Two weeks later
After months of delays, they were finally sitting on the couch in the theater room, watching the film in its entirety to understand how much had been released. The news media and social media were in a frenzy. It was all anyone talked about. She was glad that the twins were too young for school and that Lily had been pulled out completely because they certainly would not have been able to go on as usual. There was nothing in the film that was shocking to her apart from the fact that as the mission went on Fitz had made it a point to send deltas to the small cafe she was in to guard her surreptitiously. She was pregnant then and they were not on good terms, to put it mildly, but even then he knew exactly where she was and made sure she was protected.
Still, it was hard to watch the entire film, watching him move around the city, dejected and completely removed from his emotions.
The media debated whether or not he was a psychopath or a hero. Psychologists and body language experts analyzed him based on video footage without ever having met him. Most experts concluded he was both.
It was evening and Lucky and his wife were coming over to join them for dinner. Sonia would be working late and was upstairs with the girls giving them a bath. They'd already eaten dinner. The film ended. Fitz's phone buzzed. When he checked it, it was Lucky.
"It's Lucky, he's 10 minutes away," he said.
Olivia nodded and she grabbed the control and turned off the large screen. His mood had been up and down for days, though he'd been trying his best to hide it. She stood from her seat, kneeled slowly between his legs, and began to undo the button on his pants without a word. She reached in and pulled out his penis and began stroking him as his erection formed.
She licked against his tip, lubricating him until she could take him into her mouth. She loved sucking him off, she loved hearing him moan and groaned in pleasure as he was in her mouth. She loved the sensuality of it all.
She made quick work of him and when he came into her mouth, she swallowed it all. Once Fitz caught his breath he stuffed his wet, flaccid penis back into his boxers and buttoned his pants. Olivia attempted to stand but he was quick to help her up as he stood as well and smiled as he kissed her as he wrapped his arms around and hugged her.
"You looked like you needed a little pick me up," she said lovingly.
"I did huh," he said as he kissed her again.
She nodded, "you did."
He smiled and kissed her again. "I love you." Phone buzzed. "Lucky's here," he said without looking to check.
"I love you too," she said. "Come on, let's socialize with other adults like a normal couple," Olivia said.
Fitz agreed and they walked out half bathroom to wash their hands. Olivia freshened up, checking her face in the mirror before going to the front of the house and waiting as Lucky drove down the driveway in his Lamborghini Aventador. He had no qualms about flaunting his new wealth wherever he went. Once he parked, Lucky and his wife exited the car and headed to them, meeting them by the doorway. Their guards stayed behind.
"Hey stranger," Lucky greeted.
Fitz gave him a half hug and laughed, "Hey, I'm trying okay. This is me trying."
Olivia shook her head and laughed as well. Lucky rolled his eyes playfully and hugged Olivia. Olivia shared a hug with Lucky's wife as well but Fitz was just happy to give her a friendly wave.
They walked to the dining room together. The table was beautifully set for 4 people. Greg was in the kitchen plating the food. Fitz pulled out a chair for Olivia and once she sat down he easily pushed her in and then sat on the chair beside her. Lucky sat on the other side of the table and his wife sat beside him. Moments later Greg walked out with a tray of food. He placed a few large, share-size plates on the table with rosemary and salt focaccia bread, chimichurri, and colossal-sized grilled prawns. He also left a side of bacon-wrapped lobster bites with a spicy, sweet chili sauce on the side. It was one of Fitz's favorite appetizers.
Once he placed the plates down, he took their drink orders. Fitz wanted whiskey and coke, and Lucky wanted the same. Olivia was fine with the sparkling water on the table. Lucky's wife Theresa wanted ginger ale.
Typically they would hire extra hands for Greg when they had guests over for dinner but with the added attention and chaos of the media in the past few days, it wasn't feasible or comfortable to have a stranger in the home now.
Greg stepped away to get their drink.
"Where are Lily and the twins? Isn't it too early for them to sleep?" Lucky asked.
"Oh, Sonia is here, she's upstairs with my little princesses," Fitz answered.
"Alex was having a fit when we left. He wanted to play with the twins," Theresa said. "But we needed a night off."
"I totally understand," Olivia said.
Fitz was on his second bacon-wrapped lobster bite when he spoke. "How have you been healing?"
"I don't feel it that much anymore," Lucky said. "It itches like a motherfucker though."
Fitz laughed, "Oh yeah, that'll drive you nuts but I can't thank you enough- I'm just, more than grateful that you were able to get there in time to protect my Livie and that you've been so gracious about the whole thing after."
"Please, the check you gave me makes me grateful I got stabbed," Lucky said with a laugh. "It was worth it. I'd do it again. I just set up a trust fund for my son which isn't something I ever thought I'd be able to do."
"Well, hopefully, that never happens to you again," Olivia interjected.
They all shared a laugh.
"So how's the boy doing?" Lucky asked.
"Little Fitz is…quite the kicker these days," Olivia said.
"Number 4 huh?" Lucky said. "Are you stopping at four or will there be number 5 if all is well."
Fitz grinned and Olivia laughed and she finally reached for one of the grilled prawns and bit it.
"5 kids? I remember when you didn't want marriage or kids, he'd swear up and down that he wasn't interested…then he married you like 6 months after you got back together?"
"Guilty," Fitz said with a grin.
"And didn't you get her pregnant immediately?" Lucky teased.
"Guilty again," Fitz said. "And I'm proud of it if you can't tell."
"I can," Lucky said laughing.
"What was the story of how you two got together?" Theresa said.
"I don't think we've ever told that story," Olivia said.
"I'm his best friend- scratch that- I'm his only friend and I barely know."
Greg returned with drinks and after serving them he left.
Fitz took a sip of his whiskey and soda, "Okay," he said as he turned to Olivia. "We'll tell it together- although we'll have to censor some parts."
Olivia nodded in agreement with a smile.
"Well, I met Olivia around 7 years ago in the early summer, early June to be exact. The first time I saw her I was blown away-"
"Blown away?" Olivia asked, blushing.
"Livid actually, because you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and you were walking way too close to my father. I thought you were sleeping with him and that enraged me."
Olivia laughed. "Absolutely not."
"Well, that's what I thought. We didn't get along at first," Fitz said.
"He was a complete ass. So rude to me all the time."
"You told me I look like Zeus- worse actually," he fired back.
Lucky choked on a sip of his drink. Theresa laughed.
"Enemies to lovers," Olivia said. "It reads well in a novel but in actuality, it's fucking hell."
