Harper sat at the foot of the bed, her notebooks and textbooks were spread out on the comforter in what could only be described as organized chaos. It was a Saturday afternoon like any other – she was back in the comfort of Hawk's room attempting to do homework. Only she couldn't concentrate. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, her mind not absorbing a single word that was written on the pages before her. A frustrated sigh escaped her lips as she twirled the pen around, thinking that if she forced herself to focus it would happen.
"I told you this was a bad idea," Hawk said from his spot across the room. He sat at the desk, his laptop open to a page that was more blank than the two sentences she'd managed to jot down. Stretching, he looked over at her with a smirk.
Not-so-subtly, she rolled her eyes, barely looking up from her notebook. "Leaving this to the last possible minute was a bad idea," she muttered as she ran a hand through her hair.
"Hey, we still got time. It's not due until Monday, right?" He asked with a shrug, twisting in his chair so that he could look at her.
"But it was assigned a week ago," she said, frustrated with herself for procrastinating. She wasn't someone who obsessed over school, but she did want to pass her classes – it was the only thing that she had any control over. But, thanks to certain distractions, she'd put this off and now the internal panic had begun. But when she turned her attention back to the assignment, she felt him watching her. Unamused, she glanced in his direction, her eyebrows raised in a silent question when she saw that he abandoned his work and just stared at her. "Can you just like, I don't know, focus?"
"I am," Hawk said with that annoying smirk that unfortunately resulted in a small smile of her own.
"You're impossible," Harper muttered, determined to at least get a decent dent in her homework.
"And you're still stubborn," he replied.
Shaking her head, Harper tugged at her bracelet as she reread the assignment for what felt like the hundredth time. She knew what she needed to do, but her mind wouldn't allow her to concentrate for long. Every so often, she would get sidetracked by all the ways her life was going downhill — all the uncertainties of not just her reality but the what-ifs that weren't even a possibility.
Her fallout with Sam and Demetri.
This sick game she was forced to play with Jake.
And her doubts about Hawk, who had done nothing wrong except support her and be there for her.
But the knowledge that he knew how she felt thanks to Demetri's inability to keep a secret — the fact that it's been over a week and he hasn't so much as mentioned it — made her spiral. Because what if this relationship was just out of pity? It sounded ridiculous even to her own ears but… a twisted part of herself just wondered if it could be true.
"So, you're quiet," Hawk commented a couple of minutes later, his voice breaking through the slow concentration she'd managed to keep.
Harper sighed, looking over at him. The screen of his laptop was dark, and his attempt at getting homework done was abandoned. "I'm doing homework. You know, kinda like what you should be doing."
"It can wait," he said. "But, seriously, is everything okay?"
Harper's heart sped up, her grip on her pen tightening as she tried to keep her expression neutral. Did he know about Jake? No. It wasn't possible because she'd know if he knew. Hell, everyone would know. Jake probably wouldn't even be standing if he knew.
Or was this about what Demetri had told him? She didn't want to focus on either topic, so she forced a smile onto her face — one that she hoped looked genuine.
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Harper asked, her voice quieter than she wanted it to be.
"I don't know. You just haven't called me a dumbass in a while," Hawk said, his words forcing her smile to widen. "And you call me that at least five times a day. Sometimes more."
Harper tilted her head, staring at him with bemusement. "You want me to call you a dumbass?" She asked, humor lacing throughout her words. "I mean, I could but you haven't exactly done anything wrong."
"Yet, foster. There's still time," he said with a laugh.
"Please don't," Harper said, rolling her eyes. She forced herself to return to the homework, momentarily surprised at the progress she'd made despite Hawk's frequent comments. Tugging at the long sleeves of her shirt, she pulled them over her hands and rested her chin on top of them as she did her best to concentrate.
But that concentration was broken when something landed on top of her notebook, nearly hitting her in the process. Frowning at the interruption, she blinked in surprise when she realized it was a hoodie. Harper looked over at Hawk, who leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. That infuriating smirk of his only widened when he caught her staring.
"Why are you throwing clothes at me?" Harper asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Because you're cold," he said, unfazed by her glare which softened a second later.
"No, I'm —" Harper stated, only to be cut off.
"No, but you are," he said. "See, you do this thing every time you get cold where you tug at your sleeves and scrunch your nose. So, if I had to guess, I'd say you're like five seconds away from complaining that you're cold."
A flicker of surprise crossed her face at how well he knew her. She felt her face heat up, but she quickly morphed her expression into one of annoyance. He wasn't supposed to be able to read her like that. Wasn't supposed to know what she was thinking or feeling without her even saying anything.
Anyone else would find it endearing, comforting even.
But Harper found it terrifying even though warmth showed through her chest.
She opened her mouth to state that she wasn't cold when a shiver ran through her. Muttering under her breath, she ignored the satisfied look on his face at having been right.
"It's because you keep your room freezing. I mean, who even does that in October?" Harper asked, reaching for the hoodie against her better judgment.
"We live in California. It's like seventy-five degrees," he pointed out.
Harper huffed but pulled the hoodie over her head. It swallowed her whole, but she instantly felt the thaw in her hands, which she refused to admit were cold. The too-big material bunched up around her, and she struggled to pull it over herself. Cursing under her breath, she tugged at it but with the way it was twisted around her it was impossible. But she refused to ask for help, instead struggling with trying to straighten it out herself as best as possible.
Hawk's laugh was muffled by the fabric, and she could hear the faint shuffling of papers as her books were moved to the side. The bed dipped under his weight when he sat down, reaching for the hoodie as he pulled it down over her head. Harper narrowed her eyes at the amusement that danced in his eyes and pushed away at the strands of hair that fell around her face.
The fabric untwisted from around her, no longer bunching up uncomfortably as she grudgingly accepted his help. When he was done, his smirk deepened before he reached for the hood and pulled it over her head, tightening it around her face with the drawstrings despite her protests.
"There. No, you won't be cold," he said with far too much amusement in his voice.
"Seriously? I can't even see anything," Harper said. Her vision was obscured by the fabric and she knew her hairwas beyond saving. "Or breathe," she deadpanned, trying to fix it but he held her hands.
