Chapter Ten - A Failed Mission

A/N: Read this before reading the Chapter Please!

I've decided to separate chapters eight and nine. So if you read this chapter, you will find that you have read it already. The new updated chapter that I want you guys to read will be Chapter Twelve : Undesirable Number One.

The next morning, Remus was woken up by Molly, telling him that Kingsley was starting the meeting in fifteen minutes. It was so early that the sun was barely rising and Harry was still fast asleep beside him. Once Molly left the room to allow Remus to get ready, he carefully got out of bed and checked his still-healing wound in the bathroom. It looked a lot better after being taken care of by Molly and some much needed rest, healing quickly due to him being a werewolf and having a faster healing pace than humans. After deciding to dress in a fresh set of robes instead of his usual muggle jeans and band t-shirts and flannels, sensing a heavy day of Order missions ahead of him, Remus joined the Order gathering in the kitchen.

The meeting was short and straight to the point and the mood was very somber and heavy with grief. Kingsley updated everyone on the news of the mission and Moody's death to the ones who hadn't known yet. They still hadn't found Moody's body so Arthur was organizing a search party after the meeting. Remus still had a strong feeling that they weren't going to be successful, he was sure Severus had gotten to Moody's body before he and Arthur were able to last night, but he just couldn't bring himself to announce that, at least not to the entire Order. He didn't want another reason for them to hate Severus, he didn't want Severus to be brought up again.

Why was he still finding himself wanting to protect Severus?

Because he was a coward, a complete coward, Remus silently decided about himself as he listened to Arthur and Kingsley talk. He could spare them all this extra time and resources used for the search parties, but what if it was possible Severus hadn't taken the body? Remus didn't see him have it, he was going based on feeling and the scents of last night… There was still a possibility, a very small possibility that the body was still out there somewhere. Remus decided to just give it a little more time, making a compromise with himself that if all the search parties turned up empty after today, then he'll tell Arthur and Kingsley his suspicions.

The next part of the meeting was assigning a few other missions and Kingsley checking in with Remus about going to check on Charlie. They had just received word from Vector. He was returning tonight, and he agreed to take over for Charlie as soon as he was back, much to Molly's and Arthur's relief. Tonks announced to Kingsley that she was going to go with Remus. The Auror gave her a serious frown, obviously not liking the idea, but he didn't deny her request.

And with the meeting finally over, everyone filed out.

"Stay for breakfast you two, then you can go to Charlie and I'll wrap him up a plate you can take to him," Molly said to Remus and Tonks. "And, Remus, let me check on that wound before you go. How's it feeling?"

"Loads better thanks to you, Molly," Remus said, moving aside his robes and lifting up his vest and shirt to allow her to inspect it.

When Molly was done and happy with the results of his healing wound, she went straight into planning mode with Fleur as they both got started with cooking breakfast. Remus helped himself to a cup of tea after offering his assistance but was shooed away by both of them. He sat next to Tonks at the table who laughed at him.

"You know it's useless, Remus, don't ask again unless you want to get stuck writing down addresses or tying ribbons on goody bags or something much more horrible."

"You make it sound as if it would be torture," Remus teased, placing a hand on Tonks newly swollen belly. "How is the little one doing today?"

"It is torture, I've never been into all the girly stuff and weddings and all…" Tonks wrinkled her nose, then placed her hand over Remus'. "And it doesn't stop growing," she added.

"That's what it's supposed to do!" Remus laughed.

"Remus, I'm all for the baby being happy and healthy, but I couldn't button my jeans today! I'm wearing robes on my day off because that is all that fits!"

"We can go get some new jeans today if you like," Remus offered. "Harry's birthday is coming up, I wouldn't mind going to some muggle shops with you."

"No, I can't bear the thought of buying maternity clothes right now!"

"Would you like some tea?" Remus asked her, sensing her grumpy mood now.

"That would be nice, actually," Tonks sighed.

Remus gave her a concerned look as he got up from the table to pour her a cup from the kettle on the stove.

"Here, give this to her as well," Molly suggested, handing Remus a full plate of eggs, breakfast meats and toast.

"Molly, you're a saint, really you are," Remus said with relief, taking the plate. Molly only scoffed at his praise and turned away, although he couldn't help but notice the slight blush on her cheeks.

"Here, tea and breakfast, Dora," Remus happily announced, placing the plate and cup of tea in front of Tonks.

