Author's Note: Long time reader and first time writer for SVU! Later chapters will deal with the topic of teenage self harm so if that's a problem you may want to stop now.

Chapter 1

"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it."

Olivia Benson fought the urge to roll her eyes at her mother's statement. She'd heard that particular threat more times than she could count. Olivia continued putting groceries away. "What do you want for dinner?" She asked, ignoring her mother's words.

"Whatever you want is fine." Serena replied before taking two large bottles off the kitchen counter. They were the only grocery items she cared about.

"Those have to last you, you know." Olivia reminded her, mentally preparing for a fight. Serena had requested far more than the two bottles her daughter purchased.

"Mhm." The older woman mumbled before she hobbled back to the living room without so much as a glance in her daughter's direction.

Olivia shook her head and finished putting things away. She knew that wouldn't be the end of the argument. Serena knew she couldn't win every battle, but she fully intended to win the war. Both women were stubborn and Olivia wasn't sure how much more she could take. She never thought she would live with her mother again. She never wanted to live with her mother again, but, well, here they were.

Nearly six months ago Serena took a nasty fall down some stairs outside of a bar. By the time she hit the bottom step she was lucky to be alive. Several surgeries and three months of rehab later she was sent home with a new cane and a hefty hospital bill. Unable to walk up the stairs to her apartment she was forced to move in with her daughter whose building included an elevator.

Serena took up residence in Olivia's spare room and three months later the two women were still trying to figure out how to make things work. Serena was determined to return home at some point though Olivia didn't think that would be possible.

Olivia's odd hours during difficult cases irritated her mother to no end. Serena liked consistency and routines. It didn't help that she had never really approved of Olivia's job in the first place. "What am I supposed to do if I fall and you're not here?" She asked shortly after Olivia returned to work, hoping to guilt her into at least changing her hours.

Olivia was silent for a moment, busy clipping her holster onto her belt. "If you're worried about it we can get you one of those emergency call buttons you wear around your neck." Serena's mouth dropped open, but Olivia didn't notice. "Don't wait up for me." She said closing the door behind her as she left.

That was not the response Serena was looking for. Those buttons were for frail, helpless, little old ladies and Serena did not fit into that category. No way was she going to wear one. She was pretty steady on her feet anyway, especially with her cane.

Olivia returned home nearly 24 hours later. Serena gave her a pointed look, the disapproval clear though she said nothing. Olivia showered and went to bed without a word to her mother.

With groceries put away Olivia started on dinner. She was struggling to adjust to living with Serena again. She used to love coming home at the end of a long day. Now she found herself hoping Cragen would call her in as soon as she got there. Her home was not her sanctuary anymore. Evidence of Serena's presence was in every room. The woman herself was almost always in the living room or what was now her bedroom. Her empty bottles threatened to fill the kitchen trash no matter what Olivia did to try to stop it. Even Olivia's bedroom was different as some of her things had to be relocated to make room for Serena's. In addition, if she ever brought case files home she had to keep them in her bedroom to avoid her mother's prying eyes and disappointed stare. Reviewing crime scene photos was definitely low on Olivia's list of things she liked to do in bed.

Olivia always thought her mother would be proud of her career choice. She was crushed when she finally got to SVU and discovered Serena was anything but proud. That knowledge still hurt, but there was no other job she wanted. She didn't think she would ever understand her mother's dislike of Olivia's need to help others and bring criminals to justice.

The two women ate together at the table making small talk between long gaps of silence. Some nights Serena complimented her daughter on the food or even helped with clean up. Not tonight. Olivia wondered how long her mother would stay angry this time. Of course Serena was always angry when she was intoxicated, which was nearly all the time, but when she had less alcohol in her system or on the rare occasions she was sober Serena could be a decent person. She was never quite like the mother Olivia always wished she'd had, but at times she could get close enough to give her daughter a taste of the mother/daughter bond she would forever be missing in life. Over the years Olivia learned that Serena's anger combined with her extreme stubbornness meant she could hold onto an argument for days. Arguments involving alcohol could last much longer.

