Aster was getting annoyed with herself. She had withstood living with her terror of an aunt, uncle and cousin, uncaring that she had no friends, but she now? Now she was terrified that she had ruined everything. That Grandfather would turn her away from his affection - she knew logically he wouldn't give up his guardianship over her; that her friends would brush her off, despite Theo and Blaise reassuring her that that wouldn't happen.
She had been released from the hospital wing a week ago, and although the return to her larger and softer bed in the dorm was welcome, she held her dormmates at arm length. Which brought her to that moment, staring up at an irritated Pansy with her hands on her hips, and Daphne looking imperiously down at her with crossed arms.
"You're avoiding us."
Aster cringed, curling in her shoulders and ducking her head. "I - er - I - wouldn't say avoiding."
Daphne rose an eyebrow as Pansy scoffed. "No? Well what would you call it then?"
"Err...busy?" Aster tried, scrunching her nose at her own idiotic response.
Daphne made a show of looking around them as she murmured, "Yes, I can see that. Truly, you are swamped."
"Don't be so sarcastic, Daph, you know that's a sure way of getting wrinkles." Pansy tutted.
"She's only twelve, how's she going to get wrinkles now?" Aster frowned, before clamping her mouth shut as the two older girls smiled in triumph.
Bugger. There goes my stay away approach.
"Ah! She speaks a sentence! Happy day!" Pansy clapped before Daphne placed a hand over on hers, silencing her.
"What happened, Aster?" She asked gently, lowering herself to perch on the edge of the younger girl's bed.
"Did Theo and Blaise -"
"No." She interrupted, "They wouldn't betray your trust like that." After assessing her for a moment, she glanced at Pansy before continuing. "We're not asking you to relay what happened in that sense. We know enough - you got caught up in something and you were hurt. What we want to know is what happened to distance yourself?"
"We miss you." Pansy added quietly in the silence, making Aster's lower lip tremble and ducking her head so hard her curls tumbled around her, hiding her from view.
"Oh, Aster." One of the girls murmured - sounded like Pansy - before climbing on the bed next to her and tucking her into her side.
The scent of jasmine and rose shampoo met her in a wave of silky black hair as a hand rubbed her arms comfortingly, as another pair of soft hands gripped Aster's as she sniffled, not daring to look up at them.
Above her the girls shared a solemn look, Pansy frowning as her friend cried almost silently despite the shaking sobs trying to break out. As they sat by her side, they planned how to turn the girl's aversion of help around. Despite not knowing too much of her background, there were signs of what just lurked in her past. The silent crying, the confusion at the offer of help - or even the hand of friendship - among other things. And Pansy especially knew what they tended to be precursors of.
As such, Pansy resolved to show Aster that she did have friends, she was cared about, and that she could trust others. It would be long and no doubt difficult, but she would ensure that her pint-sized friend knew her worth.
Daphne on the other hand rescheduled what lessons needed to be taught to her. She of course still needed the etiquette lessons if she was to traverse the Pureblood world, but maybe an emphasis on how to express and recognise affection and tokens needed to be added to the list. Actually - maybe she should make a list of what needed to be done.
Once Aster's shoulders stopped trembling and turned to small spasms as she hiccuped, her mind finally began to stop spiralling. She no longer could sense everything. Noises reduced to the quiet sound of her friends' breathing. Smells turned into the scent of Pansy's shampoo. She could still feel too much, too many sensations, but she could manage, she'd find one to focus on. But there was too many choices. What - what should she choose? Should she focus on Daphne as she was already using Pansy? But her hands were still so easily forgettable. Where was - where was -
Soft fur met her hands as they were pulled from her death grip on her duvet, instead they were gently moved to clasp blue-grey fur. Blinking her eyes open, she met the eyes of Binky gazing at her in sadness, before looking up and meeting the soft gaze of Daphne, who wore a sad and understanding smile, making Aster close her eyes tightly again. She didn't want them to see how weak she was. How stupid. She didn't want them to reject her.
