IV - Exile (Chloe's POV)
I keep running even though I hear Red calling after me. I don't know where I'm going, all I know is that I need to get away. Somehow I throw her off my trail and I don't hear her calling my name. I feel my phone start to vibrate and I look down at it. She's calling me. She calls me once, twice, three times, and I watch it ring until it goes to voicemail each time. I know running away will hurt her, but the truth will hurt her even more. She couldn't know that I liked our kiss, and that I don't regret it. I shouldn't have done it, but I did anyway. Is it possible to not regret something you know you shouldn't have done in the first place?
Eventually I reached the tourney field where Chad spent so much of his time here at Auradon Prep. I don't know why my legs carried me here of all places, maybe it was because I knew Red wouldn't think to look for me here. I needed to get away from school for a few days. There's no way I could go back to our dorm and face her after what I did. I can't tell my parents about this either, they would be devastated to know that their daughter liked girls. Their daughter that they had such high hopes for couldn't be anything less than perfect.
The only other person I could call was Chad. I didn't know if he would be able to come get me, or even pick up my call, but it was worth a shot. I dial his number and press the call button, my heart still racing, and hope he picks up.
"Chloe?" I heard after the third ring, "What's going on are you okay? You never call."
"Chad," I sigh in relief. "I need you to come get me, it's an emergency."
"What's wrong? What happened? I'm on my way. Where are you?" He fires questions at me faster than I can answer them.
"I'm at the tourney field. Physically, I'm fine. I just need someone right now," my voice breaks on the last sentence and I start to cry.
"Okay, okay calm down, I'm coming. I love you," Chad says before he hangs up the call. I turn off my phone and sit on the bleachers, the tears beginning to flow freely from my eyes. I buried my face into my hands, hoping that no one would find me until Chad got here. Gosh, I've done so much crying in the past few days and it was always over the same thing, Red, and not being able to have her, and yet I didn't even help the situation.
Red left me voicemails after she called me. As much as I want to hear her voice, I don't know if I can listen to them yet. I don't think I can handle hearing her angry, or upset at me. I've gone and ruined the one good thing I had going for myself. The one person I knew I could trust with everything, and I messed it up. I put my phone on Do Not Disturb and changed the setting so that only Chad could call. My makeup is horrible now, mascara and eyeliner streaks its way down my cheeks, my lipgloss is smudged from not just the kiss but from wiping away tears and snot from sobbing so hard. My eyes are bloodshot.
I hear feet running behind me and I whip my head to see who it is. Chad is running toward me. I didn't think he'd be here this fast but I guess having your little sister call you crying saying it was an emergency would set anyone off. I run down to meet him, colliding with his chest and he wraps his arms around me.
"Are you okay?" is all he can ask. I pull back away from him, sniffling before I can answer.
"Yeah, it's a long story though," I responded.
"Okay, well, you can tell me on the way home," he says.
"No, no, we can't go home. Mom and Dad can't know about this," I said, panicked.
"Chloe, you never hide things from Mom and Dad, this has to be a big deal," he says as we start walking toward his car. "Okay, we can go to my place."
We walk in silence the rest of the way until we reach his car. As I'm buckling in he asks, "So… how was Castlecoming?" I roll my eyes in response.
"Obviously not good if I called you and was crying," I tell him. He starts the car and we head to his place, wherever that is.
He sighs, "Okay, Clover, what happened tonight?" He calls me by the nickname he used when we were little and I feel like I'm at home again, comfortable.
I swallow back emotion before answering, "I kissed Red." I keep my eyes on his face, searching for any emotion, but none appear.
"Chloe, are you gay?" is all he asks, but his voice isn't judgemental, instead it's soft and kind.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Maybe this is what I need to admit to myself, and once I admit it to myself I can finally tell other people. "Y-yeah, I like girls."
"Okay, sweet. We have something in common finally," he says.
"What? You're not mad? Or upset? Or disappointed?" I say, shocked.
He laughs a little, "Clover, listen, I know it's hard coming out, especially when you didn't plan to, but I always knew you were gay. You never hid it well, mainly when you were around Red. But you know what? It's okay if you don't like guys, I'm not gonna love you any less and neither are Mom and Dad. If you're happy with Red, you need to be with her."
My head is a swirl of questions, "But Mom and Dad have always dreamed of me meeting my own Prince Charming, aren't they going to be upset? And…I don't know if Red feels the same way about me…"
He sighs as we pull into a driveway, "We're here. Let's finish this conversation inside." I get out of the car and walk up the drive to a nice yet modest house.
"Where are we?" I ask.
"I bought a house out here in Camelot Heights. It's not too far away from home but has enough distance." He answers.
We get inside and he starts boiling milk for hot chocolate. "There's some clothes for you in the spare bedroom. Mom and Dad thought I should have some of what you left home in case something like this happened."