If left to her own devices Serena would choose to be drinking constantly and never worried much about consuming any actual food. Olivia refused to let that happen in her home. Originally she thought she might be able to get Serena to quit and maybe join AA once she got out of the hospital. She'd been sober for months during recovery so it seems like the perfect time to kick the habit. Unfortunately Serena didn't see it that way. The first thing she wanted to do after being released was find somewhere to get a drink. Olivia had been devastated and she finally realized her mother would never change. However, that didn't mean Olivia was going to make it easy for Serena to do as she pleased.

Olivia threw out her favorite wine and gave what little beer she had to Elliot. No matter how many bottles her mother asked for she only ever bought two and told her they would have to last until the next week's grocery shopping trip. She did whatever she could to limit Serena's alcohol intake, but she knew it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Serena wasn't chained to the apartment. She could come and go as she pleased and she still had physical therapy twice a week. She took a cab when Olivia couldn't drive her and Olivia knew those cabs also took her mother to bars and stores where she could purchase alcohol for herself. Olivia tried to ignore the alcoholism like she'd done before, but it was so much easier to do when she wasn't living with it.

Olivia's cell phone rang just as she finished the dishes. She smiled when she saw Elliot's name on the screen. Her partner had been through a lot lately, but things were finally getting back to normal. Olivia couldn't have been happier. She needed at least one aspect of her life to be bearable. "Hi El." She answered.

"Liv? It's Maureen." Olivia could hear the twins arguing in the background.

"Hi Mo! I'm surprised you aren't using your phone." It seemed like the teen's new cell phone was glued to her palm. She'd even set up Olivia's phone to have a special ringtone for when Maureen called.

The teenager glared at her brother as she explained. "I would, but Dickie unplugged it earlier so now it's dead." Olivia could picture the death glare the poor boy must be getting from his oldest sister. She managed not to laugh.

"Tell her there's still pizza!" Elliot's voice came from the background. Olivia smiled. Maybe she would get out of here tonight after all.

"I have a big Spanish test tomorrow." Maureen said. "Dad was going to help me study, but all the Spanish he knows he got from you. Could you come over and help me? Dad says there's still some pizza left if you're hungry." She sounded hopeful.

"Of course! I'll be there in twenty minutes, ok?"

"You're the best, Liv!"

Olivia stuck her phone in her pocket before heading into the living room. Serena was in her usual spot on the couch watching television. "I'm going to Elliot's." Olivia explained while putting on her jacket. "One of the kids needs my help with their homework. I'll be back later."

Serena looked up and nodded. "Ok." She said and went back to her show.

Olivia left without another word and pointed her car towards Queens. It was hard to believe Kathy had been gone for almost two years. Sometimes it seemed like it was just yesterday when Elliot got the call that changed his life. They were at their desks finishing up some paperwork when his phone rang. There had been an accident.

In the weeks leading up to Kathy's death she and Elliot had decided to get divorced. They realized they had grown apart and though they loved each other they weren't in love anymore. They talked to a lawyer to get things started and were trying to figure out how to tell the kids. Suddenly Elliot had to figure out how to tell them something very different.

Kathy was on her way to work when another driver ran a red light and t-boned her mini van on the driver's side. She was gone before the ambulance got there.

Elliot was shocked at the news. He never imagined life without Kathy. He didn't want to be married to her anymore, but he still wanted them to raise the children together. He wasn't sure he could do it alone. Olivia helped out a lot at first and Cragen gave him some time off. When he came back to work he was still technically Olivia's partner, but he spent most of his time at the station and was guaranteed to be off by five each night. He was also taken off rotation of being on call nights and weekends.

Olivia liked working with Fin and Munch, but it just wasn't the same without Elliot by her side. She had to shift her focus after Serena's accident and was thankful that by that time the Stablers were beginning to adjust to life without Kathy.

Now that Maureen was sixteen Elliot was back in his regular position, though he was only to be called out at night if absolutely necessary. He also worked out a deal with the neighbor's college aged daughter so Maureen wouldn't be responsible for her siblings all the time. Olivia was thrilled. She needed some normalcy at work when everything at home was upside down.

