The ride in the motor cab down to the docks was more than a little tense. Will and I wound up facing Jeanie and Samuel, and despite Jeanie's best efforts to try and engage all of us in conversation, silence eventually won out. I tried to keep an eye on Samuel as we pulled up to the offices, he kept his face neutral as the cab stopped and the driver let us out. I could see his eyes, the same clear blue as Will's, begin to rove around and take in the docks. The Star had sailed back for New York, but plenty of other ships had taken her place and the crush of colliers, porters and sailors lent an air of industry to the proceedings. I caught sight of Mr. Welton making his way toward us, I gestured to him as he came up. "Captain Murdoch, this is Julian Welton, our manager in Southampton. Would you care to see the offices first or see if Mr. Welton could arrange for you to see some of our ships?"

Samuel cast a despairing glance at the brick warehouse, "I'd rather be seein' yer ships first."

"Mr. Welton, could that be arranged?" I gave him a smile, hoping he'd catch on. "My future father-in-law was a great captain in his day, and he is interested in exactly what our ships are capable of."

"Of course, will you ladies be joining us?" Mr. Welton gave a nod toward Jeanie and I. "We have five of our ships in, and one will actually be departing shortly if you would care to see her off."

Jeanie shook her head, "I've done enough clamberin' through ships, I'll be stayin' out here."

"Perhaps you'd like to wait in my office with me? I could arrange for tea to be brought up." I turned to her, she was nodding and appeared to be somewhat tired. "Well, let's let the men head off and we'll get all settled." I offered her my arm, and gave Will's hand a squeeze before heading off. I wouldn't have minded going through the ships with them, seeing all the holds and boilers, speaking to the captains about their routes and their crews, but there were times when men had to do things without any feminine interference, and I could feel this was one of them. We walked slowly through the warehouse, and even slower up the stairs to the offices. In fact we paused on a step for a moment before she seemed to collect herself and start up again. Jeanie sat heavily in a chair in a corner of the office while I asked a clerk to bring us some tea. I ignored the large chair behind the desk, instead sitting by Jeanie at the table. "Are you alright, Mrs. Murdoch?"

"I told ye, Jeanie lass," She had her eyes closed, breathing deeply through her nose. "I had some pains last night, and they didn't let up in the mornin'."

"Is there anything I could send for? Some aspirin, maybe?" I started from my chair, "I could have a doctor called."

"Don't bother yerself, it will fade with time." She opened her eyes, taking in the office. "Sit, sit. 'Tis a fine place ye have, though I imagine it's nothin' compared to yer place in America." I watched her look around, considering the large bookcases stuffed with ledgers and models, the huge windows letting in the light and looking out over the docks. The rich royal blue damask curtains that kept watch on them were held aside with white silk ties, the colors of Dalian shipping repeated in the upholstery and rugs across the office. I stared out them for a moment, watching the gulls sweep by and the clouds scudding across the sky.

"It was my father's office, he always came down when we visited London. It's very similar to my office in New York." I felt the slight twist at my heart as I moved back to my chair, and was grateful that a clerk bustled in with a plain tea service on a tray that he left on the table. It gave me a moment to collect myself, to try and keep my feelings in check. I poured for myself and Jeanie, and gladly took a sip. "I've made several visits myself during my stay here."

"Will said ye lost yer father in the sinkin'." Jeanie blew softly on her own cup. "I am sorry fer that, losin' a parent is hard on a child."

"It is," I stared at the tea in my cup, inhaling the scent and hoping to keep the tears from my eyes. "I miss him very much."

"Perhaps we should discuss somethin' else," She reached over, pouring herself another cup. "Samuel seemed very impressed with yer operation here."

"How could you tell that? I was watching him and he barely reacted."

She chuckled, "Ah, it comes from livin' with him for so long. And speaking of livin' with a man, are ye livin' with Will? Seems to me ye were fairly familiar with his house. Not to mention ye didn't leave when we did last night."

"Yes, I am Jeanie, but he has been nothing but a perfect gentleman." I set my cup down, my hands returning to my lap to worry at my skirt. I'd worn a plain shirtwaist and a black skirt, hoping that Samuel might have thought it professional. "I feel completely safe with him." If there ever was anything I felt constantly with Will, it was safe. Safe from unwanted attention, safe in our love, safe in the knowledge that he was by me and breathing, that we were still alive.

"It is odd." Jeanie stared at me, her dark eyes calculating. "Even if they are engaged, a man and his fiancée tend to keep separate houses until the marriage."