"Relax. You're cozy," Hawk said.
She rolled her eyes, but she doubted he could see.
A second later, the hood loosened as he pulled it off her head. Her hair was a staticky mess, wildly sticking up in every direction imaginable. "You're such a child," she said as he brushed her hair out of her face, attempting to smooth it down. "I look-"
"Adorable? Comfy?" He suggested with an insufferable grin.
"I was gonna say ridiculous," Harper said as his hands came up to frame her face. She forced her expression into a glare, even as her pulse stuttered.
It wasn't just from the physical closeness but from everything that took them from just friends to a relationship she still had no idea how to act normal in. She thought she had but ever since Demetri's slip-up, she had no idea how to act normal. How to not freak out over every little thing.
Relationships as well as any form of intimacy and feelings were out of her comfort zone. Her whole life, she'd kept people at arm's length. Because it was easier. Because people always left.
But none of this was new, though. They'd been close before with cute moments that were supposed to take place in relationships. And, for the most part, she'd done okay. But lately, Harper felt like an alien in her own skin.
Every little touch and act of closeness made her brain short-circuit. She didn't know how to act so by choosing to act normal, it had the exact opposite effect. It made her jumpy and forced her to push him away.
"Maybe a little," he admitted, laughing when she poked him in the side. "But you're still cute even if you are the most annoying person ever. It's kinda why I ..." Trailing off, he smiled sleepily.
"Kinda why you what?" Harper asked, narrowing her eyes.
"You know — put up with you," Hawk said quickly, clearing his throat. His eyes dropped to her lips, and before she could fire off a sarcastic comeback, he leaned in and kissed her. Unlike the last couple of times, this kiss was slower, deeper — filled with emotions she wasn't ready to unpack.
Her earlier panic faded as she returned the kiss, letting herself melt into the moment. It was always like this with him — every fear, every doubt, slipping away the second their lips met. For once, she allowed herself the luxury of letting go, surrendering to the warmth of his touch as her anxieties dissolved into nothing.
Harper pulled him closer, her arms looping around his neck as the kiss deepened, leaving her dizzy. His hand dropped to her waist, grounding her as the space between them disappeared entirely. For once, she wasn't overthinking — just letting herself get lost in a moment that would have terrified her if she allowed herself to analyze it. Time slipped away, the minutes vanished faster than either of them realized, but neither was willing to stop.
The hard edge of her textbook dug into her leg as she shifted, but it barely registered in her mind. The only thing that mattered was him. Her fingers curdled into his shirt, the fabric bunching beneath her grip as she held on, steadying herself against the dizzying rush of it all. Her heart pounded — too loud, too fast— but she was lost in this moment, in him, and for once, she didn't care. And when his hand dropped to her thigh, her breath hitched, her pulse stuttering. But she didn't pull away – because she trusted him, trusted this, even as they edged dangerously close ton getting carried away.
But when his slipped under her hoodie, fingers brushing the warmth of her skin, Harper's breath stuttered, then came to an abrupt stop. She froze – mentally and physically – before the alarms started blaring in her mind. Because even though she was in Hawk's room, where she'd been dozens of times before, that feeling of safety vanished right from under her. Because even though she was physically with Hawk, her mind – in a state of pure panic – imagined Jake.
Jake — who cornered her not once but twice.
Jake – who got too close to her. Who crossed a physical and emotional boundary by letting his hands slip under her shirt just to show her that he was in control.
And that panic blossomed in her chest.
Hawk noticed the tension as it happened – in the way her shoulders stiffened, and the slight intake of her breath as it hitched. He broke the kiss, immediately pulling his hands back as he shifted back to give her space. He watched her with a mix of confusion and worry, but Harper was looking anywhere but at him.
"You okay?" He asked tentatively.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Harper said automatically, forcing a smile onto her face even as the panic continued to build up in her chest. "Your hands were just cold."
Hawk tilted his head, and she hated the way he was studying her – like he was seeing through the bullshit excuses she was deflecting with. "My hands were cold?" He echoed, the disbelief growing on his face. "You looked like you were about to bolt. What's going on in that head of yours, foster?"
"Nothing," she said as she focused too much energy on the sleeves of the hoodie. Her eyes drifted down to the bed where her homework sat abandoned. She pulled the notebook towards herself, as if holding onto something physical would erase all thoughts of her panic. Because she couldn't tell him why she freaked out unless she wanted to dive deep into the nightmare that was Jake. "I just… I need to finish this homework, so stop distracting me."
Hawk sat back against the headboard, his eyes narrowing as Harper ran a hand through her hair and zeroed in on her notebook.
"Seriously?" He muttered, crossing his arms as he let out a frustrated sigh.
Harper's gaze snapped up the moment the word left his mouth. Her heart restarted its rapid rhythm, only this time it wasn't out of the fear that had paralyzed her, but from a deep-seated hurt. Because the weight behind the 'seriously' made her whole worldview crumble — made her doubt everything she thought she'd had with Hawk.
So the seconds ticked by as she stared at him, her recognition of him dimming before her eyes. Everything she once believed and knew about him was being extinguished right in front of her. All because of that one frustrating word.
The hurt melted away, replaced by an anger that was easier to hold onto and control. Easier than letting herself be vulnerable to someone who only sees one thing.
"Yeah, Hawk. Seriously," Harper snapped, sitting up straighter. She let her glare burn into him, refusing to let the pain flicker in her eyes for even one moment. Slamming her notebook shut, she could feel the lightheartedness that came from the overwhelming emotions that battled within her.
Even when he looked at her with confusion, all she saw was a stranger staring back at her. She could practically see his mind trying to process the anger in her words, knew that he could see past her facade and pinpoint the hurt that she was trying so desperately to hide.
But she didn't let him talk. Didn't let him say anything.
"What did you think would happen?" Harper asked, her voice level despite the anger and betrayal that wound itself around her words. "That you'd bring me up to your room, close the door, and that we'd… what?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Hawk asked, uncrossing his arms as he tried to make sense of her words — her anger.
"We could've hung out anywhere, you know. Like the dining room. The living room. Even the kitchen. But no. You chose your room. I mean, did you really think — shit. I'm such an idiot," Harper said, shaking her head as she stood up.
