XIX - imgonnagetyouback (Chloe's POV)

I hated leaving Red behind. There was a tearing sensation in my chest as she clutched onto me before I left for Sword and Shields training at Auradon University. It wasn't that she wasn't excited for me—she knew how much I wanted this opportunity. We hadn't been away from each other for this long before and she was scared, and as much as I hated to say it, I was too. We were saying our goodbyes in front of her castle since I'd spent the rest of June in Wonderland with her. Out of my periphery I noticed my driver was starting to get irritated with how long we were taking, but I didn't care.

"You're sure you'll be okay with your mom while I'm gone?" I asked as she clung to my chest. She doesn't move, instead I just feel her nod her head in response. "I don't have to go if you don't want me to, all you have to do is say it."

"No, I want you to go. You've wanted this for so long…I don't want to stand in the way of your dream," she said, her voice muffled from my chest.

"Hey," I said, getting her attention. "Look at me." I lifted her chin to make her look me in the eye. "My dreams mean nothing if you're not in them."

"I can't do this with you, Chlo. This is something you have to do on your own, but that doesn't mean I don't support you. I want to see you have this," she said.

I pulled her into me again, squeezing her tight. I didn't deserve to have her. "If the nightmares come back I'm just a phone call away, okay?"

"I know," she said. "I haven't had one in a while, so I think I'll be okay. And I have Jabberwock now, oh and I stole some of your clothes by the way."

I giggled at that, because of course she did. I expected nothing less from her, and if we were going to be apart for nearly a month she would need at least a small part of me with her. I hoped the cat would help her sleep through the night. Jabberwock slept faithfully every night at Red's feet. I intertwined my fingers with hers, "Hey, we have forever together, this is just a small hill to get over."

"I'll be okay. I promise," she said.

"Your Highness," my driver said gruffly. "If we don't leave soon you'll be late."

"Thank you, Jasper, but I'll take however long I want with my girlfriend," I said, rolling my eyes. I knew I should probably hurry up, but I didn't want Red to think I cared about a sport more than I cared about her. Red throws her arms around me one last and I squeeze her as tight as I possibly can.

"Just don't get hurt, okay?" Red said nervously. "But if you have to just make sure it's not a vital organ. Or your face."

I let out a laugh, "I wouldn't dream of it. Besides, I can't mess up my pretty face since that's what you like so much."

"Stop it!" Red whines. "You know that's not what I meant."

"I know, love, I'm just teasing. I'll see you in three weeks, okay? I love you," I planted a loving kiss on her lips, one I hoped she would feel until I came back to her. With one last squeeze of her hand, I let go, getting in the car while Jasper got in the driver's seat. The windows didn't open in this car, none of the cars that belonged to royalty in Auradon had functioning windows. It was supposed to be a protective measure is what my parents said when I'd asked them about it. I watched out the window as we rolled away and Red stood in front of her palace, watching me leave. My heart ached as I sat there hoping I hadn't just made a big mistake by doing this.

It wasn't that I wasn't excited, but I could only label the feeling as something similar to guilt. I knew she wouldn't be getting hurt by her mother while I was gone—Bridget was far from the cold, cruel dictator she used to be. No, I had to worry about her own mind being what would hurt her. In the beginning she had nightmares every night, and as we grew together they eventually fizzled out and only happened maybe once a month. But that didn't stop me from feeling anger and hurt for her when I had to hold her while she cried. That was the only way she could calm down, crying in my arms until her body had enough of that too and she exhausted herself into sleep.

"Jasper, next time do not comment on how long I'm with my girlfriend. Everyone else can wait," I said. I knew it was mean, but nobody could limit my time with her and get away with it.

"Yes, princess. My apologies," he answered, and that was the end of that conversation.

The rest of the ride to Auradon University was long and quiet. I kept checking my phone, making sure Red hadn't texted me yet. As much as I wanted to talk to her, I figured hearing nothing was better than hearing her upset. Eventually we arrived at the massive campus—multiple stone buildings spread across acres of land outside Auradon City. Jasper escorted me to the building marked Mulan Hall. When the doors opened the entire first level was a training gym. On one wall there were all kinds of swords hanging up. There were other tools, too. A large closet with protective gear, and of course everything else you would find in a gym. Weight training, treadmills, everything you could think of was here. Mulan was here, too. She was talking with some of the other students she recruited for the program. I had to imagine she went all over Auradon looking for the best of the best. When she sees me she promptly ends her conversation, walking over toward me.

