August 14th, 2013, LIDL parking lot, somewhere in Oxford

Cheerfully humming, a noticeable short man with way too dark hair for his age was loading his groceries into his Toyota Hilux 3.0 D4-D (several gallons of gin, tonic and lemons).

When he climbed into the driver's seat, he started the engine, lowered the window and hit play on the car radio, enjoying the blasting music of AC/DC.

Just as he was about to start driving, a loud shout caught his attention.

"MOVE!" and in the next second, a young man with black hair jumped through the open window.

"Bloody hell man! Who are you?" asked the short man.

"HARRY POTTER! NOW SCOOT OVER!" replied the young man. He pushed the older one into the passenger's seat and hit the gas.

Harry let the car speed through the traffic, with his eyes more glued to the rear mirror than to the street.

"Uh, sorry about just jumping in here Mr. Hammond but it was an emergency" began Harry awkwardly.

"No worries as long as you don't crash my car. But how do you know my name?" asked Richard Hammond back.

Harry gave him a sideway glance and replied "Are you kidding me? Everyone knows you. Top Gear is the best!" This earned him a wide grin from Hammond.

"Oh shit!" said Harry suddenly and took a sharp left turn. Hammond had trouble staying in his seat.

"Is there any reason you drive like Clarkson on a temper tantrum?" shouted the famous moderator.

"Because I don't want to get killed!" replied Harry. He reached into his pocket and pulled a stick out of it.

"Hold the wheel!" he ordered and leaned out of the window.

Richard hastily grabbed the wheel and saw in the rear mirror that five or six people in dark…dresses? Were chasing them on what looked like brooms.

"DEPULSO!" shouted Harry. Out of the stick came a pale light that splashed against a barely transparent…dome in front of one of their pursuers.

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! And here Padfoot insists that new is always better. Tch. CRAST!"

This time nothing came out of the stick but one of the broom riders got thrown straight backwards, his broom flew for a few more metres before it crashed into the road.

"YEAH THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT YOU FUCKERS!" cheered Harry and got back into the car.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT, ARE THOSE, IS GOING ON?!" shouted Hammond who was still clutching the wheel.

Harry eyed him for a second and then said "Meh, I have at least one freebie with the Ministry and this is already going south. To make it short, magic is real, I'm a wizard as well as these idiots" he jerked his thumb towards the man chasing them "but they are openly racist and inbred and a whole lot else and they are angry that I killed their supposed Master last year, now they want revenge. Any more questions?"

Hammond gaped like a fish out of water before he said "Uh yeah, where are we going?"

"To my home in London. My godfather can then help me deal with all the stress this whole situation will cause and I can brag that I met you" and with that Harry once more floored it.

Meanwhile at Grimmauld Place

A cheerful Sirius came into the living room after he just won a very steamy bet against Ted. Let's not go into details, but it involved stamina and Andromeda.

In the living room sat Daphne who was having a free day today.

"Hey Daphne" greeted Sirius his more or less daughter-in-law.

Daphne looked up from her book and shot him a small smile "Hello Sirius. Might I suggest using at least a Scourgify when you have intercourse?"

Sirius blushed and did as she requested. He then looked around the room. "Is Chompy still out?"

With a sigh, Daphne slammed her book shut and whined "Yeeeeesssss! It's so unfair of him. I have the day off and he goes to Oxford to buy a stupid video game"

Sirius laughed and let himself fall into his favourite armchair. "I'm sure he'll be back soon, let's see if something good is on the telly" he said cheerfully and grabbed the remote.

After five minutes of mindless channel-hopping, they reached a news channel.

"Ladies and Gentleman, as you can see, the Toyota is still getting chased by unknown predators. Onlookers confirmed that the mysterious beings are humans on brooms, but we have no clue of who they are, what they want and how they fly on brooms."

The camera showed a red car getting chased by four black dots. Suddenly, a head of black hair came out of the driver's window

"Holy shit is that Harry?" yelled Sirius in shock.

Daphne stared at the screen in disbelief, already having recognized the head of her precious hubby.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" yelled Tonks who ran/fell into the living room. She also recognized Harry in less than a second.

"Oh this is not good. So not good" she moaned and slumped into the couch.

"Why?" asked Sirius confused.

"That's a nation wide news broadcast. Unless Harry has a really good idea of how to explain this, the statue is blown." replied the Metamorphmagus tiredly.

"Oh fuck" said Sirius and Daphne simultaneously. Just then, they saw how Harry blasted another Death Eater off his broom.

Back in the car

"Only three left!" cheered Hammond as Harry took back the wheel.

"Yeah, maybe we can get them all before-" he cut himself off and then cursed loudly "FUCK!"

"What's up mate?" asked Hammond confused.

"Uh well, you see Richard, the whole magic is real thingy is supposed to be a secret and as long as I'm not mistaken, that's a news helicopter above us"

Hammond gaped at Harry, realising in what situation they were in right now.

"Damn it, time for some bigger guns. Let's switch!" ordered Harry seriously.

Hammond complied and the two men changed their seats while still driving at max speed. After a few awkward moments, Harry was now able to fully climb out of the window.

"JUST KEEP DRIVING TO GRIMMAULD PLACE IN EASTERN LONDON!" yelled Harry over the rushing wind, getting a thumbs up from Hammond.

Harry then pointed his wand at the three remaining pursuers and grinned when he saw that two of them were quite fat and the last one had silky blonde hair.