"Because this is where we always hang out," Hawk said slowly, standing up. "You're over here like every day. I mean, you've fallen asleep on my bed like a dozen times because you were too damn stubborn to admit you were tired when we watched a movie. My mom even designated a 'Harper' spot just for you."
Harper didn't say anything, her mind still spinning with panicked thoughts that made little to no sense to her. Instead, she reached for her phone, but the moment she went to grab it, the sleeves slipped down past her hands. Letting out a frustrated breath, she pushed the sleeves up only for them to fall again.
Hawk, noticing her struggle with a smirk that was much too amused for the current tension, stepped towards her. He reached out for her hand, rolling his eyes when she tried to pull her hand back before rolling the sleeves of his hoodie up. He did the same to her other arm before handing her the phone, his hand lingering for just a second too long.
Glaring, Harper ignored the way her heart sped up at his touch and tucked her phone into the back pocket of her jeans.
"So, do you want to tell me why you're suddenly spiraling out of control? Because one second you were fine and the next you're, well, you know. Acting like you want to throw me out the window," he said. "I mean, if it'll make you feel better, I can handle a broken leg but.. just talk to me."
"I'm sure this is how it always starts, right?" Harper asked.
"How what starts? You're gonna have to be a little more specific here, foster," Hawk said. "I know talking isn't exactly what you're great at but some words would be, you know, helpful."
Harper watched him warily, her panic dwindling at his confusion. Maybe — just maybe — she was overreacting and seeing something for what it wasn't. Because she knew Hawk or, at least she thought she did. But his frustration when she pulled back sat like a rock in her stomach.
Unmovable and unforgiving.
But admitting why she freaked out? That was a whole other level of messiness she didn't want to get into. Jake was at the forefront of her panic, but that wasn't a topic she was willing to bring up. Not now, not ever. Even admitting his frustration when she pushed him away felt like dangerous territory, but it was the safest option. Because with the latter, she could deflect. But the former? If she opened Pandora's Box, there was no telling where it would lead to.
"Because you got mad that I stopped us from going further. And maybe I'm the idiot, but I actually thought you were different," Harper said, the words strained as she forced them out. "Turns out you're just another guy. You lay on the charm, pretend that you actually give a shit, and the moment the girl trusts you, you show her that trusting you was the dumbest decision she could ever make."
Perhaps the words were more directed for someone like Jake because, let's face it, that's exactly how he enacted his plan. He led Harper to believe he was just a 'nice guy' when really he was the devil in disguise.
Did she feel remotely guilty for putting Hawk in the same category as Jake? Absolutely. But her thoughts were too jumbled for her to make any sense, so she latched onto whatever she could reach.
Hawk sighed dramatically, but his expression showed his frustration and confusion for a conversation that seemed to come out of left field. "You can't seriously think I brought you up here for that."
"I just… I'm not them, okay?" Harper shouted. "I'm not Moon. And I'm not Sadie. Maybe this whole thing would've worked on them but it's not gonna work on me. So, if that's what you thought was gonna happen, then you're an even bigger idiot than I thought."
Harper could see that he didn't understand what this was about — neither did she, if she was being honest with herself. But rather than put this fight to rest, to admit that she was being dumb and forcing something out of nothing, she doubled down while deflecting the real reason behind her panic.
"Why the hell are you bringing them up?" He muttered, a flicker of hurt crossing his face while his frustration bordered on anger now. Taking a step closer, he frowned when she backed up. Still, hefollowed her as she walked towards the door. "You're nothing like them, you know. It was just easy with them."
Harper stopped at the door, her hand hovering over the doorknob as his words hit her like a slap. She took a second to wipe the hurt from her face before turning to face him. "And that's exactly what you want, isn't it? You want it to be easy so you can ..." She trailed off, gesturing towards the bed even as her face heated up from anger and embarrassment. "But I'm not like that, okay? I thought we — You know what? Just forget it. Just go back to them if that's what you want."
Harper reached behind her for the door handle, pulling it open even as Hawk struggled for words. Her books were still spread out in the bed, but she'd worry about that later. Because what she wanted — needed — was to get as far away from him as possible.
"Jesus. You're freaking impossible, you know that?" Hawk pushed the door closed before she could take a step, the slam vibrating and echoing throughout the house.
Harper's eyes widened in shock, but it didn't keep her from shooting him a look that could freeze.
Before either of them could say anything, Hawk's mom called up the stairs. "Everything okay up there?"
Hawk muttered under his breath before cracking the door open a fraction, his gaze never leaving hers. "Yeah, it's fine. Sorry," he said before closing the door once more.
"Let me out. I'm done with whatever this is," Harper said, though her words wavered as if outright betraying her. Because the last thing she wanted was to leave. The last thing she wanted was to walk away from Hawk after everything they'd been through, but her stubbornness and ridiculous notions kept her from thinking clearly.
Even when she knew she was wrong.
Even when she knew she was pushing him away for no other reason than her own trauma.
"Not until you talk to me," Hawk said as he stepped even closer, the distance between them shrinking. "You can't actually think I'd choose them over you." He sighed, shaking his head as if the fight was absolutely draining. Because it was. "It was easy with them because it wasn't real, foster. We didn't talk or fight or whatever the hell it is that we do. You're a pain in the ass, but I'm not going anywhere, okay?"
Harper could feel her irrational anger slipping through her fingers. She had no idea what this fight even was — it was dumb and completely out of the blue but admitting that Jake was the problem wasn't even an option. And while she might've been freaked out about going too far, she let this drag out into something pointless and dramatic.
It made her feel dumb. Especially because Hawk was still there, trying to figure a way out of their fight. Of trying to reassure her of something that had never even been the problem to begin with.
But was she going to dig her heels in and hold onto that anger? Absolutely.
"Just stop, okay? This is so dumb. You don't have to explain —"
"Shut up, foster. You started this, and you're not leaving until you figure out that I'm not using you or whatever the hell you think I'm doing," he said, tilting her chin up to get her to look at him. Despite everything, he laughed at the murderous look on her face. "And when have I ever forced you to do something you didn't want to do? I couldn't even get you to eat pizza that had pasta on it. Even though you completely missed out because it was great."
