There are always things in life that we wish there were no example, there are times when you filled with hormones of a teenager and go crazy, or times when you confuse politeness with affection and get horny with a girl who apparently already has a boyfriend who also could easily break your spine in half. And there are also times when you drink too much, start driving... and end up crashing your new car into a tree like it was a freaking parking lot.
These are the times when you get caught up in life's difficulties and there's nothing you can do about it. I've had stories... enlightening experiences.
It's called 'An attack of pure stupidity'.
To talk about it, I think I should tell you first a little bit about myself. I was a reincarnated person, a college student who turned 20 in 2016 and then died to wake up in a different age.
I don't remember how I got reincarnated, but I must have been hit by a truck or something... You know, the famous isekai delivery service. Anyway, one day in 2016, I was reincarnated in the past. I'm not sure what time it was.
I think it was... very old. It was a time when mystical concepts such as witchcraft, gods, and demons were common. It was a time when everyone accepted these things without feeling the least bit uncomfortable.
But that also turned out to be because the magic was real. Although I never saw it in an extraordinary way, but it was a constant that left behind the advance of technology.
I was born as the son of a merchant, and that's how I grew up. For a reincarnated person, my life was pretty simple, or rather, I had surprisingly small things to do. My family was neither rich nor poor, so I lived a normal life, albeit a bit boring from my modern perspective back then.
To be honest, when I was in my 30s, I had almost forgotten that I was a person with a different life than the others, that's okay. A humble story, but it couldnt be avoided.
I didn't have any special abilities or anything like that, unlike the typical reincarnation stories I read once as a teenager.
Instead, at least the person I was had a peaceful life. A simple life, a simple death. That was how it was supposed to be.
But then... One day, out of nowhere, I had a very regretful and stupid idea and I do not even remember why. Therefore, I have done what I shouldnothave done, as I said at the beginning.
At that moment I thought, "Oh, I'm a genius!"
Oh, how wrong I was. And it all started as a little joke.
That flash of "genius" was writing my own autobiography. I don't get it. you're probably thinking, 'What could a guy who hasn't done much leave in an autobiography?' Yes, it's true. That's exactly what I was thinking even when I came up with the idea.
There's no point in writing about my life as it really is. I knew it too. No one is interested in a diary or essay from a time when you don't need anything to know how things were.
But at the same time, he also knew that, even in the future, there was no way anyone could check the past in a proper way... That meant that no matter what I wrote in my autobiography, people wouldn't be able to confirm its authenticity.
Oh falsehood, mother of suffering.
When I came to this realization, I regained my fragile self-consciousness as a reincarnated person, immensely strengthened as the knowledge of past times flowed, and I thought to myself; "I want to etch my name in history as a hero for future generations."
My actions were swift. I spent my entire fortune buying an expensive enchanted recording medium and wrote my story on it.
I used my own name, but of course, the hero written on it was anything but me.
I wanted that hero to be absolutely badass, and I wrote about him as if he had actually existed in that it's an autobiography in the sense that I wrote it, but in reality, it's more like a 'third-person record.'
The story proceeds in the form of a record of an anonymous person who wanted to write about the activities of the hero (me).A strange ancient epic mixed with more modern writing.
To be honest, I'm not a good writer, but I'm glad it turned out well. In any case, it felt good to have the sense of accomplishment that an amateur went out of his way to write something, even if it was a light novel about a nervous SI. I also suppose that reading many masterpieces and remembering enough of them them in a time where they didnt exist helped, that and my knowledge in architecture.
Anyway, I was okay with the 'The bad guy shows up and they're all in trouble, so the hero (me) challenges him and defeatshim in a hand-to-hand combat they all live happily ever after!' cliché. However, it would have been boring if that was the only thing that happened, so I made up several difficulties (quests), and the heroes solved everything with their power of love and wisdom, blah, blah, blah, thus coming to a great conclusion.
In the end, the sorcerer appeared, who was the ultimate abomination of evil; A overlord who can dry up the oceans, drop a meteorite that can wipe out the human race, and also stop time (and more). He and the hero end up fighting each other, and the hero manages to defeat him with the price of his own life. Although peace has come to the world, there is no one to remember the hero except the friend, writer of the story...
And that's how my novel ends. Otherwise, it would have been unnatural for my name not to appear once in the documents and records of the same period in which it was written. Of course, if people knew I was writing such a thing, they would definitely think I was crazy, so I added a note. at the end it said, "This record will be sealed until the predestined time," and then I put it in a metal capsule and buried it deep underground.
'Well, it's not really that dramatic, so future generations will think this is a silly fairy tale, but at least it gives them hope that there could be a hero as big as this,' I mused , they might even respect me a little.'
With such a future in mind, I sealed the story.
I was a fucking idiot.That was clear.