"My head is very loud." A soft voice said, before sighing. "I have too many thoughts sometimes. I get...frustrated." Daphne admitted with a frown, watching as her friend slowly opened her eyes again, although most of her face was covered by her familiar. "It's why I make lists. I lose where I am otherwise." Aster nodded in understanding, thinking back on all the times when they would talk a lot in a group and she'd either zone out or only hyper focus on one person.
"You're not alone, Aster." Pansy reiterated, leaning her head on Aster's. "You're well and truly one of ours. Especially as Daphne is teaching you."
"Hmm." Daphne agreed. "I wouldn't spend my time doing so, unless I thought you were worthwhile." She sniffed, putting her nose in the air, making Aster smile. "I'm a precious commodity, you know."
"You've been spending too much time with Blaise, Daph. His superiority is rubbing off on you." Pansy drawled with a smirk making the blonde roll her eyes.
"Please. I know I'm superior. He just has wishful thinking." She retorted before squeezing Aster's hands. "Now. Let's move on from this shall we? We've established that we're all firm friends and stuck with one another." At the other two's nods she stood up fluidly, walking to the dorm room door, and gliding out.
"I love her like a sister, but Merlin does she go overboard with the whole elegance thing. She's twelve, not twenty." Pansy frowned, smiling at Aster's snort. "Now, you're coming to the common room with us." Pansy declared, holding her hand up when Aster opened her mouth to protest. "You need to carry on. So head up, back straight." She told her firmly, before dragging Aster away from her bed, sidestepping the disgruntled Cat at being removed from his Mistress.
As Pansy descended the few steps to go into the common room, Aster felt herself tense, the familiar surroundings and chatter doing nothing to soother her nerves. She didn't know what she was expecting; she knew the common room wasn't any different - she walked through it several times a day. The students stayed in their usual clusters, ignoring her existence as they were wont to do as a Half Blood First Year of a near redundant Family.
It was as they closed in on her gaggle of friends where the knot in her stomach grew heavier. They were all seated in their usual spaces - Malfoy holding court over Crabbe and Goyle, talking with Daphne as Theo sat in his wingback armchair reading a flaking tome. Blaise was draped across a loveseat, throwing and catching a ball with a bored expression on his face. Until he caught sight of the two girls.
"Aster!" He cried, making a few other students look over, Tracy Davis curling her face into a sneer before disregarding them. Blaise shot up in his seat, about to lunge over to her before seeing Pansy tightly shaking her head at him. Deciding to bounce on his seat instead like a toddler, he threw himself into raptures at seeing her.
"Oh how I've missed you! Look at you! It has been so long." He sniffled before grinning at her, holding his breath as they all paused waiting on her response.
"You literally saw me everyday when I was in the hospital wing. And have pestered me nonstop." She mumbled, before grimacing and straightening her shoulders. "Besides," she sniffed, channelling her inner Daphne, "it's unseemly to...express oneself so wantonly." She sneered, relaxing as Daphne smirked in pride, Malfoy and Pansy snorting while Theo grinned as Blaise pouted.
"This is your doing, Greengrass." He accused, making her raise an eyebrow. "She used to be uncorrupted! Now look at her! She's...one of us..." He whispered in mock horror.
"We never would have guessed, Zabini. Thank you for making us all aware. Truly you are a vaunted addition to our group." Malfoy drawled, before turning to the girls. "Well sit down then. You're cluttering the room."
Rolling her eyes without thinking, Aster went to move to her usual chair before being snagged and pulled on to the loveseat with Blaise as he tucked her into his side, putting his head on her shoulder.
"You look together." Crabbe said in his always slightly confused tone.
"And what a handsome couple we'd make." Blaise sighed, tugging on one of Aster's curls. "Alas, I fear that is not to be."
"But, why?" Was the gormless reply,
making Malfoy roll his eyes and Theo snigger.
Blaise, however, decided to humour him. "Because," he started looking around him covertly before gesturing him to come closer. "Our Lines do not match."
"Because she's part Mudblood?" He asked in confusion, making Theo tense angrily. Blaise, however gave a baleful smile.
"Do you talk to all of your friends as such, Crabbe?"
"We're not friends." Goyle interjected. "We don't talk to her."
