Content Warning: Brief Sexual Activity & Desiring Pain This will most likely be the last Harry POV chapter for now.
Author's Notes: Chapter 5 will be from Hermione's perspective and we'll learn more about what's going on with her an Ron. Also more Dudley coming up shortly.
Harry looks around as he lands, his stomach lurching as he realizes where he is. A woman's scream can be heard from the painting down the hall and as Harry takes in the scene, his godfather, Sirius Black strides out of the dining room to wrestle with the curtain around his mother's painting.
While Harry wants to follow his god father, he knows he's here for Remus and Tonks. After giving Sirius one last longing look, he walks into the dining room.
"We really ought to find a way to get that thing down," says Tonks, who is stuffing her face with mashed potatoes and green beans.
Remus Lupin sits across from her, watching her eat with a mix of hunger and amusement. She catches him watching her and seductively runs her tongue over her gravy covered lips. His eyes track her tongues movement before he seems to realize exactly what he's doing. He start to nervously tapping his wand against his leg.
"You alright there, Remus," ask Tonks innocently, a smirk playing at her lips.
Sparks fly from his wand and he quickly stops before clearing his throat.
"Uh, yeah...Sorry," Lupin replies quickly, placing his wand on the table.
Remus starts to look around, avoiding eye contact with Tonks at all costs.
"I know we don't know each other very well, but I know your work from the order has been grueling as of late. You can talk to me. I know I don't look it, but I'm a damn good secret keeper and sometimes I've even been known to give good advice," Tonks says, all humor and teasing gone from her voice.
Remus finally makes eye contact with her again, and though she smiles, Harry can see the worry behind her eyes.
Lupin smiles back at her, "Thank you, Nymphadora. This is something I have to face alone unfortunately."
Tonks narrows her eyes at Lupin, her hair turning from bubble gum pink to red.
"You know I don't like being called that, Remus. And just because you're a werewolf doesn't mean you are obligated to isolate and brood. You're all so dramatic."
Lupin raises his eyebrows, amused but trying to hide it. The affection in his eyes is unmistakable, though.
"You know many werewolves?" he asks, curiously, leaning back in his chair and stretching his harms behind him.
Tonks watches his lean muscles flex and blushes pink, but sits up straight keeping eye contact.
"Well, no. But I know many humans. Being alone isn't good for us, we're social by nature, you know?"
Lupin's eyes narrow at her, though there's no anger behind his eyes. Just tired defeat.
"Well, when you spend several nights a month turning into a monster and experiencing agonizing pain that no one else can comprehend, brooding comes naturally. What's the use of bonding with people who will never understand my plight?" he asks, examining Tonks face to gauge her reaction.
"I won't diminish what you go through, Remus," Tonks replies, seriously.
Lupin's eyes flash at the use of his name. He unconsciously leans closer to the table, closer to her.
"No one can comprehend what you go through every month, but that doesn't mean you close yourself to the world while you're human. Last I checked you are human first, werewolf second, correct?" she asks, defiantly.
"And yet," Lupin replies, "Society treats me like it's the other way around."
Tonks scoffs, "In case you haven't noticed, society is rubbish. I thought you would have noticed that already, being in The Order twice now and all. You deserve to be happy, Remus."
Lupin smiles sadly, "Yes, well. When you've been viewed as a plague your whole life, it's hard not to let it get to you. There are very few people willing to put up with the inconvenience of befriending a werewolf."
There's a moment of silence as Tonks studies him. Lupin looks at his lap, embarrassed by his oversharing and by her intense gaze. It was clear he didn't talk about his werewolf side often.
"Try me," she says, boldly.
Lupin looks up at her sharply, his eyes meeting hers with an indescribable intensely.
"Pardon?" Remus asks, daringly. It's clear he assumes Tonks will change her mind, and refrain from repeating herself. That's what everyone did after all, offer him kindness and rescind it after further thought.
"Inconvenience me," Tonks says, enunciating the words slowly.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Remus scoffs.
Tonks laughs humorlessly, "Remus, you're an amazing wizard. You've proved time and time again that you are good. Why don't you think you deserve human connection and happiness?"
Lupin seems to deflate under the question. Tonks' leans towards him, affection filling her eyes as she patiently waits for him to speak.
"Friendship…It's a hard thing to want when you've been through what I have."
There's an intense pause as they stare at one another.
"Let's get a drink sometime," says Tonks, breaking the silence.
Lupin looks at her skeptically and amused all at once.
He opens his mouth to speak but before he could say anything, Sirius busts into the room, completly out of breath.
"I swear, we'll never be rid of her and that stupid painting. She will be there to haunt me until my dying day. It's getting harder to shut her up," he pants, pulling a chair up and plopping down on it.
Sirius looks from Lupin to Tonks, noticing that had both leaned back room each other as he entered the room.
"Oh my apologies, am I interrupting," he asks, in a suggestive tone. A large smile forms on Sirius' face as he watches his best friend and cousin blush deeply.
