The Strange Family 2

Summary: After the events of not only settling out to have an unexpected quest but managed to have form an unusual family, Shrek, Jason, Fiona, Donkey and Goldi gets an unexpected out of nowhere invitation by Fiona's parents to come to the kingdom of kingdoms that is Far Far Away to not only for Harold and Lillian to get the chance to reconnect with their daughter that they haven't seen she was seven years old, but also give Shrek and Jason their royal blessing of being part of their royal family. Despite the father and son duo refusing on the idea of going, all five traveled to golden land and got the opposite of a welcome. Plus, a certain mysterious fairy, who has played a hand in the drama of Fiona's tragedy, and her overgrown momma's boy of a son and his trusty, loyal and kiss-assed squire who isn't pleased at all and pulling all the stops and fixing the major mistake in order to patch up their wounded plan.

(Prologue 2)

Somewhere in the forest on their horses taking a measly stroll in the woods without worry or care in the world as their desired location wasn't a must get there as soon as possible. The two people happened to be a royal knight and his faithful yes-man of a squire. The knight just so happens to be Prince Charming and his squire named Aldren. The route that they were currently taking will take longer to reach their destination while using the shorter route. Reason?. Simple, Prince Charming wanted the bragging rights and an excellent heroic story to be told of him for years to come. Currently, the pretty boy who never has real world working skills and always gets things handed to him without even working or earning it, is currently down in the lack of motivation.

Charming stopped his horse. "Aldren?."

"Yes, your greatness?." Aldren, who is the same skin tone as Charming and had short cut blonde hair, stopped his horse. "Is something wrong?."

Charming removed his helmet and showed his broad facial expression. "I'm suffering another round of lacking motivation. Fix it."

"Why of course, Sir!." Aldren spoke in such enthusiasm. "Right away, Sir!."

Aldren flipped open the bag that is on the side of his horse and pulled out a book that wasn't finished since it only had just literally six pages. The book is fully dedicated to Charming since he is literally writing his own story in the process just to fuel his ego. "He is your usual pick me up, my prince."

Charming took the book. "Thank you, Aldren." He began opening the book. "Don't know what I do without you."

"Think nothing of it, your highness," Aldren replied with a smile. "It's all for the glory of your legend."

Prince Charming started reading the book titled 'The Epic Chronicles of Prince Charming: Volume Infinity', and his eyes began to light up with excitement. The pages were filled with tales of his supposed bravery and wit, painted with such false details that it was hard to believe any of it was fabricated. Each word was a stroke of genius, a testament to his own greatness, or so he thought. He read aloud, his voice echoing through the forest.

"Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl." Charming looked at the other side of the page to continue. "And throughout the land, everyone was happy. Until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night."

"Feeling motivated yet, my Prince?." Aldren asked while pouring a goblet of finest wine for him to drink.

"Almost," Charming said with a smirk, turning another page. "Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother; who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming!. Now, that has got my motivation back on track!."

He closed the book and then grabbed the goblet before giving Aldren the book back before taking a great few sips of his favorite wine to enjoy the moment. After handing the goblet back, Charming puts his helmet back on before getting his horse all wilded up.

"Come, Aldren!. Fiona awaits!. Ha!." Charming leads the way.

"Yes, your greatness!." Aldren spoke with such high praise. "Gallop!."

They ride through and out of the forest, and then riding through snowy blizzard mountains and dealing with the unbearable barren desert. Days have gone back during their journey and not worrying about any Knight who is brave and foolish enough to make any attempts at going to the keep and try saving Fiona.

Aldren rides his horse behind his future king while letting Charming have his moment. "My future king?. Want me to write down what is going on currently?."

"If it pleases you, squire," Charming said, his eyes never leaving the path ahead. The thought of rescuing a princess and breaking the curse invigorated him. He felt the rush of excitement and purpose coursing through his veins.

Aldren pulls back the book and gets his quill and ink. "Ready when you are, Charming."

