Synopsis:
Sakura fell in love with a man she knew was out of her league. He had an incredibly long line of suitors waiting to enchant him and become his wife. What would he see in her that the other women did not have? As fate would have it, they cared for each other deeply. Their love blossomed over time. But one fateful day, he disappeared. She was told he was dead. But she held on to the belief he was still alive. Alas, he reappeared, but not as a her Li Syaoran, but a fiancé of the daughter of the Wang clan. He did not know Kinomoto Sakura existed, let alone a certain little boy who carried his surname.
Chapter 8: Guilt, Grief, Gratitude
"Saaakkkuuurrraaa-chaaannn!" Daidouji Tomoyo practically screeched into the screen of her smartphone, which was the latest 'glitter' series that her team and herself spent countless days and nights perfecting, prototyping and refining. After many rounds of discussion and debate, and a final approval from Tomoyo, they named it Stardust. The body of the device was a brilliantly shimmering material made of titanium in metallic colours–bronze, silver, gold and rose gold. Of course, the device was not created just to make its owner look stylish–it was a state of the art with advanced, cutting-edge features. Much to Sakura's delight which was mixed with a tinge of guilt, Tomoyo had generously sent her a rose gold 'glitter' Stardust set which was coupled with a pair of cotton-candy pink earbuds and a matching power bank.
Sakura had known Tomoyo since elementary school. From ignorant, imaginative little girls who enjoyed simple things like the game of tag, to sprightly, gregarious adolescents who loved hanging out with their common girl friends over steaming mugs of hot chocolate or creamy milkshakes at themed cafes, to budding, curious young adults who were busy exploring the options life had to offer, and to the present, enduringly effervescent women who were as giggly and uniquely quirky as their younger selves, Sakura and Tomoyo remained the best of friends. Though they met less frequently when they officially entered the workforce, the two chums always found a way to shorten their physical distance. And it was entirely owing to Tomoyo's sophisticated, lavishly functional and cutting-edge gadgets. And of course, her winsome (yes, really) insistence that they stayed in touch regularly no matter what. Those three words were emphasised with no leeway for any kind of compromise and Sakura was more than happy to oblige, to say the least. Tomoyo was someone whom she could trust her life with, other than her father and elder brother. She had seen her worst and still stuck around. Being in Tomoyo's gentle, devoted presence comforted and nourished her. It was a familiar ground for Sakura–her comfort zone.
Pulling herself away from her phone to protect her hearing from potential damage, Sakura tried to mirror her best friend's… uncontainable enthusiasm. She cherished her sense of hearing too much to abandon it just like that, even if it was for her most favourite friend in the whole universe.
Still holding her phone at arm's length, Sakura coaxed, drawing out the last two words, "Deep breaths, Tomoyo-chan, deep breaths." She felt like a mother trying to mollify her bawling toddler. From the screen, Sakura could see her childhood best friend blow out air from her mouth in a histrionic fashion, and she could not help but let out a chortle.
"What?" Tomoyo frowned.
"Sorry, Tomoyo-chan," Sakura chuckled. Her best friend could be so… expressive at times.
"I had wanted to call you on Saturday night, after your date. But I had a massive, urgent order at a really late notice in the morning. We had to burn the midnight oil. In fact, we worked through Sunday and finally we were done just this afternoon," Tomoyo babbled. After catching her breath, she continued, "I can finally video call you today. Hallelujah. So. Spill. I'm all ears."
Tomoyo sat up straighter, her deep violet eyes fixated on Sakura, unblinking. Even though she was only a virtual image on the screen, Sakura could already feel her intense gaze burning through her soul. She knew she needed to literally fill her in with every single detail –Tomoyo would not settle for anything less. For the next forty-five minutes, Sakura narrated the time she and Syaoran had spent on Fuishigi Island, not leaving out even the minutest detail. Throughout the monologue, Tomoyo only listened with eager concentration, fully absorbed in her dream-like recount. When Sakura had finished telling her fascinating tale on the enchanting island, Tomoyo let out a long sigh, her expression awestruck.
"Oh, Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo exclaimed, her eyes shone with an ardent euphoria. People who did not know her would find it quite unnerving to see her in this almost maniacal state. "I knew Li-kun had a crush on you!"
"Li-kun?" Sakura chuckled.
"Well, how else should I address my best friend's boyfriend?" Tomoyo teased, her usually placid face now wild with unfettered exhilaration. Sakura did not recall her being this excited when she told her about Hideki's confession. And it somewhat baffled her.
Boyfriend. Li Syaoran, Sakura's boyfriend? The mere thought of it sent her heart racing like a speeding Ferrari. And the brazen utterance of the relationship title that came out of Tomoyo's lips was almost illicit. Just hearing that word made it impossible to calm her frenetic heart.
"He… he didn't exactly say that…" Sakura sputtered. Was it even legal to refer to him as her… boyfriend?
"But he totally mean that, Sakura-chan. And you know it," Tomoyo interjected, her tone firm. "It's obvious, though he could make things more… explicit."
Sakura twirled a strand of her hair which was still damp from the showers. She had not given much thought to the seemingly frivolous matters of relationship status. It did not really occur to her as a cardinal aspect to process or consider, because she still felt as though she was treading on water, illusory and nearly impossible.
"Anyway, Sakura-chan, how do you feel about him?" Tomoyo ventured, her eyes shining with a kind of excitement one would see in those of a child whose lifelong dream was about to be realised.
Sakura felt her cheeks grow warm at the question that she knew she could not escape from, especially when it came directly from her best friend who knew her inside out. She bit her lower lip, trying to string her feelings together.
"He's… decent…" Sakura faltered, her eyes not quite meeting Tomoyo's expectant ones.