"Hm. With what you just said I wouldn't be surprised if it was the other way round." Daphne snarled at them.
"But she is one. Ma told me so."
Malfoy threw his hands up. "Oh for Merlin's sake. All of you stop being so prissy. Mrs Crabbe is right - Aster, unfortunately, has a Mudblood for a mother." He declared, making the two oafs grin in triumph before gulping as he stared icily at them. "But, she is still one of our own. She is of impeccable Family otherwise, and a Slytherin besides. So if we ever hear you say that in reference to her again, there will be Hel to pay." He warned in a low voice. At their assent he nodded his head once before flouncing off to the nearest chess set, asking Marcus Flint a few years older than them, to a game.
"I don't know why you're still here. We're not helping you." Daphne sneered at the two boys, before engaging a conversation with Pansy.
Blaise clutched Aster tighter as she squirmed to move away. "Don't listen to those mutton heads. You have nothing to be ashamed of." He told her quietly, moving so that she was tucked under his arm instead.
"I'm not ashamed of mum." She mumbled, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them. "She was brilliant."
"I've heard." He replied, smirking at her confused look. "I'm proud of my mum too - she finds out all sorts of information...ungadh an bháis." He retorted, with only a slight fumble and tangling over the foreign words, before softening his expression as she tensed up again. "Chill, flower. All your secrets are safe with me."
"Cause you're the Black Widow's son?"
"Because I'm your friend, and you're mine. Plus," he added thoughtfully while he twisted one of her curls around his fingers again, "I'm pretty sure mum has adopted you just from all the stories she's heard. I wouldn't be surprised if she takes you under her wing."
"For what? Cultivate secrets?"
"If that's what you want to call it, sure." He snorted, at her bemused expression, shaking his head at her. It was times like these he remembered with regret on how sheltered she was, creating a paradox: mature beyond her years, and yet, so very much younger than she was. But then again, Blaise had a rather strange childhood himself, his mother open about her use of 'womanly wiles' to get what she wanted.
"You...", Aster hesitated, scrunching her eyebrows together as she chewed on her words. "You - don't mind? It doesn't bother you?"
"Of course it doesn't!" He scoffed, "Zabinis aren't as stuffy as this lot over here. That Sacred Twenty-eight stuff is a load if rubbish."
Theo raised his eyes from his book briefly in warning as he looked around them; the offspring of proud members of said Sacred Twenty-eight practically crowded the large room. Blaise winced and nodded as he realised his volume, thankful that only his bookish friend has overheard.
"Does anyone else know?" Aster asked in a small voice, fiddling with her fingers.
"No." Blaise said, making her sag in relief. He eyed his friend currently reading to ensure that he wasn't paying attention; he wagered that it wouldn't be too much longer before he figured it out too. And Greengrass was always weirdly astute. After all, it was only a few weeks of being acquaintances for her to realise that Aster hadn't the same upbringing as them. "But you need to still be wary. Make sure nothing...extra happens." He warned her, making her nod in agreement.
"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna get Grandfather to help in that." She mused, before brightening. "Perhaps Mu-" she started before snapping her mouth shut with an audible click, causing Blaise to cock his head at her.
"I think subtlety needs to be added to the list as well." He chuckled, poking her in the side, causing her to squirm and bat his hands away.
"List? What list?" Daphne interrupted, a jealous glint flashing in her blue eyes.
"Your list, you nutter. No need to get weird about it."
"Oh," she blinked, "well that's alright then. Now what was I saying, Pansy?" She asked as she turned back to the other girl who scowled at the rude interruption.
Theo sighed as he closed his book with a quiet thump. "I don't know what you two are talking about, but I'd recommend leaving it for somewhere more secluded."
"If you don't know what we're talking about why'd you think we should stop?" Blaise challenged, tilting his head up in the air.
"Because whenever you two duck your heads together like that, it usually means trouble." He retorted rolling his eyes as Aster sniggered.
"He's not wrong. And it's usually him who gets us out of it."
Blaised gasped as he turned towards her, "He's our Granger!"
"You've lost me." She replied as Theo scowled at him.
