Hey there! Long time no read! :)
(Again… :( …)
But I have some sort of excuse – the second part of what was supposed to be chapter 23 was really difficult for me to write. It was so difficult that in the meantime I returned to the first chapters and reread, proofed and rewrote some content!
(Also I had a short affair with HxH – wrote a one-shot, that I'd love to continue, featuring Chrollo and Kurapika! Not a romance, though… But the affair lasted only a couple of days, I swear! If you like that manga and those characters, do check it out! :P /End of shameless self-advertising.)
I actually corrected chapter 1 and chapter 2, renamed and reuploaded them with the previous chapter 22, but the changes were mainly cosmetic (well, in chapter 2 I changed the order of events a bit, so they now make more sense). Since then any other changes were only cosmetic.
But! I have completely rewritten chapter 3 (like 90% of the content is entirely new), so it goes better with later, more dramatic chapters. There's more interaction between Rukia and Ulquiorra, too! ❤
And last – chapter 4. There's a lot of new content in addition to the old one. And I improved Rukia's encounters with Aizen and Ichimaru. I admit that originally they were rather half-arsed, especially the one with Aizen… Oh, and there's more interaction between our main heroes, too! ❤ And an omake!
So check them out whenever you want! I hope you'll like them!
I think I'll be returning to other early chapters, if possible, but I don't think there will be as many changes as in chapters 3 and 4. I'll keep you updated!
Going back to this update… You might have noticed that I mentioned "the second part of what was supposed to be chapter 23"… When writing it, the chapter grew to almost 14,000 words (mission, accomplished, I'd say!), so I decided to split it into two chapters, especially since the second part is quite different from the first. But because it was supposed to be one chapter, I'm of course uploading them both, and you can treat them as one update!
So there :)
Last but not least, I'd like to thank all of you who've left their review(s) and/or PM(s) since the last chapter!
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Thank you very much! I'm always thrilled to read your comments! I know I suck at replying, and it seems to be an incorrigible condition, but know that I really, really love you—❤❤❤ People who left their reviews unsigned will find my replies on my profile, as usual. I really hope I didn't omit anyone – if I did, feel free to smack me on the head!
And now I present you chapter 23! Nelliel and Orihime steal some spotlight here, but it's an important chapter.
朝霧 -Asagiri-
The Frozen Whisper
by Asagiri
Chapter 23
Motivations and Threats
Hueco Mundo's everlasting night could do nothing to prevent Ulquiorra from waking up on his daily schedule, just as the moon's cold rays could do nothing to cool that unusual but pleasant warmth that whirled inside him. Like every other morning for the past week or even longer, his first thoughts were on Rukia – on her smile, her eyes, her body, her scent, her voice, her taste… He wanted her all for himself every waking hour and even when asleep.
Getting up and dressing, his eyes wandered to her zanpakutō, and suddenly he wanted to know everything about it, about Rukia's fighting skills, her abilities. He knew most about it, true, but he wanted to know it from her, to witness it, to experience it. Just like everything else about her.
Ulquiorra wanted to experience her. He wanted her to be part of his existence.
Truly an odd thought, yet very compelling.
But he had to be careful. One moment of carelessness and he could shatter it all, plunging himself again into emptiness laced with madness and despair. His existence without Rukia had no meaning. He had to keep her safe… But how could he protect her from himself? And at the same time keep her close to himself?
Of one thing he was sure, though – he would find the solution, he had to.
He wouldn't go to her this morning, as much as he disliked this idea. He wanted to make sure his emptiness was appeased first, and he had an idea how to do that, at least temporarily.
For now he had to be patient and more circumspect than ever before. Too much was at stake as for the first time in his life Ulquiorra had actually something precious and meaningful, and he didn't want to lose it.
Rukia woke up from a lazily pleasant dream. Unfortunately it evaporated from her mind the moment she became fully awake. She didn't remember what it was about, or who was in it, but she'd like to think it involved Ulquiorra.
After all the dream left her happy and excited. Just like the memory of him being so close to her she could feel his warmth and smell his skin and hair; his body pressed against hers, his weight on her, his touch, his lips on her hand…
Or perhaps it too had been just a dream?
Rukia blushed and rolled around in the bedsheets. No. That most definitely had been real. And she wanted more. She wanted to feel him, to touch and kiss him.
And to protect him.
She absolutely refused to acknowledge the possibility that his Hollow part might take over him and hurt her again. She decided not to worry about it, not now, not when she was so foolishly happy. Besides, it might not necessarily happen again. Ulquiorra was strong-willed and composed. They also had to take into account that yesterday his anger at Nnoitra had played a big role, if not the main. He wasn't used to such intense emotions, and thus he'd lost his inner balance and the Hollow overtook him. He hadn't seemed aware of even a possibility of losing himself to that dark part of his being. But it had happened. Nevertheless, she was sure Ulquiorra would do everything to prevent it from happening ever again.
She still felt safe near him. And in his arms… Gods, how she wanted to find herself in his arms again! Or hold him close to herself, all propriety be damned!
Rukia was hopelessly and foolishly happy. And she just couldn't smother those feelings, and truth be told – she didn't want to, not anymore. With all their consequences.
Looking at the clock, it showed past ten o'clock. She totally slept in – no wonder she felt rested, it wasn't just the sweet dream. With a silly grin on her face she finally got up, and to her surprise she noticed the food trolley with her breakfast waiting for her near the door. She looked around the room, even though it was obvious that besides her there was no-one else. Disappointment washed over her. She wouldn't get to see Ulquiorra this morning, it seemed.
Sighing sullenly, Rukia readied herself for the day. At least there were no signs of the last night's events in the room, for what she was glad.
"It's Ulquiorra," he announced himself before entering the room of Inoue Orihime. A servant followed him in with a food trolley and after setting it slightly aside, she left.
The Human woman stared at him with slightly widened eyes, evidently hesitating whether to speak up or keep silent. He presumed she wanted to bring up the events from the previous night and Rukia's wounds; to hear his explanation or at least see his regret. But something held her back. It could be either fear of him or trust in her friend, and he was almost sure it was the latter.
"Eat quickly. Aizen-sama wishes to see you," he cut short anything she might have wanted to say or accuse him of, even though she had every reason to do that.
