"I'm worried about him."
"Why?"
"If we leave - when, we leave - who's gunna look after him?"
"He'll survive, Dylan!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Then why's he been seen on the edge of a bridge?"
Erin sighed deeply, remembering the way her heart had stopped at Dylan's words. She had escaped careers night to the solace of the bathroom, to splash cold water on her face and try to calm the raging terror that had been pulsating through her since then, and that she had tried desperately to hide.
She couldn't let the news she had heard distract her from her plan, the reason she was here in the first place. Ever since the day she had decided to keep her baby, she had known she wanted a better life for him than the one she had been given, and the only one she could offer him here in Hawley. She'd had Tyler, and against all odds had worked her butt off to be the best mum she could possibly be, while also getting them the tools they needed to escape. She couldn't let anything stop her now, and certainly not Vinnie bloody O'Neill.
Although, as much as he was part of what she wanted to get away from, she couldn't deny that she was already on the same page as Dylan before he'd even mentioned the bridge. "Who's gunna look after him?" was a very good question, because she honestly didn't think any of the others could be entrusted with it. For as long as she could remember, it had been either her or Dylan or both as a team who had always kept Vinnie right off the brink of destruction. If they left, when they left, he'd be dancing with the devil.
It was a cold day, and Erin pulled her coat tighter around herself. It was starting to strain, just as all her clothes were now, as her mid-pregnancy bump seemed to grow with each day. She thanked the lord for the short trip and that she wouldn't have to feel the winter wind for long, but when she reached her house she was greeted by a concerning sight. Vinnie sat on her doorstep, dressed completely inappropriately for the weather, staring at a spot on the floor and not even noticing her arrival.
"Vin?"
He looked up, and attempted a smile, which looked more like a grimace. "Oh, alright Erin love. You er, you said you wanted some help putting that cot together so er, thought I'd come over now."
"How long have you been waiting?" she asked as she unlocked the door.
"Not long." he answered, stepping inside. "Came over about two o'clock."
Erin furrowed her brow. "Vin, that was four hours ago!"
"Was it?" He didn't seem too disturbed by this, or else he was so disturbed already that nothing more would make a difference. He hadn't even noticed that she had wrapped a dressing gown around him, so she assumed it was probably the latter. Judging by the bags under his eyes and the vacant look within them, his dishevelled clothing and distinct smell, and the monotone quality to his voice - today was not a good day.
Erin busied herself with making them both a cup of tea, and the arrival of it in his hands seemed to alert him slightly. "Right, where's this cot, then?"
"Upstairs." she said, pushing the instruction manual into his hand. He stared at the cover of it, and his lip began to tremble. "Vinnie, what is it?"
He remained quiet for a moment, then whispered "It's my mums birthday today."
Erin felt his pain within her, whipped the manual out of his hands and wrapped her arms around him. "No." he struggled. "No, if you hug me I'm gunna cry."
"You cry away." she soothed, rubbing his back firmly. "My arms are always here for you to have a cry."
Her hands shook as she took hold of the sink, taking deep breaths and trying to think of anything but Vinnie perched on a bridge, legs dangling and his mind jumping to impulsive thoughts. He'd have been nowhere if it wasn't for her and Dylan, everyone knew that. What they didn't really know was that she'd have been nowhere without him too. Not only would she not have her son that she adored - although even he was oblivious to that - but there was a good chance she probably wouldn't have survived at all. Ronnie liked to brag to everyone that he was the reason Erin did okay, that when they were left without either parent he was the one who stepped in and kept her out of the care system, but the truth was his involvement was very little.
The first time Erin ever really stole anything for herself was when she stole Vinnie. She remembered the day Ronnie had brought him home, a new friend which completely baffled her - who'd want to hang out with Ronnie? Of course, it was only later that she'd learnt this was just how Vinnie was, never writing anyone off and always willing to befriend those who seemed lonely. He quickly learned that Ronnie was a waste of time, but by then he'd already seen the lack of food and warmth in the house that this younger girl lived in. She'd found him interesting and handsome, so when his conscience had him bring round bags of food she gladly accepted, when she'd normally turn help away out of pride. She'd told him he had to stay for a meal, and from there they had become friends. He'd always looked out for her, protected her from everything and made sure she never went without.