"We became used to being in close quarters on the Carpathia," I shifted in my chair, trying to avoid the way her eyes were pinning me to my seat. "I also find his company restful, even if it merely being in the same building. I have suffered from nightmares quite badly since the sinking, Will manages to keep them at bay."

"Ah, there it is." Her nose wrinkled, "So I take it ye'll be wanting to marry quick then? To keep him in yer house?"

"We discussed a summer wedding, next year though. And I have plenty of room in New York for him to stay at my house without raising too much attention, although we will be heading to Newport when we return."

"And what will my boy be doin' in Newport?"

"There are parties, and we will have plenty of time to recuperate." I looked down to my lap, "Sometimes I worry that Will has not recovered fully from the sinking. I know I haven't, it's been easier recently, but I'm hoping some time in Newport will help the both of us. We have a small yacht, he's promised to teach me to sail it. I know I've been looking forward to it quite a bit."

Jeanie reached over, taking my hand. I could feel her bones, her skin thin and pale. Even after holding a cup of hot tea her fingers were cold, but her voice was warm. "I have noticed it too, durin' his visit I'd find him sittin', whatever he had been doin' forgotten as he seemed to be somewhere else. 'Twas hard to draw him out of it, but if I got him to speakin' about you he'd recover for awhile. He'd smile, talkin' about how ye were always standin' by him, about how ye were the prettiest girl he'd seen, even when ye were half frozen."

"I'm afraid he had the worst of the cold that night." I tried to ignore the cold of her hands, "I had to wrap him in my fur coat and cover him in a mink stole after we found him. But we both made it through."

"He hasn't spoken about that night to me, but I heard him talkin' to Samuel as to what happened in the collision. Nothin' beyond though." She reached out, taking both of my hands and holding them tightly. I looked up, her eyes were wide, her face drawn and desperate. "Tell me, what happened to my son that night?"

"He," I fumbled for words, thinking. "He was ashamed of what happened under his watch, and he thought that he had one way to make up for it." I looked away, "He thought to join the lost, but he didn't." I was the one squeezing her hands tightly now, even as I heard her breath catch like she was in pain. Her eyes were shut, and she almost moaned in pain before catching herself. "He made it through the night, and we found him. I swear to you Jeanie, I told him I would not let him think that way again. That we would work though it together. He was a hero that night, he saved my life and so many others. I will make him see it, even if it takes years and years, I promise. I love him Jeanie, I do and I want to have him by me as long as I can."

"And is that why ye love him?" Her voice was thick, "Just because ye want him to live or is it because he saved ye?"

"No, I love him for more than that." I closed my eyes, thinking about everything that I found in Will. "He's handsome, and I enjoy listening to him talk about things he likes. I could listen to him talk for hours about sailing and never look away. But, I love him most for his kindness." I drew in a breath, "I have not had the best luck with men behaving themselves, and when I spoke of it to Will, he comforted me and let me speak without passing any judgement. He even defended me from an unwanted suitor that was onboard." I sniffed, "I don't feel that I owe him my love, or that if I don't love him he might die, I love him for who he is. I saw that clearly that night, that at the heart of it, Will is a kind man who only wants to do the right thing. He swore to me that night that he would find me after, and I held him to it. How could I not love a man like that? How could I not want to keep him around me as long as I can?"

She seemed to consider the remains of her tea for quite sometime. Had I shared too much? Or should I have shared more? How when Will looks at me he almost looks like a man in the desert seeing water? That I had been lost without word from him? That some of the best times I've had with him were just when we were sat near each other, reading and smoking? I was not going to tell her how much I melted when I felt Will's touch, how we spent our days and nights, the pleasure we found in each other's arms. Though, if I had been offered fifteen minutes of our time in the bed, or an hour sat by his side, I would have taken the hour. I didn't need Will's touch to love him, all I needed was him. I had wrapped so much of my skirt around my fingers that my ankles were clearly visible and the material wrinkled when she reached across and took my hand. "Ye poor dear," Jeanie squeezed my fingers, "Don't fuss over it none, 'twill just make it worse fer him. Just make sure my boy has more good days than bad."

"I think that's what we all need," I stood, moving to the windows and looking out to the docks. I could make out Will and Samuel on the deck of one of the ships, in a deep discussion with her captain as Mr. Welton stood by. Will bore a strong resemblance to his father, both their brows furrowed and their hands clasped behind their backs. I looked back to Jeanie, "Does he always look like that when's he's focused? With his nose all wrinkled?"