Ulquiorra leaned against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest, giving himself an impatient look. He wanted to get this business over and done with, so he could carry on with his day and make crucial preparations to see Rukia in the evening.
Waiting for the woman to finish her breakfast, he amused himself with a thought of the relationship between Rukia and himself. He'd just realised that when he was going to her, he hadn't been announcing his arrival for some time now. After a simple knock on the door, he set foot in and quickly scanned the room for her. Once his eyes located her, he… he was at home.
Both women could expect him to come on a quite regular schedule, but he anticipated seeing only Rukia. Was it because of an impatience of some sorts that he didn't bother wasting even that second or so to say his name? Or was it maybe because he felt that not only did she expect him, but also waited for him? Whatever it was, he liked the familiarity between them, and he didn't want it to ever change, unless it was to grow to even more intimate levels.
Orihime ate quietly, from time to time taking a glance at Ulquiorra-san. She knew what he'd done to Kuchiki-san from Shun'ō's story of what he'd seen and heard. She'd seen the injuries herself. Yet nothing about the Espada as much as hinted that something was bothering him. At all. He looked the same way as always – cool and impassive.
Did he feel any sort of remorse for hurting Kuchiki-san? She couldn't tell.
Though he had brought her for her to heal… And she'd seen before that he wasn't completely indifferent when it came to her friend; Shun'ō too had spoken of familiarity he felt between them… What exactly was Kuchiki-san to him? How did he feel about her?
Aizen-san had told him that Kuchiki-san was his to do as he pleased with her. He hadn't killed her, but he hadn't let her go either.
Kuchiki-san seemed to trust him and care about him; Orihime hadn't felt in her anything even close to fear or resentment towards him. She'd hushed up the fact that it'd been Ulquiorra-san who'd inflicted the wounds, despite it being blatantly obvious, too. She'd told her that everything was all right. Could it have been a lie to keep her from worrying?
Yet, Orihime couldn't help but worry. She didn't think Kuchiki-san was safe with him, regardless of how he felt about her.
Nevertheless for the time being, just as asked the previous night, she was going to trust her friend's judgement. Finishing her meal, she stood up and bowed.
"Thank you for taking care of Kuchiki-san."
"Ridiculous," Ulquiorra retorted sharper than he intended, self-loathing surfacing heavily in his gut. He might have brought Rukia to the Human woman to heal, but he'd been the one to hurt her in the first place. How was that for taking care of Rukia?
Orihime at first was taken aback, but then she smiled unsurely. So he did care after all… didn't he?
Pushing himself off the wall, the Espada opened the door. "Come, Aizen-sama's waiting for you."
Her smile faltered and knowing she couldn't refuse, she obediently followed him. What could possibly Aizen-san want with her? Was she again to repair the Hōgyoku? Orihime just hoped she wouldn't get involved in anything sinister or anything that could hurt her friends.
After a short walk in silence, they stood in front of a door, though inconspicuous, it lead to Aizen-san's personal study. The 4th Espada knocked.
"It's Ulquiorra with Inoue Orihime."
After a pause the door opened and they heard, "Come in."
Orihime dreaded walking into the room where Aizen-san awaited her. She couldn't help but tremble at the mere thought of meeting him again. He hadn't ever hurt her, never said anything unpleasant – quite the contrary – he'd always been polite and extremely congenial to her. But she couldn't stand the man, something about him terrified her to the core. Even she, an innocent, happy-go-lucky girl, couldn't find a hint of sincerity or good in him. Not to mention he'd hurt her friends, especially Kuchiki-san, and that was something she could never forgive.
Taking a deep, calming breath, she took a step across the threshold and entered the room.
Aizen-san sat comfortably on a sofa, resting one of his hands on a big, red cushion, while in the other he held a cup of tea. Loly and Menoly stood few steps behind him ready for his orders. Orihime gulped seeing the two. Their animosity towards her hadn't subsided a bit, she noticed.
Ulquiorra-san stayed behind, positioning himself by the door.
"Orihime, how are you?" Aizen-san greeted her with his most pleasant smile. From behind his back his aides glared at her menacingly.
The Human girl smiled feebly. "I'm good, I guess, thank you."
"Do sit down." He gestured to an armchair by the glass table and she complied.
"Tea?" he asked, but before she could reply, he waved at Loly to prepare her a cup. The Arrancar grudgingly obeyed, and with a malicious scowl she placed the tea in front of Orihime with a sharp clink. Had she used just a tad more force, the fine porcelain would have shattered for sure.
Unconcerned by his aide's behaviour, Aizen-san turned to the Human girl, "I have summoned you for there's one thing I'm certain you could help me with."
Orihime didn't like it one bit, nonetheless she replied, "Yes?"
"How precise can your power of rejection be?"
"I'm not sure if I understand your question…" she trailed off, furrowing her eyebrows. She most definitely did not like this.
"To put it simply – can you reject only a chosen fragment and not the whole?"
"I don't know. I never thought about it," Orihime replied hesitantly, apprehension spreading through her body.
"Let's try it out then. I always was more fond of practice than theory, anyway." Smiling kindly, he turned to his subordinates, "Menoly, can you please come here?"
"My pleasure, Aizen-sama!" the Arrancar girl practically shouted and hurried to Aizen-san's side. Her eyes shined with enthusiasm and pride, only to widen in surprise as suddenly two crimson lines crossed on her chest and her white clothes rapidly stained red. All that happened in less than a split second, but for Orihime it seemed the time had stopped as she dumbly stared at the scene.
"Now, Orihime, repair her clothes, but don't touch the wound. Can you do that for me?"
Aizen-san's voice broke her out of her stupor that instantly changed into horror, when she finally grasped what was happening. "But-but!"
"If you don't do as I say, I'm afraid our dear Menoly will die." He spoke calmly, and there were signs of amusement playing around the corners of his lips. "You don't want that to happen, do you?"
The Arrancar girl fell to her knees, all the while glaring at Orihime with resentment and accusation.
"Ayame! Shun'ō!" she cried urgently. "Sōten Kisshun!"
"Good girl. Just the jacket, please.
Orihime didn't need to look at him to know that he was smiling – she could hear it in his voice. It was frightening.
The cuts and bloodstains quickly disappeared from the Arrancar's clothes, but when she paused her power of rejection, they again turned crimson.