Tonks took one look at the plate and suddenly she turned a shade of green. She slapped a hand to her mouth and shot out from her seat, running out of the kitchen and accidentally shouldering Harry aside who'd just appeared at the doorway.

Remus could only turn to Molly for help with wide eyes.

"Don't worry, love, this is completely normal. Tonks will be alright, I have the perfect thing for morning sickness when she comes back."

Remus could only nod with worry.

"Is Tonks going to be okay?" Harry asked as he sat at the table.

Remus suppressed a worried sigh for his friend, then smiled in greeting at his son. "Good morning, cub, and yeah I think so… Molly doesn't seem to be concerned at least… Apparently it's normal…"

"Good morning, papa." Harry then suggested awkwardly, "You should go to her."

Molly smiled at Harry's term for Remus, and he realized it must be the first time she was hearing Harry calling him papa.

"I think I should…" Remus agreed just as awkwardly.

He went to the bathroom on the second landing, hoping that was where Tonks ended up. Remus knocked on the door with a worried frown.

"I'll be out in a sec!" Tonks called out.

"Dora, it's me!"

It was quiet, then Remus heard the toilet flushing and running water. He stood outside in the hall for a few minutes until Tonks finally came out looking less green.

"You okay?" Remus asked with concern, reaching out and taking Tonks' hand to help her down the stairs.

"Yeah…"

"Feeling very pregnant today?"

"Ugh, yeah."

"Are you sure you still want to go see Charlie with me today?"

"Yes, of course!"

Remus huffed with defeat, "There's no chance of changing your mind, is there?"

"Not even in the slightest."

"Okay, come on, let's get some food in you first…"

Tonks suddenly hesitated. They stood in the middle of the living room.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked again with concern.

"Yeah… I think I'll just sit here and wait for you to be ready…" She slowly sat down on the sofa.

"Okay, how about some toast with your tea? You need to eat and Molly said she has something that can help."

Tonks agreed to that and once she was situated in the living room with dried toast and tea paired with Molly's potion, and away from the scents of eggs, Tonks finally told Remus she was feeling a lot better.

Remus had not wanted to leave Tonks alone but she insisted for him to go have breakfast with Harry. So he reentered the kitchen, seeing his son eating at the table, slowly eating a piece of toast in his hand. His plate was untouched. Remus caught Molly's look over Harry's head, seeing that she was worried yet relieved that Harry was eating a bit.

Remus fixed himself a plate and sat across from Harry, matching his eating pace and began making easy conversation between them until he finally managed a smile out of Harry. Molly and Fleur sat down with their own plates and mugs of coffee and tea, their wedding plans and charts spread out between them as they talked, paying Harry and Remus no mind.

And Harry ate, slowly, but he ate. He even agreed to Molly's offer of a second serving of eggs. Then when he was done, he looked down at his lap looking as if he were feeling as sick as Tonks had been.

"Here, love, drink this," Molly said, giving Harry a small purple phial.

Remus recognized it from the ones Severus would give Harry to soothe his stomach. He watched Harry gratefully taking it, then giving her back the phial just in time before Ron, Hermione and Ginny came into the kitchen. The room suddenly filled with their voices. Harry's cheeks blushed red at the sight of the youngest Weasley.

"I better go check on Tonks so we can get going," Remus announced to Molly, who began serving breakfast to the kids. Harry curiously looked up at that.

"Here, take this, and please be careful, the both of you," Molly pleaded as she handed Remus a wrapped plate.

"Of course we will, Molly, thank you for everything this morning. It's always greatly appreciated."

"Oh there's no need for that at all, Remus. You, Tonks and Harry are considered family here, you know that."

Remus briefly hugged her. "We'll return with news as soon as we can."

"Where are you going?" Harry asked him, catching Remus' eye. Suddenly the kids were all looking at him, waiting to hear Remus' answer.

Seeing no wait out of this, Remus answered, "Tonks and I are going to check on Charlie."

"Blimey, he's been following the werewolves for so long, do you think he's found any good information by now?" Ron asked.

"I'm hoping so," Remus said, going to Harry who brightened up with curiosity, exchanging a silent look with Hermione.

"Give him our best, Remus," Ginny said.

"I will," Remus promised her then said to Harry, "Give me a hug, cub."

Harry stood up and hugged him tight. Remus kissed the top of his head, feeling so relieved and happy that his cub was finally safe with them here. It was a giant weight lifted off of Remus, and now he felt like maybe everything could start being okay again. Maybe he and Harry could start learning to live with the knowledge of Severus no longer being with them, as long as they had each other again. "Don't think about war stuff or any terrible rubbish today… Just play Quidditch and be a kid, okay?"