And so, this is the record of my reincarnation. If you're thinking, "What a stupid thing to do," you're wise.
If you're thinking, 'I'd like to try that...' You should commit seppuku, or better, jump off a cliff and end it all there. This is my advice as an expert.
You definitely shouldn'tdo this. If you do, you'll end up with a tragedy like mine.
What tragedy, you ask? Well... how... Summoned as afakeheroic spirit for the Holy Grail war, does it surprise you?
"From the Seventh Heaven, assisted by three great words of power—"
Believe it, because when I heard those words long after my death I was more astonished.
There was a feeling. A feeling of success, a feeling that cannot be described in simple words, although of course, I can try.
As if it was an omen of a powerful spirit, a blue bolt shot out of the magic circle that was said to summon the heroes of the dead to this world.
"-Get out of the ring of restrictions,O Holy Protector of Balance!"
A man eaten away by despair was standing in front of the circle, the man was being quickly absorbed from his body.
As if to make up for it, the disgustinginsectson his body run rampant, devouring his flesh with frenzied glee.
The torture was so intense that it was hard to even describe it aspain, so exhausting that he nearly died from the sensation alone.
However, the price is certainly worth it. As his consciousness and vision faded, he saw someone standing in front of him. A man, who wasn't there just now
"It's a success...!" That was all he managed to say.
Even though he hasn't set foot on the battlefield yet, his body was already so exhausted that he couldn't even move.
He planted his palms on the ground and desperately tried to stand up, only to fail miserably. As he fell to the ground, his chest slammed against the cold stone floor, drawing a mouthful of blood from his lungs.
"Hmm... it seems that you really managed to summon something..." Zouken, who has been watching the whole show from behind until now, stepped forward with a sickly smile stuck on his pale and withered face.
The old man looked at the heroic spirit with a scrutinizing look, then shook his head with a sigh of disappointment.
"I can't feelanypower from this specter. A third-rate magician would do better." At these words, Kariya's mind went blank for a moment.
No way, did it fail? No, the summoning was definitely done. If so, why...?
"Ah... I see. It's true that I'm no different from a mere mortal right now. That vermin... his curses still linger upon me, even in death." The Servant opened his mouth, disregarding the old man who seemed to be judging him in a deep and powerful voice, but with a touch of tenderness in it.
It was like the voice of a... father. To Kariya, her father was, at least on the outside, that abomination of an old man.
However, from this heroic spirit, he could feel the warmth that only a 'father' could emit, a calming aura that distorted and depressing thoughts cannot penetrate.
The Servant who was described by Zouken as 'no better than a third-rate mage' slowly approached Kariya and got down on one knee. He raised his hand with a reassuring smile and gently stroked the part of Kariya's face that was now deformed and paralyzed.
"My teacher." Revenge, regret, and compassion swirl inside your fragile body. If you can save yourself from this distortion by obtaining the Holy Grail, I will help you to the end. What's your name? There was something in his voice that Kariya couldn't resist, something that urged him to obey.
Oddly enough, it also gave him strength. Without realizing it, Kariya lifted her body and looked at her Servant.
"I'm Kariya..." In this war, I must get the Holy Grail. I don't have much time left. Servant, I want to know your name too." Surprisingly for Kariya, it wasn't hard to open her mouth.
As if a faint fire had ignited in the depths of his cold body, the heat filled his fingertips.
'It's definitely thanks to this man,' Kariya thought. It didn't look like he was using magic, but he could definitely feel it.
The man was silent at Kariya's words for a short time.
"Didn't you call me because you wanted to? I thought you used a catalyst to summon me-"
'No, I chose the Servant Berserker,' he thought of saying, and then noticed the anomaly in the man in front of him, no matter how he looked at it, it wasn't a Berserker. And for some reason, the ability granted to Masters to see the status of their Servant didn't work.
Instead of a haze, the information seemed to have been completely blocked since he thought that if he could talk to each other, then he must have a low skill level in madness, but he couldn't confirm it either.
"I... I was going to call Berserker. I am sure I will provide the catalyst to call Sir Lancelot"
"I'm sorry, but I'm not this Sir Lancelot besides, I'm also not a Berserker"
Kariya let out a disappointed sigh. He immediately noticed his rudeness and hurriedly apologized.
It's a terrible insult to be disappointed just because it wasn't the Servant I was targeting, and after you summoned him for your own convenience, that is. In the end, the responsibility fell on Kariya himself.
His Servant seemed to be quite tolerant of nature and waved his hand, telling Kariya not to worry about it. It was a gesture like that of a modern person.
However, even such a joyful gesture seemed to have a touch of dignity when he did so. Kariya was still unsure what kind of heroic spirit it is, or what era it comes from.