"Amazing. Your powers are truly extraordinary, Orihime."
Seeing that he was satisfied with her performance, she proceeded to heal the wound. She managed to quickly stabilise it, but Aizen-san's reiatsu was difficult to reject. Had he inflicted the wound with full intent, like Ulquiorra-san on Kurosaki-kun, she would have had an even bigger problem.
It took her few minutes to negate the wound. When she was done, she looked at Aizen-san. His smug satisfaction, that he didn't even try to hide, made her miserable and apprehensive of what he might want from her next.
The master of Las Noches stood up, walked to Menoly and helped her to her feet, causing a blush to spread across her cheeks.
"Menoly, you did a great job, thank you," he said in a velvety voice and it was obvious the Arrancar was on cloud nine, even though her superior had just played with her life. Then he looked at both of his aides, "If you two girls could leave us… Thank you."
Loly and Menoly were gone with sweet "As you wish, Aizen-sama," but not before sending Orihime a pain-promising glares.
"Now, my dear Orihime…" he turned to her and there was something predator-like in his gaze and smile. "You see, I always strive for perfection. I want to be invincible and you're going to help me. I wish to… assimilate with the Hōgyoku, you see. To put it simply – I wish to insert it into my body and for you to heal the torn tissue around the orb. This should trigger a smooth fusion between the Hōgyoku and I."
Orihime stared at him with wide eyes. Invincible? That would mean even more trouble for her friends and Soul Society. Dealing with just the Espadas seemed like a bitter ordeal! Aizen-san becoming even stronger would mean…
"I… don't want to…" she whispered, terrified.
"Oh?" He smiled. It made a shiver run down her spine. "It's not like I can force you… But I heard recently that one of my Espadas has developed quite an… unhealthy interest in Kuchiki Rukia, your friend."
Alarmed, she sharply turned her head around to stare at Ulquiorra-san. Was she wrong about him after all? Had yesterday been—
"And I don't mean Ulquiorra," Aizen-san interrupted her train of thought. "I believe you've been acquainted with Nnoitra?"
Her eyes widened even more and she shuddered, as the memory of that tall Espada flashed in her mind. She again could feel his fingers down her throat and his hand on her breasts. But she didn't look away from Ulquiorra-san who didn't even flinch at his master's words. He simply stared back at her unblinkingly.
Why didn't he protest? What was Kuchiki-san to him, really? If she continued to refuse, would he be fine with her being thrown at the mercy of Nnoitra? What was more important to him – Aizen-san's orders or Kuchiki-san's well-being? Could she risk refusing?
"Shall I have Kuchiki Rukia brought here?" Aizen-san's voice broke through the tumult of her thoughts.
Orihime abhorred the idea of her friend getting hurt, she couldn't let that happen…! Besides, as long as they were alive, there was hope, right?
"I-I'll do it," she finally uttered in resignation, her eyes wandering to the floor – anywhere, but that smug face of Aizen-san's. She couldn't miss the triumph in his voice, though.
"Splendid. I knew you would see it my way."
A moment passed in silence, no-one said anything, no-one moved. Then she heard him clear his throat. Reluctantly looking up at the master of Las Noches, she noticed he was gazing at her expectantly. She knitted her eyebrows together quizzically.
"If you don't have any objections, I'd like to start the procedure now."
Orihime gaped at him in a mix of surprise and dread. "N-now?" she stammered. She would never be ready for such thing, but this was way too abrupt, nonetheless. Panic overran her mind. "C-can I first finish my t-tea?"
"Of course, take your time, Orihime." He spoke kindly, but she instinctively knew she couldn't stall longer than drinking a cup of tea. He wouldn't allow it. And she had a feeling the longer he waited the more endangered Kuchiki-san was. She couldn't count on Ulquiorra-san; she couldn't gamble with her friend's life!
The cup clattered on the saucer, as she picked them up with shaky hands.
Maybe this could be her chance to undo the Hōgyoku? She wouldn't have another one, that was certain. If she succeeded, Aizen-san wouldn't get any stronger, and he wouldn't be able to produce more Arrancars. He would no longer—
"Oh, and my dear Orihime… don't try anything… senseless," he almost purred those words, clearly amused.
She stared at him wide-eyed, while he smiled at her pleasantly.
That was right… She wouldn't be able to do anything without him noticing. Vanishing such artefact would take time, too. Lots of time, she imagined. It was hopeless.
It would be more difficult for Kurosaki-kun to take on Aizen-san, but he would manage, wouldn't he? Besides, he had Soul Society to aid him. This time he wasn't alone on the battlefield, he had strong allies. She believed in him. It was Kurosaki-kun, after all – nothing was impossible for him!
There it was, the last drop of her tea. Her time was up.
Aizen-san must have noticed, because he stood up and approached her.
"Are you ready?" He extended his hand.
Everything was blurred, and it took her a moment to realise it was because of her tears. She hastily wiped them off and looked at him again. There, in the middle of his palm laid a bluish jewel, gently glowing.
"Y-yes…" she whispered and reluctantly took the Hōgyoku. It was warm, but not from Aizen-san's touch. She could tell it was its own warmth.
The master of Las Noches turned to his subordinate, "Ulquiorra, can I ask you to make a hole in my chest? Right in the middle, close to the heart, deep to the spine."
"Naturally, Aizen-sama," the Espada bowed dutifully.
For a moment Ulquiorra thought about killing Aizen-sama. His heart would be exposed and it would be his real body, not the illusion. Just an inch or two to the right and he could rip it out. One swift movement… Rukia was his and not even his master had any rights to her. He knew that it'd been just a bluff to scare the Human woman into submission, but still… He was outraged.
And this woman too… He could have seen her hesitation, she'd wanted to refuse Aizen-sama's request, hoping that he would stand up to his master and protect Rukia. His loyalty would not be tested by some Human woman.
Still the question lingered in his mind – what would he do if his master actually ordered him to give Rukia to Nnoitra, or anyone for that matter?
"Shall I proceed, Aizen-sama?" he asked, flexing his fingers.
"Orihime?"
She only nodded her head labouredly. Her paled face was contorted in anguish and dread. To Ulquiorra she looked like a beaten animal resigned to more pain, completely submissive.
