The white-haired general of the Dark Kingdom paced back and forth in his chamber, thoroughly enraged. A few days had passed since the battle at Starlight Tower. Since the Moon Princess appeared with the Imperial Silver Crystal. Since they had abducted Endymion. Since Queen Beryl had taken Zoisite from him.
Zoisite.
The plan had been completely different; he wanted to be happy with Zoisite. Yes, even villains were allowed to love, and alas, he had loved him. Much deeper than he could have sworn loyalty to Beryl. Without Zoisite, nothing made sense anymore. Who needed that stupid Silver Crystal anyway? Not him. His partner was dead. Killed by his queen. He couldn't revolt against her. She was too powerful. But he wanted revenge. On the Sailor Warriors, on Endymion, on the Moon Princess. They all should pay for Zoisite's death. After all, he had died in beauty, just as he had wished. And wherever he was now, Kunzite simply hoped for him that it was a better place and that he was well there. He missed him so much. What would he give to hold him in his arms one more time. Just once.
They were all to blame and should now pay bitterly for it. He would best eliminate Endymion at the next opportunity. He just had to wait for the right moment. Since Beryl had filled his body with black energy, he had become one of them... and yet somehow belonged as little as Kunzite himself to this world. Everyone was against each other, watching each other, pursuing their own goals. Kunzite pretended to support everything Beryl said, but deep down inside, it looked very different to him. Now both had received their first order from their queen, and as silly as it sounded, the plan promised success. After all, it had been Kunzite's idea.
"We're opening a chic hair salon and trying to find out who the fighter and thus the Moon Princess really is based on the strand of hair Kunzite took during the last battle against Sailor Moon."
Kunzite grumbled grimly to himself as he held a long golden hair between his fingers.
"As if Sailor Moon would really be stupid enough to go to the next hair salon to get her ridiculous hairstyle fixed. Not even she is so dumb as to fall for such a clumsy trap, pah!"
He turned in shock to his opponent in the black tuxedo.
"Endymion," he hissed contemptuously, "why don't you just stay out of it and leave the really difficult cases to me? You have no idea how powerful this Silver Crystal is."
The general received a highly arrogant look back from the Earth Prince. Yes, if there was one thing he could do, it was to treat others with disdain. After all, he was Endymion. A powerful prince who had been fighting against the accursed people of the moon since time immemorial. However, in his own way. Always intent on maintaining his own advantage with as little bloodshed as possible. Let others get their hands dirty. That was so not his style.
But something deep inside him whispered just at that moment, as he looked at Kunzite so disdainfully, that he was about to make a huge mistake. That all of this was not right and he belonged somewhere else. To someone. Endymion shook himself and simply closed his eyes to suppress this inner voice. He was Endymion. Commander of the Dark Kingdom, and his mission was clear; he had to obtain the Silver Crystal. At all costs.
"Beryl has given ME the task of taking the Silver Crystal from Sailor Moon. YOU can try to find out her true identity. But that's not my approach."
Kunzite grinned mockingly at him. He knew all too well that it was only the black energy speaking out of Endymion. He knew that the true prince had a completely different view of the Dark Kingdom, and one thing that Queen Beryl had not yet considered about Endymion; he loved Serenity. For millennia. Unconditionally and self-sacrificially. It would only be a matter of time before this love defeated the black energy in him. Kunzite had loved himself, so he was all too aware of this weakness of Endymion's. But for now, he would not play this trump card yet. It was too early to lay his cards on the table.
"Endymion. You won't be able to stop me. Do what you can't help."
With these words, Kunzite dissolved into thin air and materialized directly in the hair salon that the Dark Kingdom had recently been operating as a pretense. Kariko Tokoyama, the Youma of the week, was already diligently analyzing the customers and greeted her general with a brief nod of her head.
"It will only be a matter of time before Sailor Moon shows up here. I'm sure of it."
However, what Kunzite did not know and what would certainly have deeply shaken him to the core was just arriving in the form of three sunglasses-wearing men in identical dress codes entering the newly opened hair salon.
"But I don't want to cut my curls! It took ages to grow this mane. Besides, women love it and it goes perfectly with my Ferrari!"
Nephrite grumbled reluctantly as he swung the doors of the salon open.
"Oh come on, short hairstyles are all the rage now, and besides, it's better if we change our appearance. Then our cover won't be blown immediately. Jedeite also wants to dye his hair instead of adding extensions."
For this comment, Zoisite received a hateful look from Nephrite. The two were far from understanding each other in any way. Neflite was still quite angry because Zoisite had shamelessly lured him into an ambush, and he had ended up paying for it with his life. Besides, a possible relationship with Naru had slipped through his fingers. Even though he had not yet addressed it, they were humans now and thus also had the right to a normal life... including romantic relationships with other people.