Charming smirked in his helmet and as an idea of what to say and let it flow. "It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon's Keep."

Aldren nodded while scribbling it all down. "Yes, Yes, perfect!. This is going to be the story of the ages!."

They finally arrived at the castle surrounded in hot boiling lava as Charming and Aldren got off their horses and tied them down so they wouldn't walk away. Aldren quickly got Charming his bow and arrow with an attached rope after seeing that the bridge was completely gone. Charming climbed up on a rock and aimed his arrow to the other side of the worn out castle. After shooting it, he and Aldren zipped down to reach the other side of the castle and landed smoothly. The two know exactly of the layout and blueprint of the Dragon's Keep itself and reach the tower where Fiona should be.

Charming started monologuing yet again. "For he is the bravest..." He then takes off his helmet to get the chance to wave his pretty hair. "And the most handsomest."

"Indeed you are." Aldren spoke while pulling out Charming's sword which happens to be Excalibur itself and the only sword that can penetrate the magical scales of the dragon. "Here is your sword, Charming. All polished and smudge free just how you like it."

"Thanks," Charming said, taking the sword with a flourish. "Let's do this!." before putting the sword in its holster.

They reached the tower and walked up the steps and entered the room despite the door being busted open and didn't pay no mind. After getting his breath freshen before reaching the castle, Charming once again monologues while Aldren stood behind him. Charming slowly opens the curtains while speaking.

"While the great Fiona sleeps and waits for her dream to come..." Charming stopped dead in utter shock.

There in bed was Wolf, his adopted human daughter Ivy and his black human wife, were relaxing and eating a few boxes of goodies while reading today's magazine and a familiar book. Wolf looked at Charming before putting his magazine down.

"Well...what?." Wolf looks at him for a response.

Charming was hesitant. "P... Princess Fiona?."

"What?." Wolf frowned. "No!."

Charming relaxed in relief. "Oh, thank goodness." He chuckled a bit. "I thought I have to kiss her ugly face at night."

"That is offensive and rude." Ivy aka Red Riding Hood snapped at him in defense of her father.

"Ivy, calm down," Wolf said calmly, placing his paw on her right cheek before caressing it. "He's just a lost soul looking for his own glory."

Aldren came over with a frown. "I have you know, Wolf, Prince Charming is most certainly not a lost soul looking for his own glory. He is the definition of glory."

Wolf looked at Aldren. "Really?. And I suppose you believe everything that is written in that book of his?. Which no one can be a witness to help claim all that the book says he did."

Aldren stuttered. "W...what? No, of course not. I mean, the prince is quite the hero, as everyone knows."

"Yeah...made up." said Veronica while taking a bite of her chocolate dipped cookie.

"I'm getting off subject." Charming looked at Wolf. "Where is Princess Fiona?. Is she using the bathroom?."

Wolf chuckled. "Well, Charming, I'm afraid you've arrived a bit too late. She is on her honeymoon. The Dragon who guards this castle has rented this tower for us to stay at a reasonable price. Sure there isn't any property value, but we don't have to worry about scammers trying to sell us something." He looked at his daughter and wife. "Ain't that right, Ivy?. Veronica?."

Ivy rolled her eyes while Veronica nodded. "Yes, dear. It's very reasonable indeed."

Charming ignored all of that except for his answered question as it shocked him and Aldren. "Honeymoon?. With whom?."

Wolf looked at Charming with an eyebrow raise. "Why, with Shrek, of course. Did you not know?. It's in the book?."

Aldren raised his brow. "Book?. What book?."

Wolf raised his brow. "Are you pulling my tail here?. You seriously haven't been hearing about the most recent published book that is currently making a huge buzz?."

Ivy handed Aldren the book that her father is referring to. Aldren looked at the title. "The Strange Family?." he looked down to see the name of the writer and illustrator. "Jason Ogre. Who in the round table is Jason Orge?!."