Aizen-sama sat back on the sofa and unzipped his jacket. For the last time he showed Ulquiorra the spot for the Hōgyoku. "Proceed, please."
A swift movement indeed, but the Espada didn't aim for the heart, but precisely there where Aizen-sama had instructed. Not even a speck of blood or tissue was left on his fingers.
Stepping aside, Ulquiorra observed as the Human woman inserted the orb into the wound, her hands trembling. He was actually surprised that she managed this task without any incident, though he did understand why Aizen-sama made her do it, instead of doing it himself.
"Sōten Kisshun."
Orihime prayed. Ardently. Hopelessly. Painfully. She didn't want anyone to get hurt. She didn't want anyone to get killed. She wanted peace and quiet, love and joy, fun and carefreeness. Her powers were supposed to help, to heal, to fix, to protect. And now, because of her, there was a possibility that more people would get hurt, more would die. And for what? For a mad ambition she didn't really understand. Invincibility… Power… Strength… If they meant death and destruction, she didn't want them to ever take shape. She'd be happy to reject them into nothingness.
Kurosaki-kun… She had to believe that if she didn't manage to reject all that threat and suffering, then Kurosaki-kun would most certainly succeed. He knew what to do, it came naturally to him. Nothing could stop him, he was pure light. Aizen-san stood no chance against him and there were captains of the Gotei 13, too. Kurosaki-kun would save them all. Just like he always did.
Kurosaki-kun…!
Hands over her wrists broke her out of her supplication.
"Thank you, Orihime."
Those words made her blood run cold. She looked up at Aizen-san standing tall over her. Even her tear-clouded eyes could see it.
He didn't change physically. Only if one looked close enough they'd notice there was a faint glow in the middle of his chest and something beside his heart pulsated rhythmically. His reiatsu too didn't change, at least not yet, but she could feel its… excitement, it was buzzing with possibilities.
But there was other change, a terrible one that shook her to the core.
He was confident and proud before, but now it seemed he reached a new level.
Aizen-san became a god. A terrifying god.
Bringing his hand to her face he wiped her tears, slowly, tenderly. "Cry not, my dear Orihime. You're too pretty for tears."
His touch was making her uncomfortable, but she could only stare at him wretchedly.
"This healing surely tired you. I suggest you go back to your room and rest."
Nodding her head and sending Aizen-san a forced and uneasy smile, Orihime turned around and aimed for the door. She just wanted to run away, to disappear. Unfortunately the time seemed to slow down for her. Her every move took forever and her body seemed to be made of lead. It was as if she fell into a trance. Seeing Ulquiorra-san open the door, she gathered all her strength and focused on reaching it, and getting away from the master of Las Noches.
She heard a murmur behind her and it took her a few seconds to comprehend his words.
"I'll see you soon, Orihime."
In her mind she negated him and his self-confident smile she was sure he wore at the moment. Somehow she managed to reach the corridor. The walk to her cell too seemed as if it would never end. It felt like she was going through mud, or bogs – she was being pulled somewhere dark and dreadful.
She'd done something terrible. She'd betrayed her dearest friends. She'd helped the enemy.
For the first time Orihime was glad to be in her cell. She was practically panting from the extortion. Her legs gave out on her and she plopped on the floor.
"What have I done?" she breathed out aghast.
"The only possible thing you could have done in that situation."
She looked up at Ulquiorra-san startled – she forgot that he was there. "I… I just couldn't let him hurt Kuchiki-san…" she told him tearfully. "And you… would you let him throw her at that awful man's mercy?"
Ulquiorra eyed her sternly. She was again questioning his loyalty to Aizen-sama. But… would he?
"Whatever I do or don't is no concern of yours, woman. You make your choices and I make mine," he replied testily. "If you aren't ready to make difficult choices, you shouldn't get yourself involved."
"If I refused then?"
He was peeved now. "You didn't. What-ifs regarding the past are nothing but redundant."
"Kuchiki-san trusts you, and she cares about you," she cried sadly. "Surely you know that, and yet…" She didn't finish her sentence, but the accusation was there, and not a baseless one, too.
Ulquiorra froze for a second, not wanting to show that this woman's words had any effect on him. After all, he knew. However knowing it was one thing. Actually hearing someone else say it out loud was completely different. It somehow grounded everything between Rukia and him into reality, bearing witness to it, making it even more genuine and meaningful.
But he wasn't the only one to gamble with Rukia's life. Angry at himself and Inoue Orihime, he decided to take it out on the woman.
Ulquiorra responded coldly, "If you haven't noticed, you did Rukia no favour by coming here in the first place."
Her eyes widened at his retaliation. "I just didn't want her to get hurt…"
He spoke calmly, without any emotion to his voice, but inside he was full of indignation. "You do realise you endangered her more this way, don't you? The very moment you appeared in Hueco Mundo, she became useless." Except to him, naturally. "If it wasn't for me, Rukia would have been killed then. You would have got her killed by your foolish and unreasonable need to save everyone. What were you thinking?"
"I… I just… You'd hurt her if I didn't come…" she stammered and her wide open eyes began to well with tears.
"Why did you come here, really?" Ulquiorra questioned cruelly, ignoring that her standpoint too wasn't entirely wrong.
She looked panicked at first, but he brushed it off as a sign of distraught from the encounter with Aizen-sama, and the physical and psychological toll it took on her. Then she started to sob uncontrollably and woefully.
"Kuchiki-san's… She's my f-friend… I don't want her to get h-hurt or be alone…" The Human woman looked miserable with her tear-stained face and shaky voice. She continued in frantic whisper, "I just want to s-save her… F-from resignation, f-from hopelessness… She's been there already… She g-gave up on life once… I d-don't want it to happen again…"
Twice, he corrected her in his mind, remembering Rukia's faint, triumphant smile as she'd waned in his arms, welcoming death. It was the first time she'd stirred any emotions in him, even if it was mild fear for his plan's success and a slight astonishment.
Or maybe thrice… Kaien Shiba's death also had moved her deeply, even now it haunted her occasionally.
"What if Rukia doesn't want you here, what if she doesn't want your sacrifice? What if your presence only makes it harder for her? What if your actions are breaking her Heart?" Ulquiorra continued his questions, though there was one he didn't voice straightforwardly – what would this woman do if Rukia chose him over them?