"Get the door!" Erin yelled, before remembering there was only her to do that now. Ronnie had disappeared, and school would be over in a month so as long as she kept quiet, she wouldn't be risking going into care. She shuffled her way downstairs, not really wanting to because it would mean speaking to someone.
She was in no mood for company right now. She'd been looking forward to prom, made sure she'd got good grades so that she would be allowed to go. She'd even managed to save a whole bundle of money by stashing it at a friends house before Ronnie left, so he couldn't get his hands on it and spend it. She'd even had the moment lots of other girls got, where she had spotted the dream dress and it was something she could afford - only, the dream was dashed when she was refused a sale. The woman had taken one look at her and thrown her out of the shop, deeming her to be trouble simply from the way she looked. She didn't know if she was more angry or sad, but either way it made the idea of seeing anyone unpleasant.
Still, she pulled open the door and stopped dead in her tracks. In front of her was a shop mannequin, looking rather worse for wear - but clad in the beautiful satin that had been refused to her. It looked even more beautiful this close up, and she stepped outside to stroke the material. For once, she knew she would feel like a princess. For once, she would get an opportunity that everyone else seemed to have. Whoever had brought this here had given her so much more than a dress, they had given her a chance.
With that, she realised - someone had brought it here. It hadn't just walked here by itself. As the confusion swam, she heard a hedge giggle. On inspection, she could see the top of two heads as people ducked behind it.
"Vinnie O'Neill, is that you?"
He rose from behind it, smiling sheepishly. "And Dyldo." he said, dragging his friend up to join him.
"Alright, Erin." Dylan waved, also looking like a naughty schoolboy.
Erin looked back and forth between the two, and the dress. "Did you steal this?"
"I liberated it." Vinnie announced. "You seemed a bit upset before. And I figured if that woman was gunna be such a snarky old cow, it deserved a better home with you anyway."
"One of the few times I am completely on board with his daft schemes." Dylan grinned. "You'll look brilliant in it."
"Stunning. Hawley's very own supermodel." Vinnie nodded triumphantly. "You deserve it, kid."
She couldn't be entirely sure, but Erin thinks that was the day she had fallen in love with him. The whole falling was a little bit hazy, a slow process that she hadn't cottoned on to until much later. Love wasn't exactly something she was surrounded by, she had no role models or an abundance of it thrown her way, it was just something that happened to people on TV or in books. As a teen, whether it was even real had been a mystery to her. She had not yet experienced the overwhelming protection and adoration she had for Tyler, or even the unrelenting comfort and respect she shared with Dylan.
What Erin had felt for Vinnie was so different from what she knew now. Fleeting moments, blissful seconds of an extraordinary bond that couldn't be explained. She preferred to think of them in a seconds format - the number would be higher than minutes or hours, and therefore trick her brain into thinking it had lasted longer. Whether it was a slight touch or a genuine smile, a funny rant or a deep conversation, those seconds added up. She had never tried to turn them into anything bigger than they were down to her fear, no one would ever think of Vinnie as stable but he was the only stability she had ever had. The only constant from the minute he had appeared in her life, even if in certain times his place was more magnetic than others.
That didn't, however, mean that he'd never tried. And how much sweeter it had been than anyone would ever know, even if they did discover it had happened. Only Erin remembered the details, and she wasn't going to share them.
The couch seemed to be swallowing her, allowing her to sink into the cushions and the gaps, at a rate that made her head swim. Erin had the vague thought that maybe she had indulged a little too much in the drink, but she didn't care. It had been one of those nights that would leave her abs toned to hell from all the laughing she had done. Her favourite moment, perhaps, had been watching Vinnie attempt to strut around the living room in her heels, almost breaking his neck and shouting "How the fuck do you women do this and not look like you're being bummed!"
The laughter had died down a little now.Since Tommo had been passed out on the floor for an hour, and everyone else had filtered out one by one before that, she was left alone with Vinnie to just aimlessly talk. They'd already spent a whole five minutes calmly debating the best flavour of Nesquik. These were those blissful seconds that she wanted to pause within, forgetting about the world and those bigger things that everyone else thought was so important.
"Shit, I should get going. You look tired, love."
"No, don't go. You're hammered, stay here."
Vinnie smiled. "Alright, if you're sure. Well you better grab me a blanket or something, it's bloody freezing in here."
"No it's not, you're just skinny." Erin laughed. "Come on, come and get in my bed."
