"In the case of the state vs. Brock "Rock Hard" Turner, Judge Pockermin is residing. All rise."
Everybody in the court stands up.
The judge shuffles in with authority in the name of justice.
Judge Pockermin, while his hair is curlier than singed taint hair and whiter than all of the united states presidents combined, his beard, or more specifically, goatee, is a dark brown oval encircling, edging his lips like a sexually frustrated chump in No Semen September. To one side of this bold oblong shape was a line running down one side of his chin - a statement that reads to the rest of the world as a P for Pockermin. Judge. Pockermin. Residing.
"Please be seated," he commands under the illusion of respect for his lessers before pounding his gavel on his pounder, creating a noise that goes that goes straight through the ears and into the ass of everyone else in the courtroom. They sit when he tells them to, and they like it, because he says they like it. "Court is now in session."
It's in session because he says it's in session, and they like it, because he says they like it.
"Mr. Brock 'Rock Hard' Turner. You are being charged with sexual misconduct with an underage pokemon on television in front of an audience of minors and miners, as the television show Pokemon is broadcast in family homes and mines across the globe. How do you plead?"
"Not 'Rock Hard', your honor. Not 'Rock Hard' at all."
"If you are not 'Rock Hard' about the crimes with which you have been charged, why is your middle name 'Rock Hard'?"?
"I don't know," Brock says, representing himself, "That's just what my parents decided to name me. They weren't as cool as your parents, who named you Judge Pockermin. Your honor."
Judge Pockermin liked that. "And the defense?"
"We believe," the Fanfiction dot net guidelines say, getting up, "that the defendant is very obviously 'Rock Hard'. We have very hard evidence from the Tv show, witnesses as minors, and miners as witnesses. We would like to present to the court, exhibit A. The video."
The video gives us some 'Rock Hard' evidence of Brock not only abusing his own Vulpix pokemon, but using his deceased friend Ash's pokemon to defile it. Particularly a bulbasaur.
"Bulba! Bulba!" the Bulbasaur says, while committing unspeakable acts. "Bulba SAUUUURRRR!"
"The prosecution rests," the Fanfiction dot net guidelines says, turning the Tv off. "I think we've made our case."
The jury shuffles off stage and three minutes pass before the jury shuffles back on.
"Our verdict is guilty," says the jury in unison. "We find the defendant 'Rock Hard'.".
"Defendant - Brock 'Rock Hard' Turner - what do you have to say for yourself."
"I make a lot of money from the Pokemon show," he says, scratching the back of his head with an anime sweat. "Like eleventy billion dollars a year."
"That's pretty good," he says, hammering his gavel right into everyone's buttholes through their ears. "I sentence you to a fine of six billionty millionty dollars and require that you keep the bulk of your money in a bank account where the economy can't touch it while you live like a filthy hog in moneyslop forever. Court is adjourned."
And just like that, the honorable Judge Pockermin pounds everyone in the courtroom's asshole through their ears, dusts his nipples off and takes leave.
Brock "Rock Hard" Turner roams to sexually assault another day.