"Princess Chloe," she said, smiling. "I'm excited to train you. I've seen some of your matches but I think you're holding back. I want to push you to be your best."

"Thank you," I started. "I'm honored to be here, and I can't wait to learn from you. I want to see what you can teach me."

A few more students pile into the gym. It's a mix of boys and girls, definitely not like the team back home. I was the only girl on the team, and I was captain of a bunch of boys. Sometimes they didn't want to listen to me or made rude jokes, implying I did things other than sword fighting to get to the top, but a few of my teammates always stuck up for me when that happened.

"Alright, everyone, circle up!" Mulan yelled and we all gathered around her, sitting cross-legged on the mats as she walked around us, giving us what I assume is an introductory speech.

"If you're here, it's because you were hand-picked, it's because you were the best of your crop, and I want to make you even better. I want to focus on your strengths, and eliminate your weaknesses. So, that being said, while you're here, you'll be held to very strict standards. Tardiness will not be accepted. Excuses will not be accepted. You will be on time, take accountability, and will push yourselves to the very brink of exhaustion. There may be times you want to quit, but instead of quitting I want you to take that energy and change it into motivation to perfect the move that you can't seem to master, to be faster, to be smarter on the field.

"I understand that may sound harsh, but coaches that are strict built the best teams. With all that being said, I want you to spend the rest of the day unpacking in your dorms and getting to know your new teammates. Tomorrow we will start bright and early on conditioning and training techniques. At the end of this week I will pick a captain for the rest of the camp and they will be working closely with me to develop better ways to train you all as individuals, and how to work as a team."

As I looked around the room, I realized I didn't recognize anybody here. They were all new faces to me. There were only two other girls here, and the rest were all boys. I did a quick headcount—eight in total.

"Hyllus and Lachlan, you two will room together in 321. Oliver and Morgan you two will take 322. Chloe, Marina, and Aria you'll be in 211," Mulan said. Of course all three girls would be roommates. I had only ever shared my room with Red, so sleeping in the same room as two other girls felt like a quiet betrayal to her, even if I wasn't doing anything with them.

We were all dismissed to go up to our rooms, and all three of us girls piled into the elevator, the redheaded one pressing the button for the second floor. The silence is tense and awkward.

"So…uh, why don't we start with introductions?" the redhead asked as we all unpacked in the temporary dorm room. "I'm Aria, daughter of Ariel and Eric." I already didn't like her perkiness, even though it did remind me of myself when I first met Red…and she threatened to feed me to the Jabberwocky.

"Marina, my mom's Moana," a dark-haired girl with tanned skin said.

"Chloe. Cinderella," was all I said.

"Oh! So you're Chloe, everyone's been talking about you, you know," Aria said.

I let out a tense laugh, "Oh yeah? What have they been saying?"

"Is it true you're dating that girl from Wonderland? I heard they're all crazy down there," Aria said.

I rolled my eyes, irritated already with how this conversation was going. "Yes, I'm dating Red. And no, she's not crazy, so keep your mouth shut about her. Who all says that?"

"Everyone," Aria answered. "Well, maybe not everyone but a lot of people. Everyone was surprised when they found out you were dating a girl, especially someone from crazy town."

"I said to keep your mouth shut," I said, turning around to face her. "Disrespect my girlfriend again and we're gonna have a problem."

"Okay, sorry," Aria said, turning away from me and finishing what she was doing.

"That's not the only thing people have said about you. I've heard about your skill on the field. It's impressive, especially being captain as a junior," Marina said, and I instantly liked her more than Aria.

"Thanks," I said, smiling at her.

"And by the way, I think it's cool you're dating a girl. You're breaking the mold that Auradon has gotten too comfortable with," Marina said.

"Why is everyone so hung up on that?" I asked, exasperated. "It's my life. Why do people think they get to comment on what I do? I'm not dating her to be cool or quirky—I'm dating her because I love her."

"Because you're a princess. Everyone assumed you'd marry a straight white male and have like twenty kids before thirty," Marina joked, but I knew she was right. My status definitely made it seem like I would follow that path, but I learned that wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted was Red, and I was lucky that my family supported that.

The rest of the day went by in awkward silences and small talk. The fifth floor had a small library and I decided I would hide here until lights out after dinner. It was quiet up there and I had a view overlooking the campus. I had to remind myself that this was what I wanted. One day in the near future I would be studying here, part of a college-level fencing team. But there was one thing missing, and I felt it more than I felt happiness for the future. I plugged an earbud into my ear and found the contact number I wanted.

