Disclaimer: I do not own Wizards of Waverly Place or its supporting characters. I am simply borrowing them for my own enjoyment.

A/N: Hey guys! I just couldn't help myself and decided to post this chapter now. No spoilers‚ but I have already written 9 chapters so far; I'm just trying my hardest to space them out a bit. Let me know what you think in the comments!

Chapter 1

Things have been different between us these past few months. I've been keeping more of a distance‚ but at the same time‚ not. It's really freaking confusing. I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. One moment‚ I'm brushing up against him‚ just for some contact‚ and the next‚ I'm ignoring him for days or playing pranks on him like I used to. I just want to feel like I used to feel. I loved him‚ but I didn't love him.

Come on‚ Alex. It's not that big a deal.

I roll my eyes at myself. There's always this voice that tries to reason with me. Tries to tell me there's nothing wrong with me. But I know better.

"Pfft. Of course it's a big fucking deal‚" I murmur to myself in the empty space of the living room. I'm glad there isn't anyone around to hear me talking to myself. Again. I tend to do that sometimes. Whatever.

My back stiffens as the pickle I had in my hand drops to my plate. I turn in my spot on the couch to see him walking toward me. I swallow the sudden lump in my throat as I turn back around and stare unblinkingly at the television.

I can hear my brother grab something from the fridge before he walks over and sits on the other end of the couch. I take a deep breath in and nearly shiver as I realize he is wearing that cologne that I really like.

No. He's your fucking brother!

Who cares?

I do!

I shake my head to try and clear my thoughts‚ and jump when I feel his hand on my shoulder. I turn and look into his concerned grayish-green eyes.

"Alex? You alright?" he asks me‚ clearly concerned by my odd behavior recently.

My heart actually melts a little bit‚ but I try to tamp that down as well. He can't know how I feel. It is the most embarrassing thing to have ever happened to me.

I brush his hand off of my shoulder and stand up from the couch‚ plate of pickles in hand‚ ignoring the sense of loss I feel as his warm touch leaves me.

"I'm fine. Was just heading to bed." I ignore his questioning gaze as I rush out of there. Which was probably not a good idea‚ seeing as I don't run for anything.

Fuck‚ he has to know something is wrong with me.

The days have been blending together‚ but thankfully he hasn't asked about the weirdness from before. Usually‚ I can act as if nothing is wrong‚ but I had just woken up from a nap where I dreamed of the time we spent in Puerto Rico.

When we were alone in the dark‚ in front of the fire. But the dream didn't end with us going to sleep facing different directions. I did something so unbelievable that I should be completely disgusted with myself.

But instead‚ I was so turned on.

We didn't have sex or anything‚ but it was a near thing. It was definitely the most vivid dream I have ever had. My lips against his‚ his hand caressing my breast‚ my hand sliding down his chest‚ lower and lower and…

I shake my head to dispell those forbidden thoughts. If I start to think about that again‚ then I won't be able to act as if everything is fine when it most certainly is not.

"Hey‚ are you okay?" I hear Harper ask from beside me as I throw my half-eaten ice cream cone into my locker and shut it‚ ignoring Harper's shake of the head at my actions.

I look at her and smile as if everything is fine. "Yeah‚ why wouldn't I be?" I ask as we begin to walk side by side on the way to our next class.

"You just seem a little… different."

I can see from the corner of my eye that she is trying to put the pieces together. I roll my eyes and continue to walk when I saw him. Justin is mumbling his little locker combination song and with a grin‚ he opens his locker without an issue. Something that used to seem so dorky and weird‚ is now remarkably adorable. Maybe it was always adorable to me. Maybe that's why I had memorized the song as well.

No. I can't keep thinking this way.

Then I realize Harper was talking and I have no fucking idea what she just said. I shake my head of those other thoughts‚ feeling the blush raise along my cheeks‚ and make eye contact with her once again.

"Huh?" I ask with confusion at her knowing look. My heart skips a beat. There's no way she could possibly know anything!

Right?

Before I can panic‚ Harper laughs and says‚ "It's a boy‚ isn't it? Oh! What's his name? Do I know him? How did you two meet? Is he cute? Who am I kidding‚ he has to be cute! Where—"

I grab her shoulders and shook her lightly with an exasperated‚ "Harper!" I roll my eyes as we continue into the classroom. "It's no one—I mean‚ nothing. It's nothing."

Shit. I can't believe I just said that! She had to have picked up on it.

Harper laughs as she pulls me to our respective seats and whispers before class starts‚ "We are so talking about this no one after school!" She squeals as if she just found out some amazing life altering news.

I only sigh and slump in my seat as I zone out throughout the rest of class‚ thinking about my fucked up life and what I'm supposed to do about it.