"I know how she f-feels… I felt the same b-before… It's a really c-complicated feeling…" She sniffed. "P-partly you feel… g-guilty and sad… that someone might g-get hurt because of you… But at the same t-time… you… you're happy and moved that you're… this important to someone." Inoue Orihime then stopped cowering and some sort of tranquillity came over her. She spoke calmly, if not a little bit sadly. She no longer stuttered, as if she was speaking obvious truths one could find comfort in. Tears kept rolling down her cheeks, though.
"She doesn't want us to get hurt because of her. She doesn't think she's worth our efforts. But I think it's our decision and we all believe she's worth every effort. She's our friend and a wonderful person, and we can't leave her alone to pain and solitude. She has to believe in us just as we believe in her."
She smiled that odd smile, too ambiguous for him to fully understand. Many times he saw one like this on Rukia's face. It wasn't a happy smile, but it wasn't entirely a sad one either. There were traces of resignation though, but also inner peace. Nelliel too smiled like this from time to time. Perhaps it was a women's thing?
Though he'd rather Rukia smiled happily, with a spark in her eyes.
Ulquiorra couldn't say he comprehended Inoue Orihime's motivation, at least not by way of reason, but somewhere deep inside, he found some sort of understanding. It was more instinctive than anything else. He understood that people didn't always perceive the reality through intellect and logic. There was also Heart.
He did find that motivation of the Human woman and her lot commendable, though, and he agreed – Rukia was worth every effort. He'd kill anyone that would dare to take Rukia away from him. Including Aizen-sama. And including himself. He would not lose her, no matter what.
Rukia scrutinised herself in the bathroom mirror. She'd noticed it in the morning, but then she'd shrugged it off as seeing things. Yet again with pleasant surprise she noted she looked rather radiant today and perhaps even pretty. Long and relaxing slumber erased all fatigue from her face and there was even a spark in her eyes. With all her thoughts circling around the certain green-eyed Espada, she couldn't keep the smile off her face, too.
Sending a wide grin at her reflection, she practically skipped back to the room with hopes of seeing Ulquiorra soon.
As if on cue, she heard a knock on the door. Excited she waited for him to enter, at the same trying to keep that silly smile off her face. How come it was so much more difficult to conceal happiness than pain, anger or hatred?
However instead of Ulquiorra simply entering the room, she heard "It's Nelliel," and the green-haired Espada walked in.
Rukia stared in perplexity at the unexpected guest. (There was disappointment too, as yet again Ulquiorra didn't come… She was beginning to worry.)
Blinking few times, she regarded the woman with curiosity. The last time she saw her had been at that dinner with Aizen and all his lackeys. Her name was Nelliel – that was how Aizen had introduced her – and she looked exactly like that Arrancar girl from Hueco Mundo desert except for the age… But it had to be her!
"Nel…" she began cautiously. "It's you, isn't it? That little girl that helped Ichigo…"
The Arrancar woman smiled at her kindly. "Yeah, that was me."
"But to think that you were… and are… Aizen's Espada… And an adult…" She trod carefully, not knowing her intentions.
"Yes, it's a long story. No matter what, however, Ichigo is my friend and so I consider you my friend too."
Nel spoke reassuringly and Rukia responded with a grateful smile. There was something about her that put the Shinigami at ease. She didn't trust her completely – after all the woman had returned to Aizen – but she felt that she didn't have to be constantly on guard around her either. A question surfaced in her mind as to why she'd again become an Espada, but Rukia didn't voice it yet, wanting to observe her first.
Nel clasped her hands together happily. "Let's have a dinner then! I got mine too, to keep you company."
Rukia grinned in appreciation and they both made themselves comfortable at the desk. The atmosphere surrounding them was amiable and they indeed seemed like good friends.
"I wanted to see you sooner, but I couldn't find any valid pretext before," the green-haired Arrancar explained while they ate. "Fortunately it's Ulquiorra looking after you, so I didn't have to worry too much. I visited Orihime, though. She repaired my mask, so I won't be turning into a child anymore." Here she patted the skull on her head and indeed the crack was gone and it had all its teeth. "But more importantly, how are you doing?"
"Quite good. For a prisoner, I mean." The Shinigami scrunched up her nose. "There's not many things to do and it irks me I can't leave this room. Well, theoretically I can, but so far it hasn't ended too good for me, so I keep it to those four walls."
Nel nodded her head in understanding. "And what about Ulquiorra? Do you get along with him?"
"Yeah, I guess," Rukia replied casually, trying not to blush.
"You like him, don't you."
She didn't reply, but no reply was really needed. Her face spoke for her as her cheeks turned a nice shade of red, and she had trouble keeping the smile away from her lips.
The Arrancar grinned, and Rukia could see traces of goofiness so characteristic for that little girl she'd met before.
"I saw the look on your face when I appeared instead of Ulquiorra. Total disappointment. But don't worry, he'll see you in the evening. He wouldn't be able to keep himself away from you for long anyway."
The Shinigami blushed even harder, and her heart made few leaps of joy at Nel's words.
However the cheerful mood didn't last long, as amusement on Arrancar's face eventually changed into concern. There was hesitation in her voice when she gently asked, "I don't mean to pry, but are you all right? After yesterday…"
"Yes, everything's just fine," Rukia replied with a smile, but it was a forced one.
Nel sighed sadly, shaking her head. "I'm afraid it's not."
The Shinigami frowned. Something in Arrancar's tone of voice made her dread asking 'Why?' so she kept silent and waited for her explanation.
Nelliel looked at Rukia for few seconds and then somewhere far off into the distance. Gathering her thoughts, she asked, worry on her face, "What do you really know about Hollows? Of our nature?"
"I'm not sure…" the Shinigami tilted her head to the side quizzically, not really knowing where Nel was going with this, but at the same time she was curious (though fearful) to find out. Maybe it would help her understand Ulquiorra better.
"We're usually a product of violent death or the circumstances leading to that death were soul-breaking or involved emotions too intense to be washed away by death. And once we are dead and wandering in the Human World, without aid from Shinigamis, we, those broken souls, become Hollows…"
Rukia nodded silently. She knew this already, and she remembered Ulquiorra telling her similar things. And how could she ever forget that heart-wrenching accusation, but a rightful one.