"Hi, sweetie!" My mom exclaimed when she saw my face on her phone screen. "How's camp so far?"
"It's good, we haven't really started training yet but I just thought I would call you," I said, trying to ignore the ache in my chest.

"You look sad. What's wrong honey?" she asked gently. "I thought you loved Swords and Shields."

"I do!" I exclaimed. "It's just that I'm missing Red a little bit more than I thought I would. How am I gonna go to college for four years if I can't handle a couple hours without her?"

"Oh, sweetie," she started. "I understand how you feel. I know it seems bad right now, but soon enough it won't feel this bad."

"But isn't it a good thing? That I miss her, I mean? I don't want to not miss her," I said.

"Well, yes, it's good that you miss her. But right now you're feeling it worse because it's the first day. It'll hurt less as time goes on," Mom said. Her words didn't soothe me, in fact they made me feel worse.

"Okay, thanks Mom, talk to you later, bye!" I said, quickly ending the phone call. I found the other contact I wanted, and called Red. The phone barely got through the first ring when she picked up the call. A smile crosses my face when I see her beautiful face on my phone screen.

"Hi, my love," I said.

"Hey, Chlo," she said. "How was the first day?"

"Um…it was good. We start officially training tomorrow. It was a little intense, to be honest," I said.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked.

"It's a really rigorous training schedule," I started. "Up at eight A.M., conditioning starts at nine and continues until noon when we break for lunch. Twelve-thirty to five is for strategy and swordsmanship. Dinner at five, quiet time until eight, lights out at nine."

"Wow," Red said, surprise on her face. "Is there any time to breathe?"

"Yeah, from six to eight," I said, making her laugh. "Anyway, how was your day? I wanna hear all about it."

"It was…interesting. Mom's trying to teach me to bake with her old recipes and I don't think it's turning out too well," she said.

"You're still doing okay, right?" I asked, chewing my bottom lip.

"Yeah, I think I'll be okay tonight," she said, her voice getting quiet. "I miss you."

"I know," I said gently. "I miss you more. I think it might kill me."

Red laughs at that, even though it feels true right now. Being away from her felt like being away from home. I glance at the clock, seven-thirty. I didn't have much time left with Red before I had to be back in the dorm, and I didn't want my roommates hearing our conversation.

"I don't have much longer to talk, love," I said and I watched her expression melt into sadness. "We have maybe twenty minutes, tops."

"Who else is there with you?" she asked.

"There's eight of us here. I'm sharing a room with two other girls and one of them is already getting on my nerves," I answered.

"Chloe Charming can get irritated?" Red asked, a fake expression of shock on her face. "I had no idea!"

"Oh shut up," I teased. "Seriously, she's already asking me too many questions about my personal life and it's gotta stop."

"What kind of questions?"

"She asked about you, and Wonderland," I said, and her face fell.

"What did they say?"

"I don't want to upset you," I told her. Aria's questions weren't exactly mean, they were just nosy.

"You won't," Red said, shaking her head. "Chloe, I want to know what this girl said."

"She asked me if I was really dating you…and if you were crazy," I said. "And another girl said that she thought it was cool that I was dating a girl," I rolled my eyes. "It's like they think I'm dating you just to be fun and quirky."

"What did you tell them?" her eyes were glassy now, and I hated that I was the one who made them that way.

"I told them to keep their mouths shut about you," I said definitively. "No one gets to talk about you like that and get away with it."

"You don't think I'm crazy, do you?" she asked.

"No!" I exclaimed, maybe a little louder than I should've in the library. "Baby, of course I don't think that. And even if you were I'd still love you anyway."

"You would?" she asked, and she reminded me of a small child at that moment. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her everyone else was wrong, but I was in Auradon and she was back in Wonderland.

"Yes, princess," I said, "I would."

"Wait, these other girls, they're not pretty are they?" she asked, her tone serious.

"Oh my God, Red. No, they're not pretty. I would never cheat on you," I said. I didn't take offense to her assumption. I knew she was scared—this was her first relationship, of course she would be scared of messing up. The girl was always so careful, she was afraid of me leaving because it was all she'd ever known. Her childhood friends had been killed by her own mother and even now she didn't like being close to many people because she was scared they would leave or be taken from her. "You're the one that I want, no one else."