"It's no use wasting our energy arguing. After all, we've accepted a mission and we're going to carry it out, damn it."
Jedeite looked grimly at the two former generals and then turned to the receptionist with a friendly smile.
"Good day, we'd like... uh, a makeover and this salon was highly recommended to us."
The receptionist smiled kindly at him and then flipped through her open appointment book.
"You're in luck, three spots just opened up. So you'll be next. What are your names?"
Jedeite first looked slightly puzzled and then turned to the other two.
"Uh, Shitennou is our last name. We're brothers," Zoisite finally spoke up from the background.
"Pff, who needs you as a family member when you have no enemies!"
"You're adopted!"
"Stop it now! Immediately!" Jedeite commanded his two comrades again and gave a friendly smile to the bewildered receptionist.
"Thank you very much for accommodating us so quickly."
The woman looked at the three former generals and then expressed something regretful.
"The offer with the free haircut is only for girls, though."
Now Zoisite marched up from behind and leaned boldly over the counter. With a devilish grin - just like his brainwashed self, he made it clear
"Oh, excuse me, but apparently you have no idea who you're dealing with here. We're friends of... Kunzite."
"Oh, okay, so if that's the case, everything here is completely free for you. Please excuse the inconvenience."
Nervously, the receptionist looked up at Zoisite, who in turn looked highly satisfied.
A few moments later, all three generals were sitting side by side in barber chairs.
"Just so we're clear," Zoisite looked darkly at the hairdresser next to him with a warning undertone in his voice, "the blonde stays! I am naturally blessed with this beautiful hair color. They can give me a millimeter haircut if they want, but the blonde stays!"
"Yes, better like that. After all, you can tell the stupidity level by the hair color, so stick with this tone," Nephrite continued acidly with a pair of hair-cutting scissors in hand and received a kick to his shin as thanks.
This time Jedeite remained completely unmoved as Nephrite loudly yelped in pain and interestedly examined his freshly manicured fingernails.
"Seriously, these are all just superficialities. We should rather concentrate on the events in this hair salon. It's starting to get interesting."
With a jerk, Zoisite and Nephrite turned around and followed Jedites significant glance.
"Venus!" Nephrite whispered.
"And right behind her, the Moon Princess. Look, Kunzite's trap worked perfectly. I bet the guy's lurking around here somewhere in the background, unsuspecting and waiting eagerly for Sailor Moon to appear."
Zoisite swallowed at Jedites words. Although he had thought of his beloved again and again since he had become part of human society, the fact that he would suddenly be so close to him overwhelmed him all at once. He tried to concentrate. Indeed! He felt something. Him. His presence!
"Yes, Kunzite is here, not far from us."
"And what do we do now?"
Jedeite looked at Nephrite firmly and reached for a pair of scissors lying on the hairstyling table.
"First, we need to get transformed... better keep the sunglasses on."
"I never thought Endymion collects sunglasses... does he have the same model for every day of the week?"
"I think that suits him, after all, back in the days of the Silver Millennium he constantly wore that one uniform. There were dozens of copies of it in his closet."
"The man stands for tradition. That's why it never occurred to him to betray Serenity. Besides, he was almost like a stalker, practically obsessed with the little Moon Princess... speaking of which. Where are they now?"
Nephrite raised his head and cursed silently as the hairdresser almost cut off his ear in her haste.
"That's enough! Give me the scissors, I'll do it myself! And get out of here!"
"Serenity is getting her hair washed right now, and Venus is sitting in the waiting area reading one of those cheap gossip magazines."
Unlike the other two, Zoisite hadn't had any hair color applied yet, nor had anyone started cutting his hair, so he calmly looked around for the two Sailor Warriors.
"Well, if they had arrived earlier, she wouldn't have to wait now."
Grumbled Nephrite as he awkwardly attempted to cut his own hair. At least he had managed to make one side significantly shorter than the other.
"Guys, I think they're fetching Venus now. They're up to something. Should we intervene?"
The two former generals looked at Zoisite, slightly shocked.
"How? My color is still setting!"
"I've only cut half of my hair so far!!"
"Damn! That was a completely stupid idea! Come on, we need to get out of here as soon as possible. We need to find Kunzite!"
With these words, Zoisite couldn't stay seated any longer. He stood up abruptly and marched across the salon in his Mamoru outfit and black, unfashionable sunglasses. He felt his aura. He was behind the door. Zoisite had to prevent any harm from coming to the Moon Princess and Sailor Venus with all his might.
