense.
"Only way I knew to snap 'er outta it. Tried giving her kiddies slaps before. She passed out once. Thought she'd fuckin' kicked the bucket. Gotta be a proper slap. Not like I wanna do it. Makes me feel like I'm 'im. But I need ta. And you'll need ta I'm guessin' at some point. So ya'll man up an' do it, cause its what she needs. Don't make ya like 'I'm even if it feels like it. Ya doin' it fer Princess. Fer real, not that bullshit he used ta say. Ya hear me boy?"
Daryl nodded as he chewed at his lip. "Sorry, I just saw ya slap 'er and-"
Merle waved his flesh hand through the air. His face was pinched but he shrugged as if it was no bother. "I get it. I saw ya smack Carol I'd string ya up by ya balls. Wasn't what it was though."
Daryl nodded.
"Now c'mon. We gotta make dinner fer these assholes seeing as she's fucked off."
02020202
It was way after dinner when Lara came to find him. He was in his room reading through a book on bike mechanics when she knocked. Despite the fact they'd stayed in his room together every night but one since they'd started whatever it was they were doin' she still knocked. He was gonna need ta tell 'er just ta come in. Rick had teased him more than once when he'd caught her outside his room yet again.
"Come in!" He yelled.
She stood in the doorway wearing her jeans and an oversized top he recognised from his own draws. She waved a bottle of Jack at him. "Ya wanna go up ta the roof?"
Daryl put down the book and sat up. "Sure."
When they sat down with a blanket under them, he made sure he sat first. He wanted Lara to be able to decide how close or far away she sat. Usually now she'd sit with her arm pressed against his, their hips side by side. This time there was an couple o' inches between them. Less than he'd thought there would be. That made him feel a bit better.
Lara took the cap off the Jack and took a long swallow of it before passing it to him. He drank and passed it back again, the alcohol had enough kick to warm him a bit.
"When were ya gonna tell me-" he noticed her freeze and tense "-that ya been stealin' my shit?"
Lara relaxed a little next to him and gave him a small smirk. "Isn't that one o' the benefits of havin' a man? The comfy clothes are shared?" Well at least that cleared up his earlier thoughts. If he was hers she was damn well his.
Daryl chuckled. "Uh huh. Then I get ta wear those damn fluffy socks of yers then?"
"You hate my socks!"
"They look comfy though," Daryl grinned at her.
She rolled her eyes but she was smiling again.
It didn't last long. She took another long drink of the Jack but didn't hand it over this time. Instead she kept it and stared down at the bottle rather than the stars she usually looked at when they were out there.
"My mama," Lara started before shuddering and taking another gulp of the drink. "She used ta shut me in a cupboard whenever she had John's."
Daryl let out a deep breath slowly. She hardly ever talked about her mama and when she did it was never good shit.
"There was this one… Didn't know till a lot later he was her pimp. But when he came she'd lock the cupboard. Couldn't get out. Sometimes he'd stay for a while. Worst was a couple of days. Sometimes he'd beat her. Sometimes they'd get high."
Lara drank again and then passed the bottle over. Daryl drank as well. His insides felt like ice.
"It couldn't go on forever though. I got to be thirteen." Her voice was monotonous now. As though she'd switched all her emotions off and she was just a husk of who she should be.
"Well he came around. I had been out and came into the shitty room we lived in, not even an apartment, it was a room." She gave a humorless laugh. "I let myself in. He…" She motioned for the bottle. Daryl passed it over.
"He was a nasty son of bitch. Gave me a mama two options. Either I worked for him. Or he was gonna cut my mama off from her supply. Heroin. She couldn't stay off it. Couldn't not have it."
Daryl froze. Every part of him felt numb and cut off from himself as he listened. He didn't want to hear anymore.
"I… being me… told him if anyone came near me with their dick I'd cut it off. That there was no way in hell I'd ever let anyone do to me what they did to my mama."
She drank again.
"Mama, she was mad. Real mad. Hit me, kicked me, spat at me. Pimp got her calmed down. He gave me a choice," she huffed out a bitter laugh. "I could either have my own John's, and not get the shit kicked out of me every day of my life. Or I could let him take out some of his issues he couldn't on his regular girls on me. No dick. He wouldn't touch me sexually. But he'd hurt me. Not too bad. I'd live. I'd be able to go about my daily life. They were my options or he'd kill mama in front of me and then he'd tie me up and line up the John's.