"HEY SIXTH-GENERATION OF INCEST CUCKHOLD! I WANTED TO DO THIS SINCE WE FIRST MET! INSULTING MY MUM WAS A BIG MISTAKE! AVSA!" (Avsa, drain the strength of your opponents)

Pretty self explanatory spell, it drained the target of its physical strength. It took a few minutes but suddenly, all three pursuers fell unconscious on their brooms and crashed into the countryside. With a satisfied grin, Harry pocketed his wand.

Suddenly, his cell phone rang. He grabbed it and answered the call. "Uhhh hello?" Harry said calmly and as innocent as possible, pretending as if he wasn't currently in a high speeding car and getting pursued by death eaters

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Oh shit, his full name. Welp he was screwed either way so Harry then began yelling at the phone.

"UH, HEY UNCLE MOONY! I GUESS YOU'RE FOLLOWING THIS ON THE TELLY?"

"AS WELL AS THE WHOLE NATION! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT CHAOS YOU ARE CAUSING?!"

Harry heard a tint of proudness in his uncle's voice. "Are you actually angry at me for doing this or proud?"

Remus sighed on the other end of the line and said "A bit of both. Any smartass ideas of how to fix this?"

Harry stared at the Helicopter for a few moments and then asked "The camera pictures get sent to a satellite and from there to every telly in Britain, right?"

"Yes, why?" asked Remus curiously.

"And magic is in the end also some form of light with an effect, right?" continued Harry.

"Also correct." stated the werewolf.

"Then I have an idea. Call home and tell them to have a shitload of Pepper-Up potions ready" and with that Harry hung up.

Swiftly, he climbed back into the car. "Floor it Hammond, we can't lose any more time."

"On it mate" replied the moderator and sped into London.

Ten minutes later, Harry's and Daphne's room

Daphne closed the clip on her bra and smirked at her very attractive body in the mirror, currently clad in a set of dark green lingerie which left zero room for imagination.

Inside Daphne's mind

Raphne and Daphne were once more tied up in a corner after Daphne sneaked up on them and knocked them unconscious.

"What exactly is the plan you idiot?" asked Raphne with a tired sigh.

"The precious might go to prison or worse get executed! His last memory of freedom should be his beloved wife naked!" screamed Daphne back with tears in her eyes.

Raphne and Eaphne looked at each other in confusion.

"She actually has a point" admitted Eaphne.

"You're a fucking degenerate!. You're no better Eaphne and don't encourage her!" Raphne yelled before she desperately tried to knock herself out.

Back in the real world

A loud screech was heard from outside. Daphne hurried down the stairs, in the entrance hall she nearly ran over Sirius who was carrying a giant sack full of pepper-up potions.

He shortly looked her over before he shrugged and both got out of the house. There stood a big red car and from the passenger side, Harry jumped out.

"I'll explain later, you look hot Daphne! Gimme that!" said Harry quickly and grabbed the sack Sirius was holding.

Quickly he began downing the potions and after twenty bottles he said "There we go! HAMMOND, FOLLOW THE SEXY LADY INSIDE AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING!"

Hammond, Sirius and Daphne went into the house as Harry demanded, he then pulled out his wand and pointed it at the Helicopter that was still above him broadcasting. To be more precise, he aimed his magic stick at the camera on the bottom of the flying machine.

"KOMAU" he yelled with all his strength and might.

Magic in the end is just some form of energy. Energy will get transformed, transported and transformed again, but its core characteristic will never be lost. In the case of magic, the effect of a spell. Harry fired a mind control spell into a live-broadcasting camera, which caused a mind-control effect to spread over all of Britain thanks to the Satellite, the news channel used for broadcasting.

To make it short, Harry now had control over every single human being on the British Isles, except whoever was in a magical warded building. This of course took a lot of strength, that's why he drank all that Pepper-Up potions.

"FORGET WHATEVER YOU SAW AND OR HEARD ABOUT A WILD CHASE ON THE M40 FROM OXFORD TO LONDON INVOLVING A RED TOYOTA HILUX AND MEN IN DARK DRESSES ON BROOMS!"

And after that he collapsed.

Three days later

Harry groggily opened his eyes and felt a strong sense of peace wash over him. The reason? His head was currently buried in the heavenly bosom of his wife.

"Good morning darling. How are you?" asked Daphne in a sing-sang voice.

"I'm fine, thanks dear." replied Harry and raised his head out of paradise, to both their dismay but now they needed to do damage control. At least that's what Harry thought.

"Nope" cheered Daphne and pulled his head back between her breasts "You have nothing to worry about. Your plan worked perfectly, nobody could remember anything about your little car chase. The Ministry was able to catch the six idiots that attacked you and put all the blame on them. So as I said, nothing to worry about"

"Huh" began Harry and snuggled deeper into God's valley. "And what about Hammond?"

"He left his phone number, address and email for you and said this was the most fun he had since he threw Orang-Utan's caravan down a cliff, whatever he meant with that. Sirius hasn't stopped pouting since he found out you befriended Richard Hammond."

This caused Harry to smirk, before he was suddenly rolled onto his back. Looking up, he saw Daphne hovering above him with a hungry glint in her eyes he knew all too well.

"But these are all things we can think about later. For now, you have four days of missed hubby duties to fulfil"

Harry was glad to comply.

The End

Thanks to Godofwolves90 (Reddit Name Dark_Lord_Slytherin) for co-writing