"And?" Tomoyo pressed forth, apparently not satisfied with her lacklustre answer.
Sakura clasped her hands together and stretched them skywards, hoping the little body extension could give her a boost to say what she needed to.
"He is different from what I had initially thought. He… took me by surprise, actually. His mannerisms, the way he speaks, his openness… they were really not what I had expected… from someone like him," Sakura offered, as she collected her stream of thoughts.
"And how does that make you feel towards him?" Tomoyo probed.
Sakura hesitated for a moment before answering, "There seems to be more to him than what meets the eye. I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is due to curiosity or…"
"Love?" Tomoyo injected, smiling wryly.
Sakura chuckled awkwardly, "I think it's still quite premature to talk about love, Tomoyo-chan."
Tomoyo narrowed her eyes, studying the overly conscious girl before her. She had known her since childhood and she was certain there was more to Sakura's words than what she was ready to let on. Her statement sounded suspiciously contrived too.
"Okay, I'll settle with curiosity. For now," Tomoyo said, her expression cryptic.
"What's with that face?" Sakura questioned, squinting at the virtual image of Tomoyo suspiciously.
Tomoyo only smiled gently. "You're so adorable, Sakura-chan. You haven't changed a tittle."
"Hoe-ee?"
"Li-kun sounds like a good person. I'm quite sure you'll be happy with him," Tomoyo pronounced, her eyes crinkling joyfully.
Sakura marvelled at her unwavering confidence in a man she only knew from idle gossip that permeated into every conversation among women at the higher social stratosphere. Although there was no solid evidence of how Syaoran might treat her as time went by, Tomoyo's assertive stance gave her comfort and the assurance to trust her own gut.
Like what Sakura's father had said to her before, it'd be foolish to muddle her past with the present. The baggage of the bygone days should remain where it was. Embrace the present, for with every sunrise, it spells a new beginning.
Tuesday–a typical work day for Sakura at the Li household. She kept an eye on her two serious-looking students as they tackled their tasks with utmost focus. She skimmed through their answers to check for any mistake that needed to be corrected. Then, her phone buzzed. Sakura keyed in her passcode and the screen lit up, revealing the newly received message for her. Its sender was none other than her students' most adored uncle.
The morning has been crazy. Had paperwork out the wazoo to sift through. My eyes are crossing themselves. How has your day been?
Upon reading the text message, Sakura cracked a smile. Despite her best efforts to bury any expectations she might have, she was a little edgy when she had not heard from Syaoran since the previous night when he had texted her 'sweet dreams'. Those words were so banal but gladdening to her heart. It had made her tingly all over with pure happiness. Sakura knew he was a pivotal figure in his clan, his schedule probably always filled to the gunwales. Hence, she knew she needed to align her expectations with his prominence and obligations in his multinational conglomerate and family. She needed to trust Syaoran more.
And their new budding relationship had only just begun.
Sakura typed her reply, her fingers dancing across the keypad.
I'm sorry to hear you've had a rough morning Hope things are better now :D mine's as usual, coaching the kids. They are hard at work at the moment :p
Sakura surreptitiously took a snapshot of Haitang and Haitian who were fully engaged in their tasks and whose brows were adorably furrowed, and sent it to Syaoran.
Barely a minute later, his reply came in.
How queer to see them so serious. You must be quite the tutor to bring out this side of them :p
They are smart kids. They know when to be focused and when to have fun.
Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow night?
I've got cheerleading practice from 7 to 9.
I'll come pick you up.
You don't have to! It'll be pretty late and you've got work the next day.
I HAVE to. Besides, seeing you will recharge my biological battery.
Haha. Fine. But don't let it be a burden, okay?
I won't. Don't worry.
Sakura smiled like a little girl at her phone screen. This was the honeymoon phase of every romantic relationship in its infancy and based on what she had heard and read, it had an expiration. At the thought, her smile faded just a little bit. Until Hideki's betrayal, Sakura could confidently say she did not grow tired or resentful towards him. In fact, she had felt her affection for him blossom and deepen with each passing day. Hence, she was blessed to be in a relationship in which both parties made the effort to keep the flame burning. Of course, now, that flame had been extinguished, leaving only a bitter coldness in its wake.
When a man starts to feel burdened by his commitment that is expected of him by his partner, that is when things start to go downhill. Because of this common belief in the realm of dating and even marriage, Sakura had always been mindful about not placing unnecessary pressure on Hideki and now, Syaoran. Especially Syaoran. She did not want him to feel chained and shackled, did not want to be an added load to his already encumbered shoulders. She wanted to be someone who could share his burdens, his woes, his troubles and bring him the peace that the daily grind would typically rob him of.
That was the principle Sakura had lived by ever since she understood the intricacies of human relationships - to be a blessing, and not a burden.
"Gather round, ladies!" Coach Hayashi called, clapping her hands to get the attention of her squad.
The squad's captain, Sakura, and her teammates halted their warm-up routine and huddled around their coach.
A willowy, ebony-haired woman with an effortless chic was standing next to Coach Hayashi. As the team neared, she smiled meekly at them, her impeccably manicured hands clasped diffidently in front of her.
"Ladies, I have an announcement to make - we will have a new member joining us starting today. She has come all the way from Hong Kong. Let us put our hands together to welcome Wang Zhenni!"
Coach Hayashi wedged her handy, trusty clipboard between her waist and her arm, and put her hands together, clapping and smiling warmly at the newcomer. Sakura and her teammates followed suit.
"Welcome to Sparkling Stars, Zhenni-san!" Sakura chirped, holding out a hand.
"Kinomoto is the team captain. Feel free to approach her if you have any questions," Coach Hayashi introduced.