"What could I do? I was thirteen. I was the same age as Carl and Sop…
"He beat me. My back? That was all him. Think there's one on my foot from him too. The back was the worst of it. But he beat me, about near tortured me. He made me sit in that damn cupboard while he took pictures of his 'work'."
She hitched in a wobbly breath. Her voice dropped to a whisper.
"I had just turned fifteen. For two years the pimp had shown up every few months and just ripped me to pieces. I couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't. I couldn't stand the sight of a knife or a belt. Just looking at the cupboard made me physically sick. Had to go outside if mama opened the door. And I thought how much worse could it be? How much worse? So I told him, I was done with that. He told me he'd be my first John. Get me broken in properly. He started and I wanted him to stop. I begged him to stop. Screamed and fought. He didn't care. Think he got off on it. Next day I left. Didn't ever look back. Didn't ever once wonder about my mama. Never went back."
Daryl stiffly turned his head to look at her. She was hugging the bottle of Jack to her chest like a teddy bear. Tears streamed down her face. Her shoulders were hunched and shaking a little. She looked defeated. Completely fuckin' defeated.
Daryl felt as though his heart had been shredded in his chest. His chest physically fuckin' hurt. He felt sick and full of rage and hurt. And none of that mattered. How he felt didn't matter a whit.
He scooted closer to her watching carefully for her reaction. She didn't flinch any but she did stiffen a little.
Daryl raised his arm slightly, giving her the option of leaning in if she wanted but not so much she felt like she had to. He wasn't gonna touch her without her permission. Not then. Not fer a while.
Lara nodded stiffly and woodenly moved herself closer to him.
He gently wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his side. It took a few moments before she leant properly into him and seconds before she was sobbing against him.
He hoped she didn't look up and see the tears he was shedding for her.
030303030
Lara woke up from a nightmare. She wasn't surprised, after telling Daryl everything earlier she'd expected it. What did surprise her though was she woke up suddenly, with no screaming, no crying. She just. Woke up.
Two heavy arms were wrapped around her, their owner still breathing deeply and evenly. She turned so she could see his face.
Lara's heart pounded, her eyes filled with tears but there was a leaping feeling in her gut. She couldn't believe that Daryl had just taken it all in stride, that he still wanted her. Wanted her by his side, in his bed. He'd held her while she cried then led her back to his room. He'd held her in bed, talked to her about the run, about the kids, anything and everything. They'd shared a smoke and then he'd laid her down, kissed her so fucking softly before saying night and blowing out the candles.
She smiled through her tears, he looked so damn peaceful in his sleep, no lines marred his forehead. His hair now longer than when he'd arrived flopping almost into his eyes. She had no idea what to do with the full feeling she felt pressing against her breast bone. A feeling so fucking strong and just so big. It was foreign.
Lara couldn't believe how lucky she was. All her life she'd fought, fought for survival, for sanity, for everything she had. And she'd had fuck all before the world ended. It had taken the dead to start walking and eating people for her to find a family. To find happiness. Real happiness. To have friends. To find him. Daryl.
With a gentle touch she reached out and stroked his cheek which was rough with stubble. She liked the feeling. She ran her fingers along his cheekbone, feeling the soft skin just above the rough hair.
He twitched a little, his arms flexing around her but not waking.
Slowly she ran her fingers from his cheekbone up to his forehead, tracing the small scar he had on his head from Andrea. Another reason to hate the bitch. From there she pushed her fingers into his hair. It was coarse but soft, the individual strands were all different colors. Some were a deep brown almost black, some light enough they looked almost blonde.
She ran her fingers back down his face, to his jaw. "Sleep," the grunted demand made her jump a little. She hadn't realized he had woken.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake ya," she whispered, lowering her hand and resting her head back on his chest.
"Mmm," he muttered, his head leaning onto hers. He placed a soft kiss on her hair and his breathing almost instantly evened out again back into sleep.
She smiled into his chest as she closed her eyes no longer fearing she'd find nightmares in her sleep.