Remus felt Harry hug him tighter. "I'll try," he whispered.

.

.

They found Charlie's camp a mile away from the wards of Malfoy Manor. He looked worn and tired. His hair was a bit longer than the last time Remus saw him. The clean shaven look Charlie always had was now overgrown, his face hidden underneath a beard that was a darker shade of red than the hair on his head.

They greeted him with Molly's food which instantly cheered him up and Remus passed along all of the messages from Charlie's parents and siblings.

"How did the mission go?" Charlie asked as they watched him tuck in, closing his eyes at the first bite of egg and ham. "This is heavenly. It's nice to finally eat mum's food and something that hasn't been cooked over a campfire."

Remus frowned as he thought of the best way to answer Charlie's question. "The mission was successful, Harry's back at the Burrow now but there were…"

Charlie stopped eating, noticing the hesitancy in Remus' voice. His blue eyes were suddenly dark and sad. "Who was it?" he solemnly asked.

"Alastor," Tonks choked out, her eyes watering.

Remus reached out and squeezed her hand.

Charlie saw the gesture, then his eyes went to the small bulge of Tonks' stomach. "Tonks, are you?" He then looked at Remus with confusion, at the way he reached over to hold Tonks' hand to comfort her. "Is that why you haven't been coming here anymore?"

Remus sighed and settled himself in as he told Charlie the whole story of the mission, and pausing to allow Charlie to react to George's missing ear, then continued on telling him everything he's missed during the summer. Charlie kept looking at Tonks who wouldn't meet his eye, her cheeks flushed red.

And watching them… A thought, no…a realization came to Remus. And was it a shock? Was he surprised? He was, Remus found himself deciding. Charlie hid his feelings for Tonks well from everyone.

"Remus and I aren't really together," Tonks said to Charlie. "It's just what everyone was so quick to believe, and I allowed it…even when Remus disagreed with me. I didn't want our baby to be treated any differently for being born out of something Remus and I should never have done in the first place. I want our baby to know that it was born out of love."

"You don't need to explain," Charlie said, the exhaustion Remus had first noticed in him was now more visible, and not just on his face but in his entire body.

Remus suddenly felt like he was intruding on something very private between them.

And before either of them could say anything in return to break the sudden tension, Charlie held his tin cup filled with coffee. "To Moody, who gave this war everything he had."

"Charlie…" Tonks said.

"They've been leaving the manor," Charlie said, pretending as if he hadn't heard Tonks' plea to him. "I've followed them as far as I could without being found. I think it's the pack they are going to. They left on the same path before the full-moon. I just can't follow them long enough to find out."

Remus listened with guilt and dread slowly filling him up. He knew the unspoken words Charlie was kind enough to not say and he could feel Tonks nervously glancing at him. Because Remus could follow them, Greyback and Rowan would want him to follow them. They would lead him to their pack without outright attacking him. They would welcome him as their leader. They had too. If Charlie followed them too far, he risked ending up dead or becoming one of them.

"Don't worry, Charlie, just take care of yourself and don't risk following them anymore. We haven't forgotten you either, Vector is going to relieve you tonight so you can freshen up and rest for Bill and Fleur's wedding," Tonks said.

"Ah, don't worry about me," Charlie said with a soft smile for Tonks. "I'm having a grande ole time with the wolves. It just irks me that I can't follow them as far as I want to. I was just so close the last time…"

Remus could see Charlie was lying. He looked exhausted and ragged, and Remus was sure the loneliness of being out here alone must be getting to him. But all he could do was shake Charlie's hand goodbye and watch him hug Tonks before they Disapparated away from the campsite.

Tonks wanted to join in on Arthur's search for Moody's body once their mission to see Charlie was done. They found Arthur organizing a search party at the now empty house on Privet Drive.

Remus couldn't help but glance at the cupboard door as they made their way to the kitchen. It was a bit jarring to see the house empty of its occupants. To see most of the furniture covered up in plastic sheets and everything closed up and put away. The house was also left in the cleanest state Remus had ever seen a house be in. He wondered if Petunia would ever know that her house was being used as a base if they should return once the war was over.

"Do you think the muggles might notice us going in and out and the Dursleys being missing?" Tonks asked as she tripped over the carpet. Remus grabbed her arm to steady her.

"I think Arthur put some wards up over the house to prevent that. You didn't see the traces of magic over it before we came in?"