Harper manages to actually persuade me into my bedroom after school. I was hard set on pulling out my wand to get the hell out of there‚ but then I look into her excited eyes. I sigh. She always gets super happy when I end up finding a boy to crush on. But this is so different and wrong on so many levels. It's immoral‚ incestuous‚ and down right illegal. Now‚ I'm not one to care much about the rules‚ but I can never in a million years allow anyone to find out my dirty little secret.

Even Alex Russo has exceptions when it comes to rule breaking.

I refrain from pulling my wand out of my boot and sigh as I sit on the edge of my bed‚ waiting for the inevitable questions from my best friend. Harper is just too perceptive of me. I'll just have to do what I do best.

Lie my ass off.

Harper excitedly closes my bedroom door before happily pulling the chair from my desk – which I never use – over to sit directly in front of me. I don't say anything‚ and neither does she‚ for what feels like hours.

Then finally‚ with an all knowing grin‚ Harper exclaims‚ "Who is it!? Who is my BFF crushing on!?"

I roll my eyes with a façade that shows my indifference to the situation. "I have no clue what you are talking about Harper."

"Oh come on‚ Alex. I know you better than anyone. Don't think you can hide something like this from me. Just tell me. Please?"

I sigh as I avert my gaze from hers. How do I tell her the truth without actually telling her the truth? Because it is not like I can just outright say‚ "Oh‚ the guy I like? You mean the boy you have crushed on for like ever? Yeah‚ I have been lusting over‚ and in love with‚ my big brother for months now."

Nope. That will never happen.

So instead I just say‚ "Look‚ Harper. I… I can't tell you…" I inwardly cringe‚ reminded of the time I said those words to her just before I told her I am a wizard. Our friendship was so close to ending that day. "…I'm sorry‚" I mumble after a small pause.

Her face falls‚ but I can tell she isn't truly upset with me. I inwardly sigh in relief at that; I really do hate lying to her. She waves her hand with a false smile on her face as she says‚ "Oh‚ don't worry‚ Alex. You'll tell me when you're ready." Then she hugs me and I feel like the worst best friend ever.

I'm just a disgusting monster who wants her brother in ways that no one should want with their own flesh and blood.

I hug her back with a sigh. "Yeah…" I agree with her‚ but in my mind I know this is something I will take to my grave.

More days bled into weeks‚ and now Harper is living with us. Which is great. I love her like a sister‚ but now it feels as if I can't keep this secret as easily as before. I can't just sit in my room and write in my diary or escape to my fantasy journal whenever I want. Because I really wouldn't have an excuse to tell Harper not to just barge in whenever‚ since we have been sharing each other's personal space since kindergarten. At least the rest of my family announces themselves before it's too late to hide what I've been doing.

Speaking of my fantasy journal… I hadn't opened that thing since I was fourteen and had a massive crush on Dean. But somehow‚ I had found it about a week ago in the back of my closet and flipped through it. I erased the whole thing‚ getting rid of my fairytale secrets from two years ago‚ leaving the pages blank.

I had stared at the blank book for over thirty minutes just contemplating. I was arguing with that god-damned voice in my head about what I was seriously thinking of doing.

And then I stopped thinking and just did what my fucked up mind wanted me to do. I drew the guy in my life who has always protected me and loved me. I drew him with perfect precision; living with him for 16 years‚ I know everything there is to know about him.

Once I finished just a few pages‚ I took a deep breath in and waved my wand as I whispered‚ "Literarium Terrarium."

Seconds later‚ I was in my new magic journal‚ my eyes looking up at the light green ones of my older brother. The look in his eyes caught me off guard‚ and I blushed.

When he said my name in a way that made my stomach twist‚ and then leaned in to kiss me‚ I freaked the fuck out. This felt like I was violating Justin‚ and I couldn't do that to him. So I flashed myself out of the book‚ closed it‚ and hid it with my diary in a concealed chest in the back of my closet.

I've gone back in three times since then. I haven't let fake-Justin kiss me‚ because it just felt… wrong. And not even because he is my brother‚ which should be the reason. But because I felt dirty for sneaking behind my brother's back like this. Instead‚ we talk and I was able to admit how I have been feeling to him without the worries of the real world finding out. Of course‚ since everything in the journal is conjured up by me‚ fantasy Justin tells me he loves me too.

My heart couldn't take it when he was about to try and kiss me again‚ so I turned my head to allowed his lips to softly graze my cheek. My heart beating out of my chest‚ I hugged him and buried my face into his neck. We sat like that for a while‚ until I heard my mom's voice from downstairs saying dinner was ready. I bid my fake boyfriend—no–brother goodbye and left‚ hiding the journal and then went downstairs to have dinner with my family‚ where I acted like the normal teenage girl that I wish I was.