"Yes, and please call me Sakura," Sakura added convivially.
Zhenni smiled demurely, taking the captain's hand with a light shake."Thank you, Sakura-san."
"Most welcome!" Sakura bubbled.
The rest of the team echoed words of welcome, some whose affability was so consuming with their heightened curiosity about their new teammate that Coach Hayashi had to interject, "Okay, ladies, belt up and get on with your warm-up!" She waved her hands to usher the overzealous girls to the middle of the court. "Kinomoto!" Coach Hayashi called.
Sakura jogged up towards her. "Yes, Coach?"
"I will let Wang shadow you for the time being. Do show her the ropes. She isn't new to cheerleading. She's had experience back in Hong Kong. Since high school, is that correct?" Coach Hayashi turned to Zhenni, seeking confirmation.
"Yes, Coach Hayashi," Zhenni affirmed.
Coach Hayashi nodded and said crisply, "Then I believe you will catch on pretty quickly."
"I hope so," Zhenni answered, her voice timid. "And I hope I won't be too much of a nuisance to you, Kinomoto-san."
Sakura gave a vehement shake of her head, causing her milk tea shoulder-length tresses to whip around her face in a wild cascade. "I promise you won't, Zhenni-san. And please, call me Sakura," Sakura assured, beaming. "Come, let's go stretch those stiff muscles and tendons."
Zhenni returned her smile and trailed behind the radiant, buoyant captain of the famed cheerleading team of Tokyo, knowing full well that she was the woman her former date–the man whom she had set her heart on–was seeing at the moment.
"Know and befriend your enemies, so that you may conquer them."
Her father had said those words to her before she signed herself up to join the Sparkling Stars. The auditions were exceptionally rigorous but with Zhenni's rich experience in cheerleading, she passed all the rounds almost effortlessly.
From her brief interaction with Kinomoto Sakura, Wang Zhenni was quite dismayed that she turned out to be rather different from what she had expected. She had seemed sincere, warm and kind, unlike the typical women she was used to being around.
But. It could all be just a facade, an outer layer. When you keep peeling, you might just reveal a rotten core on the inside.
Sakura draped her moonstone grey sling backpack over her shoulder, feeling refreshed after a cold shower. The summer heat had been merciless and relentless. A full two hours of cheerleading practice was capable of inducing copious perspiration, each jump and each forward bend causing the beads of sweat to drip, drip, drip on the polished hardwood of the gymnasium floor.
Casting one last glance at her reflection, Sakura bade her teammates adieu and made her way out of the gymnasium. She had wanted to check in with Zhenni but she was engaged in a conversation with Coach Hayashi, so she decided to catch up with her during the next practice.
"Sakura-chan! Wait up!" Chiharu called after her.
Sakura stopped in her tracks at the facade of the gymnasium and watched as the girl with thick, mocha-hued tresses bounced towards her.
Clasping her into a side hug, Chiharu said, "Wanna get ice cream?"
"Oh, I'm-"
"Isn't that…" Chiharu started, her eyes squinting in an effort to confirm what she was seeing.
Sakura followed her gaze and her breath hitched, as if her heart had lodged itself in her throat. She stood stock-still, her soul interspersed across multiple dimensions.
Perched on the bonnet of a sleek, glossy black Audi was a dashing, dapper man whose hazelnut-coloured hair was nattily tousled. He was clad in a pair of black tapered fit trousers and a navy blue slim fit shirt, its sleeves neatly rolled up to his elbows and top button unfastened. His eyes were fixed on his phone, his thumb gliding leisurely across the screen. His other hand was tucked in his trousers pocket, his entire demeanour unhurried and tranquil, exuding a beatific air that would make passers-by halt mid-step.
As though he could sense her presence, Syaoran pulled his attention away from the glow of his screen and a gratifying smile played at his lips as his focus zeroed in on the girl who was starting to consume a significant portion of his existence. It was nothing he had expected out of his banal, uninspiring life filled with unbroken rhythms of dry, monotonous day-to-day tasks. The very thought of her sparked a desire that dislodged a tapestry of ode, artfully recolouring, redefining and redesigning his life to one that was unfamiliar and nebulous, but pleasurably so.
Would allowing himself to indulge in this feeling of gratification subject him to possible arraignment by the very forces that he had believed to be against his happiness? Even if it would, Syaoran was prepared to bear the consequences. There was no way he would give her up because of his hapless tales of the past. Syaoran allowed himself to drown deliriously in the entrancing sight just a few paces down.
The sparkly aura that enshrouded her entire frame was so compelling, even though she must be running on fumes after two hours of cheerleading practice which she had casually shared with him was always gruelling but fulfilling. Her passion overrode every gripe one could potentially have about the demanding nature of the sport. Sakura seemed to carry a constellation of planets within her, possessing a capacity far beyond what her slender, physical frame could possibly hold.
A frisson of excitement ran through her spine as though she was having a serendipitous encounter. Sakura's feet were still rooted to the ground; everything else around her seemed to fade into the background, leaving Syaoran as the sole focal point in her line of vision. Even Chiharu seemed to have dissolved into obscurity.
"Isn't that Li Syaoran?" Chiharu asked.
Sakura almost forgot she was just standing next to her. She got out of her trance-like state and hesitated, "You know him?"
"Yeah, he's the bigwig of the company that Takashi works at," Chiharu replied, still riveted by the view before her. Then, a look of understanding descended upon her countenance. "You know him."
It was not a question but a statement which left Sakura dumbfounded. Chiharu looked archly at the voiceless girl beside her, who could be as diaphanous as a piece of silk. Her gut told her that there was something going on between Sakura and Takashi's head honcho. And her gut was right most of the time.