"Well word in the corridor is that Granger is forever getting the Dumb Duo out of harms way." He happily explained, turning to Theo with a serious expression. "But don't worry, you have better hair."
"And teeth." Pansy snarked absently, causing her and Daphne fall into giggles while the boys grinned.
"That's a bit far." Aster piped up. "It's not like she can help those. It's like my hair - it's forever looking like I've been struck by lightening."
Pansy rolled her eyes. "That's a bit of an overstatement. Granger's looks like that. You just look like you've had it curled too much." She said in an attempt to sooth.
"Thanks, that's much better." Aster dryly replied, slightly weirded out that Pansy thought she was offended on behalf of her flipping hair.
"Aaanyway," Blaise said, "back to the matter at hand. "My point still stands. You, Theo are a resident bookish, know-it-all responsible one."
"Joy." He snarked, wrinkling his nose, before smirking, "so that means you're Weasley as Aster is clearly Longbottom."
Aster pulled a face, "Ugh. How am I clearly the Prat Who Lived?"
"Yeah, and why am I the long nosed ginger?"
"Well," Theo explained, rolling his eyes, "Let's see - we defer to Aster, somehow. Which the other two do to Longbottom. And, to be perfectly frank, she's the one who instigates the trouble." Aster gasped in indignation, as Blaise cocked his head to the side in thought. "And as for you, Zabini - you're as annoying as Weasley is. Where he bemoans his lot in life, you forever extol your virtues and, as you put it, 'perfection'."
"Again...we're twelve. Use less fancy words." Blaise sneered in a huff.
"Ah yes, that's another similarity; your huffiness and needing to use small words." He smiled brightly, before looking at Aster in concern. "You alright there, Aster?"
"I am not Longbottom! He's...him." She shuddered before pointing a finger at him.
"You're on my list, Nott."
"What list is that?" He asked with a laugh.
"One's that are to be watched because of their...trickiness."
"Hm. And who else is on the list?" Blaise asked, shifting around so he could look at her easier.
"Well," she thought, tapping her finger against her chin, "Longbottom, for obvious reasons. Now Crabbe and Goyle for being, how does Snape say it? Er...dunderheads. Davis and Bulstrode. And Malfoy of course."
"What about me?" The blonde boy asked as he strolled over to them.
"Do you have a radar for when someone says your name, or is it just a talent?" Blaise asked.
"Everyone talks about me." Came the rocky reply as he sat down on Aster's other side, squishing her into both boys' sides.
"Why've you got to sit here?! There's a chair over there." She whined as she pushed herself further into Blaise.
"So why were you talking about me?" He asked instead, ignoring her except throwing a smirk in her direction.
"Aster was illuminating us on who was on her, for all intents and purposes, Watch List." Theo explained, his mouth twitching at watching her scowl at her predicament.
"And why am I on there?"
"Because you're a prat." She said, sticking her tongue out at him as he sneered at her. "And you put way too much gel in your hair. Anyone who does that is just dodgy."
"Ha!" Blaise snorted, high fiving her, "she's not wrong, mate. You do put in too much." He told the blonde seriously.
"I don't know," Malfoy said cockily, "Davis seems to like it."
"Probably because she can see her reflection in it." Aster snorted, grinning as her two friends burst out laughing as Malfoy rolled his eyes at the three of them.
The evening wore on in a similar manner; the sounds of their laughter spilling out from their designated corner, mixing with the rest of the other students' conversations and joking. As the time grew later, pockets of people meandered their way to bed, but the small group of First Years remained, not wanting to leave their bubble of peace and reunion with Aster. Finally one of the Prefects had to chivvy them to their dorms, not being able to leave them any longer; they had already given them too much leeway, but seeing the quiet Potter finally emerge from her shell made them charitable. She may have been a Half Blood, but she was still one of theirs, and to see any of them so downtrodden chipped away at them. And so, with stifled giggles and snorts of laughter, the First Years were shepherd to their beds, the Prefect side stepping the trailing familiars of Potter. It took longer than it should have and it was well past midnight when Gemma Fawley finally was able to peek in on the girls and saw them sleeping away all in one bed. Rolling her eyes fondly, she silently closed the door.