The still blonde Zoisite, with his hair still tightly tied in a long ponytail, deeply inhaled and then swung the door open with a flourish.
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With an elegant leap, he landed on the roof of the hair salon. How many times had he been on these missions in disguise... on behalf of the Dark Kingdom. Just now the Youma reported that they had actually hit upon something in the search for Sailor Moon; a girl seemed to have the same hair structure as the Moon Warrior. And then the Silver Crystal couldn't be far away.
With a swift move, he entered through an open window into the salon's interior. The battle was already in full swing. Sailor Moon was running for her life while Kunzite's Youma, Braida, was doing quite a job indeed. It had almost burned the blonde girl with an oversized fire dryer, complete with a lovely greeting from the Dark Kingdom. However, the superhero managed to temporarily incapacitate the demon by throwing a powder compact at it. Now, in a crouched position, the fighter aimed her Moon Scepter at the monster. And firmly attached to this magical scepter was the Imperial Silver Crystal, the object of his desire.
He hesitated briefly.
He held the rose, his tried and true weapon against the forces of good, tightly in his hand, ready to use it against Sailor Moon. But someone called out to him. Called him to reason! He... would regret it...But why? He was Endymion! The legendary commander of the Dark Kingdom. It was his duty to fight against them.
Or not?
What would he possibly regret?! Endymion simply ignored the warning of his inner voice, skillfully fired his rose, and then swung elegantly in the background onto a hairdressing chair.
He shouldn't have done that!
Some super idiot had left a pair of hairdressing scissors lying on the chair, and now they were sticking into his butt with their two tips. Endymion put his gloved fist into his mouth to keep from crying out loudly and ruining his carefully planned appearance as cool and relaxed.
Man, did that hurt, having a pair of hairdressing scissors sticking in your backside!!! The beautiful smoking pants were ruined! Where was Kunzite when one needed him?! Damn it!!!
He almost passed out when he finally pulled the two murder weapons out with a firm jerk, deciding never to squat blindly somewhere again. He crossed his arms gloomily and waited for the spotlight to shine on him. Which it did very obediently. His cue to turn around and now intervene in the action.
Sailor Moon stared at him.
There was something strange in her gaze. A strange veil passed through him. Were those... tears? Once again, his inner voice spoke to him, trying to warn him. Telling him that all of this was fundamentally wrong. But Endymion was determined. He had his goal within reach. She would hand over the Silver Crystal to him. He was ready to fight her for it.
"But... Tuxedo Mask," she said through tears, obviously they were tears of joy
"Thank God you're okay... I'm so glad."
"I'm not the one you think I am. I am the commander of the Dark Kingdom. My name is Endymion."
"Oh... um, you're joking."
'Do I look like a clown to you?!'
"No Sailor Moon," he waved around his useless cane and arrogantly ordered the warrior before him "give me the Silver Crystal."
"What does that mean?" she asked in confusion.
In the background, the Youma had already prepared for battle again. Endymion was relieved. He didn't want to get his hands dirty here. Politeness was more his style. And looking arrogant and giving meaningless orders was also something he preferred.
"Braida, take the Silver Crystal from her!"
After Endymion's order to the revived Youma, Sailor Moon did the only logical thing. She ran away. Through the door of the hair salon, which opened automatically as she approached it backwards.
Well done, now Endymion also had to chase after her. His butt still hurt like hell!
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"Oh damn, what is HE doing here all of a sudden?"
Jedeite turned angrily to Nephrite in his hideout, who looked just as stunned as his rediscovered ally.
"Well, obviously he wants to snatch the Silver Crystal. Great job. Beryl must have finished her brainwashing program in time. At least he seems fine, although... don't you think he's pretty grumpy? Like he stepped in dog crap. Or like something stabbed him in the ass. Strange."
"Look, the three of them are leaving. Let's go after them."
"Wait!" Jedeite held Nephrite back, who was about to head outside. "There's no point, reinforcements in the form of Sailor Venus are approaching, and besides, we can't do anything further. We don't have any powers to use against Endymion. Let's see where Zoisite has gone instead."
Nephrite nodded in agreement and briefly peeked out from their hiding spot. After hearing Sailor Venus recite her transformation phrase, the two former villains crawled out from under a large table and now looked around somewhat bewildered.
"I'm here if you're looking for me." Zoisite came towards them, still wearing his sunglasses over his eyes, so the two men couldn't see any expression from him.
"Well?" Nephrite asked impatiently.
Zoisite sighed deeply and finally took off his sunglasses.
"He was already gone. Gone without a trace."
"I think today's action was a total fiasco."