Tonks looked at him sheepishly. "I should've noticed." Her voice was small and shadowed in her disappointment and grief for the loss of her mentor.

Before Remus could offer any words of comfort, Arthur opened the kitchen door and beckoned them inside.

"Remus, Tonks, I'm glad to see you two. How's Charlie doing?" He led them to the round kitchen table where maps of the area were all splayed out. Bill was going over a section of it with a serious look of concentration, the scars across his face that Greyback had given him from the battle at Hogwarts in June had healed up nicely without any serious side effects, thanks to it not being a full-moon at the time, although Fleur had mentioned to Remus that she noticed Bill enjoying his steak rare now.

At Arthur's question, Bill tore his eyes away from the maps and looked up at them to hear the news about his younger brother.

"He's managing," Tonks said, telling them the conversation they shared with Charlie and how tired he looked.

Arthur looked relieved to hear that his second son was doing okay. Bill then pushed his father to take a lunch break so he could go tell Molly.

"You know you don't have to do this," Remus said to Tonks as they searched the assigned streets Bill had given them. "I'll understand if you have to sit this out, you should take a few days to grieve for your mentor."

"I'm okay, really, it's better that I keep busy, that I do something that can help the Order right now…" She paused to scan her wand over a few bushes and trees as they passed through the park Remus had seen Harry walking back to Privet Drive from. "You know Alastor was alone? He didn't have much family left, the Order and I were pretty much all he had."

"You meant a great deal to him, Tonks. He was proud of you. I know he was, the way he would talk about you. And he really did die a noble death he would've been proud of."

"I know, everyone keeps telling me that," Tonks sighed. She paused and wrapped her arms around herself.

Remus stood in front of her, watching his friend with deep concern as her grief came back to the surface and suddenly, Tonks just seemed so young to him. Really, what was he thinking allowing them to grow so close? Charlie would've been so much better for her. Why did she choose him over Charlie? Especially when it was clear that Remus couldn't offer what she wanted. Remus wanted to ask, but he felt like it was the wrong time for that. He kept his musings to himself.

"But still, it doesn't make any of this better, it doesn't mean that he should have died that way. He still had years ahead of him. He still had to finish training me. He still had so much to give to the Order. His fight with the war wasn't done yet…" Suddenly Tonks was too choked up to say anymore.

Remus pulled her into a hug. It was the only thing he could think of doing to make any of this better, even though it could never be enough.

They combed their whole assigned area twice before calling it quits and heading back to Privet Drive to cross that section off the map and to be assigned another one.

And that was how the day was spent.

Remus wondered if the search parties were having better luck than them. Every minute they spent searching without finding anything caused Remus' guilt to grow, until it began to feel unbearable to stay silent about it. Especially around Tonks.

"I ran into Severus last night while I was searching with Arthur. That's why I sent him back on his own," Remus finally brought himself to admit once they returned to Privet Drive for the third time to cross out another thoroughly searched section.

Tonks was just about to open the front door. She stopped and turned to face him at his admission, he could see she was connecting the pieces to what Remus wasn't completely saying.

"You don't think he found Alastor last night and took him?" Tonks asked, her voice horrified.

Remus was waiting for her to be angry at him for allowing the Order to search for her mentor's body all day, already knowing the high possibility of them never finding it.

"I… I believe he might have, but I don't have solid proof."

"That's why you haven't mentioned it… You're hoping that we still find Alastor… You're still giving Snape the benefit of the doubt, aren't you?"

Remus couldn't answer that. Perhaps it was the look on his face, or Tonks was just really good at reading him, because her demeanor changed. Her shocked and angry expression at Remus' confession suddenly softened into understanding.

"It's okay, Remus, it's okay… It wasn't wrong to still look. We owe it to Alastor to still try."

And when Remus made to go inside, she stopped him. "I can do it, I can talk to them for you."

"No, Tonks, I'm fine, I can do it," he insisted.

"Remus, stay here, and then we can go somewhere more private to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about."

She only gave him a look, warning him to not argue anymore as they stepped into the hall. Remus sighed with defeat and threw his hands out as a gesture of surrender.

"Just wait here," Tonks said, going to the kitchen door and disappearing on the other side of it, leaving Remus alone in the hallway.

And now that he was alone, standing near that cupboard door, well, Remus couldn't help himself. He opened it, lighting up his wand to see inside. There was a small cot with boxes of cleaning supplies in the back. There were shelves full of forgotten junk and a couple of broken toys. Remus climbed in and layed on the cot, sneezing from the dust and cobwebs inside. He closed the door a bit and turned off his wand light, just to see how dark it was in here with the bit of light coming from the vent on the door.