"So tell me, Rukia, where were you when my Chain of Fate was slowly corroding? When I was slowly losing my mind? When I finally lost it?"
Just a reminiscence of those words filled her with pain and sadness.
"Each Hollow represents an aspect of death, did you know that?" Nel asked.
The Shinigami shook her head.
"The aspect is basically what has caused the demise and suffering. Well, they call it an 'aspect', but in reality it's a curse. We are all cursed. Violent death or strong emotions don't only lead to transformation into a Hollow. They don't disperse after that, they keep haunting us throughout our existence – until we perish. Though some of us take pride in their curses, like it's some sort of a heritage." She shrugged and made a face telling she didn't know what to think about it, really. "It is the source of our power, I guess. An average Hollow does surpass an average Shinigami in terms of sheer power, but at what cost?"
Nel continued after a short pause, "My aspect is sacrifice. Grimmjow's on the other hand destruction… There's many others, like rage, intoxication, solitude… even old age." Then, "Despair, too."
She again fell silent for a moment. Shaking her head as if returning to reality, she looked back at Rukia. "As for your Ulquiorra – it's emptiness… No matter what it is, though, each leads to madness and destruction, quite often to self-destruction, too. Indiscriminatingly. Irreversibly. Inevitably. Some faster than others, though some can survive centuries, too. That is a life of a Hollow."
"What about Ulquiorra's emptiness?" Rukia asked. It didn't sound particularly violent or painful… yet it made her heart ache for him.
"As long as there was only emptiness, he was fine. He didn't want anything, he didn't desire anyone, nothing held any meaning to him. He just sort of existed. Then he met you. You give a meaning to his existence, you make him feel alive. You fill his emptiness. But it can never be filled. His biggest desire will – or maybe already is – your soul. It's beyond his control. He won't stop at anything. His emptiness will swallow you up."
"You don't know that," Rukia tried to speak firmly, but her voice betrayed her uncertainty.
"No, I don't," Nel admitted. "I truly wish I'm wrong. But I fear emptiness isn't that different from despair."
The Shinigami frowned unsure of what the woman meant. Then it dawned on her that she meant a person. "Who?"
"Nnoitra."
Hearing the name Rukia involuntarily cringed.
Nelliel smiled humourlessly at her reaction. "He wasn't always like this. Well, he never was a good person, mind you, but there used to be some reason and sanity in him. But once he fixated on surpassing me and anyone else, he… there is no going back for him, he's lost. And I can't help him. Perhaps I realised it too late. His obsession… it makes him feel alive but at the same time he's blind to anything else. He's desperately trying prove his point, to become the strongest, the best, but it's a path to self-destruction."
Pity and sadness surfaced on the woman's face. "He's become worse after his defeat at the hands of one of your captains, who not only defeated him but also refused him the finishing blow. It hurt his ego and violated his sacred battle code of fighting to the very death. He's fallen prey to obsession, and soon he'll know nothing but despair and destruction."
Rukia just couldn't imagine Ulquiorra becoming someone this abhorrent. Then she blinked few times and frowned inwardly once the meaning of Nel's words fully sank in. Captain? Who? And when…? Shaking her head she decided to leave it for later, having more important matters at hand. She could try asking Ulquiorra about it, too.
"Ulquiorra's different," she stated.
"That's true…" Nelliel agreed hesitantly, but frown of worry didn't leave her face. "But he's attacked you once. You can't sustain this emptiness forever. One day he'll—"
"He won't," the Shinigami cut in. She didn't want to be rude, but at the same time she didn't want to hear more, too afraid the woman could be right, when she stubbornly denied even the shadow of possibility.
Nel sighed in understanding. "I'm only telling you what I know and what I fear might happen. You seem like a reasonable girl, you yourself should know what's best for you."
"Thank you. I really appreciate it, believe me, it's just that… I…"
"You hope." A sad smile appeared on the Arrancar's face. "And I understand you. Just don't let it hurt you in the end." Then she put her hand on Rukia's, squeezing it gently. "And don't let your feelings blind your judgement. Don't sacrifice yourself for his sake, I'm sure he wouldn't like it, he cares too much for you. Losing you is one thing, but if he were to hurt and ultimately kill you with his own hands, it would destroy him completely. In this case love won't save you nor him, it'll just add to the pain."
L-love? Rukia stared at the older woman, surprised, as her mind and heart got overrun with all sorts of thoughts and emotions. Could it be? Could love be what she felt for Ulquiorra?
"If you have the opportunity to escape, take it," Nelliel continued, unaware of the inner confusion she'd just instigated. "That's why Orihime came back to Las Noches, isn't it? To get you out."
The Shinigami's eyes widened in alarm at another bombshell. "I…"
"You don't have to acknowledge my suspicions, but I know I'm right. Ichigo wouldn't let any of his friends risk their life if there was no plan with a hope of success. Otherwise he'd come himself, wreaking havoc on his way." She smiled fondly at the thought. How she wished to meet Ichigo again! To again have fun together and laugh with him as if there was no care in the world! But it would have to wait until she dealt with her responsibilities.
The girl returned her smile, though there was uncertainty and caution in it, as to avoid giving away too much.
Nelliel really wanted to help her, especially since she felt that in a way they were kindred souls. Their circumstances might be different as of now, but with just a small, cruel twist of fate it could change. Or perhaps it was already changing… But if possible, she wanted to prevent it. She didn't want the girl to experience the heartbreaking suffering of watching the loved one turn into a mindless monster driven by madness, despair and pain. She didn't want her to feel oh so helpless for being unable to help, unable to bring any comfort.
"Tomorrow evening all Espadas have a meeting with Aizen," Nelliel urged her. "This could be your chance."
Rukia nodded her head in acknowledgement and pensive silence fell between them. She worried. About Ulquiorra. About Inoue. About choices she had to inescapably make and then things she had to do. Right now her future (her and Ulquiorra's) was so uncertain, she felt that whatever she would decide on, it would lead to misfortune and sorrow. But she had responsibilities and obligations. And wishes and wants fluttering in her heart and mind.
Just like Nel.