Syaoran strode languidly towards the pair, his gaze anchored only on the jade-eyed girl. His right arm was tucked behind him, as if shielding something from view. When he was just a couple of steps away from them, he withdrew his arm from behind his back, unveiling a handsomely arranged bouquet of vividly tinted baby's breath blooms.
Sakura noticed that his typically poised and aloof mien was alight with a joy that had seemed to unravel itself lately. Right at this moment, Syaoran's handsome features were no longer dimmed by his standoffish tendencies but accentuated by a bright smile that Sakura recognised in the picture of his younger self. His cheeks were slightly flushed as he offered her the bundle of blooms with a reserved affection that Sakura had started to find endearing.
"Saw these at the florist's next to my office and thought of you," Syaoran said abashedly, the fingers of his free hand grazing the back of his head.
"That's… really sweet of you," Sakura murmured as she stretched both hands out to receive the bouquet.
Chiharu cleared her throat a little more conspicuously than usual, reminding the spellbound paramours that they had company, albeit unsolicited.
"Oh, sorry, Chiharu-chan. This is—"
"Li Syaoran-san." Chiharu stuck out her hand as a form of greeting and went on, "We met at your company's annual gala last December." When Syaoran gave her a befuddled look, Chiharu added hastily, "My fiancé, Yamazaki Takashi, is the manager of the Marketing and Communications department at your company."
Syaoran's expression shifted, as recognition slowly registered in his eyes. "Ah, Yamazaki. Yes, I know him. We worked together on a project last year. He is a talented marketing strategist."
Chiharu smiled. "He'd be happy to hear his boss praise him."
"He deserves it. He played a pivotal role in bringing the project to fruition," Syaoran commented, his tone reverting to one of detached professionalism.
"Thank you for your kind words, Li-san. I'm glad he isn't just drivel," Chiharu chuckled.
"Not at all," Syaoran answered politely.
"Well, I shan't overstay my welcome here." Chiharu turned to Sakura and said with a playful smirk, "We'll do ice cream another time. Since you've already got… company."
A soft pink spread across Sakura's cheeks. "S-sure."
With a quick wave of her hand, Chiharu beamed, "See you on Friday!"
Sakura watched as Chiharu's back view diminished into just the size of a gumdrop. It was as though she was trying to fill the awkward silence with her own wordless stare at her friend's silhouette under the brightly lit street lamps. Although they had been more than chummy since their first date, Sakura still felt some residual reservation towards Syaoran. After all, he was too important a figure to be taken lightly. It was still necessary to tread cautiously around him.
Was it not?
"Hungry?" Syaoran asked, breaking the silence.
"A little. Have you had dinner?" Sakura observed his attire, guessing that he had probably dropped by right after work.
"Not yet," he replied.
"There's this food truck a few streets away that serves really dope grilled onigiri. The girls and I patronise there often. If you don't mind the… simplicity, we could go there," Sakura suggested, a thread of uncertainty woven in her tone.
"I don't mind. I've never had grilled onigiri before."
Sakura's eyes dilated in disbelief. "Really? It's very comm– oh wait, I forgot you belong to a different species of the human race," Sakura jested.
The moment the words escaped her, she wished she could take them back. She ought to exercise greater caution in becoming excessively casual with him. He wasn't just any other guy one couId mess around with. Li Syaoran was a legend in the gilded sphere of the elite. Who would dare to get under his skin and risk getting written off for life?
To Sakura's relief, Syaoran wore a knowing smile on his usually austere face.
"So integrate me into yours, Sakura," he proposed.
Extending his hand and gesturing to her backpack, he said, "Let me help you with that."
"Oh, it's fine–"
Turning a deaf ear to her attempt to resist his gallantry, Syaoran gently reached for her bag, lifting it with ease and slinging it over his shoulder. His other hand tenderly enveloping hers, he led her to his car.
When they were snugly stowed inside Syaoran's car which housed a spacious, comfortable interior, Sakura said, "Thank you for coming… and for these." She gestured to the baby's breath.
"You've already thanked me for that," Syaoran replied, half-amused by Sakura's tendency to fluctuate between acting with decorum and being all facetious in her remarks. Then, his eyes flickered to her wrist. "Nice watch," he commented.
"It was a gift," Sakura responded reflexively, fidgeting vacantly with the object of notability by the keenly discerning Syaoran.
Syaoran's placid eyes blazed momentarily and his jaw tightened ever so slightly, barely visible unless one was acutely perceptive to notice it.
"From your ex?"
There was more bite to his tone than intended, the question so direct that it rendered Sakura briefly speechless. The unexpected bluntness in his words caught her off guard, throwing her senses into a state of disequilibrium.
There was no use trying to conceal a fact that was blatantly obvious. It was what it was. Sakura decided to make light of the tension between them by unclasping the watch and dangling it in front of Syaoran whose expression was as hardened as a thick piece of steel. "Don't read too much into it. It's just… I've been wearing it for the last four years since he gifted me with it on our first Christmas together. It's something I do without thinking. But if it bothers you, I won't wear it again." Sakura gave Syaoran a toothy grin, hoping to mollify him.
Reaching for the passenger seat belt, Syaoran pulled it across Sakura's body and secured it in place.
"I'll get you a new one on my business trip," he said evenly, casting a disdainful look at the offending timepiece resting in his girlfriend's hand.
"You're travelling?"