This was where Harry fell asleep and woke up everyday for the first ten years of his childhood. Remus felt his heart break at the thought, it caused him to gasp out from the sudden pain of it as he imagined his cub trapped in the dark.

"Remus?"

Remus startled and sat up, hitting his head on the ceiling. "Ow, fuck!" he groaned as he climbed out.

"What were you doing in there?" Tonks asked.

Remus shook his head. "Did you talk to Arthur?"

Sensing that he wasn't going to answer her question, Tonks only gave him a peculiar look and said, "He's going to call off the search if they don't find anything by tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea…" He rubbed at the sore spot on his head.

"Remus, you have cobwebs all over your robes…" Tonks stepped forward and began brushing him off. "I can't take my eyes off of you for a second, can I?"

"It's where they kept him…" Remus admitted, his voice heavy from the weight of the meaning behind his words.

Tonks looked at him with a peculiar expression. Remus could see she wasn't understanding him.

"It's why I was so stubborn in keeping watch over Harry… They hurt him, Dora…"

Then understanding finally dawned on her. "That's what brought you and Snape together, isn't it? I've always wondered how you two started co-parenting Harry, it all just happened and no one would ask or talk about it. Dumbledore made it all so private."

"I never told you because it was never my secret to tell. It's Harry's, out of respect for his wishes and for his safety…"

"Hey, then you don't need to explain."

And when Remus didn't reply, she asked, "Remus, do you even have a place to stay now that you don't need to sleep at the hotel anymore?"

Remus shook his head, he still hadn't brought himself to actually try living at the cabin again, and now that the Delacours were set to arrive today from France for their daughter's wedding, Remus didn't want to take up any needed rooms.

"You can stay at my place," Tonks offered.

"Are you sure that is a good idea? I mean people are already thinking that we're married."

"So what's the worst that can happen then? It'll only convince them even more that it's true, and I really don't care."

"But it isn't true, and Alastor isn't around anymore for you to pretend…" Remus stopped, then asked, "What you said to Charlie about you being afraid that our baby could be treated differently for being born out of wedlock, was that true?" The reason why Tonks had started that rumor of them being married was so that her mentor wouldn't think of her as a dumb irresponsible kid who got herself pregnant. Now that Moody was gone, there was no point in holding on to this rumor anymore. But Tonk never said anything to him about what she admitted to Charlie. Remus had been too worried for their kid being treated differently for it possibly being a werewolf, not for it being born out of wedlock. He felt like that was the least of their problems.

"It's one of the many fears I have for our baby," Tonks admitted. Then she began to walk to the front door. "Look, if you don't want to move in, it's fine, it was just an offer."

"Wait, Dora," Remus reached out and took her hand, stopping her. "I would actually like to move in with you…at least for a while until I figure things out… I mean it's not as if I have much of a choice anyway. The Burrow is going to be overcrowded and I'll be stupid to turn your offer away."

Tonks suddenly flashed him a brilliant smile, "Say it again, the part where you called yourself stupid."

Remus sighed out with exasperation.

"We're going to have fun," Tonks laughed. "Come on, let's go get your stuff and settle you in."

It didn't take much for Remus to move in, he only had his rucksack with him. Everything else he owned was at the cabin. Harry had been at the orchard with his friends playing Quidditch and had not noticed Remus' quick stop to the Burrow.

They stood in her living room. Tonks took the rucksack hanging on his shoulder and placed it on the sofa.

"When are you going to tell me about what happened to your guitar?"

"Too much wine happened," Remus said, as he sat down and began to unpack.

Tonks slowly sat on an armchair. "Are you stopping again?" She had admitted to Remus that Arthur told her to rest and refused her offer of doing another search for Moody.

"I'm trying."

Suddenly a meow followed by a warm body pressing against Remus' leg interrupted their conversation. Remus looked down to see an orange tabby weaving in between his legs. His purrs were loud enough to be mistaken for the rumble of Hagrid's motorbike.

"Hello!" Remus greeted, bending down to scratch Oliver's chin, still thoroughly amazed that this cat wasn't afraid of him for being a werewolf.

"Okay," Tonks announced. "Rules are simple enough. Clean up after yourself and don't become friends with my cat."

Remus scoffed at that, "I didn't take you to be the jealous type!"

