Nemuri covers my eyes and her lips hover near my ear, "Merry Christmas, Loverboy." she whispers. She wraps her arms around me and I look down at how she's holding me.
No sexy lingerie, just a cozy soft sweater and the TV being on tuned to some Christmas special she liked to watch as a kid. She nuzzles my hair and I settle in further to watch the hokey special with a smile on my face.
It's one of those quiet moments with the one I absolutely adore. Her family invited us over for Christmas Day and of course we're going to go. But her present was simple because I never really needed much. Nemuri and I just have this level of understanding where we just don't need much to be happy with each other. At least I hope so. Its been a while since the last Arson. Deep down all I can think about is that Dabi takes days off too.
But that would be a lie. Given that he's gotten more attention he probably stopped to let the 'heat' die down. Heh. See, I got jokes too. Anyway, Nemuri and I just cuddle and watch Christmas movies together and I hope it's a good tradition. When we both fall asleep there's just this feeling of pure peace. Not that it was just a nice night but at the fact that this was the first actual Christmas I'd have in maybe years. I mean Mom and Dad DID celebrate it with everyone but once Touya died it kind of shot in the knee.
After Mom left it completely died out for years. Even the ones before went away because of how bad my recovery was for my mental state. Whatever tomorrow holds I hope it isn't as bad as I think it'll be.
When we get into the car for the trip over, Nemuri smiles and breathes in deeply. I never really knew her as a nervous person but here she is kind of worried.
"What's wrong?" I ask, "Is it about you-know-who?"
"Yeah, he hasn't struck at all and it's got me a little worried." she looks down at my hand and grabs it. She keeps a good handle on it when we get on the road but it still nags at me even when I know we should be okay.
Maybe we weren't 'okay' but some other variant of it.
"Wait, you've never had a Christmas before?!" Ayaka gasps, "Why?! Is it because of your dad being a-" I nod and she sighs.
"What was it like, bro?" Neruteno wonders, "Was Endeavor just a dick the whole time or-"
"Neru, I'm not sure if he wants to talk about it." Aikita mumbles from beneath her hood, "Because I sure wouldn't."
"No no, sis. It's fine." I raise my hand and shake it a little, "It's just that my family fell apart and my Dad basically found no need to keep celebrating it."
"Well you don't have to worry about that anymore, sweetie." Nemuri says and leans against me as the others set the table. Fuwame grins and leans against his hands.
"So... when can we expect grandkids?" he smiles and chuckles as Ayaka throws a little pillow at him, "Okay, okay. Can't fault me for asking!"
I look at Nemuri and she smiles at her father, "Dad, we aren't there yet. Koyurei's working through some things at the moment and I would much rather focus on my career as a teacher."
"You're teaching now, sis?" Neruteno asks, "UA, right?"
"Where else but my alma mater?" Nemuri puffs up her chest, "That and it's my sweet hubby's too!" warm fuzzies fill my chest at that. She's so proud of me for no reason other than she just is.
"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's dig in!" Ayaka exclaims and we all thank her for the food and begin to dig in. Everything just seems so... happy. The decorations absolutely everywhere like Christmas threw up in their house all gaudy but I still don't know how to feel about all of it. Eggnog. Christmas carols playing in the speakers. All of it just... being normal. Or at least I think its normal. Everyone opens presents. (I got more GoRangers merch, a thermos, and a book I've wanted, Paradise Lost.)
But the whole time all I can think of is how happy I am. I haven't stopped smiling since I got here. But somehow I never feel out of place here. Somehow they like me and want to be around me even though I feel like I don't deserve it.
Fuwame, Neruteno, and I are left with the cleanup but we all take to it like ducks to water.
"You know what? I'm real happy." Fuwame huffs out a satisfied sigh and we both continue to clean up.
"You've made my little girl happy, Koyurei. She can't stop talking about how good things are between you two. Every time I ask her-"
"Maybe it's 'cause you keep asking her, Dad." Neruteno pipes up with a cheeky grin, "It's almost like you're waiting for an excuse to get out the baseball bat."
"Wait are you waiting for an excuse to beat me up?" my voice warbles, "Because that's really comforting, Dad..." he blinks and lets out a laugh.