"No, not at all," Tonks says, standing up too quickly and knocking over her tea.
"Oh no!" she exclaims, but before she can reach for her wand, Lupin has already cleared the mess.
"Thank you, Remus," Tonks says, "I've got guard duty. See you both later."
Before she exists the room, she turns to Remus, "Just think about it, alright?"
Lupin nods at her, indicating he'd think over her request.
After she leaves, Lupin puts his face in his hands and groans. Sirius coughs to get his attention.
Lupin's head snaps up to his best friend, a look of guilt heavy in his eyes.
"You know, Mooney," says Sirius in an all knowing voice, "you deserve to be happy."
Lupin smiles sadly but there's a light blush appearing on his cheeks.
"So, I've been told."
The scene changes, Harry is now looking at Lupin and Tonks at a bar.
He takes in the packed room and notices no signs of magic. They must be at the muggle bar near number 12 Grimmauld Place, Harry thinks.
He sits at a stool near them and watches Lupin and Tonks share stories and laugh until there are tears in their eyes.
"I'm glad we did this," chuckles Lupin as he helps Tonks up.
She had fallen off her stool for the third time after hearing a particularly embarrassing story about Lupin's Hogwarts days.
The bartender gives them a dirty look.
"I swear I'm not drunk," Tonks assures both Remus and the barkeep, "just dead clumsy."
The bartender doesn't look like he believes her.
"Oh I believe you, but he doesn't seem to, let's call it a night before we get into any trouble," Lupin replies, putting down some muggle money.
He takes Tonks by the hand and leads her out of the bar. Harry follows, a few steps behind them.
"Thanks for the drinks, Remus," Tonks smiles up at him, her eyes twinkling.
Lupin smiles back, so much light in his eyes that it disarms Harry. He'd never seen Lupin look so happy. Intense guilt washes over him as Remus and Tonks start down the street towards number 12. Harry struggles to pull himself back into the moment, his brain being overridden by the thought that Teddy would never get to see his parents look at each other that way in person.
"I'm glad we did this," Lupin repeats, blushing slightly.
"If only you had agreed to this months ago when I first asked," Tonks scolds, bumping him gently with her hip.
They stop at the park in front of number 12 and look into each others eyes adoration clear in their expressions. Time seems to slow as Lupin tucks a strand of hair behind Tonks' ear.
A loud car horn sounds, making them jump and bringing them both back to the present.
"Well," Lupin says, clearing his throat and looking down at his feet shyly, " I have guard duty early tomorrow morning. Goodnight, Nymphadora."
He looks up at her wearily, expecting her to snap at him for using her first name.
"Goodnight, Remus," she replies softly.
"What, no threats for calling you by your given name?" he muses.
Tonks smiles up at him mischievously.
"Nope," she says before grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a rough kiss.
When they break apart, they're both breathless.
"Now, lets go get some rest," Tonks says, taking Lupin's hand.
He chuckles, and looks at her disbelievingly before pulling her in the direction of his London flat.
The scene changes again.
Harry is now in the Three Broomsticks where Tonks sits with her bright pink hair. It contrasts with the miserable look on her face.
Lupin sits next to her nursing a beer in the tense silence between them. Unlike the last time Harry saw them, there is no light in either of their eyes. They look worn and defeated.
Tonks looks at Remus, tears welling in her eyes as she throws her arms around him. He does not reciprocate the embrace.
"Remus, please come home," Tonks sobs into his shabby coat.
"I know your mission for Dumbledore is important, but I can't bear being away from you for so long with barely any contact."
Lupin pulls her away from his chest to look into her eyes.
"You won't have to worry about that anymore," he whispers, "Dora, we can't be together anymore."
His voice cracks, giving away his misery at the decision he made for the two of them.
Tonks looks at him shocked.
"What? That isn't funny Remus."
Lupin refuses to meet her eyes now.
"I'm serious, Dora. This will be the last time you see me for a while. Don't write me. Don't argue. We never had a shot anyway. We've been fools sneaking around like this."
Tonks stares at him, tears sliding openly down her face. Her hair starts to shift from its usual pink to a mousy brown.
"How can you say that to me, after all the progress we've made?" she demands furiously.
"I was foolish to allow this to go on for so long. I'm sorry for wasting your time, it was so selfish of me. You're free from the burden of having a werewolf as a boyfriend," he says as coolly as he can muster.
When he turns away from Tonks, Harry sees the tears Remus is fighting back.
As Lupin goes to leave, Tonks yanks him back into his seat.
"Loving you has never been a burden. It's brought me the most joy I've ever felt. I love all of you, and I always will," she snaps, shaking the front of his robes.
"I can't believe we're back on this. Those werewolves are getting to your head. Come home please, Remus please," she continues, pleadingly.
Lupin stands up, yanking his clothes away from her grip.
