Chapter 20: Luna's Dad

Harry: …and then we found out that Bathilda Bagshot had been dead for a while, and was possessed by Nagini.

Ron: Who's Nagini?

Harry: The snake *Ron still looks confused* You know, Volde…

Ron: Oh, right. And then did You-Know-Who try to kill you?

Harry: Yeah, but we apparated out of the house just as Volde…

Ron: I figured as much. Wanna hear what I've been doing?

Harry: Not really.

Ron: I've been hanging out at Bill's place.

Harry: Your brother? Who's been recently married?

Ron: That's the one.

Harry: And they were okay with that?

Ron: They actually didn't take much notice of me. They spent most of their time in their bedroom doing something.

flashback. Ron is lying in bed, and there are bedsprings squeaking in another room*

Fleur: *in the other room* Plus dur, plus rapide, PLUS PROFOND! AHHH!

Bill: *in the other room* I am pretty amazing, aren't I?

Fleur: *in the other room* Are you ready for round two?

Bill: *in the other room* Just give me five minutes to…

Fleur: *in the other room* How about five zecondz? Protelo rigida!

Bill: *in the other room* Well, I'm gonna have to learn that spell.

Ron: *sighs* I remember when me and Harry used to do that.

Bill: *in the other room* Did you hear something?

Fleur: *in the other room* All I hear iz the zound of you not getting inzide me *bedsprings start squeaking again*

back in the present*

Ron: That flashback reminds me, we should make up for lost…

Harry: No, we shouldn't.

Ron: Come on, just one handj…

Harry: FLIPENDO! *Ron only stumbles back slightly* Damn it, this wand is nowhere near as powerful as my old one.

Hermione: You just need more practice with it.

Harry: Pretty sure wands have to connect with their user, and that's the problem.

Hermione: It's an inanimate object. It has no feelings.

Harry: Fine, gimme yours, you can have this one.

Hermione: Hmm…no.

Harry: Yeah, that's what I thought.

Hermione: Anyway, I wanted to propose something to you.

Ron: If you two are getting married, can I be the flower girl?

Harry: …ignoring that, what did you have in mind?

Hermione: I want to see Xenophilius Lovegood.

Harry: …okay, not even close to what I thought you were going to say. Any particular reason for that, or…?

Hermione: Because this symbol keeps popping up, and he's the only person alive who seems to have any idea what it means *shows him a picture in Rita Skeeter's book with the symbol in it*

Harry: That's not true, Viktor knew about it.

Hermione: He knew about one interpretation of it, one that may or may not be correct.

Harry: Alright, fine. How do we even find him though? We've never actually been to Luna's house, so…

Ron: Ooh, I know.

Harry: Shut up Ron, we're trying to work something out. Now, if I was an insane magazine publisher, where would I be?

Ron: I know where he'd be.

Harry: Quiet Ron. Smart people talking. Okay, how much do we know about…

Ron: He lives just over the hill from me.

Harry: Ron, how many times do I have to…wait, what?

Ron: Yeah, the Lovegoods are just over the hill near my place.

Harry: And you never thought to bring this up?

Ron: You never asked.

Hermione: Well, that's good to know.

Ron: Hooray, I'm helpful.

Harry: First time for everything.

Ron: What about that horcrux I destroyed?

Harry: I could have done that.

Hermione: And yet, you didn't. Come on, we're paying that Lovegoods a visit.

Harry: Alright, but I predict this will end up being a bad idea.

on a hill near the Weasley's house*

Harry: You know, it feels weird being so close to your parent's house and not going there.

Ron: Do you think they know we're here?

Hermione: Ron, why would they know we're here?

Ron: Well, we're not exactly hiding ourselves, and we're in full view of the house.

Harry: It's also 6 in the morning, why would anyone be up at this ungodly hour?

inside The Burrow*

Ginny: *suddenly awake* Harry's nearby.

Fred: Well, duh. They're just standing on the hill outside.

Ginny: Wait, what?

George: Yeah, we saw them apparate in a minute ago. Not sure if they're coming here or not though, I feel like they'd have done that by now if they were.

Ginny: And what are you guys doing awake at this time?

Fred: Making contraband.

George: What else would we be doing?

Ginny: Fair enough. I'm gonna go see if I can catch up to Harry *leaves*

Fred: I wonder if she knows we just made that up?

George: With how obsessed she is with him? Probably not.

back on the hill*

Hermione: Okay Harry, you should hide under the cloak.

Harry: Why? There's no-one out here for miles.

Ron: Don't worry Harry. If you feel lonely under there, I could always join…

Harry: Get me under, GET ME UNDER *throws the cloak over himself*

Ron: Don't worry my love, I will find you.

Harry: No you won't.

Ron: Found you *wraps arms around invisible Harry*

Harry: FUCK! *struggles against him*

Hermione: Ron, I believe you said you know where the Lovegoods live?

Ron: Somewhere over there *gestures generally towards the hills*

Harry: So you don't actually know where it is?

Ron: Eh, I'm sure we'll find it.

Harry: *sighs* Let's just get going *starts walking, half dragging Ron with him, Hermione following them*

Ginny: *arriving on the hill just as they were leaving* Where the fuck are they going?

later*

Ron: Hey, do you think this is it?

Harry: Well, it looks weird, there's those weird radish things that Luna sometimes wears as earrings growing in the garden, and the sign says "X. Lovegood, publisher of The Quibbler", so what do you think?

Ron: …we need to keep looking?

Harry: Come on, before I smack you.

Ron: Kinky.

Hermione: Are you two coming or not?

Ron: Not yet, but give me a… *Harry starts dragging him forward by his ear as Hermione knocks on the door*

Xenophilius: *slamming the door open* What else do you people want from… *sees who's there* Oh, you're not…never mind. How can I help you?

Hermione: Were you expecting someone else?

Xenophilius: Huh? Oh, no, I just…why don't you three come in?

Harry: Yeah, I'm feeling kind of exposed here.

Ron: But Harry, you're not naked yet.

Harry: And I will remain that way in your presence.

Ron: Aww…

Xenophilius: Here, come upstairs, we'll talk about whatever you want.

Harry: While we're here, we might as well say hi to Luna.

Xenophilius: Huh? Oh, yes, Luna, she's…uh…down at the creek. I should go and tell her you're here. You three stay right here *leaves as they go upstairs*

Harry: Why do I have a bad feeling about this meeting?

Hermione: Oh Harry, just because things have a habit of going wrong whenever we do something, doesn't mean it's going to happen every time.

Harry: I feel like that's exactly what's going to happen.

Hermione: As if it would…oh, hey, that's an Erumpent horn.

Harry: Is that good or bad?

Hermione: They explode on impact with pretty much anything, so…

Ron: I want a closer look *takes a step towards it, before Harry stops him*

Harry: Can we at least get some information out of this guy before we destroy his house?

Xenophilius: *coming up the stairs* What information would that be?

Harry: Well, it's about that necklace you're wearing.

Xenophilius: Oh, you mean the symbol of the Deathly Hallows?

Harry: Roll credits *ding*