"HA! Nah, if I really wanted you gone- I know how to disappear people. Something the Romans used to do. Disappearing their worst enemies or victims from history." he pats my shoulder and I look down at him almost like he wasn't joking.
"Kidding, I'm kidding." he laughs, "Seriously, you always take things so literally."
"Dad..." Neruteno shakes his head, "Take it easy." That only made me feel worse. Not that I'm against the feeling of being emasculated, god knows I've been for years. So often that I'm used to it.
"I mean, that's just what I'm like." I focus on the dishes, "I can't help it." my mood sours and all I can think about is other Christmases. Endeavor would consume every waking moment but at least Mom would TRY to get us something to distract us.
But no video games, no movies, no toys for me and Shoto. We were the trainees. The ones forced to fight even though we didn't want to. I step away for just a moment so I could call my mother and wish her a happy holidays.
The line rings and well, I just leave a message.
It'll get to her.
Eventually.
When she gets it back.
"Hey mom. It's Koyurei. I was just calling to wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. I know it's been hard for you lately and I hope Fuyumi and Natsuo are doing okay." I take a shaky breath, "I just... I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm jumping at shadows and... and I'm scared."
All I can do is imagine how she'd answer. How she'd feel. Endeavor kept the phone on and charged up, and I know her voice mailbox is probably full of me just rambling.
"I want to know what to do. I want... I don't know what to do. I want that happy ending, I want the house and the kids... but... I..." I don't notice Nemuri gently taking the phone out of my hand and pulling me into her arms.
"Hey." Nemuri soothes, slowly guiding me to sit in her lap, "I was wondering where you went."
"I... I'm having a bad day." I mumble almost ashamed that I'm still so immature. That I'm still hurt and I might hurt others with my problems. That on one of the happiest days of the year I'm so bummed out and tired.
Nemuri smooths my hair and kisses me on the forehead, "It's okay. I know you are."
I think back to Fuwame's question. How I'm not ready and how every thought I had about a little kid version of me and Nemuri mashed together would turn out to be hurt or neglected. How I would mess everything up.
My wife holds me, grounds me in the moment where the cold air of the morning and the sun glints off the snowy ground. Where its me and her. Just like always. Just like it has been for almost a few weeks or so at this point.
"I'm just... I'm worried I'm going to mess this all up." This idea was shot down almost instantly by Nemuri's outright refusal.
"No. You're not going to mess this up. Everyone has bad days. Even I do. But you've been so jumpy lately."
"It's because Dabi's still out there and I can't do anything about it. It's been gnawing at me all this time." a lump of raw emotion lodges in my throat, "If we're gonna have kids I'm scared that he'll come after them too."
"Then we'll find him." Nemuri says.
"I hope so." There's a soft huff and I know that the battle lines might be drawn. All that needs to be done is throwing the gauntlet. When we finally get back inside it seems like everyone's been settled in and watching another special.
That's when something glows from the corner of my eye. Turning towards it I see the glint of blue flames calling to me from outside. I get up and kiss Nemuri on the cheek.
"I'll be right back, Nemuri." I mutter and sneak over Neruteno and Aikita to get outside to investigate.
The frigid air slices through my coat like a sharp blade and everything just becomes even sharper and my boots crunch through the snow and ice popping. All I could do is try to follow the heavy scent of ash and smoke in the air. I don't know what to think, all I can do is snap into a combat mode.
Dabi wasn't acting for a long time and its almost the new year. It's right after Christmas and I bet there isn't long for him to keep going. The wide heavy shadows of the buildings tent the glow of streetlights. Almost LED, maybe even Florescents? Yellow, harsh and white, and there's a figure standing haloed under the light.
"Dabi, I know its you." I snarl, "What's your deal this time?" he slinks out of the light and towards me almost like something out of a horror movie. Jerking, shambling, and stomping towards me almost like those Butoh dancers that freaked me the hell out when Dad took us to a performance once.
"Don't you just love Christmas, Koyurei?" Dabi asks me with the slight crinkle of burnt flesh and that same stench invading my nose. He reaches into a bag he brought with him and even though it's a little charred, drops a present near me. I don't know what the hell he wants or why he pops up at random times.