"Since he was a boy," Jeanie laughed, "Now, tell me about yer wedding. Summer weddings are lovely, but perhaps a spring one would be better, more traditional." By the time Samuel and Will arrived in the office, we had fallen into a discussion of exactly what flowers should be in my bouquet. Jeanie was pushing for some color, perhaps some peach colored roses. "White flowers are all good for purity, but ye'll want some color. Otherwise it might look like a funeral."

"I was thinking a few garlands of forget-me-nots." I looked over to Will, smiling. "They remind me of his eyes." I enjoyed the slight flush that came to his cheeks, and the blue in his eyes did bear a strong resemblance to the flower at the moment.

"Ana, you have plenty of time to decide on flowers." He moved over to his mother, "And Ma, I'll not be having you rush her down the aisle."

"Well ye should Will, especially if ye're plannin' to be at her house once yer in America." Jeanie patted Will's hand where he had placed it on her shoulder, "Sam, have ye finally decided to let yer son work for his intended?"

Samuel actually flushed at that, "I had no idea what yer business was like, Miss. Ye've got some fine men sailin' for ye. And yer ships are some of the finest I've seen."

"Thank you." I tried to look for something to say. "And I promise, I'm not pushing Will into a position he's not suited for. It will be up to the captain of our new ship to decide his place in the officers of it."

"Well, so long as he's not gettin' in just because he's with ye." Samuel grumbled, trailing off but giving Will a nod. I could practically see the relief flow through him, a loosening of his shoulders that I hadn't noticed were tense before. We didn't stay long in the office, it was growing late and Samuel and Jeanie had to pack for their early train to London. Will and I wound up bidding them farewell in the lobby of their hotel, Samuel giving me a brief embrace. "Don't let him get too used to livin' like ye do." He mumbled as as he leaned down, "He's meant for more than that."

"He is," I gave his shoulders a brief squeeze, "And I won't let him, he's actually going to teach me how to sail over the summer."

"Aye Da," Will seemed to have lost any traces of his English accent, pure Scots was rolling through his voice. "She's ta be me first apprentice. And a fine one she will be." I could barely mutter something to Jeanie about sending invitations to the wedding to them, and telling them we would gladly pay for their travel, my lips were held in such a massive grin. It delighted me to hear him speak like that, and it made me wish his parents weren't right here in front of us at the moment.

"I'm afraid you're not going to be my first teacher Will," I chuckled, "Ezekiel taught me some knots on the way over and Captain Fields had me stand watches with him, not to mention giving me lessons on navigation."

Samuel actually laughed out loud at that, clapping his hands. "Ha! She'll make a fine sailor, see if she won't."

"She's always full of surprises," Will shook his head, and he and his father shared one last handshake before we all went our separate ways, and I didn't let go of his hand even as we got into the cab. He looked at me as we pulled up to the house, "Yer smiling like a fool."

"I'm a fool for you," I muttered, moving my hand to his thigh. "Your sweet little fool."

"Ana," I heard him breathe in harshly, before he handed over the fare to the driver and helped me down. I impatiently waited for him to open the door and close it behind us, then threw myself at him. His hands were on my waist, but I was the one who pushed him back against the door. He dropped his hands lower, pulling me against him and I slipped my hand between us, teasing him through his trousers. He broke off, throwing his head back. "God damn, Ana." These acts that we had lasted for so long without were now fascinating and I wanted to learn all the different ways to bring him pleasure, regardless if it was something a proper lady should do. I knew what I was planning was not proper in the slightest, but I hardly cared. I wanted to see him find his pleasure with me, I wanted to taste him.

"Go, sit." I pulled back, gesturing for him to go to one of the chairs in the parlor. The floral curtains above the windows were open, and I quickly threw them shut. This was not something I wanted anyone to see, this was just for us. It was going to be more for Will though, than me. I hardly cared, it would be a pleasure to see him lose himself. The thought of voyeurs gave me pause for a moment, "Kate's not due for a few hours, right?"

"Right," Will's voice sounded husky, and when I came around the side of the chair I could see him moving his hand against himself through his trousers. He stopped, looking at me. "Lass, come here."