In any case, seeing that Kariya and the Servant were creating a somewhat relaxed atmosphere, the old abomination, who seemed to be irritated by the mere fact that they were talking amicably, squirmed in displeasure.
"I even helped you prepare the catalyst and yet still..." Zouken sneered in disgust.
"I'm not even sure what to make of this charade," the old man spat venomously. Even with the catalyst, you can't summon the Heroic Spirit you wanted, and the Servant you managed to summon is of the lowest rank. I knew it was a mistake to spend even a little time with you. A failure like you should have had a meaningless death at the end of a meaningless life and nothing more"
The Servant gently stopped Kariya, who was about to shout at the brazen insult. And when he saw his servant bow down to the old worm, he became even angrier.
No matter what kind of heroic spirit one is, they are heroes recognized by the people. It's not something an abomination like that old worm should take lightly.
He clenched his fists as if he was about to give that old man a good beating, and then relaxed them. It didn't make sense. This demon could not be killed by such physical means.
It would only lead to ridicule and unnecessary effort. Now, Kariya wasn't in perfect condition, and even if he was, he still wouldn't be able to feel angry at the old man and disgusted with himself for how he obeyed this demon's orders.
After letting Kariya hear a few more insults, Zouken walked out of the warehouse. Kariya was quite annoyed, but the man looking at him with an affectionate look quickly developed it to his senses. Kariya took a deep breath.
That's right, you shouldn't be bothered by that worm.
Cursing him would likely provide more entertainment for his twisted mind and a swift death for him. Realizing this, Kariya calmed down. As his anger subsided, he finally realized that there was something he hadn't checked yet due to all the confusion.
One, he had no real reason to be so angry at Zouken and two...
"That's right. I haven't heard your name yet... I hope I am a hero I know." The man laughed dryly. He seemed to be indicating that it was a silly question, but he also seemed to be hiding something else.
"I've only been here for a short time. I really don't know how much I'm known in this world, but I'll tell you my name anyway..." The man held out his hand.
After a moment, Kariya realized that it was a handshake and quickly helped him.
It was a big hand. The skin was rough, and there were countless scars, both deep and superficial, etched everywhere. It was the hand of a warrior.
"My name is Halmeus. I have been summoned to this world as a servant of class #̵̡̡̨̧̖̫̗̺̙̖̳͎̖͎̤̙̪̠͗̔̉̎̾̀͛̐̊͜ͅ$̸͕̭͉̯͕̤͕͓͙̘̹̤͚̘̠̆͑"̶̯̲̩̫͙̗̰͎̳̠͕̣̠͙̘̪̣̮̽͌̽̓̈̓͌͠͠&̷̲̠̂̌̒̈́̏̽̈̐͠%̷̟̱͚̬͍̝͉̦̦̣̝̭̮͙̭̲̯̻̱̂ͅ/̶̨͙̗̞͇͕͚̌͐̓̆̐͋̎͐̿͘͘$̵̢̤̯͈̗͇͙͚̣̦̩̟̬̪̣̍̈́͑(̶̳̝̿̒̒̀̊̈́̏͑̽̚ͅ&̶̧͍̳͓̿͐͗̏̓̚͝-
What kind did you just say? The voice was blurry as if there was a lot of static in his voice. He tried to ask, but all that came out of his mouth was a groan that wasn't a word.
His throat contracted and he felt like he was suffocating, his features began to distort. Wait... what does this man call himself?
Didn't he say his name was Halmeus? No, that's ridiculous. That is not possible.
From a historical, scientific, and magical point of view, wasn't that legend said to be a creation? Wasn't it a miraculous historical fiction, the result of an ancient civilization passing down legends from generation to generation until it was filled with errors?
"A lie." He could not help himself and stood on his feet, staggering.
"It is a lie. Is... You're supposed to be a creation. It was a great joke played by our predecessors. If it wasn't, it wouldn't have been... possible. Please tell me your real name." Kariya felt dizzy, barely hearing what he was saying.
Halmeus, he was not a hero, he was The Hero in ancient stories. There was no way it was a person or to respond to the confusion swirling in his head, he suddenly had a flash of inspiration.
Kariya remembered what Zouken had told him, when the old worm had babbled with his ragged mouth about ritual, probabilities, and his uselessness as a magician.
"Those who are summoned as heroes include fictional characters if that's the case, it's not impossible that someone named Halmeus could be summoned!"
"I see. I'm not sure what to make of it. But I can tell you this truth; I'm definitely a real person. Everything of my time seems to have been lost in this world, so it's no wonder that many think my legend might be a hoax," the hero declared.
Kariya's eyes widened, her mind stunned trying to process the words.
A being who was supposed to be an inhabitant of fairy tales... no, but... How...?
Humans can find many things they can do to make life easier. One of them is the sweet bliss of sleep.
Kariya fainted and collapsed on the basement floor.