Meanwhile somewhere on a nice sunnier side of a nice gender bread honeymoon sweet, Shrek is currently adjusting the live camera to make it perfect before going over to Fiona. Fiona, who is a full fledged permanent ogre, waved at the camera before Shrek sweeps her up off her feet in bridal style and makes the attempt to get themselves through the door that was obviously made for human size. Shrek makes the attempt and barges his way in before putting Fiona down. Fiona chuckled while getting a piece of thick thin gender bread cookie out of her hair before romantically feeding it to Shrek, who happily took it with his teeth. Back at the swamp, Jason and Goldi were working on making the foundation to their new home before putting the house itself up with help from Donkey, Elizabeth, Goldi's family and their friends.

Shrek and Fiona were enjoying their sweet honeymoon like a new couple should as the two got right up in the morning and kissed each other before going into the bathroom to shave. Shrek shaves his face in detail while Fiona does the same. Back over there at the swamp, Jason was grooming his little facial hair that was coming in while Goldi was brushing her thick hair with a big smile. During that moment, Ivy, who had a picnic basket, was easing down the road to deliver the order from Jason to his parents. She knocked on the door and waited until Shrek and Fiona opened the door. She stared at them for a brief second and turned heel to run with a horrified scream to Shrek and Fiona's confusion.

"Huh, what spooked Ivy?. She knows us?." Shrek said before Fiona picks up an envelope.

Fiona shrugged. "Who knows. But we do know that this envelope and this basket is gifted from our son. Let's read it."

They opened the envelope to reveal a neatly written note from Jason. Fiona started reading. "Dear Mom and Dad, I hope you two lovebirds are enjoying your honeymoon. I wanted to send you these treats to show how much I love you guys. Remember to come home soon, we miss you!. Awe, that is a sweet kid."

Shrek picked up the basket, lifting the cover to find two big roasted honey glazed turkey legs "Look, Fiona, he got some yummy turkey legs. Looks like our son isn't shy of throwing his money around after his book of our family is a success."

Fiona giggled, "Indeed."

Speaking of Jason, he and Goldi were inside their still building home while the two were painting on the inside. The paint that Jason wanted is in fact Autumn color as he was happy to get the paint which was in stock at the village. Goldi hummed a tune while painting her side of the wall. Jason did the same before deciding to have fun a bit. He dipped his brush of paint and then slapped it on Goldi's back. Jumping up the thick British accent blonde in surprise.

"Jason!." Goldi yelped while spinning around to face him, her brush poised to retaliate. "That was uncalled for!."

Jason shrugged with a smile. "It was worth seeing that shock look on your face."

"Oh, I'll give you a shocked look on your face." Goldi smirks with bad intentions when grabbing her bucket of paint.

Before she could even react, Jason dashed across the room with a laugh, leaving a trail of paint splatters in his wake. The two of them broke into a playful chase, their laughter echoing through the unfinished walls of their future home. The once pristine walls now had a new color palette, a blend of their laughter and love. They didn't care about the mess; it was all part of their little fun together. Back with Shrek and Fiona, the two switched their clothing with swim shorts and headed to the very close-by beach with the basket of turkey legs.

"The ocean is beautiful and so calm." Fiona spoke while hearing the comfortable waves.

"Yeah, it is." Shrek nodded, taking in the scenery.

They spread a blanket on the sand and sat down, ready to feast on their son's surprise. The scent of the honey glazed turkey legs filled the air, making their mouths water. Fiona took hers and bit into the tender meat, savoring the flavor. The juices dripped down her chin, but she is too busy enjoying her honeymoon to care about her manners. Shrek relaxed and enjoyed his view of the nice surroundings before turning to see Fiona, who had a lovely dovey facial expression and then jumped on him with glee. They sound around the beach and made out. A strong wave had grabbed them as Shrek opened his eyes to see that he wasn't kissing Fiona but in fact a mermaid.