Now that Harper is moved in though‚ I can't spend as much time with fake-justin as I want to. But maybe that is a good thing. There really has to be something wrong with me for conjuring up my own brother just to be able to date him.

But as the days continue‚ I can't help going to see him more. The more I see Justin in the waking world and can't hug him whenever I get the urge for his touch‚ the more I go to fake-justin and wrap my arms around him for as long as I can. The more I dream about my brother in ways that I know I shouldn't‚ the more I try to keep my distance from him in the real world‚ which makes me miss him so much that I turn to him in my fantasy world.

I hold back my tears as they threaten to escape‚ and plop onto my back on my bed. Harper is in the basement‚ which is now her room‚ making some weird outfit that she told me about‚ but I was too busy thinking about raunchy shit with my brother to retain anything she had said. At least I'm not known for paying much attention‚ so no one would be suspicious about that.

I rub my hands along my face with a groan as the dream from last night filters throughout my brain. It was the worst of them. Or best‚ depending on how you look at it.

The way his hands were on my body; stroking‚ squeezing‚ scratching… The way he kissed me as he slid inside of me… The way he made me cum as he filled me…

"Oh God…‚" I mumble to myself as I feel my arousal pulse within me.

My thoughts halt though‚ when there is a soft knock at the door and his voice follows.

"Alex? Can I come in?"

My pulse increases as my entire body feels like it is on fire. I try to calm myself down as I take a quick look in my mirror‚ rolling my eyes at myself‚ and then sit up on the edge of the bed to act as normal as possible.

"Sure‚ whatever‚" I respond just a few seconds later‚ and then he walks in.

Every time I look at him‚ my heart flutters and I feel a tightness‚ a knot in my stomach that I wish would just fuck off. Because how can I feel this way? He is my dorky older brother. My nerdy older brother. My fucking brother!

All thoughts leave me‚ however‚ when he is suddenly sitting next to me‚ his right leg softly grazing my left. I swallow down my nervousness as I turn to my left and look him in his concerned gray-green eyes.

"What?" I ask in what I hope was an annoyed enough tone. There is no way I'm allowing him to see just what his close proximity does to me.

"Alex… is everything alright?"

I cross my arms and look away‚ doing the best I can to not swoon at the way his concerned voice gets to me.

Get a grip‚ Russo!

"I'm fine‚" is the only thing I can even think to say‚ which doesn't even seem all that convincing to my own ears.

Then I feel his arm around me. I stiffen for a moment‚ but soon my body relaxes against his as I rest my head on his shoulder. We've been in this position so many times before‚ that it would be weird if I freaked out over it now. So I just enjoy the feeling of Justin's body heat for as long as I can.

"If you ever need to talk Alex‚ I'm here. You know that‚ right?"

I swallow the sudden lump in my throat as I lift my head to look back into his eyes. Our faces are so close‚ that I think of what might happen if I were to lean in just a little—

"You're my baby sister‚" he says to me just in time to make sure I don't make the dumbest mistake of my life. I blink at him and try to force away my blush as he continues‚ "I know we fight and annoy the hell out of each other‚ but come on Alex. I'll always be there for you."

I feel the way he squeezes my shoulder as he finishes that last sentence‚ and I blink back the tears that want to fall. I don't know what to say‚ so I just nod my head before resting my cheek against his shoulder once again.

We sat in silence for a few more moments before he spoke again. "I know I don't say it enough‚ but I love you."

My head pops up to look in his eyes as my throat runs dry.

He smirked – and that fucking did things to my insides – before continuing with‚ "No matter how much you annoy the hell out of me."

I look away and dramatically roll my eyes to cover the hurt his words causes me. Because of course he doesn't actually love me. Not the way I love him…

I hide my hurt well as I stand up‚ effectively causing him to release his hold on me‚ and I respond with‚ "Yeah yeah. Don't you have some dolls to play with‚ dork?"

I inwardly smile as his grin turns down into his adorable frown. Then he stands up in front of me as he defends himself. "Action figures. They are not dolls‚ Alex."

I only smile as I begin to push him out of my room by the chest – his very firm chest – because I am starting to get dizzy with how close he is to me. "Whatever you say‚ bro‚" I say as I push him the rest of the way out. I don't allow him to get another word in before I close the door and lock it.

I hear him let out a soft sigh before his footsteps lead away from my room‚ and I let out my own sigh of relief as I turn to lean my back against the door and slide down to the floor. I put my head in my hands‚ knees against my chest‚ and finally allow the silent tears to come.

I am so going to Hell…

A/N: What do you guys think so far?

I think if this one goes well‚ then I will write a parallel one from Justin's POV. Let me know if that is something you might be interested in!