And with her withering look at him, Remus forced his smile into a serious expression and repeated her rules, "Clean up and don't make friends with your cat, how about me helping you out with rent?"

"Rent for what, kipping out on the couch? Don't worry about that."

"No, I have to contribute," Remus argued.

"Damn it, Remus, can you just accept my help?"

.

.

"Vector!"

Looking a bit bedraggled and thoroughly spooked, Vector finally returned from his mission just before dinner at the Burrow. Remus had been the one to open the door and found himself suddenly trapped in one of Vector's famous bear hugs, his long unfamiliar scruff scraping against Remus' cheek.

"Remus! I'm so happy to see you!"

"What's all this about?" Tonks' voice suddenly popped up. She must've heard Remus' shocked voice, causing her to come to the door as well.

"Tonks, you're here too!" Vector exclaimed with happiness. He threw out an arm and drew her in until she and Remus were both trapped together and laughing.

Once Vector finally released them, that second of exhaustion and fear Remus had seen in Vector, it had disappeared and was replaced with relief and happiness as he took in the sight of his best friends.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked him.

"I made it back here safely, that is all that matters," Vector said as he was ushered inside by Molly.

"Vector! You're back! Have you spoken to Kingsley yet? Was your mission successful?" Arthur asked, welcomingly grasping Vector's shoulder. "It's good to see you here safe."

"I spoke to Kingsley before I came here," Vector said, his blue eyes suddenly darkening and seeing Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione coming downstairs. "Arthur, let's talk where there aren't…" He gestured towards the kids.

"Yes, of course, let's go outside…" Arthur said.

"You lot, go wash your hands and set the table!" Molly ordered the kids before they could react to Vector returning. "Remus, Tonks, I hate to ask but can you make sure they don't eavesdrop?"

"Of course, Molly," Remus said.

"I'll tell you guys everything later," Vector promised Tonks and Remus as he followed the Weasleys outside.

Remus knew the mission had failed. But one wouldn't know if they were sitting at the table listening to the exaggerated version Vector was entertaining the kids with and answering any vampire-related questions they all had. He'd even allowed Molly to pile up his plate with a mountain of shepherd's pie she'd cooked.

But Remus wasn't fooled, and he knew that even though Vector wasn't showing it, the mission had indeed taken its toll on him. It had been only a few weeks, but the damage was still there. The dark circles. His hair long and limp from not being washed was starting to reach his shoulders. The overgrown stubble was more of a beard than anything. He lost a bit of weight, and his blue eyes, they were haunted with whatever he had seen, whatever he had gone through. It wracked Remus with guilt to know that tomorrow morning Vector was to replace Charlie. Another mission so soon after the last one… Noticing this from his seat next to Harry at the table, Remus couldn't help but wonder who Vector was reminding him of suddenly…

After dinner, Remus and Tonks sat out with Vector on the back porch, drinking cold butterbeer and enjoying the warm summer night together as they talked. The voices of the Weasleys mingling with the kids and the Delacours could be heard from the open living room window as Vector finally told Tonks and Remus about his mission, how he had gone to all the nearest vampire covens to convince them to help with the war against Voldemort.

"They wanted no part in the war. They were all just more interested in telling me about how it was such a waste to spill blood that wasn't going to be drunk. Nothing I could offer them would convince them to help us."

Remus visibly shuddered from that. For once he was glad that maybe it was better to be a werewolf over a vampire. He would take turning into a wolf once a night for every month over than having to spend his days avoiding the sun, dealing with being dead and drinking only blood. To want to hurt people and to be able to remember it.

"I'm lucky I didn't become one or ended up being their dinner…" Vector grimaced. "They kept calling me pretty, I think that is what kept them from sucking me dry as soon as they saw me approaching them…" His complexion going a bit white at his own choice of words.

"Vector," Tonks could only say with horror.

"Don't expect any help from them!" he suddenly spat. "That whole mission was just a failure and a waste from the start." The shame and disappointment dripped out of those words.

"You tried," Remus pointed out, knowing exactly how humiliating and hard it was to return from a failed mission. "No one blames you. Vampires are hard to work with… All they want is blood. At least we know they aren't interested in joining the war, at least we won't have to worry about them joining Voldemort."

Tonks choked on her butterbeer from the name and Vector managed to turn a shade paler. "Merlin, Remus, you really enjoy throwing that name on us, do you?" he scolded, reaching over and patting Tonks' back.

Remus shrugged, a bit bothered by Vector's harsh tone of voice. "It's just a name. Makes no sense to fear it. It only gives him more power over you."