"Oh, hell, no!." Fiona grabbed the red headed mermaid and dragged her back.

"Wait, Wait, no, no, no, no!..." The red mermaid pleaded for her life. "They are still there waiting and..."

"Get your fishy lips off my husband's lips!." Fiona swung her right into the water and watched a group of sharks dive back in the water to eat their meat. She dusted her hands off before turning to Shrek with a look

Shrek blushed in embracement. "Oops. Thought I was kissing you."

Fiona rolled her eyes but couldn't hold back a chuckle. "Well, I'll have to keep a closer eye on you then, won't I?."

"You know I only have eyes for you, my love," Shrek spoke as Fiona sat back down with him after assuring her. He leaned and nuzzled her neck affectionately.

Fiona chuckled, smacking him playfully. "Good. Now let's eat before the seagulls steal our food."

As for Jason and Goldi they were at a clear fishing pond by the village. Goldi wanted to teach Jason on how she catches her fish like a bear since she is adopted by bears as a human. Jason, who is sitting at the bank, watched Goldi take off her boots and socks and get in the water.

"You're not worried about what is in the water?. You might stumble upon a grass snake." said Jason, as he watched her stretch before looking in the water for fish.

Goldi laughed. "Don't worry, I know my waters like the back of my hand. And snakes are the least of my concerns." She bent down, her homemade skirt hiking up slightly, and submerged her hands in the cool water. With surprising grace, she began to fish for their meal.

Jason watched her fish out so much fish that even he can't get that many by fishing pole and bait. He watched her dry her head right in for a few seconds and then pull out with a big fish in her mouth. She wiggles the wiggling fish in her mouth to submit in submission before taking it out and tossing it in the pile. While this was going a female teen was passing by and stopped to spot Jason.

"Oh, hi, Jason." She spoke before pulling out his published book of his life's story and his adventure. "I really enjoyed your drawings. You really got it in such detail. You should have been an artist instead of being a writer."

Jason chuckled as he got up to get close to her. "That some people had said, but I am more in the writing field. I just love the fill and sound of the pen touching the paper."

The teen nodded. "I can see that, your book is like nothing I have ever read. It's like I'm in the story with you guys."

Jason chuckled. "Yeah, well..."

Out of nowhere and not staying focused on his surroundings, Goldi immediately got right out of that cold water with fury. She instantly grabbed a handful of the girl's hair and growled at her and spoke with a deep threat.

"I don't know you, so if you don't leave my mate alone, I will feed you to my dimwitted brother," said Goldi.

The girl screamed in terror and dashed off like she saw a ghost. Jason tried to call her back but got ignored. He sighed as this was the standard territory of having a girlfriend. He never knew that girls will be so aggressive and proactive in nature for their boyfriends.

Goldi turned back to Jason with a smug grin. "You know I got to defend my territory. Momma raised me to always let every girl know that the male mate has already been taken."

Jason looked at her to the side. "She was just talking about my book, Goldi. You don't have to be aggressive every time a girl comes up and wants to talk to me. I do have friends here in the village."

"Everything is fine, love," Goldi said, wading back to the bank. "But you know how it is, we bears are very territorial. Besides, I'm just looking out for you." She grabbed a towel and started drying herself off.

"Hmm, I can't imagine how you act when you wake up in mid winter." Jason watched her dry her feet off.

"Well, let's hope you never find out," Goldi said with a chuckle, throwing the towel at him. "Now, help me with the fish before they start trying to wobble their way back into the water."

Jason nodded when opening the sack and loading the fish in the bag. Goldi sat down on a stump to dry her hair out. "Do we have enough nails to finish off the roof?."

"Aye, we should." Jason said with a nod. "But we might have to ask Donkey if he has some extra in case we run short. Or I could stop by the hardware shop. They have a sale going on."

"That sounds like a good plan." Goldi smiled at him. "But before that, let's get these fish ready for dinner. I've got a taste for some fresh stew. I'm cooking you some real food."