Clicking his own seat belt into place after adjusting the rearview mirror, Syaoran angled his head towards Sakura, his eyes cradling her with quiet affection. "I'll be flying to Switzerland tomorrow for a business conference. I'll be back on Sunday. I was contemplating on getting Mother to grant you leave so I can take you with me but I didn't think you'd want that. Considering that there are quite a few layers to break through…"
"Yeah, no one in your family knows about us yet so I can imagine it will be quite a shock if you had asked that of your mother," Sakura agreed, her expression dancing between amusement and disbelief that he had even considered letting her tag along on his business trip. Admittedly, though, Sakura felt a burst of fluttering petals erupt in her tummy.
Syaoran nodded in agreement before saying resolutely, "I will talk to Mother after I return from Switzerland."
When Sakura gave him a bemused look, he quickly added, "About us."
A blush crept across her cheeks against her will as the word "us" continued to ring in her ears like a whispered promise she was not sure she could trust, yet it solidified her faith in him that he truly was serious about what was blossoming between them.
"Are you sure you want to do it so soon? I mean–"
"Yes, I am sure," Syaoran answered firmly, his calloused but steady fingers curling firmly around Sakura's hand which felt surprisingly strong despite its petal-like form. "Will you be okay while I'm away?"
A silvery, tinkling laugh escaped her lips. "Syaoran-kun, before meeting you, I believe I've been quite self-sufficient."
Syaoran did not look convinced. "Promise me you'll take exceptionally good care of yourself." His tone was authoritative and uncompromising, commanding adherence without question.
Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, Sakura said, "I will."
Flowers? Since when did the high and mighty Li Syaoran give flowers to a woman? With her arms folded peevishly in front of her powder blue cropped vest top and her lips pursed together, she drank in the odious sight a few strides away in silent indignation. What did she, the heiress of a behemoth conglomerate and the descendant of one of the most prestigious bloodlines in all of Asia, not have that he saw in that peasant girl? She had won countless beauty contests and even attracted numerous brands seeking her collaboration to endorse their products to help elevate their image. She was affectionately known as Asia's sweetheart, stealing the hearts of men far and wide.
With all her exceptionally superior qualities, Zhenni could not comprehend why Syaoran was completely indifferent to her. For a while, she even suspected that he was just not interested in the opposite gender. But seeing how smitten he was by Kinomoto Sakura, she knew for certain that he was indisputably straight. The thought of her having him dance to her tune was not just pejorative, but totally insupportable.
The dream girl of every male defeated by a random, unknown Japanese girl? The notion of it made Zhenni retch and caused a tornado of jealousy to stir violently within her.
There was no way she was going to let Kinomoto Sakura foil her plan of becoming the next matriarch of the highly influential Li clan. If anyone were to be standing alongside Li Syaoran, it would and could only be her–Wang Zhenni.
21:18.
Approximately forty-eight hours before Syaoran was back in Tokyo.
Sakura sighed, feeling ridiculously bereft. It was odd how she was so affected by Syaoran's absence when they did not even spend that much time together for her to experience any significant sense of emptiness. It was not like they were as inseparable as a pair of chopsticks. Right? Still, a faint shadow of wistfulness lingered in her heart.
Was she becoming like an overly attached girlfriend whom she had always tried so hard not to be when she was with Hideki? With his thoughtful, pampering ways, Syaoran made leaning on him feel as natural as breathing and inevitably, Sakura found herself unwittingly doing just that.
Gosh, she missed him.
"Sakura-chan! Sorry to keep you waiting," Chiharu apologised as she trotted towards Sakura. "My bangs were being stubbornly limp and I was trying to fluff them out."
A bright, effortless smile spread across Sakura's lips, a trademark skill that a professional cheerleader must possess. There was no such thing as rain or shine in the arena–she could only shine upon the spectators.
"No worries. I came out only about five minutes ago," Sakura said reassuringly. Her eyes landed on Chiharu's companion and her smile widened. "Hello, Zhenni-san!"
"Would you mind if Zhenni-san tagged along?" Chiharu asked.
"Of course not!" Sakura replied enthusiastically. "Are you an ice cream lover, Zhenni-san?"
A guilty look clouded Zhenni's expression as she explained, "Well, I've been kinda banned from sweet things by my mum since I joined cheerleading back in Hong Kong. She said I needed to keep myself in shape. If not, I could be kicked out of the squad."
Sakura and Chiharu met each other's eyes, an unspoken truth drifting between them.
"I know. It's a good thing Coach Hayashi isn't brutal in that way. She's all about balance. We do indulge once in a while but we are also mindful that we don't overdo it." Flashing Zhenni a wink, Chiharu went on, "After ice cream, Sakura and I would usually walk it off. Burn those extra calories."
Zhenni giggled. "I am inherently an ice cream lover. In fact, I adore all kinds of desserts."
Chiharu beamed, "Then we are all in the same team! One for all, all for one!"
Sakura chortled. "Shall we?"
Looping her arms through Sakura's and Zhenni's, Chiharu announced, "Ice cream, our much needed source of glucose, here we come!"
"So, Zhenni-chan, how do you find the squad so far? Is it any different from the one you were on back in Hong Kong?" Sakura asked as she crushed her biscotti cookie into the lavender sweet cream.
The three cheerleaders, ensconced in the retro-style, vanilla-scented ice cream parlour which was a ten-minute walk from the gymnasium, each had a bowl of pastel-coloured scoop with their personalised toppings sprinkled generously over it. The hum of oldie music gently drifted through the parlour, mixing with the chatter of its patrons.
"Mmm… the stunts and dance routines you guys do here are much bolder and more creative. And the vibe I got from the team is one that is supportive and nurturing. Unlike my previous team in Hong Kong, the girls were more… competitive. Some even a little vicious."
"But cheerleading is all about teamwork, isn't it?" Chiharu butted in, looking completely scandalised, her dessert spoon left forgotten in the swirl of chocolate fudge and semi-melted chocolate chip crème glacée.
