Chapter 28: The Lost Glass
Harry: *appearing in Hogsmeade* Ah, here we are in… *sudden alarm begins blaring* Ron, what the fuck did you do?
Ron: Did you not want me hanging onto your butt to apparate to Hogsmeade?
Harry: I did not, though I'm thinking that's not what happened here.
Hermione: Harry, look *points to the Three Broomsticks, where dozens of Death Eaters were flowing out*
Death Eater 1: We got you now, Potter. You're surrounded.
Death Eater 2: Unless you're under that invisibility cloak, then we have no idea if you're surrounded or not.
Harry: You hear that, guys? As long as we stay under the cloak, we'll be…
Death Eater 1: Of course, we also have dementors here in case of that, so… *leaves with the others to find the dementors*
Harry: …on second thought, let's try finding another way into the castle.
Ron: Yeah, let's apparate away *tries apparating, only to slam into an invisible wall*
Hermione: I guess they set up defences in case we came here and tried to leave.
Ron: Don't worry guys, I got it this time *tries to apparate again, only to slam into the same invisible wall*
Harry: And how do you explain the invisible wall, Miss Magic-Isn't-Real?
Hermione: Uh, Harry?
Ron: Don't worry, I've really got it this time *tries to apparate again, and slams into the wall again*
Harry: Well Hermione, what do you say to…
Hermione: Harry, look around us.
Harry: What, can't come up with an explanation for…
Hermione: HARRY!
Harry: Fine, but I don't see what could be so… *suddenly notices the dementors surrounding them* …oh…
Dementor 1: OM NOM NOM MOTHERFUCKER!
Harry: Well, this is quite the predicament we're in.
Ron: It's okay, I can really do it this… *Harry stops him*
Harry: And by predicament, I mean EXPECTO PATRONUM! *huge silver stag bursts from his wand, chasing the dementors away*
Death Eater 2: Guys, he's in that alley.
Harry: Oh, right, the danger *starts running with the other two, when a door opens*
?: Potter, in here.
Harry: How do we know it's safe?
?: Do you really think it's much safer out there?
Death Eater 1: Come on, we'll eventually get to that alley and corner them.
Harry: Hmm…yeah, sure, what's the worst that could happen, walking blindly into a stranger's house with no…
Hermione: HARRY!
Harry: I'm going, I'm going *enters the house, and notices they're in the Hog's Head*
Bartender: Go upstairs and hide. I'll do the talking.
Harry: You know, I'm not a bad talker myse…
Bartender: Who are they looking for again?
Harry: Fine, but it'll be much funnier if I…
Hermione: HARRY!
Harry: You guys never want me to have any fun *follows the others upstairs*
Death Eater 2: AH HA! We got you now, Potter.
Bartender: Do I look like Potter to you?
Death Eater 1: Hmm…I suppose you do look a tad older…
Bartender: Exactly. He ain't here, jackass.
Death Eater 2: But he set off the Caterwauling Charm…
Bartender: That was me putting the cat out.
Death Eater 1: You don't have a cat. We all know you prefer the company of goats.
Bartender: Such a beautiful animal…but that's not what happened. I put the cat out, leaned too far outside, and set it off. Get over it.
Death Eater 2: You can't fool us. We saw Potter's Patronus.
Bartender: His Patronus is a goat?
Death Eater 1: The fuck do you mean goat? It was a stag.
Bartender: Are you blind? *conjures his patronus, which is a goat* See? Goat.
Death Eater 2: Then explain this security photo *produces a photo from a few minutes ago, showing a stag Patronus*
Bartender: Pfft, everyone knows that when a goat moves fast enough, they look like a stag.
Death Eater 1: Patronus's don't move that…
Bartender: How do you know? Can you summon one?
Death Eater 1: Well, no, but…
Bartender: Exactly. We're done here *slams door in Death Eater's face*
Death Eater 2: Hey, we're not done with… *tries to open the door, but it's locked* He locked the door.
Death Eater 1: Oh, he thinks he can lock the door, eh? Well…he's absolutely right. It's not like there's an unlocking spell or anything.
inside*
Bartender: Okay, would you three mind explaining what the hell you're doing here?
Harry: The better question is: why do you have this mirror? *indicates the mirror on the wall, which shows what's in the mirror fragment Harry's holding*
Bartender: Mundungus sold it to me.
Hermione: Did you know it was secretly a camera to everything we're doing?
Bartender: A what?
Harry: Never mind her, why do you have it?
Bartender: I've been keeping an eye on you. And good thing too, because otherwise I wouldn't have known to send Dobby to you. Where is he, by the way?
Ron: He's dead.
Bartender: Why'd you kill him?
Harry: Hey, whoa, nothing to do with us, that was all Bellatrix Lestrange.
Bartender: And whose fault was it that you needed to be rescued in the first place?
Harry: …not important.
Hermione: It was Harry.
Harry: Fuck off.
Bartender: Anyway, I'll let you stay here for the night, then I'll sneak you out in the morning.
Harry: Actually, we were kinda hoping you'd help us get into Hogwarts.
Bartender: I see fleeing for your lives has made you suicidal then.
Hermione: Who are you to judge us?
Ron: Maybe he's Dumbledore's secret brother that we didn't know about.
Harry: Ron, we know Dumbledore has a brother, and there's no way that this guy is…
Bartender: My name is Aberforth Dumbledore.
Harry: WHAT THE FUCK?!
Ron: Man, I've been right a lot lately.
Harry: I know. Which makes me very worried we're at the end of days.
Aberforth: I suppose you want to hear my backstory now.
Harry: Not really. We already know…
Aberforth: Are you basing it on Rita Skeeter's book?
Harry: …I mean, I don't trust it, but…
Aberforth: Well, you see…
Harry: NOPE! Just get us into the castle. Please.
Aberforth: I don't know why you'd bother. You're going to die sooner that way. This world is doomed. Flee, you'll live longer that way.
Hermione: But sir, you haven't given up yet.
Aberforth: And what makes you say that?
Hermione: Well, you saved us, for one thing.
Aberforth: To tell you how stupid you are.
Harry: You sent Dobby to save us.
Aberforth: He was supposed to give you a message about how stupid you are.
Ron: You also sent your doe Patronus to show us where the Sword of Gryffindor was.
Aberforth: What the fuck are you talking about?
Harry: Ron, his patronus is a goat. We literally just saw this.
Ron: Aww, and I was on a hot streak of being right.
Aberforth: Again, enjoy your night here, I'll get you out in the morning.
Harry: No.
Aberforth: *sigh* Why? Is it some 'I'm a noble warrior who will fight to the last breath' type of bullshit?
Harry: Kind of. You see, there are just barely enough people left in this world that I care about that I want to save. And I owe it to them to at least try. And probably die in the process, but I need to try at least.
Aberforth: …again, you're being stupid, but since you're ignoring the out I gave you… *turns to a picture of a girl* You know what to do *the girl starts walking to the back of her frame*
Harry: I didn't know they could do that. I thought they could only leave to the sides.
Aberforth: Really? Because that's very basic magic. And if you didn't know about that, you're completely…
Hermione: Hey, she's coming back.
Ron: And she's got someone with her.
Harry: …wait…that's not…
Aberforth: Kids, I'd like you to meet the one that's been leading the resistance within Hogwarts all year *picture frame swings open to reveal…*
Neville: Hey guys, what's up?
Harry: How the fuck is there a resistance if he's the leader?