Fitz smiled, "We didn't get along initially and we'd have these intense back and forths, she'd roast my ass about something, I'd be a dick to her in return and this went on for weeks."
Olivia took a piece of bread and bit it, "until he randomly asked me out on a date."
"It was because she'd seen me on a mission and got scared of me and stopped talking to me."
"Really?" Theresa asked.
"I'm used to his….antics now but initially seeing him in all his gory glory was shocking so I kept my distance," Olivia said. "Until one morning he asked me to accompany him somewhere. He took me to this little glacial spring in Iceland. It was beautiful and against my better judgment I swam with him."
Fitz laughed, "At the time I told her I took her because I didn't want her to be afraid of me but I also just wanted to spend time with her away from everyone else. We had a great time, we talked, and swam together"
Olivia smiled. "For weeks later, we flirted and ribbed at each other until eventually, we had to do a test flight on a plane. Fitz piloted it and he decided to take me as his second."
"Fitz, you're a pilot?" Theresa asked. "That's so random."
He laughed, "It's the one thing I've loved since I was a kid."
"He's a great pilot," Olivia added, "he's great at everything really."
"Olivia tells everyone I'm great at everything when I can't do half of the shit a normal person could do."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Can't cook, I can't grill, I can't fix stuff in the house-"
"Babe, you can't do those things because you don't want to and you don't have to. You can cook, you make the best steaks."
He laughed, "I can make one or two things. That doesn't mean I can cook."
"Fine, you're great at everything you like to do."
"Get back to the story lovebirds," Lucky interjected playfully.
Fitz laughed, "I remember we came under heavy fire and crashed off the coast of an island in Indonesia. We crashed in water and were flung in different directions from the plane so we each had to swim to the island and had no idea where the other was."
"I swam for such a long time that I passed out on the shore. I woke up to a Komodo dragon hissing as it came at me."
"What the fuck is a Komodo dragon?" Lucky asked.
He pulled his phone from his pocket and googled it. "Oh fuck-really."
"Yes, I almost pissed myself. I managed to run away from it and climb into a tree only for there to be a snake beside me. I ran out and bumped into two of the people who shot our plane down. They overpowered me and forced me into the jungle- is guess you would call it. There were a lot of trees and animals. As I was walking I stepped on a snake and it hissed at me and I screamed."
"That's when I heard her, I thought she was being hurt so I sprinted to find her with the two people," Fitz said.
"Once he saved me we went back to the shore."
"You're skipping over the saving part," Lucky said.
Olivia chuckled.
"I killed one and shot the other in the knees and left him in the woods, hoping if there were any animals big enough to try to attack him or eat him they would find him and I'd know what was out there."
"And did you?" Lucky asked.
"A black panther came for him, bit him up while he was alive."
"How is this real? I would think you're lying but knowing what I know it's fucking true."
"Trust me, I wish half of the shit we've been through wasn't true but it is," Fitz said.
"What happened next?" Theresa asked.
"I was relieved he'd found me. I finally felt safe but then when the leopard began attacking the man, he obviously had to go check what was attacking him because at the time we didn't know it was a leopard, and I was furious."
"It led to a fight," Fitz said. "But eventually we made up."."
"That's an understatement," Olivia said. "We had a big blow-up fight and I left. He had a little tent made from tree branches and leaves, he had fruit and a fire but I was so angry that I still left."
"Yeah, she took everything I taught her and did it for herself. I was furious she didn't need me…which admittedly was very immature."
Olivia laughed, "I enjoyed pissing him off. In my attempt to piss him off as much as possible, I hid from him. Eventually, I needed to bathe and went to this jaw-droppingly beautiful lagoon we would wash off in. The water was clear and blue, it glowed almost and it was surrounded by mossy rocks and a waterfall. I went there in the morning, trying to wash off before he came and as I was there, I think it was the same leopard that ate the man, it came to the lagoon to drink water. I was so scared, I completely froze…I mean it could have mauled me right there and I probably wouldn't have moved," Olivia said.
"Luckily, I expected her to go to the lagoon so I was up in some tree branches, watching her, I'd been there before she even came-"
"Like a creep," Lucky ribbed.
"Duh-" Fitz admitted playfully. "Anyways I had a spear and I jumped down and was able to chase it away from her and kill it."
"In the process, he got a really bad scratch on his chest…it was really bad and bleeding and burning…" Olivia said.
"It was nothing," Fitz said.
"Anyways, that night we conceived our first baby girl," Olivia said with a blushing grin.
Lucky and Theresa burst into laughter.
"Two hot people stuck alone on a beautiful island, what else is there to do?"
"That sounds about right," Lucky said. "Did you want a girl?"
"Oh god, I wanted a daughter more than anything. I was a wreck as I waited to find out Lily's sex and when I was told she was a girl, I cried tears of joy."
"I was happy when I found out we were having a daughter- I honestly hadn't thought too much about the sex at all."
"I remember when you came to L. A. with Olivia for the weekend you'd said your chest was scratched up," Lucky said. "I don't know what I thought you were talking about but definitely not a fucking black panther."
Fitz nodded with a laugh as he ate more bacon-wrapped lobster.
The group of them began eating again. Greg had been checking in on them periodically, keeping their entree warm until they were finished with the appetizers and he brought out the beef Wellington with a mushroom jus and a side of creamy potatoes.
"So what about you two, any more babies on the horizon?" Olivia asked.
"We're thinking of giving Alex a little sister but Theresa is overwhelmed with just Alex so she's gonna need a little more convincing," Lucky said. "They're gonna test Alex for autism, his school recommended it."
"Oh- that young, he's in pre-k, isn't he? Just as the twins would be if they were in school."
Theresa nodded, "we just need to get some help dealing with his behavior. I think it's better to get it now than later."
"You're absolutely right," Olivia said.
"I love my son you know, more than anything but he's a handful so as Lucky said. I always thought I'd have a lot of kids but I think I might just have to focus on Alex for right now. I can't throw another kid into the mix just yet," Theresa said. "Some days it's really hard."
"I think he'll grow out of it," Lucky said. "Sometimes you just have to make the jump. Look at you Fitz, you didn't want any then you had one and now you're on your way to five."
Fitz shook his head and laughed, "Lily was born and I just fell in love with her. She was perfect and by the time she'd turn about 3 months old I was asking Olivia for another baby. I surprised myself."
Olivia smiled, "I told him to wait, obviously, I wanted to focus on Lily for the first year or so of her life. A little after she turned one we discussed conceiving again and then I got pregnant with the twins…accidentally on purpose."