She looked at the woman in front of her and understood the melancholy in her eyes. Her motivations were clear now. Nevertheless she decided to ask and confirm her suspicions – after all it was difficult to believe that this kind woman cared for a beast like the 5th Espada.
"Is Nnoitra the reason you came back to Aizen?"
The Arrancar looked surprised for a moment, but then shaking her head she smiled cheerlessly. "I… just want him to find peace. This time I won't hesitate. I'll do whatever it takes to ease his pain."
"Sacrifice, huh?"
Nel only continued to smile sadly.
Red obscured Ulquiorra's vision, as blood splattered on his face and some stray drops got into his eyes.
He slaughtered the whole colony. They were less than a fodder, they never stood a chance against him. Yet he mercilessly massacred them to the last Hollow. He didn't use Cero even once, choosing to rip them all apart with his bare hands, that now were dripping with their blood. His normally pristine white clothes were mainly black crimson. His bloodied hair stuck to his face, which too was splashed with blood.
He felt disgust at how weak they were. They didn't even fight back – not that he gave them much time to even think of a counter-attack. And really, many just stood there paralysed with fear, waiting for their death at his hands.
Pathetic.
Yet Ulquiorra was mainly disgusted with himself. Not only because killing such weaklings didn't stand well with him and left a sour after-taste, but because after this carnage he felt definitely much better, more in control.
Licking his lips, he tasted their blood. It was foul. Nothing compared to Rukia's sweetness.
But for her he'd kill more and more, and he'd even drink their blood and eat their flesh. If this was the price to keep her safe from himself, he would pay it without as much as batting an eyelash.
Nelliel left Rukia's room and closing the door after herself, she leaned against it with a sad and tired sigh.
She would never have thought she would ever tell anyone about Nnoitra and how she felt about him, with that misplaced responsibility and sort of unexplainable fondness she had for him. She might have even loved him at one point, far off in the past. Of course Pesche and Dondonchakka had had their suspicions, but she'd always brushed them off as being silly.
Her feelings for Nnoitra had never been romantic, though she'd had a lot of affection towards him. At first she'd loved him for the glimpses of humanity he'd shown to her. It'd been so long time ago, before despair had started corrupting him… Then she'd loved him out of pity. And now? She wasn't sure anymore. All she knew was that she had to save him from his despair, even if—
"So, how's the girl?"
A familiar gruff voice broke her out of her musings and with widened eyes she saw Grimmjow leaning against the wall right across her, with his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking at her with raised eyebrows.
Nelliel quickly composed herself, hiding all unnecessary emotions, at the same time wondering how on earth she hadn't noticed him the moment she left the room. "Rukia's good."
He hesitated for a second, but eventually asked, "And you?"
This time it was her turn to raise her eyebrows quizzically. "I'm good, too," she replied coolly with a shrug, and pushing herself off the door, she went wherever her legs would take her, hoping he wouldn't follow her.
No such luck, as he was right next to her, falling into the same pace as her.
"What did the two of you talk about?" Grimmjow asked, rather curious to learn what possibly could cause such expression on Nelliel's face he had just witnessed. Even he could see it was a very sad and hopeless expression of someone hurt… broken, even.
Besides, he was bored and pestering her a bit could be entertaining.
Nelliel replied, "You know, girly stuff."
She was dismissive and that made him even more persistent, "And that would be?"
The green-haired Espada sighed in defeat. "I was concerned about her. And Ulquiorra. Have you seen him today? The rumours about them are actually true. He's hurt Rukia and now he's beating himself over that."
Grimmjow instinctively knew that wasn't the cause of her expression, but he let it slide for now. "So the number of people that hate that prick has increased, right?"
She looked at him incredulously. "No, that's not it. She likes him a lot. In fact, she's totally smitten with him."
"Really?! You must be fucking kidding me!" he barked with laughter.
Nelliel involuntary smiled at his reaction. She would never understand the relationship between Ulquiorra and him. They most definitely didn't hate each other, there was even that grudging respect between the two. The 4th Espada couldn't care less about Grimmjow, she supposed, but for some reason the latter deemed them as rivals and kept provoking Ulquiorra whenever he got the chance.
She decided to rally him a bit; it would take her mind off things, too. "Well, he does have some qualities, you know."
"Yeah, right," the 6th Espada snorted in derision. "Maybe if you're looking for an arrogant dickhead with personality of an ice cube, he's your man…"
Nelliel stared at him for a second and then chuckled. Perhaps his company wasn't that bad. "There's more to him than that, and Rukia has noticed it. He can't be that bad if a girl like her fell in love with him."
"The girl's mad, I tell you." Grimmjow barred his teeth in a grin, satisfied that he made her laugh, even if for a bit. It became her more than sadness.
She nodded with a smile, "We're all mad when struck with love." Then to his chagrin a troubled expression returned to her face. "But it's not Rukia's mental health I'm worried about. It's Ulquiorra. I fear one day he'll hurt her. After all we Hollows end up hurting people we love and care for most."
"You really think he has…. feelings for her? Like actual feelings?" Ulquiorra and emotions just didn't go with each other in his mind. That part of the man was supposed to be a desert with occasional tumbleweed of irritation crossing it.
Nelliel looked at him with raised eyebrows, asking whether he was serious with his question. "He cares for her deeply. He might not understand many things, including feelings, but I'd say he loves her in his own right."
"That's just… the most fucked up thing I've ever heard," Grimmjow concluded.
She stared at him with unreadable gaze and her brows slightly knitted together for long enough to make him feel uncomfortable. Then she asked, "You've never loved anyone, have you?"
He scoffed, "Fuck no. Who needs that? It's stupid."
Nelliel continued to walk, her gaze wandering on the floor. Just when he thought, she wouldn't comment, she sighed quietly, "You're right, it's stupid."
He looked at her, surprised she actually agreed with him.
Then she added, "But it can be the most beautiful and rewarding feeling in the world. On the other hand it can also be the most excruciating, too."
Nelliel didn't look at him, but in her sad smile Grimmjow just found an obvious hint as to what had once broken her. Now the question was who had hurt who, and who had been the man. And what that fucktard Nnoitra had to do with it, too.
OMAKE (Somewhere in the alternate universe… It's like a fanfiction to a fanfiction… We're going deeper, mates! And it's just silly… You've been warned!)