"It was a carb heart attack waiting to happen," she argued half-heartedly.
"So if I can't even get you to eat a slice of pizza, how would I ever…," he trailed off as another look of frustration passed across his face. "Yeah, I might've done more with them, but I didn't care about them. Not like that. Come on, you know me. I'd never force you to do something you weren't comfortable with. We go at your pace okay?"
While the fight had never been about this, just Harper's inability to compartmentalize her panic, feelings and trauma, she grudgingly felt better. Somehow, despite how insane this was, how completely out of left field it had started, Hawk still managed to talk her off the ledge without her realizing she was about to fall.
She felt the fight drain out of her, and she was able to lock her panic about Jake away. For now. Because Hawk wasn't Jake. He'd done nothing to make her feel unsafe, but Jake's threat constantly echoed in the back of her mind. And while she was always on the verge of waiting for the world to fall apart and pull her under, it was unfair for her to group the two of them together. For her to doubt him just because she was looking over her shoulder for the next time that Jake wanted to play this sick and twisted game of trying to break her down.
He'd almost had her.
He'd almost won without even being here.
And that… that was terrifying.
Harper let out a quiet breath, the tension in her shoulders easing but she couldn't get herself to look him in the eye.
She'd started a fight over nothing just to deflect. And it almost cost her everything.
"You're so annoying," Harper said quietly.
"But you didn't walk away," he countered, and she could hear the smirk in his voice without needing to look up.
Harper snorted, shaking her head, but the smile that tugged at her lips was real.
"So, if you're done being dramatic, you kinda have a paper to write," Hawk said, already moving back toward the center of the room. He sat down at his desk, giving her space without needing to make a show of it. "You know, since you left it until the last possible minute. I mean, I kinda thought you were more reasonable than that."
"Yeah, well, maybe if you didn't keep distracting me, I'd be done already." For a moment, Harper hesitated before telling herself to just let herself trust this — trust him. Because that's what it always came down to, wasn't it? Her inability to fully let anyone in… even the idiot she was currently dating. Slowly, she stepped further into the room and took her place at the foot of the bed.
And just like that, things went back to how they always were. Their fight was over, but there were no apologies or anything equally as messy. It was just them sitting in his room as if the last fifteen minutes had never happened. It was comforting, terrifying but unexplainably right.
The room was quiet save for the music that flowed through the speakers, some obnoxious playlist Hawk declared was the best of all time. Harper had given him hell for it every time he played it because there were only so many aggressive fight songs she could listen to but, this time, she didn't say anything. Just shook her head and followed it with an eye roll, and he noticed. Because he always noticed everything.
They didn't talk, just focused on their homework in complete, comforting silence. Because this was the thing about them — they didn't need to talk every second because they could just coexist. At the end of the day, that was what mattered. And though Harper would never admit it, she secretly loved this better than any conversation they could ever have.
The minutes passed by, and Harper was relieved that not only had she finished her homework but she'd come down from her spiral. The guilt still gnawed at her for overreacting and picking a fight just to avoid talking about what was truly bothering her but, as she glanced at Hawk to find him grinning at her, she knew they were okay.
She hadn't messed this up.
And when his mom called them to dinner a little while later, it was like that fight never happened. Harper rolled her eyes as she stood up and stretched, listening as Hawk complained that she would get his hoodie covered in food. It was a possibility that she'd spill something on herself because, let's face it, she had a bad track record of doing that. And the oversized hoodie probably wouldn't help the matter.
Were the sleeves too long? Yes.
Did it swallow her completely? Also, yes.
Would she ever admit that she was far too comfortable and safe in it? That was a definite no.
Because admitting that would be like her admitting that it wasn't the hoodie that made her feel that way, but Hawk. And she wasn't dumb enough to put her feelings on a pedestal for everyone — specifically him — to see.
So Harper ignored him as he rambled on in the background, following her out into the hallway and down the stairs. She didn't think about how comfortable and at home she felt in his house even though, at this point, she knew it the same way she knew the Hudson's house — even Ryan's.
Because she was slowly getting attached, and that was just too much for her to think about. Because this wasn't her place. It was a place she visited despite knowing she stayed there too often.
"But, seriously. You'll be fine without a hoodie for like thirty minutes," Hawk said as they walked into the kitchen where he grabbed two water bottles from the fridge and tossed her one.
Harper tilted her head as if thinking about it, a smirk already playing on her lips. "No, I'm good." She hid her smile by taking a sip of the water, though she could feel him glaring at her.
"You already stole like six of my hoodies, foster," he argued.
"Okay, first of all, I didn't steal them. I borrowed them," Harper explained. "I'll give them back… eventually."
"Yeah, I'm sure you will," he muttered, stepping closer until the space between them disappeared. The edge of the counter pressed into her back, tapping her in place as his gaze locked into hers — unreadable, intense.
"And it was four, but who's counting?" Harper shrugged, but the way her face heated up just from his proximity forced her to look past him. Letting him see that she still got nervous around him would only lead to more taunts, and that was something she wasn't willing to let happen. "Besides, what do you think's gonna happen? That I'll knock a whole bowl of pasta on myself? I'm really not that clumsy, you know."
"Not clumsy? Are you kidding me?" Hawk asked with a laugh as he righted one side of the hoodie that was unconsciously falling off of her shoulder. "What about that time you spilled coffee on yourself the moment you got in my car?"
"It was an accident! I wouldn't have done that if all your cup holders weren't full of trash," she said.
"And the burrito that magically ended up all over you after you took one bite?" He asked, smirking.
Harper sighed. "Maybe if you hadn't added like every single ingredient to it, it wouldn't have happened. I mean, I don't even know how they managed to wrap it up without it falling apart," she said, tilting her head to look up at him. "You know, I'm starting to see a pattern here, Hawk. It's you. You're kinda like a bad luck charm when it comes to food and drinks."
"Except you're always covered in it," he deadpanned with a smirk.
"I'm not —" Harper started but the sound of footsteps interrupted whatever she was about to say. And it was probably for the best because it wasn't exactly nice.
