Chapter 5

Introspection

"Hello, Willow?"

"Buffy! We were starting to worry! Where are you?"

"At Angel's. I'm gonna spend the night at his place since it's late. I'm sorry, I completely forgot to call you!"

"Was it urgent then? Is it serious?"

"No, it's not, don't worry. But… anyway, I preferred to come and see straight away what it was about."

"Aren't you working tomorrow?"

"No, I took a day off to be with you."

"That's good!"

"Yeah… Listen, Will, I'll be back tomorrow so you only need to stay at my place until then. I told Dawn you'd be there so she could come by the house."

"Okay, no problem. It'll be great to see her again!"

"Good evening then. And sorry, again.""

"Don't worry. But if you hadn't called, I'd have given you a hard time for letting us worry all night!"

"I can understand…"

"Well, see you tomorrow. Don't worry about us, we'll welcome Dawn!"

"See you tomorrow."

Buffy hung up and turned to Angel who was leafing through a book. When he noticed that she had finished her phone conversation, he placed the book on the desk.

"I won't be able to keep you company tonight, I have to deal with a cat-demon problem."

"You need a hand?" Buffy asked.

"No, it'll be fine. There's really little demonic activity these days and never anything serious."

"Yeah, same for us."

He handed her a key. "This'll be your room. It's on the top floor, second door on the right. There's a bathroom next door, it's mine. You can use it."

"Thank you so much, Angel."

"Don't forget that you can call me anytime. You have my cell number."

"Yes, okay, thanks."

The vampire quickly left the room, leaving Buffy alone with her thoughts in the middle of the office, which was almost completely dark now. In the end, she headed towards the door and reached the top floor. Arriving at the right door, she unlocked it and entered the room. After turning on the light, she noticed that the room was small but neat and well decorated. It consisted of a large bed, a wardrobe and a small desk on the right. She wondered why Angel had another room in his house. Did he often get people? Buffy decided to avoid the question, she had other things to think about.

She placed her bag on the desk and walked over to the other door at the far end of the room and opened it. As she suspected, it was the bathroom. In front of her was another door. Probably Angel's room, she thought.

She closed the door behind her and undressed after finding some towels in a closet. She stepped into the shower and closed her eyes. The hot water relaxed her a little and she didn't move for several minutes, focusing on the trickle of water which enveloped her and made her forget her worries for a few moments.

Finally, she wrapped herself in a thick towel and lay down on the bed. After a few moments, she got up to search her bag and took out a chocolate bar she quickly ate. She felt too tired to explore the floor for the kitchen, so her stomach would have to wait until the next day. She turned off the light and slipped into the covers. The bed was comfortable but Buffy wasn't, probably because she wasn't in her bed. Moreover, obviously, the events of the evening prevented her from falling asleep peacefully.

A whirlwind of emotions suddenly overwhelmed her. The Slayer felt oppressed and forced herself to breathe deeply.

Damn, Spike was alive! She couldn't process the information. She had accepted his death after several difficult weeks where she had dreamed of his resurrection as he had dreamed of hers. Each time, she had woken up on the verge of tears as her dream seemed so palpable. Now that his return was real, she should have rejoiced and enjoyed this reunion. After all, Spike had become a friend.

But she wasn't happy. Or at least, she didn't feel at peace despite this news. First of all, he didn't want to see her. And it hurt more than she would have liked. But what could they talk about? What had brought them together was the fight against the First. They had no friends in common. They didn't live in the same world. Maybe it made sense not to see each other again after all… But why did it seem so difficult?

Angel had gone down to the basement of the building after leaving Buffy in the office. He had lied. There was no cat-demon to fight. He just needed to be alone and especially not to see her for a moment. He didn't want to see that vulnerable look on her face. Just Spike's name had made her flinch. He had watched her fidget and feel embarrassed for no apparent reason from the corner of his eye. He knew her well enough to know what her behavior meant and it tore his heart.

How could this be happening? Since when had he stole the show? Angel had been Buffy's first love and she had loved him more than anything. He felt a wave of anger wash over him. How could she do this to him? For this guy! What could she see in him? A soul? That's all Spike had to offer! He only had an obsession with her, didn't he? He was incapable of loving her like Angel did.

Suddenly, Angel stopped walking in circles in the small room that served as his training room. He froze, stunned. He realized… he was jealous! Jealous that another man could be looked at with the same admiration and love that she had for him. But most importantly… Why him? Why a vampire that he himself had sired, even indirectly? Why him, this bloodthirsty character who had massacred two Slayers? It didn't make sense. Yet Angel had been a cruel vampire too, feared by all. And he had fallen in love with the Slayer. And she had fallen in love with him. No, he corrected himself, it was different. He had a soul when he had met her!

Yet… that was where Spike had an advantage over him, a terrible advantage even. He had fallen in love with her before he even had a soul and even if at the time it had turned into an obsession, Spike had gone so far as to seek his soul for her. What better gift could he give her? Angel was simply no match… Of course, without that chip that the Initiative had put in the blond vampire's head, nothing would have happened. But the thing is, if Angel hadn't been cursed to get his soul back, he wouldn't have fallen in love with her either…

How ironic life was! Angel had allowed Drusilla to sire William because he seemed weak and Angel had thought he could have fun with this naive poet. But now, it was maybe thanks to this poetic side that had never completely disappeared that Spike had stolen the only woman Angel had ever loved… What a revenge! Spike couldn't have dreamed of anything better to make him suffer.

Spike, that idiot, didn't even realize his power over her! And for her part, Buffy was probably unaware of the extent of her feelings. Angel never imagined he would think that but he envied the blond vampire terribly now. He wasn't so naive as to believe that Buffy loved him as on the first day for so long. She had met other people who had made her happy, and so had he. But they had always found each other in difficult times, proving that the flames of their story were still alive.

Yet today, Angel doubted. After six months of absence where she had thought Spike was dead, she had come running just a few hours after he had called her. To say it was he who had told her about it! What had gotten into him?

At this moment, I decided to include the action/adventure part in this story, so the chapters will be longer from now. I hope you'll like it.