"Shall I proceed, Aizen-sama?" Ulquiorra inquired, flexing his fingers.
"Orihime?" his master asked the Human woman. She only nodded her head labouredly. Her paled face was contorted in anguish and dread. To Ulquiorra she looked like a beaten animal resigned to more pain, completely submissive.
Aizen-sama sat comfortably back on the sofa and unzipped his jacket. For the last time he showed the spot for the Hōgyoku, right in the middle of his chest. "Proceed, please."
Ulquiorra's aim was precise and perfectly calculated, though a little off to the side to where his master intended him to aim. His fingers swiftly penetrated the flesh right between the ribs, and snatching the heart, they ripped it out in a split-second.
"Ulquiorra?" Surprise and disbelief made its way to Aizen-sama's face as he stared at his supposedly most loyal Espada. It was obvious the man had hard time comprehending what had just happened and acknowledging that he was basically a dead man.
"Rukia is mine. I will not let anyone lay a finger on her, even you, Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra stated calmly and crushed the heart in his hand.
Somehow in the last second his master managed to smile in understanding and disappointment as his body went limp. The Arrancar made sure that he was and would stay dead before turning to Inoue Orihime. She was staring at him in a mix of horror and disbelief.
"Let's go," he said. She didn't make an attempt to move, though, only continued to gape at him with her mouth and eyes wide open – like a fish out of water.
"Don't drop that jewel," he told her, and when she started to nod her head, he hoisted her up on his left shoulder. He had to get to Rukia and get them out of Hueco Mundo as fast as possible, preferably before anyone noticed Aizen-sama was dead.
Ulquiorra moved with Sonido. He stopped by his room to grab her zanpakutō, and then in a matter of seconds he crashed into Rukia's room. The lights were on, since with the death of Aizen-sama the illusory sky had disappeared and with it the sunlight. She was with Nelliel and they both looked at him slightly alarmed. They most definitely didn't expect him to appear out of blue, least of all with someone hanging from his shoulder.
"Ulquiorra?" the Shinigami asked, confused and a little bit worried.
The Human woman on his shoulder moved to look at her friend. "Kuchiki-san? Nel-chan?"
"Inoue?!" Rukia exclaimed incredulously, finally processing the whole picture that laid out in front of her eyes. Then she walked up to him and examined the red stains on his hand and clothes. "What's going on? What's with the blood? Are you hurt?"
Unable to stop himself, he cupped her check and kissed her, fervently. She responded with similar passion and she didn't seem to care he smeared some gore on her.
Breaking the kiss, he announced, "Aizen-sama's dead. I killed him. I'm taking you away from here."
Her eyes widened in surprise, but soon she simply nodded with a soft smile and embraced him tightly. No words were necessary.
Straightening up, Ulquiorra turned to his associate, "What about you, Nelliel? What are you going to do?"
She smiled, "There's one thing I must take care of first, but I hope to meet you soon."
"Good luck and take care," Rukia said, apparently knowing what the green-haired Arrancar was up to.
"You too," Nelliel winked, and left the room with her hand on the hilt of her sword and determined look on her face.
Ulquiorra then fired a powerful Cero that destroyed the wall and made a hole in the dome. Holding Rukia tightly to himself, he got them out of Las Noches. Standing in the air, with a flick of his wrist he opened a Garganta gate. As soon as they were in, he quickly closed it behind them.
He took them to the Human World, to a park in Karakura Town. Sighing deeply, he stroked Rukia's hair and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. She looked up at him with a smile and he tightened his hold on her.
He didn't have to look around to know they were surrounded.
"Arrancar! Let them go!" someone shouted.
"Rukia! Inoue!" he recognised the annoying voice of Kurosaki Ichigo, that was echoed by his other friends, including Abarai Renji.
Ulquiorra put down the Human girl on the grass, but he didn't even consider letting go of Rukia. She was looking at him with wide, worried eyes.
"Rukia, step away from that Arrancar," a calm, authoritative voice cut through the air. The woman in his arms tensed. Looking at the man who spoke, he identified Kuchiki Byakuya, the captain of the 6th Division.
Rukia took a small step back from Ulquiorra to turn and look at her brother. Her hands still held tightly on to his jacket, though. "I am afraid I cannot, Nii-sama," she spoke firmly, but respectfully. "Not until you give me your word he will not be harmed."
"He's Aizen's Espada!" Abarai Renji yelled in disbelief.
"He killed Aizen!" Rukia shouted back.
Everyone looked at her as if she was mad, but Inoue Orihime, who remained close by their side, confirmed it with anxious, though determined, "He did! I was there!" Then she frantically put her hand in the air, something blue shining in it. "And we managed to retrieve the Hōgyoku, too."
A murmur spread around the Shinigamis encircling them and Rukia continued, "The war most probably is not over yet, but the main mastermind behind it is dead. Ulquiorra is not our enemy, Nii-sama. He helped Inoue and I. He protected us. And I will do the same for him! Even at the cost of my life."
She let go of him and standing in front of him, she unsheathed her sword half-way to show her resolve. Ulquiorra found her absolutely beautiful this moment, and he wanted her even more than before.
"You owe him nothing," Kuchiki Byakuya told her sternly.
Rukia shook her head. "I will not leave his side, Nii-sama. I… His fate and mine are bound together."
End.
You can also think of it as a daydream Ulquiorra had while wondering what would happen if he actually killed Aizen-sama :D I wonder now, what Ulquiorra's daydreaming face looks like, hahaha :D
A/N:
I decided to have Aizen use Orihime's powers, an action which I pretty liked and which I think was not only justifiable but made total sense. I also liked Orihime in this chapter… though I might have broken her a bit. Poor girl… :(
I'm really happy with how Nel came out, with her burden she just can't lift off her own shoulders. Poor girl… :(
I guess I like them to suffer :D
The ending scene with Nel and Grimmjow was at first in the main story, then I moved it to the omake section, but in the end I decided to put it back into the main story, even if it's just a subplot. As I mentioned before – I like them :)
But enough of my ranting! Take a deep breath, go make yourself a fresh cup of tea or coffee or any other beverage of your liking, and get ready for… whatever it is in the next chapter! :D:D:D
In a moment, then! ;)
Cheers!
朝霧 -Asagiri-