"That's the perfect way to put it," Fitz said with a chuckle. "Accidentally on purpose."
They continued to eat and drink and talk. After dinner they went out to the pool to sit on the chaise lounge chairs on the deck. The view of L.A. was in the distance. Theresa pulled out a pack of cards from her purse and smiled. "Okay, I bought this game for couples. I heard it's fun and apparently a little spicy."
Olivia smiled. "I'm all in. Fitz is too, whether he wants to or not." she said.
Lucky laughed. "Olivia is the best thing that ever happened to you."
Fitz laughed and took a sip of his drink, "yes!"
Theresa opened the back of cards and placed them on the table between them with. "So the rules are that we take turns pulling the cards from the deck. You have to answer truthfully, you can't pass or skip and if you don't know, you lose a point but you two are loaded so fuck that, we'll play for money. Obviously, each couple is a team so whoever has the card can ask either person in the other couple. I'll keep score. Each point is $100."
Olivia laughed. "That sounds fun. I'm ready."
"Okay, you pull first."
Olivia nodded as she reached for the card but Fitz reached for it for her and gave it to her.
"Thank you darling," she said as she turned the card over to see it. They played a few rounds before they called it a night. Lucky and Theresa headed home, Olivia and Fitz headed back up to the kids rooms to kiss them goodnight though they were already sleeping. Then they headed to their room for the night.
The next afternoon.
Olivia sat in the front seat of the car beside Fitz as he moved through the McDonald's drive-thru line in their silver Porsche. He cleared his throat before getting ready to order, he knew his and the kids' orders by heart.
"Let me have..uh..three kids meals with cheeseburgers and fries and just add 4 piece nuggets and barbecue sauce in each one…don't forget the toy and instead of apple juice, give me small grape sodas."
"Fitz!" Olivia complained. "Sodas? Come on."
"Olivia please be cool for just one minute…god."
She groaned but couldn't help but laugh.
"Did you get that?" he asked.
"Yes sir, anything else?"
"Yeah, give me 2 triple cheeseburgers, 2 large fries and a large Sprite, 10-piece nuggets with barbeque sauce, and two apple pies. I want the fries piping hot."
He turned to Olivia, "last chance to get anything."
"Absolutely not."
"Suit yourself, Angel," he said with a smile.
"Anything else sir?" The worker asked through the mic.
"That's it," Fitz said.
"Okay, pull up to the next window."
Fitz pulled up to the next window. When the lady at the window saw him her mouth fell open as she recognized him. "Oh get over it," he groaned as he handed her his credit card. The woman closed her mouth and took his credit card, ran the purchase through quickly then handed him his card and receipt. Moments later she handed him a large brown, yellow, and red paper bag filled with food then a juice tray with 3 small and 1 large soda cup. "We added some extras in there for you," she said.
"You know what?" He said. "I like you. Thanks."
She blushed and smiled shyly, "Umm…thanks."
"Lemme give you a tip," he said and he grabbed his wallet resting on his lap, pulled out a few 100 dollar bills, and handed them to her.
"Wow- thank you."
Fitz nodded and placed the food on his lap and rolled up his window before he drove off. Guard cars and marine sentries and secret service moved behind him from where they parked in the lot.
Olivia took the bag from his lap because it was resting on the drinks and bound to fall off. Fitz called Lily's iPad from his car system. It rang and they drove. The smell of fries began to make Olivia hungry and she immediately gave in and reached into the bag and began eating the fries.
"Look at you," Fitz teased.
"I'm pregnant alright," she said as she stuffed fries in her mouth. "These are so hot and salty and crispy. They're perfect."
Fitz gasped. "You're a McDonald's fan now?"
"No, I'm just hungry and pregnant and craving salty, hot, chips. Don't hold it against me."
"They're called fries," Fitz teased.
Lily finally answered her iPad, "Daddy, where are you?"
"Your mother is eating all the fries I got you from McDonald's," Fitz said. "Tell you sisters too."
"Mommy no-" Lily bellowed.
"God Fitz you are so bloody annoying," Olivia said.
"And you're beautiful. You're stunning actually!" Fitz laughed heartily before he hung up on Lily. He headed toward the foot of the hills. "Feed me some fries baby," he said.
Olivia took a handful of fries and put them in his mouth. She continued to feed herself and him as they drove home. When they pulled into the yard, Lily and the twins were standing by the front door. Sonia was a few feet behind them.
When Fitz parked Lily, Isabella and Daisy sprinted to the car. Olivia stepped out, holding her belly.
"Mommy please tell me you didn't eat all of my happy meal?" Lily said frantically.
"Yeah Mommy, I'm not gonna be your friend if you ate it," Daisy added.
Olivia laughed, "Daddy was being a troublemaker when he said that. I wouldn't dare eat all your food."
Fitz stepped out of the other side holding three boxes of happy meals in his hands. "Come on girls," Fitz said.
They ran over to his side of the car and he gave them the boxes one at a time as they screamed and jumped happily. He smiled as he watched them then took the rest of his food from the seat. "Let's eat!" he said with a grin.
They headed towards the house, and when Olivia approached Sonia hugged her.
"How was the doctor's appointment," she asked Olivia.
"Little Fitz is huge- I think his fetal weight is like the 90th percentile and it's making me a little nervous."
Sonia chuckled at her words, "Look at the giant man you call a husband, did you think your son would be tiny."
"Hey," Fitz complained.
"I was hoping," Olivia said with a pout. "At least until I get him out of me then he can get as fat and squishy as he wants."
They headed to the kitchen and the girls and Fitz sat on the island and began eating their McDonalds. Greg was out at the market so Olivia helped herself to some fruit already cut up in the fridge. She joined them by the island after she gathered her strawberries and blueberries and sat beside Fitz on the stool he pulled out for her.
Once they finished eating all three girls were lethargic and ready for an afternoon nap.
Lily leaned over on the counter. "Daddy I want to sleep."
"Me too," Isabella said with a yawn.
"Me too," Daisy said.
"Let me take you up," Sonia offered.
Fitz chuckled. "It's alright Sonia, I got it. Say goodbye to Mommy and climb up," he said as he stood.
All three girls hopped off their seats with a sudden burst of energy and ran to Olivia. She stood from her chair and stooped slowly and kissed and hugged each of her girls before Fitz stooped lower and allowed them to climb into his arms. Once he secured them in his arms he stood. "I'll be right back, Livie," he said as he headed off to the grand staircase, carrying his three daughters in his arms. They laughed as their legs flailed.