"What's going on here?" Hawk's mom asked with a furrow in her brow, the concern evident on her face as she looked between them.
Hawk raised an eyebrow as he looked over at his mom. "Nothing, why?"
"Yeah, everything's fine," Harper added, twisting the cap of the water bottle on and off.
His mom blinked in confusion before slowly saying, "Because you two were just arguing."
"Uh, no, we weren't," Hawk said, before turning to look down at her. "Right, foster?"
"Yeahs We were just talking. That's all," Harper said casually because, to her, that's all it was.
Carrie stared at them for a moment longer and then shook her head as if the idea of questioning this more was above her pay grade. "You know what? Forget I said anything," she said and reached for the last of the dishes. "Let's go before dinner gets cold, you two."
"Are you gonna move or…?" Harper poked him in the side and he caught her hand, threading his fingers through hers before pulling her out of the kitchen.
Once they entered the dining room, they sat down at their designated spots — because, of course, Harper had her own spot now — with Hawk sitting right beside her. She narrowed her eyes when he moved his chair just a little too close to hers to be casual. But she didn't move away. Instead, she looked at the food that was laid out with a small smile.
Pasta, salad and bread.
Nothing special, yet it was everything.
Before Harper could even take everything in, a full plate of food was placed down in front of her. She looked up to find his mom smiling kindly at her, the way she always did yet with a little bit of apprehension mixed in. Not because she was wary of Harper but because Carrie didn't trust Hawk to mess this up. Harper had come to learn that his mom was on her side, probably more than she was on Hawk's and it made Harper feel too seen, too understood.
"Eat up, sweetheart. You're too skinny," Carrie said as she sat back in her chair, watching her with that motherly smile. "Help yourself to seconds if you're still hungry."
Harper nodded numbly, staring at the massive plate before her. She doubted she could even finish this, but she returned the smile. It was more for feeling as if she was welcome here than anything else.
The first time she'd met his mom, Harper had held her breath. She'd expected to be disliked and judged — not just for being a foster kid and her juvie record but for simply not being "good enough" for Hawk. He'd had Moon and then Sadie. And Harper? She was no one. But the opposite happened, and she still couldn't wrap her head around it. Around why.
Dinner carried on in the only way dinner at Hawk's could possibly be: pure chaos. It wasn't even ten minutes into the meal that Carrie was scolding him for something, and Harper couldn't help but listen with amusement. She snuck a smirk in Hawk's direction every chance she got and covered up her laughs with a bite of food.
"Hey! That's — did you seriously just steal my food?" Harper asked when he stabbed one of her croutons with a fork.
"It's called sharing, foster. Get used to it," Hawk said, sneaking another crouton off her plate. "Besides, everyone knows croutons are better after getting covered in salad dressing. Otherwise, it's just stale bread."
"You're unbelievable," Harper muttered, rolling her eyes. But when he wasn't looking, Harper reached over and stole a piece of his bread. She laughed when he caught her, shrugging as if she wasn't bothered by the glare he shot her. "What? I thought we were sharing?"
"You two literally have your own food," Carrie said with an exasperated sigh, but the flicker of amusement in her eyes betrayed the frown on her face.
"Yeah, but this is better," Hawk replied.
"Okay, but— " Carrie started but gave up when Hawk proceeded to stab at another crouton from Harper's plate. Instead, she shook her head with a sigh of defeat. "You two just can't act like a normal couple, can you? I mean, do you two even like each other?"
"Sometimes," Hawk answered with a grin.
"I tolerate him," Harper said even as she picked out a few croutons and transferred them on his plate.
Carrie looked like she wanted to say more but decided against it. Shaking her head at the weird dynamic they had, she changed the topic with the hopes of steering the conversation toward something that wouldn't result in them bickering. They talked about school, Harper's hobbies outside of spending most of her days at Hawk's house, and weekend plans. It was a normal conversation that flowed easily, something that she was able to navigate without feeling as if all the attention was on her. She didn't have to defend her actions or her choices, she could just be herself and that was enough. She felt that same comfort around her foster family and Ryan, though it still threw her off balance when she found herself relaxing.
Her default mode was to constantly look over her shoulder, now more than ever. Every day felt as if she was one step closer to everything falling apart, to losing everything she'd worked so hard for. It was a grim view of life, one she thought she'd abandoned, but it was hard to let go of the parts of yourself that were built to protect you. And Harper still had her defenses up because letting them fall? That was dangerous. But sitting here – talking, laughing – those defenses had lowered without her even realizing.
Harper rolled her eyes for what felt like the dozenth time at one of his smart-ass comments. She stabbed at the pasta, trying not to smile when his mom commented at the too-mean comments he directed at Harper, even though Harper knew that it was all a joke. It was when they stopped joking, and stopped saying stupidly mean things to one another that signaled there was trouble.
"Right, because it didn't take you like fifteen minutes just to write your name," Harper commented when Hawk said that his essay was mostly finished.
Hawk glared at her, but it was half-hearted. "I was thinking."
"Oh, sweetheart, you know that's dangerous for you," Carrie aid with a smile, winking at Harper who couldn't help the laugh from escaping her lips.
"Mom, seriously?" Hawk asked with a groan, sitting back in his seat.
Harper clamped her lips together, trying too hard not to look amused. This was another dynamic of him and his mom that she couldn't get enough of because it was too funny watching his mom roast him out of nowhere. And suddenly, she understood where Hawk's sarcasm came from.
"Not funny, foster," Hawk muttered, rolling his eyes.
"No, but, it kinda is," Harper said as she brought a forkful of pasta to her mouth.
She chewed thoughtfully, debating on whether to roast him some more before her eyes widened. She swallowed slowly and let out the quietest of sighs as she looked down at her — at Hawk's — sweatshirt to find a couple of pieces of pasta clinging to the dark grey fabric where the sauce was already seeping in. Her heart immediately sank. Not just because Hawk had actually been right, but because she genuinely felt bad. Seeing the mess, she panicked internally at how to not get caught despite the fact that Hawk was sitting right next to her.
"Uh-oh," she said under her breath, forcing a smile when she caught Hawk staring.
"What?" He asked, narrowing his eyes as she tried to look innocent.