Once her coughing stopped, Tonks wiped her mouth with her sleeve and asked Vector, "Are you ready for your next mission tomorrow morning? It really does suck that you just came back and have to leave again. I wish they could have picked anyone else."

"That's the thing," Vector grimaced. "There is no one else. And after dealing with vampires, I'm sure werewolves would be manageable."

Vector looked at Remus. "They have until the last week of August to find someone to take over. I told Kingsley that. I have to prepare for my classes for fall term."

"You're going back to Hogwarts?" Remus asked.

"Yes, of course, I can't just leave the students without their Arithmancy Professor. What about you, Remus? Defense Against the Dark Arts, that's a subject the students could really use right now."

The thought of walking those halls again, of seeing that empty seat at the staff table. The portrait door in the dungeons with the witch and the black cauldron, and knocking on it to find Severus' quarters cold and empty, or much worse, to find another Potions Master inside… With that in mind, Remus couldn't even bear the thought of returning to Hogwarts.

"Without Dumbledore, I don't think I would even be allowed to teach there anymore," Remus only said.

"You're not even going to fight for your position?" Vector asked with sudden disgust. His blue eyes suddenly hard.

This change in Vector, all night Remus had been seeing glimpses of it. Whatever happened to him on that mission, stayed with him. But this one, it was so sudden and big, and Remus for a second, couldn't recognize his friend.

"Not when it isn't going to be a fair fight. I think it would be safer and smarter if I stay under the radar and focus on working with the Order for now," Remus defended himself.

"Okay, then you can take over the mission once I go back to Hogwarts, or better yet, Remus, why don't you go right now instead of me? It would be easier." Vector looked at Remus with a steady gaze, no longer friendly, no longer familiar. Full of heavy expectations that Remus couldn't meet for him.

And he could only gape at Vector's verbal attack, wondering how their conversation was suddenly turning into an argument. Remus and Tonks fought all of the time, but they always managed to fix it between them. It was how their friendship was, it was their rhythm no matter how terrible the fights had gotten. But Remus and Vector, that wasn't their rhythm to their friendship. They never fought.

Thinking of this, Remus suddenly realized who it was that Vector resembled. It was Charlie. They both shared that same haunted look, full of exhaustion, sick of being on a mission that was failing and still taking everything from them…

Charlie was hurting because of him, because Remus was too selfish and cowardly to take that mission himself.

"What do you say, Remus?"

Remus was left speechless. Vector's icy blue gaze was still on him, his jaw clenching.

"That's what I thought…" Vector shook his head with disappointment. "Just tell me the real reason why you're not going back to Hogwarts then. It's because of Snape, isn't it? Don't use his betrayal to hide behind from doing what is right. Now I understand your refusal to take the werewolf mission, but not going back to Hogwarts? Come on, you're better than that! That snake isn't worth…"

"Enough!" Remus snapped out.

Vector stopped, closing his mouth and angrily looking away.

"Vector?" Tonks said, her brow furrowed with concern. "Why are you attacking him?"

"There you go, taking his side," Vector rounded on Tonks. "After everything you've…"

"I'm not taking any sides, you're just acting like an asshole!" Tonks interrupted, but Vector's last words echoed in Remus' head.

"Am I? Well then, when were you going to tell me about that?" Vector gestured to Tonks' stomach. "Were you going to wait until the next time I see you two and surprise me with a newborn love child?"

There was a horrible silence that followed, heavy and awkward.

"Vector, we were going to tell you," Tonks started.

"You don't need to defend yourselves, congratulations to you both, I'm happy for you," his voice full of disgust, Vector climbed down the porch steps.

"Are you?" Remus couldn't help but say with sarcasm lacing his own voice. He couldn't help it. He understood now. It wasn't just about the mission or Hogwarts or even about the baby. Tonks told Vector about that night. Vector knew and he was upset with Remus for it, had said those things to hurt him back. And like an injured and threatened wolf, Remus had to snap back.

Vector whipped around at that, but he wasn't speaking to Remus this time. He was speaking to Tonks. "Next time you want to come crying to me about something he's done, do me a favor and don't waste my time if you're just going to ignore my advice and get knocked up by him!"

"Hey, don't talk to her that way!" Remus shouted, stepping forward.

"Remus, I never understood why you were friends with Snape. I really don't know why, but then Tonks told me. She came to me crying the day before I left for my mission. She told me what happened and how you rejected her for that traitor. Then I come back and she's pregnant with your child, and how am I supposed to react to that?! I saw the pain you caused her! I told her to choose Charlie, at least Charlie can give her what she wants, something you can't! And now you're playing house with her? What the fuck are you doing, Lupin? You can't love her!"