Zhenni shrugged and replied, her tone casual, "That's how it's like there. It's a cutthroat competition among the girls at every practice. They never let up. It's about… face. And prestige. Everyone's determined to outshine each other."
Chiharu let out a soft whistle as she chewed on the absurdity of Zhenni's description of how her former squad was like–corrosive instead of cohesive.
"Wow, sounds quite intense to me. I don't think I'd be able to survive in such an environment," admitted Sakura, casting a sympathetic but relieved glance at Zhenni.
"Anyway," Chiharu piped up, attempting to throw in some levity, "Are you attached?"
Sakura's eyes popped open at her ebullient friend's bold precipitance in nudging a recent acquaintance to share something as private as her love life. She expected an affronted expression to flash across Zhenni's delicate blend of elegant features but to her surprise, she offered only a wistful smile.
To Sakura's even greater surprise, instead of being cagey about the topic that Chiharu had so unceremoniously thrusted at her, Zhenni placed her spoon gracefully atop her serviette, leaned back against the padded booth seat and with her fingers interlaced, she replied serenely, "I was."
"Was?" Chiharu raised her eyebrows, her curiosity piqued.
"He called it off just two months ago."
A trace of compassion crossed Chiharu's face, while Sakura's face softened, filled with understanding.
"I'm sorry to hear that. How are you coping?" Chiharu asked kindly.
"Still hoping," Zhenni answered with a light-hearted lift of her shoulders as if it was the most normal thing to do—hoping for life to come out of something that had withered away.
Sakura looked at her sympathetically. She must care for him more than anything. A pinnacle of refinement, Zhenni was one of the most attractive women she knew and she clearly did not lack suitors if she made herself available. To be so devoted to one man only meant one thing–he was her everything, the centre of her world.
To Zhenni's forlornly hopeful reply, Chiharu only nodded pensively. Sakura dipped her spoon into her creamy puddle of lilac-tinted ice cream, mixing it up with the now pulverised biscotti crumbs. The brief, mildly prying conversation jogged Sakura's memory about her own soured relationship of yesteryear. Unlike Zhenni, she did not harbour any hope of patching things up with Hideki. Did that mean she did not care for him as much as she had once thought? If… Syaoran had not come into her life, would she want Hideki back if he asked?
She expected herself to mourn for the demise of their relationship longer than what she actually did. Although she was the one who pulled the plug on their four-year-long relationship, she was not spared from the lingering sting it entailed. Four years was not a short time after all.
But Sakura was blessed. The sweet affections of Syaoran made the pain of the breakup melt away like snow as it yielded to the warmth of spring. And she found herself falling deeper for him by the day despite her initial reluctance to enter into a romantic relationship so soon. The memories that she had shared with Hideki had now become distant and hazy, as if she were watching scenes unfold from a life that did not belong to her.
Chiharu's voice snapped Sakura out of her ruminative state and her senses were back to the ice cream parlour once again.
"Is he from Hong Kong too?"
"He's a native, but he mostly resides here in Tokyo," Zhenni said, daring her eyes to flicker towards Sakura's direction.
"Is he cute?" Chiharu ventured, the playfulness in her tone resurfacing.
Zhenni's face broke into a half-smile. She took her phone that was lying dormant on the table for the last thirty minutes and skimmed her thumb along the screen. When she had found what she was looking for, she held up her phone such that its screen was directed at her companions, one more eager than the other.
A tall, handsome man with a head of brown locks mussed up in a charming way filled Zhenni's touchscreen.
A charged moment of silence ensued, and every molecule in the air froze in place, as if not daring to move. Sakura felt every muscle in her body go rigid. Her blood went cold. A web of tangled thoughts spun in her head, each one prolific in its intensity to lacerate her very core. An acrid sensation rose up in the back of her throat as she continued to stare at Zhenni's screen.
Sakura could sense Chiharu stiffen next to her. "Isn't that…"
"His name is Li Xiao Lang. You've heard of him?" Zhenni asked, sneaking a curious glance at Sakura.
At the mention of his name, Sakura's insides detonated, leaving her wrapped in a brittle sense of loss. Then, a jolt of understanding coursed through her.
The hotel where she and Tomoyo had met just before she started her role as a live-in tutor at the Li Mansion. The Jade Chamber.
It was Zhenni all along! She had been dating Syaoran before her. In those two encounters, Sakura had not really seen her up close. The coincidence is almost farcical.
Syaoran did mention he was seeing her for a while but nothing came out of it. Was it the truth? Or was he hiding something he did not want her to know?
"He… is the head of the company my fiancé works for," Chiharu answered, her voice soft and uncertain as she cast a peripheral glance at Sakura. "So, um, why did you guys decide to split?" Realising that her question could strike a nerve, she added hastily, "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."
Zhenni's lips crawled into a rueful smile. "He's known for his fleeting romances. His affections are as evanescent as cherry blossoms in the spring breeze." A small, melancholic sigh escaped her. "I thought I could be the one to change him. I guess I thought too highly of myself." She chuckled, but her words held a hint of embittered disillusionment.
He's known for his fleeting romances.
His affections are as evanescent as cherry blossoms in the spring breeze.
A spasm of pain crossed Sakura's face as she aligned Zhenni's statements with what Tomoyo had shared with her before about Syaoran's reputation among the women in his realm. So… it was true? That he was a flirt? That all that he had said to her meant nothing except to add her to his collection of women he had conquered in his lifetime?
"Kinomoto-san? Are you alright?" Zhenni asked, her face knotting up in concern.