Harper shook her head quickly as she said, "Nothing." She grabbed a napkin and stealthily tried to clean up the mess, which only resulted in spreading the sauce more.
Hawk watched her for a moment before pulling her hand away, his jaw setting in irritation at finding the stain. "I knew it! I freaking knew you'd spill something on yourself. And now you just ruined one of my favorite hoodies. Thanks, foster."
"I thought the black and red one was your favorite," Harper said while shamelessly smiling as she dabbed at the stain.
"You stole that one," he pointed out as he leaned in with a glare.
"I borrowed it, calm down," Harper said with a sigh when the stain refused to budge. Frowning, she set her napkin down next to her plate and met his glare head on. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't even know how that happened."
"You're a literal mess. That's how it happened," Hawk said.
"Okay, calm down," Carrie said, always the voice of reason. "This was an accident, Eli. Stop terrorizing her already. And the stain will come out in the wash, it's not a big deal."
"Oh, I know it's not a big deal," Hawk said with a smirk as he leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm just saying that I called it. It's like I'm psychic or something."
"More like psychotic," Harper deadpanned, earning herself a surprising laugh from his mom.
Dinner ended as it had begun: in absolute chaos. Hawk continued to make sarcastic comments every chance he got much to his moms dismay, who scolded him for being mean to his girlfriend. Harper, for the most part, enjoyed the back and forth. She added in her own remarks while unknowingly getting small nods of approval from his mom for standing up for herself. And she managed to get through the rest of dinner without anymore food disasters, even if the hoodie now had a big, ugly orange stain on it that she hoped would come out. It was one thing to borrow his hoodie and sweatshirt long term, but staining them left her with a horrible pit in her stomach.
"Oh, leave that," Carrie said when Harper reached for the stack of dishes. "I'll clean this up."
Harper's hand hovered over the table but she couldn't leave the mess for one person. Despite her protests, she grabbed the dishes and followed her towards the kitchen. "I don't mind helping."
Placing the dishes in the sink, Harper turned the faucet on and started rinsing them one by one. Not because it was rude to leave his mom cleaning up after them but because she felt like she owed her. For making her feel welcome, for not treating her like some broken foster kid with a tragic past. And, most importantly, for not treating her like she was the wrong choice for her son.
"You really don't have to do that," his mom said with a sigh though she smiled appreciatively. She loaded the dishwasher with the rinsed plates and turned to Harper, who was wiping her hands on a dish towel. "You know, you're always welcome here, sweetheart. I love when you come over here. It's always entertaining watching the way you two interact even if it is pure chaos half the time."
"Thanks." Harper smiled, but her face flushed. "And I'm sorry, you know, for all the arguing at dinner. We don't actually hate each other."
"Oh, I know," Carrie said with a knowing smile. "I see the way you two look at each other."
Harper looked away, suddenly more interested in her bracelet than the conversation. She tugged at the thin chain as her mind processed what she'd just said. There was no denying that there was something real between her and Hawk, and it absolutely terrified her when others saw through the banter and sarcastic remarks. Because it made this — whatever this was — real. Too real.
A shiver passed through her, and she rubbed her arm. The hoodie she'd been wearing had been added to the laundry pile, and she missed the warmth it had provided. Without it, she felt too exposed.
Hawk stepped into the kitchen just then, his steps slowing as he looked between them. He'd just walked into the middle of a conversation that Harper was thankful he hadn't heard, but the words repeated in her mind nonetheless.
"What are you two talking about?" He asked, slightly on edge.
"Oh, you know, just trash talking you," Harper said with a smirk as she saw the faint panic on his face.
"Mom, you better not be telling her any embarrassing stories about me," he warned.
"I wasn't… yet," Carrie said, returning the smirk. "But trust me, I've got plenty of them."
"Now I need to hear them," Harper said, her eyes lighting up with mischief as she crossed her arms.
"Please don't," Hawk said, sighting dramatically as he ran a hand down his face. "You literally embarrass me every day. So can you just not? Please?"
His mom nodded but made a show of rolling her eyes. "Alright, I'll keep my mouth shut. For now."
"Great, thanks," Hawk said, his words coated with sarcasm. "So can I have my girlfriend back or are you planning on keeping her here all night?"
His mom shook her head. "She's free to go. She was just helping me clean up, unlike my freeloader son."
"I helped!" Hawk said.
"Yeah, by bringing one plate to the kitchen. Thanks so much," Carrie said before turning to Harper. "Go on. I'll finish up in here. But thanks for the help."
Harper nodded and turned to follow after Hawk, who was already making his way down the hallway toward the stairs. Before she could get very far, his mom placed a hand on her arm to stop her. She turned with a quizzical tilt of her head while her heart sped up at the serious expression that crossed Carrie's face. And for a moment, she wondered if this is where it all fell apart – where his mom changed her mind about Harper and her true colors came out.
"You're good for each other, Harper. But I also think you're too good for him," she said. "Don't get me wrong, I love my son but he's… Eli's not the easiest person to get along with lately. Not since Cobra Kai. But, I'm glad he has you in his life. He's different when he's around you. Less… angry. Better."
Harper blinked, the words swirling around in her mind but not having anything to say to that. It was the approval that she didn't know they needed. After so many people had an opinion on them, after so many people were against them, to hear that someone was on their side and saw their relationship for what it was, it felt like having the air knocked from her lungs.
"I won't hurt him," Harper said, twisting the bracelet around her wrist as she struggled to find something better to say but the words disappeared before she could catch them. "I'd never hurt him. I promise."
And she felt like the world's biggest hypocrite because just an hour ago, she was fighting with him just because she couldn't come forward about her trauma. About Jake. She'd been so close to walking out because her panic had overwhelmed her too much.
But she meant this. She meant every word of it.
"It's not you I'm worried about," Carrie said, giving her arm a squeeze. "But I believe in you two. Now go on before he comes looking for you. The last thing I need is my brooding teenage son grumbling about talking to you."