"Oh, okay." I said. I walked down to the spare bedroom, even though I didn't know where it was. There were only two bedrooms in the house, though, so it was relatively easy to find. In the closet were some of my old clothes and I picked out a pair of baby blue and white pajamas since it was getting late. I left my dress laying on the bed - I could deal with it later. The smell of hot chocolate wafted in as soon I was done changing and I headed back into the kitchen. Chad had set out two mugs, one for each of us. We sit down across from each other at the island, sipping from our mugs while the liquid inside them cools down.
"So, you have a crush on your best friend and you don't think she feels the same way," Chad starts. "My first question for you is, how did she react to you kissing her?"
My face blushes, "Well, uh, it wasn't just one kiss. I kissed her and then we pulled away, but we kissed again after that."
"No, Chloe, how did she act while you were kissing her? Did she lean into you, was she moving with you or against you?"
"With me. When I kissed her she just… let me. And when I went back for the second kiss it was like she wanted it even more than she wanted the first one."
"Aha, so there's your answer. She likes you back, Chloe."
"But how do you know? How do you know she wasn't just kissing me for fun?"
"Because of how you said she reacted to the second kiss. If she didn't want to keep kissing you, which would mean she didn't like you, she would've pulled away and not let you kiss her again. How did she react after the kiss, when you ran away from her?"
I realize now how much of a horrible person I am, running away from someone I just kissed. "She went after me, she called me a couple times. She even left me a few voicemails."
"Chloe, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, you're gay, you have a crush on your best friend, and she likes you back. You can't keep running from this. You'll have to face her eventually."
"I know," I sighed a heavy breath. "I know I will, but until I do, could you please keep quiet about this? At least until I feel comfortable with telling people?"
"Yes, Chloe. I'm not gonna out you to anyone unless you're ready. What kind of big brother do you think I am?"
"An awesome one. Thanks for coming and getting me tonight."
"Eh, it wasn't a big deal. You're my little sister, I have to watch out for you."
"Can I stay here for a little bit? Just until I feel ready to go back and talk to her?"
"Yeah, whatever you need is fine with me as long as you don't get behind on your classes."
That night I went to bed for the first time in months away from Red. It was weird and I couldn't sleep from being away from her. I mulled over what Chad and I talked about. Could he be right, that Red does like me back? It seemed too good to be true, and when something sounded too good, it was probably true. I wanted Red to like me back, but I couldn't make her uncomfortable for the sake of my happiness.
After a night of broken sleep, I woke up the next morning and laid in bed for much longer than I should've. Chad was in the kitchen cooking breakfast based on the smell, but still, I had no motivation to get up.
"Clover!" Chad yells from the kitchen, "Get up, breakfast is ready!" I groan as I get up and go to the bathroom. I'm horrified at what I see in the mirror, my hair is a mess since I never bothered to take it down before I went to bed and my makeup is still smeared from sleep and crying. I quickly wash it off and the cool water helps wake me up even more.
During breakfast I don't eat much and pick at my food. Chad notices, too, and makes a comment, "We have got to get you a girlfriend. And fast. Without one you're sad."
"Chad, that was mean."
"It was not. You need to be back with her, you look like a wilted plant." I roll my eyes and get up from the island, tossing the food I didn't eat into the trash and put my plate into the sink.
"Speaking of girlfriends," I said, "How's Audrey?"
"She's good. She's doing some girls' retreat with her mom, grandma, and her fairy godmothers this weekend."
"Oh, that's why it's so quiet around here," I mused, laughing at him. He rolls his eyes in response.
"She's not that bad anymore. Ever since the… incident, she's been fine."
"Mhm, Mom and Dad are still skeptical."
"Whatever."
The day goes by slowly and it takes everything in me not to look at my phone. It's still on DND and I haven't gotten any phone calls or texts. I want to listen to Red's voicemails. I need to know how badly I hurt her last night. I dial the voicemail number and let them play.
Hey, Chloe. I, uh, I don't know what to say but we need to talk. Please. I felt something during that kiss, something I've never felt before. Please don't hate me, and I'm sorry if my reaction wasn't what you hoped. Please just, please forgive me. I— I miss you.
I'd messed up. I'd messed up big time. She thought I was upset with her. Chad was right, she did like me back. And I just blew my chances with her.
Hey, Chloe. It's me again. Please just let me know you're okay, that you're alive and safe. I get it if you hate me. I would hate me, too. Please just come back. I need you.
My heart broke. In the second voicemail I could tell she was trying so hard not to cry. How could I do this to her? How could I leave her after showing her what it felt like to have someone care about you? How could I be so cruel like her mother had been to her.
Chloe, I'm sorry. Please come back. Please. I need you.
That was all that was the third voicemail. I didn't deserve her. Never in a million lifetimes would I deserve her. I'd pushed her away, and yet she kept coming back. I cry again, this time from guilt about how I'd reacted to her. She didn't deserve to feel this bad about something I did. I had to hold back from calling her because this conversation wasn't right to have over the phone. This needed to be a face-to-face conversation. Tomorrow would be Monday but we didn't have school. We never usually had school the following Mondays after big events. I would go home to her tomorrow, and we would talk this out then. I would tell her how I really feel, and if she wanted me again after what I did, I would let her have whatever she wanted from me.