"*What's wrong with my ogre style cousines?." Jason asked when putting the sack over his shoulder.

Goldi's stomach started to hurt a bit on the reminder of Ogre meals. She holds her gut and puts on a forced smile. "My tummy hasn't yet accepted your way of eating, Jason. You were raised by an Ogre and I am raised by bears. You and I have two different upbringings and the foods we were given to eat."

Jason laughed. "I understand, Goldi. I'll go get the nails and you start cooking the stew."

"Sounds perfect, darling." Goldi kissed him on the cheek before getting the sack and then running off to start preparing their dinner.

Meanwhile a week later, Shrek was getting a fresh ring made for Fiona from the dwarfs and didn't think about it being hot when getting it in his hands. He started to fumble it and accidentally threw it up in the air. Fiona, with her quick thinking, put her hand out and watch the ring slide right into her ring finger. Shrek calmed down before motion Fiona to give him her hand. She looked down to see engraved words that said 'I Love You'. This made Fiona very emotional.

"Awe, Shrek. You're so sweet." Fiona said with a beautiful smile.

Shrek blushed. "I've been saving up for this. You know how much I love you. And I had to get it done right before we got home."

Fiona kissed Shrek's cheek. "You always know how to surprise me. Thank you, darling." She looked down at the ring, sparkling in the moonlight, feeling the warmth of his love.

As for Goldi, she and Jason were back at the jewelry shop looking at pretty fine engagement rings.

"Well... what catches your eye?." said Jason.

Goldi's eyes sparkled as she looked at the rings. "Oh, all of them are so pretty. But, I want something that shows I'm engaged to the bravest and most handsome guy in the world."

The Vendor shows a rack of gems. "They are the best that my suppliers have to give me."

Goldi looked at both the back of her hands for examination. She tilted her head in ponder. "My hitting with my cane won't be more effective with a ring on my finger. Hmmm..." she looked down at her boots before it hit her and looked at the vendor. "Do you have any engagement toe rings?."

The Vendor looked at her weird. "I've never had a customer ask for such a peculiar piece before. But, I can have one made. I need your exact toe ring size to proceed."

Goldi grinned. "Perfect. And make it shine like the stars, please."

"Please, this way for fitting." The Vendor pointed in the other direction.

Jason followed Goldi with a smile. "Toe rings, really?. I never knew you had such unique tastes."

"Why not?." Goldi winked at him. "It's just like me, one of a kind."

The Vendor sets a small stool. "Take off the boot of the foot you wanted your toe to be measured, please."

Goldi took off her right boot and sock, revealing a well-pretty foot. She wiggled her toes with excitement. "Just like Cinderella, but with more class."

The Vendor chuckled, "Ah, young love. Now, let's see." He measured her toe with a gentle touch. "You know, I can see why you'd want a ring like this. Your foot is begging to be jeweled up."

Goldi laughed, "Just make sure it doesn't pinch and not get tight. I don't want to have any issues when walking around and feeling uncomfortable."

The Vendor nodded, scribbling down notes on a pad. "I understand completely. I'll make sure it's a perfect fit. Now, let's talk about the design."

Goldi leaned in closer, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I want it to be sculpted in the image of my favorite food. Porridge. Do you have the right color gems to do that?."

The Vendor raised an eyebrow but nodded, intrigued by the peculiar request. "We have a wide variety of gems, Miss. I believe we can create a porridge-themed toe ring that suits your taste."

Jason chuckled, "I've gotta say, Goldi, that's one of the most unique things I've ever heard of. But if it makes you happy, I'm all for it."

Goldi looked at him with a grin. "It's not just about me being happy. It's about us making memories that no one else will have, Love." She winked. "Besides, it's a good conversation starter."

"I don't think that someone wants to see your smelly foot to see your ring toe." Jason chuckled.

Goldi rolled her eyes. "You're one to talk, mister 'let me burp and fart in public' wanna be Ogre."