Harper nodded and then stepped out of the room. She followed the familiar path towards his room, but his mom's words echoed in her mind and sunk into her very soul. Rather than ground her, they only made her more scared and aware. Ever since they crossed the 'just friends' line, she felt as if she was walking on eggshells because she didn't know how to do this. She didn't know how to just let herself live in the moment and be happy because the only thing she was good at was waiting for everything to fall apart. But his mom believed otherwise. She didn't just like Harper, she trusted her.
And now the pressure was on.
The moment she stepped into his room, a hoodie was thrown in her face. She barely managed to catch it before she caught the faint smirk on his face. It was the small comfort that he trusted her that settled heavily in her chest. This wasn't about the hoodie, Harper knew that. She wasn't stupid to not see through this small gesture and what it actually represented – them.
For a fraction of a second, Harper almost acted on her sudden impulse to bolt and run as far away from this as possible. But she didn't. Instead, she slipped the hoodie on and straightened it as best as possible.
"For the record, I'm not giving this back," Harper said, trying to keep her tone light as she crossed the room to where he was sprawled out on the bed.
"Yeah, I figured." Hawk rolled his eyes and gently tugged her down beside him. He moved over to give her room, making sure to keep some distance between them even though he still held onto her hand.
Harper settled down beside him, telling her stupid heart to stop overreacting to everything. This wasn't out of the ordinary for them. They'd hung out like this dozens of times, even when they'd just been friends – though Hawk would've argued that they'd never been friends. And perhaps he was right in that, not that she'd ever admit it aloud. The last thing she needed was a very smug 'I told you so', which she would absolutely counter with a snarky remark just to get under his skin.
So she willed her heart and mind to stop being so hyper-aware of him. It was easier than she expected because the moment she allowed herself to breathe – to relax – this just felt… normal. Right.
"What movie are we watching?" Hawk asked, breaking the silence as he reached for the remote. "Oh, I know! How about –"
"I'm not watching Die Hard again," Harper interrupted, shaking her head.
"Why not? It's a classic," he argued, already queuing it up despite her protests. "It's got everything. Action, explosions –"
"Idiots defying all sense of logic. Yeah, no thanks," she cut him off again with a smirk. She pulled the remote from his hand, ignoring his protests as she flipped through the options before settling on a thriller that looked like it had the perfect combination of ridiculousness yet an interesting enough plot. Before he could argue, she hit play and focused on the TV as the opening scene began. The music was too suspenseful, immediately giving away every jump scare that should've been a surprise but wasn't.
For all of his grumbling, Hawk actually paid attention save for the occasional sarcastic comment here and there.
Harper tugged at the sleeves of the hoodie, pulling them down over her hands. A quiet yet content sigh escaped her lips as she felt herself relax, her shoulder pressing against his arm but neither of them moved. His hand drifted to her knee, tracing patterns across the fabric of her jeans as if he wasn't even aware he was doing it. And for all her faults, Harper didn't freak out.
She let herself sink into the comfort of this moment — just letting herself be. It was rare for her to fully relax but, despite her past traumas and struggles, she did. Because, for once, she felt safe and happy and everything else got muted.
Because none of it was important.
Not compared to this.
"You know I love you, right?"
Harper stiffened immediately. She thought she'd imagined the words at first. She thought — hoped — that it had been some cheesy line from the movie they were half-paying attention to. But when she glanced up at him, she found Hawk watching her. There was no smirk on his face and now she had absolutely no doubt that the words had come from him.
Her fingers tightened on the sleeves of the hoodie as she couldn't find her bracelet in all of the fabric. Her heart thundered in her chest while her mind short-circuited because there was no way he'd just said those words.
Not now. Not yet.
But she knew he had.
And everything in her wanted to ignore it — pretend she hasn't heard him. She desperately wanted him to take them back. Or to laugh and tell her he was just kidding. Because this was too freaking soon, and Harper had no idea how to even let herself process it.
She sat up, shifting so that she faced him. Her eyes were wide and panicked as she struggled for something to say. What was she even supposed to say to that? How could she possibly say anything when she could barely even admit to herself that she liked him?
Harper squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block everything out from those three little words that had thrown her entire world out of orbit to the easygoing way he was watching her. Not in a way where he expected her to say it back, but in a way where he was just processing the way she was reacting.
Which, she wasn't. Not at all.
She was spiraling, falling deeper into the abyss even as she tried to claw her way up but her fingers kept slipping.
"No, you don't," Harper said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself. She couldn't even look at him let alone keep her voice from shaking. From cracking just like her heart was doing. "You don't mean that. You can't just say something like that when you don't mean it. Because there's no way you actually —"
"I mean it, Harper."
Not foster. Not some silly little nickname that he used just to irritate her, but her name. And that's when she knew that the idiot actually meant it. And it did little to calm her down because now it made it real. Now it went beyond friendship, beyond whatever labels they'd given themselves since they'd started dating.
"You don't have to say it back," Hawk continued, reaching for her hand just to steady her. Or maybe it was to keep her from running out that door and never coming back. "I just, I don't know, I wanted you to know."
"But you don't," Harper said again, adamant that he take it back. She almost wanted to beg him to take those words back, even if he lied about it. Because then she could force herself off this ledge and pretend that he'd never said them.
Most girls would've been jumping for joy hearing those words. But Harper? She was digging her heels in, refusing to let those words sink in.
"Yeah, I do," he said with a shrug, as if he'd just told her the sky was blue and the grass was green.
How was he able to say it like that? So easily?
"Shut up," Harper said, her voice barely above a whisper. He was just saying it because he thought he had to. That's all this was. "You're just saying that because Demetri told you some lie about me —"
"I knew before he told me." Hawk didn't even deny that conversation with Demetri while she tried to convince herself that she'd made a fatal mistake even saying those words aloud a while back.
It had been a moment of weakness. A slip of the tongue that she was now paying the price for.
His words made her pause, but the panic didn't cease. "When? When did you know?"
"Remember that day at practice when you kicked my ass and after we went to that diner and just hung out for the first time? Yeah, I kinda knew then," he admitted, looking nervous for the first time since he'd dropped that word bomb on her.
"We weren't even friends then. I mean, not really," Harper said, shaking her head because none of this made sense. But then she remembered losing her bracelet and having a meltdown over the next few days because it had been her mom's. She remembered that he'd fixed it before returning it to her because it had broken off in his car, and suddenly she couldn't breathe.
