Marie's eye twitched as she watched Kyukogo and Nyajou vigorously pleasuring each other and multiple female Ultras, a moaning Lily and her friend Iris who did not, in fact, have purely platonic feelings for each other right in the middle. Stella and Astraea, reunited at last, were locked in a cage too small for even one of them and loving every minute of it.

"Why are you doing this."

"You know why," Kyukogo and Nyajou crooned.

"This could count as sexual harassment, you know."

"Then why haven't you hung up?" Kyukogo asked.

"Or blocked this number?" Nyajou purred, giving her big cat eyes.

"Because you'd just get a new one," Marie lied, not wanting to admit she'd never actually thought about that, and that a part of her might actually miss these interactions.

Kyukogo grinned. "You still haven't hung up-"

"Hey, Captain Mother, do you have a second-"

Marie immediately ended the call then spun her chair around to smile awkwardly at sweet innocent little Grigio, who was blinking at her dumbly. "Grigio! How can I help you?"

"Uh, what were you watching, Captain Mother?" Grigio asked.

"Watching? I wasn't watching anything," Marie lied brazenly.

"I could see your big screen. With super high definition. Waaaay better than our TV back home," Grigio pointed out. "Why's every planet in the universe but Earth got so much better tech? So unfair..."

Shitshitshit. Come on, Marie, think of a good excuse, you're smart, you can do this-

"I was watching porn," she blurted out.

They stared at each other. Marie felt like jumping out the nearest window and not flying away. Or maybe flying away, to a new galaxy where nobody'd ever heard of her, or maybe going to Kyu-

No, no, no, not thinking about that.

"That looked like some pretty hardcore lesbian porn," Grigio said after a moment. "Are you and Captain Daddy having trouble-"

"I'm happily married with children," Marie reflexively yelled. "And please never call my husband that again. Now how can I help you, Grigio?"

Grigio scratched her head. "Okay...uh...well...speaking of lesbians..."

Marie immediately didn't like where this was going.

"So, you know how a lot of Ultrawomen are becoming Youkalien slaves after Lily livestreamed that thing she did with-" Grigio began.

"I saw that livestream, yes," Marie quickly interrupted.

EVERYONE had.

"Right, well, that made me realize a few things about myself...like why I thought my evil clone was kinda hot," Grigio said dreamily, much to Marie's quiet horror. "So, I started thinking maybe I should become a Youkalien slave-"

"Grigio, just because 'everyone' is doing something doesn't mean you should do it too," Marie said frantically. "After all, if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?"

Grigio stared at her. "Captain Mother, everyone here can fly."

Oh, right.

"Anyway, I'm NOT thinking about doing this because I'm a trend-obsessed teen," Grigio denied. "But I recently met this really, REALLY pretty Youkalien on patrol recently, and oh gosh she was so perfect with this beautiful smile and a smell like sakura blossoms and she was so kind and her slaves adore her and her breasts are-"

"I am aware of how attractive Youkaliens are," Marie said shrilly. "Also don't call me Captain Mother."

"Okay, Captain Mama."

WHY.

"Anyway, so we've met a few more times, clashed over some planets - she hadn't conquered them yet, so that doesn't break the treaty I think? - And it feels like things are starting to get serious, she's dragged me around on a leash a few times and whipped me and called me a good girl and OH that makes me feel sooooo gooooood," Grigio gushed, wriggling and squeezing her legs together and Marie desperately wished Belial would come back from the dead and try to marry her as an excuse to get out of this.

She gasped, feeling something pawing at her-

She glanced down, and sure enough, saw Coesra between her legs. What was she doing there?! How'd she get in without either of them noticing?!

Coesra glanced up, purred, and then she-

Marie bit her lip so as not to scream because as embarrassing as Grigio walking in on Kyukogo calling her had been this would be so much worse.

"And then after all the whipped cream was licked off I realized that I wanted to do this with her FOREVER so I was going to ask if I could be her slave," Grigio reminisced fondly before scowling. "Except then Katsumi and Isami found out and got on my case about it, started talking about how I was 'confused' and 'didn't understand what I wanted,' suggesting I should hook up with another Ultra or some boring human girl instead-"

Who were Katsumi and Isami-

Oh right, Grigio and her brothers were human Ultras, she forgot that sometimes.