After Fitz read the girls a story, he put them down for a nap. Their rooms, mostly Lily's, were filled with balloons and gifts from their party that passed. He went back to Olivia who had moved to the den. When he found her she was sitting on the sofa by the window.
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah, did my babies go down alright?" she said as she stood.
He nodded, "they were really tired."
He walked to her and kissed her lips lightly before he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her as he held her close. Olivia inhaled his scent and enjoyed feeling his warmth and his strong arms around her. "Don't feel forced to do anything because of me, okay? Just do what feels right when you see her."
Olivia nodded as Fitz let her go, leaned down and kissed her belly. She was 24 weeks pregnant and her belly was very round and beginning to get heavy. They headed down to the panic room together. It had been a month since Erin was isolated to withdraw. Guards had brought her groceries weekly and not much else.
It was not a good way to go through withdrawal but they didn't trust her to go to a rehab facility and after what she'd done to the girls, Olivia wasn't interested in giving her any more consideration.
When they reached the door, Fitz entered the security code and the door decompressed and opened. Olivia attempted to walk in but Fitz stopped her.
"Let me go first just in case," he said.
Olivia nodded and allowed him to enter before her. She stepped in after him and looked around but didn't see Erin in the living room or open kitchen.
"Erin?" she called out. There was no response. "Erin?" she called again moments later.
She walked towards the rooms with Fitz in tow and as she approached she smelled the sweet, pungent smell. Fitz knew the smell well and grabbed her arm to stop her then turned around.
"What is it?" Olivia asked. She smelled it as well. He walked her back out of the door but as the moments passed Olivia realized what it could possibly be.
"Just wait here and let me see what's going on, okay?"
Olivia nodded as he turned and walked back through the open kitchen and living room, he headed down the hallways and she could no longer see him. As Fitz approached the bathroom, the smell became stronger. He held his breath and walked inside. There was Erin, lying lifeless and pale in a tub of blood and water. Based on her smell it had to have been days since she was dead. He walked closer to her in the tub. The dull red bloody water was up to her neck. There was a butter knife with dried blood on the edge. He'd only left a butter knife in the panic room with Erin out of caution that if he left anything more dangerous she would harm herself to help be released. As he looked close he felt she'd somehow sharpened a dull butter knife to a blade that was able to cut somewhere on her body, he assumed her wrist since as he looked down her neck was free of any cuts or bruises. She was naked, lying slouched with her eyes closed with blue lips.
The sweet, putrid smell became overpowering and when he could no longer hold his breath he walked out to Olivia. She was standing where he left her by the outer door but the blank expression told him she knew exactly what happened.
He walked to her, pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Olivia closed her eyes. She couldn't help the tears that came because as angry as she was at Erin for her betrayal and as much as she tried to harden her heart against her, she was still her sister and now she was gone.
"How did it happen?" she asked quietly, tearfully.
"I think she slit her wrists," Fitz said as he caressed her hair, gently stroking the back of her head. "She's in the tub."
A sob escaped her but she tried to quiet herself. "Baby, it's okay to cry," Fitz said softly.
Her feelings were so complicated. She loved Erin but hated what she'd become, just weeks ago she was okay with her death but now, it felt like a loss. Most of all, she mourned just how short and tragic her life was.
Fitz held her for a moment until her crying subsided. "Come on," he said as he gently led her up the hallway, "why don't you lay down and I'll take care of this."
Olivia nodded as they headed back up to their bedroom. She didn't see Sonia on her way back but they heard Greg in the kitchen as they passed through to the stairway. When they got to their bedroom Fitz pulled back the sheet for her but she stopped him. "I want to wash off first…I feel gross and I'm still smelling her."
He nodded and they moved to the bathroom. He gauged the faucet for her as she undressed then he sat on the vanity counter as she took a shower then stepped out. He loved seeing the curve of her naked belly and for a moment he smiled as it distracted him from everything else. She grabbed her robe and slipped it on and Fitz regained himself and moved from the vanity. He grabbed her clothes from the floor and tossed them in the laundry basket in the closet.
"Thank you," Olivia said.
He nodded as they headed out to their bedroom. She climbed into bed and Fitz pulled the covers up to her shoulders before he kissed her against her hair tenderly.
"Text me or call me if you need anything. I wanna try to take care of this before the girls wake up…which should be in about an hour."
Olivia nodded.
Fitz headed out quickly. She lay staring at the ceiling, trying to reconcile her feelings of anger and betrayal at what Erin had done with Mellie along with her love for her sister.
She fell asleep until she felt someone beside her and when she opened her eyes it was Lily, hugging a small teddy bear.
"Darling, are you okay?" Olivia said as she sat up.
Lily nodded.
Daisy and Isabelle walked in moments later.
"Mommy, are you sleeping?" Isabelle asked.
"I was sleeping," Olivia said, "but I'm awake now."
Lily rubbed Olivia's belly over the blanket, "can I see the baby mommy?" Lily asked.
Olivia nodded and smiled as she moved the blanket and lifted her shirt. Daisy and Isabelle were not yet by the bed.
"Your belly is so fat," Daisy said with a chuckle.
"Yes, well your little brother is in there," Olivia said. "Did you just wake from your nap?"
All three of them nodded.
"Mommy, I wanna lay down beside you," Lily said.
Olivia nodded and scooted over to allow Lily to sit beside her and moments later Fitz was walking past the door but turned inside when he realized his three daughters were awake and in their bedroom with Olivia.
"I was just coming up to check on all four of you," Fitz said.
"Perfect timing," Olivia said with a smile.
Fitz reached the bed, "All alright girls, why don't I take you downstairs so we can let Mommy rest."
"It's okay Fitz," Olivia said.
He smiled slightly though he wasn't convinced.
"We want to stay with mommy," Lily said.
Daisy nodded as did Isabelle.
Fitz moved closer to Olivia, "don't fight me on this," he whispered playfully.
Olivia sighed, "I really am okay, I swear."
"You can come out of mom mode for a few hours to just breathe baby, I promise they won't be scarred emotionally."
She attempted to respond but he gave her a peck on the lips and only stood and led the girls out of the room. "I'll be back to check on you in a bit, angel," he called over his shoulders.
"Why do you call mommy angel all the time, that's not her name," Lily began asking as they walked out the door.
Olivia smiled as she heard the question.
"Because she's beautiful and perfect like an Angel," Fitz answered. "Duh."