"It can't go on like this. We need a different tactic. Just waiting for the two of them to show up and then watching them try to fight the Sailor Warriors won't lead us anywhere. We need to be one step ahead of them."
"What do you mean, Jedeite?"
"Oh come on, you two were once generals of the Dark Kingdom! All day long, you came up with harebrained ideas to lure the Sailor Warriors to you. Now we just have to find something that interests Kunzite and Endymion to lure them into a trap."
Zoisite eyed Jedeite skeptically.
"By the way, your hair is turning pink. Is that on purpose?"
"As much as Nephrite's new Ava Max hairstyle."
Nephrite just grinned awkwardly at his two colleagues.
"At least it's a compromise. We all wanted a change. Jedeite has a new hair color, I have a new hair length, and Zoisite will hopefully soon have a new guy on the scene!"
"Haha, very funny, Nephrite!" the blonde general hissed at him annoyed. Deep down inside, he hadn't given up hope of finding his white-haired companion.
One day they would be together again. Here, in this new life. Eventually.
—————
"What a naughty girl is that then? I said very politely that she should give me the Silver Crystal. Why doesn't she listen to me?!"
Endymion stomped angrily through the evening streets of Tokyo. The Youma was really dumb and absolutely useless. Endymion had to add some emphasis to the whole thing. He stood there visibly annoyed and watched the battle unfold as he commanded the multiple braided demon
"Why don't you obey me, Braida?! Take the Silver Crystal from her!"
But before the Youma could execute the repeated command in any way, four more warriors, including two cats, appeared.
The weapons were highly impressive, and Braida was completely powerless against Sailor Moon's Moon Scepter.
Endymion looked highly annoyed at the returned hairdresser and her associates falling on the street.
"Well, Kunzite has brought back B-goods, Braida could do nothing. I will never let this flea market Youma come under me again."
"Tuxedo Mask!" he suddenly heard someone say.
"I'm so glad you're okay... Mamoru."
The girl in the red fuku seemed to be quite obviously mentally confused. What did she want from him? Approaching strangers on the street at night? Was she looking for trouble or what? Luckily, she was immediately called to reason by the blue-haired warrior standing next to her.
"Sailor Mars!"
"Be careful, he's not the Tuxedo Mask we knew," came from the other blonde in the orange dress.
What was with her? He had no clue who she was! But she obviously knew him, as she continued explaining to the still confused girl in red.
"He is a commander of the Dark Kingdom. Endymion."
The black-haired girl didn't want to believe a word from her - was she perhaps a kind of caretaker? - and snapped at him again.
"Oh? But no! That's not possible! Tell me it's not true, Tuxedo Mask!"
Maybe it would be best if he gave her something to think about so she would be distracted from him. The poor thing probably needed her medicine quickly, so he hit her with the first thing that came to mind, something he had read in the romance novel he had secretly "borrowed" from Kunzite.
"Roses have thorns. When red roses turn black, you will feel those thorns."
"That's not true!" The girl in the red dress apparently didn't understand a word anymore, and even the blue-haired one was suddenly slightly confused. Funny, he had considered her the smartest of the whole bunch. They all had rather skimpy outfits, by the way. In weather like today, they'd end up with a bladder infection.
"And you really want to fight us now?"
Ah yes, Endymion was not fond of answering such unpleasant questions. So he explained, slightly drawn out,
"It's not my style to defeat women, but if it's the only way to get the Silver Crystal-"
Suddenly, he heard Queen Beryl commanding him to leave the battlefield immediately... because supposedly, Queen Metalia thought he urgently needed to come home again. Pff, if it had to be, then fine. It wasn't inconvenient for him. The gloves were brand new, and he didn't want bloodstains on them.
"Well, Sailor Warriors, then we'll have to postpone our final battle for now."
he explained offhandedly.
"What?" came the girls' chorus.
He had to give them some kind of dumb line as he stood there - still with a pain-stricken face behind the mask - in front of them. What was that line in Kunzite's erotic novel? Oh yes -
"Friendship among girls is unreliable. It is like a withered flower whose petals the wind scatters in all directions. Think about that. Until next time!"
On a scale of one to ten, that was a solid minus five! But fine, when he saw the warriors next time, he would definitely come up with a better line (Kunzite's Sailor Moon fanfic collection was also quite impressive). And there would be a next time quite soon.
He was more than sure of that!
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Dear readers,
On November 13, 2020, Akira Kubodera, the charismatic actor of Kunzite in PGSM, passed away. I think of him often when writing parodic segments of my fictional Kunzite here. He was truly a great and very humorous actor. Rest in peace.