"You don't have a say in who I could love or choose not to!"

"No, but I'm the one picking up the pieces of what you're breaking," Vector said, gesturing his chin towards Tonks. "You didn't see her crying over you!"

"Vector, there is no need for this, I am fine!" Tonks shouted, horrified. "This happened because of both of us, not just Remus!"

Vector ignored Tonks, his eyes staring into Remus who glared at him. The anger he was feeling towards the person who was supposed to be his friend was causing his wolf to stir inside him.

"Ah, there's the wolf…" Vector said, indicating Remus' golden flecked eyes. "You really should start considering taking the mission, Remus. Look, I've told you, I understand why you're hesitant, but why is Charlie out there for weeks waiting for you to grow a pair? That mission is meant to be yours, not ours. Don't keep me waiting out there for as long as he has."

As Vector said that, Remus turned around and stormed back into the house, slamming the door shut. He could feel Vector's icy blue gaze on him the whole entire time. The kitchen was thankfully empty, meaning no one had seen their argument. Remus leaned against the counter, trying to calm himself down, trying to chase away the truth that Vector had spoken so cruelly to him.

What happened to him on that mission? The Vector that Remus had known, had become one of his closest friends, that wasn't him tonight. He would never have spoken to Remus like that or to Tonks.

He took deep steadying breaths, closing his eyes, chasing his wolf's presence away.

It was time to call it a night, but Remus had to say goodbye to Harry first, but he couldn't when the wolf was growling inside him from the bout of anger and shame Remus was still feeling. He didn't want Harry to see that anything was wrong.

Remus opened his eyes again. He could see Tonks and Vector arguing through the small window on the back door. He could hear the muffled shouts of Tonks calling for Vector to come back. Then it was quiet. Remus drank the rest of his butterbeer then threw the bottle into the rubbish bin as she finally came inside.

All they could do was stare at each other until Remus broke their silence.

"He left then?" Remus asked, his voice gruff and petulant. He hated the way he sounded. Because even though Vector had been an ass tonight, he was right. He was right and he was the only one brave enough to say all that he said.

The feelings Remus had of himself that morning, all day in fact, returned more powerful than ever. How was a fucking coward, hiding behind the protection of the Order. He had to fucking grow a pair and take the mission…go back to Hogwarts…and he imagined doing those things… But his chest began to tighten, and suddenly he was hearing the howls of the pack that haunted his dreams, and saw Severus' living quarters, cold and empty. Or a stranger possibly living in them, erasing every memory Remus had of himself being happy there with Severus and Harry just months ago. It had only been months..for Merlin's sake, months…and Remus really felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't do it… and oh was he really a coward for it! Vector was right!

"Yeah, he decided to not wait until the morning. Expect Charlie in a couple of minutes," Tonks said, her voice sounding as if her heart had been wrenched out of her chest.

In that case, it really was time to leave. Remus didn't have the heart to see just how exhausted Charlie was sure to look when he arrived. He couldn't take seeing the result of his own cowardice.

"Hey, when were you going to tell me that Charlie has feelings for you?"

Tonks sighed and rubbed a tired hand over her face and into her short violet hair. "Remus, what Vector said out there, don't take it to heart. He's just exhausted, I mean I would be too… And especially from where he came from…"

"But what he said was true."

"Remus, don't let him guilt you into taking the mission or going back to Hogwarts… He doesn't know everything between you and…"

"Papa?" It was Harry at the door, coming from the living room. "Is everything okay?" he asked, looking between Remus and Tonks.

Earlier during dinner, Remus told his cub how he had moved in with Tonks just temporarily until the Burrow wasn't so crowded anymore. Harry had understood after Remus promised he'll still stop by to see him everyday during breakfast and dinner.

"Yeah, cub.. Tonks and I were just leaving. I was just going to find you to say goodnight…"

Harry hugged Remus goodbye, and as he held his son in his arms the worst of the guilt, the worst of his anger towards Vector for being right, the worst of his pain of losing Severus, the tightness in his chest, seemed to lighten just a bit, only for a relieving moment. A moment in which Remus could finally breathe.

And Remus didn't want to let go, didn't want to go back to Tonks' apartment. He wanted to stay here with Harry, but he had no choice but to say good night and promise his return first thing tomorrow morning.