Chapter 2 – Return to Camp Jackov
The first thing Stan noticed when he and his friends got off the bus was that the camp seemed to be in a totally different location from last time. Six years may have passed, but he could still clearly picture that terrible place in his mind. Had they decided to move since it burned down? Not that it mattered, he was pretty sure this would still suck.
As soon as everyone had stepped off the bus a familiar and very annoying smiling face popped up, arms raised in joy and annoying-ness.
"Hellooooooo campers!" Scout Master Scout exclaimed happily, "Welcome to Camp Jackov! It's so good to see your smiling faces!"
No one was smiling.
"I'm sure you're all happy and excited to be here!"
No one was happy or excited to be there.
"I'm Scout Master Scout!" he continued, "I'm sure most of you remember me!"
"Yeah, but not because we want to," Kyle muttered under his breath to Stan.
"You must all be so excited to be back at camp after that unfortunate accident that happened!" Scout said.
"That wasn't an accident!" another familiar voice growled, "I intentionally burned that stupid camp to the ground!"
The skinny vulture-like Slackjaw shuffled towards them along with Camp Counselor Guy and Troop Master, uh, Bendy because calling her Wendy was too confusing in the last story. Only the troop master looked happy to be here.
"You're such a jokester, Slackjaw!" Bendy laughed, slapping the man on the back and sending him to the ground.
"Let us show you around, campers!" Scout insisted, "So much has improved since you've been here! We've got all new facilities and redesigned cabins! You're gonna love them!"
"I doubt it," Cartman grumbled.
To be fair, at least the buildings were all new instead of falling apart like before. There was a mess hall where they ate and did activities. There was an office where Scout no doubt pretended to do important things. There was a medical cabin which Stan secretly hoped they had not rehired Dr. Shuu. A gymnasium had been built which was kind of neat. A bathhouse with toilets and showers had also been built. The cabins where they were staying actually looked… nice!
"All right campers," Scout spoke up, "Since you're going to be staying here a while, we've decided to let you pick your own cabin mates this time! Four to a cabin, please!"
"AND NO CO-ED!" Counselor Guy added in a loud voice.
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman quickly banded together, while Craig, Clyde, Tweek, and Token also formed a group. Everyone started racing around, trying to get with their friends first before they had to find a different group.
"Maybe we should pick someone other than Cartman to be in our cabin," Kyle suggested as everyone else continued to run around, "Like Butters or something."
"HEY! You assholes are NOT replacing me with Butters!" Cartman growled, getting up in Kyle's face, "I will actually kill you if you do!"
"Calm down, fatass, Kyle was just joking," Stan assured him.
"No, I wasn't," Kyle said.
Meanwhile, Pete, Micheal, and Henrietta stood around awkwardly. Firkle wasn't with them, as he was "too young" to go to camp. And since Guy decided there was no co-ed, they had no idea what to do. Feeling bad for them, Wendy went over and tapped Henrietta on the shoulder.
"Hey, do you want to stay with Bebe, Nichole, and me?" she asked.
"I guess," Henrietta sighed.
"What are we supposed to do, then?" Pete wondered.
"Don't care," Henrietta said as she went off with Wendy.
"Maybe we'll get lucky and we'll be the last two left so they let us go home," Michael suggested. Pete stared at him.
"It must be nice being that unrealistic and delusional," he said. Michael frowned at him.
In the end, after everyone had sorted themselves, only Pete, Micheal, and Butters were left. So, Butters had to room with the goths. The two did not look happy and for once neither did Butters.
Afterwards, everyone was given a few minutes to put their stuff in their cabins. Stan was disappointed, though not entirely surprised that the cabins were even worse than before. Only a single room with two bunk beds and two dressers plus one tiny nightstand between the bed. A large-screened window stretched across the back and front walls. And that was it. There was nothing else here.
"Wow. This sucks," Kenny noted, saying what they were all thinking.
"It really does," Kyle agreed.
"Well, at least we don't have to worry about someone stealing our beds this time," Stan noted. Kyle merely shrugged in reply.
"I call top bunk!" Cartman exclaimed.
"Uh, no you don't," Kyle told him, "Your fatass will break it and crush whoever's beneath you. Which will not be me, by the way."
"Fuck you, Kyle, I'm not fat," Cartman growled at him.
"Ok, how about Kyle and Stan you take one of the beds and Cartman and I will take the other," Kenny proposed, "As long as I get the top bunk."
Stan and Kyle nodded in agreement while Cartman grumbled to himself.
Over at Pete, Michael, and Butters' cabin, Micheal swore to himself as he lugged his suitcase into the cabin. Was it a lot heavier than it had been this morning? With a grunt he dropped it on the floor with a thud.
"Ow!" a disgruntled voice sounded from the suitcase, startling the three of them.
"Oh hamburgers!" Butters exclaimed, "Your b-bag is haunted!"
"It's not haunted," Pete sighed, rolling his eyes as Michael stared down at his case in confusion.
"Firkle?" he asked. He leaned down and opened the suitcase. Immediately, the youngest goth, Firkle burst out, gasping for air.
"You couldn't have been a little gentler there, Michael?" he growled.
"W-What the-? Firkle? What are you doing in my suitcase?" Micheal wondered, completely baffled.
"Suffocating," Firkle muttered, standing and brushing himself off.
"Did you sneak into camp in Michael's suitcase?" Pete asked, "Why?"