"Ummm..." Vinnie panicked. It wasn't often girls invited him into their bed, and Erin was doing it so nonchalantly.
"Look, Tommo can't stay there on the floor. We need to move him to the couch, so you'll have to share with me. Besides, I don't like being on my own so you'd be doing me a favour."
Those were the magic words that Erin knew could unlock something within Vinnie, and make him do whatever she wanted. She wasn't planning on anything other than his presence, she wasn't a liar, but if Vinnie felt he was helping her in some way he'd run in front of traffic. He nodded, and together they roused Tommo and dragged him to the couch.
"S'goin' on?" Tommo slurred.
"You can't sleep on the floor. We're putting you on the couch." Erin soothed him, brushing the hair from his face and then making her way upstairs.
"Where are you going to sleep?" He asked Vinnie pointedly, narrowing his eyes.
"I, erm, I'm... I'm going up with Erin." Vinnie ruffled his hair and tried to steady himself on his feet, which wasn't easy.
Tommo giggled. "Always gettin' people laid." He pointed to himself, beaming with pride. "You're welcome!"
"Oh shut up, you massive bellend." Vinnie smacked his head, before following Erin to the bedroom. When he reached there, she was taking the accessories out of her hair and he gulped.
"How do you, erm, how should we..."
Erin shook her head, amused. "You take the far side. The amount I've had to drink, I'll be getting up for a wee every five minutes."
Vinnie nodded, went to undress but thought better of it. Instead he climbed in, and scooted right over so she'd have as much room as possible. She clearly wasn't as worried about it as he was, stripping into her underwear and climbing in beside him. She gave him an odd look.
"Are you really going to sleep in all that? You can't be comfy." She frowned. He removed his sweatpants under the cover, and threw them to the side, looking embarrassed.
Erin inched closer, and lifted Vinnie's arm so she could tuck herself into it. For a moment she thought she saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes that was immediately dismissed and replaced by stoic care. He placed a kiss on her head, and just as she was about to drift off, his hand trailed up her side all the way to her face, and rested there. She opened her eyes to find him staring into them, overcome by his needs. He leaned in and kissed her, tenderly at first but then deeper.
Erin knew she was frozen. She'd thought about this moment many times, what it would be like, but now that it was happening she couldn't will her body to move. She was so angry with herself, she should be embracing it and taking what she wanted. Vinnie sensed her reluctance and pulled away, clearly furious with himself.
"Sorry. You were just being nice and, fuck, I'm sorry. Why can't I just be fucking normal?"
"Vin... do you want to?" Erin bit her lip, never knowing exactly where Vinnie's mind was.
Vinnie growled. "You have no idea how much." He cursed Tommo for having put the idea into his head in the first place.
"Well, then." Erin smirked, knowing she was wanted. "I think you should do whatever you want."
Vinnie didn't need any more invitation. He had his way with her, but every blissful second was punctuated with tender care. Erin had never felt so protected in one of these moments before, and had wanted it to go on forever.
There had been a mixture of feeling the next morning as they woke. Erin was confused at first, feeling a body next to her and opening her eyes to see Vinnie there. But she had felt the dull ache in her groin, and remembered everything. In contrast, he hadn't. He'd been absolutely baffled to wake in Erin's bed, and asked her why he was there. He'd asked if anything had happened, and she had lied. She was partly hurt that he had forgotten, but a voice inside her told her that it was a good thing. He was so important to her, she didn't want to lose that through the awkwardness of having spent the night together. She had no idea at the time that it would be the night that made her a mother.
She was going to miss Vinnie something enormous when she left - because that was just it, bridge or no bridge she had to leave. Vinnie may be important, but Tyler would always be more so. She could already imagine the pain she would feel without him in her life, it would be far greater than any loss she had experienced before. Vinnie had always been the scuffed and scratched love of her life. But now, she loved Dylan too, she really did. She'd never expected to fall for Dylan either, but she'd come to be so fond of all his little ways. Besides, he was a trustworthy place for her and Tyler, and would have a place in their new lives - something that Vinnie just couldn't be.
Dylan had been right, though. Someone needed to look after him. Erin though for a moment, and inspiration struck. She rifled through her bag, pulling out a notepad and a pen, and began to write a letter to the one person other than Vinnie who had taken care of her.
Dear Sandy...