Content Warning: Sexual moments mentioned briefly.
Chapter 2: Different Ways to Grieve
Two weeks after the Battle of Hogwarts.
Harry Potter is in bed staring at the ceiling as he listens to the faint sound of chickens clucking in the distance. He watches the colors on the neutral ceiling change as the sun begins to rise. He hadn't slept a wink that night, the faces of the dead haunted his mind every time he closed his eyes.
He had almost fallen asleep earlier in the night, a rare reprieve from his spiraling thoughts, but Ron and Hermione's moans had woken him and Ginny. While Ginny was able to fall back asleep after they cast the silencing charm, Harry's mind was unable to quiet long enough for sleep to find him.
It didn't help that he had to keep casting the silencing charm every few hours. Ron and Hermione had been fucking like rabbits since the end of the war.
Pity Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were staying with George in Diagon Alley. Harry figured his friends would at least try to be quiet if Ron's parents were around. He was so tired of having to listen to the constant fornication, especially since they refused to be considerate to those residing at The Burrow.
Right on cue, Ron's moans and a rough thumping sound started from the attic above.
"Can't those perverts give it a rest OR USE A FUCKING SILENCING CHARM," Ginny yells groggily at the ceiling from Harry's side.
The thumping and moans only get louder and louder.
"I wish I could be in my own little world like they are. I WISH THEY WERE ON THEIR OWN LITTLE WORLD SO WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP LISTENING TO THIS!" Ginny yells again.
Harry chuckles, "I do think I preferred it when they were fighting all the time. Or when they wouldn't speak to each other at all."
He points his wand at the ceiling, "Muffliato."
The sounds from above quiet immediately.
Harry rubs Ginny's back as she stretches next to him.
"Go back to sleep, my love," he whispers, kissing her forehead lightly.
"You don't have to tell me twice," Ginny mutters, closing her eyes and wrapping the blanket closer to her. Harry watches her sleep for a fer moments before sitting up.
He whispers to Ginny that he'll go fetch them some water, but in reality, he's given up on sleep and running from the guilt that washes over him at the sight of her sleeping.
Ever since Fred's death, Ginny hated being awake. Being awake reminded her that her favorite brother is dead, that he'd never make her laugh again, that she'd never get one of his letters again. Harry feels immense guilt, knowing there isn't much he can do to help her. He doesn't understand how she can stand to be near him. It was his fault Fred was gone after all, wasn't it?
While Ginny made it clear she wanted Harry by her side, she had also been irrationally lashing out at him. Harry learned that he loved it, that he craved her punishment. Their relationship was no longer light and innocent like it had been when they started seeing each other during Harry's sixth year. A darkness had seeped into their relationship and Harry was addicted to the pain of it.
Ginny was angry that Harry, Hermione and Ron had left her. She was livid that she had to go back to Hogwarts without them. She had been through months of her own trauma while they were on the hunt for Riddle's horcruxes. While she wanted Harry by her side, she also wanted to share her rage.
That rage felt so good to Harry, it felt like he was taking all her pain away when she turned it on him. Adding her grief to his ever growing pile was the least he could do for her. Harry resented that he was the reason all his friends learned the pain of loss so soon in their young lives. He had spent so many years envying them for being born free from it, and now he drowned in despair wishing he could be alone with the grief again.
It was strange watching the grieving process from the outside. As brokenhearted as he was about Fred, he knew his grief could not compare to that of the Weasleys'. When he saw them comforting one another, it made him wish that he had done the same with Ron and Hermione throughout the years. He might have felt less alone all those years if he had confided in them more, especially after losing Sirius and Dumbledore.
Harry gives Ginny a light kiss on the forehead before untangling himself from the sheets and making his way downstairs. In the kitchen, he finds Percy at the table, staring unblinkingly at the old clock with their family's names. They had come home to see Fred's hand had disappeared from it causing George and his parents to leave. They couldn't handle the pain of returning to the home they'd never see Fred in again.
"Can't sleep either?" Harry asks as he crosses over to the sink and fills up two glasses with water.
"For years, I didn't talk to them. Years and now he's-," Percy's voice cracks as he continues to stare ahead.
There is a beat of silence before Harry responds.
"You know there wasn't anything you could have done, right?" Harry asks, as he pulls up a chair and sits across from Percy. Percy finally looks away from the clock.
"I know... It's just, I could have been there. I could have spent more time with him and my family. I chose my ego over them, and now I won't get to make it up to him," Percy replies as tears fill his eyes.
Harry hums, not wanting to invalidate Percy's feelings. He had chosen the wrong side. He had wasted precious years because his desire to be accepted out weighted his familial loyalty.
"It's easy to forget that family won't be in our lives forever. You're only human, Perc. You have time to make it up to the rest of them now," Harry says consolingly.
When Percy doesn't respond Harry continues, "Don't forget that in the end, Fred knew where your loyalties lied. You being around would have been nice, but let's be honest, all you'd have done is row with each other anyway."
Percy smiles softly, "I suppose you're right. But still, I'd take a lifetime of fighting and annoyance over this pain."
They sit in sad silence for a few moments before Percy decides to head back to bed.
Once Harry's alone, another wave of intense grief hits him as he remembers that in a few hours he'd be meeting Teddy Lupin for the first time. His heart aches for Teddy who, like him, would never know his parents.
Lupin had been the last of his father's friends. With him, died all the stories he had yet to hear. So many memories of the ones he loved, gone. Remus was the last close link to the life he could have had, to the people he would have known if Riddle hadn't taken them from him so soon.
Harry was determined not to let Teddy suffer the same fate. Though he wished he knew more, he already had plans to keep Lupin and Tonks' memories alive for their son. Harry had been given the chance Sirius never got with him, and he'd do anything to make Teddy feel the love and safety he never got with the Dursleys.