Lily laughed, as did Daisy and Isabelle as they moved away Olivia could no longer hear them. She pulled the sheets back up to her shoulders and turned on her side to relax. Though she wouldn't have minded keeping the girls with her, it felt good that Fitz took them to give her some much-needed time to process Erin's death. It was even better that she could step back and not have to deal with the fallout from her death, such as taking care of the body and all the other things that came with having to report a dead body. She couldn't even begin to think about a funeral service or if she was even supposed to contact Erin's wife. She knew they fell out and were probably still legally married and this was just another layer of complexity that they had to deal with.
She wasn't sure when she fell asleep once again until she felt a gentle tap on her. When she opened her eyes it was Fitz kneeling beside her and gently caressing her cheek.
"Hey Angel," he said. She blinked away sleep and as she tried to sit up, Fitz wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up until she was sitting up.
"What time is it?" she asked.
"It's late. You haven't eaten since lunch and you barely had anything so I had to wake you up,"
She nodded as she stretched. "Where are the girls?"
"They're sleeping. It's almost 10:30."
"Oh,"
His hair was wet and he was dressed in pajama pants with no shirt.
"What did Greg make?"
"Coq au vin," Fitz said.
"I'm not hungry for that," she said.
Fitz stood and Olivia stood as well. "Okay well I'll just get you something else," Fitz said as they headed downstairs together.
"When did the girls go to bed?" she asked.
"Around 9," he said. "The girls had mac and cheese instead of the coq au vin and they ate so much of it, I was shocked."
"Did he make that 4 cheese-baked one with the crispy top I like?"
Fitz nodded.
Olivia smiled, "I'll eat that but I still need meat."
"I'll fry you up a steak. How does that sound?"
"Perfect," she said.
When they reached the kitchen Olivia sat at the island as Fitz walked into the panty, to the dry aging machine that had prime cuts of steak. He took out a thick filet mignon cut and brought it out to the kitchen. He grabbed a pot from the pot storage and placed it to heat on the stove.
She loved watching him move around the kitchen, beautiful and shirtless.
He took some of the ghee Greg had stored to fry the steaks in. Olivia watched as he prepped the steak and seasoned it with salt before pan-frying it and reverse-seasoning it with smoked paprika and chile powder. Once he left the steak to rest he warmed some of the mac and cheese Greg prepared and sliced her steak thinly for her before he plated it all and placed it in front of her with a glass of sparkling water.
Olivia smiled, "this smells absolutely delicious. Thank you for making it for me."
Fitz smiled, "I was more than happy to make the one thing I'm good at making for you."
She laughed before he stuck her in a slice of her perfectly cooked medium-rare steak. It was delicious. It melted in her mouth and the flavor was exquisite.
"I think you make it better than Greg," Olivia said.
"You only think that because I have sex with you," he teased.
"No, I swear-"
"I swear," he teased lightly again.
Olivia laughed as she continued to chew. She ate a few more slices of steak before she drank some water.
"What happened today…you know…after I went to lay down."
"I called a sheriff and had him quietly bring a team to come for her body."
Olivia was surprised.
"The only way to bury her properly, along with everything else that needed to be done was to involve them. She's at the morgue now and I had my assistant get in touch with a funeral director to handle everything else."
Olivia nodded, "Thanks for taking care of everything today. I don't know how I would've managed. I didn't expect this and I still don't know how to feel about it."
Fitz moved from the other side of the island and stood beside her and caressed her hair
"She left a letter," Fitz said.
"Did you read it?"
"It wasn't addressed to me," he said.
"Would you read it and let me know if I'll be traumatized at the end of it," she said playfully.
"If that's what you want then of course. How are we going to tell the kids?"
"I don't know if I want to tell them, I don't know if I want to have a funeral…I just don't know."
"Well, take as much time as you need," Fitz said. "Her body is being taken care of, I got a team to clean out the panic room tomorrow. The only thing you really have to take care of is deciding on her funeral and that's only if you decide to have a funeral at all."
"Did the sheriff want to investigate?"
He chuckled humorlessly, "No, there are entirely different rules at play here."
She nodded, "I'm feeling a bit full now." She's eaten all of her steak and almost half of her mac and cheese. Fitz took the plate and dumped the food in the sink garbage disposal and turned it on before he left the plates and everything else he used in the sink. Greg and Linda would clean up in the morning. They headed back upstairs and brushed their teeth before they moved into bed. She laid on his chest and threw her leg over his. He reached his hand over and rubbed her belly.
"I love you," Fitz whispered. "Try to get some more rest."
"I love you too," Olivia responded. "Thank you again for today."
Fitz chuckled and he turned over to his side so he could see her. "Please Olivia, I'd peel the skin off my back and make you wear it like a coat to keep you warm, today was nothing."
Olivia laughed softly, "I love it when you get all extreme in your declarations of love for me."
"Oh yeah."
"Yes, say more extreme things you've done for me," she said.
"I love you so much I fought a leopard for you and got a damn paw print scratched into my chest."
"True," Olivia said with a smile. "Tell me more,"
"I got trapped in a basement in the Russian wilderness with a bullet in my arm for you."
"Yes…I remember that too well."
"And then I got brain damage from falling out of a plane, trying to kill the people who hurt you."
Olivia nodded but when he didn't hear a response he knew why. He hugged her tighter. She finally let out a breath and sniffled as he held her. She wiped her eyes and a moment later she remembered Erin had left a suicide note.
"Can I read the letter? Do you have it?"
"Yes, it's right here," he said as he leaned up and reached into the nightstand. He took the letter and turned on the lamp with his touch.
Olivia sat up and wiped her eyes once again before taking the letter. It was folded into thirds. She unfolded it and began reading.