Olivia parked in the Stabler's driveway behind Maureen's car. It wasn't new, but it was reliable and allowed the eldest Stabler to help her father when he needed it. Olivia knocked on the door and then pushed it open before walking inside. Elliot had told her countless times she didn't need to knock. "Just come in." He always said, but she couldn't do it. Despite the amount of time she'd spent here since Kathy's death it just didn't feel right. This was their home, not hers.

Elliot rolled his eyes at the knock, but smiled when he saw his partner come through the door. His two youngest immediately raced to greet her and she bent down to wrap the seven year olds in her arms. "Livvy!" They yelled at the same time.

Olivia laughed at their enthusiasm and hugged them tightly. She loved all of Elliot's kids like they were her own and had grown closer to them since their mother's death. Even though her own mother was still alive she knew what it was like to grow up without one. She planned to do whatever she could to lessen that pain for the four young Stablers.

"Will you read my bedtime story, Livvy?" Dickie asked.

Lizzie nodded, her blonde hair bouncing. "Me too!"

"I think I can do that." Olivia said. "You have to be good while I help Mo though, ok?" The twins cheered and promised to behave. Olivia spotted Kathleen on the couch. "Hi Katie." She said with a smile.

Kathleen gave a small smile back. "Hi Liv."

Elliot greeted Olivia and sent the twins upstairs to get ready for a bath and bed. "Mo's at the table." He said cocking his head towards the kitchen. "You've got about an hour until bedtime story duty."

Olivia laughed. "Sounds good." She said before heading towards the kitchen to find Maureen. She was at the table with books and papers spread out everywhere. The girl looked up with a worried expression.

"I can't remember all of this stuff, Liv!" She threw her pencil down and dropped her head onto her textbook. "There's no way I'm going to pass this test!" She groaned.

"Sure there is!" Olivia took a seat next to her. "Let's see what you're working on." Maureen lifted her head and pointed out the chapters her test would cover.

Two hours later Maureen felt confident she could do well on her test and the twins had heard their bedtime stories. Olivia started down the stairs and met Kathleen halfway as the girl was going up. They both stopped. "Are you heading to bed?" Olivia asked. "Because I can read you a bedtime story too if you want." She grinned only half joking. She didn't expect the twelve year old to take her up on the offer, but she'd do it in a heartbeat if she did.

Kathleen laughed. "I'm good, but thanks." She wrapped her arms around the woman's waist. "Night Liv."

Olivia wrapped her in a hug and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Good night Kiddo." She let Kathleen pull away, but didn't let go of her. "You let me know if you ever need anything, ok? I don't care if its a bedtime story, homework help, or anything else." Of the four Stabler children Kathleen was the most distant. Olivia wanted the girl to know she cared and that she'd be there for her if she needed it.

Kathleen smiled and nodded. "Thanks Liv." She said before they went their separate ways.

Olivia found Elliot on the couch. "Did you want some pizza?" He asked.

She shook her head. "Ate earlier." She said and then added "with mom.".

"Then how about this?" He held out a beer he had waiting for her.

"God, yes." Olivia groaned in appreciation as she took the beverage and plopped down next to her partner.

"How's your mom?" He asked while she took a long drink.

Olivia shrugged. "She's my mom." Elliot knew more about her relationship with her mother than anyone else, but she didn't want to burden him with her problems all the time. He had enough going on already. She took another long drink.

Elliot studied his partner while sipping his own beer. He knew getting personal information from her was like pulling teeth at times, but he wasn't sure why. He decided to accept her answer this time because he knew he had to pick and choose his battles. He knew better than to push without good reason. "So how many stories did they get out of you tonight?" He asked knowing his twins could be very persuasive when they wanted to be.

"Two." She replied before taking a sip.

Elliot nodded thinking that wasn't bad at all.

"Each." She clarified sheepishly.

Both burst into laughter and Elliot nodded again. "That sounds more like it." He said grinning at her.

When she got home Olivia found her mother passed out on the couch. She was never surprised when this happened, but she was always disappointed. Despite Serena's actions Olivia couldn't help but love her. She was her mother and though she hadn't been the best Olivia had survived her childhood. That had to count for something, right? Olivia sighed. She covered Serena with a blanket and turned off the television. "Night Mom." She whispered into the darkness before retreating to her bedroom.