Sakura blinked a few times before rearranging her expression into an effervescent smile to hide the turmoil that was raging inside her like a ferocious, famished lion. At times like this, she was glad she had all the training she needed to put on a cheerful, radiant front regardless of what she was feeling on the inside.
"Yeah, I was just thinking about how unfortunate your situation is. I mean, I also came out of a relationship not too long ago. So… I can understand how you must be feeling," Sakura uttered sotto voce after taking a fortifying breath, trying to instil as much empathy in her tone as she could muster in the ruffled state that she was in.
Zhenni smiled saccharinely at Sakura and said, "No wonder you looked a little antsy. I guess we're in the same boat."
"Whoa, look at the time. Shall we call it a night?" Chiharu interjected.
Sakura had never felt more relieved to hear someone say those words.
"Wow, time flies!" said Zhenni, looking mildly astonished.
"Doesn't it?" Chiharu chimed in.
"I'm sorry if I dampened the atmosphere tonight with my sob story."
"Not at all! We're confident you'll climb out of the ditch soon," Chiharu assured, reaching across the table to give Zhenni's hand a light squeeze.
"Thank you," said Zhenni. Her eyes softened with a smile, their corners crinkling with warmth.
His affections are as evanescent as cherry blossoms in the spring breeze.
Cherry blossoms.
Was there a deeper connotation to those words than what Sakura would like to think?
She watched as Zhenni slung her brown, leather satchel on her bony shoulder and wondered how on earth she had managed to stuff all her cheerleading paraphernalia into that confined space. Suddenly, Sakura saw her in a whole new different light–she was the woman whom Syaoran was seeing before. And she was a paragon of sophistication and glamour, qualities that Sakura definitely lacked.
Like a wilting cherry blossom after spring, Sakura's spirit drooped under the weight of a crushing disappointment that… she was not so special to Li Syaoran after all.
She was nothing but a cherry blossom that could only bloom gloriously until it reached its peak. After that, it would be blighted by the primordial, unchained elements of nature, ultimately dissolving into nothingness.
Breathtakingly beautiful but tragically transient.
Just like the Li son's affections.
"Sakura-chan, are you alright?" Chiharu asked after Zhenni had left in a taxi.
Sakura did not answer because the sight before her marred her thoughts, momentarily robbing her of words.
Chiharu followed her line of gaze and gasped, "Kimura-kun? I thought you were in the States?"
"I just touched down two hours ago," Hideki answered, his eyes fixed on Sakura, as though the information was meant for her instead.
Sakura bestirred herself from a state of utter disbelief and reclaimed her ability to string words into coherent sentences with a calm that astounded even herself.
"What are you doing here?" Sakura chafed, her voice tinged with a sharpness that could cut through the solid, inflexible air which had started to build with great celerity.
She could not help it. She could not will herself to sound pleasant and employ panegyrical language with Hideki after knowing all that he had done behind her back. Even Chiharu flinched at the uncharacteristically sharp edge of her tone.
"I… will make a move first," Chiharu announced, her eyes darting tentatively between Sakura and Hideki. Lowering her voice so that it was only audible to Sakura, she said, "Call me if you need anything."
Sakura's gaze softened and gave an imperceptible nod. "Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow at practice," she whispered.
With a wave of her hand, Chiharu broke into a light jog and made her way to her usual bus stop.
A painful, drawn-out silence clung oppressively to the air, thick and palpable, as Sakura and Hideki imbibed each other's presence with careful, measured restraint. It was as if they did not know how to behave around each other anymore, as if one misstep would set the place on fire, devouring them both in a raging inferno.
Finally, Hideki broke the silence. "I went to the gym to look for you but I was a step too late. I met Coach Hayashi on the way to the parking lot and she told me you had gone for ice cream with some of the girls. I figured out you'd be here. You've always liked their lavender ice cream."
There was a hint of a subtle, sentimental smile creeping up his jockish good-looking face, nearly tenderising Sakura's hardened heart. Nearly. Almost. But it was only in a heartbeat that the atmosphere of reminiscence was gone. Sakura studied him, noticing that he was a little brawnier and tanner, but… his usual self-assurance had markedly diminished and a look of defeat was etched all over his face.
"Why exactly are you here, Hideki?" Sakura asked, her voice clipped and slightly exasperated.
Hideki shoved his hands uneasily into his pants pockets and his feet scuffed against the tarmac like a little boy who had broken his mother's most precious vase awaiting a good lashing. Despite the unease that was rippling through him, Hideki held Sakura's gaze, unwavering.
"I'm here because I wanted to see you."
Sakura scoffed, "After what you have done? Isn't it laughable?"
Hideki frowned guiltily. "I can explain."
Crossing her arms over her chest, Sakura said in a steely tone, "Explain, then."
"I met Kairi at a club. I was there with the guys after practice. We all had a little too much to drink and… we acted like idiots. Then, Kairi approached me and we… we danced."
Sakura's face remained stoic and indecipherable. Hideki took it as a sign to continue with how all the trysts with Erika had started.
"We were both quite wasted that night and…"
Sakura held up a hand and cut in, "You've explained enough."
"I should have put a stop to everything. I'm sorry, Sakura," Hideki said, vanquished.
His shoulders were slumped and his eyes no longer held that glint of confidence that Sakura had once admired.
"Why didn't you?" Sakura mumbled, as the disappointment she had buried deep inside came funneling upwards like dust accumulated for too long on a forgotten shelf.
To that question, Hideki only looked away.
Adjusting her bag on her shoulder, Sakura said with a tone of finality, "I gotta go. You should… head back."