"I am home - with 'those werewolves' as you referenced them," he spits, "We all have our roles in this war, I'm willing to give it all up to win, are you?"
Tonks glares at him, her hair now fully brown, the light from her eyes gone.
"Holding onto joy during this fight is a form of rebellion Remus! Don't you see that? Look at Harry! Love created the best weapon we have in this war! Why can't our love create something just as strong and beautiful? We'll probably die anyway, why can't we hold onto the few good things we've got?" Tonks shouts.
Harry's heart sinks. Weapon. A weapon that failed to save those he loved, a weapon responsible for so much pain and suffering. Again, Harry finds himself struggling to leave his spiraling thoughts, but Lupins' yells draw him back in.
"Because I can't bare it! How am I supposed to keep loving you when I know I could lose you!?".
Before Tonks can say another word, Lupin storms out the pub and into the cold streets. Tonks does not attempt to run after him.
Harry follows Remus who walks briskly past a few store front. Lupin ducks into an alley quickly and hunches over, sobbing. Harry tries not to cry too as he watches on helplessly.
The scene changed for the third time.
Harry recognizes this memory, his past self was in it after all. This was the first time he found out Tonks and Lupin were an item. Bill had just been attacked by Greyback and Fleur had just told off Mrs. Weasley for assuming she would leave him.
Harry smiles as he watches Tonks shake the front of Lupin's robes professing her love to him in front of everyone.
As the group leave to give the Weasley's space to care for the injured Bill, Harry follows Remus and Tonks who are rushing off away from the hospital wing. They both come to a halt by the door that leads to the lake.
"I've missed you," Remus admits, his eyes unnaturally glassy.
"Remus, I don't know how many times I've got to tell you. I love you and I want you," she replies, her voice cracking.
Lupin groans in defeat, pulling Tonks close, "Probably a few more time, but I really can't keep resisting you, woman."
Tonks looks up at Remus, a tentative smile forming on her lips.
The fourth memory takes place in Tonks Manor. Harry is relieved, it meant this string of memories was almost over. He could see what Andromeda meant by the lack of organization. He couldn't fault them though, Remus and Tonks most likely pulled the memories on a whim as they thought of them.
Lupin is wearing his least shabby robes and Tonks is in a white dress.
Teddy and Andromeda Tonks smile as they watch Lupin and their daughter exchange vows and place rings on each other's fingers.
Harry can't help but be become overwhelmed by his emotions as Tonks and Lupin embrace. They looked the happiest anyone had ever seen them.
Blue mist swirls as the final memory plays. It is Tonk and Lupin looking down at their son, Teddy Lupin.
Tears stream down Lupin's face as he kisses his wife and son.
"Dora," he says beaming through his tears, "I never thought I would have this. With you and Teddy, I think I finally understand what it's like to be human first."
Tonks opens her mouth to reply, but Harry can't take it anymore. He violently pulls himself out from the pensive.
Harry emerges from the memories shaking. There are plenty more vials of memories for him to go through, but he can't handle any more.
Ginny, Harry thinks. He needs Ginny whenever the panic and grief starts to overwhelm him.
Before leaving, Harry sloppily writes down which memories he had just witnessed on a vial label, and used his wand to place the blue mist back in the tube and on the shelf with the rest. He'd have to organize the rest at a later date, but he could feel himself shutting down.
Andromeda looks alarmed as Harry bursts from the kitchen, hurrying back to the fireplace.
"I'm so sorry, I'll come back next week and organize more. I c-c-can't," Harry breaks off, looking around frantically for the floo powder.
Teddy starts to cry at the commotion, but Andromeda puts him down in the crib in order to help Harry.
"I knew it would be a lot, I'm sorry, here," she says, handing him the pot she keeps the powder in.
When Harry appears back in the fireplace of The Burrow, Ginny is at the kitchen table alone, eating toast.
She jumps up at the sight of him.
"Harry, what happened," she asks, brushing soot from his clothes.
"I don't want to think about it," Harry says, pushing Ginny back until she hit the edge of the table.
Harry grabs behind her thighs and lifts her until she's sitting on top of the table. He then buries his head into her neck, inhaling deeply.
Once, twice, three times.
As her scent calms his nerves, Harry focuses on the way she is touching him. Her legs wrap around his hips, her fingers comb through his hair, and then lightly scratch the skin under his shirt.
He sighs contentedly before starting to kiss, lick, and nip at the pale skin of her neck, just the way he knows she likes.
"Okay, no thinking, then," Ginny gasps, leaning into him more.
Harry breathes her in until nothing else exists.
Only Ginny exists, her floral smells, her soft red hair surrounding him as he pulls her ear with his teeth.
Ginny moans and starts to rub herself against him, pulling him closer with her legs so she could feel every inch of him.
"What is it you do want, Harry?" she asks, seductively.
Harry pulls away to look at her.
"I want you to fuck me on this table, and I want you to make it hurt."