Dear Olivia
I hope you aren't the one that finds me and I don't know if you'll be sad or relieved you don't have to deal with me anymore. I can't blame you and I'm really sorry that it got to this. Now that I'm clean and stuck in this panic room, I'm forced to realize just how fucked up it was that I could even think or try to justify doing something that could hurt Lily like that just because I was high and angry and wanted to lash out and hurt you. You're the only person I've felt safe with in my entire life, the only person who gave a shit about me and gave me things and wanted nothing in return. We got off to a rough start but meeting you changed my life for the better. After a while, it was easy to forget about all of the fucked up things I'd been through when I was living large and traveling to a different country every weekend, partying and eating the best food imaginable, wearing the best clothes, and doing things I never dreamed I'd ever do. You made that all possible and I'm sorry that I fucked it up. The truth is, money and clothes and all those things don't really change the really hard shit you have to go through, they just distract you from them. After the partying and traveling got less exciting I started remembering and thinking about all the horrible shit that I try to forget. That was when I started using it again. I wish I never had. It was always a struggle wanting to be alive. I always felt like there was not a person in the world who loved me or cared about me until you. I wish I had the strength to come out of this and fight for your forgiveness and my sobriety but all I want to do when I leave here is get high. Thinking about how hard it will be to not do that while also feeling disgusted with myself that I even want that, even after I hurt you and my niece is killing me. It's easier to end it so I'm going to. I know some part of you is gonna blame Fitz for getting me high but I was always high, what he did changed nothing but forced me to admit that I'd been using all along and and to say fuck it and stop hiding it. I'm sorry I was so angry and you…and him, it was just me projecting and avoiding dealing with my issues. I love you and thanks for looking out for me and taking care of me for as long as you did. I love Lily and Daisy and Izzy and the newest baby boy or girl you're carrying. Please don't tell them about any of this, I don't want them to remember me for hurting them or killing myself. Also, I'm sorry for kicking you in the belly- I was out of my fucking mind and I can't believe I did that…or any of the other horrible shit I've done. I love you twin and I'm sorry for all of this. By the way, you don't have to have a funeral if you don't want to, you can just cremate me or honestly, if you're angry enough you might not even claim my body at the morgue. I'm assuming you'll even care that I'm dead but I know when you love someone you really love them so I'm hoping you'll care but if you don't I understand that too. I know how much Fitz leaving you that letter in case he died helped you to be strong so I'm doing the same here and hoping this will help you.
P.S.: My thoughts are a little scrambled so I'm sorry if this is all over the place.
Love Erin.
The letter was littered with ink smudges from drops of dried tears. Thinking of the fact that as Erin wrote the letter she was obviously hurting and crying made her stomach ache with sorrow and grief. Fitz watched as sniffles turned to crying and then sobs. She dropped her head against his chest and allowed him to hold her as she cried. She almost wished Erin hadn't written the letter. If she hadn't, she could've hated her but now all she felt was love for her sister and sorrow at how her life ended. She knew what it felt like to be low and feel unloved and unwanted but she had learned to love herself again, Erin never could.
In the morning when Fitz woke Olivia was still cuddled with him. He sat up and gently moved from under her body and put a pillow in his place. The letter that was crumpled underneath her he took so it wouldn't rip as she moved around. He was tempted to read it but decided against it. He kissed Olivia against her hair and walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth and freshen up.
It was early morning, just after 7AM.
When he was finished in the bathroom and stepped out Olivia was sitting up in the bed.
"Hey Livie," he said as he walked over to her and sat on the bed.
She smiled.
"You're feeling better?"
"I'm trying to," she said as she leaned up and kissed him. Fitz wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly as they shared a soft kiss.
"Did the letter make you feel better or worse?" he asked after he broke the kiss.
"Both," she said with a chuckle. She reached over to the nightstand and handed it to him. "Do you want to read it?"
He nodded as he took it and read through it.
"Whenever you're ready we can talk about her, but don't rush, take your time to figure out how you're feeling."
She smiled, "you always know exactly what to say."
She leaned back against the pillow and Fitz leaned over and kissed and caressed her belly. "He needs to hurry up and get here."
Olivia ran her hands through Fitz's hair. "He needs to cook for as long as possible."
He groaned and kissed her belly, "unfortunately yes but waiting is killing me."
"ouuu-" Olivia said with a chuckle, "he just kicked."
"Hey, little boy, don't kick my wife," Fitz said as he kissed her belly again and massaged it.
Olivia laughed, grabbed his cheek and pulled his face up to hers as she gazed into his gorgeous blue eyes. He returned the gaze, staring into her gorgeous, sultry brown eyes. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him and she moved him on top of her. He moved his hands underneath him, leaning on her body but careful not to rest his weight on her. Once he was hovering over her she moved her hand from his cheek and reached into his pajama pants and grabbed his stiffening erection. He groaned in pleasure as he broke the kiss from her lips and moved the crook of her neck. She bit her lip when she felt his lips and tongue, sucking and kissing her tender spot.
She let out a moan and just a moment later Fitz leaned up, flushed with lust and trying to contain his excitement.
"Is this what you want?"
"I want this," she responded breathlessly as she pulled him back against her lips. He broke the kiss a moment later to pull her shirt off and once he got it off he moved down and pulled her panties off. As he pulled her panties off she reached down to push his pajama pants off but couldn't do it with her belly in the way. When he took off her panties and moved on top of her to kiss she could barely feel his body with her belly between them.
"My stupid belly is in the way," she blurted out, frustrated that she couldn't feel his muscular abs pressed against her breasts and torso the way she liked.
"Shh, she didn't mean that," he whispered to her belly.
She smiled at first but soon after she broke into a laugh. "I can't take you seriously," she said in between laughs.
"What? He can hear you," Fitz complained.
"No, he can't, not yet anyway," she said.
Fitz laughed and kissed her. "Well, I didn't want his feelings to be hurt."
Olivia shook her head and laughed. "I love you so much," she said as she pulled his lips to hers. Once he joined the kiss, he slipped his tongue into her mouth and deepened the kiss for a moment before he continued kissing down her neck then he moved down to her breasts and kissed a line down her belly. She smiled and bit her lips as she looked down and watched him pepper kisses down her round belly. He grabbed her thighs and opened her legs around his face before he leaned lower and slid his tongue between her lips. She was dripping wet.
He moved his tongue from her hole to her clit and then back up again as pressed his face deeper between her legs. She curled her toes and stiffened just a bit as she wrapped her fingers in his hair and enjoyed his tongue kiss against her clit until suddenly he leaned up and spun her around.
She was more than aroused as she got on all fours in front of Fitz and waited just a moment as he positioned himself behind her and held his shaft as he slowly slid into her. After the immediate rush of pleasure he felt from his penis inside her she felt him hold her against his chest, squeezing her breasts and nipples as he began to ride her from behind. The friction between them was sweet and even sweeter for him was the grip she had on his shaft. She was wet and warm and felt perfect every time he was inside her.
It took mere moments before she was on the edge. She loved their foreplay but he turned her on so much that she couldn't last once they actually moved on to penetration and the feeling of his thick cock moving in and out of her, stretching and massaging her walls soon quickly brought her to a shuddering, mumbling orgasm on his cock. She turned her head to him for a kiss and he quickly obliged, kissing her hungrily and riding her through her climax.
He didn't stop as she came on his cock because only a minute later he came as well.
A moment passed.