As she turned to leave, Hideki moved towards her in steady strides and reached for her arm, his grip gentle yet firm. Sakura found herself just a breath away from him. Her heart used to race like a wildfire swallowing up fields of golden grass when they were this close. But now, all that was left of those moments of flying sparks and exploding stardust was just stilled embers of regret and apathy.
"Sakura, please give me a chance to make up for this mess I've stupidly created. I care about you, and I love you. I truly do. No words can ever explain away what I've done to you–they'll just be lame excuses. But please," Hideki beseeched, his dark eyes holding a hint of emotion, glistening faintly, "Let me fix this. Let me show you I can do better."
A weary breath escaped Sakura's lips as she demurred, "Do you really think we can go back to the way things used to be after all that has happened? Because I don't think I can, Hideki. And what about that girl you have been seeing? Is she able to let you go?"
Squaring his shoulders, Hideki replied, "I've made it clear to her that you're the only one I'll ever want to share my life with. It's either Kinomoto Sakura or no one else. She was nothing more than a… mistake." Hideki's voice trailed off at the last word, clearly ashamed of having made such a catastrophic, imbecilic blunder.
"Hideki," Sakura started, her voice softer, "Can't you see that things have become complicated? It's no longer just you and me. There's a third party involved."
Now it was Hideki's turn to breathe out a sigh that was laced with exasperation. "There's no more third party involved, Sakura. There never will be."
Sakura lowered her chin and gave a slight shake of her head.
"Why, Sakura? What else can I do to make things better?"
"Nothing, Hideki." It was an answer that was barely audible.
"Are you seeing someone else?" Hideki pressed, a shadow crossing his eyes.
Sakura's gaze darted sideways, determined not to wither under his scrutiny. Hideki's lips dragged into a frown as he tried to decode every syllable of her silence, regarding her with a suspicion that what she was about to say was not something he wanted to hear. Nevertheless, he waited for those dreaded words to spill from her lips and inundate him with their crushing weight.
Sakura attempted to wrench her arm free from Hideki's grasp but it was so rock-solid that her skin burned from the friction against his palm.
"Answer me, Sakura. Are you seeing someone?" Hideki repeated, his voice strained.
When Sakura offered no response, Hideki probed, "You are, aren't you? I can tell from your expression."
"Does it matter?" Sakura asked quietly, refusing to cower under the fierce steadiness of his stare.
Hideki snorted and responded with the most forbearing courtesy he could muster, "Is that the reason why you are rejecting me?"
Sakura sighed. "Whether or not I am seeing someone doesn't change my decision, Hideki. I can't be in a relationship with someone I can't trust anymore."
"So you're gonna just pronounce a death sentence over me–over us–just because of one stupid mistake I've regretfully made?"
"I–"
"Sakura-chan!"
Sakura whipped around and saw Li Fuutie sashaying towards her, her magenta dress billowing around her ankles.
"Thank heavens I managed to find you."
Sakura blinked in bewilderment. "H-Hello, Fuutie-san," she eked out.
Fuutie tutted, "What happened to 'onee-san'?" Shooting Hideki a haughty stare, she said, "And who might you be? Sakura's arm seems about to disintegrate."
Chagrined, Hideki released his grip on Sakura's arm. He met her gaze unwaveringly and answered, his tone uncompromising, "I'm Kimura Hideki, Sakura's boyfriend."
Fuutie's eyebrows arched upwards, her lips flattened into a line and her head tilted sideways contemptuously. "From what I know, Sakura-chan belongs to someone else now."
Sakura could feel her cheeks burn. Hideki's posture stiffened, recoiling visibly at Fuutie's plain-spoken words. Sakura risked a glance at him, feeling a rush of compunction rise up in her chest. Apart from the abhorrent rendezvous which he had admitted was a moment of folly, Hideki had been thoughtful, supportive and generous towards her. He had given her more than what she had expected to receive out of a relationship. Yet, Sakura could not reconcile the fact that he had cheated on her and broken her trust because of the 'stupid mistake' he had committed.
At times, soldiering on to salvage a broken relationship can be counterproductive while letting go and moving on is the way to forgive and heal. For Sakura, the sense of betrayal was too colossal to be put aside and she could not simply turn a blind eye to it. With that jarring, insufferable prick in her heart, she knew it would only lead to more misery that would ultimately tear them apart and build even greater resentment between them.
Sakura felt a gentle tug on her hand.
"Shall we?" Fuutie began. Then, leaning in with a drolly whisper, she said, "I have my brother to report to about your whereabouts, Sakura-chan." Her eyes twinkled with mischief.
"H-hoe?"
Drawing her into a brisk pace, Fuutie said dismissively, "Take care, Kimura Hideki."
"All the best for your upcoming match, Hideki. And… thank you… for coming all the way here." With a final wave of her hand, Sakura gave him a small but sincere smile and let Fuutie take the reins, leaving a disgruntled and woebegone Hideki behind. Resisting the urge to look back, Sakura shook off the ache in her chest, a silent grief for what was gone. All that remained of her feelings towards Hideki was… gratitude. She was grateful to have been loved and now, grateful that he did not come running after her.
"Did you hear that? 'Sakura's boyfriend'. He even had the barefaced cheek to refer to himself as that! After every vile thing he has done!" Fuutie fumed as she fired up her steps into a determined march.
"How did you–"
Fuutie came to an abrupt halt and Sakura nearly collided with her if not for her trained, remarkable agility. The taller woman shifted her stance so that she was facing her younger companion whose features were suffused with bafflement.
In a mock serious tone, Fuutie stated, "Oh, I make it my business to know a lot of things. Especially when it comes to my beloved brother." Resuming her amicable and gracious manners, she declared like she had known it all along, "My silly little brother is in love with you."
A/N: Thank you for reading till the end! :]