"Why do you do that?" My voice rises with the fire I knew so well, "Why do you keep on stalking me and Nemuri? What is it?"
Dabi looks at me, hurt in his eyes, "Why?" but then a smile gently spreads on his face, "Because you're my brother, and I want to make sure you're okay." he leans against the wall and that smile never leaves his damn face.
"I can take care of myself." I huff.
"And a bang-up job you're doing." he scoffs, "I'd give you and Midnight two or three years tops. Heroes will always put their reps before you. You really had it good when you were a sideki-" I grab him by the collar and drag him close.
"Why?! Because I was close with Dad?! Get outta here with that shitty reason!" I snap, "Give me a better one!"
"Because your life was your own, Koyu." he huffs, "Not bowing to the whims of your mistress and pretending to like it. I know you, I know what you want, and this..." he motions towards Nemuri's house and where her family were waiting.
"This isn't it." he looks sad, "See? You've been chasing a family when I'm right here. I've always been there." he touches my chest where my heart rapidly beats from the flames and the fact that I'm about to rip his face off.
"We're twins. We feel each other's pain, we know what's wrong with ourselves." he hisses out a laugh, "Why else do you think you rushed so fast into the other times? To fill a void I left in your heart!" I drop him quickly and he lets out a wheeze and a hearty hiss of a laugh.
"You're insane..." I snarl, "Leave me and my wife alone."
"And there's the rub!" he snaps, "There, right there. You're weak. You let me go. You don't have the guts to put me to rest before I put dear old dad and our precious mommy to rest! But you know what day it is, right?"
He snaps his fingers and that's when a wave of heat hits me in the chest sending me careening backward into the far wall of the alleyway. Flames leap from him like an old friend running to hug me but I skid back onto my feet.
Breath wheezes out of my mouth and my arms stay locked as my eyes fix on the blue flames, "See, Koyurei? You can't move! You're still so scared!" a Butoh-shaken lash of flames jerks out of Dabi's hand and my ice covers me just barely.
Heat and pain douses me in pure blue.
No.
No.
No no no no no.
The flames. They're everywhere! Where's Nemuri?! Where're her family?! Mom?! DAD?! Anyone?! Mist and fractals break off my body as Dabi kneels.
"Come with me, Koyurei. We can beat him together. All of them. We can show them just how strong we really are." he smiles, "We can be more than heroes, we can be more than villains, we can be symbols!"
His voice fades out and all I can hear is their screams. Mom and Dad screaming at each other, Shoto crying and holding onto me with tiny pudgy hands because he was still little, Fuyumi hugging me so tight that I swore she could've cracked a rib, and Natsuo sticking bandages on my burns with tears in his eyes.
Save me! Save me, please! I cry my throat raw. The smoke covers the night sky and its just like Sekoto all over again. It's all over again. Then I imagine Nemuri running towards me through the flames and pulling me close. But she feels real. No! Don't run into the flames, Nemuri! Not you too!
A scream rips me out of my sleep and blue light flashes to life outside. In seconds we're all looking outside to see Koyurei surrounded by a burning inferno of blue flames. Kneeling in front of him is his mirror image and I head out despite Dad yelling at me.
"Nemuri! Stay back! He'll be-" the door slams shut behind me and I dash through the flames as they lick at my clothing and I barrel into my husband. He's screaming and crying even through the flames and smoke.
"Save me... save me, please..." he hisses. Dabi stands over the two of us and grins as Koyurei clings to me desperately.
"Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. Have you, dear sister?" Dabi taunts with a huge grin and I glare up at him with some kind of rage reaching into my heart with the kind that I remembered back when...
"Nemuri. No." Koyurei tugs at my arms, "No no no."
I look back down at him, "It's going to be okay, Koyurei. It's okay." my voice warbles a bit because I thought I'd never see him like this again. Scared and bowed, clinging to me like a child all over again.
His spooked dulled eyes stare into space. Tears hissing into steam as Dabi vanished in a flash of fire and smoke. Dad, Mom, Neruteno, and Aikita all ran outside. But I just hold my sobbing husband, and the same dark thoughts push their way into my head.
The thought that I could do anything with my quirk.
Even kill.