"I love you, you know. You have my heart, please don't break it," she said.

"I won't." I said the words firmly, hoping she could understand that I meant them. I glanced at the clock again, fifteen minutes had passed since I last checked. We needed to end the call soon.

"Red, love, I have to go," I said, trying not to break her heart as I just promised her I wouldn't.

"Okay," she pouted. "I love you. Oh, and I miss you. Try and have fun while you're there. Sleep tight."

"I love you, too," I said, my lips turning up into a smile. "I miss you more. If you need me I'm just a phone call away, okay?"

"I know," she smiled. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Bye, love," my smile faded when we ended the call. It helped my missing her temporarily, but now it almost felt like I missed her more than I did before the phone call. But at least she was having an okay-ish time with her mother. She needed to spend time with her new, loving mother. It would be good for her, I told myself as I gathered my things and headed back down to the dorm.

I didn't sleep well that night. I had gotten so used to sleeping next to Red, used to holding her and feeling her breathe, that her absence was even more noticed in the quiet darkness of the night. I had finally fallen asleep when I felt my phone vibrate beside me. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I glance at the time, nearly four in the morning, and slide my thumb over the phone screen to accept the call. Red's splotchy face was on my phone screen, tears flowing like rivers down her cheeks. My heart quickens and I get up and go into the small bathroom in the dorm.

"Red, what's wrong?" I asked as fear took over me. "Talk to me, baby."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I tried not to call you but it was so bad…"

"What was bad? Use your words, princess," I said.

"I had a nightmare again," she said, trying to take in a deep breath.

Fuck.

I hadn't even been gone twenty-four hours yet and she was already suffering. All I wanted was to hold her and make it stop, but I was so far away that I couldn't. "It's okay, baby. It's not real. Your mind was lying to you. You're safe, remember? Your mom is nice, I'm here and I'm alive."

She slows a little bit, but it's not enough to satisfy me. "Baby, if you want me to come back all you have to do is say it. I'll drop everything and come to Wonderland if you want me to."

"No, I want you to stay. I'll be fine," she said, her voice still shaky. Everything was screaming at me to leave, to go to her, but I knew if I did she would be upset with me for leaving.

"Are you sure? I can be there by morning," I said.

"I'm sure," she sniffed. Sure she wasn't crying anymore, but she wasn't entirely back to normal. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to take away her pain, but I couldn't right now.

"Okay," I breathed out. "If you want to stay on the phone until you fall back asleep we can. Do you think that'll help?"

"Maybe," she said. "We can try."

"Okay, we'll try it," I said, leaving the bathroom and going back to bed. I turned the brightness of the phone screen as low as it would go so I didn't disturb the other girls and put it on the charger. I turned the volume low enough that I could still hear her. Her breathing slowed, and about fifteen minutes later I heard her quiet snores. Not much long after, I finally fell asleep myself.

"You're a good girlfriend, you know that?" Marina said to me over breakfast the next morning. I was still tired, trying to wake up by drinking coffee, but I could barely get past the taste.

"Huh?" I said, not quite rendering her words.

"You stayed on the phone with your girlfriend all night so she could sleep. That's sweet. Not many people would do that," Marina said. "She's lucky to have you."

That sentence woke me up more than the coffee ever could. "No, I'm lucky to have her. If you met her you'd know why."

As camp went on, I found myself drawn to Marina. When we needed a partner she always volunteered to be with me. Soon enough she became my friend. She supported me in a different way than Red was able to. Red was always happy to hear about my day but Marina lived it with me. I called Red every night and we stayed on the phone until morning—it was the only way she could sleep without me physically being with her.

It came to no one's surprise when I was named captain. Granted some of the boys gave me trouble, but they were quickly put in line by Mulan. "I don't want to listen to a girl, let alone a dyke bitch," one of the boys had grumbled before being given triple conditioning. Soon enough, the three weeks were over and I was back home in Cinderellasburg for the rest of the summer where I was promptly ambushed by a bear hug from Red. Nothing made me feel better than being back in my girlfriend's arms, and for the rest of the day she was practically glued to my side.

The three weeks away from her made me realize how much I truly loved her. The ache in my chest that reminded me that I missed her never dulled in the way my mother said it would. She was a part of me now, even if I felt the pressure to be perfect. Red loved me, and I loved her, but it didn't take away the feeling of needing to be perfect, to be top of my class, captain of every team I was on. I knew she didn't care about that stuff, but the feeling never left…