When he caught his breath, he slowly pulled out though he kept his arms wrapped around her, cuddling her belly and breasts as she both laid down on the bed. "I have a little thing set up for you today," he said as he stretched and pressed his body behind her.
Olivia smiled at the acknowledgment of how well he knew her. She loved feeling him close to her and he knew her so well she didn't have to ask. "What is it?"
"Just wait and see," he said.
"No, tell me."
"No. What time is the therapist coming today?"
"At 1, I think," Olivia said.
"Oh- also, I've been thinking that I want to take the girls to Disneyland in Anaheim. I think they'll love it."
"They'd absolutely love it," Olivia said. "But how would that work with all the extra attention."
"I'll wait for it to die down. I don't know if I should rent out the park. It might be a little weird for them to be in an entire theme park with not another kid in sight."
"I think once we have some handlers and guards, we should be fine. Other children being there is a part of the experience."
"We? You'd come?"
"Of course, I would. Why wouldn't I?"
"You're pregnant and I didn't think walking about a large park would interest you."
"Well, it does! They loved the fair in Monterrey, I can't imagine how much they'll love Disneyland."
"I'll have my assistant get it together. Lily's gonna lose her mind," he said with a chuckle. "Don't tell them. I want to surprise them."
"I won't," Olivia said with a smile.
She sat up from their cuddled position. She was nude and the sight of her body made Fitz smile. He sat up as well and kissed her belly.
"Your body is stunning…absolutely gorgeous," he said with a smile as he rubbed her belly and then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back down to the bed. She laughed and he held her and kissed her all over.
"What's my surprise?" she asked.
"It's just a little gesture. I'm not telling you."
"Your gestures aren't that little. Your anniversary surprise was a stadium full of strangers chanting my name so I'm not sure what to expect."
Fitz laughed, "This is nothing compared to that so lower your expectations big time."
Olivia groaned, "Just tell me."
"Fine…I hired a massage therapist to be on call for the rest of your pregnancy. It took a while because we had to get a special kind of table with a hole in the bottom so you could lie on your belly. She should be here at 11."
Olivia smiled, "really, you hired a masseuse?"
"You've been complaining about your back right…little Fitz is getting heavy."
She blushed and kissed him. "Why didn't I think of this? It's bloody brilliant- thank you."
"Yes, well I am making myself useful," he said with a smirk. "For more than just leaving you with a fat cream pie."
She laughed and rolled her eyes, "Let's not discount that because it's very important."
He laughed and kissed her before he stood and stretched.
"I'm gonna take a shower…are you going to join me?"
Olivia nodded. He took her by the hands and pulled her up then they walked to the bathroom together and showered to begin their day.
Once they were dressed they walked and stepped out of the bathroom they both found Lily sitting on their bed.
Olivia smiled as she sat beside her and hugged and kissed Lily. "Good morning my little Lily flower."
Lily laughed, "Good morning Angel."
Olivia chuckled, "what?"
Fitz smiled quietly amused.
"Are you calling me Angel because that's what Daddy calls me?"
Lily nodded.
Olivia chuckled, "Darling, I love it when you call me mummy because it reminds me how happy I am that I am your mummy."
"But daddy calls you Angel so I want to call you Angel."
Fitz laughed.
"You're not helping," Olivia complained. "Lily I really prefer if you call me mummy."
"What about Mommy Angel?" Lily said.
"Alright," Olivia agreed reluctantly.
Lily smiled and stood from the bed. "Can we wake up Daisy and Izzy?"
Fitz nodded with a grin, still amused by Lily's determination to call Olivia by his nickname. He walked out with Lily and Olivia followed behind them. Once they got the girls ready for the day and headed downstairs Greg was already getting breakfast ready for the group of them. Breakfast consisted of French toast with whipped mascarpone and berries. There was a side of bacon and sausages for Fitz because he loved having breakfast with a protein option. They ate together until Sonia walked inside at 9am.
Olivia still hadn't decided how or even who to tell about Erin's passing. She wanted to give herself time to tackle it all and she was hoping meeting with the therapist would help her to process it all and figure out how to move forward.
She was happy to spend her morning with the girls and Fitz in the playroom. They had decided on painting and drawing and as usual, it turned into hilariously cute chaos as Fitz started his antics. By 11am her massage therapist had arrived. After the woman set up a workspace in the den, Olivia went down to meet her. The woman was dressed in black leggings and a tank top. She was friendly and wore a smile as Olivia approached her.
"Hi Olivia, I'm Tinka," she said.
"Hi," Olivia said as reached out and shook her hand. "Can you tell me a little about yourself…I think you may have only communicated with my husband's assistant."
The woman nodded, "I'm a massage therapist, I specialize in working with pregnant and postnatal women. I typically work on swollen feet and legs, upper and lower back pain, abdominal massages, and anything in between. I've been doing this for 10 years now and I love it."
"Great, my back has been really strained with my belly getting so heavy, my feet hurt too when I stand too long though they aren't swollen or anything. Hopefully, this helps, how often are you here?"
"Your husband hired me for 8 hours daily, 5 days a week and I'm on call the other two days."
"That's perfect, although I doubt I'll call you in on your days off," Olivia said.
"Thanks but feel free to call me, I'm happy to come," the woman said. "If you are ready you can undress and we can get started.
Olivia nodded and did as told. The woman helped her to climb onto the table and then covered her bottom with a white towel. She began to drip oil all over her body and massage her.
After sitting with the girls for their 1-hour therapy session Fitz brought them to Sonia before he went to the den where Olivia had her massage. She was just getting dressed after finishing her massage.
She grinned when she saw him and walked to him and wrapped her arms around his waist as she kissed him.
"I'm guessing it was good?" He asked with a grin.
"Darling, it was perfect. I needed it badly."
"Yeah?"
Olivia nodded as she kissed him. Fitz wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly before they headed back up to see their therapist together.
She was already waiting for them when they arrived and sat on the couch opposite her.
"Good afternoon," said. "It's nice to see you again."
"It's lovely to see you too, dr. Nandi," Olivia responded with a smile.
Once they were all settled dr. Nandi began.
"What happened this week? Let's go through it."
"My twin sister committed suicide," Olivia said after a moment. "I found out yesterday."
"Wow." There was some silence. "Are you ready to talk about it?"
Olivia nodded.
"Can you describe how you feel?...do you even know what you feel? It might be a few things at once and that's okay."
Olivia nodded, "There's grief, there's anger, there's love…there's regret. I feel a lot. I don't know if a part of that is from being pregnant and very hormonal and emotional…I just don't know."