The vendor looked between them, unsure if he should be amused or horrified. He cleared his throat, trying to keep the conversation on track. "Very well, a porridge-themed engagement toe ring it is. We'll use a mix of cream and golden-colored gems to create the perfect oat texture."

"Excellent." responded Goldi. "How much in total?."

The vendor calculated the cost of the ring with the gems and materials. "That will be fifty gold coins each for the ring and the gems for the toe ring."

"Sounds cheap. Why?." asked Jason.

The Vendor blinked, surprised by the question. "Well, young sir, it's because we're using the finest gems and materials. Plus, the craftsmanship for a toe ring is quite intricate. It's a bargain for such a unique piece. That, and I never sell any toe rings. Never. This is my very first."

Jason nodded, taking out his coin pouch. "Fifty gold coins it is. Make sure it's worth every coin." He handed over the coins after counting them.

The Vendor took the payment, his eyes widening slightly at the amount. "Of course, of course. We'll have her ring ready in a few days. The pleasure is all mine."

Back at the area of their honeymoon sweet in the backwoods after fighting off an angry mob of Ogre hunters, Shrek and Fiona sat in a nice warm mud hot tub along with capturing a few fairies in a jar and set them on the shelf after shaking it. Fiona caught the last fairy in a jar and shook it up for its dust to sparkle light at night before putting it with the others. Shrek, being too relaxed, accidentally let out a fart as the bubbles began to form. Relaxing what he did, he blushed in embarrassment for doing that. Fortunately, Fiona enjoyed and loved being an Ogre and all of its lovable perks. Such as going to bed without brushing your teeth and enjoying that sweet bad morning breath, enjoying the sweet smell of fungus and moss, and of course breaking wind without saying excuse me.

Fiona chuckled before closing her eyes and let a good one out. "Oh, yeah, it feels so good to let that bad girl out."

Shrek chuckled and said. "Better out than in, I always say."

The two laughed it off while continuing to pass gas in the tub while ignoring the fairies disgust as they started coughing and fanning away the smell from their jars. They enjoy the good soak of the fresh mud and savoring the sweet night as it is their final night until returning home. Speaking of home, Goldi is giving Jason a wonderful back rub that he will never forget. She worked her hands and fingers to relax and break tension in Jason's back, neck, ears, and biceps.

"Mmmmmm." that is all Jason can say.

"Feeling good, Love?." Goldi grinned.

Jason groaned in pleasure, his eyes closed. "Yes, yes, yes. That's the spot."

Goldi chuckled, her hands moving in a circular motion across his shoulders. "Good. You had a long day. And I know how much your back has been bothering you with all the building. You are an excellent provider."

"Thanks," Jason mumbled, his body melting into the bed. "You're so great with your hands besides stealing."

Goldi playfully smacked his arm. "Hey, I only stole your heart, remember?. I, myself and my family are trying to turn a good leaf."

Jason chuckled, "And you stole it quite well, my love. Now, about you getting a job...?."

Goldi sighed and stopped her massaging. "I know, I know. Like I say, no one isn't going to hire a criminal. I am on a wanted poster."

"Well, you and your family's crime history isn't worth bragging about since you guys..." Jason trailed off.

"Uhhhhh, what?..." Goldi raised her brow.

"Well, you guys are a bunch of amateur thieves who haven't got an actual score to brag about." Jason spoke out with no hesitation.

Goldi glared at him playfully. "Amateurs?. Watch your mouth, love. In fact, I'll show you amateur." She tickled his side, and he erupted into laughter, trying to squirm away from her.

Their playful banter turned into a full-blown tickle fest, the room filling with laughter. They rolled around the bed, Jason trying to escape her nimble fingers while Goldi's bear-like strength made it nearly impossible. "Okay, okay, I'll take it back!." he gasped between giggles.

Goldi stopped and grinned. "Good. Now, tell me, what do you want for dinner tomorrow?."