I was on his lap in an instant, shoving his hand away and taking its place. His lips were hot on my neck as he nipped at me, and I let myself moan without abandon as I rocked against him. He was already straining at his fly, and I set myself to undoing the buttons and freeing him. He bucked under me slightly as I let my fingers drift over his head, and I caught Will's eye. "Tell me what you like." I slid off his lap, collecting my skirt underneath my knees for a cushion and looking up to him.

His fingers toyed briefly with my hair, the pins that had held it in a bun quickly discarded. "I like ye looking like that, lass."

"Like what?"

"Like all you want in the world is me, like yer willin' to do anythin' fer me."

I pressed a kiss to his tip, hearing him hiss. "You are all I want in the world, Will." It was slightly intimidating to be confronted with him, rearing up before me, and not knowing what to do. The basic mechanics seemed simple, taking him in my mouth, but the exact technique eluded me. He seemed to like getting kissed though, so I pressed kisses along his length and to his sack. His fingers in my hair though seemed to guide me, gently tugging me back up so that I was face to face with his manhood. I took a breath, opened my mouth, and took him in.

The first thing I noticed was that he tasted slightly bitter down here, and smelled a bit like stale sweat. The second thing was his fingers tightening in my hair, pulling only slightly as he gave a sudden groan, breathing fast. "Ana, fuck. Your mouth, so sweet." I couldn't take all of him in, and I set my hand to rubbing the rest of him as he liked. I let my tongue trace patterns across him, sucking slightly. I had enjoyed it when he had done it to me, and when I sucked on him he would groan and thrust his hips slightly. The first time I had actually let him out of my mouth in shock, but had quickly got back to it. It was not all together distasteful, especially as Will continued dragging his fingers through my hair, pulling it up cover his thighs. I grinned around him as I bobbed my head, trying to decide what he liked best.

I could have listened to Will like this all day, his voice strained as he spoke slowly. "Ana, God your golden hair all over my lap, fuck I've wanted this." If I cut my eyes up for a moment I could see his head lolled back against the chair, his eyes barely open as he looked to the ceiling. "Wanted to have your mouth on me, fuck. Sometimes at night I'd picture you, just like this, on your knees and sucking me off, and I'd lose myself in it. This is so much better than my hand though." He kept changing what his fingers did, from guiding my rhythm to stroking my scalp, but always, always gentle, even when he pulled at it.

I gave an approving hum at that, thinking about all the times I had pictured Will touching me at night. If I had known how good his mouth was I would have thought about him doing that too. My mouth was growing slightly sore from being open for so long as he started panting in earnest, his grasp on my hair tightening and his hips thrusting more and more. I shivered as he spoke, his voice hoarse. "Ana, God Ana, I'm-" He was cut off by his own release, flooding my mouth with his seed. It tasted bitter and salty, and I pulled back from him after he finished. I had first jerked my head back in shock, but managed to control my initial reaction. I stared up at him, his eyes little more than slits as he looked down. "I'm sorry, don't, don't," He shuddered again, his body loose and relaxed. He seemed to collapse back into the winged chair, his eyes shut. I shoved myself up, heading for the kitchen and spitting it into the sink. I ran the faucet after it, rinsing my mouth out as I did. The taste was not enjoyable, but seeing Will like that was. Hearing what he wanted, that he dreamed of me like I dreamed of him.

He had only tucked himself away by the time I came back, sitting on his lap and curling my fingers in his hair. "Was it good?"

"Very," Will muttered, pressing his head to mine. "I should have told you before I, you know, that way you wouldn't have had to have it in your mouth."

"It's alright," I shrugged, "I spit it out in the sink, but I'm glad you liked it."

"I'm glad it's just us again." He whispered, kissing my cheek. "That you're here." I pressed my face to his neck, breathing in the smell of him. I could smell a little sweat, his aftershave and a slight bit of cologne, sweet and clear. Will dropped his hand to my waist, "Do you want me to?"

"No, I wanted to do that for you." I dropped my lips to his ear. "But we should start looking for a ship back, and think of what we can do alone on it."

"Mmmm," He paused, thinking. "The Oceanic should be in Thursday, we could be in New York within the week."

"I'm sure Charles would be thrilled to have us." I chuckled, settling against him and feeling his arms pull me close. I could easily arrange for a couple first class tickets, and it would be different for Will, to be a passenger and not a member of the crew. To actually indulge in all the excesses he had only been able to watch. Plus, I would have to invite Charles to dinner with us. There was no way I was going to let him ignore us, but knowing Charles he'd find some way to insert himself into our trip as soon as we boarded.