"Why do you question grieving your sister? It seems like you don't think her death should make you emotional?"
"She caused a lot of problems before she passed. She helped orchestrate that break into our home to have our daughter taken. She did it out of misplaced anger and addiction and if she'd just done it to me then I could forgive her easily but she did it to Lily and the twins got hurt as well-"
Fitz groaned in response.
"Fitz, you're obviously displeased. What did she say that annoyed you?" dr. Nandi asked.
"She didn't annoy me but rationalizing that her being hurt is forgivable but the children aren't…kinda annoys me," he conceded. "Neither are okay."
Olivia rolled her eyes, "he says that but he'll leap in front of a tiger if it was coming at me or the kids- that's not hyperbole."
"That's different-"
"It's not really different," Olivia countered.
Dr. Nandi shook her head. "Back to your sister, apart from harming your children and you, what else has she done?"
"She's apologized for it all, I just have to add that, she wrote a suicide note and she apologized for everything she's done. I want to hate her and I want to be angry but I know how hard she's had it and I know how much she's struggled…with addiction especially. Even with all that, I woke up today and I felt…okay…mostly because of the note she wrote me. It helped a lot but also because I feel like I'm betraying my daughters by sitting and crying over someone who hurt them so badly they needed therapy."
"So on one hand, her note gave you closure, and on the other even if it didn't or even if there's some residual grief you don't feel like you have internal permission to express it."
"Yes, that's precisely the problem," Olivia said.
"You're daughters won't know you grieved your sister. If you tell them now, they won't care or understand. If you tell them in 20 years they will understand but probably won't care."
"I understand, truly I do but it doesn't change how I feel. I think about how unloved she must have felt-" Olivia said as her voice broke and she stopped speaking trying to hold back tears with a sad smile.
"It must really hurt you, doesn't it, you can't even talk about her," Dr. Nandi said. "Have you talked about her today? At all."
Olivia took a deep breath, "I went to sleep thinking about what she wrote in the letter and it gave me a lot of closure. When I woke up, I felt good but the moment I started to feel my mind wandering back to her death and her pain I tried to distract myself…" She turned to look at Fitz. He reached out and caressed her hair to encourage her to continue. "...by making love to my husband- and obviously in true Fitz fashion he sort of sensed I was trying to distract myself so he wanted to make sure I really wanted it and I did."
"Did it help?"
Olivia nodded, "It totally took it from my mind for a while, after sex, we took a bath together, it was nice and calming and intimate…and once that was over our children were awake and needed our attention. After that, I thought about her here and there but I always tried to push it away until I went for my massage and I had no choice but to lay down and think about it…even then I didn't cry…It's like I'm still processing."
"What aren't you telling me? There's something missing and it's because you're ashamed or something."
Olivia sighed and wiped her eyes. "I just feel like her life was so sad, traumatic, and cruel that she took it herself, and by not mourning her, it confirms that it's true. I'm her twin sister, I should be beside myself with grief and I'm not. I hate that she took her own life, I hate that she hurt our children, I hate that her life failed her and I feel like I failed her but now that she's gone I feel like I'll be okay, I'll miss her, I wish she was alive to fix herself and to experience a better life but she isn't and I still feel like I'll be okay. Still, I feel like if I grieve for her too much, I'm a horrible mom and if I grieve for her too little I'm a horrible sister."
"How about you stop thinking about your identities as a mom and sister and wife and just grieve for her in a way that feels natural for you."
"That's easier said than done," Olivia said with a chuckle as she wiped her eyes, "when I thought Fitz died I was catatonic for three days, not eating or drinking until I passed out. The only way Sonia could get me to eat for months was by telling me that if I didn't eat I'd die and leave Lily an orphan and that scared me so I started eating but even then food didn't taste like anything and that wasn't the worst of it but was how I grieved when I thought I lost my husband."
"Different people mean different things to you, they play different parts in your life and form different attachments, that's normal and okay."
"Yeah, she was there for me a great deal while this was happening. She had to read Fitz's eulogy at his funeral because I couldn't-," Olivia said.
"-I'm going to ask you something and I don't want you to take offense because it needs to be asked," Dr. Nandi began. "Are you relieved that she's dead?"
"What?"
"Are you relieved that she's dead? That might be an emotion you are feeling but not admitting to. It's valid to feel that way, she seemed like a loose canon and it can be exhausting dealing with someone like that. I know you love her, I know you mourn for her but are you also relieved?"
"Yes, I am," Olivia said tearfully.
"Okay, why don't you sit with that feeling for a little while because it's okay to feel that way."
Olivia nodded as she leaned over to Fitz and he wrapped his arms around her to comfort her.
He kissed her against her hair and caressed her with gentle strokes.
Dr. Nandi let them sit in silence for a moment before she began. "Do we want to continue to explore this or should we move on to something else?"
Olivia leaned up from Fitz's torso, "we should move on."
The doctor nodded.
"Any panic attacks this week?" she asked Fitz.
"A couple," he said.
"When?"
"Well, one was a few days ago. There was no trigger, it just happened as it typically does. The other was yesterday evening."
"Was there a trigger for yesterday's panic attack?"
"Her sister's death. It wasn't immediate but after I'd taken care of her body and the kids went to bed, Olivia was sleeping, my mind drifted back to the image of her only this time I imagined it was Olivia and it brought on the attack."
"You didn't tell me about last night," Olivia said.
"You were and still are grieving your sister, in the grand scheme of things it wasn't the most pressing thing."
Olivia groaned and shook her head. "You promised to tell me when they happen."
"And I am telling you right now, not even 24 hours later."
Olivia rolled her eyes and shook her head again.
"Why do you roll your eyes?" Dr. Nandi asked.
"Because I hate when he does that."
"I get that," Fitz said." but last night was not a good night and I think you know that."
"I do know that, doesn't make me hate it any less," Olivia said as she softened and smiled.
They continued talking with her until they reached the end of their session and parted ways. Fitz and Olivia went to their bedroom to decompress as they usually did after their session. Sonia was with the girls and Fitz assumed they were napping.
When Olivia reached the bed in their bedroom she plopped down on the bed. Fitz plopped down beside her.
"How do you feel after the session?"
"Fine," he said.
Olivia smiled, "you're always fine."
She sat up a bit and leaned over and kissed him as she stroked his cheek. "I love you so much."
He smiled, "I love you….too fucking much, it's giving me panic attacks every time I think about losing you."
She smiled and kissed him, "You'll never lose me."