"I'm not spending six weeks all alone!" Firkle objected, "Are you kidding me? My parents would make me go outside or *shudder* meet new people! No thank you!"
"W-Well, we do have an extra bed," Butters spoke up, rubbing his knuckles together, "So, I guess you can stay here."
"Thanks," Firkle mumbled.
After everyone was done putting their stuff away, they all met up again in the mess hall per Scout's instructions. As they all walked over, Henrietta met up with her friends and was very confused by Firkle's appearance.
"Don't ask," Pete sighed to her.
Scout and the other counselors were waiting for everyone in the mess hall. Scout, as usual, was smiling. "Hello campers!" he greeted, "Let's start camp activities with a fun art craft!"
If he expected cheers, he didn't get any.
Guy, Bendy, and Slackjaw started handing out art supplies (well, Slackjaw was throwing the supplies,) while Scout gave out instructions for various crafts. Some of the teens groaned with annoyance.
"Does this guy think we're five or something?" Kyle wondered, looking at the finger paints that had been placed on the table.
"I don't want to make art out of macaroni, I want to eat it!" Cartman whined.
"Well I'm havin' a ton of fun!" Butters said happily, as he filled a paper plate with glue, "Arts n' crafts are so fun!"
"For you, maybe," Cartman muttered.
Stan tried to block out everyone else as he boredly scratched a crayon back and forth on a piece of paper. He could actually try to make something, but he had never been into stuff like this. And he didn't want the others making fun of him, thinking he was getting into it.
He didn't realize someone had sidled up to him until he felt them pressing against his back. He sat up and turned around, then flinched backwards when he saw Janet right up in his face. She blinked flirtatiously at him.
"Hi, Stan," she greeted in a low sultry voice.
Stan scooted away from her and stared at the floor. "Hey," he said simply back. Why did this chick keep bothering him? Couldn't she see he wasn't interested?
It was clear Stan wasn't the only one upset by Janet's unwanted attention. Brad and Wendy were both glaring in their direction.
This summer is not going to get any better, Stan thought with a sigh.
He was saved from the awkwardness when Kenny decided to take mercy on him and shoved Janet aside, thrusting something in Stan's face.
"Stan! Look what I made!" he exclaimed excitedly, holding up his art project. Stan blinked several times, the trauma of having Janet there still bogging his mind.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's a penis!" Kenny happily told him. Indeed, he had cut a paper plate in the shape of a cock, then painted it with way too many details.
"How mature, Kenny," Kyle sighed from Stan's other side.
Well, even if it wasn't the most original thing ever, Stan couldn't help but smile a little. Kenny always knew how to make him feel better.
Over where Craig and his friends sat, Craig had just finished cutting out a paper heart that he was making for Tweek, when he was suddenly shoved out of his seat. Tweek let out an "eep" of fear as Elle slid into the bench next to him.
"Hi Cutie Pie," she greeted, "I missed you!"
"Agh! I didn't!" Tweek exclaimed, shaking. He quickly got up and shuffled over to where Craig was laying on the floor.
"Ow," he said simply.
"Craig! Agh! Are you all right?" Tweek asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Craig replied with a sigh, "I just… really don't want to make the effort to get up." Tweek smiled fondly down at him.
"You're so lazy," he told him.
"I know," Craig admitted.
After everyone had finished their crafts ("For you, my dear," Craig said, presenting his crudely made paper heart to Tweek, who wouldn't stop blushing,) it was time for dinner, so they just stayed exactly where they were.
The camp seemed to have hired a new chef this year as the previous one had passed away "under mysterious circumstances." This one was flamboyant, over the top, and definitely not gay, we swear. But at the very least he was a better cook than the old one, so that was a plus.
"Oh God! I'm so glad we'll get to eat real food this time!" Cartman praised once he got his tray.
"Try not to orgasm, fatass," Kyle warned as he walked behind him.
"Fuck off, Jew!"
The four of them went back to their table and Stan made sure to surround himself with friends. Janet couldn't force herself into his space if he had friends around. Right?
Kyle and Wendy were on either side of him, and Kenny, Butters, and Cartman sat across from them. Cartman looked annoyed to be sitting next to Butters, though.
"I'll take chicken nuggets over whatever the slop we had last time any day," Token said as he sat down with his friends.
"I don't know, it wasn't that bad," Clyde insisted.
"That's because you'll eat anything," Craig told him.
"I will not!" Clyde whined.
"It's great that we got to choose our own cabin mates this time," Kyle said, changing subjects.
"Yeah, I would riot if I wasn't with Tweek," Craig agreed.
"AGH!"
After dinner, everyone was sent back to their cabins. Kenny quickly scrambled into the top bunk before Cartman could. He even made Stan hand his sleep clothes up to him so Cartman couldn't try to steal the bed.
"You're so paranoid, Kenny," Kyle sighed as he got dressed.
"Maybe," Kenny admitted, "But I don't trust Cartman."
"That's fair," Cartman said with a shrug.
"Do you want the top bunk or the bottom, Kyle?" Stan asked, "I really don't care."
"Is that what you ask every time you guys have se- AH!" Cartman started to joke but was interrupted when Kyle smacked him upside the head.
"Shut up, fatass," Kyle growled at him. He turned back to Stan. "I guess I'll take the top bunk. It'll be harder for Cartman to mess with me."
"I wasn't going to mess with you," Cartman insisted, grumbling under his breath.
I couldn't figure out how to end this chapter. Oh well.