"And then they tried to get Mom and Dad to weigh in and Dad tried to give me the 'Talk' except he didn't have the first clue about how Ultras do it and Mom started rambling about stuff she did when she was my age and they were no help, and then Katsumi and Isami deleted her from my contact list - not that that mattered, I memorized her frequency from all the space phone sex we've been having-"

Marie whimpered, and was unsure if it was because of what she was being exposed to or the things Coelra was doing to her.

"And they've totally been clam-jamming me!" Grigio whined, which was not a phrase Marie wanted to hear from her or anyone else ever again. "All I want to do is be with my mistress forever and ever and let her fuck me so hard my Color Timer breaks and I become gray like my name implies I am instead of orange-"

The Ultimate Wars had been much better than this conversation. Being turned into a Spark Doll had been better than this conversation. DYING had been better than this conversation. Zero's one-man musical autobiography-

Well, okay, that had been worse than this, but not by a lot.

"Is this a purely sexual thing? Because I know you're young and that might be on your mind a lot, but good looks and wonderful sex doesn't necessarily make for a lasting relationship and if there's nothing more than that you might want to reconsider getting into a long-term serious partnership like this-" Marie said, only for an incensed Coesra to make it clear that their relationship was very much not that in a way that nearly made her squeal.

Grigio rolled her eyes. "Ugh, you sound just like them! It's not JUST the sex and her being so hot that makes me want to be with her, she's just...such a nice, kind, loving person, and she makes me feel like I'm more than just my brothers' little sister or walking transformation trinket or Zero's kid sidekick, and that's something I...really needed."

Oh. That...

She hadn't expected that.

"Why are you telling me this?" Marie asked finally.

"So you can get my brothers off my case!" Grigio demanded.

"Grigio, your brothers don't work for me," Marie pointed out. "Neither do you. I run the Silver Cross, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but you're the Mother of Ultra, meaning you're every Ultra's mom, including me and my brothers!" Grigio said. "So that means if you tell them to leave me alone, they'll have to! Right, Captain Mommy?"

Marie stared at her. "Grigio, you...you realize I'm not ACTUALLY the Mother of all Ultras, right?"

Grigio stared. "Huh? But...you're married to FATHER of Ultra."

"Yes, but those are just...titles," Marie said vaguely. "I only have two children, Taro and Ace, and the latter's adopted."

"What? But that can't be right, they've got so many brothers!" Grigio protested.

"The Ultra Brothers aren't actually brothers either," Marie said. "Except for Taro and Ace. Ultraseven's their cousin."

Grigio blinked. "Well that just makes no sense whatsoever. Next you're going to tell me that Princess Yullian and Ultraman King aren't related!"

"They aren't," Marie said.

"Bwah?!"

"Also, King isn't actually our king, he has no official position in our government," Marie added.

Grigio stared at her. "You're messing with me, right? That's...that's so STUPID!"

"Grigio, may I point out your name means GRAY, not orange?" Marie snapped, partially out of vindictiveness and partially because Coesra had just-

She had to bite her lip HARD not to scream.

"Oh. Uh, I guess we're just bad with names, huh?" Grigio murmured. "Would explain why we have an Ultraman 'Great' and 'Powered' and 'Nice' and 'Boy' and that one Ultraman who's just...Ultraman. Or how Ultraseven's supposed to be number 2, but there's also an Ultraseven 21 and they aren't even RELATED-"

As waves of pleasure pulsed through her body, Marie dug her fingers into her desk while trying not to moan. She needed to get Grigio out of here NOW. "Grigio, you should do whatever makes you happy, life's too short for regrets-"

"Aren't we like immortal or something?"

"Then life's too LONG for regrets, just make sure this is consensual, don't agree to anything that'll leave a permanent mark if this doesn't work out, be sure not to alienate your family, don't sign anything without making sure there's a way out, and always use a safe word!" she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Okay. Okay! I'll do just that, Captain Mama!" Grigio announced. "Thanks, Captain Mama, I'll be sure to get you something nice for Space Mother's Day! Happy!"

She skipped out of the office.

Marie waited until she was gone, then FINALLY came while moaning at the top of her lungs.

She also wrapped her legs around Coesra's neck and started strangling her. Yes, she knew she got off on it, but it would make her feel better.

"That was very sweet," Kyukogo said.

Marie stiffened. "What...where...how did you-"

"You didn't hit the button to hang up, just turned off the projection on your end," Nyajou said.

"So, don't you think you should apply that advice to yourself, Marie?" Kyukogo suggested brightly.

Marie moaned, and it had nothing to do with Coesra.

(Okay, maybe a little.)