Harper's breath was coming out in short gasps, and she tried to fortify her walls to keep her heart safe. Because no one in her life ever meant it when they said those words. Who was she kidding, though. No one had ever said that. Not to her. Not in a way that made her feel wanted or seen or worthy.
She'd always been the disposable foster kid. The problem that someone was forced to take care of but did it anyway because she came with the reward of a monthly check. Because that was the only reason she'd ever been accepted. The money was a consolation prize. And the kicker? No one actually had to care for or look out for her.
So how was she able to think he meant it when she still had doubts about the Hudson's? About Ryan?
So rather than accept that he meant it, she started to over analyze this. Tried to pick it apart until she found a fatal flaw that would deflate this moment for what it truly was: a lie.
"You don't love me." Harper looked at him, but the intensity in his eyes forced her to look away. She shook her head, trying to control her heart before it exploded. "You think you do, but you don't. I'm not — I'm not easy to deal with, okay? I'm a mess, Hawk. I always screw things up, and I self-sabotage when things get too real. Because that's just what I do. I shut down and I run," she said, rattling off reasons that would show him just how much she doesn't deserve this. How much she doesn't deserve him.
"Are you done?" Hawk asked, watching her but knowing full well that she was still falling, still spiraling.
"No." And then, in a cruel twist of fate, she recalled Jake's cold words that started this whole sick game. The worst part? She believed it. "I'm broken."
"You're not broken. You're just frustrating ," Hawk said and still had the audacity to look unfazed after all the logical reasons she gave him to not love her. "Because that's exactly why I love you. Because you're not perfect, and you don't pretend to have your shit together. You're stubborn as hell, and you push back against everyone even when you shouldn't. You care too much even though you act like you don't. And you fight for people who don't even deserve it and —" He paused, forcing her to look at him, his thumb brushing against her cheek. "I don't know, Harper. You're just it for me."
The air was knocked out from her lungs, and she struggled to get even a speck of air in. Her vision blurred — not from some over emotional realization that would make girls like Moon or Sadie cry tears of joy, but from fear. Because he actually meant it. Because, to him, she wasn't disposable or temporary.
And she had no idea how to accept that. She didn't know how to reply to that, so she stayed silent. Hoping that this moment would pass on its own.
"It's okay. You really don't have to say anything," he repeated, giving her arm a squeeze before unpausing the movie.
And just like that, life carried on like normal.
He wasn't forcing her into making some big declaration. He wasn't pushing for her to accept it or acknowledge it. And that was exactly why she just nodded and turned back to the movie. He just sat beside her — not close enough to to freak her out but close enough in case she needed him.
Even as she turned back to the movie, her mind wouldn't shut off. His words repeated in her mind on a continuous loop of why she wasn't just some girl to him. He'd had everything with Moon, with Sadie and yet, he chose her for some reason.
She didn't relax. She couldn't.
Now Harper was forced to deal with her own feelings. Ones she'd tried to bury since that unfortunate day when they slipped out in the middle of Demetri driving her home. Because even though her pulse was racing in a race that had no finish line, she knew. Knew that she felt it, too. And, once again, she was scared.
She hasn't just let herself get too comfortable and attached.
She'd let herself feel.
And those were three things she'd written on her list of what not to do. And she'd broken them all.
The minutes passed in a blur. She ignored the jump scares in the movie because she was having one of her own at this moment. Harper let out a shaky sigh, trying to come to terms with everything.
Hawk loved her, and she… she loved him back.
Her breath hitched as the thought entered her mind. Plain and simple. Because, for all her denial, it was the truth.
She sat with that reality for a moment longer, her fingers digging into the sleeves of the hoodie as if trying to ground herself. She didn't run like she thought she would, which was in and of itself a freaking miracle. She just let herself feel it, let herself get used to the idea that this was her reality.
Harper looked over at him, watching as he stared at the TV — completely unaffected by how he'd just turned her whole world upside down. Or, at least, that's what it looked like from the outside. But she knew him, too. She could see him fidgeting with the remote, saw how his fingers tapped against his leg as he focused too intently on the screen like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
And for the first time, Harper realized that this wasn't easy for him either. That he might be all confidence and bravado… until it came to her.
"Hey, Eli," Harper said slowly, his real name slipping out before she could think twice. Because if she was going to say this, it might as well all be real.
He looked over at all, silently waiting for whatever it was she was about to say.
Harper tightened her grip on her sleeves, trying the words out in her mind as if it would make it any easier to say aloud. She took a deep breath, feeling the way her heart picked up speed. And before she could chicken out or deflect, she forced the words out.
"I love you, too," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
But she wasn't terrified, even as he stared at her. The words had been easier to say than she expected. And maybe, just maybe, that was because they were true. Because, for the first time, she was a hundred percent sure of herself. She was no longer lying to herself, no longer deflecting the truth in the hopes that it wouldn't complicate life.
Because saying those incredibly vulnerable three words seemed to uncomplicate everything.
Nonetheless, Harper held her breath as she waited for some sort of reaction. She only hoped that whatever he would do or say wouldn't be over the top. That he wouldn't make this into a bigger deal than it was and say something snarky in the hopes of calming her down. Because both reactions would be bad, and she was barely holding on as it was.
"I know," Hawk said.
That was it. No flair, no overdramatics, no sarcasm.
Just two words that any other girl would've been annoyed to hear because it wasn't emotional enough. But not Harper. This was the kind of response that calmed her down. That validated her own words in the simplest way possible.
A slow smile crossed his face before he reached for her, tugging her effortlessly into his arms. He wrapped an arm around her, and she melted against him, firing into his side like she belonged there. A quiet sigh slipped from her lips as she treated her head against his shoulder, draping an arm across his chest and settling in as if this had always been her home.
And that's because it was.
≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪
Here's another long chapter for you guys since no one's complained.
I honestly had so much fun writing this, and I hope you guys loved it!
It was kind of a rollercoaster, but when are things ever simple when it comes to Harper and Hawk?
Can't wait to hear what you guys think. Thanks so much for reading!
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